Tag: journaling

Instantly Expose Bullies

7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

6 Comments

Instantly Expose Bullies

‘Want to know how to instantly expose bullies for who they are and get your life back? We must learn how to do this effectively if we even hope to regain peace in our lives and reclaim our personal power.

in this post, you will learn 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies.

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe. Introducing, 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies and unleash your power. These are things that I learned through trial and error and wish I had known when I was young and enduring bullying myself.

However, know that there will be a certain degree of risk involved. But also know that you take a risk each day by walking outside. Risk is something no one can escape unless they want to live a meaningless life.

  1. Know your enemy.

    How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are.

    In other words, if you see another student gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.

  2. Document everything.

    As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me, or worse…killed me.

    Moreover, you must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Never reveal anything that you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

You’ll be asking for trouble and it’s better to be safe than sorry. You never know when your bullies might turn them against you. And once they do, you can be sure that your former friends will be more than happy to tell all!

4. Keep a low profile.

Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

However, if the bullies do seek you out, they will risk exposing themselves because the people who know you and aren’t influenced by the bullies will see what is going on and know they are stalking you.

So, keep that in mind as well.

  1. Save any threatening texts, emails, social media messages or voicemails. 

And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing.

Also, keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

  1. Never brag about any evidence you have on your bullies.

Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

  1. Call the bully out in front of an audience. 

This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions. But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone.

Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this. Also, you could, very slyly, force the bully to expose him/herself. You can learn how, right here.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 More Reasons You Should Write About It

Leave a comment

Many targets of bullying don’t speak about the bullying they suffer and for many reasons. They may feel a degree of shame and fear that if they talk about it, others, including their parents, will think that they’re weak. Another reason is that if they speak up about or report the bullying, they might suffer retaliation from the bullies. Or they may fear that no one will believe them. Some targets worry they might be blamed for the abuse they suffer.

1. Writing about the bullying and abuse you suffer helps you to detox.

It’s very important to use writing or other healthy approaches to detoxing some of the negative and painful experiences out of the body. Otherwise it festers and can lead to negative thinking, bad habits, and even lead us to abuse ourselves.

2. Writing about it gives you a voice.

It gives you a chance to be heard. When people target you for bullying, your abusers will use everything in their arsenal to silence you. Understand and by silencing you, they get to bully you freely and with impunity.

3. Writing about the bullying allows you to keep a record of the bullying you suffer.

It gives you evidence ahead of time should you ever have to take the matter to court. When you document the bullying you suffer, using the 5-W (what, who, when, where, why), you are able to establish a clear pattern. Therefore, you will more likely present your case in a more understandable way, rather than if you verbally presented it.

I realize that writing can be tedious at times. It takes a lot of patience to write it down, especially if it’s painful to think about. However, anything worthwhile requires some discomfort and yes, even a little pain.

But the benefits outweigh the sacrifice because writing about it puts you in control!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Reasons to Document Bullying

7 Comments

Bullying, especially of the psychological and emotional variety, is difficult to prove to people in authority who can help the target. There are several reasons for this:

1. Bullies are Master Seducers (Charmers).

Bullies know how to charm the right people. When the target finally gets fed up and reports the bullying, the bully will often make the target look like the bully. The bully does this by convincingly rationalizing and justifying the behavior. Therefore, the staff is likely to either ignore the targets pleas for help, or blame them.

The bully will also use high marks, excellent grades, and class/work performance to charm and influence those in authority.

Bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. Called the halo effect, this phenomenon is where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

2. Bullies are Convincing Liars and Actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with the target. Therefore, the target loses support and has no one to turn to for help.

Because the victim often reacts out of emotion, the bully puts on a calm and collected demeanor. Therefore, people in authority will almost always side with the bully because of this false coolness the bully displays.

The bully points out the target’s perfectly normal emotional reaction and twists everything to convince everyone of the target’s guilt. He will portray the target as unstable, crazy, overly dramatic, or too sensitive. The bully will also feign victim-hood by bursting into tears. Understand that this is all designed to shift the blame onto the real target. Therefore, the bully wins bystanders and authority over to her side.

The most seasoned bullies are also master wordsmiths who can explain away and rationalize any bad behavior. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, the target gets the blame, and either those in authority either refuse to discipline the bully, or punish the target instead.

3. Documenting (or Journaling) offers the disgraced target a voice, enabling them to have a say when no one else is listening.

As stated, the target often gets the blame when he/she reports harassment to the people who can help them. By documenting the abuse, the target can tell their side without anyone ignoring or trivializing their experiences.

4. Documenting offers Victims a Legal Record of the Bullying.

If the bully hurts the target badly enough to require medical attention, a plaintiff can use the journal as proof in court. Documentation is admissible in court.

5. Documenting is very cathartic and therapeutic.

It allows the target to express the emotions they could never show any other way. Journals cannot trivialize the target’s experiences, nor can they invalidate her in any way. Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what the target tells them.

These are the reasons you absolutely must document every day about what bullies put you through. When you document, be sure to include who the bullies are (full names and, if necessary, titles and positions). Also, jot down where each incident happened (school locker room, gym, the bathroom at work, etc.). Include the names of any bystanders and teachers/supervisors present. Moreover, write down the exact time and date the incident happened, what happened, and who said or did what. If possible, write down why it happened (was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?). Write down every detail!

If you have tried telling a staff member or your parents about how classmates or coworkers bully you, only for them to silence or blame you- document it. If no one will listen or offer support, you owe it to yourself to create a written record of the bullying and harassment.

You want to document every day to establish a pattern of bullying and abuse. It was how I survived those six long years of being bullied in school. It was the only outlet I had. I can attest to you that if I hadn’t documented everything in my journal every day, I might not be alive today. When I began keeping a written record during the eighth grade, it was freeing, and I felt that I was finally having my say.

So, if you can’t talk about it, write about it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Write About Bullying and Abuse?

Leave a comment

I’ve mentioned the importance of documenting the bullying you suffer and why you should do it. Writing about it indeed helps you to purge all those toxic emotions. However, the reasons go much deeper than what I’ve mentioned before.

Just as the pen is mightier than the sword. It is also mightier than the mouth.

Writing is so much better than talking. Speaking about bullying and abuse through the pen is so much more powerful because you can speak freely and without interruption.

No one can try and stop you from speaking your truth when you use the almighty pen. They can’t talk over you nor shout you down. No one can gaslight nor blame you. They can’t name call you nor throw guilt trips on you to distract you.

Unlike speaking to another person face to face and having to share the conversation, you can write alone, in private. When you communicate through writing, there’s no need to worry about anyone becoming combative. Whereas, during a face-to-face confrontation, an abusive bully is likely to become irate and more abusive as a reaction to being called out.

Bullies despise it when you put them on front street.

Writing about it is much safer. Because your writing is yours and yours alone. Therefore, you can pour your heart out freely on paper and no one can bother you. Bullies can’t demand that you take back your words. They can’t control what you say. There’s absolutely nothing they can do to stop you from speaking out about the pain and suffering they inflicted.

All they can do is attack you after the words are already written, published, and read by many pairs of eyes. And, by then, it’s too late. The cat’s already out of the bag.

And here’s the best part! In their explosive reactions and retaliatory attacks, they only prove that everything you wrote about them is true. They confirm themselves to be exactly as you described them.

Therefore, let them attack you. Let them retaliate and seek revenge. Permit them to call you what they like. Your bullies can scream, shout, curse, plot, and be as passive-aggressive as they want.

Smile when they shoot you a dirty looks in the supermarket. Chortle when they whisper behind your back at the doctor’s office.  Laugh to yourself and stare back when they stop and stare you down on the street.

Understand that it’s far better to draw first blood then to be on the defense.

Why? Because, in doing these childish things, they only make you more believable. They only expose themselves and the evil deeds they committed.

Moreover, some people are still mad at you because of the evil things they did to you. Think about it. They need to stay pissed at you so they can keep from feeling so dirty and sleezy. And they’re even angrier at you because you wouldn’t be destroyed. They hate you because you did the opposite of what they expected. You refused to sink. You didn’t crash and burn. Instead of drowning, you only went airborne and soared to unimaginable heights!

Know that you’re the winner here.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Writing About Bullying Can Keep the Bullies Away

Leave a comment

I have to share this great news as I believe it will help others. Now I can’t speak for other targets or survivors of bullying because each bullying experience and situation is different.

However, from my own experiences and perspective, I can say that writing and blogging about bullying, and the tactics, motives, mindsets, and dark personalities of bullies has definitely kept the bullies away.

Word of my writing, books and blog has definitely gotten around and I haven’t heard from any of those who wanted to confront me when I first started writing and I couldn’t be happier about it.

It sure looks as if my writing about bullying has protected and shielded me from these types of people because bullies don’t try to provoke me anymore. In fact, they stay way away and I can finally relax, live in peace, and flourish.

And I’ve gotten word that the bullies know that it’s in their best interests to stay away. They know that if anything were to happen to me, there will be a lot of people who would come around asking questions, and they would know who to go to.

I feel that through my writing, I finally took my life back and I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome it feels! I can finally be myself, stand in my truth, and, most importantly, be safe!

The best part is that it’s easier to help others take their lives back too!

And I’m thankful not only to those who have supported me during my writing journey, but first and foremost, to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ because, without Him, none of this would even be possible!

With knowledge comes empowerment!