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the importance of forgiveness in recovery

The Importance of Forgiveness

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‘Want to know the importance of forgiveness? Here are all the reasons why you should forgive your bullies once you heal from bullying, and why it’s healthy to.

the importance of forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of forgiveness and why it will help you to move on to a happier life.

Once you learn all about this crucial step, you will be able to more easily forgive your bullies once you heal and move on to a happier and more rewarding life.

This post is all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can finally have peace.

The importance of Forgiveness

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, if you’re one of those people, I do understand how you feel.

Sometimes, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. Again, completely understandable!

Only you can know when you’re ready. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay.

And it doesn’t mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you. Heavens, no!However, once you’ve healed and you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Here’s why it’s important to forgive.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness. It’s not about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate.

Because, if you’re not careful, those raw feelings can hold you back. They can keep you stuck in a quagmire of negativity and that’s no way to live.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you this! For me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. Once you decide to let go and move on, there’s no better feeling!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Hate keeps you trapped.

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. They may have exerted control over the years they bullied you. However, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

Let me put it another way, holding onto anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you. Because the people you hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

While you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind? Stop letting them live in your head rent-free!

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

If you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that is so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness. In fact, it’s how many people suffer heart attacks and strokes.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation, nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, there are people who won’t mind wiping their feet all over you. However, they get offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know damn good and well they wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react. Then they’ll go tell everyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

So, go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. During constructive things like these will give you closure

 The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness doesn’t mean foolishness.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy, forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too may people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them but there’s no law that says you have to trust them again. It’s better that you don’t trust them.

Some people you must forgive from afar.

This post was all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can feel better about forgiving your bullies once you’re ready.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

2. Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

3. Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

glimmers psychology

Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

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‘Want to know about glimmers and how they can help you heal from bullying? Here’s everything you need to know about these tiny little blessings!

glimmers

If you’re a victim of bullying, you need more glimmers and less triggers. That much is obvious. However, you may be wondering what glimmers are. Also, you may wonder how you use them to balance out the negative in your life and heal from bullying.

Well, you’re in luck because it’s easier than you might think!

In this post, you will learn all about glimmers. You’ll learn what they are and how they can help you heal from bullying or any other trauma. Also, you’ll learn how you can collect as many of them as humanly possible so that you can raise your mood and confidence levels.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be better able to raise your self-esteem, confidence, and happiness quotient. Moreover, you will be able to heal from and rise above bullying and live a much more peaceful life.

This post is all about glimmers and how they can totally change your life.

What are glimmers?

They are the opposite of triggers. Glimmers are those tiny, beautiful moments that make you feel safe, happy and calm. You can use them to heal from trauma.

And here’s the best part! Glimmers are easy to find. They’re everywhere! All you have to do is look for them.

They help you to heal from bullying or any traumatic event. Glimmers are those tiny reprieves that make you feel ALIVE!

Again, they help to balance out all the negativity in your life. In fact, if you can have an equal or greater number of glimmers than triggers, you can quickly begin recovering from bullying and other traumas in your life.

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

Everyone has both positive and negative experiences, especially with others if they’re victims of bullying and abuse. This can determine their level of confidence and self-esteem.

The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative. This is where looking for and finding the glimmers comes in.

When targets of bullying feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means that they’ve had too many negative experiences with people. In fact, they’ve had so many that any positive experiences they once had become irrelevant.

Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account. If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, their positive account can quickly be depleted. Any more and it plunges into the negative.

Therefore, if you’re a parent and your child is a victim of bullying at school, you must help them find their glimmers.  In other words, help them deposit “money” into their confidence banks every day.

Glimmers should equal or outnumber the triggers.

If you give them words of encouragement and love. Those are glimmers. Moreover, you can also contribute a few more by teaching them the importance of confidence.

 The key is to create plenty of positive experiences for your child.

Again, positive words, actions, and experiences must equal or outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school. Only then will you repair their self-esteem, and help them regain confidence.

Finally, once confidence is restored, you child will be better able to combat bullies and, possibly, cease to be a target.

Talking about the abuse and getting it out in the open does help with healing. However, it only does so much. Therefore, if you want to help your child keep their self-esteem and confidence, you must help them create positive experiences (glimmers).

And they must be either equal to or more than the negative experiences they get from being the victim of bullies.

Help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment. This will create wonderful memories. These are also glimmers and they’re the best kind of therapy there is.

Glimmers are everywhere if you look for them. And there’s an endless supply of them. Help your child catch as many as possible, then teach them to look for them. Do these things and you will succeed in helping them restore their confidence.

Just the same, if you’re the one being bullied, you must do the above for yourself.

Glimmers can turn a crappy life into a happy life.

To find the glimmers, you must look for them. However, once you begin looking for them, you’ll see them everywhere.

Examples

Here are several examples of glimmers.

  • The first big snow of the winter season.
  • Watching a beautiful sunrise.
  • Visiting a friend or family member you haven’t seen in a long time.
  • Seeing a shooting star.
  • Catching a firefly and setting it free.
  • Watching fireflies at night.
  • Sitting outside at night under the stars.
  • Lying in the grass during the day and watching those billowy, cumulus clouds.
  • Falling into a huge pile of fallen Autumn leaves.
  • Cuddling a puppy or a kitten.
  • Spending time cooking with your mother.
  • Camping out with your dad.
  • Shopping with your grandma.
  • Watching a rainbow.
  • Sipping hot cocoa in front of a bonfire on a chilly autumn evening.
  • Smelling a rose.
  • Listening to a cat purr.
  • Blooming flowers in the spring.
  • Fall foliage.
  • Listening to a nostalgic song.
  • The smell of incoming rain.
  • Working in a garden.
  • A cool breeze on a warm spring day.
  • Lying on a sunny beach.

I could go on and on…

Breaking it Down.

Let’s use a few on the above list as examples and explain why this works so well.

1. Sitting outside at night under the stars is a beautiful and peaceful experience. It allows you to forget all your troubles and just be in the moment. Just imagine it!

As you gaze up at the stars and listen to the crickets, you feel a gentle breeze blow and hear the leaves lightly rustle in the trees.

It’s peaceful moments like that that help you to forget all your trauma and be present, if only for a short moment.

2. Cuddling a puppy or kitten can also help reverse triggers and turn them into glimmers. Just imagine holding that cute baby animal. Think about the small puppy licking you in the face or listening to that tiny kitten purring as you stroke it’s fur.

Again, this allows you to forget all your troubles and live in the moment. Your attention is focused solely on that sweet baby animal in your arms and not the trauma you suffered in the past.

This is how glimmers heal and energize you. Life is short! Therefore, catch as many glimmers as humanly possible!

You Must Train Yourself to look for the glimmers.

In other words, instead of focusing on the triggers – the bad things, search for the glimmers. And once you do, you’ll find them everywhere. Moreover, you’ll be able to create them!

What are the benefits?

Glimmers bring a sense of safety and security. Moreover, they provide a sense of calm and tranquility. In that, they make you feel peace, joy and happiness.

Glimmers are signs of hope!

Here are other things they do. They relieve stress and improve your well-being. They also spark feelings of gratitude.

Glimmers vs Triggers

As mentioned earlier, glimmers are the exact opposite of triggers. Triggers are signals of danger. On the other hand, glimmers signal safety.

Triggers make you feel threatened. Glimmers bring feelings of protection. The former makes you feel anxious. The latter, relaxed.

Triggers throw you into survival mode, whereas, glimmers place you in thriving mode. Triggers only stir you up. Glimmers calm you down.

A sense of panic comes from triggers. Glimmers foster a sense of calm. Triggers make you angry or upset. Glimmers make you feel happy and at peace.

Triggers prepare you for a hostile environment, whereas, glimmers get you ready for one that’s peaceful.

The former crashes your mood. The latter significantly lifts it. In short, glimmers improve your overall mental health!

Therefore, look for the glimmers, especially if people bully you. Although bullying can leave you in a very dark place, if you look for the glimmers, they can be tiny flickers of light in the darkness. It is those tiny flickers that can make a huge difference in your life!

Where did the term come from?

Glimmers is a fairly new term that comes from Deb Dana, psychologist and author of “Polyvagal Theory and the Rhythm of Regulation.” She teaches trauma victims how to counteract their triggers using glimmers.

Therefore, find the glimmers and use them to heal and overcome bullying and abuse. I can tell you that I’ll be actively looking for them from here on out!

This post was all about glimmers and what they are. Also, it was about how you can use them to benefit your mental health and buffer yourself from the onslaught of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

3. Make New Friends: 11 Insanely Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

4. How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

5. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

Your Key to Happiness

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To me, the key to happiness is finding purpose- a purpose that’s so much bigger than yourself, and contributing to it. Happiness comes when you answer a calling and make it your passion, purpose, and life’s work. Becoming an advocate for the bullied and tackling things about bullying that few people think about is where I get my happiness.

That purpose is informing others aspects of bullying that no one talks about and in that, helping targets reclaim their personal power. This is so much bigger than me. And it’s why it feels so rewarding!

Contributing to helping others more successfully battle bullying isn’t for material gain, fame, or fortune. It’s for my spiritual fulfillment. It’s the inner rewards I get. Rewards of the heart- knowing that this is making a difference and making the world a better place- even if just a little bit.

There’s no reward that matches that! I want to be the person I needed when I was targeted years ago.

Sure. Material rewards are nice, don’t get me wrong. And I certainly won’t turn them down if I’m ever blessed with them. I would love to make a good living doing what I love. After all, I’m human too.

But at the end of the day, the inner rewards- the rewards to the heart and spirit are more satisfying than I ever thought they would be.

It’s what keeps me going and it’s where my fulfillment comes from.

Living in The Past Is a Hallmark of Victim-Mentality

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A while back, a fellow blogger inspired this post with a comment, and she was spot on with it. For the life of me, I cannot remember who the blogger was, but I’d like to thank her in advance.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying still render themselves, victims by living in the past. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wondering if they could have done anything differently and wishing they had.

They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret. Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand because I did it too. However, when this goes on for years and years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Many survivors trap themselves in an endless cycle of what-ifs. They keep themselves stuck and forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from their experiences. Some seek revenge. Others only bury it, live in denial, and try to rewrite history.

Understand that this is a waste of your time.

On the other hand, some survivors become conquerors. They acknowledge that, yes, the bullying happened, and, yes, it was painful, then aspire to learn and grow from it.

I realize that, once you’re out of an extremely toxic environment, there will be a period of grief. Again, completely understandable. It’s okay to mourn the loss of time bullying caused. It’s okay, even recommended, to feel angry and hurt for a while. In no way should you ever trivialize this period of mourning because it’s real, and it happens to survivors when they’re fresh out of an abusive situation.

And different people have different periods of grief.

My crying stage lasted a month; yours may be a lot longer or shorter. It depends on the person. Some may choose to get therapy, and others won’t. But there comes the point when you must move on and not allow it to take over your life. Don’t let your bullies live in your mind rent-free for too many years. They’ve already taken away enough of your life. Don’t you think?

You owe it to yourself to heal and begin to accept what happened, then learn and grow from it. Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

With knowledge comes empowerment!