Tag: bullying

unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

devil horns

The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

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Do you want to know what the horns effect is and the why’s and how’s of it’s impact on victims of bullying? The H.E. is a type of bias that targets and their friends and family members need to know about.

the horns effect

Bullying not only destroys you confidence, it also destroys your reputation. Why? Because bullies smear and defame you to prevent you from having friends and getting support. Therefore, this can induce what psychologists call, the horns effect.

In this post, you will learn what the horns effect is and how it relates to bullying and effects victims.

Once you learn all about this phenomenon, you will be better able to not only explain it, but combat it and prevent it from happening to you again in the future.

This post is all about the horns effect, how bullies and bullying can bring it on you, and what you can do to minimize it.

The Horns Effect

What is it?

The Horns Effect (or Reverse Halo Effect) – is the opposite of the Halo Effect. It’s a form of bias that causes people’s perception of a person to be negative based on a single (perceived) negative trait.

No one’s perfect, and everyone has negative traits. However, the Horns Effect is an example of how one negative trait over-shadows the positive characteristics of a person.

Moreover, it’s how negative ratings of one quality can easily cross over to judgments of other attributes.

For example, here’s a beautiful and attractive woman. She works hard, has a good heart, and has talent in singing and playing the guitar.

Although the woman is kindhearted, is a knockout, and has superior skill in music, people may view her as foolish for whatever reason. Therefore, they may also view her as unattractive and untalented.

All it takes is one unfavorable rating of one characteristic to influence lower scores of other qualities.

All it takes is one characteristic people don’t like

What happens is that people jump to conclusions about a person too quickly, based only on one imperfection. As a result, they end up wrongly judging the individual.

Other examples of The Horns Effect are when people judge a group based on the behavior of a few bad apples. In other words, they may think that a person with a higher body weight is lazy and has no willpower.

Moreover, some may think that blondes are ditzy, blacks are thugs, whites are racist, and poor people are bums. The H.E. is the root of many stereotypes.

The problem is that we see something we don’t like about a person or a particular member of a group. We then go on judging them from our own unfavorable view.

This only determines our attitude and behavior toward them. Consequently, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when they push back. The demonized persons backlash only reinforces those negative attitudes that their bad traits are connected to all other characteristics.

The same thing happens when you’re bullied for so long. You finally get fed up and react out of emotion, which only reinforces the attitudes of others. People see you as overreacting, overly sensitive, or as having a mental imbalance.

The Horns Effect labels targets unjustly

If you’re not careful, your perfectly normal reaction will be to become defensive (as every action produces a reaction). Although this is a normal response and you’re definitely not wrong for it, understand that bullies are good at taking something normal, spinning it to fit their narrative, and making it seem bad or abnormal to others.

Here’s another example: When things go wrong, people tend to cut anyone else some slack. They,ll assume that things were only out of their control.

On the other hand, if the incident happened to be within their control, others pass it off as, “everyone makes mistakes.”

However, it will be different if it’s you. People will only view your every action with distrust.

The popular belief will be that you caused the mishap deliberately or had an agenda. Sadly, people do this subconsciously.

In other words, if anyone else is late for class or work, people will only think, “Oh, traffic must have been bad.” “Maybe so-and-so had a stressful morning.”

On the other hand, if you’re the one who’s late for class, people would only accuse you of not having your crap together or having no respect for authority.

This is known as confirmation bias.

The horns effect produces confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias happens when people actively search for and “find” evidence that proves that their negative opinions of you are right. All the while, they will discount any proof that doesn’t support their views of you.

In short, if you are a victim of bullying, chances are that people will negatively judge everything you do.

Understand that, once bullies have tarnished your reputation, others will have a psychological need to “be right” about you. Moreover, this is what leads bystanders and others around you to assume that any negative gossip about you is true.

Sadly, this occurs despite a complete lack of evidence.

Whereas, if the gossip is about anyone else, people won’t believe any accusation of wrongdoing. They’ll only ignore it, even if there’s a mountain of evidence to back it up.

The Horns Effect leads to bias and prejudice

The Horns Effect leads teachers and supervisors to disqualify people who are well-deserving of and qualified for awards. For instance, if you’re qualify for an award, people will become so biased against you that they’ll select someone who doesn’t.

Moreover, they’ll punish you for a particular behavior while overlooking the same behavior in anyone else. People’s personal dislike, disrespect and hatred of you will influence this.

And if they happen to see any improvement or positive change in you, they won’t believe it. Or, they’ll assume it won’t last.

Others will only see it as, “Oh, she’s just on her best behavior to impress others and get them off her tail. She’ll be back to her bitch-self soon enough. Just give her time.”

At the same time, they may not see poor and unacceptable behavior in someone other than the you. With anyone else, people will say, “Oh, so-and-so would never have done that! That sounds like something (your name) would do!”

In other words, others will make excuses for someone else.

“I’m sure Becky didn’t mean to do XYZ.”

Or “Maybe Rhonda is just going through some things and that’s why she snapped and hit Chrissy with a baseball bat.”

The Horns Effect is the root of discrimination and prejudice just like the Halo Effect is the root of favoritism and partiality.

Under the horns effect, peers and superiors are less patient with you.

For example, teachers are less patient with you if you ask questions in class and you may eventually stop asking for help. Therefore, you won’t learn as much, won’t work as hard, and won’t make very high grades.

Consequently, this will only activate the teacher’s confirmation bias and reinforce her sullied opinion of you. She’ll only assume that you’re a lazy student.

If you’re under the thumb of the Horns Effect, others begin to see you as a terrible person. And they will block any opportunities for friendships, relationships, and success as word travels quickly.

Anytime you suffer bullying and it seems you can’t do anything right by anyone, you can bet that you’re under the spell of The Horns Effect.

An Unfair Disadvantage 

It doesn’t matter whether you deserve the hatred others have toward you. The Horns Effect mars everyone’s interactions with you.

As a result, it leaves you feeling like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. Because though you may try, you can’t seem to get anywhere with people.

And because you’re unhappy, miserable, depressed and angry (and who wouldn’t be under those circumstances?), everyone will only feel justified in their hatred.

Therefore, once the Horn Effect takes hold and people form an image of you, it’s almost impossible to change. No matter what or how many good deeds you do, or how kind you are to others, people will see your goodness as a ploy to kiss-up and score brownie points.

the Horns Effect is A powerful tool for bullies

Understand that The Horns Effect is what bullies count on. And once the bullies complete their agenda of destroying your reputation, The Horns Affect automatically comes into play.

It’s tough to get others to change their first impressions of you. Though you can do it, it takes a truckload of patience and consistency.

Moreover, it takes a certain amount of pointing out your good qualities, hard work and successes to people. Ironically, this can backfire if you aren’t careful, because people may only think you’re trying to build yourself up.

Therefore, realize that any effort to effect change may do no good or make the situation worse. Because people naturally base their decisions and behavior on deeply hidden feelings. In other words, their actions toward you are subconscious.

Judgements Based on Emotions

Most people are either too lazy or too full-of-themselves to do any critical thinking. Therefore, they will rationalize any hateful behavior. Also, they will search for clues which confirm that their attitude, feelings and subsequent actions and behavior are justified.

Teachers will often grade student’s papers based on their biases. In other words, they rank a student’s essay based on how they perceive that student. If a teacher sees a student to be a lazy low performer, they’ll grade their assignments through that lens.

Understand that people don’t judge you for what’s actually there. They judge you from what they expect to be there.

Put another way, if they expect trouble to come from a particular place, then that’s where they’re going to look. Therefore, this brings me back to the subject. If people don’t like one thing about you, chances are they won’t like anything else about you, good or bad.

The Horns Effect: Who you are cancels out merit

Most ideas don’t stand on their own merits. People judge ideas based on who they come from. It’s a dark part of human nature.

The Horns and Halo Effects have a way of clouding people’s judgment of a person. People will make irrational beliefs because, again, they believe that the existence of one bad trait means that there are other unpleasant qualities.

Any time you are under the shadow of The Horns Effect, anything you say, accomplish, create or do is automatically dismissed without consideration of whether it’s genuine.

No matter who said it or did it, it’s either genuine or it isn’t, based on its own merit. It is what it is, no matter who it came from. A good idea is a good idea, even if it comes from the town whore. Whereas, a bad idea is a bad idea, even if it came from a pastor’s wife.

Unfortunately, you have little control over other’s perceptions and opinions of you. And, as mentioned earlier, people tend not to make judgements based on merit.

However, there are a few things you can do. One of which is to take care of yourself.

Do the things you love most and that fulfill your soul. Also, lean on and draw closer to the people who love you.

This is  how you keep the spell of The Horns Effect from trashing your self-esteem.

This post is all about the horns effect so that unjustly disgraced victims of bullying can better understand what’s happening to them. Moreover, they can take steps to repair and salvage their confidence and psychological well-being.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

bullying culture at work

Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

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‘Want to know whether your school or workplace has a bullying culture? Here are all the things you should watch for.

bullying culture

Schools, workplaces, and even communities with a bullying culture can make for environments that are toxic and foster a sense of danger. In these kinds of environments, people tend to operate under the “laws of the jungle.”

The mentality is that “might makes right” and that you can only attain power through the use of brute force. Moreover, these toxic environments can negatively impact not only your mental health but your physical health as well.

In this post, you will learn how to read the environment and recognize whether you’re in a toxic environment with a culture of bullying.

Once you learn all the bad signs, you will be able to decide what measures you must take to keep yourself safe and if you even want to remain in this type of environment.

This post is all about bullying culture and how to recognize it so that you can take steps to better protect yourself.

Bullying Culture

Schools, workplaces, and communities that have this type of culture are places where people accept bullying. In other words, they consider it a normal part of life.

Moreover, the torment of a particular person can become status quo or habit­ with classmates because it has already gone unchecked. If you’re this “particular person,” know that you are in danger and should take steps to leave the environment.

You must go someplace new, where you can start fresh and be safe. I’ll explain further as we go.

In toxic places, the bullying of a certain individual is like a cancer that grows and spreads. In other words, like cancer, it always starts out small.

How It Progresses

The Early Stages:

For example, a bully scans the environment, seeking whom he can torment. When they spots a potential victim, they test the waters by way of small, snarky comments, backhanded or compliments.

They will take tiny nibbles at you, which are so subtle, they’ll be unnoticeable to others. However, they’ll make you feel uncomfortable.

Therefore, realize that bullies do this to see how you react. If you do nothing, the bullies will only see this as a green light to continue bullying you. This is when they will select you as their target.

Bullies then put the word out that you’re an easy target. Word soon spreads throughout the entire school, company, or community that you’re ripe for bullying. Therefore, a few others will join in.

Bullying Culture:

However, heed this warning!

If others continue bullying you over a certain amount of time, without repercussions, the abuse will become the status quo.

Even in as little time as short as a few weeks, it will likely become customary for these people to bully you.  And once it becomes the status quo, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself without encountering a ton of resistance and reprisals.

Therefore, the trick is to stand up for yourself immediately. You must do it before people grow accustomed to tormenting you because once they do, it’s likely too late.

For example, people have bullied you for years. You finally get fed up, put your foot down, and stand up to your bullies. The abuse has gotten out of control and now, you refuse to bow down any longer.

One of your bullies takes it as a challenge and physically attacks you, only for you to beat the living hell out of them.

However, instead of accepting that you beat the crap out of them and going away, the bullies are outraged! They can’t accept that they got punked by someone they thought was inferior to them.

Therefore, they plot to re-enforce their power by retaliating. Not only do they want to re-enforce their dominance, they also have an insatiable desire to punish you severely.

How dare you! How dare you challenge their authority over you! This is the prevailing thought.

Bullying Culture

Middle Stages:

As time goes by, the torment you endure becomes more of a regular, everyday occurrence. Therefore, more and more people will assume that it’s okay to bully you.

You’ll notice that the taunts and verbal bullying grow more severe until they morph into physical attacks. Once this happens, others will become more and more brutal with their violence.

For example, they make begin with tripping you or running into you “accidentally on purpose.” The next thing you know, they are shoving you against the wall or to the floor.

After this goes on for a week or two, people begin punching and kicking you. Then, once they get bored with doing this, they graduate to brutally beating and choking you.

Thus, the attacks become harder to combat.

At the same time, the bullies and everyone else employ smear campaigns and set you up to get into trouble with authority.

Sadly, this set the stage for TDS, target derangement syndrome or you could call it VDS (victim derangement syndrome. Why, because, by this stage, everyone fosters a sick hatred for you.

Therefore, you have difficulty getting help and protecting yourself.

Again, heed this warning! Any time bullying is allowed to continue, it becomes a habit- a ritual. In other words, people get used to seeing it.

Therefore, when you muster up the spunk to say or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a status quo.

And once you dare to go against any status quo, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

This is why the best time to defend yourself is during the early stages!

Bullying Culture

Late Stages:

The bullying has now become a ritual. In other words, people habitually bully you and have internal motivations to do so.

Moreover, they feel that bullying you brings a positive effect (on them). Put another way, they may think that abusing you is for the good of the school, workplace or community.

Therefore, the violence has become the status quo in the environment. Others refuse to help you because bullies have discredited you.

Moreover, the long-term abuse you have suffer has desensitize everyone else. Some openly enjoy seeing people persecute you. Also, because of the smear campaigns, they hold the widely-spread belief that you’re trouble. Yet, they don’t know how or why?

The prevailing thought is, “Well, no one likes you anyway, so there has to be some justification to it.”.

Therefore, they have set the power dynamic firmly put in place and they do desperate things to maintain the status quo.

Bullying Culture

Late-Late Stages:

In this stage, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself. Why? Because you’ve waited too long. Therefore, your bullies are comfortable with abusing you and bystanders have grown comfortable with seeing it.

You are a victim! And people refuse to see you as anything but.

When you become a victim, others either consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay one. They expect you to put your head down and take the abuse.

In other words, if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

This is because any semblance of change frightens bullies, as it does most people. What frightens bullies the most is a change in the power dynamic which has long been set.

They want you to stay a victim because, “it’s just the way things are done here.”.  Also, bullies benefit from victimizing you. Therefore, and they don’t want to lose those benefits.

The advantages can be social status, gratification, satisfaction, or entertainment.

Furthermore, people come to believe that they have a right to abuse you. Moreover, they believe that they have absolute authority over you. Therefore, they feel entitled to inflict misery on you.

In the mind of a bully, you don’t have the right to undermine, nor question their power and authority. Therefore, you should just shut your mouth and take it.

Sadly, it is in this stage that you either live in misery, get murdered, leave the environment, or takes your own life.

In Conclusion:

I hope that you choose to leave the environment and go someplace where you can start fresh, heal, and begin rebuilding your life.

Therefore, this bears repeating. You absolutely MUST address it early on, as soon as you begin to see a pattern forming. Do not make the same mistake many do and let it get so bad that you either fear for, or want to end your own life.

Here’s another thing to consider. If the bullying has gone on too long and you’ve tried standing up for your rights to no avail. It’s probably time to find a way to leave the environment. Granted, this may not be feasible. However, it might be the only way for you to finally be safe.

This is an absolute must!

This post was all about bullying culture, how you recognize it and what you must do to ensure your safety. Also, the purpose of this post is to instill in you the importance of taking action during the early stages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

2. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

foes

The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

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‘Want to know the advantages of having enemies? Here are all the positives that you need to know about.

the advantages of having enemies

Many people, especially victims of bullying, belief that having enemies is a bad thing. But, what if I told you that there are positives to having enemies?

In this post, you will learn the advantages of having enemies so that you can finally feel better about having them.

Once you learn all the positives enemies can bring, your confidence will rise and you will feel so much better about yourself. Also, you will be able to more calmly and intelligently deal with any bully who comes for you.

This post is all about the advantages of having enemies that you must be aware of in order to boost your confidence and self-esteem.

The Advantages of Having Enemies

“You can tell a man’s vises by his friends, his virtues by his enemies.” – Ben Domenech.

There is value in having enemies. If you meet a person who has not one enemy, you would naturally be suspicious of that person and wonder if they’re either lying or mistaken.

However, if they do have enemies and (even better) are proud of that, it means they stood for something at some point in life. As a result, they made some people uncomfortable.

Understand that everyone has enemies. They may not admit it or may not know it, but they do have an enemy out there somewhere.

What are the advantages of having enemies?

Before we get to the advantages, let’s first discuss why it is that most people consider enemies a bad thing.

Too many people feel that they must win a popularity contest, and they go out of their way to do it. They suck up, trying to be someone they aren’t just to run with the pack.

Moreover, they  seek attention, and bully those they see as defective. What’s even sadder is that they reach a point where they don’t know who they are anymore.

The sad thing is that, in doing these self-demeaning things, they unknowingly make themselves slaves to other people’s opinions and, therefore, slaves to others.

You must know that this is a waste of time and too much work. Even worse, it chips away at your self-esteem. You end up letting yourself down to please others, and that’s not good.

Realize that the only way you can be free is to be true to yourself and let others have their opinions of you, good or bad. Realize that opinions are just that- opinions. 

Opinions are like elbows. Everybody has them and they’re are just as cheap as talk.

We must learn to re-frame our attitudes about enemies.

Enemies have a negative opinion of you. Some may dislike you and some may even hate you. However, instead of trying to win over people who can’t be won, be glad that you have enemies because enemies see you as a challenge.

Moreover, some may view you as a threat to them somehow and others may want to compete with you in something.

Therefore, rest assured that having enemies can be a good thing. It’s all in the way you look at it.

Also, realize that your enemies don’t know you on a personal level, and probably never did. They aren’t and never were anyone who matters.

The weight you should give to anyone’s opinions, thoughts, or feelings depends on who holds it and and the relationship you have with those people.

Here are the advantages of having enemies:

1. Having enemies means that you stood for something.

Whether you stood up for your beliefs and convictions, or you stood up for someone being bullied, you stood for something and that angers a lot of people.

Also, you may have refused to participate in something bad. Or, you may have refused to go along with something that could’ve gotten people hurt or killed, you had the courage to be disliked. This makes you a very brave person with integrity.

Therefore, understand that bullies and their followers lack integrity. And those who don’t have integrity are people who’s approval and acceptance you don’t need. Feel great about making enemies out of them!

2. The advantages of having enemies is that you’re not afraid to be yourself.

You’re authentically you, and that’s a good thing. Sadly, there are more fake people in the world than there are people who are genuine. So, anytime you choose to just be yourself, you will make enemies. See this as a given.

Understand that when you choose to be yourself, you choose such sweet freedom. Maybe your enemies are jealous of your freedom and the confidence and strength of character you exude. Maybe they want those characteristics that you possess but don’t know how to get them.

Also, realize that fake people feel very threatened by those who decide to be themselves because a person who is true to themselves is more likely to call them out on their fakery.

Therefore, always keep these things in mind.

3. There’s power in having enemies.

Yes! You heard that correctly!

The reason for that power is that your enemies automatically make you relevant. In an enemy’s desire to “get you,” you consume their mind. In other words, they can’t stop thinking about you and obsessing over ways to stick it to you.

Therefore, which person has the power, them or you? This is true especially if you have an enemy who hates you.

4. The Advantages of having enemies: You control your enemies whether you mean to or not.

This goes back to number three because when you control something, you have power over it, whether or not it’s intentional.

An example of this would be your enemy catching sight of you at a party or in the supermarket. A flood of negative emotions immediately washes over them. Your enemy may either lash out or they may leave. Either way, you made an impact on them, regardless if it’s negative.

That’s power!

5. You might have beat them at something.

Whether your partner chose you over them or you beat them at a contest, let’s face it. Most people are sore losers, especially nowadays.

So, instead of agonizing over it, feel good about it!

6. The Advantages of Having Enemies: They motivate you to do well.

Nothing feels better than to show up an enemy. Therefore, let that be a motivation for you to follow your dreams. Continue to follow your path, work on your goals, and live your best life!

7. They can strengthen your courage and your resilience if you let them.

 This means using your enemies as fuel to power through obstacles and get things done. Achieve and accomplish! Your enemies may or may not notice, but you will.

Celebrate the small wins you enjoy!

The Advantages of Having Enemies:

In Conclusion

Understand that anyone’s dislike or hatred of you more than likely comes from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more.

And take it with a grain of salt. Moreover, only value the opinions of those who know you- God, and those of you closest family members and friends.

It’s the same with your bullies and haters- they dislike or hate you out of any or all of the above filthy five characteristics mentioned above.

Furthermore, realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. This means that you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power by not allowing their thoughts and how they feel about your to control you.

Know Your Worth.

Begin seeing your worth and you realize that you are much more successful and better off than they will probably ever be. Moreover, ask yourself these questions:

“Have any of these people even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?

“Who are they that I should even care?”

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions, especially enemies, are relevant nor do their words mean anything.

Don’t let your enemies stop you from being yourself.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices. And do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

So, if you have enemies, be proud of it. It means that you’ve taken a stand and that you’re not afraid to be different. If you have enemies and are okay with having them, then you have the freedom, and you can do anything you want. Always remember that

This post was all about the advantages of having enemies and what they can do for your confidence and self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

non verbal bullying examples

Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

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‘Want to know all the non verbal bullying language examples bullies use? Here are all the gestures, head to toe, that you need to know and recognize when you see it.

non verbal bullying

Bullying body language is super easy to read if you know what to look for and which parts of the bully’s body to look. However, many victims of bullying and even non-victims haven’t been taught the details of non verbals.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the physical cues of non verbal bullying from head to toe so that you can know when you’re about to be attacked and take steps to protect yourself before it happens.

Once you learn about all these physical signs of hostility, you will be much quicker in deploying defense measures to ensure your physical and mental safety. Moreover, you will be able to mirror your bullies’ mean gestures in a way that will make them think twice about coming for you.

This post is all about non verbal bullying so that you can confidently counter it and feel better about yourself, knowing that you stood up to your bullies’ silent threats.

Non Verbal Bullying

Many bullies use body language to bully you. For example, they may give you a threatening look from across a crowded room. Maybe one of them looks at you and makes the slitting throat gesture to let you know what you can expect later.

You may ask, “Why do bullies use gestures? Why don’t they just come out and say it directly?”

The reason must seasoned bullies prefer the use of facial expressions and gestures is because they are silent and less detectable by others.

In other words, it’s just a sneakier way for them to try and intimidate you without getting caught and possibly getting into trouble.

Therefore,

Without Further delay, here are the body language cues you must watch for.

Eyes- That Creepy Piercing Glare.

The eyebrows narrow and the eyes bore into you without blinking. The head does not move. The person stares you down as if they want to attack you.

Bullies pull this number to either challenge or intimidate their you. Therefore, here’s what you do to counter them.

Return the stare. Then, keep your eyes boring into them until they look away.

Doing this tells the bully that they don’t scare you and that you’re willing to go toe to toe with them if you have to.

Do this and the bully will likely leave you alone.

Nose- The Nostril Flare.

You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flare when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies.

The nostrils flare to take in extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. When a bully does this, you’d better believe that he’s hostile.

Therefore, when a person’s nostrils flare at you, look out! Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to defend yourself.

Also, the bully will likely do this while staring you down. Therefore, return the glare and the nostril flare to let them know that they don’t intimidate you.

Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Jaws- The Jaw Clinch.

The bully is gritting his teeth at the target and hiding it. When this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding.

The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight. Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore it. Stay vigilant.

Moreover, stare the bully directly in the eyes. But one quick note. Staring the bully in the eyes can be intimidating.

Therefore, if you can’t look them in the eyes, look them between their eyes. This is much easier and the bully won’t know the difference.

Mouth- Pursing of the Mouth or the one-Sided Upper-Lip Raise.

There are many expressions bullies use with their mouths. One of which is, The One-Sided Upper-Lip Raise.

Coupled with a glare, people raise one side of their upper lip to convey contempt or disgust. Therefore, return the sentiment and the bully will likely stop.

Again, the trick is to maintain your return glare until the bully breaks eye contact and goes away.

Thinned or Pursed Lips are a sign of hostility. Again, return the sentiment.

Snarling and baring of the teeth. This also conveys hostility. As always mirror the bullies- return the expression but be prepared.

Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Chin- The Jutted Chin.

The bully tilts the head back and juts his chin forward all for the purpose of looking down his nose at you. When the bully does this, he is either challenging you, trying to intimidate you, or he truly thinks he’s superior.

Therefore, you must return the look and the bully will likely back down.

Neck- The Exposed Neck.

The bully will expose and lengthen the neck to challenge you. People do this to show that they aren’t afraid of the person in front of them and can hold their own if necessary.

Also, bullies do it to make themselves appear taller and to intimidate anyone in their way. As with the other cues of hostility and contempt, reflect the gesture back to the bully and they’ll likely go on about their business .

Shoulders- The Shoulder Throw.

Bullies will often throw their shoulders back to convey confidence and power.

Therefore, if you want to appear confident, never slouch the shoulders. Always stand up straight, tall, and with your shoulders back.

Non Verbal Bullying

Chest- The Puffed-Out Chest.

The bully’s chest puffs outward toward the target. The chest fills with extra air in preparation for a possible fight.

Again, this is not only done to make the bully look bigger and to intimate his opponent but also a sign of a coming physical attack. Therefore, don’t back down.

Backing down will only show the bully that you’re afraid and they won’t stop bullying you. Instead, be prepared to defend yourself. Stand tall, and change to a fighting stance.

Arms- Akimbo.

The arms of a bully are often akimbo (elbows out, hands on hips, thumbs forward). This makes the bully appear bigger and more powerful. Also, bullies use this posture to intimidate any opponent and show power and superiority.

To ward them off, mirror their posture back to them. Stand with power, and send the message that you won’t be a victim.

Crossed Arms.

When coupled with the jutted chin, bullies will also cross their arms anytime they’re facing someone. Crossed arms are not only a sign of superiority and power, they are also considered closed body language.

Why, because when a bully crosses his arms when facing their opponent, they are “closed” to anything the other person has to say.

However, vote that victims will also cross their arms in intimidation when confronted by a bully. The difference is that they cross their arms to avoid a possible attack to the torso or they may throw their hands and arms in front of the face and neck.

Also, instead of using the jutted chin, a victim will lower the head, hide the neck, and slouch. This is where paying attention to clustered body language comes in.

Therefore, to keep bullies away, never slouch, lower the head nor hide the neck. Always look confident!

Again, mirror the same body language back to the bully to keep from looking afraid. This will likely make the bully think twice.

More Non Verbal Bullying Examples

Hands- The Clenching Fists.

The bully will often clench their fists when they want to physically attack their opponent. Always see this as a sign the person wants to harm you and be ready in case they do.

Mid-Section- The Crotch Expose.

This is done mostly by boys and men. Although it is a sign of sexual interest in a potential mate, it can also be used to intimidate and for dominance and power.

Trust me. You’ll know the difference.

If you are a male victim, take a power pose and mirror the bully. If you are female and this is used by a male bully for intimidation, either stand facing the bully with your feet apart and hands on your hips.

Then challenge him with a glare or you can give him a dismissive look and walk away.

Legs- Legs Apart.

Most bullies stand with their feet shoulder-width apart to appear bigger and more powerful. Confident people also stand this way.

Therefore, if you want to appear confident and ward off bullies, this is how you should stand.

Non Verbal Bullying

The Dominant Leg Back-step.

This is when the bully steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes!

If you see the bully step back with one leg, either get clear or be prepared to fight!

Feet- The Toe Point.

Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading. The toes always point to where the person wants to go. If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction.

In contrast, if the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you and their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you. Moreover, you’ll know the subtle non verbal tactics they use as well.

This post was all about non verbal bullying Examples and used different body parts to give you all the body language so that you can spot hostility and be ready to stand up to bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

how does bullying affect the victims friendships in school

How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

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How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships? It’s a question that needs answering in great detail.

how does bullying affect the victims friendships

Bullying not only impacts the victim’s health, but also their friendships and social life.

In this post, you will have the exact answers to the question, “How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?” Moreover, we will go over all the impacts in detail, discussing the hows and why’s of it.

Once you learn these social ramifications, you will be more motivated to help your bullied loved one. Or, if you’re the victim, you will be compelled to take powerful steps to protect yourself.

This post gives all the answers to the burning question, “How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?” Moreover, we discuss how you can reverse the social damages bullying causes you if you’re a victim.

How does bullying affect the victim’s relationships?

1. Your Friends May Endure Social Pressure

They may be afraid that your bullies may bully them too.

Your friends may endure social pressure to turn on you. Understand that bullies go after your friends to make them afraid of being seen with you. Why? Because your bullies’ intentions is to isolate you from everyone else.

No one wants to be bullied, and that includes your friends. Therefore, when your bullies bully them too, you then become a liability to them. And once they see you as the cause to their social suffering and a threat to their social position, it’s not a question of if but when they turn on you.

“But what would the bullies have to gain by isolating me?” You may ask.

By isolating you, they make  you more vulnerable to their abuse. ‘You see? Having friends means having support. In other words, friends are a line of defense and bullies know this.

Therefore, they manipulate your friends to turn them against you to strip you of any support (or defenses) you may have.

They do this because, without friends to support and defend you, your bullies can bully you freely and without fear of anyone retaliating or holding them accountable.

In other words, when there isn’t the possibility of anyone helping you, bullies have full and complete carte blanche to attack you anytime they feel like it.

2. How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?

Your Friends May be Tempted by the Prospect of Social Status.

It’s human nature to want social status. We all want it. However, decent people know that it isn’t the end all be all.

With that said, your friends may decide that they want to climb the social ladder more than they want to continue associating with you. Therefore, they cease contact with you.

But, realize that these people never were your friends. If they were, they never wouldn’t dropped you in the first place.

You don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

3. Your Friends Allow Your Bullies to Use Them to Get Information on You.

First, let me say this. If your friends allow your bullies to use them to get personal information and deep secrets about you and your life, then they aren’t friends at all. What they are, is a bunch of two-faced sellouts!

Additionally, these types of individuals are than enemies because, with enemies, you know exactly where you stand. Therefore, you know it’s best to keep your distance from them. In other words, you know to keep these people out of your life.

Not so with traitors. A traitor will be sneaky, and they’ll make it a point to stick close to you so that they can continue to get juicy information about your life, with which to report back to your bullies.

So, what are ways bullies use your so-called friends to bait you?

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

Your Bullies Have Your Friends ask you personal questions. 

Your (fake)friends won’t seem nosy when they ask you. They’ll come under the pretense of deep concern for your well-being. They’ll have you fooled, thinking they really care about you when they’re only trying to gather your private details.

2. They have them stick extra close to you.

Your so-called friends will watch you closely and scrutinize everything you say and do. Also, they’ll try to find out who you associate with besides them.

These people will want to know who your family members are, where you live, everything. Therefore, beware when they seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog.

3. They have them go through your belongings when you aren’t around.

Oh, yes! Your fake friends will go through your purse. Moreover, they’ll go through your notebook to see what you’re writing in it, and they’ll snoop through your email.

For example, two of your friends are visiting you at home. You’re all sitting in your living room and having coffee. You suddenly have to go to the bathroom and you excuse yourself, telling them you’ll be right back.

Then, one of them gets up and noses through your mail while the other keeps an eye out for you.

Another example would be that they may even swing by the night before trash pick-up day and grab your trash after you set it out by the curb. They will then take it somewhere safe and snoop through it.

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

Your bullies have your friends hawk your social media profiles and pages.

Sadly, many people post things on social media they really shouldn’t. Or they post things that are too easily taken out of context.

For example, in the early days of Facebook, I’ll admit that I posted a complaint from time to time. These were posts about bad service, idiot drivers, and ignorant people (without name-dropping, of course).

Although I didn’t post anything personal, it still wasn’t good policy. Understand that these are posts that can very easily be taken out of context, so it’s probably better to keep any complaints private.

Why are your Friends the first people bullies approach?

It’s no secret that many bullies are brazen. Therefore, they’ll have the audacity to go to your friends to get secrets about you because they don’t fear that your friends will tell them to piss off.

And in most cases they won’t.

It’s especially painful when those you thought were friends suddenly go turncoat. In other words, it’s not the bullies who hurt you the most. It’s the betrayal from friends and the silence of bystanders.

Therefore, understand that during a smear campaign, your friends will be at the top of your bullies’ list of people they wish to win over to their side.

Here’s why.

1. How does bullying affect the victim’s friendships?

Bullies know that if they can get the people you care about and trust the most to turn against you, they’ll be able to strike a devastating blow!

Again, having bullies, total strangers and people you don’t care much about turn against you is painful.. However, it’s much easier to take than if it’s someone you care about.

Nothing hurts worse than having the people you love most and think highly of turn against you.

2. By persuading your most cherished friends to turn against you, your bullies take away much needed social support.

In other words, if they can isolate you from your friends, bullies know that they can make you more vulnerable. Moreover, they know that you’re likely to become stressed and your performance and activities will take a hit.

This will make it much easier for them to bully you.

3. Your friends Likely know the most intimate details about you and your life.

Bullies know that if they can get your friends to turn against you, then they will have complete access to the most private knowledge about you.

In other words, your friends will most likely know about your deepest, darkest secrets and weaknesses.

Moreover, they may also be privy to about any future plans you’re making. and anything you may have said about the bullies.

Bullies can easily exploit, even weaponize these kinds of information.

4. How Does Bullying Affect The Victim’s Friendships.

there’s a strong chance that if Friends turn against you, bystanders will too.

People will figure that if your own friends turn against you, then damn! You must really have it coming! You must have done something pretty lowdown and dirty!

They may wonder if you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend or spouse. Maybe you stole from a friend. Maybe you emotionally abused their child.

When others see that your own friends have turned against you, all these above possible reasons immediately come to mind. That’s the worst thing about being hung out to dry.

5. associating with you may cause your friends’ positions on the social scene to weaken. Therefore, they put themselves at risk of becoming the next target.

Why, because people consider those who are bullied as unattractive and therefore, go out of their way to avoid forming friendships with them.

So, if your own friends turn against you, why would anyone else be fool enough to have anything to do with you?

Here’s what you should do:

Whatever you do, don’t be nice about it!

If nothing else, realize this. Anyone who claims to be a friend and stabs you in the back has no place in your life. Moreover, if you find out they’ve betrayed you, it’s time to ditch and switch to new friends.

Also, it’s best to make friends outside the bullying environment. Then you can show these new friends the awesome you that you can’t show in the environment you’re bullied in.

When you drop these people, you might be friendless for a while. However, think about this.

Did you have any friends in the first place while your fake friends were betraying you? Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to deal with fakers who only pretend to be for you when they’re really siding with the enemy?

Therefore, ditch your fake friends, then wait for better people to find you. I promise you that they will eventually.

This post provided all the answers to the question, “How does Bullying affect the victim’s friendships” so that you’ll know what to expect out of many of your friends when bullies bully you and what you can do to retake your self-respect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

bully teacher

Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

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Unfortunately, bullying by teachers is not uncommon. ‘Want to know the 15 signs your teacher is bullying you? These are the proven and time-tested signs that I’ve personally experienced.

bullying by teachers

It’s one thing when other students bully you. However, it’s another when the people harassing you are teachers. Being bullied by a teacher can be devastating because the bullying teacher holds a lot of power over you. So, how do you know if a teacher is bullying you and what can you do about it?

In this post, you will learn the surefire signs of bullying by teachers and the steps you can take to protect yourself.

Once you learn these tell-tale indicators, not only will you know what to do in your particular situation, but you’ll gather the courage to do what you must do to protect yourself and your future.

This post is all about bullying by teachers, the signs to look for, and what you can do to defend yourself and secure your future.

Bullying by teachers

Sadly, teachers who bully students are more common than we think. Although most schoolteachers are altruistic souls who love kids and want to help them, there are also plenty of bad apples in the teaching profession.

Many teachers and school staff often stick targets of mobbing and bullying with labels. They brand them with labels, such as, “trouble,” “difficult,” or “problem child.”

Consequently, this sets a dangerous precedent because it sets the targeted child up to be discriminated against by their school.  Moreover, it encourages other classmates to bully the targeted kid worse.

Therefore, when adults become prejudiced against a child, it creates a very hostile and dangerous environment.

Why? Because victims aren’t afforded the same due process that their classmates enjoy. As a result, the school staff only empower the bullies. Even worse, they end up supporting the bullies, even encouraging them to bully that child.

And because the child’s brain is still developing, they may not know how to handle such abuse.

What happens when targets act out due to prolonged bullying and resulting stress?

Let’s face it, no one can withstand the intense pressure of bullying and mobbing for long. A person can only be pushed so far. If you kick a dog long enough, you’ll get bit eventually.

When a target is bullied and mobbed by their classmates, they are forced to submit to horrendous and downright grotesque abuse.  Then, when teachers join in, it compounds an already horrific situation,.

However, this kind of bullying is unfathomable to most adults. The message targets receive from others is just to “shut up and take it.”

In fact, when you’re a target of school bullying and mobbing, your world becomes quite Kafkaesque. Moreover, even you have a hard time believing what you’re experiencing. So, is it any wonder that no one else can believe it either?

The questions, “What the hell?” and “Is this really happening?” come to mind.  You feel as if you’ve stepped into the twilight zone.

This is because being mobbed is the feeling of being crushed by nonsensical, bizarre, and blind abuse.

Just imagine what this does to a child or teenager.

Bullying by teachers: the targeted child is powerless to understand or control what is happening.

The target suffers mistreatment, isolation, exclusion, and yes- even brutal physical beatings.

Therefore, the bullied child will be too afraid to plead for help because he knows that the school staff will ignore his cries. And what’s more frightening is that his bullies will take retribution on him for daring to open his mouth.

Eventually the target snaps and acts inappropriately due to long-lasting and extreme stress because the bullying and abuse she suffers has only fallen on deaf ears.

The bullies assaults against the target will continue to be overlooked. However, the target’s reactions to it won’t be ignored. Therefore, the target becomes re-victimized by the very adults, school, and system which are supposed to protect her.

Here’s an example:

A girl is bullied by everyone in her class. The teacher either doesn’t see it or thinks the girl deserves it.

Also, maybe, the teacher thinks that bullying is only a right of passage that builds character. During one occasion, the bully sitting behind the targeted girl pulls her hair.

As a result, the target gets fed up with the bullies’ attacks. Unable to tolerate any more abuse, she turns around and punches the bully who pulled her hair.

Now the teacher, very conveniently, doesn’t see the other girl pull the target’s hair. However, she does see the target turn around and punch the bully in the nose. Therefore, the teacher punishes the target without even considering what the other classmate did to prompt her to punch her.

Consequently, the message the teacher sends is crystal clear. The victim has no recourse, and the bully has carte blanche to continue bullying her in the future.

And so, it goes. The same scenario repeats itself a few times. And, the next thing you know, it is the victim the school staff paints with a bad brush.  Afterwards, everyone becomes labels her a riffraff.

The principal then, from time to time, catches the victim in the hall between classes. He tells her, aloud, in front of the other students, that she’d better watch her step because he has his eye on her.

As fate would have it, the other kids, especially the bullies, overhear the principal and see it as the green light they’ve been looking for. Therefore, they become even more emboldened to continue their abuse because they know the school authorities will only blame her and give them a pass.

Bullying by teachers: The bullying gets worse because, after all, if the victim complains, who’s going to listen to them? They’re the “problem child.”

Therefore, the school staff continue to harangue the target, making her situation much worse than what it needs to be. And their justification for their treatment of the victim is to protect the other students who fit into what is “normal” and obey the rules.

Conveniently, they continue use this excuse to defend their emotional abuse of the victim. Thus, they get to single her out for humiliation in front of God and everyone anytime they feel like it.

Understand that, when this occurs, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

Therefore, if you’re one of these targeted students, it’s imperative that you hold on to your sense of self. Hold on to your pride, confidence, and self-belief with everything you have.

It’s also crucial that all you parents and grandparents teach these children how. You must teach your bullied kids to believe in themselves even when it seems that no one else believes in them. You must teach them to know their worth even when it seems that others don’t.

Moreover, you must teach your kids to love and respect themselves even as others hate and disrespect them. Why? Because it is during the most difficult times that they’re need these virtues the most.

With that said, here are the signs of bullying by teachers:

1. The teacher harshly punishes you for things everyone else in the class gets away with.

If ever you notice that your teacher yells at or punishes you for things other classmates get away with, it’s a sure sign they’re singling you out.

Realize that anytime teachers bully students, they seem to actively look for the tiniest of infractions to use against these students.

Therefore, watch for the next time another student does the thing the teacher reprimanded you for. And once you see it, call it out to the teacher by asking, “Didn’t he just do the same thing you got onto me for? And he gets a pass.”

That’s right. We must have the courage to call these things out because it’s the only way to change it.

Another thing you can do is to document it all in detail. Sometimes, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. This means keeping your own records of every bullying incident.

Therefore, write it down in a daily journal and be sure to use the 5W method. When you use the 5W method, you write down the What, Who, When, Where, and Why. And if possible, How.

In other words, you must record What happened and Who was involved and the names of any witnesses. Also, record When the incident occurred by writing down the exact date and time of incident.

Additionally, you must record Where it happened and Why it happened. For instance, did it happen in third period class. And was it because you previously reported the teacher for bullying you earlier that week?

Documentation is of the utmost importance when a person in power bullies you.

2. Bullying by teachers: The teacher allows bullies in class to bully you.

Anytime the teacher watches others bullying you and fails to address it, it’s called dereliction of duty. Or, you can call it neglect.

Whatever you call it, the teacher is clearly not doing their job and you should make note of it. Therefore, again, document this incident using the 5W method.

3. The teacher tries to humiliate you in class.

Again, here’s where documentation is useful. If nothing else, understand this.

Anytime a teacher or anyone in authority bullies you, it’s no time to be lazy. You must be proactive and how you do it is to keep a written record.

4. The teacher tells you that you’ll never amount to anything.

Therefore, document that! And most importantly, don’t you believe it for a second. See this remark for what it is and what it’s designed to do.

This teacher is trying to tear down your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself. Moreover, the bully teacher is trying to plant seeds in your mind in hopes that you’ll believe it and live up to it.

But, don’t you dare! Hang on to your confidence and know that this teacher is lying to you!

5. Bullying by teachers: Deliberately ignoring you or chewing you out when you have a question or need help with an assignment.

Again, document this. Also realize that the reason this teacher doesn’t want to answer your question is because she wants you to fail.

Therefore, find a friend or another adult who can answer your question. Or find a tutor to help you.

6. Calling or Labeling you “a student of low intelligence.”

Maybe the teacher tells you that you’re d*mb or that you’re st*pid. Maybe he calls you those names behind your back. Whatever the case, this teacher does this to make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t internalize this. Instead, see the evil intentions behind it and document it.

7. Yelling and screaming at you.

This is the bullying teacher’s way to intimidate you, silence you, or humiliate you in front of the class. Again, you must document this.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that, depending on the laws of your jurisdiction, you can wear a hidden camera and record these things. Just make sure you live in a state or jurisdiction that doesn’t require a two-party consent to record.

8. Bullying by teachers: Putting your parents or siblings down and making negative remarks about your home life.

This is also abuse. Therefore, document it in detail or record it if the laws in your area allow.

9. Publicly announcing a bad grade you may have made.

This is designed to humiliate you in front of an audience and cause you embarrassment. Again, document and, if you can, record!

10. Labeling you “a failure.”

Again, when a teacher tells you that you’re a failure, he wants to convince you of it to increase your chances of living up to it. Therefore, know that just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true.

Always remember that, and document their bullying.

11. Defaming you to other teachers and students.

The purpose of defamation is to turn others against you. Moreover, it’s a way to block you from making friends and being successful with potential partners.

Also, people use it to block you from opportunities, be they business, educational, career, or employment.

And lastly, people defame you to cut you off from any kind of help or support. Therefore, document everything- every instance of bullying, harassment, and defamation, no matter how slight.

By writing it down, you record it. In that, you establish a pattern of abuse and, therefore, evidence that is admissible in court!

12. Bullying by Teachers: encouraging the other classmates to bully you.

Bully teachers do this to inflict psychological pain and to turn others against you. You must understand that there are some pretty sadistic teachers out there. In other words, these teachers secretly enjoy making their target students suffer.

Moreover, they do it to isolate you and to convince you that you’re completely alone.

Therefore, document it and save it as evidence for a future lawsuit!

13. Putting you down for your beliefs, values, and convictions.

Nowadays, most people don’t like to agree to disagree like they did in the old days. Today, people seem to tolerate differences less and less.

Moreover, those differences include beliefs, values, convictions, and opinion.

Therefore, understand that you have a right to your own opinions and you’re NOT WRONG if your beliefs and values differ from anyone else’s.

I will repeat this a thousand times if I have to: document the bullying either on paper or by recording. Just know the laws in your area before using a recording device.

14. Bullying By Teachers: Giving you lower grades than what you deserve.

Bullying teachers do this to set you up for failure and to make you look bad.

This should be illegal. However, it’s not unheard of for bully teachers to give students they don’t like lower grades than the other classmates. And this happens regardless of whether the bad grade is warranted.

If you suspect that a teacher has committed this dishonest act against you, have another teacher you know and trust look over the assignment in which the bad grade was given.

If you and the good teacher find evidence that you’ve been given an undeserved bad grade, take pictures of the poorly graded paper and the checked correct answers. Then, document it.

15. Making excessively negative and brutal remarks on your papers, conduct reports, or report cards.

Again, this sets you up for failure and marks you as a bad student. Therefore, if you find these things on your progress and conduct reports, papers, and report cards, take pictures of it all with your phone. Then, document!

This post was all about the signs of bullying by teachers so that you can take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your future.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Noteable Tactics Gaslighters Use

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

I need you

When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

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When you need someone more than they need you, what do you do to break the spell that person has over you? Would you like to know? As someone who’s been caught in that trap, I’m giving you eight easy ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

when you need someone more than they need you

You may be a victim of bullying who’s rejected, lonely and desperate for friends. Or, maybe you’re a battered woman trapped in an abusive and controlling relationship. Nevertheless, anytime you need someone else more than they need you, it’s a trap that’s hard to pry yourself out of.

As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you effective ways to tip the scales of power in your favor when you need someone more than they need you.

You will learn easy and foolproof ways to escape the grip of a controlling person whether it’s a bully, fake friend, or abusive partner. You will then take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about these empowering methods, you will re-empower yourself and take back your personal power, independence, and your freedom. Then, you will be able to lead your life in the direction you wish and bravely assert your rights to be treated with dignity and respect.

This post is all about how to tip the balance of power when you need someone more than they need you. Also, it’s about becoming re-empowered to take your autonomy and your life back so that you can finally live happier and in peace.

When you need someone more than they need you.

So, what happens anytime you allow someone to put you in the position where you need them more than they need you?

You allow someone else to control you. In that, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

In other words, you put yourself at the other’s mercy.

Therefore, never allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner. The same goes if you’re a target of bullying. Never hang on to fake friends because you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends.

Moreover, never seek attention because you feel deprived of it. Why? Because, if you do any of these things, you make yourself a slave to others.

As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

What other people see when you need someone more than they need you

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who constantly makes themselves readily available. It’s the same for a person who always hangs around, and (gasp!) who chases after approval and human connection.

On the other hand, a person who makes themselves rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when bullies bully you. Also, I realize the level of heartache when fake friends throw you under the bus and turn on you. Therefore, my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. And you definitely don’t want to do it by giving these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them do it. Moreover, let them misunderstand you and look down their noses at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Every bully’s biggest desire is to see for themselves how their abuse affects you.

Nine times out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. In other words, they want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly.

And why not? It’s a dark part of human nature that people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working to tear you down. And most of all, they want confirmation that they have power over you.

Your bullies and abusers want absolute assurance that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Furthermore, they want you dependent on their say so.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. As a result, each of these women gave up her independence.

 Thus, she became totally dependent on him. Consequently thereafter, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

The end result when you need someone more than they need you:

My very abusive grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. Calling herself being the dutiful wife, she allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

Moreover, my granddad promised her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job.

Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off. Additionally, he sold the car behind her back! Right out from under her!

Therefore, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and tipped the balance of power in her favor.

A bully can be a domineering classmate, a supervisor, or an abusive spouse or parent.

My grandfather was also an abusive, domineering parent. He tried to control the life of his oldest daughter, my aunt.

For example, he tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old. Why? Because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb and within his reach.

However, she dared to defy him and get married anyway, with my grandmother’s permission. My aunt married Uncle Gene behind my grandfather’s back.

As a result, granddad showed up at the house my aunt and her new husband had rented and physically attacked her in her own driveway.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this story. It’s because there’s a point to it. And, the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing.

They want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets. In other words, they want complete control over their target’s lives.

Understand that this is all a form of coercive control.

When you need someone more than they need you, you leave yourself at that person’s mercy.

What do these bullies have to gain from ruling their targets with an iron fist? Power! Raw power! That’s what they have to gain.

Put simpler, bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Moreover, bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs. In that, they need their approval to provide for themselves and their families.

Also, it’s the same with bullies in government, better known as tyrants or despots. Tyrants want their constituents to think they need their permission to have freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so to have friends and a good social life. Moreover, they want the power to decide whether their victims have psychological and physical safety.

Understand that bullies are all about CONTROL and DOMINANCE. Nothing more!

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

What are the easy ways to tip the scales of power when you need someone more than they need you?

1. Do Not Comply.

In other words, if you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting. Moreover, if he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, take it with a grain of salt.

Continue to stand firm no matter how tough he makes life for you at home. Also, the same goes if you’re a student and he wants you to drop out of college. Keep going to class and do NOT drop out.

Understand that much of the power a bully holds depends on your compliance. Therefore, when you refuse to comply with bullies’ demands, you instantly snatch back your personal power.

2. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away.

Here’s another nugget of advice for abused partners. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

Abusive partners will take control of any money that comes into the household. Why? To keep you broke so that you’ll stay dependent on them.

Think about it! Communist and Socialist governments do the same thing to the people they govern. Dictators, Tyrants, and Despots take complete control of business and production and seize the food and money supply to ensure that the people obey their demands. Also, they do these things to keep the people dependent on government for their very survival.

Abusive and controlling partners and tyrannical governments (dictators, tyrants, and despots) are the same types of people. Bullies are bullies are bullies!

This brings me to number three.

3. When you need someone more than they need you: What If you’re under the rule of a bully official?

If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands, or even millions. Therefore, there is strength in numbers.

Find a way to use that against them.

4. What If you’re the target of bullying in the workplace by a bully boss or bully coworkers?

If this is the case, you should quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. Moreover, whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference.

Then, when you find another job, quit!

Understand that staying in a toxic workplace isn’t worth the risks to your mental health! Therefore, find a way out as soon as possible!

5. Make friends outside the bullying environment.

In other words, make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Your bullies and others at work or school may not value you. However, it doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

Chances are that it will be much easier for you to make new friends outside of the toxic place. Therefore, do this. However, when you do, know that there’s no need to tell your new friends about the bullying you suffer at work or school.

This is information nobody on the outside (besides your family) needs to know.

6. Take a self-defense class.

If you’re dealing with physical bullies, you may want to take a self-defense class. MMA training helps to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

However, it’s best not to use it until you advance a few levels and feel confident in what you’ve learned.

7. Keep your sense of self intact.

In other words, continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat and degrade you. Hold onto your self-belief.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. Know that you have a choice of whether to keep toxic people in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. They may mistreat you terribly, but they can’t take your mind if you don’t let them.

8. If all else fails, leave the toxic environment. Rent a new house or move to a new area, job, or school.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

In conclusion, never allow someone to put you in a position where you need them more than they need you. Find a way to re-balance those power scales!

This post was all about what to do when you need someone more than they need you so that you can take back your personal power.

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

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‘Want to know exactly how to go about beating bullies at their own game? Here are 9 proven and effective tactics every bullied victim must know.

beating bullies at their own game

When bullies target you, it can leave you overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. Why? Because it seems that they knock you down at every turn, then keep you down. However, there are easy ways of beating bullies at their own game. You just need to know how to do it and do it successfully.

As someone who’s experienced it and learned the art of beating bullies at their own game, I’m giving you the nine easy but effective ways to outfox and outmaneuver your bullies.

In this post, you will learn the nine most effective ways to win against your bullies and become virtually invincible to bullies.

Once you learn these so-easy-it-shouldn’t-work strategies, you will rise above your bullies and become your own hero.

This post is all about beating bullies at their own game and the techniques you should use to do it successfully.

Beating bullies at their own game

Let’s get right into it! Here are the nine easy strategies you can use to turn the tables on your bullies.

1. See your bullies’ behavior for what it is, know where it comes from and realize the intentions behind it.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. This is a weakness and you can use it as such if you know how.

Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors and if you’re a target of bullying, you’ve probably had people do the same to you on more than one occasion.

However, the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is, where it comes from, and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening.

Instead, it becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

Beating bullies at their own game means realizing that your bullies are miserable and pitiful souls.

Moreover, it must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol! Bullies must carry around all that baggage and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you.

All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later! All that effort to bring you down! And for what?

Attention? Is the meanness designed to intimidate those they find threatening?  Maybe the bullies want to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone. Or, they may think it makes them look big and tough.  They may think their behavior looks cute.

Nevertheless, the end goal is to feel better about themselves and more superior.

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. However, after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap.

Moreover, there comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did.

As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

2. Beating bullies at their own game: Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.

Watch the bullies continue the same worn-out behaviors, making arses of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. They may even use gaslighting to prompt you to get defensive.

Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. However, it store bores you to death because, again, you just don’t care.

Therefore, you no longer react to it. You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open.

Again, bullies don’t realize that, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, they eventually reduce their effectiveness and become a real yawn. Moreover, your bullies become so pathetic in your eyes that you can’t help but to shake your head in pity.

So, understand that here are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

3. Keep being yourself.

In other words, don’t let their childish behavior change you. Again, this takes re-framing your mindset to see their behavior as an indicator that there is something wrong with them and not you.

Therefore, relax, be yourself, and let the haters hate.

4. Beating bullies at their own game: Keep taking care of yourself.

Put simpler, keep doing the things fulfill you and creating the life you desire. Practicing self-care is of the most importance when people bully you.

Eat right, exercise, take care of your physical and mental health.

The key here is to create your own happiness and well-being.

5. Focus on and take care of the people you love and who love you.

Instead of focusing on the people who could care less about you and want to see you suffer, focus on the people who love you and who lift you up. Usually, these people are your closest family members and friends.

Moreover, realize that those who don’t see your worth shouldn’t live in your head rent free. So, promptly evict them because they aren’t worthy of one ounce of your energy.

Also, work to create happy moments with these people because they love you and want nothing but the very best for you. Attend family gatherings or host them. Take trips with these wonderful souls. Stay connected with your people.

6. Beating bullies at their own game: Pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Work on your goals and focus on the things you wish to accomplish. This is, by far, the best way to handle bullies. Why? Because when you keep your mind on your goals and dreams, you’ll have no time to think about your bullies.

And, if you don’t think about them, they can’t control you. Heck, they can’t even phase you. And that’s a win for you and a loss for them. Remember that bullies try to get your attention. This is the best way to avoid giving it to them.

7. Get out and enjoy nature.

In other words, go for a walk in the woods. Or, you can go to the park and read a good book on a beautiful fall day. Whatever you love to do outdoors, whether it’s lying on the beach or walking your dog on a walking trail, get outside and enjoy nature.

It’s the best way to recharge, relax, and unwind. Also, it drives away depression because it releases endorphins. Moreover, it gives you lots of vitamin D3 from the sun!

8. Learn new things.

In other words, read, write, and look for lessons life can teach you. The point is not to let yourself stagnate. If you’re not learning new things, you stagnate very easily and that only brings depression.

Therefore, always take the opportunity to learn new things. For example, you could take a course or go to the library and check out a good self-help book to read. Whatever way you choose to learn, always strive to acquire new knowledge.

Your mental health will thank you! I guarantee it!

9. Pay them no mind and keep doing you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

Moreover, once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up.

Therefore, realize that it’s about self. The key is to stop focusing outward and start focusing inward. In other words, work on yourself. Why? Because, as stated earlier, when you’re too busy working on yourself, your bullies become irrelevant very quickly. As they should.

Realize that the reason bullies act the way that they do is because they have no lives. Moreover, they have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they try to take control over yours. Bullies truly are the most miserable of humans on earth. And once you realize this proven fact, they will no longer be an issue.

This is how you beat bullies at their own game!

This post was all about beating bullies at their own game so that you can finally take back your peace and therefore, control over your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

discouraged

When Others Tell You You Can’t: 8 Reasons They Discourage You

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When others tell you, “You Can’t,” does it annoy you or does it cause you to believe in yourself a little less each time they say it?

Understand that there are reasons why people say this. ‘Wanna know what those reasons are?

when others tell you you can't

When you have people telling you that you can’t do, be or accomplish something, it can be a real morale-killer. Sadly, victims of bullying and abuse hear this reply a lot! If you’re one of these people like I was, you must know why they do it.

In this post, you will learn the reasons why others tell you, “you can’t.” You’ll also learn the exact motivations and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all these reasons, motivations, and intentions and the place the statement comes from, you will be better able to blow it off and do it anyway.

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t”

“When others tell you, “you can’t,” they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

– Cherie White –

There are reasons why people discourage you. Sometimes, it’s unintentional. However, more often, it’s purposeful. Here are the reasons why they say this and why you should let it go in one ear and out the other.

1. Jealousy

Many times, people abuse and mistreat you because they are more aware of your potential than you are. In other words, they are jealous of that potential.

Understand that these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your dreams and try their hardest to make you ashamed of them so that you’ll stop pursuing them.

They know that if they can convince you to stop pursuing those dreams and worse, stop believing in yourself, they just might steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

2. When others tell you, “you can’t,” It’s because your success would be a threat to their power

This is especially true with bullies and abusers. Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people just aren’t happy people. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

Therefore, if you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults and horrible names, they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

 Moreover, when people say that you will never amount to anything nor achieve anything, it’s because they want you to believe it. And, if you allow them to convince you that you’re nothing, you will unknowingly began to live up to it.

Therefore, you’ll only play right into their hands. You must never allow yourself to be taken in by these monsters. Hold on to your confidence no matter what! Refuse to believe their hogwash!

3. To tear down your confidence.

Some people are envious of your confidence and do everything possible to destroy it. Therefore, they constantly belittle you and put you down.

However, you must know why they do it. And that’s to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. Again, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Confidence alone is enough to threaten bullies.

4. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s Because they’re afraid you’ll show them up.

Moreover, they’re afraid that you’ll prove them all wrong and force them to back-peddle and eat every nasty word that came out of their mouths about you.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up. Even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

Why? Because when the perceived underdog makes a huge accomplishment, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the over-dogs. Moreover, he exposes them by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

In other words, when you become a winner, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do. You also remind them of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them their nude reflections. You reflect back to them the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

Therefore, it’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

This is exactly what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

5. At their core, they are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. Therefore, they put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. Your bullies and abusers must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

6. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s because They want to stay superior to you.

In other words, they don’t want you to be equal and they for damn sure can’t stand the thought of you being superior to them! Noooo!

7. To make you nervous

Why? Because they know that when a person is nervous, they’re likely to make mistakes.

Think about it. When you’re extremely nervous, you drop things and trip over stuff. Why?  Because the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. In other words, it makes you clumsy. The human stress response is a tricky little devil!

You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse. Moreover, you become fearful of screwing up and afraid to fail. You’re also afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely.

Also, you know that your mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.

For example, a bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.

And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when nerves take over.

Additionally, when your mind and body are in panic mode, your brain begins to rewire itself for a hostile environment. It does this after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment.

Therefore,  the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!

8. When Others Tell You, “You Can’t,” It’s only To Psychologically sabotage you

Realize that this is nothing more than a psychological operation that bullies employ to trick your mind into believing that you just might fail. Therefore, do not, no matter what, allow these people to manipulate you this way!

Why? Because they really will cause you to self-sabotage and fail if you do.

This is why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school. Also, it’s why victims of workplace bullying often have work projects that decline.

As a result, teachers and supervisors look at victims of bullying as failures and nuisances.

You may need to leave the toxic environment.

This is why you must get out of the bullying environment and away from those poisonous people if the bullying seems to get worse. Your life and your life chances depend on it.

And once you’re out of that toxic place, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!

Moreover, you’ll be astonished at how your grades in school skyrocket and your performance at work drastically improves!

Why? Because the nervousness will fade quickly. Therefore, you will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.

The relief will be so great! You will have the feeling of coming up for air after having your head held underwater. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start anew!

It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.

Also, because you’ll be a fresh face.  In most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.

Once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. I guarantee it!

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t” – In Summary:

If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, expect bullies and even people who aren’t bullies to discourage you. Moreover, If you happen to be a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.

See it for what it’s designed to do. And that is to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing.

Even bullies know that if you keep trying  long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.

Realize that bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior.

Moreover, understand that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.

Proverbially, any success you enjoy only takes your bullies down a notch or two.  This makes them angry. Therefore, they want to put you back in your place.

Therefore, when you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. No way will they allow you to upstage them.

When this happens, don’t feel bad but feel good about it. Why? Because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant. Look forward to when others tell you, “you can’t.”

Then let it go in one ear and out the other and keep working hard. Moreover, never apologize for any successes you’ve had.

This post is all about how to respond when others tell you, “you Can’t,” so that you can ignore the naysayers, save your self-esteem and keep striving to reach your goals!

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

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Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

people pleasing behavior

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

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 The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.

disadvantages of being a people pleaser

It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.

Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.

Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.

This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.

Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser

Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse,  do it.

As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.

 Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.

Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.

Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.

Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.

Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.

However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

Here are 7 consequences.

1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.

Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.

You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.

Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.

2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.

Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.

After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?

You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.

 3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.

Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.

Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!

4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.

Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.

If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.

Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.

 5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.

Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.

Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.

People Watch you all the time.

Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.

On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.

Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.

1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.

2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.

This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!

 6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.

I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.

There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.

7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.

In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.

However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.

Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.

They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.

This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

bullying and self confidence at school

Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

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Bullying and self confidence can exist when you’re being bullied. In other words, there are ways you can continue to be confident when you endure bullying.

‘Want to know how to do it? Here are 7 steps to keeping your confidence up when others continue to bully you.

bullying and self confidence

Bullies can crush your self confidence, that much is true. But only if you let them. As someone who has been there, I’m giving you the steps you need to preserve your self-esteem.

In this post you will learn ways to save your confidence when others bully you.

Once you learn about these steps, it will become easier to continue feeling good about yourself when others try to drag you down.

As a result, you will have the courage to stand up to bullies and make your own choices.

This post is all about bullying and self confidence. It also explains the tips that will help you stand strong against bullying and lead a happier and healthier life.

Bullying and Self Confidence

When you’re being bullied by everyone, holding onto your self-esteem can be challenging. And that’s putting it mildly. Moreover, after being bullied, it can sometimes take years to regain the confidence you lost.

However, there are things you can do to buffer your confidence and take the sting out of your bullies’ attacks.

7 Steps to Protect Your Self-Esteem

1. Watch and Listen.

You may not know it, but bullies have those who talk about them too. Believe me when I tell you. Bullies also have enemies, and lots of them. And why not?

Your tormentors have been walking over others for a long time. Therefore, you can bet that they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them. These are enemies who will be more than happy to dish out the tea about them. So, know that it isn’t wrong to get the information.

2. Know that you aren’t the only one these creeps have bullied.

Understand that seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you. Why do you think these people are so good at making you feel bad about yourself?

Moreover, how do you think they got so good at it? They certainly didn’t get that way by magic,  nor did it happen overnight. No.

Their successful bullying tactics came from many years of trial and error. As a result, they’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, there have been plenty of previous victims for them to practice on.

3. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Collect info on your bullies.

In other words, find out about their personal lives. Realize that your bullies have problems too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to make you miserable.

As I stated earlier, your bullies have enemies, and plenty of them. Find those enemies. Then, cozy up to them and finesse a little information out of them.

Listen closely as they tell you all the dirty details about them. You will be surprised at what you find out!

4. Befriend others whom your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a cinch!

Align yourself with these other victims. Bullies run in packs, so, why can’t victims?

Understand that there is strength in numbers. If you ban together, it’s a sure bet that your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Remember that bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you when you’re alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Keep company only with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself.

A good sign of a true friend is someone who uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. This person uplifts and encourages you. Moreover, they have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

However, victims of bullying often end up with fake friends who only tolerate them. As a result, these losers only find ways to humiliate them in public, then throw them under the bus when trouble comes for them.

This is because victims often become desperate for friends and companionship. Therefore, they latch onto the wrong people. Sadly, some of these targets would rather have sorry excuses for friends who treat them poorly than to have none at all.

In other words, they are under the false belief that anything is better than being by yourself. Having made that mistake myself, I’ve learned that it’s better to be alone.

Trust me when I tell you, anyone who belittles you even a little bit is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely. And, to an unsavory person, lonely means vulnerable and easy to use.

Therefore, these types only hang around to take advantage of you.

This is why you must remove these creeps from your life, and find better friends who respect you. Moreover, you must continue to keep company with those who genuinely like you and want to be with you.

Know that you deserve people who celebrate you, not those who only tolerate you.

6. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Show off your talents and gifts.

In other words, if you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! If you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

You’ll be surprised at how much it raises your self-esteem.

If you haven’t gotten up the courage to do these things yet, know that I understand because I’ve been there.

The bullying you suffer can increase such that you begin to fear showing anyone what you do well. You’re not only afraid that people will laugh at you, you’re also afraid that bullies will punish you for showing off.

However, understand that you have one shot and the time to take it is now. There are no do-overs. If you give in to fear and forgo doing what you’d really like to do, you’ll end up regretting it later.

Therefore, come out of your shell and take every opportunity to showcase your talents! Who knows where it might take you?

Also, you must take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well to take good care of your body. But don’t forget to take care of your mental health too. This is equally important!

7. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Do the things that fill your soul.

Whether you love to swim, hike or camp, find opportunities to do these things. The more happy moments you create for yourself, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will lesson the pain of bullying attacks. Why? Because you’ll know that you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life that counter anything your bullies try to tell you.

As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you’ll be able to respond to their drivel with an inner horselaugh and a middle finger.

Also, it will help tip the balance of adversity and success more in your favor. Many targets of bullying often have a ton of social failures and only a tiny few successes.

Therefore, if you do all these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

But, if you allow bullies to destroy your confidence, they’ll also destroy your life. It’s a fact!

If your confidence goes, so goes your performance, your social abilities, and everything else!

Think about it. Most bullied children and teens do not do well in school if others do not treat them fairly. In other words, kids in school need respect and for people to give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow.

It’s the same for adults in the workplace. If an employee endures workplace bullying, it won’t be long before their work performance declines.

Moreover, once job performance goes down, others will take notice. Even worse, bullies in the department will only weaponize it. How? By using it as confirmation that the targeted employee isn’t as smart as he appears.

Therefore, when a person is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, they eventually stop believing in themselves. As a result, their performance suffers.

Although we hear of bullied kids who compensate for their social failures by diving into schoolwork, and making exceptional grades, these kids are exceptions to the rule.

So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your self-esteem with your life. Why? Because your life truly does depend on it!

Bullying and Self Confidence:

Here’s are other ways you protect your self-esteem.

Be there for others who are suffering.

Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.

Find a therapist to talk to.

Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.

And, whatever you do, Don’t be silent about it!

Take these steps to raise your confidence levels and, before long, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you see yourself. I guarantee it!

This post was all about bullying and self confidence to help you take measures to improve your confidence levels and your life!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

The Risks of Saying No: 11 Reasons You Fear Saying No to People

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If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know exactly why you’re afraid to face the risks of saying no? You know the concept but would you know how to word it if you had to explain it?

the risks of saying no

When you’re a target of bullying, saying no is risky. Bullies use force to get what they want and they don’t take no for an answer. Here are the most common reasons why it’s so difficult to say no when you need to.

You will learn all the risks of saying no to bullies so that you can pick the answers that best suit you and your situation.

After you learn what these reasons are, you will better be able to face your fear of saying it. Even better, you will have the answers you need to conquer that fear.

This post is all about the risks of saying no and what you can do to conquer your fear of saying it when you must.

“No” is such a tiny word but has so much power behind it. It can be intimidating to say to someone and to get for an answer from them. T

Victims of bullying have an especially difficult time saying no to people. And why not? Others have bullied them into saying yes for so long that they’ve conditioned the targets to do it without thinking.

The Risks of Saying No

However, many people who have never been bullied also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?

There are many reasons:

1.Many people, especially victims of bullying, were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful. 

When we were children, adults often forced us to say yes. Abusive adults often conditioned us to go against own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment. It was “obey, or else.”

Many of us grew up during a time when we automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.

Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy the person may have been.

Sadly, these adults conditioned us this way during childhood and molded us into spineless, submissive adults. As a result, we continue to get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.

Moreover,  all our lives, people have duped us into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.”  Moreover, we have received the message that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Saying No to Ourselves by Saying Yes to Others

Consequently, we only learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite. What it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.

However, understand this right now. Saying no means setting boundaries.

If we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly. Therefore, we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.

2. Another Reason You Don’t Take the Risks of Saying No is Because You’re afraid of offending people.

Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that bullies, abusers, and other toxic people have an overinflated sense of entitlement. And they will become infuriated if you have the intestinal fortitude to tell them no.

Moreover, how they react could be downright scary! Look for these people to lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are.

Also, you will feel pangs of guilt because bullies will, more than likely, convince you that you’ve done something wrong.

However, don’t you believe it for a second! See the bullies’ behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.

You must realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled.

This is why they take being told “no” so personally. But! If nothing else, know this!

Any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.

Therefore, walk away from the idiot and have nothing more to do with them. They do not deserve the time of day from you.

3. You’re afraid of letting other people down.

This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt wants to let down another human being.

However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner to accommodate everyone else isn’t healthy at all.

So, begin putting your needs before theirs no matter the cost. If you take care of your needs first, then you can better take care of others’ needs later.

4. You don’t take the risks of saying no because you’re afraid of being thought of as selfish.

Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to want others to think of you as good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it.

This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.

Therefore, remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”

Nooo! What it does is make you look like a simp to other people.

5. One of the risks of saying no is that you take people out of their comfort zones.

And that is time you’d rather spend with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting.

There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.

Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems. And see it as you’ve taken them out of their comfort zones because they’ve grown used to hearing you say yes.

So, embrace it because these people are showing you exactly who they are and who you should eliminate from your life.

6. You want to help others because it’s rewarding.

This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards.

For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being.

When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!

The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming.

Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and gullible.

These are things we much watch out for.

Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).

7. You forgo the risks of saying no because You have low-self-esteem.

When you have a low self-image, you’re under the false assumption that your time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. You believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.

Therefore, you quickly say yes to others when you want to say no. You even give into those who give ridiculous demands.

Many times, you’ll bend over backwards to prove your value. But worth is something you don’t have to prove to anyone. Worth is something that’s either there or it isn’t.

In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults to prove it.

Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem.

In fact,  the more you say it, the higher your confidence will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else. Also, you’ll find out that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.

8. You want approval and to be liked by others.

Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies.

Also, it’s how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.

Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived.

Why? Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?

Therefore, realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type you want.

9. You feel that the risks of saying no Are too High. Therefore, You give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers.

Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people.

These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will even resort to screaming and yelling at you, calling you names like, ”selfish, greedy, mean, bitch, asshole, and other derogatory names to get you to comply.

Also, they’ll likely hurl insults, severely curse you out, ostracize you, give you the silent treatment, or try to humiliate you in front of others.

However, see these reactions for what they are, manipulation and retaliation. Put simply, they’ve lost control over you and they’re trying like the devil to get that back!

You must be ready for these people to use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid.

Because it’s worked for them before. Bullies and abusers hope that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you.

But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in! You must continue to stand your ground.

Realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily. Sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.

If Nothing Else, Remember This!

Bullies and abusers aren’t dummies. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you.

They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.

Therefore, never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!

As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior. So, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.

Also, once you learn this little nugget of truth, you will be less likely to feel ashamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.

10. The Risks of Saying No: You’re afraid of conflict.

One of the risks of saying no is conflict. It’s just how it goes sometimes.

Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives.

 This is why they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.

However, you must realize that conflict is a part of life and there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid it.  Also, there are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf.

In other words, conflict is something we all face at some point in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.

Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry when you can’t be available right that second, you’ll try to assuage them.

Finally, you will retract statements, change your mind and acquiesce. Don’t do that!

Never submit on the belief that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier). It won’t be easy. But continue standing your ground. Never allow the other person to cause you to cave in just because you’d rather avoid conflict.

11. Why You Should Face the Risks of Saying No: Because Saying yes to everything and everyone becomes a habit.

Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, the brain continues to develop more neural pathways for saying yes too much until you become wired to do it.

 Consequently, once you become hardwired to overdo the yeses, it becomes an automatic response. As a result, you’ll do it without even thinking about it.

Realize that for some, not saying no when they must is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.

Therefore, the 11 factors we just mentioned are either some or all of the roots of your apprehension. The best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it.

Put another way, if you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it. And once you get over the fear of saying no and begin asserting your rights, you will feel more empowered than you ever felt before. I promise you!

This post was all about the risks of saying no to help you pinpoint why you fear those risks so that you can know what changes you must make to take back your freedom and autonomy.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2 Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

threatening group

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

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‘Want to know the examples of non verbal bullying? Here are the most common examples you need to know about.

examples of non verbal bullying

Bullies know what they’re doing. They know that if they can intimidate you through nonverbal communication, they can do it quietly, without drawing attention to their behavior. Moreover, they know that their victims are more likely to stay silent because if they report it, others are likely to blow them of as sufferers of paranoia.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the examples of non verbal bullying,  how to recognize it, and what you can do to counter it.

Once you learn about all these gestures, you will then be able to use your own nonverbals to let your bullies know that you’re not one who’ll be threatened by them. As a result, they will likely leave you alone and go find an easier target.

This post is all about the examples of non verbal bullying, how to recognize them, and what you can do to counter them.

Examples of non verbal bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

Moreover, this type of bullying can occur either at school, in the workplace, or anywhere. Here are a few such subtleties.

So, How do Bullies Use Nonverbal communication to bully you?

1. They lean against your desk, office doorway, car, etc.

Understand that when people lean against an object, they are, in a sense, laying claim to that object. Therefore, when bullies learn against your desk, car, or any object that belongs to you, they are non verbally claiming it as theirs.

Also, they do it to intimidate you and dare you to say or do something about it. So, how do you deal with this?

You handle it simply by telling the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

And you must address this the very first time this occurs.

2. The bully will sit in your chair.

Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair. Also, it’s important that you speak out right then, the first time it happens. Otherwise, the bully will think they can do it again.

Therefore, never let someone get away with this even the first time.

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

The bully may also pick your purse or notebook off your desk, touch your property, etc.

I can’t stress this enough! You must realize that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Therefore, don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

The bully may also walk up to your table in the cafeteria or a restaurant, pluck a morsel of food from your plate and pop it in their mouth without even asking.

Realize that when a bully does this, they are challenging you. Their message is,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Moreover, female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into people’s homes without knocking.

During school or business trips, bullies may go through your luggage and steal money, articles of clothing, anything from you while you’re out of the room. Moreover, if you have multiple bullies, it’ll be difficult for you to confront the thief.

Although you may have a pretty good idea who stole your belongings, you’ll never be able to prove who took them!

Here’s another nugget of truth to think about. When bullies claim ownership of your space and property, it means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

They will violate your personal space.

Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is doing one or more of four things. He is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenge you, or he is trying to provoke a fight.

Therefore, do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

5. They give you threatening glares.

It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight. That stare makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck!

You know the one. It’s that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up when they do it?

Moreover, they look at you so intensely that you feel like you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm. They’re so still that they don’t move a muscle nor even blink!

Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a hot needle. Those eyes look as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

Granted, not all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes. Their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold!

Therefore, if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you. And don’t take your eyes off them until they stop looking at you.

Moreover, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

How You Respond to Non Verbal Bullying

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can intimidate you into leaving. Moreover, your bullies want to make you think you’re about to get hurt.

In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying at a party or get-together and suddenly see your bully locking eyes with you, know that this person is giving you the message that they intend to make your day a really bad one.

You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to them. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that they don’t scare you. You also tell the bully that you have no intentions of running.

Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Also, you can mirror the bully and reciprocate the body language. In doing this, you let the bully know that you’re willing to stand your ground.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

In conclusion:

Let’s summarize.

Bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you.

Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

3. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground