Blaming the Victim: Reasons Bullies Make You-Statements.

November 11, 2025October 31, 20254 Comments

‘Want to know how bullies go about blaming the victim? Here are all the signs to look for.

Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you!

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to recognize blaming the victim so that you can adequately respond when your bullies try to blame you for their atrocious behavior.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will be a pro at recognizing victim-blaming when you see it.

This post is all about blaming the victim so that you can avoid taking blame for behavior that isn’t your fault.

Blaming the Victim

“You made me mad!” “You made me hit you!” The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling.

They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about you. Why? Because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation and blame.

Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.

“You lie all the time!”
“You always bitch and complain about everything!”
“You’re (clueless, ugly, mentally imbalanced, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”
“You can’t leave well enough alone!”
“You’re a chicken!”
“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”
“You’ll never amount to anything!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“You’re always trying to start something!”
“You always blow everything out of proportion!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
“You always have to screw everything up!”

And the list is endless.

Blaming the Victim:

Bullies will always point the finger at you. Expect it.

Know that these you-statements are designed to blame you for their shameless behavior. Also, bullies blame you to tear you down and keep you there.

Bullies make these you-statements to strip you of your rights to defend yourself. They do it to take away your personal power.

Therefore, you must counter those accusations and turn them back on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No, I’m not, YOU are!” or “No, I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.

The bully might argue back, but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away, leaving the bully standing there, running their mouth. In that, you make them look both desperate and foolish.

“You Made me” and “You Make Me” Statements

Survivors, when you were bullied, did your bully ever justify their horrific treatment? Did they make statements such as, “You ‘made me’ do it!”?

I’ll bet that you have. Bullies often make the following statements to justify their behavior and intimidate you into staying silent.

“You ‘made me’ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make’ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me’ mad!”
“You make me hate you!”

These are all statements bullies use to gaslight you. They want to brainwash you into believing that their behavior is your fault.

They need you to believe that you somehow provoke them to act the way they do. That you made them lash out.

Blaming the Victim:

Personal Experience

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard these kinds of accusations from my classmates. And I must admit, it was very hurtful and intimidating.

However, I look back now and realize this was only my bullies’ way of shifting the blame onto me. Why?

Because they were so afraid that I would call them out on their terrible behavior. And they were scared that others would see them for the creeps they truly were. They also wanted to maintain the upper hand.

The keywords in these sentences are either “you,” “made,” or “make,” and they are very telling if you really stop and think about it.

There are many reasons bullies resort to blaming the victim.

Blaming the Victim:

Organized Physical Attacks.

Organized physical attacks may also be used in school to blame you for their abuse. What do I mean? Here it is.

They may stage fights with you and other people. This is designed to bait you. For instance, they may go to the others and tell them that you said something bad about them. And you probably didn’t. In fact, you probably don’t know the person.

Nevertheless, you have people you don’t know confronting you and threatening physical harm. And, sooner or later, one of them attacks you. Then, a week later, another person physically assaults you.

A month later, another person jumps you. And these attacks repeat themselves until people begin looking at you with suspicion. Why? Because the fights always seem to involve you.

Others can’t help but think, “Why would so many people want to junk Jackie is she isn’t provoking them somehow?”

But! If nothing else, understand this right now! That’s the idea! If you are in this kind of predicament, this is precisely what your bullies were counting on! It was the plan all along!

But why? What do your bullies hope to gain from this?

1. To Destroy your credibility

If they can get different individuals at different times to physically attack you, they can cast suspicion on you. Moreover, they can turn even your friends against you. If you’re the one who’s always fighting, you look like the violent one.

This happens regularly to targets in schools, workplaces, and communities. Many times, this is how bullies retaliate against victims who have the gall to stand up to them.

Bullies hate it when you begin refusing to take their abuse.

2. Blaming the Victim:

To protect one another

Bullies run in packs, and they usually single out only one person. There is strength in numbers. Therefore, they do it to protect one another from being labeled and getting a bad reputation. Also, they blame you to stay out of trouble.

Most who have been in school have at least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal. However, too many fights, provoked or unprovoked, risk labeling victims as “troublemakers.”

3. to destroy your reputation with those in authority.

Destroying your name with the staff lessens any chances of anyone listening to you if you report the bullying. Bullies can’t risk you running and “snitching” on them.

Therefore, this protects them from discipline at school or work. Moreover, it allows them the freedom to do whatever they want to you whenever they feel like it.

So, they also use this tactic to silence you and make you afraid to report the bullying.

If you are a victim of bullying, expect those kinds of tactics. But understand that these are classic methods bullies use to shift the blame your way.

It also prevents them from losing power over you. If they can bully you freely, without the possibility of facing consequences, then you’re completely powerless.

4. Blaming the Victim:

To shift everyone’s focus from their actions to your reactions.

This is also a classic bully move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.

And they do this to make you ashamed of defending yourself. Moreover, they want you to doubt your own judgment.

Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth.

5. Trivializing Your pain.

“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?

Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain. Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!

Again, don’t let them gaslight you!

6. Blaming the Victim:

Suggesting that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. It’s just another way to say that you made them do it.

They’ll make statements, such as,

“You had it coming for a long time and you finally got it!”
“You asked for it.”
“You were cruisin’ for a bruisin’”

All you-statements. However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to justify their abuse.

Think about this. If they can make you look like you asked for it, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like innocent victims who were only reacting to something you did.

7. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.

This is usually done by witnesses and authority members who side with bullies. For example, you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

8. Blaming the Victim:

Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put it off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it.

And there’s always a way to bust the bullies who try to shift blame onto you this way:

Counter the bully’s “you made me ” statement and say this: “No! I didn’t make you do a damn thing! You did that all on your own!”

Say it point-blank and with conviction. If possible, say it in front of an audience. Call the bully out, and more than likely, you’ll protect your good name from being further tarnished.

This post was all about blaming the victim and the different tactics so that you will know what to expect and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

Bullies and Victim-Mentality: 9 Behaviors of Bullies Who Play Victim

June 23, 2025September 16, 20256 Comments

‘Want to know about bullies and victim-mentality? Here’s everything you need to know.

Bullies don’t mind dishing the nastiness out to their victims. However, when the victims start giving it back to them, they’ll play the victim-role real quickly.

In fact, they’re the biggest cry-babies in the world!

Therefore, in this post you will learn all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can keep from being blamed for their attacks.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be able to confidently call them out when you defend yourself against your bullies and they try to act like they’re the victims.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize the behavior and call it out. Also, you can protect yourself from getting blamed for your bullies’ ratchet behavior.

Bullies and Victim-Mentality

Bullies have a grandiose sense of entitlement. Why? Because they’re so quick to attack you without provocation. However, you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, it not only surprises them, it also offends them.

Therefore, they’ll assume the victim role.

Here are 9 behaviors of bullies who play victim.

1. They Dissolve into a puddle of tears.

If a bully thinks they’re about to get into trouble over their bad behavior, they’ll quickly turn on the water works. They’ll cry those crocodile tears and play the victim.

Unfortunately, they’ll do it so convincingly that others will fall for their bullshit. Therefore, be prepared and don’t take the blame for their bad behavior.

Call out those fake tears. And do it loudly and with confidence. Why? Because they’re nothing but a bunch of cry-bullies.

2. They Get Outraged at you for standing up to them.

Understand that bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do and you have no right to stop them. In fact, they believe you don’t have a right to even speak against it.

They think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

You’re bullies think they have a right to mistreat you and you’re just supposed to bow down and take their crap. You’re just supposed to let them harm you and take it with a smile.

Why? Because, in their minds, you’re inferior. So, you should just shut your mouth and take it. They may not come out and say it. However, this is how these chumps think.

3. Bullies and victim-mentality:

They’ll gripe, whine, and complain when things don’t go their way.

For instance, if you hold them accountable for anything, your bullies will bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler. If you stand up to them, they may run to a teacher or boss-man and cry like a little bitch.

They might throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Also, they may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself. Understand that cry-bullies must always get their way. This is why they get furious with and throw a fit with you.

Then, they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

4. They’ll shout you down when call them out on their bad behavior.

To them, their words and opinions are golden. Therefore, if you happen to speak against them, your bullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first.

But, if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim you started it.

5. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They want everything handed to them.

Cry-bullies are entitled to have whatever they want when they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Moreover, they don’t like to wait for it either.

These types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right then. And they’ll never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that your bullies do this to wear you down. However, don’t give them the satisfaction. Double down and resist, no matter what! Stand firm, if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

6. They hate it when someone else has life better than they do.

When your bullies see you doing better than them, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will try to get back at you for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see your successes as injustice.

7. They Shift the blame to you.

This point takes me back to how the bully tries to make you look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that garbage.

Therefore, when you think of a cry-bully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice and try to calm them down. If you do, they’ll only keep manipulating you.

8. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

Many Bullies Cop Out Behind Victimization.

Too many people use past trauma as justification for wrongdoing. They feel that because they suffered, life owes them somehow.

I have seen people mistreat others merely because of the bullying they suffered in the past. But, why do they do this? It’s because they think that it’s the only way they can feel empowered again.

Sadly, I was guilty of the same thing in high school. It isn’t something I’m proud of today.

For example, some may choose to rob a bank or burn down a corporate building because they grew up poor. Because they didn’t get a fair shake in life, they think that it justifies their crimes.

In their minds, the world owes them. Therefore, they have a good excuse for striking back against a system they believe screwed them over.

And, when the law finally catches them and hauls them off to jail, they become even more embittered. Why? Because they believe that being held responsible for their crimes only further evidences that they aren’t getting a fair shake.

We’re all responsible for our actions regardless of what happened to us in the past.

Evil behavior always brings consequences. You reap what you sow.

Your feelings are valid but your actions aren’t. Past victimization does not justify wrongdoing. Ever! A reason does not equal an excuse. We’re all responsible for our lives, whether you like it or not.

I could have gone on bullying others because people bullied me in the past. But where would it have gotten me? Nowhere! That behavior would have only brought consequences and more misery.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn from adversity and take accountability for your life? Therefore, it’s up to you to try to make your life better than it was in the past.

9. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They live in the past.

Now, reminiscing isn’t a bad thing. To look back on yesterday, when life was much simpler, makes you feel good. Happy memories always make you feel better.

However, when you constantly ruminate on the bad stuff that happened to you, that’s when it becomes a problem.

You hold grudges. And you long to someday get back at the person who hurt you. This isn’t good for anyone. It only eats you out from the inside.

Bullies are notorious for holding grudges.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying hold on to grudges. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wishing they had knocked the hell out of the bully. They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret.

Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand. However, when this goes on for too many years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Therefore, don’t trap yourself in an endless cycle of what-ifs. Why? Because, when you do, you only keep yourself stuck in a quagmire of misery.

Also, you forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from those experiences.

So, let it go. Accept what happened and learn from it. Let it make you better instead of bitter!Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

In Closing

Nothing makes you sicker than seeing some punk bully start something they can’t finish. And there’s nothing more pathetic than a bully who pushes someone too far, than cries like a schoolyard sissy when they get their ass kicked up between their shoulders.

But sadly, this is how most of them get away with bullying.

Therefore, if you’re a bully, do yourself a favor. Don’t mess with someone and expect not to get some in return. Don’t be a cry-bully.

And, if you’re a victim, stand up for yourself even if your bully tries to put on the innocent little victim act. Continue to hold your boundaries.

Don’t fall for the crocodile tears or the selective outrage. Call that shit out! And stand strong. Realize that victim-mentality is only a farce, designed to keep your bullies’ asses out of trouble.

And lastly, and most importantly, refuse to see yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target. Why? Because there’s a difference between a target of bullying and a victim of bullying.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize it when you see it and be prepared for it when you stand up to your bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

4. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

Being a Scapegoat: 5 Powerful Ways to Put a Stop to It

April 19, 2024May 26, 20253 Comments

Do you want to know the absolute best ways to stop being a scapegoat? Here are the best defenses you must know about.

Scapegoating is the most harmful and alienating experience a person can endure. If you’re being scapegoated like I was, chances are that you’re wondering what to do to put a stop to it. As someone who has been there and overcome, I’m giving you the most powerful ways to stop being a scapegoat that worked for me and others I know.

You are going to learn about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat and, ultimately, take back your life.

After learning about all these smart strategies, you are going to finally take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the 5 best ways to stop being a scapegoat that every victim should know.

Best Strategies to stop being a scapegoat

1. Learn what scapegoating is and how to recognize it when you see it.

The first step of defense is knowledge. In other words, to stop being a scapegoat, you must know what scapegoating is and be able to spot it when those around you are trying to make you one.

So, what is scapegoating and who are scapegoats?

According to Cambridge Dictionary, scapegoating is the act of blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or that someone else has done. In other words, the scapegoat is made to bare the burden of someone else’s wrongs and is punished in the guilty person’s place.

Scapegoating also happens when others take all their anger, frustrations, hurts, and other issues out on you. In essence, they’re punishing you for the crappy hand life is dealing them whether or not you caused it.

Projecting or projection is another term for this type of scapegoating.

Here’s an example of scapegoating:

A football team loses the big game. Afterwards, they blame the bench warmer for the loss, even though it was the quarterback who failed to tackle the opposing player before he got to the goal line, or, maybe another teammate fumbled the ball, which cost them the game.

I’m not real football savvy here, but you get the point.

Scapegoats and scapegoating go all the way back to the Bible days. During the Old Testament, people gave burnt offerings of lambs to cleanse themselves of sin.

During the Medieval Period, being a scapegoat would put a target’s life in mortal danger. Kings used scapegoats to cover their own mistakes and wrongdoings. They would do this by forcing the scapegoats to take the blame for the kings’ screw-up and put them to death.

Executing the scapegoats serve two purposes. It kept them quiet and ensured that the kings continue to smell like roses.

People, especially bullies, do the same today, only in different ways. Also, the scapegoat is always the person who is totally innocent and one who has the least power to fight back.

2. Set boundaries.

Being a scapegoat comes with being bullied. If you set boundaries, however, people are least likely to bully you. Therefore, there’s also less chance of you being a scapegoat.

Setting boundaries is a must, though not always easy, especially if you’re a victim of bullying. However, you must continue to have boundaries, otherwise, others will only ride roughshod over you.

“What is setting boundaries?” you might ask.

It’s clearly communicating to others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries.

It takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something a few bullying targets have. Moreover, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. Therefore, you may need to prepare yourself to fight to protect your boundaries.

But, I want you to know this. Having boundaries is not wrong nor is it selfish. Neither is expressing the freedom to be yourself and asserting your right not to be violated

If you have no boundaries, you get no respect.

However, any time you don’t set boundaries, you give up your rights to be treated with dignity and respect. You end up looking like a simp.

People will only take advantage of you and, over time, they will get comfortable with doing so. Even worse, you will come to be known as the poor sucker that everyone can crap on and attract more of the same from total strangers.

In that, you make yourself susceptible to being a scapegoat and target of bullying.

Being overly friendly, overly accommodating, and too available does not win respect. It will only does the opposite because people will take your kindness for weakness. In short, you hand over your personal power.

Whereas, when you do set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. In doing this, you take your personal power back.

when you set boundaries, you take back your personal power

Again, setting boundaries won’t be easy. In fact, it will probably make some people angry. However, understand that if people become angry at you for having personal boundaries, it’s because they’re afraid they’ll no longer be getting the benefits they’ve enjoyed… benefits they’ve been getting at your expense!

Moreover, you not only set boundaries but you also need to enforce them!

You must have the courage to keep setting those limits no matter how others feel or how they react. If your boundaries offend people, tough cookies.

Stick to your guns. Keep fighting for your right to be treated with respect. Show them that you will stand up to them no matter what they do, and eventually, they’ll get tired and realize that you aren’t worth the effort. They’ll go find an easier target.

So, always set boundaries and be prepared to fight to protect them.

3. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you must refuse to engage with the people who scapegoat you.

In other words, if others blame you for things that happen that are beyond your control, it’s time to walk away for good.

If they try to blame you for something they or someone else is guilty of, refuse to accept blame and tell them to take a walk. Then never speak to them again.

Also, if people are constantly projecting their own wrongdoings and shortcomings onto you, don’t associate with them any longer. They’re a waste of your time.

Realize that you are not a dumping ground for all their baggage. So, have nothing more to do with them. Give them the old heave-ho because they do not deserve a place in your life.

This may be difficult to do, especially if the people who scapegoat you happen to be members of your family. However, if you want to stop this abuse, sometimes, it means making a few heartbreaking decisions.

4. If you want to stop being a scapegoat, you’ve got to Rock it!

Grey-rock it, that is!

Grey rocking a bully means showing no emotion toward their behavior and only giving short, one-word answers to them. It also means to keep minimal contact with them. In other words, you wait long periods of time between seeing them and wait a long time before answering their texts.

In short, it means acting like you just don’t care what they say and having a little interacting with them as humanly possible.

Although this can be easier said than done, and the bully may or may not lose interest and go away right then, it’s a good tactic if your goal is to stop being a scapegoat.

You may have to repeat it again and again before your bullies will get the message, but, if nothing else, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you finally took back your coconuts and stood up to the creeps.

5. Practice Self-Care and Compassion.

How you do this is to practice making affirmations to yourself every day. Say to yourself, “I am not the guilty party,” or “I will not be a victim of their blame game,” “I am a good person regardless of how they treat me,” or “I am perfectly fine without them.

Also, establish a support network. Choose genuine people as friends and keep company only with those who lift you up. Dress however makes you feel good. Treat yourself to a pampering session at a nice spa or a new hairdo or hair cut.

Do the things that you love doing and that make you feel alive. Work on your hobbies and pursue your goals and dreams. The trick here is to work on you and to give yourself the love and care that others aren’t giving you. Self-care is great because it can help counteract the negativity your bullies throw at you.

This post was all about how to stop being a scapegoat, giving you steps to help you assert your right not to be blamed for other peoples’ behavior or mistakes, and take back your personal power.

A related post you will enjoy:

1. Reasons Why People Bully- 7 Most Common Motives

2. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

3. What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

4. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

5. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies