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betrayal

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Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

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‘Want to know why enemies are better than frenemies? Here are the reasons that a fake friend is worse than an enemy.

enemies are better than frenemies

With clear-cut enemies, you know exactly where you stand. Therefore, you know to avoid them. Not so with frenemies. These people can put on a perfect act and fool you into thinking that they’re for you when they really aren’t.

In this post, you will learn why enemies are better than frenemies. Also, you will learn the signs of a frenemy so that you can spot them and protect yourself against them.

Once you learn all this pertinent information, you will be able to spot fake friends and avoid them before they have a chance to do real damage.

This post is all about frenemies so that you can spot them and protect yourself from being harmed by them.

Enemies are better than frenemies

Every single one of us has had that one “friend” or that handful of “friends,” if that’s what you prefer to call them. They seem to really like you and want to be around you all the time.

Moreover, they cozy up to you very quickly (too quickly) because you seemingly mesmerize them. They bombard you with attention and lay the flattery on super-thick.

They’ll butter you up with compliments, smile at you, and pat you on the back. These people make you feel so good about yourself.

In short, they’ll attach themselves to you like a barnacle, wanting so badly to be a part of your life.

Therefore, if you’re being bullied and are feeling insecure, this can be such a welcome change!

You’re bullied, lonely, rejected, and this seems to be just the thing you’ve been waiting for. It gives you that much-needed shot of dopamine you’ve been craving for so long!

You begin to feel great about yourself and think that maybe, the bullying might be coming to an end. However, you notice subtle signs in these so-called friends that don’t feel so good.

Occasionally, you may notice those split-second flashes of disdain on their faces. You may see out of the corner of your eye, a sneer here, an evil, piercing glance there.

Although your gut begins to sound off, telling you that something is off, you only think.

“Oh, well, maybe they’re having a rough day.”
“Maybe someone made them angry before they came to visit.”
“Maybe they’re just in a bad mood.”

Enemies are better than frenemies:

1. you’ll only choose people who don’t deserve to be in your life.

Wanting to believe the very best of the person(s), you mentally explain away the signs that tell you that something just isn’t right. Then, when it happens again, you begin to ask yourself,

“Was it something I said or something I did accidentally to offend this person?”

Next, your new buddy or buddies seem cold toward you. They begin to alternate hot and cold. As a result, they leave you bewildered as to the causation.

All the while your sixth sense is telling you to put some distance yourself and these people and to do it fast! However, you don’t because this person is supposed to be a friend.

You love them and don’t want to seem like a heel or that you don’t appreciate their friendship. Also, the bullies have suddenly disappeared, and you want to keep it that way.

You dread the possibility of going back to square one. Eating your lunch alone and walking alone in the halls are unthinkable. Moreover, having bullies target you again, is definitely something you dread going back to.

Therefore, you continue to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Why? Because, deep down, you don’t think that you can find better people to be pals with.

You’ve been bullied and shamed for so long. Moreover, you have actually forgotten what a true friend is and what it’s like to have one.

When you finally work up the nerve to ask them about their behavior, they either lie about it, downplay it. They may tell you that you’re imagining things or being too sensitive.

Enemies are better than frenemies:

2. You’ll only make yourself a bigger target by tolerating disrespect.

However, as time goes by, those tiny micro-expressions become more noticeable.  Also, the split-second glares, and subtle, back-handed compliments and coldness become more frequent!

Now, your Spidey-senses are screaming! These people are now giving you the silent treatment, and you don’t know why.

Suddenly, BAM! It happens! They lash out at you for reasons that are so trivial, or worse, reasons which seem to be made up! Moreover, you know you should tell them to take a hike, but you only blame yourself.

You may even give misplaced apologies. As a result, you look even more pathetic to bystanders and witnesses! Even worse, now, you look like an even bigger target to bullies!

Remember. The gradual but growing hot/cold, waxing and waning in their behavior only snowballs. Moreover, it does so until it turn into a terrible lashing of venom that leaves you both shocked and hurt.

3. fake friends will use the push/Pull method to keep you coming back for more.

Understand that we call this hot/cold, nice/nasty cycle “The Push/Pull Method.”

This push and pull technique is exactly how it sounds. The frenemy pulls you in, pushes you away, then pulls you in again.

This back and forth cycle is specifically designed to hook you into the friendship and throw you off your game! Therefore, you must realize that the person was more than likely never your friend!

4. Enemies are Better Than Frenemies:

They will make you the object of their jealousy.

You may ask yourself why? Moreover, you’ll wonder:

“If this person was never my friend and never liked me to begin with, why then did they exert such much effort to get close to me?”

“Why did this person latch on to me in the first place?”

The reason is that your frenemies were intensely jealous of you. They may have coveted something you possessed and wanted a way to punish you for having it.

Moreover, they may have coveted your confidence and wanted to bring you down a few notches. They were itching to put you in your place… to cut you down to size!

Therefore, rather than a direct, frontal assault, they preferred to out-flank you by carefully cozying up to you. Why? To trick you into dropping your defenses and handing over your trust!

5. they’ll hang around you only to get an ego-boost.

Another reason could be that the frenemy somehow gets an ego-boost from being “friends” with you and the thought of being seen with you!

Understand that this closeness is a way to hook you into the friendship. Why? So that they can gather intimate, personal details about your life and personality.

Then, they can suss out any weaknesses or less-than-desirable qualities you have. Fake-friends are like police detectives who attempt to build a case against you.

And once they gather the intel they need, they exploit this information. Moreover, they’ll use it as a weapon to harm you. They may use it to ruin your reputation and sabotage your personal relationships and associations.

Consequently, when you finally put your foot down and end the friendship, they’ll paint you as the mean, mentally-unbalanced person.  Therefore, they’ll trumpet any dirt collected on you to anyone who will listen to them.

I want you to understand that this is how frenemies operate. People such as these are very sneaky, meticulous, and worst of all, patient!

In Conclusion:

Let’s do a recap of the points we’ve just discussed.

It is much better to have full-blown enemies than frenemies because, with an enemy, you always know where you stand.

 Therefore, you can more easily avoid contact. On the other hand, frenemies (or fake friends) have ways of reeling you in and keeping you dependent on their approval and acceptance.

Moreover, if you are a victim of bullying, the relationship is much harder to get out of because you’ll fear going back to being friendless.

But wouldn’t you rather be to yourself than to keep company with people who only wish to bring you down? I know I would!

Remember that a smiling face does not a friend make. Not everyone who pats you on the back has your best interests at heart.

There are red flags you can look for.

Red Flag 1.

Excessive speed in friendship progression. Therefore, any time someone is so quick to call you a friend, be alert!

Red Flag 2.

Alternating hot and cold (flip-flopping). When someone runs hot and cold toward you, it’s a bad sign.

Red Flag 3.

Micro-flashes of contempt and hostility in their body language.

In these scenarios, the best you can do is to step back and maintain plenty of distance between you and the person in question. Only then is it possible to observe them and figure out their true motivations and intentions!

Do what you must to protect yourself.

This post was all about why enemies are better than frenemies and what you can do to protect yourself from people who pose as friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

5. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

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Do you want to know why fake friends stick around even though they can’t stand you? You’ve probably wondered that if they despise you so much, why they don’t just go away and have nothing more to do with you. Here are several motives that keep them coming.

why fake friends stick around

Fake friends secretly either don’t like you. They may even hate you and wish you nothing but harm and bad fortune. Yet, they continue hang around like a bad odor.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why they do this. As someone who’s been there and discovered the answers, I’m giving you all the must-know reasons to relieve you of any confusion you might have.

In this post, you will learn why fake friends stick around. You will get these answers in detail so that you can understand more clearly and take steps to protect yourself.

Once you learn about all their motives and intentions, you will then have the courage to stand up to these imposters and send them packing once and for all. Moreover, you will take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the reasons why fake friends stick around. The purpose of this post is to give you the courage to ditch these imposters and take back your peace.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

Everyone has fake friends. These are the people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. Moreover, this individuals desire to be in our circle and get close to us. But why?

If they hate us so much, why would they continue to hang around? Why do they seem to want to stay right under us all the time? It’s like these people want to literally attach themselves to us and never let go! Yikes!

These are the people who slither their way into our lives only to end up betraying us later.

Here are the reasons why fake friends stick around:

1. To watch you closely.

You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy. Therefore, they do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends.

Therefore, fake friends stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine. Why? So they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

For example, undercover cops infiltrate drug rings so that they bust them and take them down later. Fake friends are no different.

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, you know that the most fundamental rule is to “Know your enemy.”

2. To win your trust.

They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets.

Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes. Also, you’ll and show your less than desirable emotions around them.  And why not? If the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

In other words, this person will watch the target closely, then establish good rapport with them. Then develop a close friendship with them to lower any apprehension the person might have had in the initial stages.

On the other hand, if the person is a fake friend, you unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: To watch you fail.

Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something.

They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

However, if you ever succeed at something, especially if it’s something big, you will see their true colors come shining through.

For example, if you accomplish something huge, like making the NYT Bestseller list or winning the lottery, watch the masks fall off. These posers will suddenly give you the cold shoulder. They may even lash out at you, accusing you of thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Also, they might accuse you of having connections who helped you reach success, or worse! Cheating your way to victory!

It will hurt, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll know exactly who these people are and you’ll know what to do with this trash.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams.

Why? Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends.

That’s what hurts the most and can be devastating.

Drag Race No GIF by Robert E Blackmon - Find & Share on GIPHY

Moreover, what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust.

You not only feel violated, you feel like a complete idiot for allowing the person into your life, to begin with. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Feeling that you, in a sense, allowed it to happen.

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around is To feel superior.

Think about it. By continuing to put up with fake friends, you’ve lowered your standards and they know it.

Understand that, in a fake friendship, the entire friend relationship is based on conditions. Also, these types of friendships are one-sided. It’s about what you can do for them.

Therefore, they’re getting all the benefits of the friendship and you’re getting zero! To continue clinging to this type of friendship suggests to the other person that you’re inferior.

Also, it means that you’re so desperate for friends that you’ll willing to eat shit just to keep from being alone.

And you’ve got to admit. It’s pathetic! Therefore, stop doing things that are beneath you and holding on to friendships that aren’t good for you.

Know that you’re better than that. And you deserve much better!

Again, remember that for them to be superior requires you to be inferior.

6. You convenience them somehow.

Many fake friends continue to hang around because of the conveniences you bring to the friendship. For example, you let your friend girl barrow your favorite sweater only for her not to return it.

Another example would be that you help them move their things when they get kicked out of their apartment for failure to pay rent. However, when you have to move because of a bad break-up or divorce, they never show up.

However, once you figure this person out, it’s GAME OVER!

Now’s the time to cut off any benefits this creep may have gotten from you and end the friendship right then and there.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself.

When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away the fakers. These are people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because they would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them.

Why? Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt.  Also, it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you. Even worse, even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit.

Therefore, it’s better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

2. Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, than ever! Most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want and let people see the real, authentic you. If people around you don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind, that’s your clue to ditch and switch!

It’s true that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days.

Therefore, when people resort to ad hominem attacks when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the fakes and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life! In cases like this, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds!

Always remember that!

This post was all about the reasons why fake friends stick around to embolden you to ditch them, raise your standards, and choose people who are real friends.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

A New Perspective on Betrayal

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Targets of Bullying are most susceptible to betrayal by those who masquerade as friends. The reason for this is that they long for friendship so much so that they attract abusers and users who will only exploit this longing to achieve their own ends. However, at different times in our lives, we’ve all experienced betrayal. Someone we thought was a friend did the unthinkable. And, when it happens, it’s like being kicked in the stomach.

It hurts much worse when you’re screwed over by a friend because you trusted this person. You may have even loved them. This is something you expect from an enemy, but never a friend. Therefore, when an enemy strikes against us, it’s much easier to deal with. However, when it’s someone we trusted and thought highly of, the pain is much worse. In fact, it can be devastating.

Therefore, once you’ve been betrayed, it can be hard to trust anyone else who comes into our lives, even those who may be sincere. When we meet new people thereafter, we proceed with caution and regard others with suspicion. This isn’t good either.

Why? Because, when we allow a past betrayal to cause us not to trust, we only push away those who may be sincere. We, in essence, give the creep who betrayed us power over our future relationships.

Sadly, I went through a phase during my twenties when I too was suspicious of everyone. I thought they all had ulterior motives and kept them at arm’s length. I let the fear of being hurt cause me to push others away and as a result, my relationships suffered.

Don’t Give The Person Who Betrayed You Power over Future Relationships

However, I’ve since realized that, with each person we meet and each new friend we make comes a degree of risk. Everything comes with a certain amount of risk and here’s no getting around it. And you either take the risk or you end up miserable and lonely.

Everything we do comes with risk, whether it’s going for a walk or driving to the supermarket. But you wouldn’t stop driving because of the chance of having an automobile accident. So, why would you refuse to meet and make friends because of the chance of being betrayed?

Again, life’s full of risks and you can’t allow fear to stop you from living. You must live life and you must live it to the fullest!

With Every New Person You Meet Comes a Degree of Risk

Therefore, I refuse to allow some lowlife from my past to cause distrust in humanity. Hell, no! I believe in giving the new people I meet a chance and not making them pay a debt they don’t owe. If they blow that chance, then that’s on them, and they would only reveal their true colors.

In closing, you must know that anytime you’re betrayed, the best you can do is to drop the person and move on to someone who’s deserving of your time. Understand that your time and you company are valuable. And you shouldn’t waste it with some chump who doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. So, ditch and switch, baby!

But, whatever you do, don’t let betrayal cause you to distrust humanity and shut new people out! That’s a recipe for misery!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Don’t Lose Friends, You Lose Frauds

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When you’re a target of relentless bullying, losing so-called friends becomes the norm. Sadly, this is the reality for many who fall into this category.

Most targets of bullying suffer deprivation of human friendship and therefore, they have no sense of belonging. We humans are hardwired for socialization and connection. When bullies meticulously strip those things away, it can be devastating. After they’ve suffered this deprivation for so long, targets can become desperate for even the tiniest crumb of affection.

Neediness always invites abuse.

In life, there will be people who come into your life not to help you but to harm you. Not to love you but to leave you.

Understand that when bullies target you, they beat you down,  and render you sad, lonely, and worst of all, desperate! Add all this together and you have a stinking, toxic cocktail of vulnerable.

Realize that evil always attaches itself to those whom bullies have weakened and made most vulnerable. People smell desperation from a mile away and the target will repel those who are emotionally healthy and attract only the lowlifes whose only intentions are to use and abuse.

Predatory users love to catch you when you’re most vulnerable. When you are rendered powerless, you will draw in fake friends. They’ll be those whose only intentions are to use you until they get all they can out of you. Many will act as friends to hurt and humiliate you.

These people may use you for money or material things or they may simply use you for social benefits. Also, they may use you for the psychological payoff of taking domination of you. Whatever it is, know that they aren’t here for your benefit, they’re here for theirs.

So, when do these frauds show their true colors?

Many targets of bullying are shocked and dismayed when the monster finally shows its face. The target may say something totally innocent, but something the fake friends doesn’t like. Suddenly, the mask falls off and the poor target finds out the hard way that this person really isn’t a friend at all. The fake friend then turns their back and becomes an enemy. They may even bully the target like everyone else.

Here’s when they show their true colors:

1. When you stand up for yourself.

2. When you’re not afraid to be yourself.

3. When you speak your truth and stand on it.

4. When you let your opinions, beliefs, and convictions be known.

5. When you call them or someone they like out on their bullshit.

How do you recognize a true friend?

A true friend may not necessarily agree with you, but they’ll always respect your opinion. They will always accept that you’re a different person with your own set of values. And they’ll never turn their back on you or get hateful toward you for those differences.

True friends will allow and even encourage you to be yourself, speak your truth, and stand behind it. They wouldn’t want you to be fake for the sake of pleasing others.

Understand that if at any time, a person who claims to be your friend doesn’t allow you to be yourself. Or if that person doesn’t allow you to speak your mind, or show your emotions, that person is not a friend. Therefore, you should re-evaluate that friendship and give this person the old heave ho.

Know that you deserve better friends than them. That’s why it’s so important that you love yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go and move on. Because some people just aren’t worth your time. Always remember, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Negative Outcomes of Being Targeted for Bullying

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As a survivor of bullying, people often ask me, “What’s the worst thing about being bullied?” Here are my answers:

1. It’s the pinned up fear and rage you feel but don’t dare show. It’s the paralyzing social fear that sets in. It shuts you down and leaves you withdrawn from the rest of the world. Once people have bullied you for so long, you become intensely paranoid and suspicious of every person you meet. Any laughter you hear, you automatically think, is directed at you.

2. It’s the confusion. You know that you should take a stand against the bullies. You know that you should speak out about it, only you don’t know how to do it, and you’re terrified that it will only make things worse.

 

3. It’s the unanswered questions that play in your mind a thousand times a day. “Why me?” “What have I done to these people” “How do I fix this?” are the questions you have in your head every time bullies surround you and harass you. You know what you want to say to the bullies. “Look! Leave me the &%$# alone!” you scream inside your head but don’t’ dare say it because you know what’s likely to come next.

4. It’s the feeling of loneliness and isolation. When we suffer bullying, not only do bullies smear us to keep us isolated and from making any new friends, but we- WE automatically put up walls of protection to keep other people out, which only reinforces the separation from others.

 

5. It’s the loss of your entire personhood. You forget how to smile, laugh, and have a good time and how to connect with and interact with others. You’re no longer that vibrant, happy, and healthy person you once were. And each insult, each back-biting rumor, each physical attack, each joke, and each prank cuts a little deeper, chips away at your self-esteem, and brings you lower. You feel trapped. You feel as if your bullies are holding you hostage!

Bullies can ruin a target’s life! And they can alter your entire life if you don’t make the changes needed to take your life back.

I won’t kid you. To get out of the hole that your bullies have forced you into, you will have to work hard.

 

You’ll first need to get out of that environment (if possible), then focus on healing, and lastly, change your entire mindset, which means altering your thought patterns, your attitude, and your whole demeanor. And this change won’t happen overnight but may take years.

However, you must be patient and put in the work and time to take back your confidence and happiness. But I promise you, it will be worth it in the long run, and you’ll be so glad you put in the time and effort!

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Who Are Most Hurtful? (Part 2)

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(Continued from Part 1…)

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be completely paranoid, only nonchalant. Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you, who will try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

They will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things and find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? So they can take the juicy deets and report back to your bullies with them.

Here are ways that you can pick up on your classmates or coworkers’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you – without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context – Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

back-stabbing colleagues threatening an employee with scissors and knife

3. Watch for micro flashes – If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.

When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you don’t only imagine things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet – You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person – If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language, and they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking – if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for – a furrowed brow, one corner of the lip slightly raised, an icy, piercing stare, smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes). Any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away – again, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share– Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly Don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. Watch for eavesdroppers – If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors. Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Most Hurtful?

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It wasn’t the attacks from the bullies themselves. The bullies were the people from whom I’d come to expect that kind of behavior. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions came as no surprise to me!

What hurt more than anything was the betrayal– when those I thought were my friends would so quickly and without question believe the lies and rumors that my bullies had spread. It was akin to being kicked in the stomach. Also, these so-called friends in school never had my back. Some even had the power to stop the bullying and protect me but refused, only throwing me under the bus.

Friends are supposed to be the people who believe the best of you. They are supposed to have your back any time someone attacks you. They’ll speak on your behalf when another person so much as badmouths you behind your back but in front of them, and they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

But sadly, during school, the people I thought I could trust did the opposite; they’d either go along with or believe the lies- and without bothering to ask me first!

My fake friends often sold me out- delivered me up to my bullies- with my head on a plate.

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with because, from a bully, you expect nothing more. It’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think is a friend and think highly of. When I look back now, I realize that I didn’t have friends in school until I was in the twelfth grade.

Before senior year, I only kept these so-called pals around and put up with them because they were the only options I had. It was pathetic.

The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small. I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers and haven’t been in the world very long.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends but don’t realize that real friends- people who have your back, who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions- are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

When I meet a new person for the first time, I no longer wonder whether they’ll like me; I now wonder if I’m going to like them. I choose who I let in and who I give the boot, and if I stop having anything to do with someone, you can bet they betrayed me somehow, and I consider betrayal a deadly sin that will get someone dismissed very quickly.

I know what I want in a friend, and I won’t settle for anything less because anything less than desired is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue I look for, and if the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who are so quick to believe the lies your bullies tell them that they get angry with you and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were! Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And why would you settle for someone’s pity? Or, maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves, and you were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

If you have friends who don’t stand with you and fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life. You’re better off without them.

You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while. Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

Continued in Part 2…