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advice for victims of bullying

bullying and personal responsibility at work

Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

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‘Want to know about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety? Here are all the reasons you must know about.

bullying and personal responsibility

Bullying and personal responsibility go hand in hand when victims and targets defend themselves against bullying. Why? Because they’re taking responsibility for their safety.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety instead of relying too much on someone coming to rescue you.

Once you learn all these important facts, you will feel free to stand up to bullies on your own if you’ve reported bullying and been ignored.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you can stop depending on people in authority who refuse to help you and take control of the situation.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility

If you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you.

Moreover, they have brainwashed you into believing that you aren’t worthy of respect, love, or friendship. Moreover, they’ve sabotaged your ability to get a date and of having happiness and success.

In essence, they have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. They may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread to keep you down.

Bullies not only sabotage you relationships, they also wreak havoc on your opportunities and life-chances. They turn everyone against you. Moreover, these are people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Your bullies have sucked the life out of you. As a result, you’ve become a shell of your former self. All because your bullies have held you emotionally hostage for so many years

You’ve tried many time to report the bullying. However, most of the people who have the power to help you refuse to listen to you.

These people could be your teachers, principal, supervisor, or your HR manager. Whoever they are, they don’t want to help you. Or worse, they may have sided with the bullies and blamed you.

Therefore, isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must use the anger constructively.

You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up. They know that sometimes, it’s too easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble.

That’s what your bullies are looking for. Therefore, they push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something foolish. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

1. No one else is coming to rescue you. Your safety is on you.

Life is but a vapor and we only get one chance in this world. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to make that chance count.

If bullies make a derogatory statement to you. It’s up to you to counter that statement. Therefore, start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may throw at you.

Tell yourself that you are awesome. Also, tell yourself that you’re a trooper and you deserve much better than the shit people have been giving you.

Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they have no control over your life and they no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

If you’re a victim of bullying, can you truly and totally rely on people in authority to help you? Can you rely on them to do something about the bullying you suffer?

Moreover, can you depend on them to hold your bullies accountable for their horrible behavior? Can you rely on others to bring you justice?

The answer is a resounding NO!

2. You cannot legislate bullying out of Bullies.

In other words, you cannot pass laws against it and think that it will go away. Passing laws against bullying will get a lot of innocent victims of it in trouble.

I used to be all about laws against bullying. And yes, the idea sounds great. I won’t pretend it doesn’t.

However, I’m beginning to gravitate away from making bullying a crime. Why? Because most people aren’t going to protect targets until it happens to them or one of theirs.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

3. Anti-Bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.

You cannot rely too much on policies. Why? Because they have no teeth!

Schools and workplaces, can write all the anti-bullying rules and policies they want. But, until they enforce those policies, they’re only as cheap as the ink and paper administrators use to make them.

In other words, what good are laws and policies if these entities don’t enforce them? And, at what point do we stop relying on the system to protect us and begin protecting ourselves?

Understand that, no matter what anyone says, you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s crap. Therefore, it’s up to you to stand up to bullies and do it properly.

And if defending yourself doesn’t work, you have the option to remove yourself from the situation and environment.

We Must Learn to Take Care of Ourselves

Here’s another reason I’m gravitating away from making bullying a crime. It’s because most seasoned bullies have ways of making innocent targets look like the bullies.

Therefore, if lawmakers make bullying an imprison-able crime, many innocent targets would end up behind bars. Because, again, bullies, especially those with NPD, have a flare for flipping the script and, very convincingly, painting their victim as the bad guy.

Too many targets have been conditioned to think that self-defense is wrong. It isn’t!

And the people who condition these victims are often bullies themselves. Therefore, if bullies target you for bullying, you must know your enemies. You must do a lot of study and research on bullies, then use the knowledge you gain to outmaneuver them.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Do Your Own Investigation

Also, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. That means detailed documentation.

Moreover, you may need to use the last resort and bust the bully in the mouth if all else fails and the bully tries to physically attack you. It’s the only way you can effectively defend yourself.

Remember! Most school officials, parents and even law enforcement don’t realize the daily horrors that victims endure.

Moreover, bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making their victims looks like the guilty party.

It takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to school staff and authorities. Why? Because in most cases, people in power will only rebuff or blame you for the torment.

These are only a few reasons why it is so important that you keep a daily journal if you are ever targeted by bullies.

You Must Document Every Bullying Incident in Detail.

In other words, keep a daily journal and write down what happened in full detail. Moreover, when you write about it, use the 5W Method.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

What is the 5W Method?

When you use the 5W Method, you record what, who, when, where, and why. Sometimes, you must also record how it happened. The trick is to write down every detail you can.

Using the 5W Method helps you do that.

1. What

Write down what happened… in detail. Describe the attack exactly as it happened. Also, do it while it’s still fresh in your memory.

2. Who

Write down the names of the bullies – the people involved in the attack. Moreover, record the names of any bystanders and witnesses. These people will be anyone who is present when your bullies attack you.

3. When

Jot down the exact time, date when the provocation occurred.

4. Where

Write down the place the altercation occurred. For example, if the bullying attack happened at school, did it happen in the bathroom?

If so, write down that you were in the bathroom when it happened.

5. Why

If your bully attacked you because you reported a prior bullying incident, write that down. This is super important!

6. If need be, write down how it happened.

The more details you can give, the better!

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Record every Bullying incident, no matter how subtle.

Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out! Even if the attacks are seen as minor, such as snickering when you you walk in the room, you must still record it in your journal.

I can’t stress this enough- keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves. Also, they’re admissible in court. Therefore, you’ll have a record to present to a judge if you need to take legal action.

When I was in school, I kept a journal of the bullying I suffered and I still have some of the material today. In fact, it helped me to write my book, “From Victim to Victor” and tell the story of how I was bullied by my classmates.

Keep your Bullying Journal Private.

This is a must! Bullies are notorious for snooping through their victim’s belongings. Also, they’ll destroy your property. Therefore, keep your journal at home and write in it as soon as you get home.

 This should go without saying, you certainly wouldn’t want the wrong people to find it. Because, if they do, your bullies will destroy your evidence. Also, they will retaliate against you for having it in the first place.

Again, keep it at home!

Wear a Body Camera or Keep a Digital Recorder on you and record the bullying.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Save any mean or threatening emails, Texts, social media posts, comments, or private messages on three or more different thumb Drives.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

In Conclusion

You are responsible for your safety. When you suffer bullying, it’s up to you to do your own investigation and gather your own evidence.

The last thing you should do is depend on anyone else. Report the bullying, yes. However, if the school or company doesn’t do anything about it. Then, you must do what you have to do to build your own case.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you’ll know exactly what to do if you ever encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

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‘Want to know all about confident body language and all the ways you can look confident even if you don’t necessarily feel confident? Here are all the tips and tricks you need to know about.

confident body language

Confidence looks great on anybody! Even you! Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about confident body language and ways to look like you just won a million bucks!

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will not only look but feel better! Moreover, your magnetism will skyrocket!

This post is all about confident body language and ways to look confident so that you not only give your self-esteem a boost but your charisma too. And the best part is that you’ll less likely look like bully-bait!

Confident Body Language

The look of confidence can be the difference between being badass or being bullied. But before we talk about body language that make you look confident, let’s talk about the body language you should avoid.

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

Bullies are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in a potential target that screams “victim.” But, how do they do this?

Bullies will study your body language first and foremost. They also notice your emotional reactions to certain things.

In other words, they watch how you handle conflict and adversity. Here are all the negative body language moves and ways to correct them.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye-contact signals either dishonesty, or a lack of confidence. This is exactly what bullies look for.

Many victims of bullying get nervous in social situations. This is understandable.

When people have bullied you for long enough, you no longer feel safe in social interactions. Therefore, you’ll often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re nervous to the point of avoiding eye-contact with others, bullies may notice.

As a result, they’ll peg you as a victim. Also, even people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you.

Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident.

Yes, acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident.

And confidence is the best way to get through any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

submissive body language

This includes poor posture, such as slouching and hunching down. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission.

Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want to say and not seeking to achieve your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people. Instead, start achieving your own needs for a change.

Remember that you deserve, just as much as the next person, to have your needs and wants met. Therefore, start working toward your own goals. And to hell with the rest of them if they don’t like it.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body-language)

Crossing of the arms in front of you and crossing your legs are both self-protective behaviors. So are hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck.

Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. Always relax!

4. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, holding your head down, and looking bashful. Again, hold your head high.

Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do and think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies.

Therefore, you must move freely and I’m going to say it again… relax!

You must watch your body language if you don’t want bullies to spot you as a potential target. In fact, it’s the most important thing you can do.

If you catch yourself looking down, correct this by looking people in the eye or looking ahead. If it’s slouching you find yourself doing, sit up straight.

And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes. Why? Because body language speaks louder than words ever will.

Moreover, not only should you mind your own body language, you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues as well.

11 Confident Body Language Cues

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer.

Even worse, people will see it in your everyday body language. You won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying. Why? Because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse.

In other words, the victim’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason most victims have very few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, others can spot insecurity a mile away. And it makes it difficult to attract healthy people into your life.

You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, human nature dictates that healthy people stay away from those who have low self-esteem.

If you aren’t confident, you’ll attract predators. And these people will only pretend to be your friends to exert control over your life and get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles and closed body language make you appear unapproachable.

Confident Body Language:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. It is just something that happens after you’ve endured abuse for so long. However, here’s the good news!

Confident body language is something that you can learn. Moreover, it’s something you can teach yourself and practice.

And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life. Also, you’ll begin to repel bullies and other human predators.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to Look Confident and instantly win friends.

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them. Also, it shows that you’re open to friendships.

Moreover, it conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! On the other hand, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off.

It only repels people and invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than they help.

2. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them. It also shows respect.

People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye.

Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

3. Confident Body Language:

Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching, only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. Feet should be shoulder-width apart, with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

This also signals confidence. Again, confidence keeps bullies away. When a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power!

And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward the person you’re speaking to.

Also, look them in the eye when. When you do all this combined, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Confident Body Language:

Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, it’s a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax.

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

Not only does it weird people out, it sends the message that you might be trying to hide something!

Therefore, always relax around others. Having relaxed body language conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself.

Moreover, it shows that you’re confident about them too. It signals trust. Therefore, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Confident Body Language:

Hold your head up.

Holding your head down or looking down conveys low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Therefore, always hold your head high. Doing this says confidence and others notice.

Look like you feel good about yourself and your attitude will soon align with it.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you want to go elsewhere. In other words, it says that you don’t want to be with the person.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet. However, those who are the most aware of body language cues will.

Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them – that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cues are in line with your verbal ones.

This post was all about confident body language so that you can not only keep bullies away but attract healthy people and friendships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

confronting bullying at school

Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

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‘Want to know about confronting bullying and the blow back you’ll likely get so that you can be encouraged to stay strong and keep speaking out and defending yourself? Here are all the ways bullies retaliate when you confront their bullying head-on.

confronting bullying

Confronting bullying isn’t easy by any means. Bullies can be intimidating and you may balk at standing up for yourself because you don’t know what the bullies might do. However, bullies are just as humanly vulnerable as you. They just won’t tell you.

This is why you must defend yourself no matter what your bullies may say or do to retaliate. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about what comes with confronting bullying so that you will be prepared.

Once you know all about this life-changing information, you will be compelled to keep your wits about you and confront bullying no matter how intimidating the bullies are.

Confronting Bullying

Confronting bullying can be one of the scariest things to do. However, if you want to ensure your safety later, it’s something you must do.

You know bullying when you feel it.

One of the saddest things about bullying is the confusion it often brings. Bullies and others will often confuse and mislead you. They will tell you that no one is bullying you. Maybe they’ll accuse you of having paranoia.

When you defend yourself against a bully, others may gaslight you by either trivializing or dismissing what you just experienced. They may tell you, “it’s only in your mind” or accuse you of being too sensitive.

If you’re not careful, they may even convince you of it! This will only force you to endure the torment in silence. Bullying feeds on silence.

Bullying Cannot Thrive Without Silence

Therefore, people will let the bully off the hook. Even worse, they’ll be free to target you again in the future. The bully gets the message that it’s okay to target you.

So, they’ll bully you simply because they can. And they do it with impunity.

After so long, you’ll begin  to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and stand up to bullies. You’ll then question your own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.”

Moreover, you’ll grow silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “having paranoia,” “unhinged” or “overly sensitive.”

However, know that these labels mean to undermine and steal your voice.

Confronting Bullying:

It’s Not Only In Your Mind.

If you’re a target of these mind games, let me assure you: It’s NOT only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Therefore, always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. Your brain and your gut always let you know when something isn’t right!

You can sense it. Moreover, you can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you.

You can see and hear them talking through their teeth. Also, you can hear the short and cold tone in their voices.

You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people, pronto!

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve the time of day from you.

It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough. If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! Weed. Them. Out!

Why? Because they aren’t worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological. Also, never allow anyone to silence you. Speak out! Refuse their gaslighting.

Self awareness is key, as is awareness of everyone and everything around you. Also, setting boundaries is equally important. You must get to know yourself. Listen to your body and the sensations you feel.

It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

Confronting Bullying:

Don’t be afraid of your bullies’ reactions to your speaking out.

When you begin speaking out about your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. In other words, you put them in defense mode.

This is when they’ll do one, some, or all of four things.

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. In other words, they’ll scream and yell at you. They’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

See it for what it is. You just forced them to reveal their true colors. Any time your bullies get outraged and attack you , that’s when you know you’ve busted them.

Again, you’ve forced them to out themselves! Yay for you!

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They’ll swear up and down they never bullied or mistreated you.

They may even throw out subtle hints that you must’ve misinterpreted them. They’ll claim that you “have everything misconstrued.”

Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is gaslighting. Moreover, it speaks volumes about their character.

3. Confronting Bullying:

Defame you.

The second you call out their abuse, is the second bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others. Therefore, they’ll tell everyone who will listen what a lying, lowdown piece of garbage you are.

However, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control.

They’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face. The last thing bullies want is for you to expose them.

Most of the time, your bullies will tell others that you’re experiencing some sort of mental episode. This is the classic reaction of abusers. They always attack your mental health.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

See this as an admission of guilt.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared.

However, this is the best outcome. If they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again.

Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

So, the last thing they want is to do anything that will make them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards, yes. However, they’re making the smartest move by simply staying away from you. They’ll even avoid mentioning your name.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may avoid you long enough to defame you to others.

Or, they just might secretly plot revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in different ways. They may use one or all of the above measures to discredit you.

Confronting Bullying:

Bullies count on you staying quiet about their abuse.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even former bullies, count on your silence. In fact, they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because they risk losing respect in the community. The last thing they want is for other people to see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies make everything about appearances. Therefore, when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make the following statements.

  • “Well, we were just kids then.”
  • “But that’s all water under the bridge.”
  • “Just let bygones be bygones.”
  • ”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, they may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

However, your bullies have other objectives as well:

  • Bullies say these things to minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
  • Also, they want to make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
  • And, to cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

Therefore, don’t be afraid. Instead, see through it all and let them launch their personal attacks.

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point. When you speak out about the abuse, you force your bullies to explain themselves.

Anyone who must explain and justify themselves is never in a powerful position.

So, in forcing your bullies to explain themselves you instantly snatch them out of their position of power. You move them into a position of vulnerability.

In other words, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a very helpless and subordinate place. In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

Confronting Bullying:

Power doesn’t explain itself.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their power. And their perceived authority disappears with it.

Why? Because neither power nor authority explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

Hence the reason bullies despise even the thought of having to give explanations. It puts them in a weak and subordinate position.

No wonder bullies get nuts when you out them!

This post is all about confronting bullying and everything that comes with it so that you can gather the courage to take back your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

bullying and gaslighting at work

Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

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‘Want to know about bullying and gaslighting and the different ways bullies may gaslight you? Here are all the important things you need to know.

bullying and gaslighting

Bullying is bad enough. However, when you top it off with gaslighting, it only victimizes you over and over again. You don’t have to put up with it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and gaslighting and seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can use these gaslighting phrases and tactics to protect yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be a warrior against any gaslighting some creep tries with you.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting. It gives you the seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can successfully push back against it and save your self-esteem from being torn to shreds.

Bullying and Gaslighting

Before we get into the different ways bullies gaslight you, let’s first discuss exactly what bullies do when they gaslight you. So, what is the definition of gaslight?

Gaslight- to psychologically manipulate someone into doubting their own perception of reality.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects you as their intended target, they will start out subtly. Then, they will slowly increase the severity of their abuse.

Moreover, they will do everything possible to maintain that power. And how they maintain power is to gaslight you, once you begin defending yourself.

Understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at your expense. Abusing you gives them that psychological reward.

And that reward is the rush of power and a sense of authority and control they get at your expense.

Psychological Rewards of Bullying.

We just mentioned some of the rewards – power, control, dominance, and a sense of authority. However, what are other psychological rewards bullies get from bullying you?

When bullies bully you, others also reward them with attention, high social status and promotions.

 Therefore, again, bullies will fight like the devil to keep those benefits. Moreover, if you speak out and shed light on their behavior, that’s when the gaslighting begins.

Bullying and Gaslighting:

How Gaslighting Starts

When you begin noticing that your bullies are abusing you, you’ll likely report it. Moreover, you’re also likely to begin standing up to them.

And once you start rocking the boat, your bullies will become angry and afraid. Why? Because you become a threat to their power.

Therefore, the bullies only increase the abuse to subdue you. But that’s not all. Your bullies also want to punish you.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by psychological and emotional abuse. This involves, gaslighting. However, it also includes brainwashing to dis-empower you.

Realize that they use these methods because this type of bullying leaves no visible evidence. Therefore, it’s much easier for them to deny it.

7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

1. Persistent lying

Bullies tell vague lies, trying to make you believe that you that you are defective somehow. Also, they may try to convince you that you deserve the mistreatment.

I say, vague lies because, if you notice, they never tell you what your defect is. They also never tell you exactly what you did to deserve the abuse.

Moreover, bullies will spread lies about you to other people. They may tell them,

  • “He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”
  • “She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”
  • “She brought it all on herself!”

However, they’ll never, ever elaborate on any of those statements. And they won’t have to. Why? Because the people who hear these things will fill in the blanks.

They will most likely assume that you must have done something to deserve the abuse. Because, why would this person say such terrible things about you if you didn’t have it coming?

Bullying and Gaslighting:

What Your Bullies Will Say to You

  • “What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”
  • “I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”
  • “You’re just being (overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”
  • “Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!
  • “You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”
  • “You’re so (arrogant, ugly, etc.)!”
  • “Nobody will ever believe a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Understand that bullies deliberately repeat these lies to convince you that they’re right. Moreover, they repeat these lies for weeks, months, even years.

However, the constant repetition has a purpose! And that is to brainwash you and turn you against yourself. If your bullies get get you to see yourself through their eyes, then they can get everyone else to as well.

In other words, if you start to believe the bully’s lies, others will too.

As a result, you become riddled with confusion. Also, you may develop social anxiety and shame. Eventually, you’ll lose the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is all a strategy. And it’s designed to keep you under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Wearing you down and forcing you to agree with them.

Bullies continue to bully you. In fact, they intensify the bullying.  But, understand that they do this for a reason.

And that reason is to wear you down until you’re is so tired of having to fight. Standing up for yourself takes a lot of energy. It puts you in survival mode.

Being in survival mode for a long time only tires you out. It depletes you of energy. This is how your bullies weaken you and take the fight out of you.

If you aren’t careful, you’ll grow so tired you’ll likely give up. And once you give up, your bullies have you right where they want you.

As a result, you’ll shut down, grow numb to the abuse and surrender to the bullies.

3. Becoming Highly Aggressive When you Call Out the Abuse

Bullies may try to maintain power by become extremely aggressive. Understand that this is designed to make you afraid. If they can subdue you with fear, then you’re least likely to keep standing your ground.

Moreover, your bullies can continue to subjugate you and keep you quiet. It also allows them to escape accountability and clear the way for future attacks.

4. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Blaming and Shaming You

Bullies blame you to take the guilt away from themselves. Moreover, when you speak out about their abuse, they will shame you for opening your mouth.

They may call you a crybaby, a wuss, a whiner, or a tattle tale. However, whatever they call you, bullies do it to shame you into silence.

5. Isolating You (Divide and Conquer)

Bullies will try to isolate you through social aggression. They’ll spread rumors and lies about you. Also they may threaten and intimidate your friends and associates for having anything to do with you.

Understand that bullies pull this tactic to get your friends to stop talking to you. If they can impose a high penalty on your friends for associating with you, the more likely they are to turn their backs on you.

If they can do this, then they can cut you off from any support or protection you may otherwise receive.

Then, once you’re isolated, the bullies then move in for the kill and take the abuse to new heights.

But wait! Here’s another thing bullies may do.

If you express a desire to leave the environment (change schools or workplaces), the bullies may try to discourage you from leaving. Moreover, they’ll do it by convincing you that you won’t be treated any better anywhere else.

They may even try to block your transfer to cut off any means of escape.

6. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Trying to convince you that you need their approval to get along.

Bullies make themselves out to be superior. They’ll try to make you believe that you somehow need their approval. If bullies can make you depend on their permission, their power and control only increase.

Bullies do this by convincing you that they are the only ones who can better your situation. In other words, they want you to believe that only with their say so will you be able to make friends and enjoy positive relationships!

In that, they make you believe that you can’t find happiness and fulfillment unless they approve.

And they will tie conditions to that approval. In other words, the bullies will make you think you must submit to their every whim to get any approval.

And they will try to make you do things you don’t want to do, no matter how demeaning. However, understand that bullies don’t honor deals! Ever!

Therefore, they will never leave you alone! And they will never give you their seal of approval. You must realize that all this is only another ploy to assert domination!

7. Making Empty Promises

Bullies will make all kinds of empty promises to get you to submit to their wishes. However, bullies never keep promises.

  • “If you do this, I’ll go away quietly and leave you alone.”
  • “Do that for me and I’ll be your friend.”
  • “If you’d only do XYZ, I’ll make things easier for you.”

Don’t you believe any of it!

You must understand that you can never appease a bully. You might for the time being. However, They will always come back for more later.

Bullies will never go away. They only make empty promises to keep you under their control. Understand that bullies have an insatiable appetite for power.

Bullies are like bottomless pits. No matter what you do to please them, they’ll only continue the torment. Therefore, you must realize that no amount of abuse is ever enough for a bully.

Remember that bullies are addicted to power. Bullying is the only way they can get that power. Therefore, abusing you is like a drug to them and they can never get enough!

Bullying and Gaslighting:

So, How Do You Stop Bullies from Bullying You?

1. Keep standing up to them. Don’t back down!

Once you begin defending yourself against bullies, expect it to get worse before it gets better. Realize that when you start standing up for yourself, you will get a ton of resistance at first.

However, you must stay consistent! Don’t give up! Don’t give in! Consistency is key here!

The more they try to take you down, the more you push back until your bullies decide that you’re too much to handle. Then, once they get the message that messing with you comes at too great a cost, they’ll leave you alone and go find another victim.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting so that you’ll know what to expect and continue standing up to bullies until they finally leave you alone for good!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

2. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

how to shut down a bully at school

How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

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‘Want to know how to shut down a bully? Here are all the powerful comebacks you need to know about.

how to shut down a bully

Bullies are forever coming up with ways to humiliate and torment you. This is why you must learn cognitive re-framing and protect your precious self-esteem from being battered.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to shut down a bully with these powerful (and humiliating) comebacks.

Once you learn all these game-changing counter-jabs, you will be able to better defend your confidence, you self-esteem, and your overall mental health from these confidence thieves. Moreover, you’ll make them think twice before they ever come for you again.

This post is all about how to shut down a bully so that you can counter anything they throw at you and protect your most valuable asset… your mental health.

How to Shut Down a Bully

In order to shut down bullying when it happens to you, you must first re-frame everything they throw at you. This is the first step in shutting down bullies.

Bullies will always have something negative to say. Therefore, stop thinking there’s something wrong with you. Maybe there’s something right with you.

Therefore, before we get to the comebacks, let’s first talk about using cognitive re-framing.

So, what is cognitive re-framing?

According to the VeryWellMind blog, it is “a technique use to shift your mindset so you’re able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective.”

There are several ways you can look at different types of bullying attacks. For example, lets talk about gossip, rumors, and trash talk.

6 Ways to look at it when Bullies Trash-Talk You

Here’s how you use cognitive re-framing:

1. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.

And most people would rather be “bad” than boring.

Moreover, when people discuss you, it usually means that your life is a lot more interesting than theirs is. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be getting so many mentions, good or bad.

Think of it like this. You must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. Therefore, realize that when they talk about you, they make you relevant.

2. How to Shut Down A Bully:

When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.

So, who’s really in control here? You are. Let’s explain a little more.

People only talk about things, events and people that interest them. Moreover, they will only talk about any of the three that they consider relevant.

Therefore, as mentioned earlier, they make you relevant and you interest them. It doesn’t matter whether you illicit good or bad feelings in them. What matters is that you make an impact on them.

That, in itself, is power! Especially if you don’t care enough about them to even mention them at all. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The point is that they may hate you but you could care less about them. Again, that’s such sweet power!

3. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying To or meaning to.

It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled with little effort. Moreover, you’re interesting enough for them to discuss but they’re not interesting enough for you to talk about.

Therefore, just go on about your day and let them talk. Because people like those aren’t worth your time.

4. How to Shut Down a Bully:

They must really admire you and want to be like you.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. So, why should you give a damn. Again, let them talk.

5. It says more about them than it does about you.

It says if that they don’t have lives of their own. Again, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

You’re the winner here!

6. People who consistently talk bad about you really have an obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk? Why? Because some things don’t need a defense. This goes especially if the bullies are known for being gossips and troublemakers.

Therefore, just sit back, smile, and be quietly amused by the pettiness they display. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the gossip too.

Once you finally wise up and take this approach, you’ll be surprised at the results! Moreover, your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

And now, for the comebacks you’ve been waiting for!

How to Shut Down a Bully:

11 Comebacks you can use to Shut Them Up and Shut them Down.

1. “The truth hurts sometimes.”

This phrase is brilliant because it does two things:

It infuriates bullies who try to gaslight you. Why? Because it acts as a proverbial boomerang and reverses the sting back onto them.

Moreover, it exposes your bully’s inability to handle the truth. This comeback can only work in your favor because your bullies’ anger and indignation will only further give them away.

Why? Because bullies don’t get emotional unless they’re afraid they’re losing control. And once they fear losing control, they begin feeling desperate. Always remember that.

2. “I Don’t See It That Way.”

This is a good comeback because you’re making it clear to the bully that you refuse to buy their bullshit.

Keep in mind that bullies want to make you doubt your own perceptions. In other words, they want you to think, “well, maybe he’s right. Maybe I did have it coming.”

No you did not! Remember that you’re not responsible for anyone’s behavior but yours. Your bullies’ behavior is a direct result of their choices, not yours.

3. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“Whatever.”

This little one-word response is so potent and powerful. It’s short and sweet, and it’s the perfect blow-off to any bully.

Why? Because it sends the message that you refuse to engage with them. Also, through that response alone, you communicate to your bullies that they’re a waste of your time. And really, they are!

Therefore, you end up taking the wind right out of their sails. Why? Because, your bullies are excepting a big reaction from you and when you blow them off with a “whatever,” you stun them.

Any time you calmly use this comeback, you send the message to bullies that they don’t hurt nor intimidate you, they only bore you. Ouch!

It’s very difficult to counter a response of, “Whatever.”

Moreover, another reason this little beauty of a response infuriates bullies so much is that there’s no way to counter it. It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking like fools.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look like they’re not very creative. Additionally, the bully will also look childish and corny.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-worded bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

Do it this way and you look calm, cool, and collected while making your bullies look defeated. Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue or to agree with their drivel.

4. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This really ticks off bullies because, just like the first comeback, it turns the tables on them. You send the unspoken message that you refuse to let their attacks shake you.

Using this sarcastic comeback isn’t an apology. It’s a dig. It shows the bully that you could care less about their feelings.

Also, it communicates to them that nothing they have to say is worth the effort you must put in to argue. Again, this is how you respond to a bully. They get no respect because they don’t give any.

5. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“that’s your opinion, not mine.”

This is a great comeback because it lets the bully know that their opinions don’t change yours. Moreover, it shows you could care less about what they think of you or what they have to say.

Bullies will seethe when you use this gem of a comeback. And you’ll come out feeling strong. I guarantee it!

6. “You have your reality and I have mine.”

Bullies are notorious for trying to undermine your reality and call your perception into question. Anytime you give your bullies this response, you tackle the problem up front.

Moreover, they get the message that you’re not one to be swayed from your perception. In other words, they’ll know instantly that you’re immune to any manipulative mind games they try to play.

And this is what you want so they’ll leave you alone and go find some other sucker to jerk around

7. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“How?” “When?” “Where?” or “Like What?”

What you are doing here is asking for details. Here, you come back at the bully with questions and they will absolutely hate that.

Bullies always avoid details. Why? Because when you ask questions, you change the focus from opinions and emotions to hard facts.

In other words, you force them to come up with hard evidence to back up their claim or argument. Most bullies won’t be able to counter this because they only speak from emotions rather than facts.

Ask a bully questions referring to context and evidence. Then, laugh as you watch them stutter and stammer, trying to come up with an intelligent-sounding answer.

Also, the bully may respond with things like, “Just forget it!” and storm off. However, realize that they do this because they can’t answer your questions.

So, again, laugh at them as they’re stomping away like an angry two-year-old.

8. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“You’ll get over it.”

This is the perfect response in lieu of a direct apology.

This may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, this response allows you to respond without accepting blame.

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Therefore, if you happen to have these two virtues, bullies will only steamroll you with it.

Moreover, this comment will more than likely rile your bullies’ emotions. Why? Because they’ll get the message that you don’t take them seriously.

Moreover, their outbursts of anger and indignation will expose them for who they really are. Therefore, respond without taking responsibility for their bad behavior and do it with power!

9. “Don’t worry. You’ll Live.”

This response is the same as number 8 but with a softer touch. Again, this deflects any gaslighting away from you and back to the bully. The “Don’t worry” part highlights the bully’s anger or upset emotional state while buffering you from the bully’s initial attack.

It’s one of the perfect verbal boomerangs that can force bullies to expose themselves. Why? Because most bullies will explode at this comeback even if it is a softer one.

The reason your bullies will get so upset is because they’ll get the message that you take their frantic whining with a grain of salt.

What bully wouldn’t flip out at a response like this? Remember that bullies want you to get emotional. Or, they want you to hang your head low and walk away. They want you to feel as if you wronged them somehow.

But don’t!

Instead, use these responses and pretty soon, no one will want to bully you. These responses worked for me and they can work for you too.

10. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“Oh, you finally found something funny to say?”

This is good to use when a bully tries to deliver a good burn in front of an audience. Not only does it let them know that they aren’t funny, but it also lets them know they didn’t phase you with that corny jab.

Therefore, the bully will least likely try anything like that again a second time.

11. “This is so Boring. Let me know when you’re done.”

This is a great comeback because it tells the bully that they don’t upset you, hurt you, or anger you. What it says is that they bore the hell out of you. Ouch!

This is a huge let-down to the bully because they last thing they want is to be told that they’re boring.

Therefore, they’ll likely decide that they’d be better off finding an easier target.

This post was all about how to shut down a bully so that you can bully-proof yourself and protect your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

4. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

5. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

loving yourself in an environment that hates you reddit

Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

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Loving yourself in an environment that hates you is one of the biggest challenges you face when people constantly bully you. However, you can do it! Here’s how to love yourself in the middle of bullying so that you can emerge from it with your self-esteem and mental health intact.

loving yourself in an environment that hates you

Loving yourself can be challenging when people target you for bullying. How can you feel good about yourself when the only thing you hear from others is negativity?

In this post you will learn all about ways of loving yourself in an environment that hates you. In that, you will learn ways to do it so that you can come away from bullying with a healthy self-esteem.

Once you learn all about this life-saving information, you will be able to come through any abuse with minimal damage to your mental health and move on to a happy and productive life.

This post is all about loving yourself in an environment that hates you so that you can come through bullying with your confidence, self-esteem, and mental health intact.

Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

People constantly bombarding you with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks, even for a short time, makes life harder than it should be.

Moreover, after a long period of time, it can have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. And if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited bullies tell you.

Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love. Why? Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

Here are ways to keep loving yourself when everyone bullies you.

1. Make positive affirmations every day, several times a day.

In other words, look at yourself in the mirror each morning and say these words to yourself:

  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of being loved.”
  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM important.”
  • “I AM smart.”

The more you give yourself positive affirmations, the more they will stick and the more you’ll believe it even if others try to bring you down. This is how you shield your precious mind from bullies who wish to destroy it.

Understand that you must do what you must do to maintain your self-esteem. Never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. Also, you must take care of YOU. Therefore, love yourself enough to give yourself compassion when others mistreat you.

2. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Be willing to make difficult, even heartbreaking decisions.

You must command respect and love from others, including toxic family members that you love dearly. And be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to either receive that love and respect or get rid of toxic people who refuse to give it to you.

Sometimes, you have to walk away for people you love and care about. And you must do it knowing full well that there is always a chance that they may never see your worth.

Moreover, this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes. And they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

But! If by chance, it doesn’t happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them. You did it only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve.

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

That means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go.

3. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Stop Caring what people think of you.

No lie. This can be hard to do, especially if the people around you hate you and are bullying you. Loving yourself in a room full of people who hate you takes a mountain of hard work.

In other words, it’s real tough to do when all you hear from everyone is:

  • “You aren’t worth a damn!”
  • “You suck!”
  • “You’re a drain on society!”
  • “You’ll never amount to a hill of beans!”

I understand. If you hear that long enough and from enough people, it can break your spirit if you let it. And how you refuse to let it get to you is to see it for what it is- noise pollution!

This is why it’s so important to stop giving a tinker’s damn what anyone thinks of you. At the end of the day, what they think of you doesn’t matter.

Here’s another thing to think about. The weight a person’s opinions carry depends on their relationship with you. In other words, you give the most value to the opinions of the people who are closest to you. The ones who love and care for you.

However, the opinions of those who are out to hurt you carry the least weight. Therefore, you don’t have to place in value on the opinions of enemies, bullies, and haters.

To get offended by someone’s opinion, you must first value their opinions. Therefore, don’t give any value to things that have none.

In other words, refuse to let the incendiary remarks of a bully get to you.

4. Give yourself permission to be yourself.

That means be the authentically beautiful person you were born to be. Moreover, do it even if others don’t like it. Understand that most people are fake and they won’t like it when you relax and be yourself. Why? Because you’re their complete opposite.

Also, giving yourself permission to be yourself means knowing it’s okay to have needs, wants, and desires. Moreover, it’s okay to express those desires.

Other people might ridicule or reprimand you for asking for what you want. However, pay these people no mind and just do your thing. They’ll get over it eventually.

5. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Train your inner voice to speak lovingly to you.

You do this through practice and patience. If that inner critic starts putting you down, catch it when it happens. Then turn the negative words into words of love.

Therefore, when you do this for long enough, that voice will begin to love you unconditionally.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Understand that we’re all on different paths. Some have smooth paths and others paths are rougher. However, never compare your life with theirs.

Look for the blessings in your life and be proud of who you are.

7. Give yourself permission to walk away from drama.

When bullies begin running their mouths, sometimes it’s best to just walk away and leave them standing there. Understand that you have a right not to deal with drama.

Moreover, expect your bullies to ridicule you for choosing to remove yourself. They may accuse you of being to scared to face them. However, know that it’s not out of fear that you do so, it’s out of smarts and self-care.

Therefore, realize that it’s okay to leave if you’re in an environment where you aren’t valued.

8. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, not everyone has bullies who constantly shame them for it or remind them of past errors.

This is proof that your mistakes are no worse than the ones others make. Your bullies may make it seem like they are. But they aren’t. Therefore, you’re no worse than anyone else.

Continue to love and value yourself anyway, despite what others may say or think.

9. Know that it’s okay if people get angry with you.

In other words, if people get angry at you for taking care of yourself, that’s your cue that they don’t deserve to be in your life and you should ditch these creeps and move on.

Don’t let their anger discourage you from doing what’s best for yourself. Because you’re the only one who must live your life. Therefore, make your life the best life you can make it.

And to hell with what anyone else thinks!

10. Realize that you can’t control how others think, feel, or behave.

Another person’s behavior is beyond your control. Therefore, give up the urge to control the way others act toward you. Why? Because it’s impossible and it’s a waste of your time and energy.

You can never control how others view you. Moreover, you can’t control what people say to you and how they act toward you.

However, what you can control is how you behave. In other words, you can control how you respond to the behavior of bullies and other idiots who try to steal your joy.

And, most importantly, you have a choice whether to keep associating with these losers and keep them in your life. Therefore, give them the boot if possible.

You don’t need them around.

11. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

See your bullies’ drivel for what it is – a bunch of noise!

Loving yourself in the face of bullying is revolutionary!

Therefore, you must drown out all the hot air and noise pollution your bullies emit. And you must see it for what it is. How do you do that?

  •  You do it by seeing your bullies for the creeps they truly are.
  • You do it by understanding where all their vitriol comes from.
  • Also, you do it by thinking good thoughts of yourself and reminding yourself of your good qualities.
  • And you do it by reminding yourself what a bunch of pathetic losers your bullies truly are.

Therefore, keep training your brain to think highly of yourself, even when nobody else thinks lowly of you. It’s the greatest act of rebellion against bullies!

Again, see it for what it is. The judgements and verbal abuse you consistently hear from the cowardly creeps around you, is nothing but a bunch of racket. In other words, it’s noise pollution!

When you’re determined like yourself when others don’t, you refuse to let bullies get into your head.

Moreover, you train your brain to filter out the negative comments that serve no purpose but to damage your self-esteem. Also, you silence that inner critic that would otherwise nag you night and day.

And here’s the best part! When you love and accept yourself, others outside the bullying environment will likely accept you. In other words, strangers who have no history with you will be inclined to also love and accept you.

No, your bullies and abusers won’t like or love you even if you love yourself. But who cares about them?

Therefore, you must love yourself in spite of what others think of you. You will be surprised at how it protects your self-esteem. When you work to feel good about yourself, even while bullies are trying to tear you down, it will work as a buffer to the psychological attacks they launch.

You may come out of it bruised, but not broken.

Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Learn to Love the Person You’re Stuck with For Life- You!

There’s no getting away from it, bucko! You can never run from yourself. You are confined to yourself and will take this person with you wherever you go.

Therefore, would you rather be stuck for the rest of your life with someone you love or someone you hate?

This post was all about the importance of loving yourself in an environment that hates you so that you’ll be able to buffer yourself against the attacks of bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

2. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: 9 Ways it Plagues Victims of Bullying

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‘Want to know what a negative self-fulfilling prophecy is and how victims of bullying unwittingly bring it about? ‘Want to know how you can change your way of thinking so that this bad phenomenon doesn’t happen to you? Here’s how it happens and how you can turn it around so that it doesn’t keep happening to you.

negative self-fulfilling prophecy

When you’ve been a target of bullying for so long, your world becomes shaky. You began to doubt yourself and your abilities. Why? Because bullies and others had drummed into your head for so long and you can’t do anything right. Moreover, they’ve successfully made you believe that you aren’t good enough and never will be.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the negative self-fulfilling prophecy so that you’ll be compelled to change your negative thought patterns and begin thinking only positive thoughts.

Once you learn all about these secrets, you will work on having a positive mind. As a result, you will be better able to put your life in the direction of success.

This post is all about the negative self-fulfilling prophecy and how you can turn a negative attitude into a positive one.

Negative self-fulfilling prophecy

After bullies and others have put you down and degraded you for so long, serious changes in your thought patterns begin happening. You begin having symptoms that should warn you that you’re on your way to having a “bullied brain.”

Here are those symptoms.

1. You start to wonder if they’re right about you.

Moreover, you wonder if they were all along and that you just didn’t see it. If you aren’t careful, bullies will tell you lies about yourself so often, for so long, that you’ll begin to believe it too.

Why? Because a huge piece of your self-esteem has broken off. Therefore, your brain is rewiring itself to accept what these creeps tell you as gospel.

You may think to yourself, “Well, everyone else thinks I’m no good, maybe they’re right. Because if there is any good in me, why would so many people tell me differently?”

You think you’re using logic when thinking this. But you aren’t. What you’re doing is buying into the lies bullies have told you. Moreover, you’re mistakenly thinking that because the bullies have managed to convince everyone else that you’re no good, that it must be true.

It isn’t. Just because everyone else thinks you’re garbage does NOT make it true. Therefore, you must never fall for your bullies’ lies. Because, that what they are! LIES!

Again, just because everyone else thinks you’re trash doesn’t make it so. Moreover, this is what you must tell yourself every day, several times a day if you have to.

Never let your bullies get into your head. They may turn everyone else against you, but you don’t have to let them turn you against you.

Instead, hold on tightly to your worth and your confidence, no matter what!

2. Negative self-fulfilling prophecy:

You begin to get awkward and clumsy.

Let’s face it. When people bully you nonstop, you’re likely to turn into a bundle of nerves. Therefore, it is out of nervousness that you become clumsy and awkward.

This is because your brain is preparing itself for a hostile environment. Realize that this is a survival mechanism. The bullying has thrown not only your mind but your entire body into survival mode.

Therefore, your logical brain has shut down and your primal, survival brain has taken over. Therefore, you will begin to do things you normally wouldn’t do. When you’re in survival mode, you’ll make a ton of mistakes.

Your decision making takes a big hit. Any decision you make, you wonder if it’s the right one. You may have even become too afraid to make choices.

Therefore, you begin fumbling and screwing up constantly. Moreover, it seems that the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you make. And it feels as if you don’t know which end is up anymore.

As a result, the more bullies ridicule, put you down, even hurt you for those mistakes. And there goes another piece of self-esteem.

3. You begin to make a ton of gaffes and blunders.

This also comes from nervousness.

As you continue to descend down this downward spiral, you unintentionally make gaffes that only make people angrier at you. You only rub them the wrong way when you’re only trying to quell the hostility.

Therefore, it seems that anything you try to do to help the situation only seems to have the opposite effect. This erodes even more of your precious self-esteem.

4. Negative self-fulfilling prophecy:

You then begin to have a horrible attitude and outlook on life.

You then begin to lose faith in humanity. Moreover, you have thoughts such as:

  • All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.
  • The world is a crappy place.
  • I’ll never amount to anything.
  • Life sucks.

5. Adverse things then begin happening in your life.

Adverse things begin to happen in your life. Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, and you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities.

Moreover, all the while, your bullies are watching and smiling. Why? Because all that is happening to you is confirming to them that you really are “a loser.”

Even worse is that you know, deep down inside, what they’re thinking. Bam! More of your self-esteem is smashed to bits.

6. What relationships you have left begin to suffer.

The people in your life don’t understand what is happening to you. Therefore, they begin to question you. Some may accuse you of having a bad attitude. Also, some may accuse you of being stubborn or defiant when you’re really shutting down.

Therefore they become disappointed in you and eventually stop believing in you.

7. Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

Goals that were once easy to attain seem to become unreachable.

Schoolwork or work projects that were once easy for you suddenly become difficult. This is because you’re in survival mode. In other words, you’re too busy looking over your shoulder and trying to survive bullying to learn anything or concentrate on work projects.

After all, your brain can only do so much at once. Again, you learn and concentrate on work using your logical brain. Therefore, when the survival part of your brain turns on, the part involved in learning and concentration shuts down.

8. You become exhausted.

Living in survival mode wipes you out after so long. You become both mentally and physically tire and fatigued.

Sadly, others may accuse you of being lazy when you’re actually exhausted.

9. learned helplessness.

Finally, you stop trying at anything. Period. Your bullied and everyone else have convinced you that you’re doomed to fail and live in misery. Therefore, you unintentionally live up to their expectations.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. It starts with negative thought patterns. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.

However, know that it isn’t your fault. So, don’t blame yourself.

People consistently bombard you with negativity and every kind of abuse. And they’ve done it repetitiously.

In fact, they’ve already convinced everyone else that you’re evil, worthless, and foolish. However, it seems they’re breaking their backs, trying their damnedest to convince you of it too.

Negative self-fulfilling prophecy:

Still, You must take responsibility for your own well-being!

Because, every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Again. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

However, this doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility to yourself.

You must train your brain to re-frame everything these creeps say and do. Moreover, you must train your brain to see through their behavior and see the intentions behind it.

And you must do it fast!

Otherwise, you’ll only start believing the crap that your bullies feed you. Then, you’ll to live up to it. Moreover, you’ll have a hard time controlling it or stopping it from happening.

See your bullies’ behavior and attempts to condition you. See The Attacks for what they are and what they’re intended to do.

Understand that bullies do all of this deliberately. Oh yes! There is both a method and a purpose behind it that’s either conscious or subconscious.

Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless. Moreover, they want to force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Why?

Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse and demands without protest. Moreover, if they can get you to believe you deserve the abuse, then you’re least likely to call them out or hold them accountable.

Therefore, they can continue to abuse you without any inhibitions. And they can do it with impunity.

Negative self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

Why else would they try to drum such garbage into your head a million and one times a day?

Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness and brutality, is a form of brainwashing. It’s not only physical, but it’s also psychological warfare.

In other words, it is designed to condition you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.

When you’re in a school or workplace full of bullies who loathe you and want nothing more than to destroy you, the psychology of it is akin to being stuck in a communist re-education camp.

It’s just as mind-altering as it is damaging.

this is because bullies spoon-feed you their bullshit repeatedly until your mind absorbs it and you end up believing it. They physically and emotionally beat you down. Next, they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it.

In other words, they repeatedly tell you that you asked for the abuse and made them hurt you.

  • You MADE ME hit you!
  • You MADE ME mad!
  • You MADE everybody hate you!

They blame you for their bad behavior when the truth is that you have no control over it. I want you to know this right now!

Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

You’re Not Responsible for their behavior!

You can’t control anyone else’s behavior. Only they have control over their actions. The only person’s behavior you can control is your own. Always remember that!

Again, start training your brain to resist these gaslighting statements!

Again, if you aren’t careful, this repetition of bullying, abuse, and gaslighting will brainwash you. You’ll internalize it and be convinced of it.

Once your bullies finally convince you that you’re the lowest form of life on Earth, you will adopt a poor attitude and begin behaving in a way that matches your new beliefs about yourself. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.

I can’t stress this enough!

  • You’ll stop believing in yourself.
  • You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
  • Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
  • You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
  • You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
  • You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
  • You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
  • You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
  • You may use drugs to fit in or to dull the pain.

And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is if you ever realize it.

Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

Bullying will change your life- either for better or worse.

It’s hard! I completely get that. It’s damn hard to keep loving yourself when you’re surrounded by people who hate you.

Moreover,  I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself when it seems that no one else does. And I realize that it’s overwhelming to continue trying when everyone else is constantly telling you to give up- that you’ll never make it.

Believe me. I empathize with you because I was there and I almost gave up.

  • I attempted suicide in the eighth grade and almost didn’t make it.
  • I almost dropped out of school during the eleventh grade.
  • I almost lost hope.

I did some desperate things back then- things that could have gotten me arrested or worse- killed!

However, if I’d held on to my love for and belief in myself, there’s no doubt that I would’ve spared myself a lot of pain.

But I eventually got mad- at myself! And when I got mad, I became determined that they weren’t going to destroy the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let them.

That’s what you have to do- get mad. Get determined. Dig in your heels and double down. Be determined not to lose yourself. Don’t let them destroy the parts of yourself that matter.

Don’t let them take your person-hood!

Because if you give into your bullies and cave into believing what they tell you, it will become a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. You’ll end up living up to everything they tell you. That’s not what you want.

You don’t want to give your bullies any more satisfaction than they’ve already gotten at your expense. No way!

Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

Why are they so hell-bent on making you believe their lies?

  • Because they want to brainwash you.
  • Bullies want is to break your spirit.
  • Their end goal is to bring you so low that you never recover.
  • If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
  • Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you, and in a vast majority of cases, it works!

Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life. Therefore, don’t let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating, and bitter attitude.

On the other hand, having confidence, loving yourself, and having a positive attitude will bring good things into your life. It may take a while but be patient! It will happen!

This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen anyway because they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. And it happens to all of us.

However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have victories- and more of them than losses.

Attitude does attract things into your life. Like attracts like. How I wish I’d know this when I was young.

This post was all about the negative self-fulfilling prophecy so that you can stop them before they happen by re-training your thought patterns.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

5. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

how to deal with friendship betrayal reddit

How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal: 6 Tips You Should Know

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‘Want to know how to deal with friendship betrayal? Here are several ways to do so that you need to know about.

how to deal with friendship betrayal

Victims of bullying are most susceptible to betrayal by those who masquerade as friends. Why? Because they’re vulnerable.  Moreover, this vulnerability comes from the intense longing for friendship.

Predators know this. Therefore, many victims of bullying end up attracting abusers and users who only exploit vulnerability for their own ends.

In this post, you will learn how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can confidently cut ties and come away from it with your dignity intact.

Once you learn all about these life-lessons, you will be able to better protect your dignity and self-esteem from being ravaged by predators, bullies, and fake friends.

This post is all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can love yourself enough to walk away from friendships that hurt and raise your self-esteem.

How to Deal with FRIENDSHIP Betrayal

At different times in our lives, we’ve all experienced friend betrayal. Someone we thought was a friend did the unthinkable.

It’s bad enough to get played by an enemy. However, it’s something you expect from a foe.

It hurts much worse when you’re screwed over by a friend because you trusted this person. You may have even loved them. Again, you expect things like this from an enemy, but never a friend.

Therefore, when an enemy strikes against us, it’s much easier to deal with. However, when it’s someone we trusted and thought highly of, the pain is much worse. In fact, it can be devastating.

Once someone you trusted has betrayed you, it can be hard to trust anyone else who comes into our lives. And this goes for even those who may be sincere. When we meet new people thereafter, we proceed with caution and regard others with suspicion. This isn’t good either.

Why? Because, when we allow a past betrayal to cause us not to trust, we only push away those who may be sincere. We, in a sense, give the creep who betrayed us power over our future relationships.

In fact, you believe that anyone who smiles at you has an ulterior motive. Therefore, you keep them at arm’s length. You allow the fear of being hurt cause you to push others away. As a result, your relationships suffer.

Here are healthier ways to deal with friend betrayal.

1. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Never Give The Person Who Betrayed You Power over your Future Relationships

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of risks.  In fact, everything we do comes with risk, whether it’s going for a walk or driving to the supermarket.

However, you wouldn’t stop driving because of the chance of having an automobile accident. And you wouldn’t stop going for a walk because of the chance of getting mugged.

So, why would you refuse to meet and make friends because of the chance of them betraying you? Again, life’s full of risks and you can’t allow fear to stop you from living. You must live life and you must live it to the fullest!

Therefore, continue to meet new people and make new friends. Never allow the creep who betrayed you to have power over your future relationships. In other words, don’t let betrayal cause you to distrust humanity and shut new people out! That’s a recipe for misery!

New people will come into your life and you must give them a chance. Don’t make them pay a debt they don’t owe.

2. When a friend betrays you, look at it as a revelation.

If they blow that chance, it’s on them. Moreover, they only reveal their true colors.

However, continue to give new people a chance. Continue to take the risks.

The point is this. Anytime a so-called friend betrays you, they show you who they are. Therefore, the best you can do is to drop the person and move on to someone who’s deserving of your time. Understand that your time and your company are valuable.

Moreover, you shouldn’t waste it with some chump who doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. So, ditch and switch, baby!

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

IT Isn’t the Bullies Who hurt you the most, it’s those you thought were your friends.

Again, bullies are people you expect to do bad things to you. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions comes as no surprise.

What hurts more than anything is the betrayal– when those you think are friends so quickly believe the lies and rumors your bullies spread. And they seem to do it without question.

The pain of it is akin to being kicked in the stomach. Moreover, your so-called friends never have your back. Some may even the power to stop the bullying and protect you.

But, for some reason, they refused and only threw you under the bus.

What it’s like to have true friends

Friends are the people who believe the best of you. They have your back any time someone attacks you. Moreover, they’ll speak on your behalf when another person badmouths you behind your back but in front of them.

Even better, they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

However, many victims of bullying have friends who don’t really accept them. They only tolerate them. Therefore, instead of sticking up for them, they’ll go along with the bullies. They’ll believe the lies about you, without bothering to ask you first!

Get away from these people. Fast! Because they’ll only sell you out!

How to Deal with Friendship betrayal:

Would you rather be harmed by a bully or someone you think is a friend?

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with. Why? Because, from a bully, you expect nothing more.

However, it’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think highly of. When everyone bullies you, you’ll often keep fake friends around because you think they’re the only options you have. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Because bullies have turned everyone against you and made it difficult for you to make friends, you may feel that you can’t afford to be selective. That you must settle for the friends you have, even if they treat you like you’re last choice.

I say this from experience. The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small.

I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers. We haven’t had enough life-experiences yet.

3. Be concerned with quality of friends, not quantity.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends. However, they don’t realize that real friends are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

Why? Because they’ll have your back. They’re the people who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions.

4. How to deal with friendship Betrayal:

When you meet new people, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Wonder if you’re going to like them.

When you meet a new person for the first time, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Start wondering whether you are going to like them. This is how you place value on yourself.

Begin choosing who you let in and who you give the boot. If a friend betrays you somehow, stop having anything to do with them. Then keep it moving.

Betrayal in any form is a deal-breaker and you must handle it by telling the traitor to hit the road.

5. Know what you want in a friend and don’t settle for anything less.

Anything less than what you want is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue you should look for. If the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy of your time!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who believe falsehoods about you, then get angry and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were!

Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

You may ask, “Well, if they never were my friends, why did they stick around?”

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And if that’s the case, why would you settle for someone’s pity?

Here’s another possibility. Maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves.  You were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

Therefore, if you have friends who don’t stand with you. In other words, if they fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life.

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

6. Be willing to be alone until better friends find you.

You’re better off without them. You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while.

Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be overly suspicious, only nonchalant.

Why? Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you. They’ll try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

Moreover, they will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things. Also, they’ll find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? To report back to your bullies with.

Here are ways that you can pick up on peoples’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you.

 Just do it without looking like you’re watching. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment. This is how you’ll read the room. Moreover, you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room, if there is one.

2. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context.

Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with their words, background, or the situation, ditch these losers! If they show even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes.

There are always those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. If they do realize it, they’ll give those when they think you aren’t aware of it. You can’t afford to miss these giveaways!

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong. However, there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. Even the best fakers have no control over these little tells. So, if you look for them, you’ll see them.

For example, when you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you’re not imagining things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet.

You can tell a lot by the feet! The person might be talking to you and facing you. However, if their feet are pointing away from you, they aren’t the friend you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person.

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the meeting and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking

if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt. Also, they may be trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for

Things you should look for also include, a furrowed brow, one corner of the upper lip slightly raised or an icy, piercing stare. Also notice if the person is smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes).

If you see any of these signs,  you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away

Also a sign of contempt. Therefore, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly. Don’t reveal information that’s better off private.

Also, don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for eavesdroppers

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Also, don’t talk near corners or open doors.

Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Therefore, be alert when people walk by.

If you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and they aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

In Conclusion:

How you handle friendship betrayal is to get rid of the so-called friend who betrayed you. And do it without explanation.

Now, many fake friends will notice when you stop associating with them. Moreover, they’ll come ask you why you won’t talk to them. Then you can tell them why. But tell them in as few words as possible.

 However, expect the person to gaslight you. Why? Because it’s what most fakes do once you get wise to their BS.

But don’t fall for it. Stuck to your guns and have no more to do with them. Then be willing to be alone for a while until you meet and befriend better people. Have faith. Better friends will come along. I promise!

This post was all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can move on with dignity and self-respect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

2. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

target vs victim bullying

Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

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‘Want to know the difference between target vs victim of bullying? Here’s why the words you choose have the power to determine what you are.

target vs victim

Are  you a target or victim? If people have made you an object for bullying, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? Also, could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat?

You may not know it. But, maybe, your voice and your very being are powerful?  So powerful, it scares them to death?

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference of a target vs victim so that you can know which category you fall into and how to empower yourself.

Once you learn this important information, you will be prompted to make a few mental changes and feel more powerful.

This post is all about how to distinguish between target vs victim of bullying so that you can decide which one you’d like to be.

Target vs Victim

Which one are you?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power. In other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Victim mentality only hurts you. It is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you defeated and oppressed. Therefore, it keeps you a “victim.”

1. The term “Victim” Breeds Laziness.

Why? Because it keeps you in the mindset that you are powerless to do anything about your situation. Therefore, if you feel powerless, you’re least likely to try.

Powerless means that, no matter how hard you try, your situation will remain the same. So, you’ll see no point in putting in the effort to bring about change. And you’ll become to lazy to even try.

Therefore, you’ll only resign yourself out of hopelessness and learned helplessness. Resignation can only bring laziness.

Why? Because, when you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality. And you do so by making your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes.

All this requires that you take risks and face the possibility of failure.  And yes! It’s scary!

However, you must create your own happiness and your own power. Whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

2. Target vs Victim:

The word “Victim” keeps you dependent.

In other words, when you’re a victim, you’re at the mercy of someone else. Moreover, it means that another person has to come rescue you. Here’s where dependency comes in.

Therefore, you must be your own hero. When you’re bullied, the only person you can depend on is you! Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to ensure our own safety, happiness, and successes.

3. The term “victim” reeks of inferiority.

When you view yourself as a victim, subconsciously, you feel inferior. It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person and that’s wrong!

Therefore, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! You have more power than you know. Therefore, you can change your situation.

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

You’re not a victim. Yes, you may feel like a victim. But are you really?

This comes from personal experience.

The memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying). However, was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. However, I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours.

Being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But, one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to turn you against yourself.

Why? Because that’s what they want and you deserve better. Much better!

Therefore, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope.

Target vs Victim:

Which would you rather be?

Many people are under the assumption that being a target and being a victim are one and the same. However, they’re quite different and have different meanings.

Notice the difference in the actual meanings between the terms, “target” and “victim.”

A target is a mark you aim at- as in a shooter aiming his gun at targets at a gun shooting range for practice.

A victim is a person or animal who others kill and sacrifice. When someone is sacrificed, they assume the blame and punishment for the sins and shortcomings of others.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Words have enormous power- more so than most realize. Therefore, stop using the word “victim” to describe yourself. Use the word “target” instead.

Being a target is much more empowering than being a victim.

4. There’s no power in being a victim.

A target can defend themselves, whereas, a victim cannot. A victim is powerless to do anything about their situation. There’s no power nor dignity in being a victim.

However, when a person is a target, they maintain some power and dignity. In that, they lessen the impact of the bullying on their mental health.

Therefore, if you can change the way you view yourself and see your bullies exactly for who and what they are, they will have little control over you. Moreover, you’re less likely to allow their words and behavior to get into your head.

Target vs victim:

A target is a mark. a victim is prey.

In other words, a target is a person chosen by bullies as a perceived enemy to attack. On the other hand, a victim is a person bullies harm, oppress, and destroy.

The word victim says that you don’t stand up for yourself. You only capitulate. But the word target says that, although people attack you on a regular basis, you don’t give into fear. Moreover, you stand up for yourself no matter what it may cost you.

Your Choice of Words Can Have Consequences You Don’t Realize

When you view yourself as a victim, you give your bullies exactly what they want. You hand them power over your life.

You, in a sense, surrender yourself. Consequently, you will most likely to suffer physical and/or psychological damage.

On the other hand, when you see yourself as a target, you won’t acquiesce. You’re least likely to take the bully’s behavior personally. Moreover, when you have a target mentality instead of a victim mentality, you buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

Therefore, you salvage your overall mental health. You maintain your personal power. And ultimately, you take control of your life and refuse to allow anyone to make you, their victim.

For example, I’ve witnessed both in movies and in real life, incidences of bullying where the bully would tell the target, “I’m going to make you, my bitch!” In other words, his victim.

This should give you a better understanding of why you should see yourself as a target rather than a victim. Because you are nobody’s bitch! Nope! You’re no bitch at all! You are a fighter, a warrior, a lion!

5. Target vs victim:

Victims surrender. Targets keep fighting!

Realize that your bullies’ goal is to control you. And if you see yourself as a victim, you weaken yourself. Thus, you play right into your bullies’ hands. But when you see yourself as a target and refuse to become a victim, you refuse to allow them to take control over your life.

Therefore, you keep fighting. You stand up for yourself. You may get knocked down, but you don’t stay down. Therefore, you always get back up again.

You’re a Target, Not a Victim!

It’s not my intention to minimize any suffering you’ve endured at the hands of your bullies. Bullying hurts, no doubt about it! And I feel your pain.

So, know that everything you’ve gone through is real. Your story is valid and worthy to be told and heard.

However, I want you to understand this. If you’re the object of bullying, you are a target, yes. However, you don’t have to be a victim.

Victims are scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. Targets refuse to be.

Think about it, victims accept responsibility for things they have no control over. They take blame for evils they never committed nor took part in. And when they carry these burdens that aren’t theirs to carry, they end up paying debts they don’t owe.

Here’s an example. A bully blames his target for his own anger, insecurity, jealousy, and incompetence. And it comes out in the bully’s behavior when he bullies that person. Then later the bully and others may gaslight the target when he speaks out.

Another example would be that a rapist wants to make their rape target responsible for their own sexual frustration. Then, later, the target is presumed to be at fault for the rapist’s behavior by the defense attorneys in court.

However, instead of accepting the blame, both of these people continue to stand up for themselves. This is target behavior.

Victim behavior would be if they surrendered and accepted blame for their tormentors’ behavior.

target vs victim:

A Target Endures Bullying but Refuses to Become a Victim

Sure, people hurl blame at targets just as they do at victims. However, the difference between a victim and a target is that the victim accepts the blame.

Moreover, he blames himself for what happened to him then spirals downhill into depression, regret, and self-hatred. On the other hand, a target refuses to accept the blame because he knows with every fiber of his being that his attackers are the ones in the wrong.

He sees his attackers for the cowards they are. Therefore, he sees the incessant gaslighting as proof that they’re full of shit. Moreover, he understands that they’re only trying to cover their butts to keep from being exposed.

A target won’t allow his attackers to make them a victim!

‘You see? It’s all in how you see yourself. And how you see yourself is determined by the inner dialogue you have. In other words, the words you use have ways of shaping the way you think.

Moreover, the words you speak to yourself are the difference between living in heaven or hell. In other words, they determine whether you have self-love and acceptance or depression and self-loathing.

Words also decide whether you continue to stand strong despite the attacks and pain bullies inflict, or whether you succumb to them.

Therefore, you must see yourself as a target but never a victim!

This post is all about the difference of target vs victim so that you can distinguish between them and chose to empower yourself no matter how difficult bullies make things for you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

empowerment definition

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

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‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode.  Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

 Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

  • Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
  • Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
  • Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

  • When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
  • If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
  • If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

glimmers psychology

Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

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‘Want to know about glimmers and how they can help you heal from bullying? Here’s everything you need to know about these tiny little blessings!

glimmers

If you’re a victim of bullying, you need more glimmers and less triggers. That much is obvious. However, you may be wondering what glimmers are. Also, you may wonder how you use them to balance out the negative in your life and heal from bullying.

Well, you’re in luck because it’s easier than you might think!

In this post, you will learn all about glimmers. You’ll learn what they are and how they can help you heal from bullying or any other trauma. Also, you’ll learn how you can collect as many of them as humanly possible so that you can raise your mood and confidence levels.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be better able to raise your self-esteem, confidence, and happiness quotient. Moreover, you will be able to heal from and rise above bullying and live a much more peaceful life.

This post is all about glimmers and how they can totally change your life.

What are glimmers?

They are the opposite of triggers. Glimmers are those tiny, beautiful moments that make you feel safe, happy and calm. You can use them to heal from trauma.

And here’s the best part! Glimmers are easy to find. They’re everywhere! All you have to do is look for them.

They help you to heal from bullying or any traumatic event. Glimmers are those tiny reprieves that make you feel ALIVE!

Again, they help to balance out all the negativity in your life. In fact, if you can have an equal or greater number of glimmers than triggers, you can quickly begin recovering from bullying and other traumas in your life.

Finding That Healthy Balance Between Positive and Negative Experiences

Everyone has both positive and negative experiences, especially with others if they’re victims of bullying and abuse. This can determine their level of confidence and self-esteem.

The trick is to keep the positive either equal to or higher than the negative. This is where looking for and finding the glimmers comes in.

When targets of bullying feel hopeless and pushed to the breaking point, it means that they’ve had too many negative experiences with people. In fact, they’ve had so many that any positive experiences they once had become irrelevant.

Think of confidence and self-esteem as a bank account. If others bully a child nonstop for long enough, their positive account can quickly be depleted. Any more and it plunges into the negative.

Therefore, if you’re a parent and your child is a victim of bullying at school, you must help them find their glimmers.  In other words, help them deposit “money” into their confidence banks every day.

Glimmers should equal or outnumber the triggers.

If you give them words of encouragement and love. Those are glimmers. Moreover, you can also contribute a few more by teaching them the importance of confidence.

 The key is to create plenty of positive experiences for your child.

Again, positive words, actions, and experiences must equal or outnumber the negative ones they get from bullies at school. Only then will you repair their self-esteem, and help them regain confidence.

Finally, once confidence is restored, you child will be better able to combat bullies and, possibly, cease to be a target.

Talking about the abuse and getting it out in the open does help with healing. However, it only does so much. Therefore, if you want to help your child keep their self-esteem and confidence, you must help them create positive experiences (glimmers).

And they must be either equal to or more than the negative experiences they get from being the victim of bullies.

Help them establish friendships outside of the bullying environment. This will create wonderful memories. These are also glimmers and they’re the best kind of therapy there is.

Glimmers are everywhere if you look for them. And there’s an endless supply of them. Help your child catch as many as possible, then teach them to look for them. Do these things and you will succeed in helping them restore their confidence.

Just the same, if you’re the one being bullied, you must do the above for yourself.

Glimmers can turn a crappy life into a happy life.

To find the glimmers, you must look for them. However, once you begin looking for them, you’ll see them everywhere.

Examples

Here are several examples of glimmers.

  • The first big snow of the winter season.
  • Watching a beautiful sunrise.
  • Visiting a friend or family member you haven’t seen in a long time.
  • Seeing a shooting star.
  • Catching a firefly and setting it free.
  • Watching fireflies at night.
  • Sitting outside at night under the stars.
  • Lying in the grass during the day and watching those billowy, cumulus clouds.
  • Falling into a huge pile of fallen Autumn leaves.
  • Cuddling a puppy or a kitten.
  • Spending time cooking with your mother.
  • Camping out with your dad.
  • Shopping with your grandma.
  • Watching a rainbow.
  • Sipping hot cocoa in front of a bonfire on a chilly autumn evening.
  • Smelling a rose.
  • Listening to a cat purr.
  • Blooming flowers in the spring.
  • Fall foliage.
  • Listening to a nostalgic song.
  • The smell of incoming rain.
  • Working in a garden.
  • A cool breeze on a warm spring day.
  • Lying on a sunny beach.

I could go on and on…

Breaking it Down.

Let’s use a few on the above list as examples and explain why this works so well.

1. Sitting outside at night under the stars is a beautiful and peaceful experience. It allows you to forget all your troubles and just be in the moment. Just imagine it!

As you gaze up at the stars and listen to the crickets, you feel a gentle breeze blow and hear the leaves lightly rustle in the trees.

It’s peaceful moments like that that help you to forget all your trauma and be present, if only for a short moment.

2. Cuddling a puppy or kitten can also help reverse triggers and turn them into glimmers. Just imagine holding that cute baby animal. Think about the small puppy licking you in the face or listening to that tiny kitten purring as you stroke it’s fur.

Again, this allows you to forget all your troubles and live in the moment. Your attention is focused solely on that sweet baby animal in your arms and not the trauma you suffered in the past.

This is how glimmers heal and energize you. Life is short! Therefore, catch as many glimmers as humanly possible!

You Must Train Yourself to look for the glimmers.

In other words, instead of focusing on the triggers – the bad things, search for the glimmers. And once you do, you’ll find them everywhere. Moreover, you’ll be able to create them!

What are the benefits?

Glimmers bring a sense of safety and security. Moreover, they provide a sense of calm and tranquility. In that, they make you feel peace, joy and happiness.

Glimmers are signs of hope!

Here are other things they do. They relieve stress and improve your well-being. They also spark feelings of gratitude.

Glimmers vs Triggers

As mentioned earlier, glimmers are the exact opposite of triggers. Triggers are signals of danger. On the other hand, glimmers signal safety.

Triggers make you feel threatened. Glimmers bring feelings of protection. The former makes you feel anxious. The latter, relaxed.

Triggers throw you into survival mode, whereas, glimmers place you in thriving mode. Triggers only stir you up. Glimmers calm you down.

A sense of panic comes from triggers. Glimmers foster a sense of calm. Triggers make you angry or upset. Glimmers make you feel happy and at peace.

Triggers prepare you for a hostile environment, whereas, glimmers get you ready for one that’s peaceful.

The former crashes your mood. The latter significantly lifts it. In short, glimmers improve your overall mental health!

Therefore, look for the glimmers, especially if people bully you. Although bullying can leave you in a very dark place, if you look for the glimmers, they can be tiny flickers of light in the darkness. It is those tiny flickers that can make a huge difference in your life!

Where did the term come from?

Glimmers is a fairly new term that comes from Deb Dana, psychologist and author of “Polyvagal Theory and the Rhythm of Regulation.” She teaches trauma victims how to counteract their triggers using glimmers.

Therefore, find the glimmers and use them to heal and overcome bullying and abuse. I can tell you that I’ll be actively looking for them from here on out!

This post was all about glimmers and what they are. Also, it was about how you can use them to benefit your mental health and buffer yourself from the onslaught of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Effects Mental Health

3. Make New Friends: 11 Insanely Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

4. How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

5. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

benefits of self-respect in relationships

Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

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‘Want to know all the benefits of self-respect? Here are eighteen life-changing things that happen when you begin treating yourself well.

benefits of self-respect

Having self-respect can gain you so many advantages in life. It allows you to create the life you want because you know you deserve it. Moreover, others can sense when you have respect for yourself. Therefore, they’re more likely to treat you better.

In this post, you will learn all about the benefits of self-respect and how it can change your life for the better.

Once you learn all these amazing advantages, it will prompt you to treat yourself better and be more choosy of the people you let in your life.

This post is all about the benefits of self-respect and what you must do to treat yourself better.

So, what are the benefits of self-respect?

Self-respect or self-worth is acknowledgement of your own value. In other words, you know your worth and the good you bring to this world and to the people around you.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to assert your value, your interests, and your right to exist. This means that you also stand up for your right not to be harmed. You know with every fiber of your being that you have dignity and are just as good as the next person.

We show that we have self-respect by what we put up with from others. Therefore, if you put up with shabby treatment from others, you have less or no self-respect. Other people will notice and they’ll begin walking all over you.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to stand up to those who try to mistreat you and set boundaries, than you have lots of it and others will also take notice and they’re likely to treat you well.

You understand that you teach others how to treat you. Therefore, you don’t take any crap from anyone because you believe you deserve better.

And, it is because of this belief that you won’t accept bad treatment from anyone and aren’t afraid to cut a few people out of your life if they keep it up.

This means you have self-respect. Therefore, when you have it, you reap the following benefits.

1. You Have Confidence.

You’re not afraid to live life on your terms and you don’t settle for less than what you want. You have confidence in yourself and in your abilities.

Moreover, you have confidence in God and know that he put you here for a great purpose!

2. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You have Independence.

You do your own thing and aren’t the least bit concerned with how people think about it. Also, you make your own choices and trust those decisions!

You live your life fearlessly and on your own terms! Now that’s what you call freedom!

3. You have Healthy Self-esteem.

You know you’re not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Therefore, you’re completely okay with all your flaws, shortcomings and imperfections.

Moreover, you hold yourself in high regard and refuse to let anyone chip away at your self-esteem. You love yourself. Therefore, you know who you are and what you deserve.

4. You enjoy Better Relationships.

Because you respect yourself, others also respect you. Because you have boundaries, others are least likely to cross them. Therefore, you have better relationships with others.

5. You’re Not afraid to set Goals.

You set goals because you believe in yourself and know that you can accomplish them. Moreover, you realize that the going may get tough and you may have to trudge through a few valleys.

However, you know your own strength. You’re tenacious. In other words, no matter how rough things get, you’ll refuse to give up and that you’ll reach those goals eventually.

6. You set boundaries without fear or guilt.

When some bully tries to cross a boundary, you’re real quick to tell them to back up. You refuse to accept vile treatment from others.

Gaslighting and manipulation will not work on you because you see them as they happen. Therefore, you’re able to shut them down before they have any effect on you.

As a result, bad people will think twice before crossing you and they’ll go find another victim. Even better, others will take notice of it and they won’t try any funny business either.

7. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You live a Healthier Lifestyle.

When you have self-respect, you also have respect for your body. Therefore, you feed it healthy foods rather than junk that will only make you sick and shorten your life.

Moreover, you exercise regularly and keep in shape.

8. You aren’t afraid to take risks.

When you want something, you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to get it. In other words, you’re willing to face rejection in sales. However, that won’t stop  you.

You’ll only move onto the next potential buyer until you make the sale.

9. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re more likely to have success at work.

Because you respect yourself, your bosses and coworkers are also more likely to respect you. Also, they’ll more likely give you opportunities for promotion and bonuses.

10. You don’t settle for less than what you want.

You know what you want and what you deserve. Therefore, you won’t take anything less.

It may take a while, but you will eventually get the thing you want because you won’t give up on it. You believe you can get it. Therefore, you go for the prize!

11. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You don’t allow Yourself to get sucked into drama.

Respecting yourself means protecting your peace from those who wish to disrupt it. So, when some troublemaker starts any drama with you, you won’t have time for it.

Therefore, you’ll only either quietly dismiss them or you’ll tell them to F all the way off and keep it moving.

12. You’re selective of the people in your life.

You only want positive people in your life. In other words, you only want to be around those who lift you up and bring positive vibes.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to kick out the Negative Nancys and Debbie Downers who only drag you down.

You understand that life’s too short to deal with drama. Therefore, you aren’t afraid to eradicate it from your life.

13. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You say no without apology.

You have boundaries and you know that saying no is how you maintain those boundaries. Therefore, you say it without guilt or apology. Why?

Because you understand that no is the most powerful word in the English language. It’s how you live your life on your terms.

Moreover, you understand that holding your boundaries is an ongoing and never-ending thing.

14. You know who you are and you’re okay with it.

In other words, you allow yourself to make mistakes and you don’t toil over them. You view mistakes as the best teachers and understand that they’re how you learn powerful lessons.

Moreover, you don’t allow anyone else to define you. In other words, if bullies and abusers try to convince you that you’re a nobody, you understand that they can’t possibly know you better than you do.

Therefore, you dismiss their drivel and keep feeling good about yourself.

15. You believe in yourself.

You know in your heart that you have the ability to make shit happen. Therefore, you work hard to achieve your goals and dreams without letting any roadblock or setback stop you.

And you don’t stop until you attain those goals and dreams.

16. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re happy and at peace.

Best of all, you’re happy and at peace with yourself. Though you may have some days when you may feel a little down, in general, you’re a happy person. Why?

Because you know that although things may look bleak today, things will be much better tomorrow. Therefore, you have hope for better things to come. And you strongly believe that life will work itself out.

17. You don’t need anyone’s approval.

You’re perfectly fine with the person you are and don’t need validation from anyone else. You know that your own approval is all you need besides that of those who love you.

Moreover, you understand that not everyone will like you and you’re okay with it because there are people that you can’t necessarily care for either.

In other words, you know that life doesn’t depend on who does or does not like you. You have enemies as everyone does and you’re okay with it. Why?

Because you understand that enemies can be a reflection of your virtues and not your shortcomings.

18. You have the ability to cope.

You realize that things go wrong and that it’s all a part of life. Therefore, you have the ability to cope with it and even accept it when adverse things happen. You respect yourself enough to keep in mind that things do eventually get better.

This post was all about the benefits of self-respect and what you can do to treat yourself well and grab some of those advantages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

5. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

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‘Want to know all about standing up to bullies and what happens when you do? Here’s how bullies react when you stand up to them and why you should feel good about it.

standing up to bullies

In movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

However, you should feel good about it because, when they act out, your bullies are only revealing themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about standing up to bullies and how they react when you finally do. Moreover, you will learn why you should welcome their reactions and how those reactions expose bullies for who they are.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be able to speak out confidently and handle it properly when your bullies react.

This post is all about standing up to bullies and everything that comes with it.

Standing up to Bullies

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and I understand completely. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk. However, it’s often worth the risk and you end up thanking yourself later.

Just the same, you need to know what to expect once you’ve had enough and decide to take a stand.

If people bully you left and right, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back to you.

Neither will they bow out of your life gracefully. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over you. Why? Because, without that power, they feel lost.

Realize that bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. And since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way left to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Here are the tactics bullies use when you stand up for yourself:

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will do the following:

1. They will gaslight you

Bullies will add their spin to it. In other words, bullies will try to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They might accuse you of being too sensitive. Moreover, bullies may tell you, “I didn’t say it,” or “I didn’t do that.”

Understand that all this is designed to make you question yourself and feel like the villain. Therefore, learn how to recognize gaslighting when you hear it and protect your mind.

2. Standing up to Bullies:

They will lay guilt trips

In other words, your bullies might bring up a past favor they did for you. They may say, “after all I’ve done for you, this is how you thank me?”

Your bullies may not have done anything for you. Moreover, if they did, they only did it for obligation points they can use later.

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign

Bullies are experts at this. By recruiting followers to spread rumors and lies, your bullies use numbers to discredit you. Why? Because the more people they get to say bad things about you, the more likely stranger are to believe them.

They will also try to turn your friends against you. I say this from first-hand experience. Bullies did the same to me many times.

Moreover, it always came as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my rights to defend myself.

Therefore, expect your bullies to malign you to others. And know that they’re only retaliating by trying to destroy your good name and credibility.

4. They will turn your friends against you

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering. In other words, they attack your relationships. And they do this to isolate you by turning everyone against you.

There’s another objective to this as well. Once bullies turn all your friends against you, then, they can gather intimidate details about your life and weaponize them.

Think about it. Your friends likely know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would be the ones to know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to bullies.

5. Standing Up to Bullies:

They will project their shortcomings onto you

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

In other words, your bullies accuse you of the same rotten things they themselves are doing.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” or “Don’t look at me. Look at them!”

7. They will use Physical Violence.

If none of the previous six tactics work. They will use physical violence. However, they only use this as a last resort because bodily harm is the most detectable form of bullying.

Let’s break it down some more here.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

In other words, if your bullies can no longer have power over you, they will start smear campaigns and try to turn others against you. Understand that they do this to isolate you from everyone.

Bullies use these strategies to cover their backsides. Moreover, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself. And thirdly, they do it to close you off from any possible help or protection.

Once the bullies isolate you, they then move in for the kill. Now, they can do whatever they want to you. Moreover, they can do it freely and with impunity.

Why? Because if everyone is against you, the least likely they are to report the bullies or stop them from abusing you.

Remember, your bullies have succeeded in turning people against you. Now, no one can stand you. Therefore, in the minds of others, you deserve the abuse. You’ve got it coming and you’ve had it coming!

Therefore, hell will freeze over before anyone lifts a finger to help you. And this is exactly the outcome your bullies have been counting on.

Figuratively, Your bullies want to hold you hostage.

And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you on emotional lock down. This is how they keep you in your place.

Standing Up to Bullies:

Physical violence is usually a last ditch effort at power and control.

Sometimes, exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and smear campaigns fail to do the job. Or, they may lose their effectiveness and no longer have the impact your bullies intended for them to have.

Therefore, your bullies will then resort to physical violence. The physical violence will go one of two ways:

  • Bullies will commit the bodily harm themselves.
  • They will send someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

So, be strong. Be brave and know that none of it is your fault.

The Power Dynamic Shifts In Your Favor the Moment You Stand Up to Your Bullies

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately take your personal power back. At the same time, you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

In simplest terms, you flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle it when you stand up to them. Because they feel that they must always be in the position of power.

Standing up to Bullies:

Bullies can’t handle being stood up to by those they deem beneath them.

Bullies get angry enough when anyone stands up to them. However, if that person happens to be someone they deem inferior and who they’ve grown accustomed to abusing, this is when they really lose their marbles!

This is because you’re most likely on the bottom of the pecking order. And when you finally buck up and grow a backbone, you figuratively trade places with the bullies.

Therefore, you automatically put them on the bottom of the pecking order, if only for that moment. This is what the bullies can’t handle and it’s why they explode with rage.

Their unspoken message is:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who are you to stand up to me!”
  • “You’re supposed to be under me and here you are talking and acting like you’re OVER me!”
  • “The nerve!”
  • Who do you think you are!”

Bullies rely on force to get what they want from you.

In other words, they depend on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion. Bullies have been steamrolling people and getting what they want from them for a long time. In fact, they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve become arrogant and self-satisfied.

Therefore, when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and put your foot down, you can bet that it’s going to throw them off. And do you know what else it’s going to do?

It’s going to blast a huge hole in their ego. Moreover, it’ll shock the bejeebers out of them. Then the bullies will become highly PO’ed. In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll more than likely go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

If the bully is a person with narcissism (and most bullies are), they will go into narc*ssistic rage. And trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere around when this happens.

Standing up to Bullies:

Stand your ground but be prepared for anything.

It’s best to be prepared. Expect the unexpected.

When you finally grow a spine, expect your bullies to do anything to break it. Therefore, they escalate the bullying when you stop taking their crap.

Bullies have very delicate egos. Moreover, bullying always involves ego. So, any time you tell them to go kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority. Even worse, you put them into an inferior position and they know it.

In other words, bullies are very prideful and their pride takes a huge blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than to be made inferior, especially to a little peon like you.

Therefore, be prepared for a battle because your bullies will become vindictive. They’ll seek revenge and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

It doesn’t matter if your bullies were the ones who started it because, to them, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.

In other words,  don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. Furthermore, they don’t care that you only want to be left alone.

The only thing they are thinking at this moment is that you challenged them. You are a target and nothing more. In other words, you are beneath them. And you had the gall to undermine their (perceived) authority and superiority.

The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Keep Standing Up for yourself, no matter what!

In other words, if your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

Don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

You can do it! I believe in you!

This post is all about standing up to bullies, what to expect when you stand up to them, and why you should continue to stand firm no matter what.

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

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‘Want to know the 5 things to never do with a bully? Here are the top five mistakes you should never make with bullies so that you make yourself less vulnerable to them.

5 things to never do with a bully

The last thing you want is to give your bullies any ammunition they can use against you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the five top things to never do with a bully.

Once you learn all about this super-important information, you will be able to make yourself more bully-proof and keep them from trashing your self-esteem any more than they already have. Moreover, they just might end up seeing you as a lost cause and move on to an easier target.

This post is all about the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can preserve your right to be left in peace.

5 Things to never do with a bully

1. Never Apologize to a Bully.

For anything! Ever!

You must understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

2. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never Compliment a bully.

Trust me, bullies, especially the arrogant and puffed up type, get their boots licked enough.

They get false compliments and fake sympathy from their sycophants daily. How do you think they got so sickeningly full of themselves? Compliments should only be handed out to people who deserve them.

I learned this the hard way when I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

I remember seeing a girl in the cafeteria at lunch, and she was wearing a lovely dress. Naturally, I told her that it was a beautiful dress and that I liked it. And I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it.

However, it only fueled her arrogance. She only sneered at me and said,

“I know. So what? Nobody likes you, and you think kissing up changes things?”

You can imagine how heartbroken I was.

Few things uplift a person like a sincere compliment, which comes from the heart. However, a bully will only take your heartfelt compliment and steamroll you with it. They will only wipe their butts with it, then throw it back at you.

They may accept anyone else’s compliment. But if it comes for you, your bullies will only see it as ass-kissing.

Realize that a bully will only see it as confirmation that they are better than you. A bully will also think that you’re only trying to suck up to them to get them off your back.

A compliment to a bully is nothing more than an ego boost. And why not? Again, bullies are used to having most other classmates or coworkers bow down before them.

Moreover, it’s an opportunity for them to rake your dignity over the coals.

Instead, be the one who gives these life-suckers and happiness thieves a healthy dose of the real world. Be indifferent toward them- like you just don’t give a crap about them.

They may get angry because they may think people owe them allegiance, but you won’t give them the wrong impression. And, most importantly, you’ll walk away with your self-respect intact.

3. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never admit anything to a bully.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, bullies won’t give you margin for error. Therefore, it’s best never to admit any error’s in front of them.

4. Never share Secrets in the presence of a bully.

If you’re a target of bullying, understand that they’re just looking for any chance to reveal any embarrassing information about you. You must realize that they hate you and all they want to do is hurt you.

Even if the information is innocent, like watching a slasher film, it’s better to keep it to yourself. Therefore, this is a no-brainer. When people bully you, it’s just best to guard your secrets with your life!

5. Never reveal any of your plans.

This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying. Many people trumpet their goals and dreams.

Moreover, they announce their plans without realizing what ramifications it can bring. And, if you’re a target of bullying, all the more reason why you should keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself. Therefore, work quietly.

Understand that any time you broadcast your objectives, you place yourself at risk of others sabotaging you and trying to derail your plans.

Furthermore, your bullies are just waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own person failures and shortcomings.

Moreover, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior  to reach success and overshadow them.

5 Things to Never Do with a bully:

Your success is a threat to your bullies’ power.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

Why, because it’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! You force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight!

Understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration and when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. They will make a barrage of accusations. Also, they’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back in the shade.

But see through it and stay above it. They only do it because you’ve threatened their power. And when bullies face the threat of losing their power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

In other words, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities.

5 Things to never do with a bully:

Two More Bonus Answers

1. Never try to Prove Yourself to a bully

Yes, I added a sixth answer as a bonus.  You should never try to prove yourself to a bully. Ever!

Bullies don’t deserve for you to expend so much effort to prove anything to them. Why? Because they’re not worthy of your best. Only the people who truly love you, uplift you and are proud of the person you’re becoming deserve that.

Only the people who have your back and are in your cheering section are worthy of the kind of work you put in.

‘You see? Bullies are the type of people who must have a target. In other words, they must have power over someone, anyone, or they end up feeling inadequate and useless (but aren’t they already?).

Bullies have an insatiable hunger for power. If they don’t have it, it drives them nuts.

If you’re a target of bullying, you only try to prove yourself to those who could care less either way. Moreover, you’ll be on an endless and futile quest. You’ll end up wasting precious time, which is time better spent focusing and working on you.

Understand that no one can prove themselves to a bully. It’s impossible because bullies only see the negative in others. They never have anything positive to credit anyone but themselves.

In fact, the better, stronger, smarter, braver, and more awesome you are, the more threatened your bullies feel.  Therefore, the more they’ll attack you to tighten their grip on your life.

The Only person you have anything to prove to is yourself.

Bullies hate strength, they hate smarts, and they hate any positive quality in anyone else but them.  Moreover, they especially despise them in the person possessing them is their victim, if their good points surpass theirs.

To a bully, control isn’t just about forcing you to do what they want. It’s about controlling your mind- your thoughts, attitudes, and preferences. In short, it’s about controlling your life and having the power to ruin it.

It’s about having the power to break you and wear you down. Bullies get off on that power. And when you consistently bend over backward to prove yourself to them, all it does is show them that they still have power over you.

Because, if they didn’t already have it, you wouldn’t be trying so hard. In fact, you wouldn’t try at all because you wouldn’t give a crap what they thought.

Remember! You have nothing to prove to anyone other than yourself.

2. 5 Things to Never do with a bully:

Never Pander to them

I’ve seen so many victims non-victims pander, or, in laymen terms, suck up to bullies. Bullies can intimidate and threaten you. No doubt about it!

Therefore, anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? No. Here’s why.

1. It wouldn’t change things. Therefore, when you pander, you only give away more of your personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet.

And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. In other words, you may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

5 things to never do with a bully:

Pandering Only makes you feel worse later.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?”

Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is counterproductive in the end. However,  start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. It’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

What’s the best way to handle a situation like this?

You handle it by simply staying above it- by not reacting to the bullies’ foolishness. Moreover, you deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.

Put simpler, just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

In the meantime, continue to work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers. Therefore, the less roadblocks you will run into along the way.

And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it. Even better, you can give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

5 Things to never Do with a Bully:

In Conclusion:

Remember that you’re the target. Bullies and everyone else will see any of the above five behaviors as sucking up.

Moreover, when you do any of them, you only reveal possible weaknesses and leave yourself vulnerable. Therefore, it’s best to stay way away from these behaviors.

Realize that any time people target you for bullying, everyone will automatically expect the worst from you. Why? Because, sadly, people despise victims of bullying.

And no, it may not be justified. It may not be fair but neither is life. It is what it is and you must do everything you can to make the best of it. Avoiding these behaviors is how you make the best of it.

This post was a lesson in the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can keep the bullying you suffer to a minimum and spare your dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

what happens when you set boundaries in a relationship

What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

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‘Want to know what happens when you set boundaries? The good and the bad? Here are several things that come about when you finally stand up for yourself. Also, you’ll feel better knowing that the good vastly outweighs the bad!

what happens when you set boundaries

Setting boundaries is always good because it promotes respect among people and makes for a polite society where peace and harmony can exist.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when you set boundaries. Moreover, you will learn the good and the bad tasting (but good for you) results.

Once you learn all about this useful and important information, you will feel more compelled to set boundaries and take back your right to live in peace.

This post is all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can gather the courage to establish your own boundaries and take back your peace.

What happens when you set boundaries?

When you establish boundaries, you build an invisible fortress around yourself that protects you from abuse.  But first, lets discuss the good results.

1. You get to know yourself better.

When you set boundaries, you become much clearer on what you will and will not tolerate. Moreover, you become more familiar with your likes and dislikes. Thus, you get to know yourself better.

2. Your self-esteem will improve drastically

Once you begin setting boundaries, you’ll feel as if you accomplished a huge feat. Because, you will have!

Anytime you set boundaries after you’ve spent so much time not having any, you discover that you’ve made a huge step in taking back your autonomy!

Therefore, your self-esteem will get a huge boost and you’ll feel so much better about yourself. The people who care for you will say, “Look at you! You did it!”

You finally got sick of other people’s bullshit and put your foot down! Moreover, you stood up for yourself and told a few creeps where they could stick it!

That would sure make me proud of myself! And it will you too!

3. Toxic people will slowly disappear from your life.

Bullies and other such losers may challenge your boundaries at first. However, if you continue to stick to your guns and hold firm, they will, over time, give up and move on to an easier target.

Therefore, you’ll take back your peace and live a much happier life!

4. What happens when you set boundaries?

Your overall mental health will improve.

This is because, in setting boundaries, you protect your overall mental health. Therefore, the more you do this, the better for your psychological well-being.

Moreover, your mind will continue to improve over time the longer you continue to keep those boundaries in place.

5. You’ll be more selective in who you allow in your life

In other words, you’ll keep the bullies and abusers out of your life and only invite people who are positive and uplifting. Even better, you’ll do this without apology nor guilt because you’ll know without a doubt that you deserve better.

Now, before we go on, I realize that, in today’s society, people preach and squawk about “inclusion.” However, when people are bullying and abusing you, inclusion shouldn’t even come into it!

And this goes no matter what race, gender, religion, or orientation you or your bully or abuser may claim.

Abuse is abuse no matter who it comes from or who it’s aimed at. Therefore, you have every right to exclude from your life anyone who treats you like a doormat. You have a duty to yourself to protect your peace at all costs!

6. You’ll have more time for your own priorities.

In other words, you’ll make time for your own needs because you won’t allow users to take up so much of your time with their problems. Therefore, you’ll have more time for self-care and to pursue your own goals, priorities, and interests.

7. What happens when you set boundaries? You’ll be more determined not to go back to BS.

Once you taste a life free of bullying and abuse, you’ll be even more determined never to go back to being a doormat. Therefore, you’ll be more compelled to keep your boundaries in place and not allow anyone to stick so much as a toe over them.

You’ve been on both sides of the fence. In other words, you know what it’s like to have people shit on you every chance they get.

On the other hand, you’ve also discovered what it’s like to be treated well. Therefore, you’ll choose the side of greener pastures and never go back to the old life.

What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

6 Tactics Toxic People Use When You Finally establish limits

In movies and television, victims can stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, this is not reality in most cases.

However, don’t let that stop you. Think of it like this. When you’re sick, you must take medicine. The medicine may taste downright disgusting. However, you still must take it if you want to get well and return to optimal health.

It’s the same with setting boundaries. You may endure a lot of discomfort at first. However, you’ll thank yourself later!

With that said, you must realize that bullies and abusers will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back over to you, nor will they bow out of your life gracefully.

Remember that human predators have an insatiable need to wield power over others, and without that power, they feel lost.

Why? Because bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. Also, since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Make no mistake about it. Once you begin setting boundaries, they will do the following:

1. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and toxic people will gaslight you.

They’ll try to convince you that you’re in the wrong or that you’re becoming unhinged. Understand that they do this to make you doubt yourself and keep allowing them to abuse you.

They may tell you that you’re imagining things or that you’re just too sensitive.

Therefore, don’t fall for this bullshit! Don’t allow them to add their spin to make you feel like the bad guy. Know that you’re in the right and continue to stand firm.

2. They will lay guilt trips.

And they’ll do it by trying to convince you that you’re selfish or self-centered for not allowing them to mistreat you. Therefore, understand that bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Stick to your guns, no matter what they say!

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign.

Human predators may recruit followers to spread rumors and lies about you. These people will malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility.

Moreover, expect this to happen many times. Why? Because bullies and abusers are relentless. They don’t give up so easily.

They’re also vindictive. They will do these things out of retaliation for your having the gall to stand up to them and assert your rights.

But don’t give up! Keep your boundaries in place!

4. What Happens When You Set Boundaries?

Bullies and abusers will try to turn your friends against you.

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by dividing and conquering. In other words, they try to isolate you by attacking your relationships.

Think about it. Chances are that your friends know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to human predators.

Again, expect your bullies to do these types of things. Moreover, instead of caving in, let their antics prompt you to double down on your boundaries.

5. They will project their shortcomings onto you.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto you?

They will also do this for retaliation and to keep their power over you. Therefore, dig your heels even deeper and fight back twice as hard.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours.

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” Or, more appropriately, “Don’t look at me! Look at her!”

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

However, be resilient and keep your boundaries in place. Because eventually, they’ll give up and move on to someone who’s easier to control.

Understand that it will get worse before it gets better. You will get a ton of push-back and resistance when you first begin setting boundaries.

However, continue to hold firm no matter how hard your predators may make life for you. And know that eventually, they’ll grow tired and move on.

This post was all about what happens when you set boundaries so that you can know what to expect and continue to hold firm with toughness and grit.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some 

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?