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What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

April 2, 2025April 2, 20252 Comments

What does victim blaming look like? ‘Want to know exactly how to recognize when you’re being blamed for the bullying you suffer. Here are all the signs you need to know about.

Victim blaming is ugly in that it re-victimizes victims, over and over again.

Therefore, in this post is all the answers to the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can know how to recognize it when you see it and how to defend yourself against victim blaming behavior it when a bully tries it with you.

Once you learn to see it when it happens, you will better be able to call it out when it happens to you or anyone else.

This post answers the question, “What does victim blaming look like,” so that you can see victim blaming for what it is and tackle it immediately.

What does victim blaming look like?

Many times, when you call out or report bullying, your bullies will blame you for their despicable behavior just to take the guilt off themselves.

So, what is the definition of victim blaming?

According to Welsh Women’s Aid, “Victim blaming is any response that explicitly states or implies that the victim is to blame for the abuse they have experienced.”

In cases of bullying, Targets Never Become Targets Overnight

Victim blaming doesn’t only happen to victims of bullying, it can also happen to victims of crimes, such as rape and domestic assault. Moreover, the blame can come from the perpetrators, other people, or even law enforcement, who is supposed to help victims.

The same happens to victims of bullying as well. Bullies are notorious for blaming their victims for their atrocious abuse. However, blame can also come from peers, teachers, coworkers, supervisors and managers.

This happens especially when the bullying of a certain individual first begins. Therefore, if you’re beginning to see subtle signs of bullying by others, be very careful. Why?

Because, any time bullies select a potential target, they start out subtle and sweet with their bullying. The reason bullies are subtle at first is because they’re testing the waters. In other words, they’re probing you to see how you respond and if you’re an easy target.

If you overlook their behavior, or response too emotionally, your bullies will slowly move on to more obvious verbal abuse. However, if you respond the right way by being assertive and telling them in no uncertain terms to stop the behavior, they will leave you alone. Keep in mind that this only works in the early stages of bullying.

And sadly, most people don’t stand up for themselves in the early stages. Therefore, again, bullies progress to more blatant verbal abuse.

Your bullies may try to blame you. However, continue to stand strong. Don’t back down and refuse to accept blame. Then, eventually, they’ll leave you alone.

What Does Victim Blaming Look Like?

1. Bullies Ridicule You and tell you to “Get Over It.”

Bullies will ridicule you for the way you feel about their abuse. Moreover, they taunt you if you have the guts to call them out on it. But see them for who they are.

“Get over it!”
“Let it go!”
“Forget about it!”

Whatever way they say it, it usually means the same.

Realize that bullies are self-entitled turds who think you should just let them ride roughshod over you. Also, they believe that you’re wrong for even trying to defend against the abuse.

Maybe they know they’re in the wrong but don’t want you to notice it.

How many of you have been told to do either of these? As if you could just wiggle your nose and everything is peachy king. When you’ve been abused, you cannot just let it go. Healing takes time.

The emotions you feel won’t just go away. Even if you paint a smile on your face and pretend that nothing’s wrong, these feelings will still be there.

They’ll only simmer under the surface. Moreover, the more you try to stuff them down and bury them, the more damage it will cause.

Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way that you do.

Understand that the emotions you’re feeling are there for a reason. They warn you that something isn’t right. Realize that the anger and hurt won’t disappear overnight.

Know that the people who give you that kind of response do so out of ignorance and entitlement. Moreover, they only re-abuse you when they demand that you “get over it.”

In order to heal and get your life back again, you must allow yourself to feel those raw emotions. No, it isn’t comfortable. No one wants to feel pain.

However, you must go through it to come out on the other side of it. And while you’re moving through the pain, practice self-care.

Give yourself some TLC. Have self-compassion. It’s okay to not be okay and it’s okay to baby yourself.

Take a few days off. Lounge around the house in your pajamas if you want to. Eat your favorite treat or give yourself a good, sweaty workout.

Also, treat yourself to a spa-day, facial, new do, or a beach vacation. Your first priority is self-care, whatever that may be.

Last and most importantly, don’t shut up! Tell your bullies to take a long walk off a short pier.

Also, keep speaking out and standing in your truth. Self-care also means being your own advocate and if people don’t like it, too bad.

Put yourself first!

2. What does victim blaming look like?

Shifting focus from your bullies’ actions to your reactions.

This is a classic bully-move. Anytime you call attention to their disgusting behavior, your bullies try to distract others’ attention to the way you reacted to it.

Your bullies do this for three reasons.

To silence you.
To make you ashamed of defending yourself.
Also, to make you doubt your own judgement.
To discredit you.

Bullying thrives on secrecy. Therefore, bullies point out your reaction, hoping that you’ll shut your mouth. Therefore, keep talking.

3. Questioning the victim’s reactions.

Many times, when you defend yourself against bullying, people will question your reaction. They may ask, “Why didn’t you walk away when the bully hit you? You didn’t have to sink to their level by hitting them back.

However, bullies don’t honor someone who walks away. People may tell you to be the bigger person and walk away from the bully. But how do you know that your bully won’t sucker punch you the moment you turn your back?

Realize that bullies only understand strength. Therefore, strength is what you respond with. Punch their lights out!

You have to let them know that if they lay hands on you, there will be consequences.

4. What does victim blaming look like?

Bringing attention to the victim’s flaws and weaknesses.

Your bullies may say that your weight or your big ears are the reason you get bullied. They may make remarks such as, “Maybe if you weren’t such an oinker, no one would mess with you.”

Be that as it may, no one has the right to bully you. Ever!

Therefore, don’t fall that bullshit. Continue to stand your ground!

5. Trivializing the victim’s pain.

“It’s not that bad.” “Aw! It’s not the end of the world.” How many gave you one of these responses when you reported bullying and abuse or spoke out about it?

Understand that bullies say these things to trivialize your pain.

Therefore, don’t fall for that garbage! Your bullies aren’t the ones on the receiving end of the abuse. You are!

Again, don’t let them gaslight you! Keep standing up for yourself.

6. Removing the bully’s name.

For instance, instead of saying, “Billy beat Kelly up,” bystanders will say, “Kelly got beat up!”

Many times, the bully’s friends and followers will do this to protect their friend. Therefore, they cover for their buddy while taunting you because Billy beat the crap out of you.

7. What does victim blaming look like?

Suggesting that you had it coming.

Lots of times, when bullies abuse you, they’ll tell you that you had it coming. They may say that you made them do it.

They’ll make statements, such as,

“You ‘made me‘ or ‘make me’ hit you!”
“You ‘make‘ people want to hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me‘ hurt you!”
“Don’t ‘make me‘ mad!”

However, you must see all this for what it is. It’s all a way for your bullies to blame you and take the guilt off themselves.

Think about this. If they can make you take the blame for their abuse, then they get off Scot free. Moreover, they can make themselves look like the innocent victims while making you look like the bully.

8. Implying that you must have provoked the bully.

For example, if you’re bullied at school and you report it to the principal. The principal then asks you, “What did you do to make that boy attack you?”

Sadly, school staff tend to take the bully’s side and blame the victim.

9. Asking you what you could’ve done to avoid being bullied.

School staff and workplace managers are also guilty of this. In many cases, they ask you, “What do you think you could’ve done to prevent John from cursing you out?”

If nothing else, understand this right now! When they ask you questions like these, they’re trying to put if off on you. Don’t let them do it!

Call them out on it! Let them know that you see through it and you won’t accept blame for anyone else’s deplorable behavior but your own! And when you say it, mean it!

This post addressed the question, “what does victim blaming look like,” So you’ll recognize it when it happens and defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

why do schools ignore bullying incidents

Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

November 5, 2024October 1, 202411 Comments

Why do schools ignore bullying? If you suffer constant bullying at school everyday, you’ve probably asked yourself this question many times. As someone with firsthand experience, I’m giving you the most common reasons every target of bullying should be aware of.

It’s bad enough when you’re a kid in school and bullies use you for target practice. However, when the school continues to ignore it, even when you report it, it only makes things exponentially worse.

If you’re like I was, you’re probably desperately searching for answers. As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I’m giving you the most common reasons why schools ignore bullying

In this post you will learn the seven most common answers to the question, “Why do schools ignore bullying?”

Once you learn these popular reasons, it will relieve any confusion and you will be able to address the situation more appropriately.

This post gives you the answers to the question on the minds of every bullying victim, “Why do schools ignore bullying?” These are the answers that every target should know.

why do schools ignore bullying?

All too often, schools ignore reports of bullying and leave targets to fend for themselves. Moreover, this happens much more than we know.

School staff ignore you when you report your bullies to them. Maybe they trivialize your experiences or worse, blame you for your bullies’ behavior.

They may ask you what you’re doing to make them mistreat you. As a result, you probably feel victimized twice, once by the bullies and again by those who are supposed to protect you.

But realize that schools tend to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug and sadly, they do this all the time.

Therefore, here are the seven reasons schools do nothing about bullying.

1. They’re lazy.

Conducting an investigation into the case of bullying is extra work. Therefore, most school officials do not want to make any extra effort in resolving a case of bullying.

Often, they take the easy way out by either denying that there’s a problem or blaming you. And when your parents or guardians get involved, the school staff may often label them as “the unhinged mom/dad,” which is only a cop-out.

2. Why Do Schools Ignore Bullying? They’re afraid the bullies’ parents will retaliate.

Bullying is a learned behavior. Consequently, many bullies have parents who are also bullies themselves. Many of these parents are self-entitled.

Also, your bullies may also have powerful political connections in the town or on the school board. Therefore, the school staff know too well that disciplining “the wrong kids” could mean an end to either their jobs or their entire careers.

3. They’re afraid that the school’s reputation may be tarnished.

Schools often hide cases of bullying to save face. In other words, the reputation of the school, sadly, takes priority over your well being.

Therefore, most schools know good and well when a child is bullied. However, they may consider that child a threat and, in worse cases, ostracize the poor kid and tell him/her to “keep your mouth shut” to cover their own behinds.

Moreover, bullied kids also have less power then other kids. So, it’s much easier for the school to not to do anything about the bullying when you report it.

4. Why do schools ignore bullying? They either don’t like you may even hate you.

Sadly, many teachers and school staff either dislike or hate their bullied students. Although these are supposed to be adults who were supposed to protect you, they don’t because of their personal feelings and emotions.

Moreover, when people bully you for a long period of time, they spread many lies and ugly rumors about you to defame you and destroy your reputation. It’s just another unpleasant aspect of bullying.

Teachers, principals, and school officials hear the lies and rumors as well. And they aren’t beyond making judgements based on what they’ve heard.

Additionally, school staff may even join in on negative gossip about you. Understand that although you may be one of the most goodhearted people around, the rumors and lies supersede the truth.

Therefore, in the minds of those at school, you’re “trouble.”

Lies and rumors are powerful and they keep you locked in a prison of scrutiny and suspicion. As a result, you cannot be your true, awesome self due to the stress of being marginalized.

5. they didn’t like the way you responded or reacted to the bullying you suffered.

In other words, because of having been bullied for so long, you may have reacted out of self-defense and exhaustion. You were so tired because bullies harassed you for so long that you really couldn’t help but to react.

Your bullies slyly used the reaction as further proof that you’re either trouble or you have a mental imbalance. Therefore, teachers and staff may think the worst of you.

Moreover, they may also think that because everyone else hates you, there must be a reason that justifies it. And so, they believe you deserve what is happening to you.

Consequently, when a teacher does not like you, they may either refuse to help you or secretly take pleasure in seeing you suffer. Realize that teachers and school staff are just as capable as the classroom bullies of hating and hurting students they deem undesirable.

6. Why Do Schools Ignore bullying? The bullies are athletes or cheerleaders

Understand that these kids make the school look good. Star athletes on sports teams win games and help the school team reach the playoffs. This only further bolsters the school’s image. The same thing goes for cheerleaders.

They enter regional and state cheer competitions and if they win, the schools’ reputation goes up. Therefore, the cheerleaders appeal to the self-interest of the school and school district.

7. The bullies excel in studies and are candidates for college.

Again, these bullies make the school look good. Schools desire to crank out graduates that are high achievers and go on to college. The more college-bound students they have, the better the schools look and the more parents will want to send their kids to the school.

Moreover, the more students a school has, the more funding they get from the government. Therefore, these schools aren’t going to do anything to mess this up.

Why Do schools ignore bullying?

What parents can do

This is why parents must stay proactive in protecting and advocating for their child even when it seems that the school isn’t listening.

Let them know that you will not go away until the problem is solved. Go to the media if you have to.

Therefore, gather your own evidence. Get a journal and have your child document each incidence of bullying, using the 5W method. And, depending on the laws in your state, you can have your child wear a hidden body camera or hide an audio recording device on them to get evidence of bullying.

Moreover, you must save any email correspondence with the school and save it on three different flash drives. Then hide them in different locations to keep the evidence safe.

Be there for your child. Assure your child that his/her reputation does not equal character and that the bullies have the issues.

Know there will come a time when your child will escape their tormentors and have true friends who love them for them. Constantly tell them that they are worthy of having friends and being loved.

You might just keep your child’s self-esteem from completely tanking and even save his/her life!

What you can do if you’re the victim of school bullying

When schools do nothing about bullying, it’s up to you to protect yourself.

Document each incidence of bullying when you get home from school. Do this while the incidents are still fresh in your mind.

I can’t stress this enough. Keep your documents at home. Never take them to school because bullies are nosy and they will rummage through your stuff when your back is turned. The last thing you want is for them to find your documentation.

Wear a hidden body camera or hide an audio recording device on you. However, be sure you know what the laws in your state allow before you do this.

If you live in a one-party consent state, cameras and recording devices are legal and you can use them. On the other hand, if you live in a two-party consent state, you must have the permission of the people you record before you can use them.

Therefore, it’s important to know the laws before you carry this out.

Another way you can gather proof is to screenshot and save any incendiary messages and comments on your social media pages. Moreover, save any bullying emails, and test messages.

The more proof of bullying you collect, the stronger case you’ll have if you must take it to the school board or to court.

This post is all about the question, “Why do schools ignore bullying?” so that you can have the answers you’ve been looking for and be better able to decide what your recourse should be.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

5. The 4 Stages of Bullying

7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

April 5, 2024August 6, 202411 Comments

‘Want to know how to instantly expose bullies for who they are and get your life back? We must learn how to do this effectively if we even hope to regain peace in our lives and reclaim our personal power.

in this post, you will learn 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies.

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe. Introducing, 7 secrets to instantly expose bullies and unleash your power. These are things that I learned through trial and error and wish I had known when I was young and enduring bullying myself.

However, know that there will be a certain degree of risk involved. But also know that you take a risk each day by walking outside. Risk is something no one can escape unless they want to live a meaningless life.

Know your enemy.

How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are.

In other words, if you see another student gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.
Document everything.

As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me, or worse…killed me.

Moreover, you must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Never reveal anything that you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

You’ll be asking for trouble and it’s better to be safe than sorry. You never know when your bullies might turn them against you. And once they do, you can be sure that your former friends will be more than happy to tell all!

4. Keep a low profile.

Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

However, if the bullies do seek you out, they will risk exposing themselves because the people who know you and aren’t influenced by the bullies will see what is going on and know they are stalking you.

So, keep that in mind as well.

Save any threatening texts, emails, social media messages or voicemails.

And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing.

Also, keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

Never brag about any evidence you have on your bullies.

Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

Call the bully out in front of an audience.

This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions. But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone.

Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this. Also, you could, very slyly, force the bully to expose him/herself. You can learn how, right here.

With knowledge comes empowerment!