If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know exactly why you’re afraid to face the risks of saying no? You know the concept but would you know how to word it if you had to explain it?
When you’re a target of bullying, saying no is risky. Bullies use force to get what they want and they don’t take no for an answer. Here are the most common reasons why it’s so difficult to say no when you need to.
You will learn all the risks of saying no to bullies so that you can pick the answers that best suit you and your situation.
After you learn what these reasons are, you will better be able to face your fear of saying it. Even better, you will have the answers you need to conquer that fear.
This post is all about the risks of saying no and what you can do to conquer your fear of saying it when you must.
“No” is such a tiny word but has so much power behind it. It can be intimidating to say to someone and to get for an answer from them. T
Victims of bullying have an especially difficult time saying no to people. And why not? Others have bullied them into saying yes for so long that they’ve conditioned the targets to do it without thinking.
The Risks of Saying No
However, many people who have never been bullied also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?
There are many reasons:
1.Many people, especially victims of bullying, were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful.
When we were children, adults often forced us to say yes. Abusive adults often conditioned us to go against own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment. It was “obey, or else.”
Many of us grew up during a time when we automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.
Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy the person may have been.
Sadly, these adults conditioned us this way during childhood and molded us into spineless, submissive adults. As a result, we continue to get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.
Moreover, all our lives, people have duped us into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.” Moreover, we have received the message that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”
Saying No to Ourselves by Saying Yes to Others
Consequently, we only learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite. What it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.
However, understand this right now. Saying no means setting boundaries.
If we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly. Therefore, we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.
2. Another Reason You Don’t Take the Risks of Saying No is Because You’re afraid of offending people.
Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that bullies, abusers, and other toxic people have an overinflated sense of entitlement. And they will become infuriated if you have the intestinal fortitude to tell them no.
Moreover, how they react could be downright scary! Look for these people to lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are.
Also, you will feel pangs of guilt because bullies will, more than likely, convince you that you’ve done something wrong.
However, don’t you believe it for a second! See the bullies’ behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.
You must realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled.
This is why they take being told “no” so personally. But! If nothing else, know this!
Any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.
Therefore, walk away from the idiot and have nothing more to do with them. They do not deserve the time of day from you.
3. You’re afraid of letting other people down.
This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt wants to let down another human being.
However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner to accommodate everyone else isn’t healthy at all.
So, begin putting your needs before theirs no matter the cost. If you take care of your needs first, then you can better take care of others’ needs later.
4. You don’t take the risks of saying no because you’re afraid of being thought of as selfish.
Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to want others to think of you as good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it.
This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.
Therefore, remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”
Nooo! What it does is make you look like a simp to other people.
5. One of the risks of saying no is that you take people out of their comfort zones.
And that is time you’d rather spend with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting.
There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.
Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.
Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems. And see it as you’ve taken them out of their comfort zones because they’ve grown used to hearing you say yes.
So, embrace it because these people are showing you exactly who they are and who you should eliminate from your life.
6. You want to help others because it’s rewarding.
This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards.
For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being.
When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!
The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming.
Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and gullible.
These are things we much watch out for.
Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).
7. You forgo the risks of saying no because You have low-self-esteem.
When you have a low self-image, you’re under the false assumption that your time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. You believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.
Therefore, you quickly say yes to others when you want to say no. You even give into those who give ridiculous demands.
Many times, you’ll bend over backwards to prove your value. But worth is something you don’t have to prove to anyone. Worth is something that’s either there or it isn’t.
In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults to prove it.
Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem.
In fact, the more you say it, the higher your confidence will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else. Also, you’ll find out that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.
8. You want approval and to be liked by others.
Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies.
Also, it’s how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.
Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived.
Why? Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?
Therefore, realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type you want.
9. You feel that the risks of saying no Are too High. Therefore, You give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers.
Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people.
These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will even resort to screaming and yelling at you, calling you names like, ”selfish, greedy, mean, bitch, asshole, and other derogatory names to get you to comply.
Also, they’ll likely hurl insults, severely curse you out, ostracize you, give you the silent treatment, or try to humiliate you in front of others.
However, see these reactions for what they are, manipulation and retaliation. Put simply, they’ve lost control over you and they’re trying like the devil to get that back!
You must be ready for these people to use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid.
Because it’s worked for them before. Bullies and abusers hope that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you.
But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in! You must continue to stand your ground.
Realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily. Sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.
If Nothing Else, Remember This!
Bullies and abusers aren’t dummies. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you.
They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.
Therefore, never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!
As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior. So, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.
Also, once you learn this little nugget of truth, you will be less likely to feel ashamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.
10. The Risks of Saying No: You’re afraid of conflict.
One of the risks of saying no is conflict. It’s just how it goes sometimes.
Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives.
This is why they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.
However, you must realize that conflict is a part of life and there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid it. Also, there are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf.
In other words, conflict is something we all face at some point in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.
Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry when you can’t be available right that second, you’ll try to assuage them.
Finally, you will retract statements, change your mind and acquiesce. Don’t do that!
Never submit on the belief that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier). It won’t be easy. But continue standing your ground. Never allow the other person to cause you to cave in just because you’d rather avoid conflict.
11. Why You Should Face the Risks of Saying No: Because Saying yes to everything and everyone becomes a habit.
Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, the brain continues to develop more neural pathways for saying yes too much until you become wired to do it.
Consequently, once you become hardwired to overdo the yeses, it becomes an automatic response. As a result, you’ll do it without even thinking about it.
Realize that for some, not saying no when they must is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.
Therefore, the 11 factors we just mentioned are either some or all of the roots of your apprehension. The best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it.
Put another way, if you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it. And once you get over the fear of saying no and begin asserting your rights, you will feel more empowered than you ever felt before. I promise you!
This post was all about the risks of saying no to help you pinpoint why you fear those risks so that you can know what changes you must make to take back your freedom and autonomy.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps
2 Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices
4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps
5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn