Want to know what bullying is and what signs you should recognize? Here’s what it is and how to know when you or someone else is being bullied.
Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people around the globe.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the basics of it. You will learn exactly what it is and all the signs you need to know to protect yourself.
Once you learn all these essential details, you will be better equipped to protect yourself against the onslaught and emerge as a survivor, rather than a victim.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is unwanted aggression that becomes a repeated pattern of aggressive behaviors against the same person over a long period of time. A large group of people typically commits it against an individual and involves an imbalance of power.
In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rudely and obnoxiously. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.
Everyone deals with incivility, but not everyone gets bullied.
Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and harmful, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.
Before we proceed, let’s define what bullying is.
The Misuse of the term “Bullying”
In today’s climate, people use the word too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.
In fact, many place this label on anyone who says anything they disagree with.
Therefore, we must learn to distinguish between bullying and other forms of conflict.
Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does something they dislike. Sure. Some are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.
Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.
So, what are the differences between incivility and bullying?
Bullying has 5 Characteristics.
1. Power imbalance.
Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power. In other words, the bully usually has more power than the victim. For example, bigger bullies in school often ride roughshod over much smaller victims. The power these bullies have over their victims is usually based on their size and physical strength.
Another example would be the tyrannical manager. The power the manager holds over their subordinates is derived from their position in the company. Moreover, he has the ability to feed themselves and their family in the palm of his hand.
Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can, and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.
It’s the same with the evil sheriff. His position in the county government is his power, and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.
So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim they are innocent? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.
Therefore, it always involves a power imbalance. The bully is always the one with the most power.
2. Repetition.
The aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods of time (anywhere from several weeks to several years). And because bullying persists over time, it also escalates if left unchecked.
3. Bullying Seeks to do harm.
Bullying seeks to do deliberate harm, not only physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.
4. It targets the same victim.
Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment, either by relocation, transfer, or death.
5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).
Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the toxic environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.
Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period.
Bullying is often confused with:
1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates
Disagreements aren’t bullying. Why? Because everyone disagrees; couples, siblings, and parents may disagree and do so quite often.
In other words, someone who disagrees with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds, and belief systems.
Although it may not always feel good when someone disagrees with us, they are still not bullies.
However, it would become bullying if the person repeatedly singled you out with personal attacks. Then they would be a bully for doing that.
2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.
This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies. For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,
“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”
Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.
However, if the person continued this behavior for a long time. And if they spread rumors about the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood, then yes!
3. Misunderstandings are not classified as bullying.
Here’s another example: if a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.
Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.
Now, what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?
Then, the answer is yes! He would be considered a bully because he would use his size and height to intimidate you. And he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you, but not against anyone else.
4. Stubbornness
For example, if I warned my next-door neighbor that he had a low tire? And what if he waved me away like shooing a fly? He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.
5. Incivility and jerky behavior
For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road. I slam on my brakes and blare my horn at him, and he flips me off. It doesn’t make him a bully. Does it make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.
Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s still doesn’t qualify, even if the argument is heated. But what if one of them resorts to repeatedly calling the other names, and it persists for a long time? That, my friends, is bullying!
If you understand what it is and what constitutes it, you can apply this knowledge to those who deserve the label.
Types of Bullying:
1. Physical
Physical bullying is the most obvious kind. It involves hitting, kicking, shoving, and choking. It starts as borderline behaviors, such as deliberately running into you in the hallways or tripping you. Also, bullies may brush past you or shoulder-check you.
They may even take their finger and flick your nose with it or spit on you. These kinds of people violate your physical boundaries, and if you ignore them, it will only escalate.
Therefore, the only way to handle these types is to stand up to them. Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.
Therefore, you must speak to them in the only language they understand. How you deal with physical bullies is to stand up for yourself by beating the ever-loving crap out of them. And you must do it so badly that they won’t ever want to tangle with you again. Only then will they leave you alone.
2. Psychological/Emotional
This type targets the victim’s emotions and mental health. It involves name-calling, cruel jokes, and pranks. It can also involve gaslighting, guilt trips, and triggering.
Moreover, its purpose is to undermine the victim’s self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, the best defense is to show them that they don’t faze you. Respond by countering it.
For example, you counter name-calling with humor or with a good burn that humiliates them. You can turn the tables on gaslighting by using counter-statements that shut it down. And you counter guilt-trips by seeing through their bullshit and refusing to feel guilty.
3. Verbal
The verbal kind uses the spoken word to cause psychological or emotional harm. Be aware that this type also falls into the psychological and emotional category.
Therefore, counter it by delivering a good burn or with humor. This takes the wind out of the idiot’s sail and makes you a not-so-easy target.
5. Non-Verbal
Non-verbal aggression is psychological and emotional because it causes fear. This type of aggression involves giving dirty looks or making threatening and obscene gestures. Examples of this kind of aggression are glaring at someone and flipping them off every time you see them.
Other examples include pounding a fist into their palm and looking at you. Standing too close to you and getting in your face also falls into this category.
Bullies may also sit in your chair, pick up your notebook, park in your parking space, or learn on your vehicle. This is designed to claim ownership of your property and territory.
How you stand up to this type of aggression is to look the creep in the eye and tell them to knock it off. You can tell them to get the hell out of your chair or off your car. Or, you can tell them to keep their paws off your notebook or get out of your parking space.
But whatever you do, don’t ignore it. Why? Because you will only reward their behavior and they’ll only continue to violate your boundaries.
6. Social/Relational
This also falls into the psycho/emotional category because it causes sadness and distress. Social discord. This includes gossiping, spreading rumors and lies, and launching smear campaigns.
How you respond to this is to confront the creep face-to-face. Call out the behavior and do it in front of an audience. If people believe the lies and rumors, see it as a revelation of the kind of people they are. If friends believe it, then find new friends.
7. Sexual
This type of bullying involves sexual comments and inappropriate touching. For example, the creep may grope you. They might grab your breast, behind, or crotch. Or, they may run their hand up your skirt.
Sexual comments include remarks about your private areas or sexual activity. For example, the aggressor may say, “you’d **** anything that moves.” Or they may tell you that you have a nice behind.
Whatever they do, you can respond by telling them to get lost or deliver a humiliating burn. This will likely make them think twice before repeating the behavior.
8. Gatekeeper Bullying
This type of bullying typically occurs in the workplace. However, it can happen anywhere, such as at school, in the neighborhood, or even within the family. Gatekeepers take control over resources, time, materials, information, and chance opportunities.
They can be individuals or groups. They’re the type who specialize in letting only certain people in and keeping others out of the loop.
They do this to limit your choices and opportunities because they deem you unworthy of them. Why? Because they either dislike you or hate you.
However, you can stand up to this kind of aggression by avoiding this person and accessing what you need from people you can trust.
9. Bullying By Proxy
These types of aggressors use other people to bully you. They may use the secret admirer bait and tell you that the proxy likes you right in front of him to get him to insult and humiliate you in public.
Or they may bait others by telling them that you said something bad about them. Either way, they get other people to harass you because they don’t have the balls to do it themselves.
Therefore, you must respond to this by calling the instigator out and standing up to the proxies who fall for their garbage.
10. Cyber-Bullying
This type of aggression is carried out through electronic means. Cyberbullies use mean and threatening texts, incendiary posts, cruel or sexual memes, and revenge porn to troll and humiliate their victims.
Please realize that these are the most cowardly creeps of all, and they stalk and attack you online to get a reaction out of you. Therefore, don’t respond to them… at all!
Instead, use the SBRE method: Screenshot, block, report, then expose. This quickly eliminates cyber trolls!
In Conclusion
Bullying is abuse. Therefore, you have a right to defend yourself against it. The best way to protect yourself is to gather evidence first, then present it when you report it.
This post was all about bullying so that you can know what it is and recognize it when it happens to you.
Related post you’ll enjoy:
2. Sexual Bullying: Bullied Girls and Sexual Harassment in School
3. Imbalance of Power in Bullying: 3 Sources of Power for Bullies
4. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power
5. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same