Category: emotional manipulation

Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

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Do you want to know all the gaslighting examples so that you can properly protect yourself from narcissistic bullies and abusers? These are the most common manipulation tactics that gaslighters use.

gaslighting examples
Gaslighting can leave you dazed and confused, not to mention powerless. If you’re a target of bullying like I was, you’re probably doing all the research you can on how to spot it when it happens. As someone who has been on the receiving end, I’m giving you the most common tactics you need to look out for.

You’re going to learn the tactics gaslighters use, from denial to projection to trivializing.

Once you learn these gaslighting examples, you are going to be prepared for anything bullies throw at you. You will have a good comeback ready and be an expert at shutting down any gaslighter who crosses your path.

This post is all about the gaslighting examples that every decent human being should know.

Gaslighting Examples

Before we go any further, you must first know what gaslighting is, why people gaslight, and the effects it has on victims.

So, what is gaslighting?

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, gaslighting is “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator” ( https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting )

The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1940s movie, “Gaslight,” in which a husband slyly tries to convince his wife that she’s going insane.

However, gaslighting doesn’t only happen in marriages and love relationships like in the movie. It occurs everywhere, in families, friendships, at school, work, and in the community. There is also political gaslighting, where dictators and crooked politicians gaslight the people in their land.

Gaslighting is all around us.

Why do people gaslight?

They do it to avoid accountability and to maintain control of their victims. People also gaslight to get their way and have what they want.

What effects does gaslighting have on victims?

Long-term victims of gaslighting often suffer from a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Also, they may have trust issues. Moreover, they may be overly self-conscious and struggle with intense self-doubt. Victims of gaslighting tend to question themselves and their own abilities and worth.

Here are 11 Common Gaslighting Examples

1. Denying any wrongdoing

For example, the bully/abuser may say something out of the way to you. Then, when you call them out for it, they emphatically deny it.

“I didn’t say that!”

And they’ll say this when you know doggone well they did say it. To this gaslighting statement, your response should be, “No. You did ‘say that’ because I heard you say it.”

Understand that the reason your bully or abuser uses denial of something they said or did is to make you question your memory.

But don’t question it! Know that you aren’t imagining things and that you aren’t only hearing things in your head. You know what you heard.

2. Telling Boldface lies

Gaslighters tell boldface lies. Moreover, they tell such obvious lies that you’re left wondering where they get the nerve and how they can do it with a straight face.

But understand that these types of people do this deliberately, and there’s a reason why they do it. It’s to cause you to doubt your own perception of the truth.

In fact, people with narcissistic personality disorder and other toxic types are masters at getting people to question their own understanding of what is true. Also, bullies and abusers all have NPD and toxic tendencies.

Therefore, never question your understanding of the truth and have nothing more to do with anyone who pulls this little number. The further you distance yourself from these creeps, the better off you’ll be!

3. Gaslighting examples also include projecting

Projecting or projection is another mechanism gaslighters like to use. So, what is projection?

When bullies project, they accuse their victims of the same evil deeds that they, themselves, are guilty of. Hence, they project their own behavior onto their target victims.

Do not allow them to do this. Keep standing in your truth and calling out the gaslighter’s behavior.

Tell them that they’re only projecting and that it doesn’t work with you.
This may or may not change the gaslighter’s behavior. In fact, the evil person will more than likely double down on it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

However, if you continue holding your ground, they’re least likely to gaslight you a second time, and others around you will know better than to try it with you as well. In other words, you’ll get more respect in the future.

4. Questioning your memory

Gaslighters love to question your memory because they know that this technique throws most people off-balance. The goal behind this tactic is to cause you to doubt yourself.

Therefore, it causes those around you to doubt you as well because if you have no confidence in your own memory, it’s likely that others won’t either.

So, don’t give them that opportunity. You know what you heard or saw.

Your eyes and ears are not playing tricks on you. Don’t play into the person’s hands. And don’t you doubt yourself for a minute.

5. distracting

Bullies are good at this but only with those who are easy to distract. Therefore, keep your focus on their bad behavior and call it out as it is.

Common ways a gaslighter tries to distract you and others from their wrongdoing is to bring up your past or a mistake you’ve made in the past. Tell them point blank that it has nothing to do with what they just did (or said) and that they’re clearly using a distraction method.

Yes, call out their distracting too and call it out by name. Again, this may not change their behavior and may even make the person want to retaliate.

However, their retaliation will only give them away. So, be sure to make that known as well.

6. Trivializing your reality Is also one of the many gaslighting examples.

Gaslighters are notorious for trivializing their victim’s reality. They may accuse you of “making a mountain out of a molehill.” But call it out by name.

You can always come back with, “Oh, no, no, no! Don’t even try to trivialize it because you’d respond the same way if it were done to you.”

If they keep on, just tell them, “I don’t want to hear another word from you.” Then walk away. You must let this person know that you’re not one they can pull this trick on.

7. Blame-shifting

Ahhh, shifting blame! A classic gaslighting move! Don’t allow them to blame you for their ugly behavior.

Simply tell the person that you aren’t responsible for their actions or their words and that they can never make you accountable for it.

This bears repeating, call it by name. Tell this idiot that blame-shifting won’t work with you and that you’re onto them.

And do it calmly. I guarantee they’ll only go find an easier target because gaslighters hate being challenged.

8. Discrediting

Bullies discredit you by spreading nasty rumors and lies. Your best recourse is to allow them to do it while proving them wrong through your calm demeanor and good behavior.

Remember that the one who talks the loudest is the least credible.

Anyone who points a finger at you has three pointed back at them. Also, when someone tries to defame you, they often repeat the same hogwash over and over again.

Therefore, let them talk themselves into trouble. Then, watch their surprise when people get sick of hearing their BS and get bored with them.

The trick here is to force this person to out themselves without realizing they’re doing it.

In other words, don’t try to defend yourself against the rumors and don’t try explaining yourself. You owe no one any explanations here. Just let them talk.

9. Subtle insults Are Classic Gaslighting Examples

Bullies love to throw zingers at you because they’re too cowardly to bluntly come out and say it directly. And they make sure other people are around to hear it.

They employ these subtle insults in hopes that it will confuse you and fly right over your head while, at the same time, making you look like a clueless dolt to others.

Therefore, you must notice this behavior immediately and call it out. For example, if the bully is pulling this crap because you call them out on something earlier, you can always say this:

“Wow! You’re so angry, aren’t you. You’re mad because I called you out for being a jerk last week. Don’t lie. I know that’s why you’re trying to sling insults.

And do it in front of an audience.

Chances are good that you’ll embarrass the person so bad that they might leave you alone and go find an easier target to toy with.

10. Rewriting history

Gaslighting bullies rewrite history to feel better about themselves when you call them out on something they’ve done in the past. Moreover, they put their own spin on reality to make themselves look better to other people.

They may do this by saying that the reason for their bad behavior is because they were reacting to something that you did to them in the past.

Again, don’t buy this line of garbage. But you don’t have to explain anything either.

Just respond by telling the bully that they’re full of it and walk away. Believe me. Other people will wise up to them sooner or later.

11. Love-bombing

This tactic is a biggie! Gaslighting bullies will, all of a sudden, out of the blue, start acting really nice to you. However, when they do this, now’s the time to watch out.

Why? Because these bullies are nice to you to trick you into letting down your defenses. Moreover, they want to break your defenses so that they can either get something from you or set you up for something bad.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you keep your guard up when these people pour on the niceties. Don’t trust them. Instead, avoid them like the plague.

You don’t need to explain why. Just ignore and avoid them.

They’ll get the hint eventually and back off. Or, they’ll show you their true colors when they get frustrated that you aren’t giving into them.

Either way, you win because they either go away or they expose themselves.

This post was all about gaslighting examples to help you better spot gaslighting tactics and protect yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

What Bullies Want You to Believe & What You Should Believe

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Understand that bullies thrive on power and control. If they can’t control you, they’ll control how others view you. Also, they’ll use redundancy and repetition to make you believe their lies too. Here’s what they’re most likely to try and get you to think of yourself and what you should believe:

1.What bullies want you to believe

Apart from us, you can do nothing, you are nothing, and you never will be.

What you should believe

Apart from you, I’m better off. I can do anything I set my mind to do, I’m somebody, and later down the line, I’m going to be great and do great things.

2. What bullies want you to believe

You’ll never find happiness without our permission.

What you should believe

I don’t need your permission to be happy. I’m much happier without losers like you in my life.

3. What bullies want you to believe

Nobody will ever like or love you.

What you should believe

Maybe you never will, but I don’t mind because you don’t matter. There will be others who’ll love me for me. I’ll find my tribe.

4. What bullies want you to believe

You’re nothing without our approval.

What you should believe

I’m nothing with it because you are nothing. I don’t need your “approval” because it will never define me. Your opinion matters not because, for something to matter, you must first value it.

Therefore, always counter the statements, including the unspoken ones. You’ll be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem and your spirit!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The One Thing That Gets Targets of Bullying in The Most Trouble

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Overreacting. Any overreactions to the taunts, insults, and attacks of bullies only bring more problems targets would otherwise avoid if they stayed calm. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson through time-consuming trial and error, and it could’ve gotten me either maimed or killed. But you don’t have to.

Overreacting can have a boomerang effect because when you get overly excited, the chances are that the bullies will too- especially bullies who are overly aggressive. Overdoing the response could cause the altercation to escalate into something you may not be able to walk away from. Also, the bullies could use your overreaction against you.

The target’s overreaction is how bullies feign victimhood and make the victim look like the aggressor. It’s how bullies bait their victims. So why not use a different strategy?

Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept

The smart thing to do is to fake a surrender or submission. Make it look as if you’re giving in to your bullies’ demands. I realize this may feel a bit cowardly to you, but you aren’t caving in, you’re only making your bullies think you are. So, remain calm and make them believe they have the upper hand. Doing so will stabilize the bully’s temper.

But wait! There’s another benefit! Your bullies more than likely expect or even want you to react with a high degree of aggression. But you don’t, and it will throw them off guard. It will surprise, even shock your bullies, because you remained calm and agreed with them. The surprise is a powerful weapon if you know how to use it.

Use your fake surrender as part of a bigger plan once you fool them into thinking you care. On the inside, you continue to stand your ground, but on the outside, you give in to their desires. Doing so can give you time to quietly plan a countermeasure that will bring the bullies down. Smarts will always trump aggression every time!

However, understand that this takes a truckload of self-discipline and self-control. And, as mentioned earlier, you may feel like a big old wimp when you use this technique. Just remember this: You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re only playing dead to save your life!

Here’s a third benefit. By faking your submission, you also allow yourself time to study your bullies and carefully plot any future moves. And when the bullies are satisfied and lay off you, you’ll finally have room to make your countermove.

So, go ahead—fake your submission. Get close to your bullies and learn their ways. Give them no reason to react, nothing to prepare for, and no cause for resistance. Then when the time is right, BAM!

They won’t know what hit them.

Any time you make it look as if you submit to your bullies, you’re only mocking them. It’s silent disdain – like expelling a silent fart in their direction, only they don’t know they’ve been farted on.

You turn their own power against them and make them look like idiots. But they can’t retaliate because you did what they told you to do. Right?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

8 Emotions That Targets of Bullying Feel

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cry tears

Targets of bullying endure a hell that no one can comprehend unless they themselves have experienced bullying. It’s the same with the range of resulting emotions they feel. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the intense stress and the wide array of powerful emotions that come with it.

1.Grief- Once you become an object of bullying or mobbing, life as you know it changes. You mourn for the way your life used to be and long to get your former life back. You also grieve the loss of your respect, dignity, reputation, good standing, and your identity. You mourn the loss of your friends and in some cases, your spouse and family.

2, Bewilderment- You don’t understand why this is happening to you- why you’re being bullied and why people you love and thought loved you have turned against you. You’re also at a loss as to what you did to bring about such hatred. In your heart, you know that you’re a great person and that you never intentionally slighted nor hurt anyone. So, what gives?

3. Confusion- You’re at a loss as to which way to turn and who to turn to. And you don’t know what to do to remedy the situation because each time you try, only makes the bullying worse. You feel stuck!

4. Terror – Anytime you’re targeted, the fear can be paralyzing. You’re afraid to speak but afraid not to speak. You’re afraid of the people around you. You’re afraid to make any moves or decisions because you know that anything you do will be scrutinized and made to look bad, crazy, or evil. You’re afraid to come to school or work because you know they’re all out to get you and you know that if you show, they’ll only blindside you with another attack.

4. Sadness- You cry in your car to and from your school or workplace. You cry in your pillow at night when you go to bed. It seems that no one will give you a chance and you’re isolated and alone. When you try to make new friends, the bullies always seem to intervene and turn the new people against you too. The type of sadness a target feels is the kind that is deep, dark, and overwhelming.

6. Depression- This comes with being rendered powerless. It seems that there’s nothing you can do to change the situation. You have the feeling of being bound and gagged. You feel trapped like a rat and there’s nowhere to go where the bullies and participants won’t find you. And you feel that there’s no hope that things will ever get better.

7. Ohhhh, the rage! This is, by far, THE most powerful emotion targets can have. With each physical or psychological attack, the fury grows until you’d give anything just to have the power to rip their heads off and shoved them up their you-know-whats. Oh, yes! Rage does that to you and gives you such evil thoughts!

I remember the rage I felt in middle and high school when I was a target of bullying and it grew to a level until, at one point, I felt homicidal! I loathed them so intensely that I just wanted all of them to drop dead.

I used my brain. I didn’t allow myself to snap and take any lives. I thought about my future and how doing something horribly violent would ruin it, I then decided that none of my classmates were worth ruining my future and causing my family heartache over and eventually, a door opened for me and I was able to transfer to a new school where things got better.

8. 8Suicidal thoughts. It’s not that you want to die. You just want the torment to stop and when it gets to a certain level, death seems to be the only escape for it. These thoughts happen when you feel you’ve exhausted every possible option to make things better. But don’t give up. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s always a good chance that things will change for the better and you can come out victorious on the other side of it.

 I want you to know that if you’re a target of bullying, things may seem hopeless, but they aren’t. Things change for the better all the time and when you least expect them to.