Category: desperation

neediness meaning

Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

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Neediness is not healthy for anyone. Victims of bullying are most susceptible to this condition because bullies have defamed them and turned everyone against them. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the 5 reasons being needy repels people and what you can do to overcome it.

neediness

Being to needful isn’t only unhealthy, it’s not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. Although it isn’t necessarily their fault, victims of bullying often have no friends. Therefore, they can become so desperate for friendship that they exhibit needy, if not self-depreciating behavior.

In this post, you will learn the reasons why neediness runs people off. Also, you will learn ways to overcome it if you’re one of these people whose social life is destroyed by bullies and their defamation.

Once you learn about all the why’s and hows of needy behavior, you will be better able to pinpoint the reasons you do it and how you can change your actions to convey a more confident you.

This post is all about the symptoms of and reasons for neediness that every target of bullying needs to know about so that they can make the changes needed to become stronger and more confident in the face of bullying and lack of friends.

Neediness

Before we get into the reasons and remedies for this bully-induced condition, lets first explain why bullying targets become needy. Also, we’ll discuss why this isn’t your fault if you’re one of those people.

I repeat! It’s not your fault!

Neediness comes from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Refraining from acting needy can be hard to do, especially if you’re a target of bullying.

The feelings of loneliness and desperation are real. In fact, they’re so real that they can have a death-grip on you after so long.

Remember that humans are hardwired for social connections and relationships. Therefore, it’s not easy to fight the urge to cling to unhealthy relationships and friendships. Especially when most people treat you like an outcast.

However, here’s something people in that situation don’t think about.

Acting clingy is off-putting to others. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.

Additionally, active clingy only invites more bullying, abuse, and usery. Moreover, it opens the door for more ridicule.

People also look at you with disgust and contempt. Yes, a few people may feel sorry for you, but do you really want to be pitied?

Another thing this does is give your bullies satisfaction and free entertainment. The last thing you want is to look desperate in front of them and humiliate yourself.

You are not to blame. So, Don’t beat yourself up if you presently struggle with these feelings and behavior.

Again. I understand that feeling of not having any friends. Moreover, I can relate to the longing for friends and human connections. The longing for friendship and, just to be heard and noticed is a normal desire that all humans have.

It’s completely normal to have that deep ache in your soul when people ostracize you. I was there once upon a time. The feeling of the intense, deranged hatred of my classmates and resulting soul-deep pain were overwhelming.

However, I learned the heard way that, if nothing else, you still have your pride and your dignity.  You choose to either keep those treasures or give them away.

But here’s the good news!  if you give them away,  you can always take them back anytime.

5 Reasons Neediness is unhealthy

1. You mistake Tolerance for Acceptance.

Because people have shunned and rejected you for so long, you become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval. Moreover, you’ll lap up anything that even looks like potential friendship.

However, what may look like acceptance could turn out to be only tolerance.

Anytime you become needy, some people might include them in their groups. But! It won’t be because they like you nor want to be around you.

They’ll only pretend to like you because they feel sorry for you. The last thing you should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind wants to settle for that?

But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, the pity of your so-called friends will wear thin.

2. you put your heart at risk of being broken. Also, you place your self-esteem at risk of being crushed once again.

The group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it.

In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Therefore, instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

As mentioned earlier, your so-called friend group has to pretend to enjoy having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

However, their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. In other words, it’ll leak out so subtly that you may not even know it’s happening.

And if you make the slightest mistake or your friends perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open.  Then, their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent.

Afterwards, they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

3. When you act out of neediness, You likely suffer betrayal.

Your so-called friends will never have your back. In other words, they’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble.

When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person. Therefore, they won’t care whether you get hurt.

Realize that your friends won’t be the least bit concerned for your well-being.

4. You only draw in people who are predators.

Users and abusers are drawn to neediness like vultures to a carcass. In other words, they seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them.

Consequently, once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those?

5. You only humiliate yourself.

When you, in essence, beg for friends, relationships, affection, attention or admiration, others take notice and your value drops like a meteor!

Moreover, you make a complete fool of yourself by chasing after people who aren’t worth spitting on. When you don’t respect yourself enough to only select those who see your worth, you only end up humiliating and degrading yourself.

Stop that right now! Because you’re better than that!

So, How do you overcome neediness?

1.  take steps to repair your self-esteem and boost your confidence.

Repairing your self-esteem is of the most importance!

This means keeping company with and spending your time with uplifting family members who love you and want best for you. Also, put yourself out there and meet new people outside the toxic environment in which people bully you.

Don’t be afraid to smile and talk to people. Although this may be scary at first, you must face your fear head-on. Do it anyway, even if you must do it scared!

Remember that total strangers are the best opportunities for victims of bullying because they’re potential friends. However, don’t act desperate or clingy. Let things flow naturally and things will work out.

2. stop caring what people think.

When you obsess over the thoughts and opinions of others, you make yourself a slave to their approval. Moreover, your own opinions automatically take a back seat.

Understand that you don’t need anyone’s approval, period.

Therefore, stand in your power and begin valuing your own thoughts and opinions. In other words, stop wondering if they will like you and start wondering if you’ll like them.

3. Get some standards.

Needy behavior means having a lack of standards. Therefore, set standards for yourself. This means being choosy in everything, including, friends, dates, and people you have around you.

Don’t settle for anything (or anyone) less than what you want and what you deserve!

4. Overcoming Neediness means removing toxic people and fake friends from your life.

How you take your power back is to cut these life-leeches out off your life and make them irrelevant. Moreover, you do it by speaking your truth and using the abuse they inflicted on you to help others.

Some people just aren’t worth your time and energy. So, be willing to walk away from those who aren’t really for you. This includes, fake friends, users, abusers… anyone who makes you feel bad or who betrays your truth.

Stop wasting your time with people of low loyalty and integrity. Believe that you deserve better and choose your friends wisely!

5. Focus on your goals and pursue your interests.

If you’re too busy focusing on your goals, you won’t have time to worry about how people think of you. Therefore, work toward achieving your goals and dreams.

Instead of chasing after people who haven’t earned your respect, chase after your interests!

6. be willing to be alone for a while.

Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. Moreover, realize that solitude is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it’s very healthy and one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Time alone allows you to rest and recharge and gives you time to reflect and get to know yourself. Also, it gives you time to pursue your own interests and a chance to prioritize yourself. So, take advantage of it.

Lastly, let me assure you that you won’t always be by yourself. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.

It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

7. knowing your worth is also one of the keys to overcoming neediness.

In other words, know what you deserve and go after it. Be advised that going after something sometimes means being willing to wait for it!

Stop settling for people and situations that devalue you as a person.

8. believe in yourself.

In other words, believe that you deserve better people in your life. Also believe that they will come along eventually because you are a great person to know.

Self-belief is one of the most important lessons you can ever learn. Therefore, believe in yourself even if you must make positive affirmations to get there.

When you overcome neediness, you turn your pain into power and transform your bullies’ weaknesses into your strength!

Moreover, your bullies’ ignorance becomes your wisdom and you turn their hatred for you into love for others, especially those who are bullied. This is how you raise self-esteem and go from victim to victor.

This post was all about Neediness, the reasons it’s unhealthy, and how you overcome it so that you can take back your power and your dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Needy Behavior: 5 Reasons it Derails Your Social Life

2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

Behind the Bullies’ Most Vicious Attacks

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A crowd of people surrounded the red man. Accusation of crime, mob law over a person, lynch court. The leader in the center of the crowd, the leader, an example for diving. Angry crowd

The subconscious mind is a funny thing. And when we call out the deplorable behavior of bullies, their knee-jerk reaction is to get highly defensive. These people panic! They get irate, raise their voices, scream, curse, and call you the most horrible names in the English language. Even worse, some bullies get physically violent. Have you ever wondered why?

It’s because, in the deepest parts of their subconscious minds, the bullies know they are wrong. However, they were counting on your silence to shield them from exposure and accountability. They didn’t get that from you (your silence).

No. You called the bullies out in public. You put them on blast- exposed them naked before the rest of the class, school, workplace, or community. Now, the bullies must put in a lot of extra work in order to do damage control.

You had to open your mouth. You challenged the bullies’ (perceived) authority. Having the gall to defend yourself,  you refused to be controlled (Gasp! How dare you!). And now, your bullies are scared to death. But more than that, they’re furious, and they’re out for blood this time. And you can be sure that your bullies’ fury has roots- and those roots are fear!

Bullying. Marginalized child. Concept illustration. Scene shows a child suffering harassment and marginalization from other children.

When bullies attack you the fiercest, that’s when you know they’re scared to death!

Think of it this way. When a warplane is over it’s target, that’s when the battle is at it’s absolutely worst. All at once, every anti-aircraft gun around ground zero unloads their full firepower on the plane. The enemy releases a fury unlike any other. Why? Because the plane is too close! And the closer to the target the plane gets, the worse the battle will rage.

It’s the same with bullies. When they know that you’re right over the mark and that you’re exposing them. They panic! Because they’re afraid that their skeletons just might come out to play and, boy! Do they come unglued and launch an attack like you’ve never seen! That’s when you know you’ve got your bullies figured out.

And when people get scared, they get desperate! And when people get desperate, they get crazy- they can even get dangerous!

Bullies know what happens if they are exposed. They risk losing face, then ultimately, losing power!

The second most common fear your bullies have is that you just might reach success of some kind and threaten their sense of superiority. Why, because, again, your success may help shine the light on the bullies’ own failures and shortcomings. It may cause others to compare the bullies to you and they just might figure out that the bullies aren’t so hot after all and that you aren’t so weak, dumb, and unimportant after all.

Therefore, again, anytime it seems that your bullies are attacking you the hardest and the most frequently- anytime the bullying you suffer is at it’s absolute worst- it’s usually because you’re onto something.

With knowledge comes power!

4 Things That Happen When We Seek Approval and 3 Ways to Turn It Around

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Too many targets are bullied so frequently and for so long they begin to look for any crumb of validation they can find. They think that somehow, kissing up will win them friends and allies. But it only ends up doing the opposite. It only gets them doubly ridiculed and bullied. Also, it attracts even more users and abusers into their lives.

But what else happens when you consistently seek approval?

1. You lose your freedom and autonomy to be yourself and to do what you want to do. You give away your personal power and become a slave to the thoughts and opinions of others.

2. You lose sight of your goals and aspirations and replace them with goals of being liked, approved of, and favored by others. And the fact is, there’s no guarantee that you will be liked, approved of, or favored because there’s no way you can control the thoughts, opinions, actions, or words of other people. You are the only person in the entire world that you can control, which makes it that much more important that you keep your focus on you because you are your only guarantee. At the end of the day, all you have is you.

3. You stop being creative. You only become a carbon copy of someone else, their style, and their way of thinking and doing things. When you do this, your creativity suffers. It’s much better to be original!

4. You copy others. You give up the ability to think for yourself. Instead of having opinions of your own, you conform to the opinions and beliefs that are most popular. You say what others want to hear and do what others want you to do and how they want you to do it. In short, you allow yourself to be programmed and become a robot!

Understand that not everyone will like you or support you. And not everyone will want the best from you or for you. Some may, in fact, hate you and judge you harshly. They may even derail you from your goals and sabotage your success.

When you seek validation and approval, you only look for permission from others, which will leave you feeling controlled and imprisoned. It’ll also erode your self-esteem. Each time you engage in approval-seeking behavior, you lose a piece of yourself until you completely forget who you are. Not good!

So, how do you break this nasty habit?

1. You start by accepting and loving yourself. All parts of yourself- the good, the bad, and the ugly!

2. Count all the qualities of yourself that you’re proud of. Everyone has great qualities. Find yours, and list them.

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

3. Ditch and Switch. Walk away from the negative people who make you feel bad about yourself. And don’t look back! Rid yourself of the haters, the naysayers, the whiners, complainers, and those with self-defeating attitudes. Replace them with people who love you, who want nothing but your best. Seek people who lift you up and those you feel safe around. Choose people who are happy and who take responsibility for their lives instead of those who bellyache and blame others for their misfortunes.

Understand that no one wants a copy. They want an original!

Realize that once you do these things, you might get a lot of pushback at first. Many people get threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life, and they may give you tons of grief for it.

But understand that they give you a hard time because they were benefiting somehow when you sought approval and they don’t want to lose those benefits. Also, understand that we live in a world full of copies- where most people only conform and seek approval themselves. So, it’s only natural that you get pushback.

Embrace the pushback and keep doing what’s right for you. To hell with what others might think, say, or how they act! Only you can know what’s right for you. No one else knows your inner reality but you. So, trust that and trust yourself. I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life for the better. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!

Knowledge is empowering!

Addressing Women Who Date Lowlifes

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Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!

I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.

Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!

These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.

Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.

Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.

But why?

It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.

Also, they think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.

denial willful blindess self-deceit, willful ignorance

It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that they have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.

I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.

If you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door.

The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.

Bullies and Redundancy

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Indifferent.

Redundancy has been the downfall of many a bully. Have you ever noticed how bullies always- always…repeat the same narratives and personal attacks?

And, like a broken record, their needle gets stuck on the same old attack. Repeat, repeat, repeat. On and one they drag the same tired, worn-out narrative.

Although it’s true that repeating the same lie a thousand times does work, as Goebbels proved during the 1930’s, there are also times it can backfire because people get bored listening to it.

When bullies get redundant, it reeks of desperation because any time someone feels they must repeat themselves, it means that they have a bad feeling that the story isn’t sticking as well as they hoped it would. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need to repeat themselves.

However, if you’re a target of such foolishness, rest assured that this bodes well for you although it may not feel good. Realize that it can work in your favor and take advantage of it. And how you take advantage of it is to just sit back and let them talk. Forgive me a chuckle or two.

Here are a few reasons being redundant can backfire on bullies:

1.As mentioned above, the bully will end up boring the hell out of those around him. Most people would rather cut off their right arms than be bored. And once something becomes a snooze fest, it’s over!

2. In being redundant, bullies only reveal their own issues. Again, to anyone with an ounce of common sense, redundancy makes the bullies look bad because, if one must continue to beat a dead horse, they not only look desperate but worse, they look defeated! And people around them will pray for the day they finally either go away, or “shut up about it already!” The bully will eventually get blown off with an eyeroll and a “whatever.”

So, if you’re a target of this kind of foolishness, remember to just sit back, let your bullies dig their own holes, and snicker! Some things don’t need a reaction.

It’s only a matter of time before they shoot themselves in the foot, so, why not let them continue cutting off their noses to spite their faces?

With knowledge comes empowerment!