Category: bullying

Smiling woman against a wall. Her shadow has horns and a pointy tail.

Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

33 Comments

‘Want to know how to go about removing toxic people from your life so that you can finally live in peace?

removing toxic people

Dealing with bullies, abusers, and users who suck the life out of you can add unnecessary stress to your life. However, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably desperately searching for the best ways of successfully removing toxic people.

You will learn the best and most effective ways to remove human leeches from your life.

Once you learn these techniques, you will be smart and successful at removing toxic people. As a result, you will live a more peaceful and relaxing life of freedom and happiness.

this post is all about how to go about removing toxic people and reclaiming your peace.

However, before you can learn how to remove these happiness thieves, you must first know how to spot them.

Toxic people are those who are ungrateful and never see the positive side of anything. They are also those who are notorious gossips, complainers, and whiners.

Other names for toxic people include,Negative Nancies or Nathans and Debbie or Danny Downers.

A toxic person will undermine your accomplishments and successes by stunning you with backhanded compliments. In a nutshell, they suck the oxygen out of the room with their negativity. In that, they make you want to run for the nearest exit when you see them coming.

I can’t stress enough the importance of giving these happiness thieves the old heave-ho. And once you do, you’ll be surprise at the amazing things it will do for your self-esteem.

But! It’s much easier said than done.

Removing toxic people means making hard decisions

It is only natural that you want to be liked and be accepted by peers. However, when you are a target of bullying, those wants can be hard to attain due to lies and rumors that bullies may spread to keep you isolated and alone.

You see? The last thing a bully wants is for anyone, and I mean ANYONE, to want to be friends with you.

Therefore, it’s too common for bully targets to become desperate for friends. Some get so much so that any human connection with anyone their age will do.

As a result, bullying victims may get involved with the wrong people. In other words, they hitch their wagons to people who only tolerate rather than accept them.

However, just because your new friends aren’t directly abusing you (hitting, shouting, name-calling) doesn’t mean they’re your friends. Therefore, don’t mistake this as a friendship and latch on.

 Also, you may feel that these losers are the best you can do.  You may think that there’s nothing better out there for you. But this is wrong. You can do better, you just don’t know it because bullies have convinced you that you can’t.

And sadly, while your back is turned, your “new buddies” at school or at work are rolling their eyes and talking through their teeth. I want you to realize that these new friends of yours are no better than your bullies. They only feel sorry for you. Yuck!

Therefore, these are the types of people who are toxic and you should ditch them… fast!

Removing Toxic People: Here’s How You Weed Them Out!

1. Be Yourself.

You may feel that you must build a fake persona for the sake of friendship and approval. However, what you don’t realize is that most of your friends aren’t really for you. They only act like they are just to get something from you.

Consequently, these people can reek havoc in your life if you aren’t careful! I want you to realize that like attracts like.

Understand that when you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world. In other words, you’ll only draw in fakes, fraudsters, and imposters!

On the other hand, when you begin being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fakes. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing their fakery.

Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because realness scares them to death!

Two things happen when you decide that you’re going to be your true, authentic self. First, it allows you to see who’s for real and who isn’t. Secondly, you scare away the fakes. Trust me, this is what you want to happen.

In other words, when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

2. Removing toxic people also requires you to Set Boundaries.

This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes.

It’s especially hard when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face. However, some situations call for you to  show your booty to people.

Therefore, when these circumstances arise, don’t worry about what others might think or say about it.

If nothing else, remember this. Boundaries always expose the imposters. Always!

When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset!

You will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you. Moreover, they will react by trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others, among other things.

But understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because of their own self-interest. Realize that these folks benefited all this time from you not having any boundaries at all. So, do you think they want those benefits to stop?

Don’t be afraid to let these people go because they never were your friends and therefore don’t belong in your life. Your real friends, on the other hand, will be happy for you. These people will cheer you on because they will genuinely care for you want what’s best for you.

3. Speak and Stand in Your Truth.

When you begin freely speaking out, especially about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. You’ll make bitter enemies not only of these people but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but fail to stop it.

Moreover, even if you don’t use their names and choose not to identify them, it won’t matter. Understand that any abuse thrives on silence. Therefore, abusers and most bystanders don’t want you talking about it at all!

Sadly, these toxic leeches are sometimes those we call friends. Abusers can’t chance being exposed and seen by others in a negative light. Therefore, they’ll go to great lengths to shut you down.

Again. This is how you weed out all the fakes and expose people for who they are and you must deep-six these people. Fast!

Understand that for a garden to not only grow but flourish, you must get rid of all the weeds. The same goes for the people in our lives.

If you continue to surround yourself with users, abusers, and people who only stifle you, you’ll have no chance of growth and advancement.

On the other hand, when you remove all the junk people, you make room for new people of better quality to come into your life.

4. Removing toxic people: Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, more than ever! Why? Because most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they discover that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want people around you who don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind? I would hope you wouldn’t.

Understand that everyone is different. Different people have different backgrounds and experiences. Your background and experiences is what shapes your perspective.

 Therefore, not only should you respect the opinions of others, but they should also respect yours in return. Though we may not always agree with them, we can respect them and continue to get along with those who have differences of belief and opinion.

However, many don’t live by that virtue these days. And when people resort to ad hominem attacks against you when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance and that they never were with you to begin with.

Therefore, show them the door quickly!

5. Go No Contact.

In other words, have no more to do with these life-suckers. Understand that you’re not ditching them to be mean to them, you’re doing it for your own psychological well-being. Just as we take care of our physical bodies, we must also take care of our minds as well.

By avoiding people who only want to bring you down, you restore your self-esteem and overall mental health. Also, your quality of life will skyrocket and you’ll have more happiness and peace of mind.

Therefore, do these five things, to expose and get rid of the weeds.

You’ll be surprised at how it changes your life. Moreover, what will really astound you is the high quality of new friends who come into your life later!

This post was all about how to go about removing toxic people from your life so that you can begin living a happier, healthier, and more peaceful life.

 Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

2. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

15 Comments

Do you want to know what to say instead of sorry when bullies and abusers demand an undeserved or unwarranted apology? Here are the most powerful apology-replacement responses you need to know.

what to say instead of sorry

Knowing what to say instead of sorry is so important when you’re being bullied, used, and abused. However, sorry is a common knee-jerk response in both victims and survivors. Here are the best substitutes for “sorry” that worked for me and helped me take back my power.

You will learn the correct responses so that you will no longer set  yourself up for people to take advantage of you.

After learning about all these replacement responses, you will respond to bullies and abusers who demand undeserved apologies with strength instead of weakness. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself knowing that you didn’t allow them to use guilt trips to control you.

This post is all about what to say instead of sorry so that you can respond to your bullies with strength and power instead of weakness and timidity.

What to say instead of sorry

A heartfelt apology shows bravery and great strength of character. It takes a person with integrity to apologize for any wrongdoing because few people will admit when they are “wrong.”

However, no matter how sincere or genuine, an apology or admission can also be taken as a sign of weakness in the presence of bullies or anyone who lacks integrity. We all live a life based on trial and error.

In fact, put another way, life is trial and error, and to grow and mature as a person, one must own his/her mistakes and wrongdoings.

Therefore, admitting mistakes and giving a well-deserved “I’m sorry” to someone we have transgressed against is a sign of honor and integrity. Only not to those who lack those qualities!

Yes, you should have an open mind. You should be empathetic, generous, and kind, but only in the presence of and to the people who reciprocate the same toward you. On the other hand, in the presence of bullies, extending those virtues is next to impossible and can be downright dangerous!

In other words, when you’re a target of bullying, it’s too easy to get into the bad habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

Why Should We Replace the word sorry when responding to a bully?

Because a bully will take your heartfelt apology, turn it against you, and steamroll you with it!

Furthermore, they will only take it as further evidence that he’s right, or worse- that you are a terrible person, clumsy, ignorant, take your pick. Your apology or admission will only serve bullies’ plans to assert control over you and keep it.

To a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only looks like a waving white flag of surrender. Therefore, you must make sure that you’re in a safe environment before extending one. Here are a few examples:

Victim: “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Bully: “Damn right, you were wrong! Oh, you’re sorry, alright- a sorry sack of crap!

Victim: “Hey! What’s your problem? I just apologized!”

Bully: “Screw your apology! Your apology means nothing! You only apologize to cover your own butt and keep people off your back!”

When you don’t know what to say instead of sorry, this is the kind of response you should expect from a bully.

Therefore, you must find a more powerful response to use because bullies only understand strength and power. They don’t comprehend good personality traits like politeness, honesty, or kindness because they don’t have them.

Therefore, here’s what to say instead of sorry.

Before we go into the correct responses, let me start by stressing that your substitute should be more indirect with bullies because a direct apology will only make you seem weak to a bully and assure her that she has power over you! Here are a few examples of indirect apologies, and they’re what has worked for me:

1. Oh, relax! You’ll be alright.

This response shows that you acknowledge your bully’s anger, not that you should. After all, the person is a bully and doesn’t deserve a thought from you.

However, if you’re trying to kick the habit of over-apologizing, this is good response because you respond without taking any blame. You also make it apparent that your bully is the one who’s having the issue. Why? Because you make it seem like they’re overreacting. And, the truth is, they are.

2. You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.

This is also a powerful response in that you know that your bullies are overreacting and, therefore, don’t see it as such a big deal. Again, in saying this, you respond with strength instead of weakness.

3. You’ll get over it.

This may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, remember that these people are bullies and, after the way they treat you and probably many others, they shouldn’t get your consideration. Also, this response also allows you to express empathy without accepting blame.

4. It’s no big deal.

This is a powerful response because it lets the bullies know that you aren’t phased by their overreactions and that you refuse to apologize unnecessarily. Therefore, you don’t look like such an easy target after all.

5. This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

Here’s a response that also works because you’re exposing the bullies’ overreactions and bringing attention to them while keeping your personal power.

Again, always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down. Apologize, yes! But do it without taking any blame. Do it with POWER!

along with knowing what to say instead of sorry, you should also practice these things.

I’ve mentioned the actions below in an earlier post but they bear repeating.

The moment you catch yourself about to apologize needlessly, step back and asses the situation.

In other words, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry.” Stop for a moment and assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to. This is how you find out whether or not you should say, “I’m sorry.”

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
  • Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Did I have any control over this?
  • Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

Knowing What to say instead of sorry also means Figuring out which people cause you to feel like you must say “sorry” for everything.

In other words, step back and notice who always intimidates you to overdo the sorries. This is also how you must train yourself not to apologize when there’s no need to.

Moreover, pay attention to the arising circumstances and context that cause this knee-jerk reaction in you.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do these people bully and abuse me?
  • Do they gaslight you when you defend yourself or when you assert your needs and wants?
  • Do they yell at you or insult or ridicule you when you are having fun and just being yourself?
  • Do they bully you more intensely when you express your own thoughts and opinions?
  • Do they punish you for feeling angry or sad emotions?
  • Do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you overdo the apologies, you are wondering into people pleasing territory. If they mistreat you on a regular basis, you don’t owe them anything, much less any “I’m sorry.”

Therefore, don’t weaken yourself in the eyes of predatory people. Don’t set yourself up to become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because if you unnecessarily apologize to bullies, you’re apologizing for simply existing and taking up space.

Furthermore, when you over apologize, you often do it out of guilt and shame that is unnecessary. Also, it could be from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. In cases such as this, apologies can become compulsive.

Stop making needless apologies. Unnecessary Ones include:

  • Apologies for asking for help.
  • An apology when someone runs into you and nearly knocks you down
  • An apology when you take a while to respond to a client or loved one because you were busy with other commitments.
  • An apology when you can’t go on a date with your boy/girlfriend because you have a sick family member who’s in the hospital.
  • Apologies for making time for you.
  • Apologies for saying no when you need to.
  • Apologies for walking away from toxic people.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone and you are not being a bother. Know that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

This post was all about what to say instead of sorry to help you to quickly respond with strength anytime someone demand an apology that isn’t warranted.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

Over Apologizing Trauma Response: 9 Easy Ways to Overcome It

10 Comments

Do you want to know about the over apologizing trauma response and ways to overcome it? Here are the best ways of overcoming these knee-jerk and often unnecessary apologies that every target of bullying needs to know.

over apologizing trauma response

The over apologizing trauma response, although not a wise response, is all too common in people who suffer abuse or have suffered it in the past. It’s a learned response that survivors of bullying and abuse have learned. Hence the term, over apologizing trauma response.

You are going to learn all about the over apologizing trauma response, why you’re so quick to do it, and what you can do to overcome it so that you can take back your personal power.

After you learn this very important information, you will know when you should say sorry and when you don’t need to. Moreover, you will learn what triggers you to express needless remorse and what you can do to break this self-defeating habit once and for all.

This post is all about the over apologizing trauma response, what triggers you to give one, and what you can do to overcome it so that you can end the cycle of bullying that you endure.

The Over Apologizing Trauma Response

Before we get into the possible triggers of apologizing too much and how to drop this bad-for-you habit, let’s first discuss a little history and the good side to telling someone that you’re sorry.

From the time we’re toddlers, the adults in our lives teach us to apologize when we’ve done something wrong to another person.

When something warrants an apology, it’s actually a good thing for you to give one when you have trespassed against another person. A sincere apology to someone you’ve hurt shows good character and integrity.

Moreover, it brings about healing and reopens the lines of communication between yourself and those you’ve wronged. Also, it helps the other person to heal and thus begins to restore the broken relationship, be they familial, romantic, or friend.

However, too much of a good thing is never good because it can backfire when you overdo it.

All too often, victims of bullying apologize way too much after others have bullied and abused them for so long. Understand that this is a trauma response. In other words, it is a knee-jerk reaction to the threat of danger and that danger is further bullying and abuse.

In other words, people who’ve suffered chronic bullying or abuse many overdo the apologies as a way to avoid conflicts or to preserve their personal safety. They may say “I’m sorry,” before they even have time to think about it. It’s an automatic response.

I want you to understand this right now. If you’re a target of bullying and you have picked up the habit of over apologizing, it’s not your fault.

A means of survival

Know that you are not a bad person for it. The over apologizing trauma response is one you’ve learned over the years as a means of survival.

When people target you for bullying and abuse, they usually blame you for virtually everything that goes wrong in your life and in theirs. This is a form of gaslighting.

Moreover, your bullies and abusers often force you to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or occurrences that were beyond your control.

As a result, this is why you’ve been programmed to apologize for things that don’t need an apology. Therefore, you’ve gotten into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse.

It’s only knee-jerk reaction that comes from extreme fear. They are ways to appease the bullies and make them go away and leave you alone.

But, understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

But How do You OVercome the Over Apologizing Trauma Response?

1. Identify the triggers that cause you to give knee-jerk apologies.

This is difficult at first. However, if you practice, it will get easier the more you do it. Realize that knee-jerk apologies, or trauma response apologies are given out of fear for one’s safety and to keep away danger.

Therefore, figure out what frightened you enough to want to apologize.

Did the person yell at you out of anger when they overheard you talking about the scholarship your son won (jealousy)? Know that you don’t have to apologize for it because you aren’t responsible for their feelings or their behavior.

Did they pause and give you a threatening glare when you walked into the public restroom (contempt, hatred)? Understand that there’s no need for an apology. You have just as much right to use the restroom as anyone else.

Did the person accuse you of being full-of-yourself when you know that you aren’t? Don’t be sorry for that. The person probably mistakes your confidence for arrogance. Or, they could be envious of your confidence.

2. The Moment You Catch Yourself About to Apologize, stop and Assess.

Therefore, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry.” Stop for a moment and assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to. This is how you find out whether or not you should apologize.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
  • Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Did I have any control over this?
  • Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

3. overcoming the over apologizing trauma response:

Figure out who the people are who cause you to feel like you must over apologize.

In other words, step back and notice who always intimidates you to overdo the sorries. This is also how you must train yourself not to apologize when there’s no need to.

Moreover, pay attention to the arising circumstances and context that cause this knee-jerk reaction in you.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do these people bully and abuse me?
  • Do they gaslight you when you defend yourself or when you assert your needs and wants?
  • Do they yell at you or insult or ridicule you when you are having fun and just being yourself?
  • Do they bully you more intensely when you express your own thoughts and opinions?
  • Do they punish you for feeling angry or sad emotions?
  • Do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you overdo the apologies, you are wondering into people pleasing territory. Also, your apologies will eventually lose their meaning when used too much for long enough.

Moreover, they can weaken you in the eyes of predatory people. You will become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because you’re sorry for simply existing and taking up space.

Furthermore, when you over apologize, you often do it out of guilt and shame that is unnecessary. Also, it could be from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. In cases such as this, apologies can become compulsive.

4. Don’t beat yourself up for your over apologizing trauma response.

Don’t feel like a failure if you catch yourself apologizing without pausing to think about what it is you’re doing it for. Realize that your compulsion to apologize is a habit you’ve probably developed over the course of many years. Therefore, don’t expect to be able to drop this habit overnight.

The trick is to work at becoming more aware of when an apology is appropriate and when it isn’t. And, more importantly, allow yourself to progress slowly. Never try to rush through this learning process.

Know that it’s okay to make mistakes because you will slip up every now and again. That’s all a part of the process of dropping bad habits.

However, the longer you work at this, the slip ups will come less and less frequently as time passes.

5. Get therapy.

Therapists can give you coping strategies that help you overcome the guilt of skipping an unnecessary apology. So, don’t be ashamed to turn to a therapist if you need one.

6. Read self-help books on the subject of over apologizing.

Many self-help books are available to order and they will successfully guide you. These books are great tools to help you learn when and why an apology isn’t needed.

Moreover, they can teach you, step-by-step, on how to discern whether or not you need to say “sorry.”

7. Respond Accordingly.

If a bully or abuser is trying to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault, is beyond your control, or something that doesn’t need an apology, these are powerful responses.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

8. Identify the things you should never apologize for

  • Apologies for asking for help.
  • An apology when someone runs into you and nearly knocks you down
  • An apology when you take a while to respond to a client or loved one because you were busy with other commitments.
  • An apology when you can’t go on a date with your boy/girlfriend because you have a sick family member who’s in the hospital.
  • Apologies for making time for you.
  • Apologies for saying no when you need to.
  • Apologies for walking away from toxic people.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone and you are not being a bother. Know that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

9. Make positive affirmations

  • “I am good enough.”
  • “I am just as good as anyone else.”
  • “I have a right not to apologize when one isn’t warranted.

Making affirmations may feel weird at first. However, if done everyday or every time you think about it, the weirdness will subside after a while and you’ll slowly build your confidence.

Avoiding the urge to apologize unnecessarily can be difficult at first and it will feel weird. However, saving your apologies for situations that warrant them will help you to become less a target. It will also make you comfortable with being more authentic. More importantly, it will empower you in ways you never thought possible.

This post was all about the over apologizing trauma response and how to overcome it so that you can feel more confident and reclaim your autonomy and your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

14 Comments

Do you want to know how to spot moments when there’s no apology necessary? Here are the times to never say sorry that every target of bullying should know.

no apology necessary

Apologizing for something that doesn’t warrant an apology sets you up for victimization. Why? Because bullies, gaslighters, and abusers will notice it and take full advantage. As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you the things you should never apologize for.

Therefore, you will learn when there’s no apology necessary by knowing exactly what you should never be sorry for.

Once you learn when there’s no apology necessary, you will be better able to counter any bullying or gaslighting that comes your way. Moreover, you will easily shake off any guilt trips your bullies try to put you on.

This post is all about discerning when there’s no apology necessary by learning what to never apologize for.

No apology necessary

Before we get into when not to apologize and what doesn’t warrant an apology, let’s talk about over-apologizing. Also, we’ll go over who is likely to apologize too much, why they do it, and the psychological effects they suffer from it.

Sadly, bullies and abusers program their victims and targets into thinking they should apologize for everything. In other words, evil people try to force their prey to say they’re sorry for things they need not be sorry for. Moreover, bullies coerce victims through threats and trickery.

Understand that the needless apologies targets of bullying give are survival mechanisms. They over apologize in hope that the bullies will be appeased and back off from harming them.

I completely understand and will never fault them for that. As a matter of fact, I’ve been exactly where they are. These victims are only doing what they feel they must do to protect themselves. So, again, this isn’t necessarily their fault.

However, their apologies, in most cases, don’t work and can make the bullying worse.

Also, if targets aren’t careful, they can unwittingly allow themselves to be programmed to over apologize even after the bullying threat has passed. In other words, over-apologizing will become a habit… an automatic response any time they perceive a threat.

As a result, this will only attract more bullies, more abusers, and more abuse.

Let’s delve deeper by describing what happens in the bullied brain. When others bully, abuse, and make you unnecessarily apologize, you develop new neural pathways after so long.

Moreover, these new neural pathways slowly rewire us to become subservient. And the lines between what we should and shouldn’t apologize for become blurred.

So, when is no apology necessary and what are the things you should never apologize for?

1.Your very existence.

You have just as much a right to be here as the next person. Never ever apologize for being in this world. However, understand that there will be those who feel that you don’t have a right to be here and everybody has those people.

Remember that The Lord put you here for a great purpose. You have your space to fill, and you have every right to carve it out.

 2. Setting boundaries.

As human beings, we all have unalienable rights endowed by God, one of which is to stand up for those rights. If someone is violating you in any way, you must set boundaries.

You must call them out and make it absolutely clear to them that what they’re doing is wrong. Also, you must let these people know under no uncertain terms that you will not put up with their abuse.

Your boundaries are like an invisible force field that you place around yourself both physically, emotionally, and psychologically. The boundaries you set are what protect you from anyone wanting to disrupt your mental and physical well-being.

Remember that you have a right to personal safety. In other words, you have a right not to be harmed by anyone. You have a right to be drama-free and to live in peace.

Therefore, never be sorry for doing what you must do to protect your peace.

3. No apology necessary for Defending yourself and your loved ones.

This is a part of setting boundaries. If someone is harming you and your loved ones, you have every right to defend yourself and them.

A while back, media outlets were implying that if people of European descent defended themselves against home invasions, robberies, physical harm, and murder; it was wrong because they considered it “white privilege.”

 Ahem! No! What this is, is a human right. I

It is a right to protect yourself and loved ones against any threat to yours and their safety. Furthermore, it is human survival and self-preservation.

Everyone has a right to protect themselves from harm, no matter their race or skin color! And you should never feel guilty for defending your right not to be harmed.

Never! You have a God-given right to save your own life! God gave you a brain. Use it!

4. Walking away from drama.

Bullies, abusers, gossips, backstabbers, and troublemakers are people who bring us unnecessary drama. Life’s too short for it.

Anyone who brings you drama doesn’t deserve to be around you. To break it down, they don’t deserve to be in your space, or in your life. Period.

However, when you put your hand up to your bullies, turn your back, and walk away, many of them will try to guilt you for that choice. But, see it for what it is.

The reason bullies guilt you or ridicule you when you walk away and refuse to refuse to their utter buffoonery is because they want to control you.

Again, it’s all about control. And how they control you is to manipulate you into a reaction. Don’t react.

Stay above their pettiness and stupidity. It preserves your peace and drives them up the wall.

Above all, know that you have every right to get up and walk away. Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that.

5. no apology necessary for Your successes and accomplishments.

When you’ve worked hard and finally achieved hit a milestone or accomplished a goal, you have a right to be happy about it. Also, anytime you score a win, you have a right to the rewards that come with it.

Moreover, you have a right to enjoy and celebrate the fruits of your labor and your successes.

Many times, jealous, insecure, and resentful people will attempt to make you feel guilty for being successful. Don’t fall for that garbage!

This is not to say that you should let it go to your head and be arrogant. And you shouldn’t let it affect how you treat others.

However, do be pleased about your success, whatever it may be. You have that right.

6. Being who you are.

You are beautifully and wonderfully unique. There is no one else in this world like you nor will there ever be.

Understand that the original is worth so much more than a copy. Don’t be peer-pressured into cheapening yourself by becoming just another copy of someone else

Realize that you will have those in your life, whether at school, work, in the community or in your family who will not like seeing you comfortable in your own skin. There will be people who will hate anyone who has the courage to be themselves and do it fearlessly.

Why? Because you have something they don’t have. And that is the courage to be yourself and the peace of knowing who you are and of loving and accepting yourself. You must realize that fake people become madly jealous when they notice these qualities in another person.

Therefore, let no one make you feel guilty for being who you are- an original!

7. Your happiness.

Happiness comes from within. You, as much as anyone else, deserve your joy. If you’ve done the inner work and found purpose in your life, let no one demand that you apologize for it.

All the while, be forewarned that there will be those who resent your happiness because they’re not happy themselves.

Moreover, they will accuse you of being too full of yourself. They will call you arrogant and overly-confident. Again, stay above these people because they are miserable and want you to be miserable with them.

8. Your lifestyle.

Unless you’re a criminal and your lifestyle is about causing others pain, never apologize for the way you live.

Ways of living that are unapologetic include well-earned affluence, poverty that you can do nothing about, being a single parent, etc. When it comes to these things, people really need to mind their own business.

Furthermore, you have a right to tell them just that if they have the audacity to judge your lifestyle.

To protect your self-esteem and confidence from bullies, abusers, you must be clear on what needs an apology and what doesn’t. Also, you must know who you are and what you will not accept or tolerate from other people.

With this knowledge, you have a powerful weapon with which to preserve your self-esteem and, thus, your personal power and your life.

this post was all about when to decide when there’s no apology necessary to help you raise your self-esteem, Feel better about yourself, and either preserve or reclaim your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

9 Comments

Did you know that there are times when you don’t have to explain yourself? Do you want to know the 5 reasons you shouldn’t and under which circumstances?

you don't have to explain yourself

A sad part of people targeting you for bullying is that they will force you to take responsibility for things you can’t control, like their horrid behavior. Also, chances are good that you’re doing all the research on how to gather the courage to refuse to answer to your bullies.

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Sure, people have told you this time and time again. But how do you gather the courage to refuse? You learn, most likely, the hard way, that your bullies are only trying to strip you of your personal power.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the reasons why you don’t have to explain yourself to your bullies.

After you learn not to answer to these people, you will finally be your own hero. Also, you will take back your personal power and live in peace.

This post is all about the steps and mindsets to get to a place to where you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. These are things that every target of bullying should learn.

You Don’t have to Explain Yourself

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. There are reasons bullies accuse and attack you. Also, there are reasons why you don’t owe them any explanations.

1. Bullies project on you. They accuse you of the same things they are guilty of.

The reason they do this is to make you look like the guilty man. And when you try to explain yourself to them and swear up and down that you didn’t do anything wrong, your bullies will twist it to make it look as if you’re the one trying to cover your own behind.

For example, when you stand up for yourself, they will accuse you of being rude and disrespectful. However, realize that your bullies will only do this to gaslight you and make you feel guilty for defending yourself.

Don’t fall for it. Simply call out their gaslighting and tell them to step off. Or,  you could just put your hand up and walk away.

However, in most cases, your best recourse is to not try so hard to convince anyone of anything. Let people believe what they want, then let that help you decide who you should cut out of your life for good.

For the love of Pete! If the people who take your bullies word over yours are those you thought were your friends, show those people the door. Fast!

Look at it this way. These people aren’t really your friends and they don’t deserve the privilege of your presence, let alone your friendship! Stop keeping company with people who aren’t worth your time.

Understand that when you rid yourself of fake friends, you automatically make room for true friends to come into your life. And believe me, they will. You might have to wait a while but better people will show up in your life.

2. Another Reason Why You don’t have to explain yourself: Some people Will Try to Bait you

Moreover, the reason they bait you into explaining yourself is the psychological payoff they get from it. These psychological payoffs are satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

To break it down, while you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince your bullies that you aren’t guilty of whatever they’re accusing you of, they’re mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the back.

They’re proud of themselves over how easily they’ve gotten you to react. Also, they’re getting a high on how easily they can scare you, make you nervous, and get you all up in arms.

Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one.

3. Explanations are usually a waste of time and energy

Why? For three reasons:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that most people only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong.

Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Sometimes it’s just better to let them all know up front that you don’t owe them any explanations. Then, end the confrontation by telling them all to piss off before turning your back on them and walking away.

4. If nothing else, know this! Your bullies and abusers already know you’re innocent of their accusations.

In other words, all the mind games they play with you are deliberate!

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, they’re doing it to make a big show. Have you noticed that toxic people usually loudly accuse you of something in front of an audience?

Again, these people already know you’re innocent. They’re only doing it for show and to achieve nefarious ends.

They are, more than likely, fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression they accuse you of. So, you must realize that it’s only a trap to get you to react.

And why would they stop? You’ve probably been giving them that rush of power all along. And your bullies are addicted to it.

Understand that the power rush always wears off quickly. Therefore, your bullies will only crave another rush soon and come back for more. Power is something bullies can’t get enough of.

5. even if you produce evidence to prove your point, you will have to work to gather that evidence.

Do you really want to work that hard all your life? Here’s another hard fact about bullies:

They get their thrills just knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself. Therefore, stop trying so hard to prove yourself to people who don’t (or shouldn’t) matter.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. “Who are these morons?

2. “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”

3. “Since when do I have to explain anything to people who have no bearing on my life. They don’t pay my bills, they don’t sign my paychecks, and they aren’t my spouse or my parents. These people have no say over any part of my life.

4. Are they even up to my level?

5. Do they bring anything positive and worthwhile to my life?

Once you ask these questions, you will know the answers. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these people a damn thing!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

It’s difficult not to began rattling off in nervousness, when you just want them to go away and leave you in peace. But trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

This bears repeating. It won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

Here’s what Will Happen Once You Realize what Your Bullies are Doing

 Once you realize what your bullies are doing and where it all comes from, you will began to get bored with them.  Also, you will blow the bullies off with a “whatever,” and walk away because their mind games will no longer affect you.

Therefore, you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake will be that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails. Moreover, you won’t be any fun to them anymore.

The day will then come when your bullies will finally leave you alone and find some one else to toy around with.

This is why you must do whatever is necessary to take back your personal power and your life. Stop thinking you have to explain yourself to people who could care less anyway. Since when do you owe thing a damn thing?

Know that you deserve so much better. Command the respect you deserve. Also command better treatment. And if that means you walk away and sever ties with toxic people, then, so be it.

Therefore, know that you can do better than them.

This post is a reminder that you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. Its purpose was to help you lift yourself out of victimhood and reclaim your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

16 Comments

Do you want to know how to bully proof yourself and go from victim to victor? Here are the tried and true do’s and don’ts you need to know about.

bully proof

There’s no better feeling then succeeding in making yourself bully proof. If people are targeting you for bullying, you’re probably wondering how you can go about doing it. As one who has been right where you are, I’m giving you the do’s and don’ts that will help make you resistant to bullies.

You will learn exactly what to do and what to avoid doing to bully proof yourself.

After you learn these unwritten rules, you are going to be emotionally resistant to any verbal and psychological attack bullies may throw at you.

This post is all about how to bully proof yourself to help you take back your peace, your autonomy, and your life.

Bully Proof

When targets endure continuous onslaughts of bullying, slow and subtle changes will happen over time. Moreover, they may or may not even be aware of these negative changes until the bullying has gotten out of control. These changes will happen in their self-esteem personalities and body language.

These transformations, although normal when dealing with any type of abuse, can bring about even more bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullies feed off the target’s low self-esteem and once they get even the slightest hint that you’re victim material, the bullying will become a pattern.

However, here’s the good news.

If you are one of those who bullies target for bullying and abuse, you don’t have to allow this to happen in your life. You have more control over your circumstances than you think you do.

Therefore, how you bully proof yourself is to never do these 7 things:

1. go on the Defensive nor explain yourself.

Any time you defend or explain yourself to a bully, you appear weak to them. Why? Because in your defense or explanation, the hidden subtext is that you feel you must answer to your bully. Consequently, you only give away your power.

Moreover, bullies don’t care what your reasons are. The only reason they blame or accuse you is to bait you into explaining yourself.

Understand that your bullies are looking for a psychological payoff. And the psychological payoffs, are satisfaction, gratification and a massive rush of power.

In other words, you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince the bully that you aren’t guilty of whatever it is that they’re accusing you of.

As a result, the bullies are mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the backs over how easily they’ve got you to react, how easily they can scare you and make you nervous, and get you all up in arms.

To bully proof yourself, think about these 3 extra points:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that bullies only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Any facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong. Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, deep inside, they already know you’re innocent.

Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one. In fact, you do not owe anyone an explanation, nor must you go on the defense unless they are your parents, spouse, or boss.

2. To bully Proof yourself, never Apologize for anything.

This is not to say that apologizing for a wrong isn’t the right thing to do, because it is. If you know you wronged someone and that someone isn’t a bully, an apology is then necessary.

However, when people target  you for bullying, they often force you to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or that were beyond your control.

So, you get into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse. But even if it does save you from being brutalized, it will eat away at your self-esteem.

There’s a time to apologize and a time not to.

Here’s one thing you must know right now! A bully does not deserve your apology.

Moreover, bullies see any apology you give as weakness, subjugation, or a way of begging not to be hurt. And they will only use it against you.

In other words, giving any apology in front of bullies automatically puts you in a position of weakness and a bully will only take advantage of it.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

Therefore, you must reserve your apologies for situations that warrant them and people who truly deserve them.

Here are a few responses you should give to bullies in lieu of apologies:

1. You’ll get over it.

2. Relax. You’ll be alright.

3. Don’t worry. You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.

These are examples of how you should respond to bullies when they demand an apology or even signal that they want one.

3. Hit the bully first (that is, unless they’re in your face).

Bullies will deliberately provoke you to bait you into hitting them first. They do this because they either want an excuse to fight you or they want to get you in trouble with a teacher, a supervisor, or police.

However, an exception can be made when they get in your face. Why? Because when they get that close, it usually means that they’re about to physically attack you.

Only then should you hit the bully first to protect yourself. In times like this, offense is the best defense. And by all means, defend yourself if the bully tries to attack you.

4. to become bully proof, you must never People-please.

Bullies and their followers only see this as butt-kissing and trying to win approval. Again, they get a thrill out of seeing you bend knee to everyone, and they will use it to their advantage.

Furthermore, bullies will often dangle carrots of acceptance and friendship in front of you, only to pull it back when you reach for it.

Never subject yourself to these kinds of mind games. Or, to put it bluntly, don’t be a simp for approval. This kind of behavior is pathetic and it’s beneath you.

5. Do Not Stay silent.

Bullies and any type of abusers thrive on your silence.

Therefore, when you stay mum about the abuse they subject you to, it will only give them a green light to continue and escalate the abuse.

Instead of being quiet about it, report it. The bullies may retaliate, and authorities may not believe you, but you’ve said your piece, and the word is still out.

They may not listen to you, but they can never unhear you. Always remember that.

6. Don’t Go where the bullies gather.

Going to or passing through the places you know your bullies hang out is asking for trouble. Therefore, the best thing to do is to avoid those places if you want to keep yourself safe.

7. Never Slouch or look down.

Slouching and looking down only signals low self-esteem, submission, and intimidation. These are signals you never want to give off in the presence of bullies and abusers.

Remember that bullies are like a pack of wolves, and a pack of wolves will only attack the weakest member of a herd of elk.

Again, bullies are the same way. If they perceive even a whiff of weakness, they will prey on it.

Therefore, to avoid looking like bully bait, do the exact opposite of these things. Always be and appear confident!

One thing I should also mention: Never isolate yourself because you only cut yourself off from support. Moreover, you only play into your bullies hands because it’s exactly what they want!

Here’s a quick summary:

  • A bully is the last person you must answer to. Put simpler, never explain, apologize to, or go on the defense with bullies. You owe them nothing!
  • Instead of apologizing to bullies, say, “you’ll get over it.” It’s the perfect alternative to apology.
  • Stay calm when a bully provokes you. Let them get in your face before you decide to hit them first. And if they hit you first, hit them back. This is not assault, it’s self-defense.
  • Never people-please. Put yourself first and do the things you want to do, not what others want you to do.
  • Instead of staying quiet, speak out about any abuse you suffer and call out your abuser. Understand that when someone violates your boundaries, whether they be physical or psychological, you have every right to talk about it.
  • Avoid the places bullies gather. Instead of passing through their hangout spot or neighborhood on your way to school or work, find a different route and take it. And if the bullies demand that you meet them somewhere to fight, object and don’t go!
  • Stand up straight instead of slouching. Also, keep your head up and look ahead instead of lowering your head and looking down.

This post was all about ways to bully proof yourself so that you can take back your peace and live drama-free.

In the related posts below, you will find many other ways you can bully proof yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

dreamstime s 85277136

Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

15 Comments

‘Want to know what happens when you begin asserting boundaries? Here are both the pros and cons when you establish your boundaries.

asserting boundaries

Asserting boundaries is so important and if you’re anything like I was at one time, too scared to do it. Then you’re probably wondering what it is that encourages others to stand up for themselves.

As someone who has overcome the fear of establishing personal limits, I’m giving you all the reasons why you should. Also, I’m warning you of all that happens if you don’t.

You will learn about the importance of asserting boundaries. Moreover, you’re going to learn about the positive and negative results of doing do.

Once you learn about all these things, you will be more encouraged and motivated to assert your rights not to be abused. Also, you will be more emboldened to stand your ground for as long as it takes until you are finally free of bullies and abusers.

This post is all about asserting boundaries so that you can take back your personal power and live in peace and happiness.

Asserting boundaries

Here’s how the pros outweigh the cons:

People will accuse you of having “An Attitude”

Many times, when you begin to set boundaries and refuse to lower your standards, others, especially abusive others, will accuse you of having “an attitude.” This is what will happen once you finally take enough abuse and put your foot down and you should expect it.

Understand you will get that response when you either say no to something you don’t like. Moreover, people will give you the same response any time you refuse to be manipulated or to take abuse.

Therefore, it’s better to accept, even embrace, the reality that others will see you as having an attitude when you stand on your principles.

For example, toxic teachers will call you insubordinate. Abusive managers and supervisors will tell you that you’re not a team player. Also, bullying peers will see you as a ‘difficult’ person to be around, and that’s only a very mild version of what they may call you.

Asserting boundaries helps you separate real friends from the fakes.

Understand that anytime you enforce your boundaries and standards, you threaten the power of your bullies and abusers. Furthermore, you expose the manipulative people in your life through the limits you set.

Therefore, you see them more clearly. Why? Because you force them to tell off on themselves through their reactions.

Through having boundaries and standards, you can better tell the difference between real friends and fake ones. In other words, you can better see which people are truly for you and value your friendship. You find out which ones are only in your life because they want something from you. This is one of the most important pros!

bullies and abusers feel they have carte blanche to abuse you

Like all abusers, bullies feel entitled to devalue you and expect you to “just go with the flow” and not object to it. With these types of people, your healthy boundaries and standards are an insult to them. Why? Because they don’t recognize limits.

In their minds, anything goes, and the world and everything in it is one big free-for-all. In other words, any rules, laws, or limits don’t apply to them.

Bullies and frenemies believe they should have carte blanche to treat you any way they choose. They get super offended when you get enough of their abuse and finally have the courage to put your foot down.

Accept that you will lose people you think are friends when you establish boundaries and standards. And they will often be the people you’d never expect.

But realize that these peoples’ condescension and dismissal are only proof of their discomfort and their only recourse. Bullies can’t handle an assertive person of incredible strength because they can never meet them on their level. These are only a few of the cons.

setting limits allows you growth, safety, and freedom

Also, understand that you cannot grow, be safe, or be free if you don’t set boundaries. In many cases, people go out of their way to prevent targets of bullying from imposing any limits.

It seems that boundaries and standards are okay for anyone else but strictly prohibited for targets.

But realize that you cannot continue to live your life as a doormat. Therefore,  you must dig deep and pull out the courage to establish your boundaries, which include,

Physical boundaries

Psychological boundaries

Time boundaries

Material boundaries

Intellectual boundaries

Sometimes you must “Cop an Attitude” to defend your rights.

You are a flesh-and-blood human being who has rights! And sometimes, you must “cop an attitude” to defend those rights.

You must enforce your boundaries from relentless bullies and others who won’t take no for an answer. Also, you must set consequences for those who continue to violate your boundaries after you’ve told them to stop it.

When you set firm boundaries and standards and enforce them, you protect your physical well-being, emotional health, self-esteem, and identity from anyone who seeks to destroy them.

Moreover, you make yourself an individual human being who asserts your right to make your own choices and decisions.

Your boundaries and standards are the invisible fortresses surrounding you with protection. They keep you safe from harm.

When you set boundaries, it means that you don’t allow others to take advantage of you. It also means that you refuse to be a pushover.

In other words, you won’t let other people make you do things that aren’t in line with your goals, values, morals, or convictions. In short, you don’t allow others to manipulate you.

And it requires that you call out anyone who tries to stick so much as a toe over those boundaries.

Be Assertive but not aggressive. Be strong but not overbearing.

You’re assertive but not overly aggressive. You’re strong but not overbearing. When you say no, you mean it, and you say it without feeling guilty over not saying yes.

And when you do say yes to others, you can do it without saying no to yourself.

Sadly, it can be hard to set boundaries and standards, especially when dealing with overly-aggressive bullies who have anger issues. Our first instinct is to protect ourselves any way we can- even if it means we must appease these people to ensure our safety.

Many targets have zero boundaries. They feel that to keep bullies from causing further harm, they must always bend over backward to make sure the people around them feel comfortable and at ease. You should never feel you must live this way!

But here’s the positiive side. Assertiveness builds courage and, with it, your self-esteem.

Not asserting boundaries works only temporarily because bullies and abusers always come back for more.

Many targets don’t feel strong enough to keep invaders out of their bubble. And it’s because of this that they feel like they’ve let themselves down because they didn’t stand up to their abusers.

Moreover, they feel like failures when they’re unable to enforce their boundaries and standards. I’ve been there and, let me tell ya! It’s the worst feeling in the world.

I want you to understand that, no matter what others may tell you or how they may act, it’s okay to refuse their disrespect. It’s okay to say no to bullying.

 Know that you owe it to yourself to say stop to those who insist they have the right to cross your boundaries and invade your space. You have every right to disallow others to disrupt your peace. Know that you deserve a seat at the table of life, not one in the corner.

Realize that setting boundaries and standards is not having an“attitude.” It’s your right!

You must accept that toxic people will put up a ton of resistance to any limitations you set in place. Therefore, take this as a given!

The upside is that the resistance you get will give you clues to who your real friends aren’t.

Resistance is soooo telling! It can help you find out who’s really for your good and who isn’t.

It’s never smart to be a yes-person. Caring about others is great but caring too much is unhealthy.

You need boundaries and standards because, without them, you subject yourself to living your life on autopilot. Put simpler, you’re a car without a steering wheel- a ship without a rudder!

But with boundaries, you have a rudder, and you can chart your life’s course. The winds and currents may change, and the waters might get rough. You may even go off course, but you’ll still have some degree of direction.

In setting boundaries and standards, you’re not completely powerless over what happens to you. You have some say over your destiny.

That’s why it’s crucial that you stand in your power and speak your truth. Never lower yourself and make yourself less than the awesome person you are. Never settle for less than what you want and deserve.

Put yourself first. Stop being a people pleaser. Stop putting your wants and needs on the back burner to keep others satisfied. Practice self-love and self-care.

Accept that people won’t handle it well and be willing to let them go because they don’t deserve a seat at your table. Once you do, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much better life gets and how many people of integrity and sound quality come into your life.

This post was all about pros and cons of asserting boundaries and how doing so can help you take back your personal power and your say in your life’s direction.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

6. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Insanely Easy Ways

31 Comments

Would you like to know how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can feel good about yourself and take control of your life?

how to overcome low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can drag you down and hold you back from your full potential. Therefore, if you’re wondering how to overcome low self-esteem, then look no further. I’m about to show you easy and powerful ways to do so.

You will learn the best and easiest practices to do so. As a result, you will finally be a pro on how to overcome low self-esteem.

After you learn these simple and highly effective practices, your self-esteem will skyrocket! Your confidence will soar! And you will be ready to take life by the horns and master all your talents and abilities fearlessly.

This post is all about how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can feel so much better about yourself and have the confidence to go after your dreams and work on achieving those life-long goals!

Even better, you will have the courage to confidently stand up to bullies and haters that even attempt to try and bring you down.

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Overcoming low self-esteem isn’t easy, especially if you have bullies and negative people attacking you from every corner. However, practicing thought habits and daily physical habits to raise your esteem is still so important.

Moreover, it may even feel weird at first. Doing something you’re not used to doing always does. But push through that feeling. Once you practice these new things long enough, they’ll come naturally.

And you’ll be surprised at just how much it will change your life!

Now, without further adieu, here are the ways on how to overcome low self-esteem.

1. Replace Negative Thoughts about Yourself with Those that are Positive

This means catching every negative thought that pops in your mind with a positive thought. However, it won’t be easy and may even feel weird at first, but you must stay on top of it.

Guard your mind and if you catch a negative thought, immediately replace that thought with a positive… without waiting. Also, do it repeatedly until it becomes like second nature.

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

This is especially important for victims of bullying because they usually start off as confident and outgoing people.

However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn. Sometimes, they can turn against themselves.

Negative Thoughts Produce Negative Things!

For example, they began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. They stop believing in their own good qualities. They no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

And before long, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people began to fall out with friends and family, they have back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected, unsuccessful, and unlucky.

This is why you must realize that your thought patterns determine your outlook (attitude). Your outlook determines your decisions and behavior. Then, your decisions and behavior determine your outcomes.

Your outcomes determine your life and the events that happen in it. All this then re-enforces your outlook or attitude. This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

It’s the Pygmalion Effect at work.

Again, for your own sake, get into the habit of thinking positive. Moreover, put in the inner work to change your thought patterns for the better and you’ll be amazed at how it will completely change your life!

2. How to overcome Low self-esteem: Practice Self-Care

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential! It’s imperative!

Self-care is more than just treating yourself to a soothing soak in the tub, or changing your eating habits and starting an exercise regimen. Yes, all the things I just mentioned are a part of self-care.

However, it can also mean making some heartbreaking decisions, like going no contract with a toxic family member or breaking off a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend with narcissistic personality disorder.

Moreover, you may even be forced to break off a friendship with a jealous bestie.

Believe me, those things are the most difficult to do because we care deeply about these people. However, if they don’t care enough about you to stop abusing you, then, what choice do you have?

You must love and care enough about yourself to walk away from anyone who brings you down and causes you anguish. Life is too short to tolerate abuse. Know that you deserve better.

3. Surround Yourself with Positive and Uplifting People

Many times, your self-esteem levels have so much to do with the company you keep. In other words, if you spend most of your time around people who constantly berate you and bring you down, no wonder your self-esteem is shot to shit!

One thing that few of us think about is that we each are the sum of the types of people we spend the most time with. In other words, if the people you spend most of your time with are negative, then negative is what you become.

On the other hand, the opposite is true also. If you spend most of your time with people who are positive and uplifting, then you will feel and be the same.

So, if you’re the only positive person in the room, you’re in the wrong place! If you’re around people who drain you and make you feel bad, you must find a way to fix it without hanging around and trying to fix them.

You can only fix things by removing yourself from their company.

Know that you always know when you’re with the wrong people because you will immediately sense that something is off anytime you’re around such negative folks. You will feel exhausted just being around them because it will be as if they’re sucking the oxygen out of the room.

Also, you’ll feel yucky because they’re killing your good vibes. Therefore, you must get out of there… fast!

Don’t stifle your own peace, happiness, and, most of all, growth by continuing to hang around. Make it your goal to get away from these people and out of that environment!

4. How to overcome Low self-esteem: Make Positive Affirmations to Yourself

You would be surprised at how effective making  positive affirmations is when it comes to boosting your self-esteem. Therefore, when you make these affirmations, look at yourself in the mirror each morning and make these “I AM” statements.

Here are a few examples of affirmations and “I AM” statements:

I am not to blame for being bullied.

I am lovable.

You can even say,

I am a good person.

I am worthwhile.

There are hundreds of affirmations you can use. These are only a few.

Moreover, if you do this for long enough, you will begin to believe it with every fiber of your being and your life will change for the better.

5. Love and Accept Yourself

This means embracing your flaws as well as your perfections, allowing yourself to make mistakes, and having the courage to be yourself.

If you don’t love yourself, no one else will either. Moreover, you won’t be able to properly love anyone else. Therefore, you’ll be on an endless quest for love and acceptance from others.

Realize that your love only comes from within, not from without.

Completely love and accept yourself. For, it is a stepping stone to happiness. When you accept yourself as you are, quirks and all, and stop being so concerned about how others see you, you experience total freedom. It’s like a huge weight being lifted off of you.

Also, you become much more attractive to people. In fact, you will draw them to you like a magnet!

Moreover, the creeps who are waiting for you to mess up will only get bored, give up and stop watching you. I know this from experience. Self-love and acceptance is such sweet freedom!

6. Stop Caring What Other People Think

Remember. When you care too much about the opinions of others, you become their slave. Therefore, free yourself by not bending over backwards to please others and doing the things you want to do.

Gather the courage to be yourself and realize that there will be a few people who dislike you and yes, even hate you. Moreover, see this as a part of life and embrace it.

This is how you become a powerful force in your own life!

7. Focus On Your Life Goals and Dreams

When you begin working on yourself and focusing on your life goals and dreams, you will be too busy to dwell on the negative opinions of others. Also, you will more than likely succeed at attaining your goals.

This, in itself, is a lesson in how to overcome low self-esteem.

In other words, you must focus on what you want out of life and go after it with a fever and a fervor.

This post was all about how to overcome low self-esteem so that you can take back control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

 

Click here to see Cherie’s Patreon

 

How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

36 Comments

Are you a softy who’s tired of being taken advantage of and wants to know how to stop being too nice?

how to stop being too nice

Knowing how to stop being too nice is essential to good self-esteem and mental health. There’s nothing wrong with being kind. It’s a great virtue to have.

However, being too nice sets you up to be used and abused because we live in such an evil world. As  someone who has made that mistake and found out the hard way, I’m giving you the most effective changes that you must know and make.

You will learn the exact behavior alterations you must make to stop being too nice so that you can take back your power and win respect.

After you learn what these changes are, you will reclaim your self-respect and the users, abusers, and bullies will avoid you and find someone else to use and devalue.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can win the respect you deserve and people will begin to take you more seriously.

How to Stop Being Too Nice

Before we delve into the changes you must make, you must first know what not to do. In other words, in order to know the right things to do, you must first know what you’re doing wrong so that you can fix it.

So, what are the signs that you’re being too nice and what are the behaviors that you need to avoid?

Here’s a rough description. You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.

Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.

Therefore, make no mistake about it.

There will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. In fact, a vast majority of them will.

Understand that the reason most people end up being too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. Furthermore, they feel they have no right to say no to anything and that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves.

Some people are too nice because they’re terrified of conflict.

They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Again, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!

The trick is to be kind but never be “nice.”

Kindness and niceness differ because kindness is healthy. A kind person gives to others without doing it at their own expense.

Niceness, on the other hand, is when you give at your own expense. In niceness, there is great suffering on the part of the giver.

Moreover, other people often use and abuse the giver. Instead of appreciating the giving person for their generosity, others only expect more from them.

Kind is healthy. Nice, on the other hand, is a one-way ticket to Doormat-ville!

In order to know how to stop being too nice, you must first recognize when you’re overdoing the niceties:

So, what is the first sign you’re too nice?

You put up with crappy treatment from people who don’t value you. Now how do you change this?

1. Never Tolerate Shabby Treatment.

Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.

Understand this. You can be kind without putting up with other people’s BS. You can still say no and set boundaries.

Moreover, it’s perfectly okay to disagree with people and stand up to bad behavior. Standing up for yourself and walking away from toxic environments and people isn’t wrong. It’s necessary!

Know that you are well within your rights to protect your time and your space. That’s what kind people do. They realize that if they don’t take care of their own needs, they’ll have no energy left to take care of others.

However, people who are too nice allow others to walk all over them. They suppress feelings of anger and indignation because others are constantly using and abusing them.

And why not, bullies, users and abusers are experts at reading people. They see the weakness and approval-seeking intentions behind the niceties.

Consequently, others outside this social dynamic will take notice, lose respect for you, and think you’re pathetic. Therefore, when someone treats you badly, meet them with the same attitude they brought to you.

Kind People Never Give at Their Own Expense!

In other words, respond in kind. Speak to the person in the only language they understand.

Learn how to stop being too nice and people will respect you. They’ll respect your time, your space, your privacy, and your rights to be treated with dignity.

 The trick is to extend kindness to others and reserve your jerky side for only those who use, abuse, and disrespect you. Also, refuse to get sucked into any drama.

Continue to be kind. Extend to the janitor the same respect you give to the CEO. Treat people with low income and those who suffer homelessless with dignity.

Befriend the kid who has no friends at school. Be kind to the combat veteran with severe PTSD and who everyone thinks is mentally imbalanced.

Give your seat to the woman over 65 and using a walker or the eight-month pregnant woman. Be kind to those who are powerless and cannot do anything for you. For that’s the real test of character. This is what kind people do.

Don’t be too nice, but don’t be an unfeeling jerk either. And, for the love of Pete, never be a bully! Know that there’s a happy middle and stay in it.

So, what is the next sign you’re too nice?

You’re in the habit of over apologizing. So, how do you change this?

2. How to Stop Being too nice: stop apologizing so much.

Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.

Any time you apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with, others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you when you can’t give them what they want.

Moreover, they’ll blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame.

You must drop these people, pronto! Because they don’t care about you. They only care about what you can do to make their lives easier.

Apologies should only be given when they’re warranted and to the right people – those who truly care for you and who will understand.

So, what is another sign that you’re too nice?

Being a yes-person. You say yes to everything people ask, request, or demand. In other words, you say yes when you really want to say no.

3. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request.

Let this sink in right now! There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you’d rather not do something you don’t want to do. Period. Full stop!

No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off. That’s understandable. However, don’t against your better judgment and say yes when you’d rather say no..

Here’s an example of when you should say no:

You’re dog tired because you’ve worked all day and can’t wait to fall into bed. Once your head hits the pillow and you begin dozing off, you hear a knock at the door.

Someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!

They need help and you passively agree to help them with or solve their problem. What’s really bad is that this person has done this many times before.

What you should do is tell this person to take a walk. These types of people should never darken your door at such a ridiculous hour unless it’s a life or death emergency!

Also, never rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. Don’t be an enabler.

Understand this! If you don’t learn to say no, you’ll end up a slave to the whims of others and you’ll never have any peace. Therefore, face your fear and say no, even if you’re afraid to.

It may feel scary or even weird at first. But, better to step out of your comfort zone now than to spend the rest of your life being everyone’s yes-boy.

Instead, make them all put their grownup britches on and take care of their own problems!

Here’s yet, another sign that you need to learn how to stop being too nice: you feel guilty for putting yourself first.

How do you change this behavior?

4. Knowing How to stop being too nice is Knowing that It’s okay to put yourself first.

In other words, stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs. You must take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.

Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.

Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.

Stand up for yourself when arrogant bullies attack you and don’t back down. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, just like the next person. Command the same well-treatment that everyone else has a right to.

What’s another sign you’re too nice? Taking on the moods of those around you.

5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let other’s moods around you affect yours.

For instance, instead of letting some Negative Nancy get you down, you make sure it doesn’t affect your good mood. Never allow other peoples’ funky attitudes rub off on you.

Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines above.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can reclaim your dignity and self-respect and forge stronger relationships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

confidence, empowerment, smaller chess piece looking in the mirror to see bigger chess piece

How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

11 Comments

‘Want to know how to stop a bully from bullying you? This includes how to stop a narcissist from bullying you and how to stop a teacher from bullying you. Here are thirteen time-tested responses to bullies and bullying that you need to know.

how to stop a bully from bullying you

Having a bully on your tail can be frustrating, and that’s putting it mildly. If you’re like I was, you’re wondering what you can do to make this person go away and restore your peace of mind.
As someone whose experienced bullying firsthand, I’m giving you powerful tips on how to stop a bully from bullying you so that you can take your safety back.

You will learn about the most powerful strategies you can use to discourage bullies from coming for you and finally live a peaceful life.

Once you learn these time-tested strategies, you will make your bully think twice before targeting you again and you will win back your confidence, safety, and overall freedom.

This post is all about how to stop a bully from bullying you and the strategies you must use so that you can take back not only your confidence and self-esteem, but also a degree of control over what happens in your life.

How to stop a bully from bullying you

Many targets and victims of bullying have asked, “When will they stop bullying me?” That’s a fair question when it seems that everyone is bullying you every day for everything.

Therefore, here’s your answer. Bullies will stop bullying when you take away their power.
But…how do you take away their power?

You do it by using these strategies:

1. Stop giving a crap what people think or what they say.

However, getting to the point of not caring takes several realizations. It takes understanding what is behind the bullying and accepting that some people just don’t matter and are not meant for you.

Hey. I know it’s easier said than done. We all want to be liked and approved of by others. To be accepted and a part of a group is a natural human need.

But, some people are just no good for us. Toxic people do not deserve to be in your life, and bullies are toxic people. So why should their opinions matter?

Understand that when you finally stop giving a crap what other people think, that’s when people will stop bullying you.

Believe this: There will come a time when the bullies have pulled the same shenanigans for so long that it will all become boring to you. I say this because that’s the way it went with me.

That’s when their words and tricks will no longer have any effect on you and the way you see yourself.

As a result, it will take the wind out of your bullies’ sails. They will soon leave you alone and move on to someone else. Then, your life will skyrocket!

2. How to stop a bully from bullying you: Realize that everyone endures trash-talk, not just you.

You must realize that there will always be those with something negative to say. Understand that everyone gets talked about and that everyone has haters.

When you finally realize that you aren’t the only one people trash, you will have a whole new perspective that will serve as a buffer to any attacks bullies may launch.

Therefore, accept the fact that not everyone will like you and be okay with it. People are going to talk about you until the day you die, and even beyond. It’s just a part of life.

3. Know that a bully’s attacks say more about them than about you.

Again, just let them talk and embrace it! Stop thinking that something must be wrong with you. Because you’re fine just the way you are.

In fact, here are a few positive ways you can look at it:

A. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.
And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. When they talk about you, good or bad, they make you relevant.

B. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.
So, who’s really in control here?

C. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to. It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled by you with little effort on your part.

D. They must really admire you and want to be like you.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. They’re admitting that they don’t have lives of their own. So, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

E. They have an Obsession with you.
Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let the pettiness amuse you. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the petty attacks too.

When you finally wise up and take this approach, the results will surprise you and your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Therefore, attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

4. Know that you do not need their approval and shouldn’t even consider it.

Bullies love to brainwash you into thinking you need their approval. You don’t!

Moreover, bullies draw their power from brainwashing another person and making them believe that they’re nothing without their approval. Don’t give your bullies that kind of power.

In other words, don’t believe those lies. Ask yourself this question. “Who are they that my worth should depend on their approval?”

The truth is that you are enough and always have been and you don’t need their approval. Your bullies aren’t that important.

5. Realize that your bullies’ so-called coolness and badassery are only illusions.

Understand that bullies are not what they would have you believe. They’re not so tough. They aren’t the baddest mothers in the land. They’re only good at keeping up appearances and fooling others.

Moreover, once you ferret out your bullies’ weaknesses and see that they really aren’t all that, you will have confidence you never thought possible. You will easily blow them off with a “whatever.”

Your bullies will then move on to someone else because bullies can’t thrive without a victim.
To put it another way, take the victim out of the equation, and bullies have nothing. Remove yourself from the equation, and you have everything!

Therefore, you can only do this when you stop caring. Period.

6. If Bullies Get Physical, Defend yourself.

In other words, if a bully lays so much as a finger on you, punch them smack in the nose. Then keep punching the bully until he’s down for the count.

Remember that bullies only understand power, strength, and brute force. Therefore, you must communicate with them in the only language they understand.

Regardless of what school officials, managers, the media, and anyone in authority says, bullies will stop bullying you once you give them all five directly in the face. And I say this from experience.

Again, a good tail whipping works wonders.

Reclaim your power and watch your life become more rewarding than you ever imagined!

7. How to stop a bully from bullying you: If your bully tries to verbally assault you, don’t stay quiet.

In other words, respond to verbal abuse by coming back with a good burn. Why? Because burns always humiliate bullies, especially if an audience is present.

Moreover, counter the verbal attack with something funny, that stings even worse.
Bullies absolutely fear being humiliated and once you embarrass one bad enough and make him look like a chump, he’ll never bother you again.

This usually takes quick wit. However, this can be developed and mastered.

When a bully is verbally attacking you, the last thing you want to do is to say nothing at all. You may think you are ignoring the bully and you may very well be.

However, most bullies don’t see it as you ignoring them. No. They see it as either fear or defiance and they will only double down and really try to get you from then on.

Therefore, you must shut it down right when it begins. Again, a good burn is always best because it not only stuns the bully and throws them off balance, it also humiliates them.

So, deliver an awesome burn and the bully just may leave you alone and move on to an easier target.

Moreover, you will take back your safety and peace of mind.

This post was all about how to stop a bully from bullying you so that you can take back your safety, dignity, and your confidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
2. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?
3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators
4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know
5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

confident

Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

9 Comments

Do you want to know the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that you can feel more confident and have the courage to get things done?

raising self-esteem

When people are targeting you for bullying, raising self-esteem can be difficult. If, you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how you can get your confidence back and reclaim your life. As someone who survived and overcame bullying myself, I’m giving you the same mind-hacks that I used to finally boost my confidence and change my life for the better

You are going to learn about all the tried and true mind hacks that work in helping you to not only win back your confidence, but also take back your personal power.

After you learn about all these clever mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem you will feel and be more confident than you ever thought possible.

This post is all about the mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem that every target of bullying needs to know.

Raising Self-Esteem

Before we get into the mind-hacks, lets discuss the harmful effects of low self-esteem and how it can negatively alter your life.

Low self-esteem can be a real energy-killer and motivation buster. As you probably know, bullying can have a devastating effect on both self-esteem and overall mental health.

Most importantly, the low self-esteem that results from bullying can alter the entire trajectory of your life. It may seem that bullies have taken control over how you feel about yourself.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

In fact, you can take control over how your bullies’ attacks make you feel and raise your self-esteem. You can re-frame the attacks and purposefully buffer your confidence and self-esteem against them.

Therefore, here are 4 easy mind hacks that help you in raising self-esteem:

1. Remember that it’s about them, not you.

When bullies and abusers insult you, realize that the insult is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Think about it. If bullies were truly happy people, they wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you or anyone else.

For example, if the bully calls you “worthless,” it’s a good indicator that he, himself, feels worthless. Therefore, it’s about them, not you.

Understand that people who are miserable want others to feel miserable too. Making you feel bad about yourself is the only way they can feel better about themselves.

Yes, being verbally (or physically) attacked hurts. However, you must put in the work to re-frame their attacks in your mind. Your self-esteem will thank you for it later.

Again, bullies draw their power by stripping others of theirs and making them feel powerless. When bullies attack you, they are projecting their own feelings of worthlessness unto you.

The only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. Always remember that!

2. Any accusation a bully makes is usually a confession.

Bullies and unsavory people will often accuse you of something you know you’re innocent of. However, realize that what they’re really doing is admitting that they’ve either already done it or they are doing it now.

This is called, “projection” and it’s a classic bullying tactic that bullies and tyrants have used down through the ages. Moreover, bullies love to project and they’re experts at it.

For example, Back during World War II, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.” He described the use of projection in a nutshell.

Once you realize what your bullies are doing, you’ll be able to respond accordingly and more intelligently.

As a result your confidence will soar!

3. Raising Self-Esteem means realizing that Your bullies only speak from their own worldview.

This is especially true when they say things to discourage you from following your goals and dreams.

For example, you may be working on publishing a novel and your bullies overhear you telling your friends about it. They may butt in and say things like, “You’ll only fail at it, miserably,” or “Your book will never sell.”

Again, realize that they’ve probably never succeeded at anything in their entire lives. Truth be known, your bullies themselves feel like failures.

Therefore, they will say anything to discourage you from working on your goals and dreams. Why? Because they’re afraid that you just might reach them. Here’s a quote from a few years back:

“When others tell you, ‘you can’t’, they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

So, any time your bullies try to pee on your goals, ask yourself these questions:

Have any of your bullies ever published a book?

Have they ever been successful in the book publishing industry or at anything for that matter?

Do they even know anything about book publishing?

Chances are that they haven’t and probably never will. This alone should be a huge self-esteem booster!

4. The weight of a person’s words should always depend on how much they mean to you.

In other words, you place the most value on the words of the people you love and who love you the most. For instance, the words of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from some smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children. They may even be a best friend, or a trusted mentor.

Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

Moreover, they are the people who will be honest with you even if it stings a little. In other words, they won’t be afraid to give you constructive criticism and they will do this to help you and keep you safe.

Therefore, their words are golden!

However, the words of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on the words of the people you love and trust the most because they only want what’s best for you and are out for your good.

5. Bullies Can’t Insult nor offend you unless you Place value On their opinions.

To rephrase this, for others to insult you, you must first value their opinions. Ouch! I know, that hurts! But you should realize that a bully’s words aren’t worth considering.

Any time you allow their insults to get under your skin, you give them validation, which is something your bullies do not deserve.

Therefore, just let them talk and embrace it! Stop thinking that something must be wrong with you. Because you’re fine just the way you are.

In fact, here are a few positive ways you can look at it:

a. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.

And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. When they talk about you, good or bad, they make you relevant.

B. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.

So, who’s really in control here?

C. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to.

It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled by you with little effort on your part.

D. They must really admire you and want to be like you.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. They’re admitting that they don’t have lives of their own. So, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

E. They have an Obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let the pettiness amuse you. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the petty attacks too.

When you finally wise up and take this approach, the results will surprise you and your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Therefore, attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

Unfortunately, it took me years to learn these things. How I wish I knew all this when I was younger and during so much bullying and abuse.

The good thing is, you don’t have to trudge through years of trial and error like I did. Learn, then mentally rehearse these mind hacks and I guarantee that you’ll know them by heart.

Even better, they will hugely buffer your self-esteem when bullies come for you, and your confidence will begin to soar!

Most importantly, remember that with knowledge comes empowerment.

This post was all about the simple but powerful mind hacks that help with raising self-esteem so that they can be a buffer to your bullies attacks and give you the confidence boost that you need.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

24 Comments

Do you want to know how to go about putting yourself first so that you can live a freer and more peaceful and purposeful life?

putting yourself first

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity, especially if you’re a victim or target of bullying.

Sadly, many people have been conditioned from childhood to believe that putting yourself first is self-centered and greedy. Therefore, they put others before them to such an extent that they end of tolerating use and abuse.

In this post, you will learn the importance of putting yourself first. Also, you will learn the best, most time-tested self-care practices and how to practice them free of shame.

After learning these things, you will more readily prioritize your own needs. Best of all, you won’t feel any quilt nor shame when it’s time to take care of you.

This post is all about the importance of putting yourself first to help you give yourself the same love you give others, and do it guilt-free.

Putting Yourself First

Before we get into the practices, let’s make this absolutely clear.

Putting others first isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. Therefore, it’s an outstanding character trait to have.

However, many people have been conditioned, often by well-meaning parents, that the polite thing to do is to put others ahead of themselves. That making sacrifices for others shows manners and that they are “good people.”

However, when you overdo that courtesy or you do it at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. The problem is that people will come to expect you to be a yes-person and take their crap.

Then, sooner or later, you’ll begin attracting users and abusers and become a doormat.

In taking this advice, many of us found out the hard way that giving too much of ourselves sometimes involved overlooking abuse. Even worse, we found that it didn’t make the mistreatment go away but only encouraged the person to abuse us later.

Growing up, you hear every excuse imaginable:

“Oh, they’re just having a bad day.”

“Maybe they have an abusive or cheating spouse at home.”

“Oh, but you never know what that person is going through.” Blah-blah-b-blah.

A few adults in your family and a few teachers more than likely advise you to,

“Give them a break.”

“Cut so-and-so some slack.”

“Try to overlook him.”

“Oh, but try to put yourself in her shoes.”

“Be reasonable.”

I know how you must have felt. That probably got old very quickly and you eventually grew fed up and wanted to scream,“Um- EXCUSE ME! I’ve been ‘reasonable,’ and the only thing I ever got from it is taken advantage of! Would you be reasonable if this happened to you?!”

Therefore, no matter what anyone tells you, it’s okay to put yourself first. And no law or rule says you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior- from anyone! Ever!

Anytime people mistreat you, then someone advises or forces you to “be nice” or “understand what Joe Blow is going through,” it only means that, subconsciously, the givers of this advice either don’t care about your boundaries, or they’re afraid of making the offending person angrier, and of the situation escalating.

Some people just can’t handle conflict. They are only trying to silence you to appease the person who’s being a total jackass.

These kinds of advice and expectations can do one of either two things to you as you get older:

A. It can program you to be over tolerant of unacceptable and abusive behaviors and set you up for a life of getting bullied by other people.

In other words, you grow up being so afraid of pissing anyone off that you accept any abuse to avoid conflict. You end up living a life of being crapped on by others.

B. It can have the exact opposite effect and give you an “F-you” attitude and a bad case of The Don’t-Give-A-Craps.

Put another way, because others have forced you to accept bad behavior in the past, you become a mean, bitter, and apathetic adult and could care less about anyone. That’s not good either.

Maybe you’re like me, one of the lucky ones. It gives you an equal blend of both. You believe in treating others how you’d want them to treat you and don’t mind lending a helping hand to someone who needs it.

But if for one moment, you suspect that someone is taking your kindness for being a fool, you’ll drop that person like a bad habit and they’re on their own!

Here’s the point. It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to put others before you, but only in particular circumstances.

Here Are a Few examples.

It’s perfectly fine to give an older adult your chair in a crowded doctor’s office.

It’s okay to get up and offer your seat to a combat soldier in a crowded airport.

In fact, it’s called having respect for elders and servicemen and women who fight for your country.

But never take abuse nor accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Anytime someone crosses a line with you, go ahead. Respond in kind. Give it back to them because only then will the person realize that you aren’t a doormat and find someone else to abuse.

Realize that you are not selfish or being self-centered. It’s called self-preservation. And now for the habits you must get into to put yourself first.

Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Habits to Practice

1. Set Boundaries and Say No when you must.

You must have boundaries or you won’t have any respect.

Saying no to others automatically establishes boundaries. It also means saying yes to yourself.

By saying no, you give yourself the gift of choice and autonomy. Many people, especially bullies, will demand that you go along with something that isn’t good for you.

Therefore, saying no and putting up boundaries can be essential for your well being. Never say yes to anything that puts you in danger or makes you uncomfortable.

Trust your feelings, be true to yourself, and say “no,” no matter what the cost. This is putting yourself first.

2. Make Time for Yourself.

In other words, make time to rest, relax, be alone, and just chill. Also, make time to pursue your own interests. Work on your goals and put in the work to make your dreams come true. Dedicate 2-3 hours of your day for you-time. And know that you are worth it and you deserve it.

3. Putting yourself first means asking for Help.

Admit it. Sometimes you need a little help. We all do.

Realize that you’re human and you can’t conquer the world. Especially not by yourself. Therefore, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

If you need your husband to help you clean the kitchen because you’re not feeling well. Ask him. Or, if you need help with your algebra homework, it’s perfectly okay to ask your older brother to help you.

Besides, all they can do is say no. They aren’t going to shoot you for it. So, learn to take risks. That means asking for help when you need it.

4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes.

Making mistakes is a part of being human. However, it is also how we learn. So, try new things and don’t be afraid of not doing it right the first time. You learn more from mistakes than you do anything else.

5. Putting yourself first also means Doing what you know is right for you.

In other words, make your own decisions. You will have people, especially bullies and haters, who try to butt in and tell you what they think you should do. Don’t listen to their squawking.

Only you can do what’s best for you. Only you know what decisions to make in your life. Do what you feel is best for you.

You may or may not make the right decisions. However, if you make the wrong choices, learn from them. Only you can live your life. No one else can do it for you.

6. Never Concern yourself with other’s opinions.

Realize that most opinions you get from others, especially those from bullies, don’t (or shouldn’t) matter. When you worry about what other people think, you become a slave to them. In other words, they own your butt!

Everyone has an opinion. The only opinions you should be concerned with are those of God, yourself, and the people who love and care for you the most.

This is another lesson in putting yourself first. When you put first your opinions and those of people who love you, you automatically put yourself first.

7. Make time to Do the things you love to do the most.

If that’s travel, then make time for it. If you love playing music, make time for that. When you’re engaged in your hobbies and favorite things, you add meaning and happiness to your life.

There may be those who ridicule you over your hobbies. But realize that people who make fun of your favorite things to do have no hobbies of their own.

Therefore, continue to do the things that fulfill you. It makes life so much more enjoyable and meaningful.

This post was all about putting yourself first so that you can live your life freely and with purpose and meaning.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

male employee sucking up to boss

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

12 Comments

Do you want to know the best ways to stop being a people pleaser? These steps are the best time-tested ways that you must know and practice.

how to stop being a people pleaser

Being a people pleaser can be downright overwhelming because you’re too busy trying to please others to take care of your own needs. If you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how to stop being a people pleaser.

You are going to learn exactly how to stop being a people pleaser by learning the actions you should take to get there.

Once you learn about all these steps, you will finally free yourself from the impulse to people please, Also, you will be surprised at how much happier and freer you’ll be.

This post is all about how to stop being a people pleaser, so that you can finally take care of your own needs and live a freer and more peaceful and relaxing life.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Before we get into the steps, let’s refresh ourselves a little. What is a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who constantly puts others’ wants and needs before their own. But, why do some many feel the need to people please?

There are many reasons. However, the most common reason for people pleasing is to seek and win approval from others. Other reasons include:

1. To avoid conflict

2. Low self-esteem

3. Insecurity

4. The desire to be liked and win friends

5. The fear of retaliation.

For example, many targets of bullying become people-pleasers because they’ve been brainwashed into believing that if they dare to say no, they’ll be harmed. This is because, saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they’re deathly afraid to assert themselves and say anything bullies and their helpers don’t want to hear.

Don’t be a simp!

Realize that being a people pleaser rarely produces the desired outcome. In fact, in most cases, it only produces the exact opposite of what you want.

To put it in simpler terms, anytime you sacrifice your own needs to please others and score approval, people only lose respect for you. Understand that people know a people pleaser when they spot one.

If anything, they will only look down on you with a mixture of disgust, pity and hilarity. Moreover, you attract users and abusers. The term, “people pleaser” is just another word for “simp.”

There is nothing more pathetic than someone who simps for approval or to avoid conflict. Realize that conflict is a part of life and you must gather the courage to deal with it.

Think of the song, “Self-esteem” by The Offspring and if you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.

Here’s how to stop being a people pleaser:

1. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first. However, it is a must if you want to take back control of your life. However, people pleasers have no boundaries and other people quickly take notice of that, then take full advantage.

When you have no boundaries, others will have no respect.

Setting boundaries, on the other hand, shows that you have self-respect. It also shows that you’re not afraid to make your needs a priority even if it makes other people angry.

Why? Because you fully understand that the reason these people become angry with you is because they’re afraid that the benefits they’ve been getting at your expense are about to stop.

Stop giving too much of yourself to people who don’t appreciate you. Also, stop giving at your own expense.

You must realize that how you treat yourself shows in how you allow others to treat you. Therefore, know that you deserve better!

2. Another way to Stop being a people pleaser is to Stop apologizing

From the time we’re toddlers, our parents and older family members teach us to apologize when we do something wrong. Although this is a good thing, if we overdo it, it can backfire.

Sadly, if you’re a victim of bullying, you probably apologize way too much because others have bullied you for so long. Consequently, all your over-apologizing only gives others the green light to  blame you for virtually everything that goes wrong.

Therefore, you must stop apologizing for things that don’t need an apology. Realize that this overwhelming urge to apologize needlessly is only a knee-jerk reaction that comes from extreme fear.

Your incessant apologies are ways to appease others. Also, it’s a way to make them go away and leave you alone. So, you must address this fear and confront it head-on.

Understand that you don’t have to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with. There’s no need to apologize for anything that was beyond your control.

You must realize that over apologizing is a self-defeating habit. Moreover, regardless of what you might think, it won’t protect you from further abuse.

Even if, on the off chance, it does save you from retaliative abuse, it will eat away at your self-esteem.

Therefore, you must realize that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies undeserved apologies, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

In the end, it only makes you a bigger target.

But when you refuse to apologize when you don’t need to, you show greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. Moreover, you display more dignity and integrity. Therefore, you instantly become less a victim.

3. Say no, and say it often.

The word no yields more power than any other word in the English language. On the other hand, the word yes holds none whatsoever.

Therefore, you must say no and say it often. And yes. This means gathering the courage to say no to people who are used to hearing yes. In other words, you must say no to people who probably don’t take no for an answer.

Therefore, saying no is risky, don’t get me wrong. However, saying yes to bullies and unsavory people won’t necessarily keep them from harming you. It may hold them off for the time being but won’t keep the bullies away forever. They always come back for more later.

Realize that bullies never make good on their promises that they’ll “leave you alone if you’ll only” do xyz, and the harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse still!

So, say no anyway. You may indeed end up with a shiner and a fat lip. However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Realize that saying yes to some people, especially bullies, means saying no to yourself.

It’s better for others to hate you than for you to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Remember. The goal here is to take back your personal power and saying no is the most effective way to do it.

4. Practice self-care

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential to your physical and mental well being. Nobody else will do it for you. Therefore, it’s up to you to take care of yourself, even if others disagree.

Understand that f you don’t begin looking out for number one, you’ll only continue playing second fiddle to others. Or worse, you might end up coming in last!

 The only one you should come second to is God! Especially around bullies and people who don’t value you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a parent raising children, or you have an ailing mother who depends on you, it’s only natural that you would put your family ahead of yourself- that’s a given. We all have an obligation to our families.

It’s also a given (or should be) that you always put God ahead of everyone else, including yourself. Again, that’s completely understandable, and more than that, it’s expected.

But when you’re in a toxic environment, around people who want to use and take you for granted, understand that you are top priority and to hell with them if they don’t like it.

Expect some, especially bullies and abusers, to tell you that putting yourself first is selfish or greedy. Because they will. They’ll say that taking care of yourself only means that you’re self-centered.

Bullies and abusers will tell you these lies to shame you into staying around and silently taking their abuse. However, don’t fall for that crap!

Continue to do you and the naysayers will eventually go away and find some other sucker to toy around with. That’s when you’ll know that you have taken back control of your life.

5. Make your needs a priority

This means that your needs come first, then you can take care of others if you must. Realize that constantly putting other’s needs before your own will only leave you feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

How can you have time to pursue your own interests when people are constantly haranguing you for favors? When you make too much time for others, you’ll have no time left for yourself.

Therefore ,your own productivity goes down when you limit your own time for other people’s priorities.

Moreover, when you’re too available for others, your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you. Even worse, it will slowly erode your confidence and self-esteem.

 Realize that most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for meeting your needs. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Practice these five steps and you will no longer be a people pleaser. Instead, you will have control of your life and ensure your own peace of mind.

This post was all about how to stop being a people pleaser so that you can free yourself from others’ demands and take back your freedom and peace of mind.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

50 Comments

 ‘Want to know what the first step is to building confidence? It’s knowing yourself with every fiber of your being.

knowing yourself

Knowing exactly who you are goes a long way when people are bullying you. As someone who had to learn this the hard way, I can tell you that when you know yourself inside and out, the least likely bullies are to get under your skin.

You are going to learn how to get to know yourself as well as the importance of knowing yourself.

After you learn these all the powerful ways to do so, you will be next to invincible to any future attacks from bullies.

This post is all about the steps to knowing yourself to give you the confidence you need to counter your bullies’ attacks successfully.

Knowing Yourself

Before we get into the steps, let’s first discuss the importance of knowing yourself.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

Therefore, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

1. Know what your needs are, what you want, and what you will and will not tolerate.

Then refuse to accept what you won’t put up with. Also, focus on your wants and needs and work hard to achieve them. This means working on yourself. Moreover, it means working toward your goals and your aspirations.

This is of the utmost importance. Why? Because when you’re too busy working on yourself and pursuing your dreams and interests, you won’t pay attention to what your bullies have to say. In other words, you’ll care less about anyone’s opinions and verbal attacks.

Also, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this messed-up thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means tuning into your gut. As we all know, your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

2. Knowing yourself: Begin trusting yourself to make the right decisions for yourself no matter what.

Here’s a little nugget you should know, your first instinct is usually the correct one.

For instance, any time you have bullies shaming and ridiculing you, your first instinct is to get away from them. However, when your bullies see that you’re leave. They may mock you for it.

They say something to the tune of, “Awww! Did you get your feelings hurt? Is that way you’re walking away?” or “Are you scared, is that why you’re leaving? Don’t be a wuss. Stand up and face us.”

Moreover, they may even tell you, “You’d better run!”

Know that it’s okay to walk away from a toxic situation. Also, know that you aren’t scared, but you aren’t going to stick around people who try to make you feel bad. When you know yourself, you know that walking away isn’t being afraid. It’s being smart!

In other words, your bullies definition of you won’t get into your head. Therefore, you’ll refuse to allow your bullies to ridicule or guilt you into staying in circumstances that don’t feel good to you.

Therefore, any time your bullies accost you, don’t be afraid to put your hand up and walk away. Know yourself well enough to know that you don’t have time for their foolishness and drama.

Understand that when you turn your back and walk away from bullies and they call out these things to you, they do it for two reasons:

a. to control you by defining you. In other words, bullies try to shame you into sticking around

b. to bait you into a fight because they know the chances are good that you’ll get blamed for it.

No one wants others to label them a coward. However, people will try to define you as one to corner you and trick you into doing what they want. Bullies know that most people will feel compelled to hang around and they’ll do it for no other reason than to prove to the rest of the world that they aren’t.

Again, this is why you must know yourself. When you know deep down that you’re not what people call you, you won’t feel any need to do any posturing. Why? Because you’ll know that there’s no need to prove anything.

Although the name-calling might sting a little, it won’t bother you as much.

3. Practice speaking out and showing your emotions.

 …in appropriate settings, of course.

Knowing yourself means that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. In some situations, it may be okay to express them.

Therefore, you won’t let others tell you how you should feel or bullies to shame you into suppressing yourself.

However, there are times when expressing and suppressing emotions is the right thing to do. For instance, if you’re attending the funeral of a loved one and you feel sad, it’s perfectly acceptable to cry.

Whereas, you wouldn’t want to break down crying in front of everyone at school because a bully called you a name. Instead, you’d show annoyance and tell the bully to get stuffed.

Also, you wouldn’t cry publicly at work because the boss chewed you out or your project fell flat. You’d just stick out your chest and try to do better the next time.

4. Another step to knowing yourself is to Practice being yourself.

Know that you don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not. Also, there’s no need to try to fit in anyone. In other words, know that you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

Knowing yourself means also knowing your worth and that you are valuable no matter what people say and regardless of where you are in life.

Moreover, understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it.

They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who they should be.

Sadly, if a target is told by abusers that he’s ignorant, no good, lazy and that he’ll never amount to anything, in many cases, they’ll live up to it. It will show up in their grades, performance, and how they interact with people.

Therefore, don’t be that person. Authenticity is key here. Be an original because originals are like famous paintings and artwork. They’re much more valuable than copies.

So, don’t be a cheap knock-off!

Knowing yourself is freedom!

5. Get rid of the temptation to blame yourself for any bullying and abuse you suffer.

Always be true to your own heart no matter the cost. Though it may not look that way to the outside observer, quietly dig deep and get in touch with your inner sensations and instincts. Moreover realize that you aren’t to blame for the abuse you endure.

Knowing yourself is to fully understand that other people’s behavior towards you is no reflection on you. It only speaks volumes about their own lack of morals, decency, and character.

Getting to know yourself will only bring absolute confirmation that what your bullies do to you is wrong. Now this inner realization may or may not stop bullies from attacking you. In fact, it may make the bullying worse.

However, instead of hating and blaming yourself, know in your heart that they are the bad ones. Realize that bullies are notorious for projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto others.

It’s true! A bully’s accusations is usually a confession.

6. Always trust your gut.

I can’t stress this enough. Listen to what your gut tells you and believe it. Also, pay close attention to the vibes you’re getting from the people around you.

The energy people put out never lies.

This is how you maintain your inner strength and sense of self. It takes listening to your instincts when they tell you that you have reason to be cautious around certain people.

Even better,  don’t be ashamed of it. Instead, pay close attention to how your body reacts when you’re around certain people.

Also, realize that you may not be able to put your finger on it and you may not know why you’re having these yucky bodily sensations.

Does your body automatically tense up?

Do you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Does something just feel off about the person or people you’re with?

If so, know that any one of these symptoms is your cue to get away from these people… and fast!

Once you begin knowing yourself fully, bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, you’ll be a much happier, freer, and healthier person for it.

Getting to know yourself may take time and lots of hard inner work, but it will be worth it in the end.

This post was all about knowing yourself and what steps to take to get to know yourself in order to help you raise your self-esteem and confidence levels.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

bye, talk to the hand

How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4 Comments

‘Want to know how to stop caring what people think so that you can experience the kind of freedom you were meant to have?

how to stop caring what people think

Caring what other people think makes for a life of mental slavery and control. It makes you a victim. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want? As someone who was once caught in that approval-seeking trap and finally broke free, I’m giving you the steps on how to stop caring what people think.

You are going to learn the exact mindsets to adopt to get to a place where you no longer care what others think.

After you learn these mindsets, you will free yourself from the chains of other’s opinions. Also, you will have the courage to be yourself and do what’s best for you no matter what others may say about it.

This post is all about how to stop caring what people think so that you can finally put your needs first and live a freer and happier life.

how to stop caring what people think

Before we get into the steps, let’s talk about the harsh realities of placing too much value on other people’s thoughts and opinions of you.

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to not only opinions but to others as well. In other words, the person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

Moreover, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really should and when you truly want to say it.

Here’s what else. You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it and let them take you for granted.

Even worse, you’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover and an approval-seeker. You’ll be a doormat, and no one will have any respect for you. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

But You Don’t Have to live this way. You can make a change. So, how do you stop caring what people think?

1. Focus on your own needs.

In other words, put yourself first and foremost for a while.

This isn’t to say that putting others first is a bad thing. It isn’t. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. It’s an outstanding character trait to have.

However, when you overdo that courtesy or do it at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. Why? Because you unknowingly set yourself up to tolerate abuse.

Therefore, you must make time to take care of your own needs too. If you’re too busy taking care of others and leave no time for you, you’ll have nothing left for yourself.

Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential!

2. Know that the weight of another person’s opinion depends on relationship.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of the people you love and who love you the most.

For instance, the words and opinions of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words and opinions of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on those of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

3. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people.

In other words, be choosy when selecting people to be friends with. There’s nothing wrong with being picky and it doesn’t mean you’re “excluding” anyone. Realize that same people, we just don’t mesh with and there will be those who are out to hurt us.

Understand that the company you keep has a huge influence on your self-esteem. Therefore, for the sake of your own mental health, choose people who are positive.

Spend time with people who lift you up and avoid those who tear you down. People who consistently put you down have no place in your life. You’re better off without them.

4. how to stop caring what people think of you:

Love thyself.

In other words, love yourself even when it seems as if the rest of the world hates you.

This means knowing your worth and the value you bring to this world. Treat yourself just as you would your best friend. Put simpler, be your own best friend. Treat yourself with compassion.

Also, loving yourself means knowing yourself. When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself instead of letting others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

 Moreover, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Furthermore, knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this messing thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means trusting your gut.

Your mind can deceive you and your heart can get you into trouble. But your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

Again, loving yourself means knowing yourself. If you love yourself and know who you are, bullies can name-call and ridicule you until doomsday and it will be least likely to phase you.

6. Stop seeking approval.

Self-acceptance never comes from the outside, it always comes from within. Therefore, get rid of the craving to be liked and be okay with being disliked by some.

Realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. In other words, for someone to make you feel bad, you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what people think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power.

Understand that their approval isn’t needed and just be. I promise you that you will feel so much better, not to mention, freer!

Therefore, be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices.

Also, do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own goals and dreams. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

7. Spend time alone.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Moreover, just because you’re alone doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. Alone and lonely have different meanings.

Spending time alone is healthy because it gives you time to unwind.

Also, alone time is beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.

8. believe in yourself.

This means believing in yourself even when it seems that no one else believes in you. That’s a hard thing to do but so important.

How you can do this is to think about all the successes you’ve won and the accomplishments you’ve made. Think of all your wins, even the tiny ones.

Also, think of all the happier times you’ve experienced. Try to remember all the positives and I promise, you’ll feel so good about yourself.

Moreover, think of all the people who love you and who want best for you. Reflect on all these things and your self-belief will skyrocket! Finally, you’ll care less what others think of you.

9. be yourself.

 This means continuing to be yourself even when those around you are trying to change you. Realize that if we all were the same, this life would be boring.

Therefore, be an original. Originals have way more value than cheap knock-off copies.

this post was all about how to stop caring what people think to help you raise your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use