Do you want to know unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you’ll know the exact behaviors to avoid? Here are things you shouldn’t do when being bullied so that you can overcome and emerge a winner!
To know what to do in a case of bullying sometimes means knowing first what not to do. Here are the no-no’s when people bully you.
In this post, you will learn what not to do when bullies victimize you, so that you’ll handle their abuse more effectively.
Once you learn all about these faux pas, you will make yourself less a victim and emerge a victor!
This post is all about the 7 most unhealthy ways to deal with bullying so that you come come out on the other side of it much happier and healthier.
Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying
Bullying throws you into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, you’ll often find other ways of coping.
Nevertheless, some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime you’re stuck in a toxic environment, you may become desperate and do things you usually don’t do to either escape or for relief.
1. Don’t instigate fights between others to take the bad attention off you.
I say this because I did that.
Some victims of bullying will pit a few classmates against each other. If they know of a few who dislike or hate each other, they very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.
An offhand comment here, another there, and they’ll have them fighting among themselves. Although it’s a shady thing to do, some victims try to keep others fighting among themselves.
But, why do they do this?
a. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: Reasons some victims instigate fights between others.
To distract the negative attention and hostility away from themselves
Although I don’t condone it, I do understand why some victims may do this. When you’re severely and chronically bullied, you become desperate to make it stop.
In other words, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, you may feel that,“ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.
So, you handle it the wrong way by keeping others too busy fighting each other to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone, all you want is to avoid the negative spotlight and keep yourself safe!
If you know of a few of your bullies who hate each other as much as they hate you, then perfect! You stoke the fires a little, and take advantage of it!
You very stealthily stir the pot between them because, as mentioned earlier, if you can keep them busy fighting each other, they’ll leave you alone. And let me tell you! It does work wonders!
But, heed this warning. This may keep people’s eyes off you for a little while. However, if someone happens to catch onto what you’re doing, the bullying you suffer will only skyrocket.
Moreover, you’ll be seen as a troublemaker. Now wouldn’t your bullies just love that!
They want to see someone else take heat for a change.
Why? Because it keeps them from feeling like they’re the only one being picked on. Therefore, this is more of a psychological payoff then anything else.
However, this isn’t the way to handle it.
c. Because they’re jealous of other people’s friendships and relationships.
Victims of bullying don’t only have to endure bullying and abuse. They also must sit on the sidelines and watch as other person enjoy all those social benefits of life.
Therefore, you’ll be tempted to cause friction in their relationships. Again, don’t! Because once they find out you pitted them against each other, they’ll only realign. And this time they’ll pursue you to the ends of the earth!
In other words, you’ll only make the bullying ten times worse!
I can’t stress this enough, don’t do it!
2. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Bully people weaker than you.
But why?
It’s because you feel powerless. Therefore, you become a bully yourself to feel more powerful. But understand that, although this may be the reason, it’s never an excuse.
Moreover, know that, if this is not something you normally do, you will be remorseful for it one day. Moreover, you will feel the need to apologize to those you hurt.
And, you know what? You absolutely should!
It’s much better to align with the people who are weaker than you and become a friend to them. Never bully anyone because you’re being bullied. The last thing you should do is take your pain out on someone you deem lesser than you.
It only makes you just as lowdown as your bullies. Moreover, you’ll miss out on opportunities for friendship because the person you bully is likely targeted by the same people who bully you.
Therefore, wouldn’t it be better (and smarter) to take advantage of the common ground you share with this person and befriend them?
I guarantee that becoming a friend would be a win-win situation for you both!
3. You feign illness to keep from going to school or work.
Why? Because you know that once you walk through the entrance, bullies will be waiting to pounce. This is understandable. All you want is for the abuse to stop.
Therefore, you find excuses to stay home, where you can be safe. However, this only causes bad grades and poor work performance. Moreover, it can cause the school to charge you with truancy or to expel you.
If it’s a job, your manager can terminate you. Therefore, the best way to handle it is to find a way to transfer to a new school or begin looking for a new job.
Whatever the case, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment.
4. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You resort to deception, con games, and trickery.
Many victims become master manipulators.
For example, a bullied girl in middle or high school may fake being pregnant to trick her classmates into leaving her alone. Also, she may do this in hopes of keeping others from physically attacking her.
Or, she may dress in bigger clothes to make her classmates wonder if she’s expecting. Therefore, she may not actually come out and lie about it. Girls are subtle like that.
The bullied girl may letting their curiosity build and cause them to continue asking if she’s pregnant. Then, after a while, she may use sarcasm and tell them she is. Moreover, she’ll do it knowing good and well that her classmates will take it and run with it.
So, the classmates will blab to everyone that the bullied girl is pregnant. It’ll work for a while and the joke will be on them.
Also, the girl knows that if her classmates find out she isn’t pregnant and try to call her on it, she can turn it back on them by saying,
“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so dimwitted that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”
However, this will backfire on her. Her classmates, especially, those who bully her, will be furious because they’ll know she tricked them.
Therefore, the bullying will increase exponentially.
5. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying: You Self-Harm.
Self-harm can be fatal. Many victims of bullying have died due to self-harm. Some of the deaths are intentional and others unintentional. Still, if nothing else, you must know this.
Your bullies are NOT worth dying over. You must realize that you’re only giving your bullies exactly what they want. Bullies either consciously or subconsciously, wish to kill you.
Only most bullies don’t have the guts to commit murder because they know they’d land in prison. Therefore, they hope like the dickens that you do it for them. Yes. I said that.
Why do you think bullies tell their victims to kill themselves or that they’re better off dead? Understand that bullies want to harm you. So, don’t do it for them.
Suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Know that you won’t always be a target of bullying and what you’re enduring is only one chapter, not the entire book.
Please, love yourself enough to keep living. Know your worth. And know that your life matters and you have value.
6. You Get Emotional.
Remember that bullies always look for a reaction and enjoy seeing your pain. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Otherwise, they’ll keep coming back for more of that psychological payoff!
I understand that it hurts when people abuse you and I know the hopelessness it can bring. My heart goes out to you.
However, learn to see behind their behavior. In other words, learn the reasons bullies bully. I guarantee that you’ll feel so much better when you do.
Also, their bad treatment won’t effect you as much once you learn where their meanness comes from.
7. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:
You self-Medicate.
Drugs aren’t the answer either. The only thing it will do is ruin your health. Please love yourself enough to take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got and your bullies aren’t worth you getting sick.
8. You apologize too much.
When bullies target you, it’s easy to get into the habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.
However, you must realize that a bully will take even a heartfelt apology and use it as a weapon!
Furthermore, your bullies will see it as confirmation that they’re right. Moreover, they’ll also see it as an admission that you are what they say you are, be it ignorant, clumsy, mentally imbalanced, whatever.
In short, any apology or admission serves bullies’ goals to re-enforce control over you.
In other words, to a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only reeks of surrender. Therefore, stop apologizing to them. They don’t deserve it.
Instead, find more powerful responses to use in place of an apology.
9. You Seek approval.
Hear this. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, especially the approval of bullies. The only approval that’s worth having is that of the people who love you for you and uplift you.
Therefore, don’t do anything to seek approval from people who don’t matter.
10. Unhealthy ways to deal with bullying:
You seek Attention.
The same goes for attention. You don’t need attention from these kinds of people. The only kind of attention you should have is that from people who love you and want what’s best for you.
Moreover, you don’t have to try so hard to get it from those who care the most about you. From them, it comes to you naturally.
Therefore, stop jumping through hoops for people who aren’t even worth your consideration. You’re better than that.
11. You Stay Silent Instead of Reporting it or talking about it
You don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember that bullying, as with any other form of abuse, thrives on you’re staying quiet.
Understand that you have a right to report it and you have a right to ask someone to help you. Moreover, you have a right to talk about it and tell your story.
If people are bullying you, don’t be quiet about it. Speak out!
This post lists the unhealthy ways of dealing with bullying so that you know what behaviors to avoid and seek better coping strategies.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying
2. Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies
3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
I can resonate with many of these, thought thankfully, I never self harmed. Number 10 was really true in my case because I thought that acting like some sort of class clown would get the bullies to leave me alone. Instead, I was just a dancing puppet on their stage. Great post again, Cherie.
Thank you so much, Michael! I think we’ve all made the same mistake you did. I know I did. 😊
One of the biggest ones you said is people staying in silence. That is huge! How many kids are tortured in school every day and scared to go because they are constantly being bullied but they are afraid to come across as a tattle-tale, have often been threatened, or frankly fear their teacher or Principal won’t do anything. Even worse is many schools have weak, ridiculous policies on bullying and cyberbullying. And you even have same parents that think bullying is a “rite of passage.” Online people say stuff to others they would never say in person. You need to record and report it anyway. Tell someone that will listen, report it, talk to a resource officer or a police officer. Don’t be silent and others don’t want to listen, don’t shut up about it. You are a perfect example. You went through a lot and became an advocate and have written books about it, been on Podcasts, the blog, etc. We need more of that and if someone sees anyone getting bullied, stand up for them! Get involved.
You’re right again, Bradley. As with any form of abuse, you absolutely must report bullying. This can be difficult because most people don’t want to be branded as snitches. However, bullying is abuse. And as soon as we begin to see it as such, we’ll begin to gather the courage to report it when it happens to us. Just as we would call a battered woman who reports the abuse she suffers as a brave woman, we should also call bullied people who report bullying brave also. Again, bullying is abuse just like domestic violence is abuse.