Month: October 2024

hope

Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

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‘Want to know the benefits of positive thinking so that you can create a positive mind and reap those advantages?

benefits of positive thinking

When you have people in your life who bully and abuse you, it can be difficult to think positive. However, if you knew the benefits of positive thinking even during unpleasant circumstances, you would probably be more willing to put in the extra work to create a positive mind.

In this post, you will learn all the benefits of positive thinking and how it will change your life.

Once you learn these seemingly unfair advantages, you will be more compelled to think positive even if you don’t feel like it. As a result, you’ll begin to attract better things into your life. Even better, you’ll be amazed at how it will better your world!

This post is all about the benefits of positive thinking so that you can attract better things to you and be happier and healthier!

Benefits of positive thinking

Before we go directly to the benefits, let’s discuss how all this works.

I’ve always heard people make the statement, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

The problem with this is that our attitudes shape our perspectives and perspectives shape what we see. In other words, our perspectives can blind us to a lot of stuff, even to what’s right in front of our faces.

Why? Because, if you have the mindset that you’ll believe it when you see it, the chances are that you never will see it.

This is the reason many targets are bullied. It’s the reason why innocent people are convicted of crimes they didn’t commit. It’s also the reason why many bullies and criminals are promoted to high positions. Because, to a degree, it’s all about our attitudes!

However, know that this doesn’t mean that what happens to you is your fault. Because, it isn’t! I repeat! You’re not to blame for what happens to you!

Most people often base their judgments of others on our attitudes towards them. Moreover, people assess others by what they’ve heard about them, or whether they like them.

Many times, people judge others too harshly because they can’t see past our dislike or hatred of them. Understand that this is how bullies are made and it’s a dark part of human nature!

The Drawbacks of Negative Thinking

Sadly, we also do this with our own lives as well. If we’ve had a string of adversity throughout our lives, we usually come to expect more of the same. Consequently, we end up getting just that! We get more of the same!

Moreover, we come to see ourselves as unlucky, undesirable, unlovable, and incapable of success. As a result of our thinking, we get more and more adversity because our attitudes and perspectives about our lives will blind us to opportunities.

Also, what is more shocking is opportunities we end up missing are, more than likely, right in front of us. These are opportunities that others may see and seize.

Then, we’ve missed out once again and thus, the cycle only continues.

Therefore, our thought patterns have ways of shaping and influencing our lives. Moreover, the ways that we think shape the things that happen in our lives, and where life takes us. And yes, our outlook even attracts people and events.

The benefits of positive thinking and why you should change the way you think

This is why we must do the inner work to change our thought patterns. We must check our attitudes and work to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The only way you will have a positive life is to have a positive attitude, then a positive perspective, which can only develop by having positive thoughts.

I know it’s hard to do when it seems that adversity is coming at you from every possible direction. Believe me, I understand because I’ve been there.

In fact, it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But I promise you this. If you start now by catching each negative thought and replacing it with a thought that’s positive, you’ll be surprised at how much better your life will get!

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Oooooh! But “What if it does?”

It worked for me and it’ll work for you too!

Therefore, change your mindset.

You are what you think.

You’ve heard the quote, “You are what you eat.” So, it goes with your thought processes. You are also what you think.

Targets of bullying can start off as confident and outgoing people. However, after years of bullying and abuse, they become insecure, afraid, and withdrawn.

Sometimes, they can turn against themselves. They began to think that they aren’t worthy of anything good in life. Moreover, they stop believing in their own good qualities.

Sadly, they no longer think they’ll ever be loved, ever be accepted, or ever be successful and that nothing will ever go right for them.

Then soon, things begin to happen that matches their thoughts and feelings. These poor people, began to fall out with friends and family and suffer back-to-back bad breaks. They finally develop feelings of self-loathing and end up alone, rejected and unsuccessful.

Benefits of positive thinking: Here’s how it works

Thought patterns determine outlook (attitude).

Outlook determines choices, decisions and behavior.

Decisions and behavior determine outcomes.

Outcomes determine events that happen in your life and your life’s trajectory.

All this then re-enforces your outlook (attitude).

This becomes a cycle and cycles always repeat themselves.

To put it simpler, anytime you think a thought, you send a message out into the universe.  Sooner or later, you get a response that matches. Moreover, this response always returns as an event, situation, or circumstance. And once it becomes a vicious cycle in your life, it’s damn hard to break that cycle.

However, know that this cycle can be broken, but it takes a lot of time, patience, and hard work. I can tell you from experience that the changes won’t happen overnight.

The reason for this is that, once a pattern is set, unseen forces (like your subconscious mind, for instance) will, at first, fight against any change you try to make. You could say that these unseen forces (your subconscious) have become comfortable with the way things are.

Just as most people hate change, so do the higher powers at work.

But know that if you keep at it, your breakthrough will present itself eventually. It has to after a while because of your refusal to give up.

On the other hand, the same order also goes with positive thoughts.

Positive thoughts equal a positive mind. A positive mind brings positive opportunities.

Therefore, positive opportunities lead to positive results. Altogether, they bolster confidence, which gives you a positive and extraordinary life!

It’s a shame most people go through life without learning this little nugget of wisdom. They go to the grave never learning this and so many other life secrets.

The benefits of positive thinking should motivate you to alter your outlook for the better.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you must be very careful that you don’t allow your bullies to cause you to mentally self-destruct. In other words, don’t allow the lies and toxic messages they send to influence the way you think of yourself.

You must fight like the devil to hold on to your self-belief. Your life and its trajectory depend on it!

If you hold on to your positive attitude and sense of self from the very beginning, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and hard work in the future. Most of all, you’ll save yourself from a lot of future pain and misery.

So, be aware that when bullies are attacking you at every turn, it’s too easy to allow your self-esteem to erode. As a result, you end up losing the initial positive attitude.

Moreover, if you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and give up on your goals. Here are 3 Life Secrets that everyone (especially targets) should learn. And once you learn them, hold them close no matter how others may treat you.

You can use them to keep your self-esteem from tanking.

Finally, the 6 benefits of positive thinking:

1. You Have Improved Mental Health.

It uplifts your mood! You begin to feel better and more hopeful. Therefore, you’ll see a better path forward. And the best part is that you’ll experience joy!

2. You’ll attract better people into your life.

Your good mood will spread to others and they’ll take notice. The right people will want to be around you because they will want some of the feel-good that you’ve got!

In other words, you’ll be more pleasant to be around. Understand that others who aren’t bullies love being around those who have a positive mindset.

Why? Because your mindset has a way of radiating outward through the vibrations and energy you unconsciously put out.

So, if you have a positive mindset, the people around you will feel it and they’ll gravitate toward you. This is how you will meet dates, partners, and lifelong friends.

3. Benefits of positive thinking: You’ll attract better opportunities.

That includes better job opportunities and better social and romantic opportunities as well. Managers love potential employees who are positive. Moreover, it’s the same for potential business partners, dates, friends, and associates.

Most people love those who have a positive attitude. Because a positive attitude is a winning attitude! Everyone loves a winner! That is, everyone, except bullies and abusers.

4. You’ll be grateful with what you have instead of resentful over what you don’t have.

You’ll focus on what you do have and not moan about the things you don’t have. Moreover, you’ll work toward achieving your desires instead of just sitting around wishing for them.

And because you work for it, you will more than likely attain it because no one every got anything by wishing for it.

5. Your positive attitude will become ironclad.

In other words, if you practice positive thinking long enough, it will become a habit! You’ll think positive without even thinking about it and your happiness will increase several-fold!

6. You’ll begin to score wins left and right!

In other words, you’ll see success after success! And who doesn’t want that! With a positive outlook, you’re likely to make the right choices and decisions, which will lead to accomplishments you never thought possible!

this post was all about the benefits of positive thinking and why you should change negative thought patterns.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

25 signs of a toxic person psychology

25 Signs of a Toxic Person

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‘Want to know the 25 signs of a toxic person? Here are the tell-tale indicators that you need to be aware of.

25 signs of a toxic person

One of the first steps in protecting yourself from bullying is to know what types of people you should avoid. Also understand that trusting your feelings is just as important.

Why? Because some people are experts at hiding their true intentions and some things just aren’t so obvious.

In this post, you will learn the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can protect yourself by knowing who to stay away from

Once you learn all these red flags, you will be able to better shield yourself from evil people and protect your peace.

This post is all about the 25 signs of a toxic person you need to know about.

25 Signs of a toxic person

It’s a good thing that we all have a sixth sense and are able to sense the vibes and energy others put out. This can also work in our favor. The trick is to listen to that innate instinct and trust it.

 You can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether

1. taking and never giving

If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. gaslighting

This is a person who never takes responsibility for their behavior. Moreover, they find everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves.

What’s really bad is that they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection.

At the same time, they throw stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins.

Therefore, don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They Constantly Criticize

Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains.

Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out.

These people constantly criticize you. They seem to have a problem with every thing you do and how you do it. Moreover, they have a problem with how you look, what you wear, the way you keep your house… everything!

It seems they search for things to nitpick. These are folks you want to show the door to, quickly!

4. Stabbing you in the back

The backstabber is someone who is two-faced. They smile in your face but trash you once you’re not around.

Here’s something else to think about. If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it.

 This person will often pretend to be your friend. The sad thing is that you’re usually the last to know.

Therefore, you should never trust this person. Be careful what you share, not only with these people, but with anyone. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

Understand that this person isn’t worth knowing. So, take out the trash.

5. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They’re a Shallow Hal.

If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. This person is superficial and is constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks.

Moreover, they may talk trash about the clothes others wear, or the car they drive. So, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. Neediness.

The needy person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then he complains when he doesn’t find them.

Moreover, they do this while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting the people who’ve been there for them.

Understand that they aren’t worth your time and you should act as if they don’t exist!

7. Constantly One-Upping You.

This person one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two.

If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture.

Therefore, they’re all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you to look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They invalidate your feelings.

Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information.

If someone tells you how you feel, they claim to know the unknowable. Moreover, if they tell you how you should feel, they send the message that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do.

No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. They’re jealous of your good fortunes.

This person is never happy for you when you reach success. In other words, they secretly resent you each time you make an accomplishment.

Moreover, you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking.

What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10. They like to stir the pot.

This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. They work as a double-agent.

In other words, they like to go back and forth, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out.

Get rid of this creep! Fast!

11. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The Drama Queen

Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this bad egg is a chronic complainer and always seems to be in a jam. Their misfortune seems to be never-ending.

In other words, they have bad break after bad break.

Now, we all have times when we must vent, and we all have bad luck at times. That’s perfectly normal. But when it’s constant, you have to wonder if the person is, somehow, bringing much of it on themselves.

Moreover, they have a problem for every solution. These types are never happy and impossible to please.  In fact, they will blame others for their misfortunes.

More importantly, drama queens and kings also tend to be suspicious of others. They’re the type who think that everyone is out to get them or everyone has ulterior motives.

And if they think everyone is out to get them, they’ll think you’re out to get them too and they will try to get you before you get them.

Additionally, if they have to do any kind of work, they’ll whine and bellyache about it.

Realize that bad moods have ways of spreading fast. No one wants to be around a nosebleed who whines constantly.

Therefore, stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood.

12. Belittling and ridiculing your goals and dreams

when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it.

For example, if you decide to go back to school, your so-called friend will tell you that you’re not smart enough. They may even tell you that you’ll be doomed to fail.

Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down. Even worse, they may cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

13. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They love to gossip.

This individual is a walking tabloid. You’ll see and hear her talking trash about different people and you’ll notice she does it all the time.

Moreover, she tell you everyone else’s business and might even broadcast her own to get you to divulge yours.

Many gossips will even talk about people they don’t know but have only heard about. They always seem to know everything about everyone– everything, short of their bathroom habits.

14. The person is nosy.

 Virulently nosy! This snoop should be considered a twin sister to the gossip.

Why? Because most gossips tend to consistently have their face in everyone’s else’s business.

You will often find them asking others personal questions. They’ll ask them about their finances, how much they get paid. Heck! Some will even ask about their sex life or whether they have one!

Moreover, you’ll find them with their ear to the door, eavesdropping on conversations. Also, you may witness them eyeing others closely, butting in, and inserting their cheap two-cents where it doesn’t belong.

Therefore, it’s best to avoid these people at all costs!

15. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

Passive-Aggression.

These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. In other words, they’ll hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser.

Moreover, this person is sneaky and should be avoided because if they even think you’ve slighted them somehow, they’ll unless a rash of covert attacks. And you won’t even see it coming until it’s too late.

Also, if they have an agenda and you just happen to be standing in their way, look out! They will make your life a living hell. This person is to be avoided at all costs!

Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

16. They make you feel like second choice.

If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away.

Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D. Tell this creep to go pound sand!

17. They only come around when they want something.

Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. In other words, they only love the benefits your friendship brings them.

These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.

You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. Therefore, understand that you’re much more than that.

Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!

18. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They put out bad vibes

When we’re around some people we can sense that something is off about them. In other words, we pick up on the vibes and energies they put out that don’t feel quite right.

Always listen to your gut feeling because vibrations don’t lie. Then keep this person at arm’s length!

19. They’re fake.

These types of people are always trying to be someone they aren’t. However, if they aren’t happy with themselves, they won’t be happy with you either.

It’s best to eighty-six their butt! Pronto!

20. The attention-seeker

This person is also calling and texting because they need emotional support. Granted, there are times when we all need it

Also, they may show off.

However, if you have someone in your life who seems to constantly need it, or they’re constantly trying to show out to impress others, it may be time to cut ties. This kind of person is exhausting to be around and you must do what you must to protect your psychological well-being.

21. 25 Signs of Toxic People:

They thrive on manipulation.

This person manipulates the people around them to get what they want. They stretch the truth, tell little white lies and use circumstances to their advantage.

However, if they manipulate others, they’ll do it to you too. Avoid them at all costs!

22. They lay guilt trips.

These types of people will try making you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do.  Don’t fall for it and don’t capitulate to them. If you don’t want to do something, there’s no law that says you have to.

Avoid this person as well!

23. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The pathological liar

This is a no-brainer. Avoid anyone who’s dishonest because you can never trust them.

24. The control freak

These types want to be in control all the time. They expect you to do everything their way instead of having your own way of getting things done.

Moreover, they want to have control over your life. And they don’t like to ask. They prefer to give orders.

If you have someone in your life who likes to tell you what to do, it’s best to sever ties and preserve your autonomy.

25. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They’re arrogant.

This individual thinks they’re better than you. They’re condescending, patronizing, and look down their nose at anyone they think is less intelligent, has less money, or doesn’t measure up to their standards.

However, realize that their arrogance is only a cover for insecurities. Also, it’s a front to deceive people into believing that they’re better than what they are.

Walk away from this person!

If you want to protect yourself from all kinds of evil people, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are of no value to you.

 Therefore, take out the trash.

In Conclusion:

You must create your own value, and you do this is by how you allow others to treat you. Therefore, treat yourself well and never settle for people who don’t see your worth.

Realize that it’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier, neither is it your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves.

Therefore, take back your self-respect and your power. Get rid of anyone who shows any of the above signs and save yourself a ton of future heartache.

Again, anyone who seems to suck the life out of you doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Although you can’t control their behavior, you do have a choice of whether to have any more to do with them.

You have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

This post was all about the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can know who to part with and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

I need you

When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

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When you need someone more than they need you, what do you do to break the spell that person has over you? Would you like to know? As someone who’s been caught in that trap, I’m giving you eight easy ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

when you need someone more than they need you

You may be a victim of bullying who’s rejected, lonely and desperate for friends. Or, maybe you’re a battered woman trapped in an abusive and controlling relationship. Nevertheless, anytime you need someone else more than they need you, it’s a trap that’s hard to pry yourself out of.

As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you effective ways to tip the scales of power in your favor when you need someone more than they need you.

You will learn easy and foolproof ways to escape the grip of a controlling person whether it’s a bully, fake friend, or abusive partner. You will then take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about these empowering methods, you will re-empower yourself and take back your personal power, independence, and your freedom. Then, you will be able to lead your life in the direction you wish and bravely assert your rights to be treated with dignity and respect.

This post is all about how to tip the balance of power when you need someone more than they need you. Also, it’s about becoming re-empowered to take your autonomy and your life back so that you can finally live happier and in peace.

When you need someone more than they need you.

So, what happens anytime you allow someone to put you in the position where you need them more than they need you?

You allow someone else to control you. In that, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

In other words, you put yourself at the other’s mercy.

Therefore, never allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner. The same goes if you’re a target of bullying. Never hang on to fake friends because you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends.

Moreover, never seek attention because you feel deprived of it. Why? Because, if you do any of these things, you make yourself a slave to others.

As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

What other people see when you need someone more than they need you

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who constantly makes themselves readily available. It’s the same for a person who always hangs around, and (gasp!) who chases after approval and human connection.

On the other hand, a person who makes themselves rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when bullies bully you. Also, I realize the level of heartache when fake friends throw you under the bus and turn on you. Therefore, my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. And you definitely don’t want to do it by giving these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them do it. Moreover, let them misunderstand you and look down their noses at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Every bully’s biggest desire is to see for themselves how their abuse affects you.

Nine times out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. In other words, they want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly.

And why not? It’s a dark part of human nature that people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working to tear you down. And most of all, they want confirmation that they have power over you.

Your bullies and abusers want absolute assurance that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Furthermore, they want you dependent on their say so.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. As a result, each of these women gave up her independence.

 Thus, she became totally dependent on him. Consequently thereafter, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

The end result when you need someone more than they need you:

My very abusive grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. Calling herself being the dutiful wife, she allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

Moreover, my granddad promised her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job.

Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off. Additionally, he sold the car behind her back! Right out from under her!

Therefore, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and tipped the balance of power in her favor.

A bully can be a domineering classmate, a supervisor, or an abusive spouse or parent.

My grandfather was also an abusive, domineering parent. He tried to control the life of his oldest daughter, my aunt.

For example, he tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old. Why? Because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb and within his reach.

However, she dared to defy him and get married anyway, with my grandmother’s permission. My aunt married Uncle Gene behind my grandfather’s back.

As a result, granddad showed up at the house my aunt and her new husband had rented and physically attacked her in her own driveway.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this story. It’s because there’s a point to it. And, the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing.

They want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets. In other words, they want complete control over their target’s lives.

Understand that this is all a form of coercive control.

When you need someone more than they need you, you leave yourself at that person’s mercy.

What do these bullies have to gain from ruling their targets with an iron fist? Power! Raw power! That’s what they have to gain.

Put simpler, bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Moreover, bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs. In that, they need their approval to provide for themselves and their families.

Also, it’s the same with bullies in government, better known as tyrants or despots. Tyrants want their constituents to think they need their permission to have freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so to have friends and a good social life. Moreover, they want the power to decide whether their victims have psychological and physical safety.

Understand that bullies are all about CONTROL and DOMINANCE. Nothing more!

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

What are the easy ways to tip the scales of power when you need someone more than they need you?

1. Do Not Comply.

In other words, if you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting. Moreover, if he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, take it with a grain of salt.

Continue to stand firm no matter how tough he makes life for you at home. Also, the same goes if you’re a student and he wants you to drop out of college. Keep going to class and do NOT drop out.

Understand that much of the power a bully holds depends on your compliance. Therefore, when you refuse to comply with bullies’ demands, you instantly snatch back your personal power.

2. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away.

Here’s another nugget of advice for abused partners. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

Abusive partners will take control of any money that comes into the household. Why? To keep you broke so that you’ll stay dependent on them.

Think about it! Communist and Socialist governments do the same thing to the people they govern. Dictators, Tyrants, and Despots take complete control of business and production and seize the food and money supply to ensure that the people obey their demands. Also, they do these things to keep the people dependent on government for their very survival.

Abusive and controlling partners and tyrannical governments (dictators, tyrants, and despots) are the same types of people. Bullies are bullies are bullies!

This brings me to number three.

3. When you need someone more than they need you: What If you’re under the rule of a bully official?

If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands, or even millions. Therefore, there is strength in numbers.

Find a way to use that against them.

4. What If you’re the target of bullying in the workplace by a bully boss or bully coworkers?

If this is the case, you should quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. Moreover, whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference.

Then, when you find another job, quit!

Understand that staying in a toxic workplace isn’t worth the risks to your mental health! Therefore, find a way out as soon as possible!

5. Make friends outside the bullying environment.

In other words, make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Your bullies and others at work or school may not value you. However, it doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

Chances are that it will be much easier for you to make new friends outside of the toxic place. Therefore, do this. However, when you do, know that there’s no need to tell your new friends about the bullying you suffer at work or school.

This is information nobody on the outside (besides your family) needs to know.

6. Take a self-defense class.

If you’re dealing with physical bullies, you may want to take a self-defense class. MMA training helps to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

However, it’s best not to use it until you advance a few levels and feel confident in what you’ve learned.

7. Keep your sense of self intact.

In other words, continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat and degrade you. Hold onto your self-belief.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. Know that you have a choice of whether to keep toxic people in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. They may mistreat you terribly, but they can’t take your mind if you don’t let them.

8. If all else fails, leave the toxic environment. Rent a new house or move to a new area, job, or school.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

In conclusion, never allow someone to put you in a position where you need them more than they need you. Find a way to re-balance those power scales!

This post was all about what to do when you need someone more than they need you so that you can take back your personal power.

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

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‘Want to know exactly how to go about beating bullies at their own game? Here are 9 proven and effective tactics every bullied victim must know.

beating bullies at their own game

When bullies target you, it can leave you overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. Why? Because it seems that they knock you down at every turn, then keep you down. However, there are easy ways of beating bullies at their own game. You just need to know how to do it and do it successfully.

As someone who’s experienced it and learned the art of beating bullies at their own game, I’m giving you the nine easy but effective ways to outfox and outmaneuver your bullies.

In this post, you will learn the nine most effective ways to win against your bullies and become virtually invincible to bullies.

Once you learn these so-easy-it-shouldn’t-work strategies, you will rise above your bullies and become your own hero.

This post is all about beating bullies at their own game and the techniques you should use to do it successfully.

Beating bullies at their own game

Let’s get right into it! Here are the nine easy strategies you can use to turn the tables on your bullies.

1. See your bullies’ behavior for what it is, know where it comes from and realize the intentions behind it.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. This is a weakness and you can use it as such if you know how.

Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors and if you’re a target of bullying, you’ve probably had people do the same to you on more than one occasion.

However, the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is, where it comes from, and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening.

Instead, it becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

Beating bullies at their own game means realizing that your bullies are miserable and pitiful souls.

Moreover, it must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol! Bullies must carry around all that baggage and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you.

All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later! All that effort to bring you down! And for what?

Attention? Is the meanness designed to intimidate those they find threatening?  Maybe the bullies want to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone. Or, they may think it makes them look big and tough.  They may think their behavior looks cute.

Nevertheless, the end goal is to feel better about themselves and more superior.

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. However, after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap.

Moreover, there comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did.

As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

2. Beating bullies at their own game: Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.

Watch the bullies continue the same worn-out behaviors, making arses of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. They may even use gaslighting to prompt you to get defensive.

Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. However, it store bores you to death because, again, you just don’t care.

Therefore, you no longer react to it. You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open.

Again, bullies don’t realize that, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, they eventually reduce their effectiveness and become a real yawn. Moreover, your bullies become so pathetic in your eyes that you can’t help but to shake your head in pity.

So, understand that here are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

3. Keep being yourself.

In other words, don’t let their childish behavior change you. Again, this takes re-framing your mindset to see their behavior as an indicator that there is something wrong with them and not you.

Therefore, relax, be yourself, and let the haters hate.

4. Beating bullies at their own game: Keep taking care of yourself.

Put simpler, keep doing the things fulfill you and creating the life you desire. Practicing self-care is of the most importance when people bully you.

Eat right, exercise, take care of your physical and mental health.

The key here is to create your own happiness and well-being.

5. Focus on and take care of the people you love and who love you.

Instead of focusing on the people who could care less about you and want to see you suffer, focus on the people who love you and who lift you up. Usually, these people are your closest family members and friends.

Moreover, realize that those who don’t see your worth shouldn’t live in your head rent free. So, promptly evict them because they aren’t worthy of one ounce of your energy.

Also, work to create happy moments with these people because they love you and want nothing but the very best for you. Attend family gatherings or host them. Take trips with these wonderful souls. Stay connected with your people.

6. Beating bullies at their own game: Pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Work on your goals and focus on the things you wish to accomplish. This is, by far, the best way to handle bullies. Why? Because when you keep your mind on your goals and dreams, you’ll have no time to think about your bullies.

And, if you don’t think about them, they can’t control you. Heck, they can’t even phase you. And that’s a win for you and a loss for them. Remember that bullies try to get your attention. This is the best way to avoid giving it to them.

7. Get out and enjoy nature.

In other words, go for a walk in the woods. Or, you can go to the park and read a good book on a beautiful fall day. Whatever you love to do outdoors, whether it’s lying on the beach or walking your dog on a walking trail, get outside and enjoy nature.

It’s the best way to recharge, relax, and unwind. Also, it drives away depression because it releases endorphins. Moreover, it gives you lots of vitamin D3 from the sun!

8. Learn new things.

In other words, read, write, and look for lessons life can teach you. The point is not to let yourself stagnate. If you’re not learning new things, you stagnate very easily and that only brings depression.

Therefore, always take the opportunity to learn new things. For example, you could take a course or go to the library and check out a good self-help book to read. Whatever way you choose to learn, always strive to acquire new knowledge.

Your mental health will thank you! I guarantee it!

9. Pay them no mind and keep doing you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

Moreover, once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up.

Therefore, realize that it’s about self. The key is to stop focusing outward and start focusing inward. In other words, work on yourself. Why? Because, as stated earlier, when you’re too busy working on yourself, your bullies become irrelevant very quickly. As they should.

Realize that the reason bullies act the way that they do is because they have no lives. Moreover, they have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they try to take control over yours. Bullies truly are the most miserable of humans on earth. And once you realize this proven fact, they will no longer be an issue.

This is how you beat bullies at their own game!

This post was all about beating bullies at their own game so that you can finally take back your peace and therefore, control over your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

discouraged

When Others Tell You You Can’t: 8 Reasons They Discourage You

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When others tell you, “You Can’t,” does it annoy you or does it cause you to believe in yourself a little less each time they say it?

Understand that there are reasons why people say this. ‘Wanna know what those reasons are?

when others tell you you can't

When you have people telling you that you can’t do, be or accomplish something, it can be a real morale-killer. Sadly, victims of bullying and abuse hear this reply a lot! If you’re one of these people like I was, you must know why they do it.

In this post, you will learn the reasons why others tell you, “you can’t.” You’ll also learn the exact motivations and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all these reasons, motivations, and intentions and the place the statement comes from, you will be better able to blow it off and do it anyway.

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t”

“When others tell you, “you can’t,” they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

– Cherie White –

There are reasons why people discourage you. Sometimes, it’s unintentional. However, more often, it’s purposeful. Here are the reasons why they say this and why you should let it go in one ear and out the other.

1. Jealousy

Many times, people abuse and mistreat you because they are more aware of your potential than you are. In other words, they are jealous of that potential.

Understand that these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your dreams and try their hardest to make you ashamed of them so that you’ll stop pursuing them.

They know that if they can convince you to stop pursuing those dreams and worse, stop believing in yourself, they just might steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

2. When others tell you, “you can’t,” It’s because your success would be a threat to their power

This is especially true with bullies and abusers. Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people just aren’t happy people. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

Therefore, if you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults and horrible names, they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

 Moreover, when people say that you will never amount to anything nor achieve anything, it’s because they want you to believe it. And, if you allow them to convince you that you’re nothing, you will unknowingly began to live up to it.

Therefore, you’ll only play right into their hands. You must never allow yourself to be taken in by these monsters. Hold on to your confidence no matter what! Refuse to believe their hogwash!

3. To tear down your confidence.

Some people are envious of your confidence and do everything possible to destroy it. Therefore, they constantly belittle you and put you down.

However, you must know why they do it. And that’s to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. Again, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Confidence alone is enough to threaten bullies.

4. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s Because they’re afraid you’ll show them up.

Moreover, they’re afraid that you’ll prove them all wrong and force them to back-peddle and eat every nasty word that came out of their mouths about you.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up. Even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

Why? Because when the perceived underdog makes a huge accomplishment, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the over-dogs. Moreover, he exposes them by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

In other words, when you become a winner, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do. You also remind them of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them their nude reflections. You reflect back to them the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

Therefore, it’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

This is exactly what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

5. At their core, they are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. Therefore, they put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. Your bullies and abusers must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

6. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s because They want to stay superior to you.

In other words, they don’t want you to be equal and they for damn sure can’t stand the thought of you being superior to them! Noooo!

7. To make you nervous

Why? Because they know that when a person is nervous, they’re likely to make mistakes.

Think about it. When you’re extremely nervous, you drop things and trip over stuff. Why?  Because the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. In other words, it makes you clumsy. The human stress response is a tricky little devil!

You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse. Moreover, you become fearful of screwing up and afraid to fail. You’re also afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely.

Also, you know that your mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.

For example, a bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.

And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when nerves take over.

Additionally, when your mind and body are in panic mode, your brain begins to rewire itself for a hostile environment. It does this after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment.

Therefore,  the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!

8. When Others Tell You, “You Can’t,” It’s only To Psychologically sabotage you

Realize that this is nothing more than a psychological operation that bullies employ to trick your mind into believing that you just might fail. Therefore, do not, no matter what, allow these people to manipulate you this way!

Why? Because they really will cause you to self-sabotage and fail if you do.

This is why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school. Also, it’s why victims of workplace bullying often have work projects that decline.

As a result, teachers and supervisors look at victims of bullying as failures and nuisances.

You may need to leave the toxic environment.

This is why you must get out of the bullying environment and away from those poisonous people if the bullying seems to get worse. Your life and your life chances depend on it.

And once you’re out of that toxic place, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!

Moreover, you’ll be astonished at how your grades in school skyrocket and your performance at work drastically improves!

Why? Because the nervousness will fade quickly. Therefore, you will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.

The relief will be so great! You will have the feeling of coming up for air after having your head held underwater. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start anew!

It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.

Also, because you’ll be a fresh face.  In most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.

Once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. I guarantee it!

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t” – In Summary:

If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, expect bullies and even people who aren’t bullies to discourage you. Moreover, If you happen to be a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.

See it for what it’s designed to do. And that is to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing.

Even bullies know that if you keep trying  long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.

Realize that bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior.

Moreover, understand that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.

Proverbially, any success you enjoy only takes your bullies down a notch or two.  This makes them angry. Therefore, they want to put you back in your place.

Therefore, when you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. No way will they allow you to upstage them.

When this happens, don’t feel bad but feel good about it. Why? Because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant. Look forward to when others tell you, “you can’t.”

Then let it go in one ear and out the other and keep working hard. Moreover, never apologize for any successes you’ve had.

This post is all about how to respond when others tell you, “you Can’t,” so that you can ignore the naysayers, save your self-esteem and keep striving to reach your goals!

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

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Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

people pleasing behavior

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

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 The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.

disadvantages of being a people pleaser

It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.

Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.

Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.

This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.

Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser

Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse,  do it.

As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.

 Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.

Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.

Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.

Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.

Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.

However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

Here are 7 consequences.

1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.

Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.

You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.

Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.

2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.

Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.

After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?

You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.

 3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.

Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.

Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!

4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.

Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.

If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.

Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.

 5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.

Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.

Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.

People Watch you all the time.

Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.

On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.

Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.

1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.

2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.

This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!

 6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.

I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.

There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.

7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.

In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.

However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.

Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.

They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.

This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For