‘Want to know how to choose your friends wisely even if people are bullying you? Here are the exact criteria to go by.
Choosing friends can be especially difficult when you’re a target of bullying. Because bullies have maligned you to others and destroyed your once-good reputation, you may not have any friends at all.
As a result, you can become so desperate for friendship that you may choose people who only come around to take advantage of you. Therefore, it’s essential that you learn how to choose your friends wisely.
In this post, you will learn the exact criteria you should base your choices of friends on.
After you learn which characteristics to look for, you will then be able to choose your friends wisely and shun those who are not healthy for you. Moreover, you will have the courage to give fake friends the boot and wait until better people come along.
This post is all about How to Choose your friends wisely and the criteria you should use when making your selection.
Before we go over the criteria, let’s discuss why people pick the wrong people to be friends with.
It’s normal to respond positively to people who smile at you and those who are or, at least, seem kind and like “nice people.” However, you should never take people at face value because appearances can be deceiving.
Anytime you’re a target of intense and chronic bullying, there will be time when you will feel lonely. Moreover, that loneliness can grow so much until you become too determined to have friends. This will leave you vulnerable.
Consequently, human predators will notice your vulnerability and they will take full advantage of it. But that’s not all.
They may even do worse! They may exploit and weaponize it against you!
Therefore, if people ritualistically bully you every day, it’s imperative that you keep your eyes open and watch out for these types. Also, never allow desperation for friendship trick you into lowering your standards. You must remain selective to keep the creeps away.
Choose your friends wisely: What Characteristics should you look for?
Being selective of your friends doesn’t mean choosing the type who only tell you what you want to hear. You can get that anywhere. Moreover, many people will tickle your ears just to manipulate you or soften you up.
It goes much deeper.
Also, it’s not about how much money or prestige they have- the hot car they drive or latest fashions they wear. Neither is it about how good they look or how popular they are.
It’s all in how they make us feel about ourselves, and the space they give us to grow. Even better, it’s how they help us to grow and vice versa.
Understand that you can’t buy things like honesty, loyalty, integrity, class, respect, and love. The person either has them or they don’t. And there are a lot of people with money and wealth who are as slimy as can be.
Here are the criteria:
1. Do they show up?
Consistency is key in a friendship. Do you ever hear from them? And no, I don’t mean pauses between visits. Sometimes life gets in the way and people get so busy that they go for several months without seeing their friends. However, they still maintain some contact even if it’s through social media.
Therefore, if you don’t hear a peep out of the person you call friend for over a year or two, it’s pretty good guess that you’ve drifted apart. In life, friends do come and go and it’s a normal part of life.
But, when you’re the only one initiating contact, that’s a problem. It’s a sign that you’re making all the investments.
2. Choose your friends wisely: Have they been there for you when the chips were down?
This is a biggie! Supportiveness is crucial in a friendship. If your friends are always there when you’re riding high, then suddenly disappear when you’re flat on your back, that’s a huge red flag.
Don’t settle for fair-weather friends. You only want friends who are there when you’re sick, broke, grieving the death of a loved one, or just having a hard time. These types of friends are keepers because, rain or shine, they’re there for you regardless.
3. Do they have your back when your bullies come calling?
This is another biggie! Real friends will back you up when nefarious people come against you. They’ll protect you from the unsavory types. Fake friends will only bail on you and leave you to fend for yourself.
Therefore, it’s crucial that you be selective. Because, when friends who disappear when you’re in danger, they only prove themselves to be sniveling cowards. What you need are strong and brave friends who aren’t afraid to stand up for you when you’re being attacked.
4. Choose your friends wisely: Do they respect you?
Do they treat you as an equal or do they treat you as if you’re inferior? Do they throw backhanded comments and talk over you when you’re speaking or do they allow you to speak and respect your feelings.
Moreover, do they respect your opinions even if those opinions differ from theirs? And do they respect your time? In other words, do they get angry when you can’t be there right away because you have a sick child or parent?
These are the questions you must ask yourself anytime you’re in doubt about a friendship. Because if they have no respect for you, it’s time to ditch and switch.
This means ditch the friends who don’t respect you and switch to friends who do. And if you don’t have friends who respect you, find some.
5. Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?
When you’re around friends who only tolerate you, you can tell right off. You feel awkward around them because you notice little micro-flashes of resentment. You’ll also notice that you’re always lagging behind the rest of the group because they won’t stop and wait on you.
Also, they make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, they make you feel left out and discarded.
You’ll also notice it in how they look at you and in how different they treat you compared to how they treat the other members. Even more hurtful is the fact that you’re the only one in the group who never gets an invite to any shindigs they may have.
These are all clues that these people are not right for you! They’re a complete waste of your time and energy. Therefore, drop this bunch like a bad habit.
6. Choose your friends wisely: Can you trust them?
In other words, have they ever stolen from you or dated your partner behind your back? This should be a no-brainer. Anyone who does these things is dishonest and lacks integrity. Not to mention, they’re about as loyal as a snake! Time to give them the old heave ho!
7. Do they trust you?
In other words, do they judge you by your good actions and refuse to believe it when bullies and others speak negatively of you? This is super important. Anyone who automatically believes lies and smears about you doesn’t deserve your friendship and you should tell this person to get lost!
This bears repeating! When someone you think is your friend takes a bully’s word over yours, this person might as well be an enemy. Drop them like a hot brick!
8. Are they forgiving?
In other words, do they forgive you after a spat. Do they know that you’re still their friend even if you must go a long time without contact? If so, you have a keeper. If not, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship and make some changes.
9. Choose your friends wisely: Are they good listeners?
In other words, are they there for you when you need to talk? Moreover, do they listen attentively when you need a shoulder to cry on? This is just as important.
If your friends won’t do any of these things, it’s time to decide whether you want to remain friends with them.
In closing:
Selectiveness is important. Although media, politicians, and other talking heads trumpet terms such as “inclusive,” “inclusivity,” and such. However, being selective is not being exclusive.
When you’re selective of your friends, it means that you pick people of integrity and keep out the snakes to protect your peace.
Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means the people who want to see you do good for yourself, the people who point you in the right direction, and the people who remain loyal even when the chips are down.
Associate only with the people who love, encourage and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.
They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. They will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let in your life.
This post was all about how to choose your friends wisely so that you can head off trouble before it comes and protect yourself from future betrayal and heartbreak.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators
2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect
3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot
4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons
Excellent post! Shameless plug, my recent post touches on this.
Thank you so much, Michael! I will definitely read “Shameless Plug.”
Finding the right friends is difficult. You can’t search for them either. How could you do that? I have parted with so many supposed friends in recent years because they weren’t there when I needed them. The end of the story: I am now alone. But I prefer that to getting involved with the wrong people. Example:
For 22 years I thought I had a boyfriend. His name was Dieter. I asked him to testify in court. He should not add anything to it and also not leave anything out. He should just say what he saw. He did not do it. Supposedly he could not remember anything.
For me, this meant a loss of several thousand euros, which I now lack to shoulder the rising energy and food prices.
Oh, Linda! I’m so sorry he did that to you, honey! And I’m so sorry those so-called friends weren’t there for you! Know that you’re a very brave woman in choosing to be alone rather than keep company with friends who aren’t true. Because I know first hand how difficult that is to do. But know this, in choosing to be alone, you’re sending the message that you’re ready to make room for friends who are genuine and life will reward you for it. It may take a while, but the people who are worthy of you will find you and it will all be worth it in the end. Your time and your turn is coming. Believe it! Sending you lots of love and hugs! 💖🤗💖🤗
Dear Cherie. When I see your picture, the red one, next to the comment column, I see a woman who looks a bit melancholic and also sad, who has experienced a lot, but who has her heart in the right place and is fighting to bring more justice into this unjust world. Then the feeling rises up in me, I would have to hold you and sometimes, like now, even a tear rolls down my cheek.
I can manage well on my own, but it hurts not to have a family more.
Thank you for your understanding.
You’re very welcome, Linda! 💖 And thank you for your kind words. That picture is a few years old. And there’s a funny story behind that picture. I had a severe head-cold when it was taken. My husband had to make a few attempts before we were finally successful because every time he’d snap the picture, I’d go into a sneezing fit. 😂🤣😂🤣 We were taking it because I needed an after picture for after I lost weight from surgery that year.
This is just perfect for me today. I am much better off keeping to myself and only dealing with a few select people. The ones who will treat me right 😊 💕
You sure are better off, Ruby! I’m so proud of you! Just look at how far you’ve come! 💖🏆🎉
This is so true!
Thank you so much, Sara! 💖
Finding a true friend is difficult, but I found mine on the first day of secondary school. She was bossy, where I was shy, but then we worked well together. We still do. She is my bestie, and even moving to America when she was fifteen didn’t change that. It took all I had to take a chance on her, but I am so glad I did.
I’m so happy for you, dear! You took a chance on her and it paid off huge! Keep her close to your heart because she’s worth more than gold! True friends are earth angels sent from above! 💖💖💖
Real good post! I have numerous thoughts based on my own experiences I would like to share on this. Just a little background, sadly I have lost several friends and family members due to the political climate in this country. I am very Far Left but live in a very Red state. Unfortunately some of my family members and once close friends think if I don’t believe like they do then we can’t get along. Sadly the people I keep the closest in touch with are friends who live in a very Blue state. I tried and tried to keep my views silent but some people kept attacking me so we had to disassociate. Now on to your stuff.
1) This has always been a struggle for me. I have a rule which has worked well for me. I will contact you a couple of times. If by the third time, you have not responded, you won’t hear from me again until you initate it. I will ask you to do something with me/invite you twice. If you turn both times down, you have to do that asking the next time. If you bail on me last second, then you do the asking the next time.
2) If I can’t call you at 2 in the morning with a problem. You aren’t a close friend.
3)Everyone at some point puts up with crap whether it is conventional bullying, a jealous ex, family situations, workplace stuff, etc. Sometimes attempts at bullying or at least intimidation are more subtle. I will stand up for the downtrodden. Not to get political here but that is one of the reasons I have my political beliefs because I believe, if someone isn’t breaking laws, they have a right to live in peace and that includes whatever lifestyle they choose. I will defend anyone who is discriminated against.
4) This is a big thing for me, respect. I have had people who I thought were friends and realized they had little respect for me.
5) You can also tell if you are being tolerated by their behavior. Do they show you respect if you are among a group of people? Do they always blow you off if you stop by, call, text, Instant Message. That’s a big thing for me with Social Media. If I Instant Message someone and they respond and then abruptly disappear in the middle of a conversation, that is disrespect of if they are always too busy. If they always only have two minutes for me, don’t bother. And I loathe when people don’t consistently check and respond to email messages or texts.
6) If I can’t trust them I don’t need them.
7)Ditto
8) We all say or do things we aren’t proud of. We are human. If I mess up and own it, I would like forgiveness if I am sincere and the behavior changes.
9) This last one is key. I hate getting blown off consistently. A true friendship makes the time for one another. Lots of long conversation, fun together, etc. One big thing to is I will not be in a jealous relationship. If I am friends with someone I am loyal to my friendships. If they don’t trust me, I don’t need them. If I have to sneak around to have a conversation with someone or hang up the phone when they get home, piss on them.
I totally agree with this, PJ. Back when I was a young adult, people on both sides of the aisle agreed to disagree and stayed friends. Sadly, it isn’t that way anymore. Too many people feel entitled to expect you to believe the same way they do and that’s not reality. We’re all different and that includes our beliefs, perspectives, convictions, everything. As far as friendships go, don’t accept anything less than what you know in your heart that you deserve. You must believe that you deserve the very best and go after it. Thank you so much for the comment. I wish you a very blessed day.