Would You like to know the Most Important facts about bullying? Remembering these truths will help you gather the courage you need to stand up to your bullies and bravely defend yourself against them.
There are 3 most important facts about bullying that you must learn if you want the courage to stand up to your bullies. This can be very difficult, if not terrifying. However, it is an absolute must if you don’t want to waste years tiptoeing around your bullies only for them to keep coming back for you. These essential truths are those I had to realize before I could muster the courage to stand up to my bullies and finally put a stop to the years-long nightmare I was living in.
Therefore, as a former target and eventual overcomer of bullying myself, I am writing this post to give you the 3 most important facts you must remember about bullies.
Once you learn these truths and keep them in the back of your mind, you will then be well prepared and able to stand your ground and defend yourself much more effectively.
This post is all about the 3 most important facts about bullying, which are truths that every victim of bullying should know.
Here are 3 Important facts about bullying:
1. You can never appease a bully.
Never! No matter what you do to satisfy the bullies and no matter how many times you tell them what they want to hear. You may submit to them and yes, they may go away and leave you alone for the time being. However, understand that the small reprieve bullies give you will always, ALWAYS… be very short lived.
It is because your submission has always worked and given your bullies what they want from you. In your submission, whether it’s telling the bullies what they want to hear, letting them cheat off you during an exam, or allowing them to take credit for your idea, you are rewarding their behavior.
Therefore, anytime bullies get rewards from bullying you, they will always come back for more. And the same goes whether you endure bullying in school, the workplace, or in your community.
Also, your bullies get instant psychological rewards just from your having to constantly creep and tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power and domination. Realize that bullies are all about power… raw power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!
You can never submit your way out of being abused.
I cannot stress this enough. Again, you can never appease a bully. Any attempts to do so will only do the opposite of what you want. Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak to them. It then emboldens them to come back for more later because it is the very thing that has been working for them all along!
Consequently, you will spend years jumping through hoops and wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again. This is no way to live, and life is too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.
You must understand that eventually, you will need to take a hard stand before they will finally leave you alone for good. The last thing you want is to spend the rest of your life being someone else’s doormat.
there’s a reason why this is number one of the most important facts about bullying.
In other words, the only way to permanently deter your bullies is to get tired of it and confront them head-on when they come for you. Speak out against them, to their faces, if need be, and when you say what you must say to them, say it bluntly and mean it! Then, if they respond with physical threats and violence, be ready to hit back and defend yourself.
Sometimes it takes a final showdown before your bullies will finally give you the respect you deserve and go find another target to bully. Think of the movie “Tombstone.”
A band of bullies had terrorized an entire boom town and, in the process, killed one Earp brother and wounded another. Afterwards, Wyatt Earp and his buddies made their final stand, hunting down each member of the Cowboys gang and all but eradicating them, which caused them to eventually disband.
This is not to say that you should go hunt your bullies down, but you get the point.
2. The Second of the most Important Facts About Bullying is That Bullies thrive on your fear of retaliation and further harm.
Know that your fear of retaliation and suffering further harm is understandable because it is a natural human response to danger. So, in no way am I blaming you for it.
However, you must realize that your bullies thrive on your perfectly normal fear response, and they will exploit it every chance they get! And why not?
Your fear has thus far gotten them what they want from you. It has rewarded your bullies both psychologically and, more than likely, materially. So, why would they stop now or ever for that matter?
Understand that rewards feel good! And if it feels good, humans want more and more of it! So, again, why would your bullies stop trying to get more of it? Moreover, why would they stop doing the very things to you that they’ve been doing that have, time and time again, proved to be successful?
Human nature only dictates that your bullies will always come back for more rewards! And they will return to the source of the rewards (you) and repeat the same methods by which they have been successful in attaining these rewards.
For example, if a prospector finds a goldmine loaded with gold and there’s nothing to stop him from stealing it, he’s not going to stop mining for it just because there’s more gold in it than he can carry. No. He’s going to return to the mine later to get more gold. Consequently, if there’s no barrier to stop him, he will keep going back for more until there’s no more gold left in the mine.
if there’s more free gold in the mine, why not go back for it?
People are greedy like that, and bullies are no exception to this rule when it comes to power. You are the goldmine, and your personal power is the gold the bullies keep coming for more and more of. And, each time they return, they will chip away more and more of your self-esteem to get that gold.
Therefore, the trick here is to stop supplying “the gold.” Stop rewarding their behavior and set boundaries! Remember that mine owners usually had armed guards posted to keep it from being robbed by greedy prospectors. The guards are the boundaries for the mine. They protect the mine by keeping the robbers out.
Also, nations have boundaries to keep out foreign invaders. And people should have them as well to ward off others who would otherwise use and abuse them.
In most cases, realizing these truths will make you angry. Then, you will grow so sick of being crapped on that you get angry with yourself for having allowed them to abuse you for so long. Also, you will reach the point where you stop caring how the bullies respond.
In other words, you will be willing to face the possibility of getting beat within an inch of your life, but you won’t care anymore. Damn the consequences!
Your attitude will be, “They may whip me, but I’ll go down swinging and get a few good licks in! I’ll leave a few marks on them and they’ll know I’ve been there!”
You will be so furious that you’ll flatly refuse to live in fear any longer, come what may.
3. Bullies only understand strength and power. They do not understand reason, diplomacy, nor politeness.
You cannot handle bullies with kid gloves. In other words, there are no nice or polite ways to handle them or to set boundaries. Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate.
Also, you can never reason with bullies. Bullies only perceive any form of diplomacy and reasoning to be signs of weakness or worse, ploys to manipulate them.
Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are. When you set your boundaries, you must do it firmly and bluntly. And mean it!
You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences because bullies will see this as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.
In other words, they will violate your newly established boundaries just to dare you and to prove to you that they can. And when you do, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop! The consequences must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again, much less mess with you.
You must speak from a position of power and strength.
To put it figuratively, unleash hellfire and put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterwards. We eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.
Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.
Again, you must realize these truths before you reach your limit and decide to finish it once and for all. Also, the bullying you suffer may get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing their power over you.
Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that eventually, after you severely school, beat, and humiliate your bullies enough times, they will eventually get the message, give up and go find another chump to jerk around.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
More fantastic advice I wish I had half a century ago.
Thank you so much, Michael! Much appreciated.