If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to know that you have more power than you realize. You have a choice- a choice of whether to accept or reject your bullies’ labels and definitions of you.
I want to drum into your head this single truth: You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself!
Bullying hurts, no doubt about it. And you may have to suffer the pain of not being accepted. However, if you have the inner strength to reject the insults and name-calling, you’re already ahead of the game and least likely to be controlled by your bullies.
Understand that when bullies take it upon themselves to define you, what they’re doing is playing God because they’re claiming to know the unknowable. All they’re doing is pretending to know you better than you know yourself. The underlying message of the bullies is that they can read your mind and that they know your inner reality, when, in truth, no one knows that information but you and you alone.
Realize that when bullies define you, they purposely try to create a role of their own making in which to cast you. I can remember several roles my bullies handpicked for me and there were four of them.
- Crazy/mentally imbalanced
- A promiscuous whore
- An arrogant and uppity snob
- A lying, manipulative con-artist
Bullies desire to create your reality for you. But the truth is that they don’t have the power to do it. Only you possess that power. They may make you think they have that power, but they don’t and never will. They’re only fantasizing and creating a world of make-believe without realizing it. And the reason they do this is to wrest control and domination over you.
I want you to realize that no one can have power over you unless you give it to them.
- They cannot tell you what to do, say, feel, or believe.
- They cannot know your motivations and intentions unless you speak them aloud.
- They cannot know your wants, needs, and thoughts.
Those things are impossible for them because they’re not you!
When bullies attempt any of these “impossibles,” they may say things like:
- “You’re only trying to get attention.”
- “You’re just trying to make trouble.”
- “You’re just lying to keep from getting hurt.”
- “You’re only covering your ass.”
- “You’re just trying to kiss up and score brownie points.”
- “You’re only trying to get on everyone’s good side.”
- “You’re just jealous because no one likes you.”
Understand that when they tell you things like these, they are second guessing you and your feelings, thoughts, motives, and intentions. Again, they’re playing God because they are claiming to know your inner world, which is impossible for anyone who isn’t you to know. And they’re doing it to intimidate, control, and dominate you.
I’ll say again.
You choose whether to accept or reject this nonsense! Know that the only person who can truly define you is you. You are the sole owner of your self-definition.
And you don’t have to explain that power or prove it. It’s there. Remember my friend’s quote I cited in one of my earlier posts a few months back:
“To be insulted by you, I must first value your opinion.”
– T-Ronn Hicks –
If you don’t value your bullies’ opinions, or, in this case, their definitions of you, then you’ll choose to reject them and they’ll have no power nor control over how you feel about yourself, nor over your emotions. And you’ll be able to take the wind out of their sails!
So, roll your eyes and blow your bullies off with disdain and a scoff. And if the bully happens to be your boss, do it in your mind (LOL) because your thoughts are free. Make fun of their ridiculous definitions because they only show just how delusional they are. You can even walk off twirling your finger next to your temple.
And before long, they just might get bored, go away, and leave you alone.
With knowledge comes empowerment!