Month: October 2021

Why It’s So Important for Targets to Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

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If you’ve ever been a target of relentless and excessive bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there. It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has, and you just can’t take another chance of it happening again.

But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with. They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment, so, you aren’t a target to them and likely will never be one.

With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate and have opportunities to put your best foot forward and get a fresh start.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person because people love the one who’s interested in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one in a million you.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Bullies Who Bully People for Superficial Reasons

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Many people think their superior to those who make less income than they do. Oakley, TN was and still has many of those who have that attitude, unfortunately. Don’t let me wrong, not all of the people in the town are like this.

There are several people there who are down to earth, friendly, and don’t care about those things if you treat people well- if they like you, they like you no matter what your station in life is. However, the true, authentic people seem to be vastly outnumbered by the superficial bullies there.

There have been many occasions when I’ve seen waitresses in a restaurant being treated like dirt by fat cats and fake fat cats who never tip them and talk terrible to them. I’ve seen janitors and custodians degraded by other employees in a few workplaces I’ve been employed at, by other employees who were in higher positions. And many of these menial workers were awesome people with hearts of gold.

Yes, bullies treated these people like cockroaches they wanted to exterminate.

I’ve also seen these bullies bully people who were less attractive. I’ve witnessed bullying of people over the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the family they come from, etc.

Understand that when people value material possessions more than they do people, they don’t think that material possessions can be lost so easily.

They don’t think about the fact that they could end up in a car accident and lose their ability to work. Their so-called riches may all go to hospital bills. Then what will they have? If you define yourself by the possessions you have, what happens if you lose it all?

But! That’s not the only problem they’re have. Others will also remember how these bullies treated them and not care to help them. And their materialistic and smug friends who hung around them because of what they had? They’ll only discard them like yesterday’s garbage because once they’re broke and disabled, their high-flying friends will have no more use for them.

Bullies who bully you because you’re less attractive. I’ve seen some “beautiful people” mistreat those who are average-looking. Their arrogance is out of this world because they never stop to think that beauty is fleeting- it always fades over time. Let’s face it, we’ll all end up old, toothless, and ugly if we live long enough.

Judge Judy Sheindlin had a point when she stated that, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” And I would much rather be ugly and smart than beautiful and stupid. Intelligence lasts longer!

And what happens if they get disfigured in an accident?

What happens if they end up bullying the wrong person? Perhaps some psycho nut-bag who ends up sneaking up behind them, calling out their name, and throwing a bucket of acid in their face as soon as they turn around, or slashing their face with a box-cutter?

Though I would never condone such a sick and depraved act, I have enough sense to realize that this has happened before and still does. We can’t deny that such crazy, messed up, and vengeful people exist, and you never know who’s a raving lunatic and who isn’t.

And here’s another thing about material possessions and riches. At the end of the day, you can’t take any of it with you when you go. So, what do you have?

Sure, those things are wonderful to have, and I sure wouldn’t mind having a million dollars. Who would? But just because you have those things don’t mean you bully those who don’t because you don’t know what they must go through to get what they do have.

Again, you can’t take it with you when you go. When it’s all said and done, the only thing any of us will have, is a rock and a hole in the ground.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Addressing Women Who Date Lowlifes

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Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!

I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.

Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!

These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.

Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.

Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.

But why?

It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.

Also, they think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.

denial willful blindess self-deceit, willful ignorance

It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that they have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.

I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.

If you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door.

The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.

Bullying and The Insanity of “Wokism”

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So many times, I’ve heard people on the far left say things such as- “Intentions behind saying or doing something don’t matter. All that matters is that you did it or you said it and someone’s feelings were hurt. So, you should still be held accountable for hurting that person’s feelings.”

Though I understand it if you’re being bullied, and, if you are, then yes, you absolutely should be offended because bullying behavior IS intentional harm. It is something you should address quickly. However, if it’s unintentional and the person has the guts to apologize, why not accept the apology and move on?

In this major talking point, what the Radical Left is really saying is that we should be responsible for everyone else’s feelings and, therefore, handle others with kid gloves.

They’re saying that we should, in essence, walk on eggshells around other people and do it consistently.

They are saying that there’s no room for being a fallible human being, even though we all are by nature.

They’re also saying that any apology for an accidental offense won’t suffice, and that forgiveness is out of the question.

That still, you must pay a huge price regardless of your “intentions” and regardless of whether you’re remorseful for the perceived slight.

This kind of dichotomous thinking blows me away because, not only is it delusional, but downright ludicrous!

There have been times when I’ve accidentally ran into people in the supermarket on or the street, would it have made any difference if I’d run into them deliberately?

I’ve had other drivers accidentally pull out in front of me, does it mean that they did it on purpose and should be punished for it? No. Sure, it was aggravating, and, in the privacy of my car, I may have shouted, “Hey! Watch it, you idiot!” But I didn’t want to get even with the person, and I never thought that this person should be punished for it. Accidents happen. People make mistakes.

I accidentally dropped my oldest son when he was a toddler, but does that necessarily make me a terrible mother? Would it make any difference if I told you that I was sorry for it and that it scared me so bad that I took him to the ER just to make sure he was okay?

I see right through this nonsense. And one thing I know all too well is that bullies are the types who get the most offended about the tiniest and most insignificant of things. Bullies are the very people who subscribe to this kind of tripe because they’re the type who love to make any error someone makes ten times bigger than what it is. Even worse, bullies constantly search, and search high and low, for anything…anything to blow up, be offended about, nitpick, and make out to be an unforgivable sin that you should be given a death sentence for.

They will pick apart even the tiniest infraction regardless of whether it was intentional.

This is a form of bullying, in and of itself. And the “intentions-don’t-matter” bologna only serves to give bullies the excuse they’re looking for.

I spent enough years tippy toing around bullies and I’ll be damned if I ever again walk on eggshells around anyone! Sorry, Lefties. Getting your feelings hurt is a part of life and the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be. I no longer care even the slightest what others think of me. Most of the people who think less of me never meant much to me in the first place.

And unless you’re on the autism spectrum or you’ve suffered a traumatic brain injury (which are things that can’t be helped), you can usually tell whether an offense was intentional or unintentional because you can sense these things. You can feel the vibrations coming off the offending person. And I’ve had people, even friends, accidentally say something that hit me in my heart. But I knew that they didn’t mean anything by it. Also, they usually apologized for it. Even better, I graciously accepted their apology.

Let’s face it, sometimes words just don’t come out right and innocent actions can have adverse reactions.

Again, that’s life, and life happens.

I still get my feelings hurt from time to time, even now. Do you know what I do about it? I brush myself off and I move on. And if it’s intentional, I quickly put the person in their place with as few words as possible, then I walk away and let it go. I don’t go out of my way to get back at the person. I flat refuse to allow a few assholes to ruin my day- I won’t give them that kind of power over my life.

And the fact that people can proclaim that there isn’t a difference between intentionally and accidentally harming another person, and still manage to keep a straight face, only goes to show that they have serious mental health issues which have for too long gone unaddressed, even denied.

Wokism is, in and of itself, a mental illness. There is a purpose behind their loud trumpeting of such nonsense. And that purpose is so they can have a reason to bully others. In short, it’s all a form of mass manipulation.

We’re all human and we make unintentional mistakes, and one of those mistakes is that sometimes we say and do the wrong thing merely by accident. The Left knows this, so they spread this paranoid nonsense to justify their bullying of others, even of their own.

And if we allow ourselves to fall for their crap, we’re doomed not only as a country, but also as the human race. The truth remains that nobody is responsible for your feelings but you. If a person intentionally harms you, you have two choices, either you can give away your power by staying angry, carrying a grudge, seeking revenge on the person who offended you and making yourself even more miserable. Or you can decide just to tell them what you think, drop that person and deny them any more power over you by letting them go.

And if the person accidentally offends you, you can either accept their apology and live a happier life knowing that they realized their mistake, had the guts to admit it, and apologized, or you can choose not to accept their apology, hold grudges, and stay miserable by dragging a bunch of toxic baggage around for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.

8 Emotions That Targets of Bullying Feel

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cry tears

Targets of bullying endure a hell that no one can comprehend unless they themselves have experienced bullying. It’s the same with the range of resulting emotions they feel. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the intense stress and the wide array of powerful emotions that come with it.

1.Grief- Once you become an object of bullying or mobbing, life as you know it changes. You mourn for the way your life used to be and long to get your former life back. You also grieve the loss of your respect, dignity, reputation, good standing, and your identity. You mourn the loss of your friends and in some cases, your spouse and family.

2, Bewilderment- You don’t understand why this is happening to you- why you’re being bullied and why people you love and thought loved you have turned against you. You’re also at a loss as to what you did to bring about such hatred. In your heart, you know that you’re a great person and that you never intentionally slighted nor hurt anyone. So, what gives?

3. Confusion- You’re at a loss as to which way to turn and who to turn to. And you don’t know what to do to remedy the situation because each time you try, only makes the bullying worse. You feel stuck!

4. Terror – Anytime you’re targeted, the fear can be paralyzing. You’re afraid to speak but afraid not to speak. You’re afraid of the people around you. You’re afraid to make any moves or decisions because you know that anything you do will be scrutinized and made to look bad, crazy, or evil. You’re afraid to come to school or work because you know they’re all out to get you and you know that if you show, they’ll only blindside you with another attack.

4. Sadness- You cry in your car to and from your school or workplace. You cry in your pillow at night when you go to bed. It seems that no one will give you a chance and you’re isolated and alone. When you try to make new friends, the bullies always seem to intervene and turn the new people against you too. The type of sadness a target feels is the kind that is deep, dark, and overwhelming.

6. Depression- This comes with being rendered powerless. It seems that there’s nothing you can do to change the situation. You have the feeling of being bound and gagged. You feel trapped like a rat and there’s nowhere to go where the bullies and participants won’t find you. And you feel that there’s no hope that things will ever get better.

7. Ohhhh, the rage! This is, by far, THE most powerful emotion targets can have. With each physical or psychological attack, the fury grows until you’d give anything just to have the power to rip their heads off and shoved them up their you-know-whats. Oh, yes! Rage does that to you and gives you such evil thoughts!

I remember the rage I felt in middle and high school when I was a target of bullying and it grew to a level until, at one point, I felt homicidal! I loathed them so intensely that I just wanted all of them to drop dead.

I used my brain. I didn’t allow myself to snap and take any lives. I thought about my future and how doing something horribly violent would ruin it, I then decided that none of my classmates were worth ruining my future and causing my family heartache over and eventually, a door opened for me and I was able to transfer to a new school where things got better.

8. 8Suicidal thoughts. It’s not that you want to die. You just want the torment to stop and when it gets to a certain level, death seems to be the only escape for it. These thoughts happen when you feel you’ve exhausted every possible option to make things better. But don’t give up. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s always a good chance that things will change for the better and you can come out victorious on the other side of it.

 I want you to know that if you’re a target of bullying, things may seem hopeless, but they aren’t. Things change for the better all the time and when you least expect them to.

Why You Should Never Compare Yourself to Someone Else

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Many targets of bullying get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. For example, a bullied kid sitting in the lunchroom at school may look a few tables over and see the very kids who bully him surrounded by friends, yucking it up and having a good time. They seem to be enjoying friendships while the bullied kid is left in the cold. And watching causes an ache in the poor kid’s chest. He thinks to himself:

“I wish I were like him because if I were, I’d have friends too. I hate him because he’s a creep and doesn’t deserve to be so lucky! Why him? I deserve it more than he does? It’s not fair!”
But when is life ever fair?

Here’s another example:

A coworker at a company sees another coworker who hasn’t put in as much time getting a promotion. He immediately gets angry and thinks that the only way the other guy must’ve gotten that promotion is by sucking up to the boss. He then begins to wish the other coworker all kinds of bad luck.

The root of this is thinking that someone else is just luckier or better off than you.

Comparing yourself to others is a real self-esteem killer. But sadly, people do it all the time. When you compare your life to someone else’s, it only breeds all kinds of toxic emotions, two of which are anger and jealousy.

Understand that you cannot judge a person’s outward appearance or the appearances they keep up and accurately judge what their life is like. Because people are notorious for showing only the best parts of their lives and keeping the less-than-desirable parts hidden.

Also realize that some people, bullies especially, making it a point to flash the positive aspects of their lives to those around them for the sole purpose of provoking envy. Because knowing that others are jealous of them is a huge boost to their egos, giving them a sense of power and that they’re better. Realize that the appearances these people keep up are only a show.

An example of this would be:

You see someone decked out in fancy clothes and drives a hot sports car. They have a six-bedroom house in the ritzy part of town. But! Although they look like they’re rolling in money, they’re more than likely only living beyond their means. Chances are that they’re in debt up to their eyeballs and feeling terrified inside because they know that if the slightest setback happens, they’ll lose it all!

Here are a few more examples:

Jealousy

You see a seemingly happy couple in a shopping mall and you’re still single. They look so happy and so in love, and they have friends around them. But you don’t know what goes on in their house. The husband might be abusing his wife behind closed doors (or vise versa) and they’re only putting on airs. They might be on the brink of divorce.

You may look on social media and see pictures of one of your someone you know lying on the beach in the tropics. But what you don’t know is that they had to clean out their savings just to take that trip.

Here’s my point. Never judge anyone who seems a little luckier than you, because, in private, they could be fighting battles you know nothing about.

They may have a mother at home dying of cancer, a father who went off to war and never came back, or be buried in legal issues.

And many times, you feel so content with your life until you spot these people. All of a sudden, you’re feeling less than. This should be a good indicator as to how useless envy and self-comparison really are.

How you fight this is to take your attention off these people and count your blessings. Because although they may be luckier than you in one aspect, you are most likely better off than them in other ways. Think about it.

Understand that anytime you feel jealous of another person, it only means that deep inside, you have a deep-seated spirit of lack and failure and you want to take the other person’s good fortune away from them and keep it for yourself.

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It’s a sign that you don’t feel that you can ever reach those goals yourself. Stop it! Because if they can, you can too.

Stop comparing yourself to others because it’s a waste of time and energy. It also drains your of confidence.

Know that you are enough and your life is enough. And you never know what the future holds. You too may someday buy your dream home, find a loving partner, or get the opportunity to go on a tropical getaway.

For now, be happy for those who are presently getting those opportunities. Instead of provoking jealousy in you, these people should inspire you and give you hope for the future.

Being Bullied in School Should Prompt You to Learn More about Bullying and the Power Dynamic

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I began researching bullying in the early to mid-nineties. I wanted to know everything there was to know about it- why people bully, what drove bullies to single out only certain people, what bullies look for in victims, how bullying affected different people, and what characteristics determined victimhood.

Instead of being traumatized from it, I wanted to learn from it. During the nineties, I poured through countless library books, magazine articles, news columns, anything relating to the subject of bullying. I read about the different personalities of bullies, bystanders, and victims. I also poured through books and articles about politics, social infrastructures, and the power dynamic.

During the late 90’s and 2000s, I took to my PC and poured through countless online articles and essays on the subject, beginning with Tim Field and bullyonline.org based in the UK. I remember emailing Tim Field with many questions on bullying and he always replied curiously and promptly. I learned so much from Tim Field.

I was surprised to find that so many others had suffered bullying as well- celebrities, musicians, writers, doctors, attorneys, teachers, homemakers, people from all walks of life. I am saddened that Mr. Field is no longer with us. I will be forever grateful to him for sharing his expertise and being the encouragement I needed to learn more on the subject.

In my years of research, I’ve attained a vast wealth of knowledge on bullying- knowledge which has served me well both professionally and socially. In my in-depth study of bullies, I have gained so much insight into the minds and personalities of my former classmates and all bullies.

In reading countless testimonies of victims and survivors, I realize that none of it was all in my head and that I wasn’t overreacting or bringing it all on myself as my classmates and a few of my teachers had cruelly forced me to believe.

nosy watching study research

Antique books with magnifying glass. Old leather bound vintage books in a row

Bullying and the tactics used, from whisper campaigns to witch hunts to threats to bodily harm, have gone on since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new. During the years I was bullied in school, I had tried reporting it, tried speaking out only to be ignored, shamed, retaliated against, and blamed for it. That is also nothing new.

Because no one would listen, I grabbed a pen and began writing in a daily journal about the daily bullying I suffered at school to keep as a record in case the bullies at school hurt me so bad I’d need hospitalization or worse, murdered me.

I even had one of my journals taken from me by a teacher in the eighth grade and never saw it again. Luckily, I kept a backup hidden at home, and I never lost anything.

Close up of examining of test sample of microchip transistor under the microscope in laboratory.

By the time I switched schools during my senior year, I had filled several journals with countless horror stories of social aggression, psycho/emotional torment, and brutal beatings dished out by my classmates.

I kept those journals put away in a storage bin for decades because I knew that one day, I would write a book about my experiences. That book, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying.” is now published and available.

With knowledge comes power. If you’ve had something terrible happen in your life- something so awful that it deeply affected your life, learn about it instead of agonizing over it. Instead of being angry over something that happened in the past that you can’t do absolutely anything about, learn as much as you can about it and from every angle possible.

The word Answer on a puzzle piece to symbolize the quest for understanding in answering questions and concerns

Then use it to protect yourself from any future bullying and to help others who are going through the same. I guarantee that doing this will bring healing, unlike anything you can imagine!

Nothing heals you like taking any adversity, learning from it, and using it as a weapon against potential bullies and to help other victims! Try it! You’ll be glad you did!

Bullies Are Well-Known for Making Snap Judgements

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If you’re a target of bullying, you often wonder why bullies and their followers make snap judgments about you before getting to know you or before seeing any evidence and getting the facts. You may also wonder why your classmates, coworkers, or neighbors automatically believe rumors and lies about you, especially rumors and lies that sound completely ridiculous.

I know how you feel. Some of the accusations my classmates accused me of were so absurd and ludicrous, that any sane person would’ve dismissed them outright. If you find yourself asking why your peers fall for such foolishness, here’s your answer.

Bullies don’t care what the facts are. Never are they concerned with the truth. Understand that these quick judgments are judgments that fit their agendas. The only agendas they have are to hurt you! Nothing else! And they will look for any justification and opportunity to do so.

People, especially bullies, don’t believe facts. They only think whatever feels good to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a fact, opinion, or a complete falsehood.

Here’s an example: A wife has a husband she loves dearly. The wife’s best friend sees the husband out with another woman and kissing her one Saturday night. So, the best friend informs the wife that her husband is cheating, only for the wife to get angry at the best friend and throw her out.

Even though the husband is, in fact, guilty of cheating and the BFF did witness him kissing the mistress, the wife doesn’t believe it because she doesn’t want to believe it. Therefore, it feels much better to assume that the BFF is jealous of her happy marriage and is trying to break them apart.

Here’s another example: Lori hates Veronica. Lori is best friends with Cindy. Cindy befriends Veronica and finds out what a sweet and genuine person Veronica is. Later, she tells Lori that Veronica is not such a bad person, that she’s, in fact, a lovely and caring lady. Lori refuses to believe Cindy and only wants to believe the worst about Veronica.

Lori gets angry at Cindy for having anything to do with Veronica and accuses Cindy of betraying her (Lori). Lori now refuses to talk to Cindy.

But understand that Lori only stops talking to Cindy to manipulate her into cutting ties with Veronica. Because of Lori’s blind hatred for Veronica, she refuses to believe that Veronica may, in fact, be a great friend if Lori ever got to know her.

Lori has VDS- Veronica Derangement Syndrome.

Again, bullies don’t care about facts or evidence. They want to believe the lies, and even worse, they want the lies to be true! Self-deception and willful blindness always feel better to bullies.

Ignorance is bliss, and unfortunately, bullies are some of the most blissful people on earth.

If you are a target of such people, my advice would be NOT to try and convince them because you’d only be wasting your time and energy. Instead, continue to love and accept yourself regardless. Also realize that these people aren’t good for you and shouldn’t be in your life. You’re better off without them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!