Month: October 2021

Bullying Is a Form of Theft- Getting Back What They Stole From You

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By nature, children are happy and carefree. Their only responsibilities are to obey their parents and guardians and to complete homework and a few chores. Outside of those responsibilities, they engage in play and pretend, or they’re supposed to.
Bullying has a way of stealing everything that matters from you.

Bullying steals your happiness and takes the joy out of life.

It strips you of your confidence and self-esteem, and with them your sense of safety, security, and peace of mind.

Bullying takes away your dignity and respect, and with it your pride.

Bullying gags you, silencing your voice and overall ability to communicate.
It robs you of self-expression.

Bullying snatches away love and belonging.

It steals your ability to think for yourself and forge your own path in society.

After a while, it tires you out, wears you down, and zaps you of energy.

Bullying steals your childhood and causes you to grow up way to fast. It takes away your innocence and faith in humanity. If you’re a bullied adult, it takes away dignity, respect, and good-standing in a community.

In a nutshell, it robs you of power, of autonomy, and of freedom!

But!

As with anything that is stolen, you can always get it back! And how you get it all back is by keeping company with those who love and uplift you, indulging in your hobbies, displaying your talents, focusing on your goals and dreams, and reciting affirmations every day! You also get it back by working on yourself. You do it by changing your thinking!

Here’s a quick note: I’ve found that when I focus on my goals and where I want to go in life, I don’t have time to focus on any bullying or negativity! Try it! You’ll love it!

I won’t lie to you. It will be tough, and it will take a while. But nothing worth anything is easy or quick. Right?

You’ll never get back the years they bullied you. But if you put in the inner work needed, you’ll eventually get back your confidence, your dignity and everything else they took from you.

I promise you! It’s worth it in the end and you’ll be so glad you were patient and put in the work!

The 7 Purposes of Ridicule and Why Bullies Use It

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Ridicule is indeed one of the most powerful weapons against a target. No one wants to be ridiculed. Many people, in fact, consider death to be a better option. However, we must continue to remind ourselves that there are reasons bullies use it and the number one reason is to contain threats to their status and power.

In other words, anytime your bullies dial up the ridicule, it’s likely because they see you as threat. Maybe they’re on high alert because you somehow give them the impression that you see through their bullshit and that you just might expose them to the rest of the world and cause them to lose respect and topple them from their proverbial thrones.

And now, they must do some damage control. You made trouble for them and now they must jump through hoops to re-enforce their power and control of you. Because, if they can’t have power over you or anyone else, they deem inferior, then who can they have power over? Who else is there to dominate?

Understand that this is how bullies’ minds operate. So, without further ado, here are the 3 purposes of ridicule:

1.To silence you. As I’ve stressed many times before, anytime you report bullying or speak out against it, bullies will turn up the ridicule. They’ll laugh and call you “crazy,” “crybaby,” “whiner,” “wuss,” or other such names. Trust me. It’s all designed to shut you up and give the appearance that you’re weak and they’re still in control and unafraid.

 But they’re very afraid. So, they use something they know is likely to work- and stick.

2. To ruin you in the eyes of others. Ridicule has a powerful contagion effect and bystanders love to join in. And once you get ridiculed a few times, you become an outcast and at the bottom of the pecking order. Once you’ve lost respect, you’ve lost credibility as well.

3. To induce fear of social rejection. As mentioned earlier, many people fear death less than they do social rejection and alienation. Ridicule is the best way to mar a person in the eyes of others. Once a person is ridiculed, people shun them because they fear that if they associate with the target, they may be ridiculed and rejected too.

4. To keep you under their thumb. When people ridicule a target, they’re asserting power and dominance over that person. Ridicule is one of the best ways to strip someone of their personal power and lord dominance over them.

5. To punish you for stepping out of your place. Whether you speak out against abuse, you succeed at something, or outshine who perceive themselves to be the “ruling clique,” in the minds of bullies, you’re stepping out of your place, and you must be dealt with, not only as punishment, but to be made an example to others that this could happen to them to if they get out of line.

6. To keep you subdued. Fear keeps most people subdued and and the ruling clique in power. When you’re afraid, you’re more than likely to keep your head down and go along to get along.

7. To shame and humiliate you. Shame and humiliation are also powerful weapons, and they break your self-esteem very easily. Bullies use these to weaken you and take the fight out of you. And once your self-esteem is broken, you’re least likely to defend yourself.

In a nutshell, ridicule is designed to strip you of power. However, if you see the ridicule for what it is and know the reasons behind it, your self-esteem is less likely to take a big hit and you will better be able to stand against it and let the bullies know that you won’t be jerked around. Remember that this knowledge can be a power all its own.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

School Mobbing

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Not only workplace mobbing happens, but school mobbing exists as well. When people speak of mobbing, we usually think of the workplace environment. However, mobbing also occurs in schools.

Here are all the signs of mobbing at school you need to know about.

 

Millions of children and teenagers endure bullying at school every day. However, there are those who have it much worse. These kids aren’t only bullied, they’re mobbed at school.

In this post, you will learn the difference between bullying and mobbing at school so that you can take the appropriate measures to protect yourself in the future. Also, you will learn the signs that you endure mobbing at school, not simply bullying.

Once you learn to tell the difference, the more I realize that what I endured in Oakley schools went way beyond bullying. In other words, I wasn’t only bullied. I was mobbed.

Most people associate mobbing with the workplace and yes, mobbing does occur at work. However, it also occurs in schools. And a child or teen can be mobbed so intensely that his/her entire class and other classes above and below them will be out to severely hurt that child. I know this from firsthand experience.

When you’re mobbed at school or anywhere, it’s the feeling of being held hostage. You live in constant terror and there are days when you wonder if you’ll make it back home at the end of the school day because the death threats are real. Adults would fear for their lives if they were getting constant threats of being killed, that’s a given. But imagine what it does to a teenager who is still a child by all accounts.

 

Imagine what it does to a young person whose mind is still developing- a teenager who doesn’t quite have the concrete thinking skills nor the processing abilities to better deal with the situation. It’s hard enough for an adult to deal with being mobbed and many adults don’t know how to cope with it, so, how can we expect a kid to be able to withstand that kind of pressure? Can you imagine how tough it is for a child?

Imagine the sheer terror, the shame, the hopelessness, and the helplessness that poor boy or girl feels. Imagine how alone in the fight they feel when the adults, who are supposed to be there to protect them, turn their backs on that child and refuse to help, support, or even listen to them.

Imagine the gut-level humiliation and hurt a teenager feels when even a few of their teachers, who are supposed to be the adults, join their classmates in bullying and mobbing them. I had a small handful of teachers who did the same to me- one during the seventh, one during the eighth, and one during the eleventh grade. And let me tell you, it got so bad that I was almost driven to drop out of school and to suicide!

 

Back then, there wasn’t a name for this type of horrific bullying, so, they didn’t call it mobbing. This made it much more difficult to describe and explain what was happening. Without a name, the experience can be felt but never articulated because people don’t know how to describe it.

Once you can put a name to a situation that’s so difficult to experience and even harder to explain, it makes it so much easier to call out and talk about because it gives you a label to arrange your experiences around. With a name, the memories can take shape and come together. Then, your story can unfurl because you now have a foundation from which it can build.

With an experience as complex as getting mobbed, giving it a name is crucial.

 

For twenty-six years, I have researched bullying front, backwards and sideways- I have read countless books, articles, and victim testimonies. During the mid ‘90s, I came across a magazine article about a boy who was relentlessly bullied at his school. From this article, I finally got the answers to so many questions that had, for several years, gone unanswered and burned inside me.

The article also was my assurance that none of the bullying I’d suffered in school just a decade earlier was my fault, nor was there ever anything wrong with me. This was like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

As a result, my interest in the phenomenon of bullying and social hierarchies took off from there, and I began reading every book and every magazine article I could get my hands on and every online article I came across about bullying. I was hungry and developed an insatiable appetite for the knowledge of it.

 

In my bullying research, I’ve discovered the term “mobbing” and researched that as well. I’ve found that mobbing is bullying- but it’s bullying to the highest extreme. A more popular definition of mobbing is “bullying on steroids.”

If there was a scale from 1 to 10 measuring the intensity, frequency, and severity; moderate bullying would be at levels 1-4, severe bullying would be at levels 5-8, and mobbing would be at levels 9-10.

So, what is mobbing exactly?

Mobbing is group violence. The entire school or workplace gangs up on a target by more than just physical violence- more by use of vicious rumors, gaslighting, and smear campaigns. Anytime a target is mobbed, they’re discredited, humiliated, isolated, and intimidated. Mobbing is designed to instill terror in the target.

 

It is also designed to make the target look like the guilty party- to make it look as if the target instigated the bullying or brought the bullying on him/herself. And the perpetrators or, more appropriately, “the mob” will vehemently claim that the target “deserved it.”

I’m thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He carried me through what were the worst years of my life, and I didn’t just survive, I overcame. I believe He allowed me to endure the gut-wrenching terrors of school mobbing because He knew that later, I would develop a thirst for knowledge of it and use what I endured to help those who would endure, in the future, what I was enduring and reclaim their personal power and very lives.

I now realize that in allowing me to suffer at the brutal hands of my schoolmates, The Lord was preparing me for my calling, passion, purpose, and life’s work!

Therefore, if you’re currently being mobbed at school, I have a message for you:

 

Know that you are worth fighting for and you are worth living for. Know that you have value even if others can’t see it. In spite of what your bullies and mobbers tell you, you are just as worthy of love, respect, dignity, and friendship as the next person. You are enough and you matter.

Your peers may not appreciate you now, but I promise you that if you hold on, there will come a day when things are going to change for the better. You will see the sun again. You will find your tribe and you will have friends who love you for you and see the good you bring to this world.

How do I know? Because I’m living proof!

Why It’s So Important for Targets to Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

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If you’ve ever been a target of relentless and excessive bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there. It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has, and you just can’t take another chance of it happening again.

But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with. They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment, so, you aren’t a target to them and likely will never be one.

With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate and have opportunities to put your best foot forward and get a fresh start.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person because people love the one who’s interested in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one in a million you.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Bullies Who Bully People for Superficial Reasons

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Many people think their superior to those who make less income than they do. Oakley, TN was and still has many of those who have that attitude, unfortunately. Don’t let me wrong, not all of the people in the town are like this.

There are several people there who are down to earth, friendly, and don’t care about those things if you treat people well- if they like you, they like you no matter what your station in life is. However, the true, authentic people seem to be vastly outnumbered by the superficial bullies there.

There have been many occasions when I’ve seen waitresses in a restaurant being treated like dirt by fat cats and fake fat cats who never tip them and talk terrible to them. I’ve seen janitors and custodians degraded by other employees in a few workplaces I’ve been employed at, by other employees who were in higher positions. And many of these menial workers were awesome people with hearts of gold.

Yes, bullies treated these people like cockroaches they wanted to exterminate.

I’ve also seen these bullies bully people who were less attractive. I’ve witnessed bullying of people over the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the family they come from, etc.

Understand that when people value material possessions more than they do people, they don’t think that material possessions can be lost so easily.

They don’t think about the fact that they could end up in a car accident and lose their ability to work. Their so-called riches may all go to hospital bills. Then what will they have? If you define yourself by the possessions you have, what happens if you lose it all?

But! That’s not the only problem they’re have. Others will also remember how these bullies treated them and not care to help them. And their materialistic and smug friends who hung around them because of what they had? They’ll only discard them like yesterday’s garbage because once they’re broke and disabled, their high-flying friends will have no more use for them.

Bullies who bully you because you’re less attractive. I’ve seen some “beautiful people” mistreat those who are average-looking. Their arrogance is out of this world because they never stop to think that beauty is fleeting- it always fades over time. Let’s face it, we’ll all end up old, toothless, and ugly if we live long enough.

Judge Judy Sheindlin had a point when she stated that, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” And I would much rather be ugly and smart than beautiful and stupid. Intelligence lasts longer!

And what happens if they get disfigured in an accident?

What happens if they end up bullying the wrong person? Perhaps some psycho nut-bag who ends up sneaking up behind them, calling out their name, and throwing a bucket of acid in their face as soon as they turn around, or slashing their face with a box-cutter?

Though I would never condone such a sick and depraved act, I have enough sense to realize that this has happened before and still does. We can’t deny that such crazy, messed up, and vengeful people exist, and you never know who’s a raving lunatic and who isn’t.

And here’s another thing about material possessions and riches. At the end of the day, you can’t take any of it with you when you go. So, what do you have?

Sure, those things are wonderful to have, and I sure wouldn’t mind having a million dollars. Who would? But just because you have those things don’t mean you bully those who don’t because you don’t know what they must go through to get what they do have.

Again, you can’t take it with you when you go. When it’s all said and done, the only thing any of us will have, is a rock and a hole in the ground.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Addressing Women Who Date Lowlifes

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Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!

I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.

Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!

These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.

Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.

Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.

But why?

It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.

Also, they think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.

denial willful blindess self-deceit, willful ignorance

It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that they have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.

I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.

If you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door.

The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.

Bullies Always Go After The Best of The Best

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motivational inspirational dare to dream

Being the best- working hard, striving toward goals, and excelling at high levels all come at a high cost- a lot of resentment from others and having them try to sabotage. There’s a social penalty for high scores in work, creativity, ethics, good-heartedness- anything positive.

It’s why their peers don’t nominate the ones who are deserving of awards and accolades, nor do they recognize them for their success. They work too hard or too fast, they’re too passionate, too perfect, or excessively detailed.

Jealousy, envy, and resentment are often disguised as cold silence and ignorance, which are intentional slights from classmates, coworkers, and superiors designed to hold someone back. Peers who are secretly angered by the successes of a winner will only undermine by stealthy silence because to openly do it would be too obvious.

It would look to much like sour grapes, like the feeling of inferiority to the victor, and everyone is careful not to give off even the slightest stink that they might feel a little inferior.

Blue-collar workers often penalize those for working too fast. Classmates hate other classmates who get top scores. Peers covertly hate those who are record-breakers.

But why?

It’s because any person who breaks records unwittingly raises the bar, therefore raising teacher or management expectations for the rest, creating a new goal that’s much harder to attain.

The best of the best only threaten the rest.

It never pays to be a little too perfect in an imperfect world. You don’t score points by being a ray of light in an environment of dark souls.

The feeling that someone else is better than them are is uncomfortable and only nags at bullies until they find a way- any way possible, to level the playing field.

Many times, people perceive the best to be the worst.

Bullying and The Insanity of “Wokism”

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So many times, I’ve heard people on the far left say things such as- “Intentions behind saying or doing something don’t matter. All that matters is that you did it or you said it and someone’s feelings were hurt. So, you should still be held accountable for hurting that person’s feelings.”

Though I understand it if you’re being bullied, and, if you are, then yes, you absolutely should be offended because bullying behavior IS intentional harm. It is something you should address quickly. However, if it’s unintentional and the person has the guts to apologize, why not accept the apology and move on?

In this major talking point, what the Radical Left is really saying is that we should be responsible for everyone else’s feelings and, therefore, handle others with kid gloves.

They’re saying that we should, in essence, walk on eggshells around other people and do it consistently.

They are saying that there’s no room for being a fallible human being, even though we all are by nature.

They’re also saying that any apology for an accidental offense won’t suffice, and that forgiveness is out of the question.

That still, you must pay a huge price regardless of your “intentions” and regardless of whether you’re remorseful for the perceived slight.

This kind of dichotomous thinking blows me away because, not only is it delusional, but downright ludicrous!

There have been times when I’ve accidentally ran into people in the supermarket on or the street, would it have made any difference if I’d run into them deliberately?

I’ve had other drivers accidentally pull out in front of me, does it mean that they did it on purpose and should be punished for it? No. Sure, it was aggravating, and, in the privacy of my car, I may have shouted, “Hey! Watch it, you idiot!” But I didn’t want to get even with the person, and I never thought that this person should be punished for it. Accidents happen. People make mistakes.

I accidentally dropped my oldest son when he was a toddler, but does that necessarily make me a terrible mother? Would it make any difference if I told you that I was sorry for it and that it scared me so bad that I took him to the ER just to make sure he was okay?

I see right through this nonsense. And one thing I know all too well is that bullies are the types who get the most offended about the tiniest and most insignificant of things. Bullies are the very people who subscribe to this kind of tripe because they’re the type who love to make any error someone makes ten times bigger than what it is. Even worse, bullies constantly search, and search high and low, for anything…anything to blow up, be offended about, nitpick, and make out to be an unforgivable sin that you should be given a death sentence for.

They will pick apart even the tiniest infraction regardless of whether it was intentional.

This is a form of bullying, in and of itself. And the “intentions-don’t-matter” bologna only serves to give bullies the excuse they’re looking for.

I spent enough years tippy toing around bullies and I’ll be damned if I ever again walk on eggshells around anyone! Sorry, Lefties. Getting your feelings hurt is a part of life and the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be. I no longer care even the slightest what others think of me. Most of the people who think less of me never meant much to me in the first place.

And unless you’re on the autism spectrum or you’ve suffered a traumatic brain injury (which are things that can’t be helped), you can usually tell whether an offense was intentional or unintentional because you can sense these things. You can feel the vibrations coming off the offending person. And I’ve had people, even friends, accidentally say something that hit me in my heart. But I knew that they didn’t mean anything by it. Also, they usually apologized for it. Even better, I graciously accepted their apology.

Let’s face it, sometimes words just don’t come out right and innocent actions can have adverse reactions.

Again, that’s life, and life happens.

I still get my feelings hurt from time to time, even now. Do you know what I do about it? I brush myself off and I move on. And if it’s intentional, I quickly put the person in their place with as few words as possible, then I walk away and let it go. I don’t go out of my way to get back at the person. I flat refuse to allow a few assholes to ruin my day- I won’t give them that kind of power over my life.

And the fact that people can proclaim that there isn’t a difference between intentionally and accidentally harming another person, and still manage to keep a straight face, only goes to show that they have serious mental health issues which have for too long gone unaddressed, even denied.

Wokism is, in and of itself, a mental illness. There is a purpose behind their loud trumpeting of such nonsense. And that purpose is so they can have a reason to bully others. In short, it’s all a form of mass manipulation.

We’re all human and we make unintentional mistakes, and one of those mistakes is that sometimes we say and do the wrong thing merely by accident. The Left knows this, so they spread this paranoid nonsense to justify their bullying of others, even of their own.

And if we allow ourselves to fall for their crap, we’re doomed not only as a country, but also as the human race. The truth remains that nobody is responsible for your feelings but you. If a person intentionally harms you, you have two choices, either you can give away your power by staying angry, carrying a grudge, seeking revenge on the person who offended you and making yourself even more miserable. Or you can decide just to tell them what you think, drop that person and deny them any more power over you by letting them go.

And if the person accidentally offends you, you can either accept their apology and live a happier life knowing that they realized their mistake, had the guts to admit it, and apologized, or you can choose not to accept their apology, hold grudges, and stay miserable by dragging a bunch of toxic baggage around for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.

4 Surefire Signs Someone’s Having Their Strings Pulled

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In most cases of bullying, many targets suffer at the request of a ringleader. They may have friends and allies at first but slowly, one by one, these supporters disappear until there aren’t any left. Do you know why? It’s because the bullies have gotten to these allies and either threatened them for having something to do with the target or offered generous incentives to turn against the target.

Anytime there’s bullying, people outside the bully/target relationship will be influenced and persuaded by the bullies. Many people will instantly conform to the bullies’ way and I discussed why in the post entitled, “10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies,” just a couple of days ago. But how do we know when someone has been influenced by bullies? How do we know when our friends have been compromised? Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being told what to say, what not to say, and what to and not to do.

Here’s how:

1. They will be wishy-washy and flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they must flip-flop. They say one thing, then later, say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or what they believe will keep them out of trouble.

2. They say anything they think people want to hear. You can easily pick these people out if you listen and observe them around different types of people. Understand that folks in this category are puppets!


3. They go with the prevailing belief or narrative. If the prevailing belief or narrative (started by the bullies) is that the target is evil, crazy, a criminal, a whore, take your pick, that’s what the puppets around them will believe. And they won’t dare ask questions. They won’t care if proof to the contrary is available. They’ll only go along with whatever the word of the day is.

And understand that narratives are very flexible. They change like the weather. If you’re a target of bullying, one day you may be deemed crazy or stupid, the next day, you might be a cunning and shady con artist, and a week from now they’ll deem you an ax-murderer. You get the point.

4. They’re social chameleons. They speak and act one way around this group of people, then the exact opposite around another group of people.

Understand that these are people who can’t think for themselves. They flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’re sheep who are easily lead and persuaded.

Such people have no real personality, no backbone, and no beliefs and convictions of their own. When it comes down to it, they’re really quite pathetic and those who are true, real, and authentic (like the target), have no respect for them.

If you’re a target of bullying and you have friends who seem to turn on and off, hot and cold, because of things they hear about you and they don’t even bother to get the facts, you might want to shit-can these wimps and find better friends. Ditch and switch, baby!

Never Expect Everyone to Like You

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Like is subjective.

Not everyone is going to like you. Some may even hate you. But remember this! It’s their problem, not yours.

No matter how good, talented, famous, great, or small you are or who you are, it’s estimated that 10-35% of the people you know will not like you.

But always stay true to yourself, your beliefs, and your convictions. Use your God-given talents to the best of your ability. Be the best you can be and you will be happy.

Realize that everyone- EVERYONE, has someone who doesn’t like them. And if you don’t have enemies, then you’re doing something wrong.

If those who are exceptional, like celebrities, politicians, and athletes have people who dislike them or hate them, it should be proof that there’s nothing wrong with you.

So, feel good about yourself. Embrace everything about yourself. Appreciate the people who love you. Let love in and let yourself shine!

8 Emotions That Targets of Bullying Feel

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cry tears

Targets of bullying endure a hell that no one can comprehend unless they themselves have experienced bullying. It’s the same with the range of resulting emotions they feel. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t imagine the intense stress and the wide array of powerful emotions that come with it.

1.Grief- Once you become an object of bullying or mobbing, life as you know it changes. You mourn for the way your life used to be and long to get your former life back. You also grieve the loss of your respect, dignity, reputation, good standing, and your identity. You mourn the loss of your friends and in some cases, your spouse and family.

2, Bewilderment- You don’t understand why this is happening to you- why you’re being bullied and why people you love and thought loved you have turned against you. You’re also at a loss as to what you did to bring about such hatred. In your heart, you know that you’re a great person and that you never intentionally slighted nor hurt anyone. So, what gives?

3. Confusion- You’re at a loss as to which way to turn and who to turn to. And you don’t know what to do to remedy the situation because each time you try, only makes the bullying worse. You feel stuck!

4. Terror – Anytime you’re targeted, the fear can be paralyzing. You’re afraid to speak but afraid not to speak. You’re afraid of the people around you. You’re afraid to make any moves or decisions because you know that anything you do will be scrutinized and made to look bad, crazy, or evil. You’re afraid to come to school or work because you know they’re all out to get you and you know that if you show, they’ll only blindside you with another attack.

4. Sadness- You cry in your car to and from your school or workplace. You cry in your pillow at night when you go to bed. It seems that no one will give you a chance and you’re isolated and alone. When you try to make new friends, the bullies always seem to intervene and turn the new people against you too. The type of sadness a target feels is the kind that is deep, dark, and overwhelming.

6. Depression- This comes with being rendered powerless. It seems that there’s nothing you can do to change the situation. You have the feeling of being bound and gagged. You feel trapped like a rat and there’s nowhere to go where the bullies and participants won’t find you. And you feel that there’s no hope that things will ever get better.

7. Ohhhh, the rage! This is, by far, THE most powerful emotion targets can have. With each physical or psychological attack, the fury grows until you’d give anything just to have the power to rip their heads off and shoved them up their you-know-whats. Oh, yes! Rage does that to you and gives you such evil thoughts!

I remember the rage I felt in middle and high school when I was a target of bullying and it grew to a level until, at one point, I felt homicidal! I loathed them so intensely that I just wanted all of them to drop dead.

I used my brain. I didn’t allow myself to snap and take any lives. I thought about my future and how doing something horribly violent would ruin it, I then decided that none of my classmates were worth ruining my future and causing my family heartache over and eventually, a door opened for me and I was able to transfer to a new school where things got better.

8. 8Suicidal thoughts. It’s not that you want to die. You just want the torment to stop and when it gets to a certain level, death seems to be the only escape for it. These thoughts happen when you feel you’ve exhausted every possible option to make things better. But don’t give up. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s always a good chance that things will change for the better and you can come out victorious on the other side of it.

 I want you to know that if you’re a target of bullying, things may seem hopeless, but they aren’t. Things change for the better all the time and when you least expect them to.

Why You Should Never Compare Yourself to Someone Else

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Many targets of bullying get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. For example, a bullied kid sitting in the lunchroom at school may look a few tables over and see the very kids who bully him surrounded by friends, yucking it up and having a good time. They seem to be enjoying friendships while the bullied kid is left in the cold. And watching causes an ache in the poor kid’s chest. He thinks to himself:

“I wish I were like him because if I were, I’d have friends too. I hate him because he’s a creep and doesn’t deserve to be so lucky! Why him? I deserve it more than he does? It’s not fair!”
But when is life ever fair?

Here’s another example:

A coworker at a company sees another coworker who hasn’t put in as much time getting a promotion. He immediately gets angry and thinks that the only way the other guy must’ve gotten that promotion is by sucking up to the boss. He then begins to wish the other coworker all kinds of bad luck.

The root of this is thinking that someone else is just luckier or better off than you.

Comparing yourself to others is a real self-esteem killer. But sadly, people do it all the time. When you compare your life to someone else’s, it only breeds all kinds of toxic emotions, two of which are anger and jealousy.

Understand that you cannot judge a person’s outward appearance or the appearances they keep up and accurately judge what their life is like. Because people are notorious for showing only the best parts of their lives and keeping the less-than-desirable parts hidden.

Also realize that some people, bullies especially, making it a point to flash the positive aspects of their lives to those around them for the sole purpose of provoking envy. Because knowing that others are jealous of them is a huge boost to their egos, giving them a sense of power and that they’re better. Realize that the appearances these people keep up are only a show.

An example of this would be:

You see someone decked out in fancy clothes and drives a hot sports car. They have a six-bedroom house in the ritzy part of town. But! Although they look like they’re rolling in money, they’re more than likely only living beyond their means. Chances are that they’re in debt up to their eyeballs and feeling terrified inside because they know that if the slightest setback happens, they’ll lose it all!

Here are a few more examples:

Jealousy

You see a seemingly happy couple in a shopping mall and you’re still single. They look so happy and so in love, and they have friends around them. But you don’t know what goes on in their house. The husband might be abusing his wife behind closed doors (or vise versa) and they’re only putting on airs. They might be on the brink of divorce.

You may look on social media and see pictures of one of your someone you know lying on the beach in the tropics. But what you don’t know is that they had to clean out their savings just to take that trip.

Here’s my point. Never judge anyone who seems a little luckier than you, because, in private, they could be fighting battles you know nothing about.

They may have a mother at home dying of cancer, a father who went off to war and never came back, or be buried in legal issues.

And many times, you feel so content with your life until you spot these people. All of a sudden, you’re feeling less than. This should be a good indicator as to how useless envy and self-comparison really are.

How you fight this is to take your attention off these people and count your blessings. Because although they may be luckier than you in one aspect, you are most likely better off than them in other ways. Think about it.

Understand that anytime you feel jealous of another person, it only means that deep inside, you have a deep-seated spirit of lack and failure and you want to take the other person’s good fortune away from them and keep it for yourself.

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It’s a sign that you don’t feel that you can ever reach those goals yourself. Stop it! Because if they can, you can too.

Stop comparing yourself to others because it’s a waste of time and energy. It also drains your of confidence.

Know that you are enough and your life is enough. And you never know what the future holds. You too may someday buy your dream home, find a loving partner, or get the opportunity to go on a tropical getaway.

For now, be happy for those who are presently getting those opportunities. Instead of provoking jealousy in you, these people should inspire you and give you hope for the future.

Being Bullied in School Should Prompt You to Learn More about Bullying and the Power Dynamic

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I began researching bullying in the early to mid-nineties. I wanted to know everything there was to know about it- why people bully, what drove bullies to single out only certain people, what bullies look for in victims, how bullying affected different people, and what characteristics determined victimhood.

Instead of being traumatized from it, I wanted to learn from it. During the nineties, I poured through countless library books, magazine articles, news columns, anything relating to the subject of bullying. I read about the different personalities of bullies, bystanders, and victims. I also poured through books and articles about politics, social infrastructures, and the power dynamic.

During the late 90’s and 2000s, I took to my PC and poured through countless online articles and essays on the subject, beginning with Tim Field and bullyonline.org based in the UK. I remember emailing Tim Field with many questions on bullying and he always replied curiously and promptly. I learned so much from Tim Field.

I was surprised to find that so many others had suffered bullying as well- celebrities, musicians, writers, doctors, attorneys, teachers, homemakers, people from all walks of life. I am saddened that Mr. Field is no longer with us. I will be forever grateful to him for sharing his expertise and being the encouragement I needed to learn more on the subject.

In my years of research, I’ve attained a vast wealth of knowledge on bullying- knowledge which has served me well both professionally and socially. In my in-depth study of bullies, I have gained so much insight into the minds and personalities of my former classmates and all bullies.

In reading countless testimonies of victims and survivors, I realize that none of it was all in my head and that I wasn’t overreacting or bringing it all on myself as my classmates and a few of my teachers had cruelly forced me to believe.

nosy watching study research

Antique books with magnifying glass. Old leather bound vintage books in a row

Bullying and the tactics used, from whisper campaigns to witch hunts to threats to bodily harm, have gone on since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new. During the years I was bullied in school, I had tried reporting it, tried speaking out only to be ignored, shamed, retaliated against, and blamed for it. That is also nothing new.

Because no one would listen, I grabbed a pen and began writing in a daily journal about the daily bullying I suffered at school to keep as a record in case the bullies at school hurt me so bad I’d need hospitalization or worse, murdered me.

I even had one of my journals taken from me by a teacher in the eighth grade and never saw it again. Luckily, I kept a backup hidden at home, and I never lost anything.

Close up of examining of test sample of microchip transistor under the microscope in laboratory.

By the time I switched schools during my senior year, I had filled several journals with countless horror stories of social aggression, psycho/emotional torment, and brutal beatings dished out by my classmates.

I kept those journals put away in a storage bin for decades because I knew that one day, I would write a book about my experiences. That book, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying.” is now published and available.

With knowledge comes power. If you’ve had something terrible happen in your life- something so awful that it deeply affected your life, learn about it instead of agonizing over it. Instead of being angry over something that happened in the past that you can’t do absolutely anything about, learn as much as you can about it and from every angle possible.

The word Answer on a puzzle piece to symbolize the quest for understanding in answering questions and concerns

Then use it to protect yourself from any future bullying and to help others who are going through the same. I guarantee that doing this will bring healing, unlike anything you can imagine!

Nothing heals you like taking any adversity, learning from it, and using it as a weapon against potential bullies and to help other victims! Try it! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Self-Love Doesn’t Mean Self-Centered

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Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.

Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.

Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.

But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.

Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.

Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.

To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.

There’s a name for this- double-standard!

Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.

So, treat yourself well! You’re worth it!

Bullies No Longer Scare Me, They BORE Me.

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bored

Here’s to not only my bullies from the past, but all bullies in the world today:

If only you had a clue. If only you knew what sniveling cowards you were and still are. If only you realized that some of us are smarter than you think and see right through your veils.

If only you could see what we see behind your pathetic attempts to look bigger, better, and brighter than what you really are. Because if you saw what we see when we look at you, you’d want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

If only you knew that in your feeble attempts to instill fear in and control others through your yelling, screaming, and cursing tirades; or your passive-aggressive dirty looks, scowls, and eye-rolls, you don’t look all-powerful. You only look desperate.

If only you could see that your relentless jockeying for power and control only gives you the appearance of weakness and desperation, not strength and ambition.

Your attacks and threats toward anyone smaller or weaker only expose your own fear and timidity. We know you’d never risk going toe to toe with someone of your equal without being buried where you’d fall. And the sad truth is that you know it too.

You hide from the truth of your inadequacies behind empathetic, ethical, and good-hearted people like us as a baby would hide behind the skirt of its mother from the boogeyman.

Your pitiful attempts to use others as a shield to conceal your flaws and imperfections make you look exactly like what you are- fakes, frauds, and imposters.

Your incessant fakery and false bravado only mean that you’re not to be taken seriously and only evidences your pathetic self-loathing.

Just knowing that you must work so hard and expend so much energy to hide your true selves and keep others down only makes us scoff at you and laugh among ourselves behind your backs because we don’t have to work as you do.

We are quite comfortable at being ourselves, and we can save our energy for use to create our own happiness and success. It’s so sad that you can’t.

Bullies, you truly are pitiful because your hatred for people like us burns you up inside, eats away at your souls, and blocks you from any peace and happiness you might otherwise attain.

So, even as you unleash your vitriol on us, we don’t hate you. You’re simply not worth the energy it takes to hate.

We only pity you– feel sorry for you because we know that at your very core- you’re so miserable with your own existence. You’re hopeless to achieve growth and become wiser and better people. And you’re helpless to better your lives.

We’ve already figured out that behind your made-up faces and fancy clothes and hairdos, there’s no substance. There’s no authenticity or anything solid. The only thing behind your weak and shaky facades is only hot air- nothingness- dead space!

You paint yourselves as most valuable, yet you bring no value to the table, only fake humanness, euphemisms, and double-speak. You may glitter and sparkle, but not all that glitters is gold. It’s only fool’s gold.

You tear people down, undermine their creativity, and take credit for their ideas. But only because you aren’t smart enough to be original. I’ll bet you’ve never had an original thought in your entire lives!

You surround yourselves with people who are just like you- coattail hitchhikers who are unable to think for themselves, who’ll jump through a thousand hoops to make “the right people” like and favor them, and who are nothing but followers, drones, lackeys, and patsies. In a nutshell, you’re only losers disguised as winners.

You talk so much garbage, but instead of making us feel bad, you only give us free entertainment- because we know now that talk is cheap- and it’s all you can do.

But you’re right about one thing. We are different from you- absolutely we are. We’re nothing like any of you. And you know what else? We’re proud of it.

People like us don’t need lackeys and followers. We can improvise, adapt to, and overcome anything. And the best part is, we have you to thank for that.

You taught us how to be inventive. We’re creative because we had to be. You taught us how to get around any roadblock or barrier placed in our paths. How? You might ask? You gave us plenty of practice!

You gave us grit– the strength to weather the storms in life, to stay the course, and to gather the wherewithal to live a better and more rewarding life.

You made us more determined to have what we want out of life. In trying to break us down, you only set some of us on our paths to success – and without meaning to!

And now, while you stay in your comfort zones and live mediocre lives, we’re willing to endure a little discomfort to expand our horizons and live extraordinary lives. And it’s finally paying off.

While you followed the latest fads and trends, we were developing those of the future.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us down. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. So, here’s another reason for you to hate us.

And the fun part is, we welcome, even embrace your hatred of us.

And we haven’t even begun yet, we’re only getting started. There’s a lot more to come.

Again. you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. And the best part is, we’re still rising!

Sorry- Oops! Not!