Neediness is not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.
When a target is bullied, they often become needy. Because they’re shunned and rejected for so long, they become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval and will lap up anything that even looks like it. But they often see acceptance when it’s really only tolerance.
Anytime a target becomes needy, some people might include them in their groups, but not because they like them or want to be around them. They’ll only pretend to like the target because they feel sorry for him. And the last thing the target should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that?
But wait! It gets worse!
After a while, the pity that his (the target’s) so-called friends have for him may wear thin.
Here are a few reasons why neediness is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:
1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it. In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!
2. The group is having to pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening. And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent. And they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.
3. Your so-called friends will never have your back. They’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.
4. You’ll only draw people who are predators. Users and abusers are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them. And once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!
Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those? I wound hope you would.
Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. But let me assure you that it won’t always be this way. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.
It happened for me and it will happen for you too!
0 thoughts on “4 Reasons Why Neediness is Not Only Bad for You, But Also Unattractive and Repelling”
Neediness derives from feelings of deprivation. When the bullied are needy it’s because so many social needs are not only met but are betrayed. It’s so important for those feeling needy to heal wounds and seek ways to be affirmed and bounstered. This can be in songs, online support groups or finding others in different areas. Otherwise, sadly, the needy will be vilified for displaying those needs.
Absolutely, Janet. And this makes me so heartbroken for them. Thank you for this wonderful comment because you just inspired an idea for a future post on neediness and it’s root- deprivation!
I wouldn’t say I’m needy. I’m just really unsure.
💯 Cherie. Spot-on, and although it’s sad, the good thing is, it is fixable. Desperate people do desperate things, and that’s not always good! 😱 Thanks for sharing ladybug! 😍 🥰 😘
You’re so welcome, sweetie! 🤗💖💐🌞
Cherie, I often claim some like to play the victim roll. Is this similar and/or another name for basically the same set of behaviors? ‘
It can be. Only with a target of bullying, they’re crying out for help. It’s behaviors like desperation to have friends, showing out, attention-seeking behaviors
Yes, have spent years working with the needy, exhausting, but some goods stories of growth and discovery. My heart goes out to them too.
Great article. ♥️
Thank you so much, Amber! ❤
I just wanted to add…people who are viewed as “needy” or “clingy” might have anxious attachment styles. There are ways to heal this. Therapy and healthy/safe relationships with secure people help the most.
That’s true, Hannah. And that may stem from deprivation or abandonment issues. Thank you so much for your thoughts on this.
I really liked this post. Everything that you describe is so well detailed. Fortunately I haven’t had the bully aspect of this topic though. It’s more of how I am with my friends.
I’m constantly striving to not be needy towards my friends anymore.
At one point I realized that I was more of an inconvenience to them the more I tried to drag them along and eventually they started pulling away. As soon as I stopped being needy, they came back and our friendships are stronger.
Overall, well done.
Thank you so much, Lily-Anne. And I’m so glad you shared your experiences with neediness too because this applies even if you aren’t bullied. 💖⚡
Neediness really sucks but in the end you have to find a way to fulfill your own needs yourself. Once you stop relying on others, you gain true power and peace.
I totally agree, Thaaer. Many times, neediness comes from deprivation. However, once you stop being needy, you will be surprised of the untold power that lies behind it. Thank you so much for your thoughts. 🙂
I think this is the best I’ve seen till now.