If you are a target of bullying, you should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being kind to you. Anytime bullies are up to something, they need you to let down your defenses. And how they get you to open up to them is to pour on the sweetness.
I want you to understand that if you see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, they could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.
Here are the signs:
1. A sudden change of heart – Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Trust needs a considerable amount of time to build. Just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who usually is brutal toward you just up and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!
2. Flattery/Sweet-Talk – Bullies instinctively know that when a person is bullied over a certain amount of time, that person is more than likely hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness, and they take full advantage!
You’ll know that something is off because they’ll overdo the pleasantries. Bullies will use excessive flattery to get you to let your guard down and trust them. And man! Do they lay it on thick! If they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.
3. A fake smile – As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.
4. Microflashes – If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces when they think you aren’t looking or paying attention. Don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.
5. Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away – Dead giveaway! Give these idiots the boot!
6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests – Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries and human rights!
Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous? You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!
When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary or that doesn’t feel right to you because that’s usually your clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.
I remember my manager (my bully) giving a public display of ‘niceness’ in the middle of the office in front of everyone. My spidy senses were tingling since she’d done nothing but attack my self esteem for months. It was sure obvious to me that this was ODD. She was working behind the scenes with human resources to fire me. She was also working with the director of my department to save her job by firing me first and then demoting herself into my job … which she did 3 days after she fired me for being a ‘bad leader’.
That doesn’t surprise me, Michael. Bullies are snakes. I’m sorry she did that to you.
I watch a lot of the Investigation Discovery channel, and I’ve seen shows where teenagers lure their victims into a deadly trap on the premise of “we’re gonna just hang out and be friends.” Google “Shanda Sharer” and “Melinda Loveless“ for an example….. I know their story is ugly and violent, but bullying victims need to protect themselves so incidents like this don’t happen to them!
Oh my goodness! I read a news article about that and the hours of torture they put that poor girl through! Ugh! Then set her on fire! Those girls who did that to her were little demon-seeds!!!
I even saw Shanda’s mother and sister on Dr. Phil and my heart broke for them! I’m so glad you brought that up! Because I have a feeling stuff like that happens more than we know!
Good advice. I remember the times when She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would all of a sudden be nice to me. I was always on the lookout for the knife… Fortunately I was able to survive and she was forced out 2 years before I retired! I won!!
You were wise to be cautious. And it’s so awesome that she didn’t get the best of you! I love reading about victories like yours!
I hope you have many more wins!!!
Reblogged this on Stop Workplace Bullies…Now!.
Thank you so much, Drew!
Interesting observations, thank you.