Tag: Workplace Mobbing

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

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‘Want to know how to spot gaslighting at work, especially if it happens to you? Here are the classic indicators of workplace gaslighting so that you can know when it’s time to to update your resume and plan your escape before your job and entire career take a huge hit.

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at work is no joke. If you’ve been on the receiving end of it like I have, you’re wondering how you spot it and know when it’s time to carefully plan your resignation and transition to a new job with a better company.

You will learn about all the signs of gaslighting at work so that you can better protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these surefire indicators, you will be better equipped to make the decision whether to dust off your resume and get out of that toxic work environment.

This post is all about gaslighting at work. This post will give you the symptoms that every job applicant and employee with any integrity should know about

Gaslighting at work: Signs to watch for

Gaslighting is gaslighting regardless of where it happens. It is a type of manipulation to make its target doubt their own sanity or feel/seem crazy.

Although it happens at home and at school, it can also happen in the workplace.  As with all gaslighters, workplace bullies gaslight their victims to avoid accountability for their own behavior. So, what are the signs?

1. The person doing the gaslighting is usually someone higher up.

When gaslighting happens at work, the people doing it are usually supervisors or those in management who use it to abuse the employees under them. In many cases, these unscrupulous authority members use charm and deceit to do their gaslighting. Therefore, it can be hard to spot it while it’s happening.

Supervisors and managers will often use their position of power and authority as leverage. This serves to discourage the employees who work under them from challenging them or reporting their abuse.

Also, the gaslighted employee is more than likely suffering workplace bullying and mobbing. Workplace bullying can add so much stress on an employee that they may be unable to think straight. And, when you cannot think straight, it’s even harder to identify gaslighting in real time.

People in authority are more inclined to gaslight in the workplace simply because of their authority.  Why? Because they know that the word of a bottom of the hierarchy employee doesn’t carry much weight in the workplace.

Also, bottom employees face bigger threats of job loss and career ruination than those in positions of power.

In most cases of Gaslighting at work, IT’s not about right and wrong. It’s about Hierarchy.

Understand that in any case of workplace bullying, mobbing, or gaslighting, it’s not about right and wrong. It’s about hierarchy. Therefore, the unspoken message is this.

“We’re in charge, you’re not, so, we can beat our chests and get away with it. And your best bet is to shut up and take the abuse or quit and go somewhere else. Good luck with that, by the way! You still have to list us as a work reference. So, not only can we fire your butt, we can also block you from getting future employment anywhere else.”

Sadly, there are some truly psychotic managers out there and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

However, it is still possible to spot gaslighting if you remain calm and know what to look for. If you are being gaslighted by a boss, your best recourse will most likely to first, gather your evidence.

Next, you quietly secure another job with a different company and put in your two-week or thirty day notice of resignation. Finally, once you leave, you’re free to sue the pants off the company. That is, IF, you have sufficient evidence to do so.

2. the gaslighter in charge is vague in their instructions.

Bullies use vagueness as a weapon. Bully bosses are always vague in their instructions. Understand that they do this deliberately. It’s a slick way for them to withhold information that’s vital to an employee’s job performance.

Moreover, workplace bullies do this in order to make the employees they despise look incompetent. Remember this. If you ever find yourself on the wrong side of a bully boss, you can be sure that they will be looking for any excuse to fire you.

Therefore, look for them to be as vague as possible when they give you instructions on how to perform your job. In other words, they will intentionally leave out important details. Later, they will admonish you harshly, in front of an audience, to humiliate you and make you look like a moron. This is just another form of gaslighting at work.

When this happens to you, I would highly suggest that you get out your resume and look for employment somewhere else. You want to do this before things get worse. And believe me, they are about to get worse, much worse.

Therefore, it’s better to go ahead and head it off now before it escalates into something that could destroy your career.

3. gaslighting in the workplace also includes a disregard of company policy.

For instance, if an employee the bully boss doesn’t like gets hurt on the job and files a report. The supervisor will accidentally-on-purpose forget to send it through the proper channels.

Then, he will accuse the injured employee of failing to report an on-the-job accident. Therefore, this provides the evil boss just another excuse to get rid of the employee.

And who’s the upper management going to believe? The employee or the supervisor? I think you already know the answer to that question.

This is why you should always make copies of the accident report if you ever get injured on the job. You will save yourself a truckload of trouble.

Again, gather your own evidence and plenty of it. Then, when another job opportunity comes open, get the hell out of there. Once you leave that hell-hole and you’re clear of any of the bullies, then haul them into court if you have satisfactory evidence to do it.

4. moving the goalposts is another form of gaslighting at work.

Understand that if you’re on the wrong side of a workplace bully in a position of power and you are lucky enough to reach a company goal, your bully boss will move the goalposts. They do this on purpose to make you look slow.

Though you may exceed goals time and time again, realize that your bully boss may view your successes as threats to his job. Therefore, he/she will cheat by raising the standards so high that it will be impossible for you (or anyone else) to reach.

Therefore, this will give them plenty of fodder to exercise their authority by chewing you and everyone else out for “failing to meet the company quota.”

Don’t even try to meet those impossible goals. You’ll only wear yourself out eventually. Besides, how many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you going to make before you become exhausted?

How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards will never yield desired results?

You’ll only end up disappointed because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully in the workplace, or anywhere for that matter.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. Realize that these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

Again, the best you can do is look for other employment. Then, once you have another gig lined up, blow on out the door and bid these tyrants good riddance. No job is worth your mental or physical health.

5. gaslighting at work is also done by co-workers.

Even co-workers may gaslight you in hopes of securing that coveted promotion. In other words, they kick you and others down to move up in the company.

Other forms of gaslighting by co-workers is when they take credit for your work. And when you speak out against it, they make it look as if you’re trying to take credit for theirs. In essence, they reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Consequently, this tactic is so easy it shouldn’t work. But, it does.

Other forms of gaslighting at work by co-workers include them making up negative stories about you.

Also, they will deliberately sow discord between you and other co-workers. In other words, they will cause unnecessary conflict between you and your colleagues to make you look as if you’re a troublemaker who just isn’t a team player.

Lastly, bullying co-workers will also intimidate your colleagues and threaten them with retaliation if they continue to associate with you.

In conclusion, you must remember this very important tidbit here:

Most cases of workplace bullying, mobbing, and gaslighting by co-workers have somebody high-up behind the scenes, directing the entire movie. Put another way, your co-workers are likely gaslighting and bullying you at the behest of a bully supervisor or manager.

And they do this because the person in power has given them incentives to do so. They’ve offered them promotions or maybe even huge bonuses to bully you out of your job.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you begin an exit plan the moment you find yourself in these kinds of situations. The sooner you quit and move on to greener pastures, the better off you’ll be.

This post was all about gaslighting at work to help you decide when it’s time to prepare your exodus, cut your losses and move on to a better job and work environment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Step-by-Step Description of Mobbing in Progress

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Mobbing is THE severest form of bullying. Once the bullying reaches the stage of mobbing, this is when the bullying becomes life-threatening! And if you’ve ever been a target of it, you know firsthand how destructive it is.

The reason that mobbing is so hard to remedy is that not only has it already rendered us so distraught that we’re unable to think clearly, but we aren’t able to name, describe, nor communicate the steps bullies take to destroy us.

A successful smear campaign is started by a bully or bullies who are well-practiced in the arts of persuasion and influence and can last for years.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A smear campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks. You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

To quote the old Geico commercial, it’s “so easy; a caveman can do it.”

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. The bullies have a dislike for a specific individual who refuses to conform to their standard of who she should be.

Now all this time, the bullies have been able to influence everyone else and get them to submit to their will and every whim. Then, low and behold, along comes the target (we’ll call her “Cindy”) who’s stubborn and either unable to or won’t submit to the bullies’ control and allow them to change her personality into what they think it should be.

And Cindy may not realize the bullies’ motives and that just by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies. So, she goes on about her business, makes plans for her future, makes achievement after achievement, and maybe she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

2. Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy. To implement their smear campaign, they watch Cindy, studying her behavior carefully until they’re able to anticipate her reactions.

3. The bullies then train their audience (i.e., the other classmates or coworkers to expect a specific type of behavior out of Cindy. They point out these behaviors when they occur. The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil.

For example, let’s say that Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter. The bullies watch as Cindy banters with people in the school or workplace. She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball,” but others know that it’s all for harmless jokes and think it’s funny because Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

4. So, the bullies begin making offhand comments. They remark that Cindy’s kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass because she wants something from people and that she thinks the people around her really are dummies, but only disguises it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness.

The bullies also make statements that Cindy thinks she’s cute and that Cindy thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

To quote a propaganda minister to a well-known dictator in history, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

5. The next time others see Cindy being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute, and the banter isn’t so funny anymore. Now people see a side of Cindy they can’t believe they never noticed before.

6. Now feeling smug with gratification, the bullies look at themselves, then at Cindy with smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing all over again.

7. And before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in Cindy, to begin with. They start having negative feelings toward the poor girl.

8. Cindy begins to pick up on the negative vibes around her and withdraws a little. She doesn’t speak to people as much as she did and doesn’t understand what she did or said to bring it all about. The bullies notice that Cindy is more distant than usual, and they point this out to everyone.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? Cindy really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s smarter than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing (Cindy’s sweet disposition) didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

9. Cindy’s withdrawal only inflames everyone’s feelings of dislike and resentment. Although her becoming distant is only out of self-protection, others mistake it for smugness and arrogance.

10. And it only snowballs from there, getting worse and worse over time. Understand that people are human, and they make mistakes. They misjudge innocent others all the time.

And when bullies condition the whole of a group, school, organization, workplace, or community to see any quality in a particular person as a bad thing, a smear campaign is most effective. So everyone, even those who aren’t bullies and are otherwise kind and compassionate, can become extremely cold and cruel to a target. And everyone repeats the same cruelty, over and over again.

Understand that smear campaigns are just too effective because they can quickly become bullying, then escalate to mobbing, which is the most severe kind of bullying. And once it increases to mobbing, it’s unstoppable, and the only way you can take your life back is to leave that toxic, poisonous environment altogether.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 5)

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(Continued from Part 4…)

Six months after Darnell and I walked away from the workplace cesspool, that was Shady Grove Living Center, the fit finally hit the shan. I was outside walking my dog when a neighbor, who still worked at the nursing home, stopped me to relay some exciting news.

Beau, Harry, and Cammie, better known as “The Thieving Three,” had all been fired from the facility earlier that day- only an hour or two earlier, in fact. The news had traveled that fast!
She told me that the owners of the facility had suddenly shown up and had the three of them escorted off the property. An Acting Administrator took Beau’s place. A temporary Bookkeeper/Payroll Clerk and Head of Maintenance took the positions of Cammie and Harry.

Over the next few weeks, several others were fired as well. The DON (Director of Nursing) was let go after stealing narcotics to feed her addiction to pain pills, as were a few other nurses. The owners also terminated the dietary manager and several CNAs- who had all been loyal flying monkeys to The Thieving Three.

So many got the ax and within such a short amount of time. The owners cleaned that place out. After it was all said and done, I could probably count on one hand the people spared.

It was the buzz around town for well over a month. After they were terminated, Harry and Cammie were so scared and humiliated that they threw everything into two U-hauls and skipped town. Surprisingly, Shady Grove never pressed charges and I was told that it was because the nursing home was afraid that pressing charges might tarnish it’s reputation.

Harry and Cammie moved somewhere around middle, TN, somewhere close to the Tennessee River. Cammie ended up working for the County Medical Center there, in the same position she had at Shady Grove. Later, she committed the same crimes there; only the Medical Center didn’t let it slide as Shady Grove had.

They pressed charges and Cammie was found guilty. The judge sentenced her to three years in state prison but she only served two.

I’ll never forget the tyrannical reign of The Thieving Three over the employees of Shady Grove, and neither will I forget their downfall. This is why I firmly believe that most bullies usually get their just desserts in the end, just as these bullies did.

Sometimes, you must let your bullies do what they do until they get too cocky, too careless, and end up falling on their own swords.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 4)

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(Continued from Part 3…)

I remember a night when one of the flying monkeys, Shelly, a CNA, approached me in the hall, from behind and began screaming, cursing, and threatening to jump me over a rumor that had it that I was stabbing her in the back.

She threatened to attack me there on the spot physically, and there were bystanders!
When I turned around, faced her, and called her out for being unprofessional, Shelly became twice as angry.

Later, I was afraid that I might face termination because Shelly had escalated the confrontation to an unprecedented level. Also, I’d seen so many others whom these people had pulled the same tactic on getting fired left and right!

I remember thinking,

“Well, if I do get canned, they won’t be able to say they didn’t have to work hard at achieving that goal! At the very least, I’ll leave here knowing I put up one hell of a fight!”

One of the bystanders was Deb, the charge nurse, and Shelly’s supervisor and buddy. Therefore, I knew that Deb would sweep Shelly’s behavior under the rug and paint me as the instigator.

Sure enough, she did. These people had a way of turning everything around to fit their narrative and getting others to agree with it.

The other guy was always to blame.
It was always the other guy’s fault.
It was never their fault, and they were never wrong.

They reported the incident to Darnell and suggested that he terminate me right then and there. When he talked to me about it, I calmly explained that Shelly had approached me from behind in a very threatening manner, that I feared for my physical safety, and didn’t know what she would do had I not faced her down.

And by this time, I’d worked under Darnell long enough that he knew the kind of person I was and that I was only taking care of myself.

So, again, Darnell went to bat for me. Also, I had made an awesome friend out of Jane, who was another charge nurse at the nursing home. She, too, went to bat for me as did several of my coworkers.

Each time nothing happened to me, the bullies only became angrier and crazier, until they were all out for blood!

It was then that I starting noticing Jules hovering around in the hall just outside the door to the laundry room. Later, I’d see him milling around nearby anytime I’d stop in the hallway to greet and talk to friends. And I’ve got to tell you! He gave me such a creepy vibe!

Next, I began seeing him standing across the street from my apartment, smoking a cigarette. And I could tell he was watching my apartment. Now that freaked me out!

I found out that he and the neighbor across the street had begun dating and that he was there to see her. She didn’t allow smoking in her house, so he had no choice but to smoke outside. Still, I didn’t feel any better. I felt as if I was being stalked!

I knew why he was hanging around so close. Jules was an eavesdropper for Cammie and her group, listening in on our convos in the laundry room and my discussions with friends in the hallway. Everybody knew it because he’d eavesdropped on many others.

My instinct also told me they’d enlisted him to watch my house. He was watching to see what company I had over- looking for any information with which to report back to Cammie.

The fact that Jules’ girlfriend lived across the street from me was a convenient cover for him and they knew it. Although I knew what was going on, I didn’t speak of it because I knew I couldn’t without sounding completely nuts. I did the best thing by keeping it to myself but filing it in the back of my mind. The only people I told were my closest family and they knew I wasn’t kidding.

Luckily, his girlfriend was a good friend of mine and I knew she only kept him around because she was lonely. So, I used it to my advantage, and cozied up to her a little bit more so she would volunteer to tell me little tidbits about what he was doing. Sure enough, she confirmed my suspicions.

Not much later, Darnell, having himself become a target of the vitriol that inflected the workplace, announced to us that he had put in his two-week notice of resignation and was moving on to a better job and a better work environment.

Although we were happy that he’d finally found something better and was getting out of that hellhole, we were also deeply saddened because we’d miss him so much. We saw Darnell as our fearless leader, our Captain Ahab, and our hero!

What kind of leader would the new supervisor be? And would they protect us from those devils down the hall as Darnell had?

Choosing not to leave anything to chance, I decided that I’d put in my notice as well. Being the type of woman who would always think ahead, I knew that once Darnell was gone, I’d be totally at their mercy. I had a sickening feeling that the next supervisor would toady up to the bullies in the upper echelons of management and the social order.

Strict Boss: Angry upset young business woman with blank speech bubble on white on gray background. Vector illustration.

I knew that Cammie had long waited, with bated breath, for the day when Darnell would either quit or get fired. Then, she could begin working on the new supervisor, ingratiate herself in them, and turn them against us.

Sure enough, my closest coworker told me she’d overheard Cammie saying precisely that, and she was recommending that the new supervisor terminate three of us. Knowing I was one of the three, I quickly filled out my two weeks notice of resignation and gave it to Darnell.

Darnell introduced us to the new supervisor. She was a short, dumpy woman in her forties and by her facial expression, which was hard and cold, I made the conclusion that putting in my notice was the smartest thing to do and gave myself a pat on the back.

Spy Snooping Spiders Spies Covert Intelligence 3d Illustration

Off and on during the last two weeks, I’d catch those tiny micro flashes of suspicion and contempt the new supervisor would flash toward me and a few others. And the bullies were completely enraged once word of my pending exit reached their ears. But once I was out of there, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was quite proud of myself for having escaped that toxic place and walked away from the job with confidence and my self-esteem still intact.

But the best and juiciest part is yet to be told!

(Continued in Part 5…)

5 Ways Bullies Set You Up to Fail

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If you are a target of bullying, you must understand that your bullies will have slick ways of setting you up for failure. You must also learn to recognize these tactics, so you’ll be able to protect yourself.

Here are these tactics:

1. They distract you from your work. Workplace bullies deliberately distract their targets from their projects with constant interruptions, which are very time-consuming. Bullies know that if they can stall their targets, they’ll cause them to miss deadlines.

 If you have a coworker who’s constantly distracting you, politely tell the person you’re busy and will be with them when you’re able or lock the door to your office if you have one. This may or may not go over so well, but you’re still asserting yourself and that’s important too.

2. Withholding information. Bullies deliberately prevent targets from having the information needed to do their jobs. If you are a victim, they will cause you to miss important meetings and deadlines, which can put your job and career in jeopardy.

If you find that you’re not getting the proper information to do your job, find other and creative ways to get your needed info. Keep your ears peeled in case someone has a big mouth.

3. Overloading you with work. Bully bosses will either overwhelm their targets with extra work or assign tasks that are impossible to fulfill or complete on time. They may even make them work extra long hours to stress them out and keep them from getting adequate sleep. Bullies know that a person can’t do their jobs as effectively if they’re sleep-deprived.

 If this starts happening, it might be wise to quietly begin looking for another job. Tell no one of your plans to leave and for Heaven’s sake don’t tell them where you’re going! The last thing you need is for someone to make a quick phone call and cause your future employer a change of heart.

4. Misleading You. Bullies will sometimes give targets wrong times and dates for deadlines or meetings. This is done not only to sabotage you but to humiliate you and make you look incompetent.

Again, find other ways of finding these things out. Never trust your boss if he’s bullying you and never trust your coworkers either.

5. Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments. Bully bosses will often take targets off their regular work assignments and give them degrading or subservient jobs, such as cleaning the office bathrooms, making lunch and coffee runs for everyone else, serving coffee to the rest of the team, or emptying all the trash.

Again, this is when it might be time to begin looking for new employment. But do it in secret!

With knowledge comes empowerment!