Tag: workplace bullying

workplace bullying

How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

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‘Want to know how to deal with bullies? There’s a right way and a wrong way to handle them. Here are the 7 do’s and don’ts you need to be aware of.

how to deal with bullies

Bullies have all kinds of tactics in their bag of tricks. They have tactics you probably haven’t thought about yet. Moreover, there’s a wrong and right way to deal with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with bullies. You will learn the wrong and right ways to handle them so that you know what measures to avoid and which to use.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to make yourself less a target and handle bullies wisely.

This post is all about how to deal with bullies so that you can take care of yourself in any bullying situation.

How to Deal with Bullies

In order to better know the right ways to handle bullying, you must first know what ways to avoid. Here are the wrong ways of dealing with bullying that you need to know.

The Don’ts:

1. Don’t Ask them, “Why”.

Why? Because they will never tell you why they treat you so inhumanely. Understand that keeping you guessing is half the power bullies have over you.

Bullies are notorious for withholding information. In fact, withholding information is a silent bullying tactic all it’s own. Therefore, they’ll never tell you why they bully you.

In some cases, the bullies, themselves, don’t really know why. However, if they did, they probably wouldn’t tell you the truth.

So, why won’t they tell you the reasons they mistreat you?

Simple. It’s to keep you confused and bewildered. Keeping you befuddled is a power all its own. Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly.

And if you can’t think clearly, the less likely you are to figure out what to do to escape the bullies and their abuse. Or worse- how to defend yourself, conquer your bullies, and win your power back.

Keeping you confused is a huge chunk of the power bullies have over you.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! And to be truthful as to why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy.

To be honest and tell you what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve the brutal treatment your bullies continuously dish out to you.

They are the messed up ones. They are the ones with the problem. Moreover, they are the ones who will have to answer for what they’re doing one day, either in this life or the next.

Therefore, instead of focusing your attention on trying to find out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” or “What can I do to remove myself from the situation?”

Think about what options you have and weigh each of them carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

2. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t give them any apology. Ever!

For anything!

Why? Because bullies will only see your apologies as weakness. And you can never appease a bully. Realize that when you apologize to a bully, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t explain anything to them.

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into explaining yourself to them. This is a trap because, no matter how you much explaining you do, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

It doesn’t matter how logical your explanation may be, bullies will only pretend that they don’t understand. They’ll only keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them.

Know that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to throw you off balance. Moreover, bullies want to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trick! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to bamboozle you and keep you interacting with them.

Why? Because the longer your bullies can keep you engaging with them, the more chances they have to twist the things you say. Then, they can use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you later.

Therefore, don’t explain a damn thing to them. You must realize that you don’t own them any explanations. You don’t owe them squat!

How to Deal with Bullies:

Do’s

1. Do stand up to them.

You must stand up to bullies. Never ignore them and never handle them with diplomacy or politeness.

Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness, diplomacy, or pleasantries. They only respond to strength and power. Therefore, you must communicate to them in the only language they understand.

In other words, you must respond with strength and power! And sometimes that means being brutal!

For instance, physical bullies only understand the language of fists. So, you must be prepared to put up your fists and fight if necessary!

2. Gather your own evidence of bullying.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it’s crucial that you get evidence of it. Keep a daily journal and document the bullying, using the 5W Method.

Also, save any electronic evidence of cyberbullying. Why? Because if they bully you at school or work, they’ll probably find you online and bully you there as well.

Therefore, save any mean and threatening texts, emails, social media posts, and private messages on three or more flash drives.

Furthermore, depending on the laws in your state, you may be able to wear a body cam or record the bullying on a digital audio recorder.

And save any medical records and doctor’s reports if you ever need medical attention because of a physical bully.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Report the bullying to authorities.

Report the bullying to the principal, human resources, or the police. If the bullying is happening at work, fill out a grievance form. They also have bullying forms at school that you can fill out.

If all else fails, report the bullying to the police and get a restraining order. They may not do anything. However, the idea is to establish a paper trail.

And be sure to get copies of the paperwork. If there are reports on file and copies of them in your possession, you will establish evidence of a pattern of bullying.

This is a must in case you have to take it to court later.

Here’s another thing I want to mention. When you report bullying, schools and workplaces may try to assure you that they’ll do an internal investigation.

However, most of them don’t. And if they do conduct an investigation, it’s usually a sloppy one. This is why you must quietly do your own investigation.

This may require a lot of work on your part. Moreover, you may have to go through many channels. You will need patience because it will take some time.

But when you’re being bullied, you can’t afford to be lazy. Be proactive. Gather your own evidence. Be your own detective. I guarantee you that it will be worth it in the long run!

In Closing:

There are right and wrong ways to handle bullies. However, if you do everything right, you can overcome bullying. And you can emerge a winner!

This post was all about how to deal with bullies so that you can know what to do and what not to do when you encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Saying Sorry Too Much: 4 Reasons You Do and How to Stop It

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

Bullies Eat Their Own: 3 Reasons Bullies Bully within Their Group

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Would you believe that bullies usually eat their own? ‘Want to know why? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bullies eat their own

This happens at school and in the workplace. When there’s are no targets available to degrade and dehumanize, bullies will begin turning on one of their own in the peer group.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies eat their own so that you can use it to your advantage.

Once you learn all about this strange phenomenon, you will be more knowledgeable about the mentality of bullies. Also, you will find a way to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about why bullies eat their own so that you can have more knowledge about the mindsets of bullies.

Bullies Eat Their Own

Understand that even the inner circle of the clique has a pecking order. Every clique has a leader, second in command, third and so forth (depending on how many members in the group), all the way down to the bottom rat.

Therefore, if you aren’t available, the members of the clique will turn on that bottom rat and they will be the target of the day.

And if it so happens that the bottom rat’s not available either, then the poor sucker on the second rung up is the one who will catch hell. And so on.

Crap always rolls downhill and lands on whoever is unfortunate enough to be in the basement. Moreover, what was really scandalous is that sometimes, the typical victim didn’t have to be unavailable.

If you pay attention, you can stand back and watched a lot of back-biting between the members of the bully cliques. You’ll notice that a few may go out with the other friends’ boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs.

You’ll then notice how they smile in their faces at school or work the following Monday. However, stay out of it. Let them backstab each other all they want.

It’s their business and you know that any sane person would no part of such strange, twisted, and dysfunctional friendships.

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Sometimes, not being a part of “the clique” is a blessing!

You should consider yourself damn lucky not to be in with the cool crowd!

Why? Because, with them it’s back to back ego trips. While most targets, followers, and wannabes consider it a curse, you should consider it a blessing.

You can deal with not being in the in-crowd, that’s fine and dandy. The only thing you should have an issue with is when none of those creeps will leave you alone.

When they won’t go on about their business, and get a life, you should realize that it’s because of their own issues.

Bullying is all about power!

Remember that bullies must always have a victim. In other words, they must have someone to abuse.

Bullies need a person to look down on, to dump on, and to tell what to do and ride roughshod over. Therefore, if their usual targets aren’t available on any given day, the bullies at the top will turn on the lowest members of their own group and continue demeaning them until their regular targets return.

This is yet another reason why you should never accept being in one of the in-cliques. Must you be in one to feel validated? No.

You’re just as awesome without them. You’re also freer! Because if you’re not in a clique, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s unwritten rules or standards. Therefore, you’re free to be yourself and do your own thing. And there is nothing better!

Why Bullies Eat Their Own

Bullies can’t live without a power rush. Therefore, again, they want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate.

And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even.

Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light?

Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once you see the real people behind the masks, your confidence will get a big boost. You’ll realize that you aren’t and never were the one with the issues.

In this, you will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, you will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

The Sudden Power Shift

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in your favor. In other words, you will no longer be a victim. Remember that the best way to dis-empower bullies is to empower yourself.

Because, once you stop being a victim, bullies no longer have power over you. Therefore, they must go search for another victim.

When these bullies spot several potential victims, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react.

However, what will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when their potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way.

Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Here are 3 reasons bullies bully within their in-group.

1. Power Struggle.

Bullies will fight like hell to be on top. And if that means bullying members of their own group to do it, don’t think they won’t.

It’s human nature. Everybody wants to be on top. And if they can’t, they’ll do everything they can to stay off the bottom.

Therefore, the top two or three bullies may do things to each other to get on top. Or they may take turns bullying the bottom rats to compete with one another on who’s the toughest.

2. Their primary victim isn’t available.

When their usual victim is no longer available, bullies must search far and wide to find a replacement. In other words, when a victim finally leaves the toxic environment, it puts bullies right back to square one.

Therefore, again, they must find someone else to be their victim. And if they can’t find one, they’ll turn on one of the members of their in-group.

Understand that once a victim leaves, the bullies’ power goes with them. Without power, bullies don’t know what to do with themselves.

Here’s another thing to note. Bullies often become very angry when their target victim transfers or moves away. Why? You may wonder.

Again, it’s because they lose power over you. Understand that, bullies have a sick, twisted obsession with their victims. Therefore, if bullies have grown comfortable with jerking you around and you up and leave, the game is over. They lose power over you.

You’re out of their reach and they can’t handle it.

It’s why abusive partners won’t let their victims leave. Once the abused partner is gone, so is the power the abuser had over them. It’s the same with bullies.

And it’s the reason the thought of you leaving terrifies them.

3. Bullies Eat Their Own:

The victim pool is sparse or has shrunken.

I’ve said it many times before. Bullies don’t only want victims. They need them! Therefore, if the victim pool is non-existent, they will create victims for themselves. And this usually requires that they select someone in their friend group.

Once the selected victim leaves, it basically turns the entire environment on it’s ear. People will begin turning on each other and there will be a lot of in-fighting.

So, see this for what it is. Bullying is an obsession. It’s all about having power over someone else.

This post is all about the reasons bullies eat their own to give you another reason to feel good if you’re a victim of bullying and finally decide to get the hell out of dodge.

1. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. How to Deal with Physical Bullies

mobbing in the workplace

Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

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‘Want to know how mobbing in the workplace progresses step by step? Here are all the dirty but tiny details you need to know.

mobbing in the workplace

In this post, you will learn all about mobbing in the workplace. Also, you will learn how it begins and how it progresses, step by tiny step, in chronological order so that you’ll know what to expect if it ever happens to you.

Once you learn all the small details, you will be better able to predict it and, more importantly, outflank workplace bullies when they come for you.

This post is all about mobbing in the workplace so that you’ll be better prepared when workplace bullies set their sights on you.

Mobbing in the workplace

What is Mobbing?

Mobbing is extreme bullying by large groups. It can involve an entire school, workplace, or community.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader or someone in a position of power. Mobbing almost always happens out of retaliation. Maybe the target became fed-up with being bullied and finally spoke out. Maybe they did something about it.

However, most people resort to mobbing when they’re pissed off at someone and want to teach them a lesson.

Mobbing has other names as well. People often refer to it as collective bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect the target to stay quiet about the abuse. They may even demand that he bow down to and submit to it.

And when a targeted individual stands up to the bullies, they’ll punish them by working everyone else into a mob.

Chronic Bullying is Mobbing

Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time. Moreover, once bullies repeat the behavior for any length of time,  it escalates to a dangerous level. It doesn’t take long for bullying to reach epic proportions.

After a while, bullies grow so comfortable with bullying you that they skyrocket the torment. Moreover, they pursue you obsessively and non-stop.

When there’s chronic bullying, there’s usually no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s no incentive to stop.

Authorities refuse to address the bullies’ behavior. Then, the bullies become brazen and cocky. Therefore, their actions grow in strength, frequency, and level of cruelty.

Also, the bullies’ apathy toward you grows to a point where they lose all empathy. Consequently, they come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward you.

Bullies and bystanders take the attitude that anything they do to you, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good. Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing.

Bullying at work usually happens at the behest of a bully in power.

Bullies in power usually have followers and minions backing them up. Moreover, they enlist these human worker bees to do their dirty work.

Bullying becomes mobbing when an entire group unites to mob one person. And the bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

Therefore, there’s no stopping it at this stage.

Members of the bullying group become drunk on their own power. Furthermore, bullying and tormenting you is all they can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! Your bullies are so blinded by senseless rage that their very hatred controls their every move.

Mobbing in the Workplace:

When Bullying Morphs into Mobbing

They have become so addicted to power and control that they must constantly bully you to get their fix. It’s the only way they can maintain the high that this power gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. They see you as so worthless and inferior that, you don’t deserve oxygen, much less any respect.

This is why mobbing is dangerous. Because, if you’re a victim of it, you the chance of either dying by suicide or murder. Yes, bullies do murder their victims.

This is why it’s so important to get out of the environment any time you suffer mobbing. Transfer to another school. Go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Never stay in an environment that hates you. It isn’t worth the cost to your mental health! The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

Here’s a description of mobbing:

A large group of people (or mob) targets you because you opened your mouth about their abuse. Slowly, over time, they become increasingly aggressive.

Also, the number of attackers grows until they strip you of every ounce of power and completely isolate you.

Group aggression, or collective bullying, serves to reinforce a shared negative view of you. Moreover, this happens regardless of your prior value or reputation.

Vicious gossip about you circulates throughout the environment. People stick destructive labels to you and throw damaging accusations at you until they completely isolate you.

The mob will expand to include several teachers and school staff if you’re a victim of mobbing at school. Also, managers and supervisors may join the mob if you’re a target at work.

Bullies may even encourage people who are mostly peaceful and kind to join in. In other words, those who normally treat others with kindness may hate you.

Again, a bully in power directs them to gossip about you. Moreover, they instruct them to bully and abuse you.

Therefore, even the sweetest, most compassionate people can suddenly become brutal and nasty.

Peer pressure and group behavior have truckloads of influence!

Mobbing in the Workplace:

One by one, people you thought were friends begin turning on you.

And, one by one, the entire student body, workplace, or community turns their backs on you. They start slandering you. Moreover, they begin accusing you of one infraction after another.

In most cases, the people who are generally good, kind people won’t see themselves as participants of mobbing. No.

They’ll only think of themselves as defenders against an evil enemy. Therefore, they view their atrocious behavior as justified. To them, the nasty behavior is necessary.

Why? Because to know themselves as bullying participants goes against their sense of decency.

Even Sweet and Kind People Act Differently in a Group.

Always! They will be totally different people because they feel they must conform. They’ll be so different that you’ll no longer recognize them.

In fact, people who are normally sweet and kind are exponentially meaner than those who were already bullies to begin with. Why? Because they feel they have something to prove to the group.

Again, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

The reason mobbing damages you the most is because of the support you lose so quickly. As more and more people jump on the hate bandwagon, you become radioactive.

Therefore, before long, everyone avoids you. Moreover, they continue blaming you for any tiny thing that goes wrong. Even things you couldn’t possibly have any control over.

In other words, they close ranks, thereby eliminating any help or escape from the abuse.

Sadly, there isn’t much you can do once the violence has escalated to this point.

Mobbing in the Workplace:

Step-by-Step Description of Mobbing in Progress

I can’t stress this enough. Mobbing is THE severest form of bullying. Once the bullying reaches the stage of mobbing, this is when the bullying becomes life-threatening! And if you ever a target of it, you’ll know firsthand how destructive it is.

This is how mobbing starts.

A bully or small group of bullies start a successful smear campaign. Mind you, these bullies are in positions of power. Moreover, they’re well-practiced in the arts of persuasion and influence.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A smear campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks. You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

To quote the old Geico commercial, it’s “so easy; a caveman can do it.”

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. The bullies Spot a specific individual who refuses to conform to their standard of who she should be.

Let’s call her “Cindy.”

Before, the bullies could influence everyone else and get them to submit to their every whim. Then, low and behold, along comes Cindy, who’s stubborn. She subtly resists the bullies’ control and doesn’t allow them to change her personality.

Moreover, Cindy doesn’t realize their motives. She doesn’t know that, just by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies.

Therefore, she goes on about her business and makes plans for her future. She accomplishes achievement after achievement.

Maybe she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

2. Mobbing in the Workplace:

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy.

To implement their smear campaign, they watch Cindy closely. They studying her behavior and the way she reacts and responds to stimuli. And they continue to watch her until they can anticipate her reactions.

3. The bullies then train their audience to expect a certain behavior out of Cindy.

They point out those behaviors when they occur. The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil.

For example, let’s say that Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter. The bullies watch as Cindy banters with people.

She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball.” However, others know that it’s all for harmless jokes. Therefore, they think it’s funny because Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

4. Next, the bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that Cindy’s kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass because she wants something from people. The bullies tell others that Cindy thinks they really are dummies. She only covers it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness.

The bullies also make statements that Cindy thinks she’s cute. They also accuse her of thinking she’s smarter than everyone else.

5. The Bullies Then Repeat them.

And they repeat the same lies over and over again. To quote Josef Goebbels, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

 The next time others see Cindy being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. Moreover, the banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now people begin to see a side of Cindy they can’t believe they never noticed before.

6. Feeling smug, the bullies look at themselves, then at Cindy with smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing all over again.

Therefore, they continue repeating the same lies again and again.

Before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in Cindy, to begin with. Soon, they start having negative feelings toward the poor girl.

7. Cindy picks up on the negative vibes and begins to withdraw.

She doesn’t understand what she did for others to begin treating her so coldly. Therefore, she doesn’t speak to people like she did before. And why should she?

People have begun turning on her. Therefore, Cindy isn’t going to put herself in a situation to be rejected.

8. The bullies then notice that Cindy is growing distant.

They make sure to point this out to everyone. Moreover, they use Cindy’s distance as confirmation that she really does think less of everyone at work.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? Cindy really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s smarter than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

9. Cindy’s withdrawal only makes people resent her more.

Although she only grew distant out of self-protection, others mistake it for arrogance. Maybe they know that Cindy isn’t being smug. However, they don’t want to believe it. They only want to believe the running narrative.

10. Things only snowball from there.

Understand that people are human, and they make mistakes. They misjudge innocent others all the time.

A smear campaign is most effective when bullies can condition a group to see any quality in you as a bad thing.

Therefore, people can become extremely cold and cruel to you. And they repeat the same cruel behavior, over and over again.

Understand that smear campaigns are effective because they quickly become bullying. Then, they escalate to mobbing.

And once it increases to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And, sadly, the only way you can take your life back is to leave the toxic environment altogether.

This post was all about mobbing in the workplace so that you can recognize it while it’s happening and make your escape before it’s too late.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

preserving your personhood when bullied at school

Preserving Your Personhood when Bullied

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‘Want to know all about preserving your personhood when bullied? Here are all the ways you can keep your humanity intact when people bully you.

preserving your personhood when bullied

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily cause a person to self-doubt. It causes one not to believe in themselves and in their own abilities.

Moreover, it can also enable that person to trust their own innate intuition if they let it. It blinds you to people who are true. And it completely zaps your sense of who’s for real and who’s fake. Therefore, it causes the loss of ability to avoid dangerous people.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the importance of preserving your personhood when being bullied.

Once you know all about this important information, you will be better able to guard your mental health against bullying so that you can come through it as strong as possible.

This post is all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can come through it with as little damage as possible.

Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied

Bullying is a form of brainwashing. It is repeated, repetitious, and occurs over a long period of time. Moreover, it reprograms your mind and convinces you that you’re nothing.

 It eventually blinds you to your own worth as a person and to your own beauty. Also, it blinds you to your own intelligence.

It zaps you of your trust in your own abilities and decisions. You fear that anything you say and do will be wrong. Therefore, you keep your talents and gifts hidden from the world because you fear ridicule.

Self-doubt keeps you paralyzed. You hide your true, awesome self. However, by trying to hide your authenticity from others, you unwittingly push yourself down and make foolish decisions.

Therefore, you must avoid this at all costs.

Here’s how you keep your personhood when people bullying you.

1. Stop Caring what people think of you.

Here are questions you need to ponder. Does it really matter what these creeps think of you? Have any of them reached your level? Do their opinions matter? Who are they that you should care what they think? Do their opinions have any bearing on your life?

They probably don’t. So, stop caring about their opinion of you. Opinions are a dime a dozen and they don’t matter. Moreover, your bullies don’t know you on a personal level.

The weight you give to anyone’s opinion should always depend on who holds it and and the relationship you have with them. In other words, the value you give their opinion depends on who they are and how close you are to them.

Therefore, realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. Anything they say to or about you means squat.

In order for someone to offend you must first value their opinions. And that means, you must first value them. Stop giving your bullies value they haven’t earned!

Realize that your bullies’ hatred only came from a place of ignorance and stupidity. Or, it could stem from bitterness, jealousy or insecurity.

Therefore, take it with a grain of salt. Only value the opinions of God and your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. And ultimately, you stop giving them power.

2. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Be Yourself.

Continue to be yourself. No matter how others may treat you, always take steps to keep your authenticity.

If you have any talents or gifts, display them with pride. Do things that you enjoy and spend extra time with those who love you and lift you up.

You will be surprised at how great you will feel about yourself. Therefore, bullying will have less of an impact on your self-esteem.

Never lose yourself because of a bully.

3. Have the courage to be disliked.

In other words, do your thing even when others don’t like it. Again, be yourself and stand up for your beliefs and convictions.

Have your own preferences and make your own choices. Do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

When people bully and ridicule you, this is the time to double down in being proud of who you are.

4. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Love yourself even when others hate you.

No matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love. Why? Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

You must command respect and love from others. Sometimes, this means having the courage to make difficult decisions. The decision to get rid of toxic people, even those you care about isn’t easy.

Still, you must love yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go and walk away. And when you do this, you must come to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

You must love yourself before anyone else can love you. Therefore, give yourself compassion and self-care when others mistreat you.

5. Re-Frame Every Insult Your Bullies Throw At You.

For instance, you’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk.

Therefore, see it for the gift that it is. It may gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to. Moreover, they’re sense that you care about them. And when you take an interest in someone and in how they feel, who doesn’t love that!

Here’s another example. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark. Therefore, it ended up being her trademark.

This is how you re-frame people’s insults. You turn them around and mold them into compliments.

6. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Stand up to Bullies.

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and that’s completely natural. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk.

However, it’s often worth the risk in the end. If your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard. Realize that no one has the right to abuse you.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. Therefore, don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

Continue to stand up for yourself, because you, as much as anyone else, deserve to live in peace.

7. Guard your self-esteem.

This means refusing to allow your bullies to turn you against yourself. No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are.

Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns to turn others against you. Why? Because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid.

However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be. No matter how many people believe the lies and rumors, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.

Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you.

Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized.

Therefore, it’s difficult not to blame yourself.

But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you.

 Hold on to your sense of self and guard your self-esteem with your life!

8. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Set Your Boundaries.

Setting boundaries is your responsibility. No one else will do it for you. Therefore, you must set boundaries any time someone steps over them.

I understand that it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things to do. Especially after people have bullied you for so long.

They may have brainwashed you into thinking that you’re to blame for their brutish behavior. Your bullies may have even conditioned you to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over you. Or, you may even fear for your physical safety.

However, at some point, you will have to make a choice. You either stand up and defend yourself or you keep taking it and spend your entire life with people jerking you around.

Setting boundaries means saying no when a bully demands that you do something you don’t want to do. It also means calling out someone who tries to abuse you.

Always set your boundaries. It may or may not change the person’ s behavior. But you’ll feel good just knowing that you didn’t just take it lying down.

9. Enforce Your Boundaries.

Boundaries mean nothing unless you enforce them.

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

Sometimes, you must fight back if people insist on harming you. Don’t be afraid to do so. Your self-esteem will thank you later.

Also, you’ll preserve your personhood and your individuality, in the process.

THis post was all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can not only survive bullying but overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Be Happy, Be Yourself

psychological abuse tactics examples

Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

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‘Want to know the psychological abuse tactics most preferred by seasoned bullies. Here are all the psychological methods of expert bullying you need to know about.

psychological abuse tactics

Psychological abuse isn’t visible to the eyes. Therefore, it’s more difficult to provide evidence of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the most common psychological abuse tactics bullies use so that you can easily spot it, call it by name and describe it to protect yourself from further bullying.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be better to see it as it happens and defend yourself against it.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can avoid it and keep yourself safe from it.

Psychological Abuse Tactics

Seasoned bullies prefer psychological bullying over physical bullying. Why? Because this type of bullying offers easy deniability.

Unlike the physical kind, psychological bullying is less evident to any bystanders and witnesses. It leaves no visible bruises, cuts, or wounds.

In fact, it can be so subtle that even you, the victim, may not realize it’s happening. Therefore, you’ll never be able to prove that anyone ever bullied you.

Moreover, when you finally get fed up with their crap and report them to the higher-ups, it will be easier for the bullies to deny it. Also, if you stand up to the bullies, they’ll be able to play victim and make you look like the bad guy.

What are the mind games these bullies use?

1. Playing the victim.

Bullies will deliberately instigate an altercation. If you defend yourself, they’ll take your defense and twist it to make you look like the bully.

If the bully is female, she may cry those fake tears to garner sympathy. Consequently, if others aren’t wise to her, they’ll fall for her lies and blame you.

2. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Weaponizing mental health.

Also, they can use your reaction to their abuse to brand you as mentally unstable. With this tactic, bullies can easily destroy your credibility and reputation.

As a result, your relationships will likely suffer. Even worse, your bullies may then retaliate against you by escalating the harassment later.

3. quiet bullying.

Quiet bullying is bullying by dirty looks and using the silent treatment. Moreover, a quiet bully will use exclusion to bully you.

In the workplace, quiet bullying can happen through micro-managing. Also, a quiet workplace bully can assign impossible workloads and deadlines to a targeted employee.

Remember that the most talented bullies are the biggest cowards. Also, they’re the most successful actors and actresses. They have methods of harassment which are well-planned in advance.

4. Subtle Bullying Disguised as concern.

Subtle bullying can also come in the form of glares and the silent treatment. They also use soft smear campaigns.

A soft smear campaign is disguised as concern for your well being. For example, the bully may say something like, “Bless her heart. I’m really concerned about Kathy. I hope she gets the profession help she needs before it’s too late.”

And when you defend yourself against it, the bully can use your reaction as proof that you’re unhinged.

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Subtle bullying disguised as jokes.

Also, subtle bullying can disguise itself as jokes and fun. When you respond to this type of bullying, your bullies will make it look as if you can’t take a joke.

Therefore, understand that these bullies go to great lengths to prevent themselves from being exposed. They’re incredibly crafty. And they commit their attacks ever so slowly and subtly.

Moreover, they will bully undercover and hide behind a veil of superficial charm, fake playfulness, and deceit.

6. Weaponizing their social status.

These type of bullies are often in the popular crowd at school. You’ll also find them in the Good Ole’ Boy clique at work.

These bullies are often able to climb up the social ladder because of their superior social skills.  Also, they have the ability to read people and predict others’ reactions.

To top it off, they have a talent for keeping up appearances.

Therefore, they’re usually well-liked by teachers, school staff, supervisors, managers and CEOs. Also, many of them excel in studies and join clubs or sororities/fraternities at school.

Workplace bullies often make themselves out to be high performers at work. How do they do this? They do it by stealing over people’s ideas and taking credit for their work.

These bullies use their popularity as a shield from accountability. Moreover, their extreme likability adds a lot of weight to their words. This is why they often get away with bullying others.

If you live in a small town, these bullies likely come from families who have powerful local connections. This is all the more reason these people keep up appearances.

Psychological abuse Tactics:

Bullies with social status may use minions to do their dirty work for them.

Understand that these bullies likely have followers. They’re too chicken to get their hands dirty. Therefore, if they want to cause you any physical harm, they will often send one of their sycophants to do it for them.

Moreover, they will often these minions incentives to get the job done. They may offer them money and social status. Or they may offer them special favors.

Afterward, the followers will have served their purpose. Therefore, the bullies will likely discard them like a used piece of toilet paper.

However understand that most of their followers don’t really like them. Most will only kiss and cover their butts to get something from them. They may hope to get a little bit of power and social status.

7. Using their talent with words.

Many of these kinds of harassers are highly skilled wordsmiths. Therefore, they’re convincing liars and have the right answer for everything.

They’re good at rationalizing their behavior and justifying their actions. Moreover, these bullies are good at conjuring up a good story. So, they’re great storytellers. You’d think some of them would’ve chosen a career in writing.

8. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Using their social skills to bully those who aren’t as fortunate.

Bullies on top of the pecking order will use their superb social skills to take advantage of the mentally disabled. For instance, they may taunt kids with Down’s Syndrome.

They may make fun of students with Cerebral Palsy or Traumatic Brain Injury.  And they’ll push around those with physical ailments, such as Diabetes, heart defects and food allergies.

Even sadder, they may quietly bully people who are paraplegic. However, they won’t be obvious when they bully these people. Why? Because others tend to look down on those who bully those in wheelchairs.

People with weight issues, those with low self-esteem, or those with smaller builds are also fair game to these types of bullies.

Again, psychological bullies are such sniveling cowards. Otherwise, they wouldn’t select such vulnerable people to push around in the first place.

9. Gaslighting

Bullies gaslight you to brainwash you into believing that you’re losing your mind. Gaslighting always starts out subtle. However, it gradually gets more obvious over time.

Understand that the reason bullies gaslight you is to maintain their power over you. They know that once you get beyond their control, you’re likely to talk about their abuse and expose them for the monsters they are. And they can’t have that!

The term, “gaslighting,” comes from the movie, “Gaslight.” The movie is about a married couple. The husband dims the gaslights, then denies it in a way to make his wife think she’s going cuckoo.

This is why gaslighting is one of the most evil types of abuse.

Psychological Abuse tactics:

Understand that these types of bullies are the most cowardly of all.

Why? Because most of the abuse they dish out is strictly psychological. Moreover, they use these kinds of tactics because they’re afraid that someone just might stand up to them.

These bullies just might run up on somebody who will put them in their place. Even worse, they might do it publicly! 

In conclusion:

Sadly, you may have to go to school or work with these types of people. Therefore, there is no way to avoid them or to go no-contact.

 The best you can do is to see through these self-entitled, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied wimps. Also, you must learn their weaknesses so that you can find a way to expose them for the creeps they are.

This requires getting into the minds of these bullies. To properly defend yourself, you must think as they do, even though it’s not a pleasant place to be. And I’ll tell you! The souls of such people can be downright ugly!

However, sometimes it takes getting just as low, just as sneaky and just as nasty as your attacker if you ever want to expose them for what they are. Then, they’re more likely to back the hell off.

The more you know, the more you’’ll prepare and the better you’ll protect yourself from such people.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can recognize them and protect yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

Bullying the Mentally Ill: 9 Reasons Why People Do It

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It’s a shame that no one wants to talk about bullies bullying the mentally ill.  It’s not even something the media talks about. ‘Want to know about the bullying the mentally ill face? Here are the details and how we can stand up for them.

Also, if you have a mental illness and people are bullying you because of it, you can use this information to stand up for yourself.

bullying the mentally ill

Whether you have a mental illness or not, bullies and human predators can weaponize it. In other words, they can use it to label you.

Remember that bullies search for any defect to use against you. Therefore, if you have a mental illness, you’re especially vulnerable.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies love bullying the mentally ill so that you can be a better advocate for yourself. Moreover, you can better protect someone else if you see them getting bullied.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to defend against bullying based on mental health.

This post is all about bullying the mentally ill so that you can stand against this insidious type of bullying.

Bullying the Mentally Ill

When bullies can con an entire community into deeming you unhinged, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that, even if the person isn’t mentally ill, it can eventually cause them to doubt their own sanity. But understand this right now!

It’s not so much that they think you’re nuts. It’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

The mental health label is the easiest for bullies to stick to you. Why? Because, although they can never prove you are, in fact, a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The mental health label is the easiest to use.

This is why this label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Mentally unstable” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove a mental imbalance. Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

Bullying the Mentally Ill:

7 Reasons Why bullies Use the Mental Health Label

Sadly, those with mental illness are the easiest to bully. Here’s why.

1. They have the least power.

 Because mental illness comes with a lot of stigma, people who have it are virtually powerless in the social arena. Bullies always target the powerless. Why? Because, without power, you’re at the mercy of everyone around you.

2. they’re least likely to be able to properly defend themselves.

When someone has a mental illness, chances are that they won’t be able to properly stand up to bullies. Put another way, they’ll likely become overly emotional when bullies attack them.

Therefore, other people won’t pay attention to the bullies’ attacks that cause the person to freak out. They’ll focus more on the victim’s emotional reaction.

Bullies instinctively know this. So, they take full advantage of it.

3. The mentally ill have the least representation.

The mentally ill are one of the largest minorities in this country. However, they get the least representation. And, without representation, you have no one to speak nor stand in your behalf.

Therefore, this leaves you much more vulnerable than other oppressed groups. Why? Because mental illness is the least visible.

You can see skin color right off. You can’t see mental illness as easily.

4. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Society gives the mentally ill the least credibility.

There’s a lot of stigma that surrounds mental illness and bullies know it. Therefore, they’re experts at using mental health stigma to their advantage.

In other words, if a person is known to have any kind of mental illness, then who’s going to believe them when they report that they’re being bullied?

5. People don’t take them seriously.

When people label you “mentally imbalanced,” chances are that no one will ever take you seriously again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad.

Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Why? Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously.

6. they’re the easiest targets in the world.

It’s no secret that the mentally ill are easy prey for bullies. In fact, you don’t have to have a mental illness. All it takes is for people to think you have one and they can target you for these kinds of bullying.

Therefore, the label of mental instability is the easiest and most effective label to stick to a person. Moreover, if you do have a mental illness, it just makes it easier for them to label you.

Sadly, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power. Again, it’s the hardest to disprove – especially when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Why? Because there’s a good chance that any target of bullying will be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer.

The bullies can use your perfectly normal reactions as confirmation of mental illness. And no one else will know the difference. It’s that easy!

7. Bullying the Mentally Ill: 

People can easily weaponize mental illness.

In other words, they can use the target’s mental illness against them. They can use it to discredit them. Also, bullies can use the person’s mental illness to distract others’ attention from their own bad behavior.

Why? Because, if someone is mentally ill, the mental illness will be all people can focus on.

“Oh, my God! She’s going bonkers again!”

Others focus on your reaction rather than what your bullies did to cause it.

8. Those with mental illness are easiest to silence.

Bullies can use mental illness to keep you quiet. If you know that people think you’re cray-cray, you’re going to be too afraid to open your mouth.

Why? Because you know that people probably won’t believe you. They will only say that, because of your “mental instability,” you’re probably just having paranoia.

Moreover, you’ll be too afraid to fight back because if you do, you know that the bullies will only convincingly reverse roles and play victim. Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor innocent people.

If you begin shouting and cursing people out because they pushed you too far, others will only take it as you having a meltdown. All because you’re just “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, the bullies use your reactions to protect themselves from accountability. They can also keep their own reputations spotless as they continue to bully you.

The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when attacked. And people can easily mistake this natural response for mental illness.

9. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Mental Illness is the easiest distraction.

Again, if the victim is known to have a mental illness, then who’s going to pay attention to the bullies when they bully this person. They’ll be too busy focusing on the victim’s reaction rather than the bullies’ behavior that caused it.

It’ll happen when people walk in on you as you’re telling your bullies where to stick it. Moreover, these people will only catch the tail end of the confrontation. Then they’ll draw the wrong conclusions.

Understand that this is what your bullies are counting on. They provoke you just to set you up to look like you’ve completely “lost it.” Therefore, any witnesses who happen to walk by will get that impression.

Bullies do this all the time to discredit you and cover their behinds. If the bully can make you look loony, they get to continue pushing your buttons freely and with impunity.

Moreover, when you defend yourself, passers-by will only sigh and think, “Uh-oh! There they go again! They’re having another mental episode!

So, What Should you do in this Situation?

The trick is to stay calm. Emotions are your enemy and bullies will only weaponize it.

Stand up to them but do it in a calm manner! Look them in the eye, and you tell them,
“You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong! I’m not going to debate this any further with you!”

Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there slack-jawed. If the bully follows you and asks, “What’s your problem?” don’t explain it to them. They’re not five years old.

Therefore, you don’t owe them any further explanation. Say as little as possible. Just tell them, “You know what my problem is!”

The bully may continue to follow you and ask, “What did I do to you?”
Then you say, “You know what you did! Now get lost!”

Be firm but don’t yell. Yelling makes you look like a basket case.

The bully may not change their ways or their attitude. However, you’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing that you put your foot down and looked less “unstable” to any bystanders!

Therefore, the best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while. But eventually, the label will get old and wear itself out.

Then, it will lose it’s effect.

This post was all about bullies who love bullying the mentally ill so that you know how to respond without looking unstable.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Bullying the Disabled: 5 Reasons Bullies Target the Disabled

3. Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

4. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

bullying evidence for court

Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying

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‘Want to know how to gather bullying evidence. Here are all the ways you can get evidence of bullying so that you can have proof in case you must take it to court, tribunal, or to the school board.

bullying evidence

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not help you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to gather your own bullying evidence and why it’s important that you do.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information. You will be your own detective and know how to prove bullying when it happens to you.

This post is all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can prove bullying beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Bullying Evidence

The Importance of Gathering Your Own Evidence

School and workplaces may tell you they’ll investigate incidences of bullying. However, they may not. If they do, you can bet that they’ll have their own interests in mind and not yours.

They might even find ways of planting evidence against you to protect the bullies and themselves.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you learn how to gather your own evidence of bullying. Remember, proving that you’re a victim of bullying is your responsibility.

1. Document the Bullying.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Document in the tiniest details possible. Why? Because not only does it help you to keep your story straight, but it’s also admissible in court and in tribunals.

The best way to document bullying is to use the 5W Method. What is the 5W method and how do you use it in your bullying journal?

the 5W Method

When you use the 5W method, you write down What happened, Where it happened, When it happened (the exact date and time of incident), Who was involved and the names of any bystanders, and, if possible, Why it happened.

1. Bullying Evidence:

What Happened?

Write down what happened. Moreover, when you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who was Involved? Who was around to see it?

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When did the Bullying Incident happen?

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where Did it happen?

 You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Bullying Evidence:

Why Did it happen?

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your Documentation.

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You want to make your writing as easy to read as possible. In fact, you might even want to create a typed version of your journal.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words hurt me.”
  • “He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

2. Bullying Evidence:

Save any mean or threatening Texts, Emails and Online posts, comments, and Messages.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

3. Record the bullying with a body camera or digital recorder.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

And, believe it! Bullies are just itching for a chance to use the legal system against you. Again, don’t do it! It isn’t worth the time, energy, and legal expenses!

4. Bullying Evidence:

If the Bullying is physical, take still photos of any physical marks your bullies may have left on your body.

Very important! You would be surprised at the number of people who don’t think to do this. If a bully physically attacks you,always take pictures of any scrapes, cuts, or bruises.

This goes a long way in proving your case.

5. If you need medical attention, get copies of any doctors’ and hospital records.

If your bullies hurt you badly enough that you need medical treatment, get proof of that. This means making copies of the emergency room visit. If you have to have x-rays, get copies of those x-rays.

If you’ve suffered psychological bullying and need psychiatric help, get copies of those records as well. This may be more difficult. Why? It’s because of the stigma around mental health. However, you’ll need this evidence to prove psychological injuries.

when you do your own investigation, be quiet about it.

Never brag about what you’re doing to people you think are your friends. Realize that when you’re a victim of bullying, you can’t trust anyone. Not even your friends.

Bullies have ways of turning even your closest friends against you. And when they do, these pals will talk! So, keep it to yourself until it comes out in court.

Don’t document while you’re at school or work. Keep your bullying journal safe at home!

Don’t journal while you’re at school or work. Moreover, never keep your documentation in your desk at work or your locker at school.

Why? Because bullies are notorious for snooping through your things.  Workplace bullies will look through your desk. School bullies will go through your locker or gym bag.

Moreover, female bullies might snoop in your purse. Therefore, they’re likely to find your bullying journal.

Again, keep it at home and away from prying eyes!

In Conclusion:

When people are bullying and abusing you, it’s not the time to be lazy. And you should never depend on anyone else to do your investigation for you.

Why? Because this is how many victims of bullying get screwed. Again, many schools and workplaces may tell you that they’ll do an investigation. However, they usually don’t.

If, by chance, they do, they’ll be sloppy at it. Remember that these people aren’t your friends. They’re not on your side. They’ll only try to cover their own butts.

When you report bullying to school staff or to HR, you become a liability. This is why it’s important that you quietly build your own case.

It will take time and patience. Moreover, it will take a lot of work. But it will be worth it in the end. I promise you!

This post was all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can be your own detective, take control, and provide proof of bullying just in case you need it later.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

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‘Want to know exactly how to document bullying? Here are all the things you need to record in your bullying journal if you even have trouble with bullies.

how to document bullying

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you at school or at work, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how to document bullying and all the things you need to write down so that you can have admissible evidence handy to present in court or at the company tribunal.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will better be able to prove bullying and cover yourself should you ever need to take legal action or appear before a tribunal at work. Moreover, documentation is also the best thing to present before the school board if you’re bullied in school.

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you know exactly what to include in your bullying journal and write about it in a neat and organized manner.

How to Document Bullying

It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your classmates or coworkers are bullying you. Why do I say this?

Because, chances are that no one is coming to rescue you. Even if you report bullying to school staff or HR, it’s likely they won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Because, although they may be in a position to help you, is doesn’t mean they will. If nothing else, remember this. Most people only have their own interests in mind. Therefore, you must be the one to gather your evidence.

Again, the responsibility is on you. No one else! Where targets and victims of bullying mess up is when they rely on others to investigate bullying. This is a grave mistake!

Why Document Bullying?

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not want to help you. There are several reasons why people who are in a position to help bullying victims often don’t.

Moreover, if you’re a teenager being bullied by a teacher at your high school, you especially need to document it! In other words, keep a log of the bullying.

There are six reasons why you should document bullying.

1. Bullies are master seducers.

In other words, they’re charming and alluring to others. Bullies are experts at sucking up to authority. Therefore, it’s likely that those in power will let the bullies off the hook.

Also, if your bullies are star performers and get high marks, they’ll use that as leverage. For instance, if school bullies excel academically, the school will likely protect them and blame you. Why? Because the bullies make the school look good.

Therefore, it takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to members of authority. Why? Because, in most cases, they will only rebuff and blame you.

These are only a few reasons why you must keep a journal if bullies begin targeting you.

Many bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. We call this the halo effect. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

A bullying journal helps you to keep a log of the abuse.

Bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making you look like the bad guy.

Therefore, journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves.  When you keep a bullying journal, you establish a pattern of bullying that is believable. Moreover, you also provide evidence to present in court if you decide to go the legal route.

Keeping a journal may be risky. However, I still urge you to keep one if you have bullies on your tail.

I’d also advise you to keep your journal safe at home. Never take it to work or school with you. Why? Because bullies are known for plundering through your belongings.

Therefore, you risk them finding it and snooping through it. So, keep it home and write about any of the day’s bullying events as soon as you get home, while your memory of it is still fresh. The sooner you write about it, the better.

2. How to Document Bullying:

Bullies are convincing liars and actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with you. Therefore, they strip you of support and isolate you until you have no one to turn to for help.

For instance, let’s say that your bully won’t leave you alone. They keep pushing your buttons until they finally get a highly emotional reaction from you. Your bully will then weaponize your reaction while putting on a calm and collected demeanor in front of authority members.

This is why people in authority almost always side with the bully. Because they see your emotional response while the bully displays false coolness.

How do bullies weaponize your reaction? Simple. They point out your perfectly normal emotional reaction and take it out of context. They then twist everything to suit their narrative.

As a result, they successfully convince everyone that you’re the instigator. Moreover, they make you look unstable, overly dramatic, or too sensitive.

3. They Play the Victim

Another thing bullies do is cry those crocodile tears and play like they’re the victim. Therefore, those in authority will likely shift the blame onto you and protect the bullies.

Understand that seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. In other words, they’re good at explaining and rationalizing any bad behavior.

They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, you get the blame, the bullies get off Scot free, and you get punished for their behavior.

4. How to Document Bullying:

Documenting gives you a voice.

In other words, it allows you to have your say when no one else is listening. By documenting the abuse, you can tell you side without others interrupting you or ignoring you.

Moreover, it makes it harder for your bullies or anyone else to trivialize your experiences.

5. It Gives you a legal record of the bullying

For instance, if the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you can use your documentation as proof in court. Why? Because it will show that there was a long pattern of bullying before you got hurt.

Moreover, if you sue for psychological damages, the journal will also prove the bullying that cause you the psychological injuries. Again, documentation is admissible in court.

6. Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic.

 It allows you to express the emotions you otherwise couldn’t. Journals cannot trivialize your experiences, nor can they invalidate you in any way.

Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what you tell them.

How do you Document Bullying?

Believe it or not, there is a right way and a wrong way to document bullying. Therefore, we’ll talk about the right way first. The best way to document is to use the 5W Method.

How to Document Bullying:

the 5W Method

1. What

Record in your journal what happened. When you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where

 You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Why

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your journal

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You don’t want writing that isn’t easy to read.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words made me feel hurt and embarrassed.”
  • “He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you can have the best evidence if you ever need to prove a case of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

2. Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

3. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

bystanders to bullying in school

Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

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‘Want to know what bystanders to bullying do when they see you getting bullied? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bystanders to bullying

Bystanders can be the difference of whether the bullying lessens or worsens. Sadly, most bystanders either refuse to help you if you suffer bullying, or they join in.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bystanders to bullying and why they side with bullies.

Once you learn all about this information, you will not only be able to call out bystanders who band with bullies, you will be better equipped with the knowledge to defend yourself.

This post is all about bystanders to bullying and why most choose to either watch from the sidelines or join in the torment.

Bystanders to bullying

There are many reasons witness to bullying may join the bullies in tormenting you. Here are the most common reasons they do this.

1. Group-think

Excessive group-think is the accepted norm nowadays. Moreover, it’s like that everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!

A moderate amount of it is only human nature. Why? Because it’s how we conform to rules and laws. Also, it provides stability for a community.

However, excessive group-think is unhealthy, even dangerous! It’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.

An example of group-think is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.

Therefore, when there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, people who would not typically bully, will.  And they’ll do it simply because everyone is doing it. So, they think they should get in on it too.

It’s definitely like that in schools and workplaces and has been for decades. Do you wonder why people you thought were friends suddenly and without warning turn on you?

It’s because they are followers. They want to follow the crowd. Therefore, they’ll join in on bullying you to jump on the bandwagon.

These bystanders use you to get in with the cool kids. They want to feel like one of the big guys.

I can remember in high school, most of the other kids and a few teachers shared this toxic group behavior. Again, this happens everywhere.

2. Bystanders to Bullying:

Social Contagion

Why Not? Everybody Else is Bullying Her!

Peer pressure is the best motivator. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only drones to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.

They were slaves to the prospect of getting in good with “one of the cool kids” or  “the ‘Good Ole Boy” network.

‘You see? Bullies are nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talk out both sides of their mouths, holding you to a double standard.

In other words, they pretend to be something they aren’t and never cab be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression are all punishable offenses to bullies. Why?

Because they make everything about appearances. Moreover, bystanders defend people based on whose butt they want to kiss. Remember that most bystanders want move up the social ladder.

Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies because, sadly, bullies have the power to give them higher social status. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.

Bullies, themselves, are also suck-ups. Many pathetically suck up to authority members they secretly can’t stand because they think it’ll score brownie points.  And often, it does.

Also, secondary bullies take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular. Again, secondary bullies are usually bystanders who watch your bullies bully you and join in.

And hose who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you.

3. To Get in with the Big Shots

For example, back when I was in school, I knew many bystanders who become secondary bullies, hoping it would win him higher status. He was the son of one of the teachers at school.

Very few of the top bullies liked this wuss. In fact, hardly anyone liked him, yet he would lick the right boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them.

It didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him. It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.

On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.

Whoever puts on the most convincing front is usually rewarded with high social status. Moreover, not only the other classmates but many teachers and school staff reward them.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Ways Bystanders suck up to Bullies

Many use fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing. And it’s not because they like and respect these higher-ups. No.

The reason bystanders kiss their asses is to get something from them.

They also use false flattery and toxic conformity. And most of the time, it works. It makes the bullies puffed up and overconfident. Also, it yields immense social benefits for all the wannabes.

Therefore, they maintain the status quo of ritualistic bullying of those they deem socially unfit.

Most bullies have narcissism. Also, they struggle with low self-esteem. Therefore, they’re like tires with slow leaks. Their followers must continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat.

4. To Boot-Lick for Approval

Thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top surround themselves with weak wannabes. They need boot-lickers and yes-people to feed their hungry egos and tell them what they want to hear.

Sadly, most bystanders are more than happy to do it if it has a chance of rewarding them with high popularity and favors.

The high-status bullies expect everyone to think like them, dress like them and be like them. Moreover, they expect all the underlings to agree with them.

And they follow obediently, in lock-step. On the other hand, they target those who do their own thing and like being themselves.

5. Bystanders to Bullying:

Because Everyone Else is Doing it.

We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves.

We put our best foot forward to impress others. Moreover, we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it.

Most people give the illusion that they’re a hot item. Why? Because they instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to. Moreover, they’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; people tend to do what they think everyone else is doing. In other words, they strive to follow the pack or join the bandwagon. They want to get in on the next big thing.

Whether it’s a new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others, most people want to be a part of it.

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena.

Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. This crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool.

In fact, it might be the opposite but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone else thinks they are. They want to be seen with them. Therefore, so do you.

Again, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

Consequently, if everyone else is bullying you, total strangers who have never met you will try it too. Even your so-called friends will also try to bully you.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Group Behavior

Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd! Therefore, if bullying you is the happening thing, other people will want to join in.

However, know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t mean that you somehow deserve the mistreatment.

What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.

In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual with them. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare. And the better you prepare, the better you can defend yourself.

Therefore, continue to stand strong even if you must stand alone. Defend yourself against these wackos, no matter what.

They may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you saw these creeps for who they are and stood up to them.

This post is all about why bystanders to bullying join your bullies and how you should see them for the kind of people they are.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

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‘Want to know all about confident body language and all the ways you can look confident even if you don’t necessarily feel confident? Here are all the tips and tricks you need to know about.

confident body language

Confidence looks great on anybody! Even you! Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about confident body language and ways to look like you just won a million bucks!

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will not only look but feel better! Moreover, your magnetism will skyrocket!

This post is all about confident body language and ways to look confident so that you not only give your self-esteem a boost but your charisma too. And the best part is that you’ll less likely look like bully-bait!

Confident Body Language

The look of confidence can be the difference between being badass or being bullied. But before we talk about body language that make you look confident, let’s talk about the body language you should avoid.

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

Bullies are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in a potential target that screams “victim.” But, how do they do this?

Bullies will study your body language first and foremost. They also notice your emotional reactions to certain things.

In other words, they watch how you handle conflict and adversity. Here are all the negative body language moves and ways to correct them.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye-contact signals either dishonesty, or a lack of confidence. This is exactly what bullies look for.

Many victims of bullying get nervous in social situations. This is understandable.

When people have bullied you for long enough, you no longer feel safe in social interactions. Therefore, you’ll often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re nervous to the point of avoiding eye-contact with others, bullies may notice.

As a result, they’ll peg you as a victim. Also, even people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you.

Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident.

Yes, acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident.

And confidence is the best way to get through any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

submissive body language

This includes poor posture, such as slouching and hunching down. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission.

Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want to say and not seeking to achieve your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people. Instead, start achieving your own needs for a change.

Remember that you deserve, just as much as the next person, to have your needs and wants met. Therefore, start working toward your own goals. And to hell with the rest of them if they don’t like it.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body-language)

Crossing of the arms in front of you and crossing your legs are both self-protective behaviors. So are hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck.

Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. Always relax!

4. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, holding your head down, and looking bashful. Again, hold your head high.

Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do and think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies.

Therefore, you must move freely and I’m going to say it again… relax!

You must watch your body language if you don’t want bullies to spot you as a potential target. In fact, it’s the most important thing you can do.

If you catch yourself looking down, correct this by looking people in the eye or looking ahead. If it’s slouching you find yourself doing, sit up straight.

And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes. Why? Because body language speaks louder than words ever will.

Moreover, not only should you mind your own body language, you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues as well.

11 Confident Body Language Cues

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer.

Even worse, people will see it in your everyday body language. You won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying. Why? Because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse.

In other words, the victim’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason most victims have very few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, others can spot insecurity a mile away. And it makes it difficult to attract healthy people into your life.

You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, human nature dictates that healthy people stay away from those who have low self-esteem.

If you aren’t confident, you’ll attract predators. And these people will only pretend to be your friends to exert control over your life and get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles and closed body language make you appear unapproachable.

Confident Body Language:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. It is just something that happens after you’ve endured abuse for so long. However, here’s the good news!

Confident body language is something that you can learn. Moreover, it’s something you can teach yourself and practice.

And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life. Also, you’ll begin to repel bullies and other human predators.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to Look Confident and instantly win friends.

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them. Also, it shows that you’re open to friendships.

Moreover, it conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! On the other hand, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off.

It only repels people and invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than they help.

2. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them. It also shows respect.

People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye.

Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

3. Confident Body Language:

Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching, only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. Feet should be shoulder-width apart, with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

This also signals confidence. Again, confidence keeps bullies away. When a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power!

And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward the person you’re speaking to.

Also, look them in the eye when. When you do all this combined, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Confident Body Language:

Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, it’s a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax.

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

Not only does it weird people out, it sends the message that you might be trying to hide something!

Therefore, always relax around others. Having relaxed body language conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself.

Moreover, it shows that you’re confident about them too. It signals trust. Therefore, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Confident Body Language:

Hold your head up.

Holding your head down or looking down conveys low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Therefore, always hold your head high. Doing this says confidence and others notice.

Look like you feel good about yourself and your attitude will soon align with it.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you want to go elsewhere. In other words, it says that you don’t want to be with the person.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet. However, those who are the most aware of body language cues will.

Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them – that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cues are in line with your verbal ones.

This post was all about confident body language so that you can not only keep bullies away but attract healthy people and friendships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

outsmarting bullies at work

Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways that Expose Them

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‘Want to know all about outsmarting bullies so you can expose them in less obvious ways? Here are all the details you need to know about.

outsmarting bullies

You can outsmart a bully. However, sometimes, you must think outside the box and get creative to do it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways of outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them without looking like you’re exposing them.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to draw your bullies out in the open and protect yourself from them.

Outsmarting Bullies

Sometimes, you must outfox them by drawing them out in the open. For instance, many bullies will pretend to be your friend just so they can get close enough to subtly attack you.

Let’s explain further.

1. To Draw Fake People Out into the Open, Make yourself Appear Weak and Powerless.

You may think you know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to you. However, most people aren’t who they make you think they are.

Therefore, in life, there will be fakers and imposter. There will be people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends.

These people will latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they’ll get close enough to you to figure out everything about you.

They’ll find all your soft spots. In fact, they’ll ferret out your  intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams.

Once they have all these thing about you, they’ll will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Moreover, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Drawing  an enemy out requires unshakeable confidence.

What do I mean by this? Here it is.

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks.

This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person in your life.

‘You see? When people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. Therefore, to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all.

In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much safer to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated. Moreover, it feels bad when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. However, trust me on this.

Outsmarting Bullies:

You never find out who people really are until you’re at your lowest point.

Only when you’re at your lowest do you find out who’s really in your corner.

So, again, if you can make everyone think that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves. Moreover, some will be people you’d never expect.

And you don’t realize who your enemies are until the shit hits the fan.

Any time you appear at your weakest, not only will your enemies reveal themselves, they’ll be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly!

Why will these people will be so open with their dirt? It’s because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

However, realize that this is the only way you can get rid of all the dead weight. You do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully.

Therefore, if you do this right, you can ensure your peace of mind in the future. In that, you can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals.

More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

Therefore, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, make yourself appear weak and down and out. Then watch what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Moreover, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are.

You’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of history.

2. Fake a surrender to bullies to trick them into leaving you alone.

Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes! Or, at least, make it look like you’re surrendering to them!

In life, there are times when you should pick and choose our battles. In other words, you must decide when to fight back and when to leave well enough alone.

This is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful. Why? Because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll throw them off balance.

Moreover, you’ll enrage them because they were looking for a fight and they were so sure they’d get one. But they didn’t get it.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Don’t fight a battle you can’t win.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you make it look like you surrender, you give yourself time to recuperate and subtly torture and irritate your bullies.

You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. You can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies aren’t so strong.

Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

Therefore, you don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency. You do it to fool them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies continually try to show dominance and superiority. Therefore, if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them for the time being satisfies them. Moreover, it makes them feel powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction.

And they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

3. Bait and trigger your bullies.

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. In other words, play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited.

Get your bullies to react to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness allows you to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Lure your bullies to your territory or to neutral ground.

When you get your bullies to come for you, always get them on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get them on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive. Why? Because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary. Do this especially if they’re so pissed off at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.”

Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

Moreover, the angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you. Also, the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose. And you’ll lead them right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution.

If you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won. To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

Weaponize Your Bullies’ Triggers

The trick is to use your bullies’ tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

I know this isn’t a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Outsmarting Bullies:

So, how do you weaponize your bullies’ triggers?

1. Get them in public.

In other words, get them in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them.

Bait them into a reaction. Then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others they have bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bullies).

Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed has a way of getting under their skin.

Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when all their victims unite and form a group!

This really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch you when you’re alone.

However, when a group of target victims ban together, the bullies feel threatened. Why? Because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

This post is all about outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them for the creeps they are and, at the same time, protect yourself from them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying: 13 Subtle Signs to Look for.

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‘Want to know how to recognize a victim of bullying? Here are all the signs you need to know about.

how to recognize a victim of bullying

If you look closely, you will recognize a victim of bullying. You will be able to tell it in their body language and the way they carry themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to recognize a victim of bullying by reading their body language.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to help a person who is bullied. Moreover, you will be able to watch your own body language if you’re a victim yourself.

This post is all about how to recognize a victim of bullying so that you can not only monitor your own non-verbal communication, but reach out to other victims by recognizing theirs.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying

There are certain things you see in a victim that screams just that… “victim!” If bullies can point out victim material a mile away, then why can’t people who aren’t bullies?

When You Look into The Face of a Victim of Bullying

If you pay close attention, you see the anguish. Also, you can see the desperately yearning to belong. They’ll have hopelessness and despair in their eyes. The victim will constantly wonder if things will ever get better.

You also see fear in their eyes. Moreover, it will come from knowing they could be physically or psychologically attacked at any moment. Maybe even killed!

Other times, you’ll see the sadness. The victim will want to cry. However, they won’t dare to. They’ll be too afraid of looking weaker than they already look to others.

You won’t hear the silent pleas for help. Why? Because most people won’t help victims. Therefore, they know that usually, help never comes.

Most victims have a lack of trust in humanity. How can you trust after people have let you down too many times?

Moreover, you’ll see the exhaustion. The constant battle can wear you out. Victims yearn for peace. They desperately want the war to stop.

They’ve forgotten what it’s like to relax, breathe, and not have to fight. But more than anything else, you see the determination to survive another day.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Know the Body Language of Targets

Bullies bully many of their victims long term.  Many do it over a period of years. Imagine what that does to the victims’ self-esteem.

Low self-esteem, sadly, comes out in a person’s body language.

Therefore, victims of bullying are nervous people. Is it any wonder they constantly walk on eggshells?

This goes especially in social situations. It’s why victims of bullying tend to monitor every action and every word that comes out of their mouths?

And why not? Bullies have beaten them down. In fact, they’ve stripped them of their entire person-hood.

You’re always on guard. And that’s a crappy way to live.

Are they nervous and afraid or are they lying?

It depends on context.

Consequently, people accuse victims of bullying of lying about the bullying they suffer. Why? Because people mistake nervousness for having something to hide.

If you ever read “Othello,” by William Shakespeare, you’ll get a clearer picture of this heartbreaking scenario.

Moreover, this is why people call this, “Othello’s Error.”

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Othello’s Error

Othello’s Error often happens in police interrogation rooms and principal’s offices.

It comes from Shakespeare’s play, “Othello.” In the play, the main character, Othello, assumes that his wife, Desdemona, is having an affair.

In reality, Desdemona is innocent

He questions her in a aggressive and volatile manner. As a result, the poor wife becomes nervous. Even worse, the angry husband takes her nervousness as a sign of guilt.

Sadly, his often occurs in real life.

For example, bullying victims become nervous when someone questions them aggressively. The questioner then misreads the response.

They take it as a sign that the person is hiding something. Sadly, this is how many people take blame for something they didn’t do.

Most people view nervousness as a sign of deception and confidence as a sign of honesty and trustworthiness.

As we know, bullies are well-known for fake confidence and false bravado. However, victims of bullying are always nervous, and rightfully so.

Who wouldn’t be if they were constantly bullied and attacked?

People tend to rush to the narrative the fits what want to be true. Therefore, should it be any wonder that people blame targets and let bullies go scot-free?

Sadly, after this goes on for so long, targets learn to expect more of the same. And they usually get it.

In other words, the expectation of such treatment brings more of the same. So, the target grows more nervous with each occurrence.

And the more nervous the victim grows, the more suspicious others become of them. Therefore, people often make mistakes in the decoding. Not the observation!

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

13 signs a person is a victim of bullying

1. Lack of Eye Contact.

Because of severe bullying and abuse, many victims are too afraid to even look people in the eye. This goes specially for those on the Autism Spectrum!

Moreover, when people bully you to the point that you fear looking at them, it’s a terrible thing. Lack of eye contact can signal deception, yes.

However, it’s usually not the case with victims of bullying. When a person is suffering from bullying or any type of abuse, it usually conveys terror.

Therefore, we must look at context. We must ask ourselves these questions. “Have I witnessed others consistently bullying this person?”

“Are there other non-verbal signals from this person besides the inability to look at people?” This is where the ability to read clusters of body language comes in handy.

If the person is shaking, sweating, licking their lips and touching their neck, you might be able to make a more accurate guess.

Again, targets of bullying are anxious. Who wouldn’t be if they were relentlessly bullied?

Therefore, before you make snap judgements, assess the person carefully. Don’t automatically assume that the victim is lying.

2. Submissive Body Language

Many targets of bullying also display submissive body language. No surprise there. They have endured bullying so severe that they’ve learned to be submissive just to survive.

The submissive person has lost all sense of their worth. Moreover, they’re afraid to make their own decisions.

Why? Because they fear they might make the wrong one and be bullied worse for it.

3. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

The Person is Overly Forgiving

Bully victims tend to be overly forgiving. Why? Because they want to rock the boat.

Rather than risk the chance of conflict, victims of bullying take the path of least resistance. It’s easier and less risky for them to go along with the abuse.

Think about it. They already get enough of it from their bullies, be it at school, work, or home. Therefore, the last thing these victims want is to do anything to make it worse.

4. Downcast eyes

In other words, victims of bullying may hold their heads down and look down all the time. Understand that this type of bullying only brings about more bullying.

Why? Because it’s a sign of low self-esteem. And bullies take notice right away!

5. They have a sheepish look on their face

These victims will usually have a sheepish look on their faces. This is a dead giveaway because a sheepish look conveys shame.

Therefore, bullies will read it and take advantage.

6. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Staying Motionless to avoid drawing attention

Many victims will keep from moving to avoid drawing attention. Bullies can see through this too. They see this as a juicy opportunity. Therefore, they’re likely to pounce.

7. Protective Behaviors

Victims of bullying often have closed body language.  They may cross their arms in front of their torsos. Also, they might cross their legs or hunker down into their shoulders, hiding the neck.

This signals self-protection.

8. Bad Posture

Another thing they do is display bad posture. They may slouch when they stand or sit in their chairs.

9. Over-Apologizing

You always notice a victim of bullying because the person apologizes for everything. Over-apologizing is the surefire sign of bullying and abuse.

Realize that you only apologize because you’re scared, not because you’re truly sorry. It’s a trauma response. The good news is that you can kick that habit if you want to.

10. How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

They’re too quiet.

Many victims are also afraid to talk to people because they’re afraid of saying something foolish or offensive and again getting persecuted for it

After being bullied for so long, you become fearful. Around people, you clam up, keep your eyes to yourself and go about your business.

However, it seldom works because bullies are like pit bulldogs. They can smell fear from a mile away. Being reserved and staying out of the way tends to bring more bullying.

They fear looking too friendly. Therefore, victims of bullying typically don’t bother to greet people. And people often mistake it for being stuck up or standoffish.

11. They fear being seen in public.

Victims are fearful of going out because they might run into the wrong people (bullies).

12. They’re Needy and Clingy.

Many victims of bullying will bend over backwards to win friends. They’ll do desperate things to win approval and even put up with shoddy treatment.

You’ll be able to point these people out easily. Why? Because they’ll crawl behind people who don’t value them.

However, they only repel good people and attract bullies when they do these things.

13. They’re People Pleasers.

Most victims of bullying try to please everyone because they think it wins them approval. They’ll say yes when they really want to say no.

Moreover, they’ll put up with disrespect just to avoid conflict. In short, they’ll have no boundaries, which only invites more disrespect.

Victim body language is easy to see

The body language that victims display is so easy to spot. However, most people in authority either ignore it or don’t consider it.

Also, this is the body language that attracts bullies, users, and abusers!

Bullies can pick up on this body language from a mile away. And they will instantly think, “target!” and take full advantage. Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, you must watch your body language.

It won’t be easy. However, if you want to stop looking like bully-bait, you can do it. I believe in you.

All you have to do is catch yourself displaying any of the above nonverbal cues. Then, you can correct it.

How to Recognize a Victim of Bullying:

Stop Looking Like a Victim

When you catch yourself slouching, sit or stand up straight. If you see that you’re looking down, hold your head up and look straight ahead.

Also, uncross your arms and legs. Start making eye contact with people. And when people do you wrong, don’t be so forgiving.

Begin seeing your worth and setting boundaries. Lose the sheepish look and replace it with the look of confidence.

Do these things and your situation will likely improve. Realize that you don’t need permission to be yourself. You have every right to exist!

Things may get worse before they get better. However, it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.

This post is all about how to recognize a victim of bullying so that you can better pinpoint victim body language in others and in yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

2. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

3. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

4. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

5. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

the psychology of bullying at school

The Psychology of Bullying: 7 Things that Motivate People to Bully

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‘Want to know the psychology of bullying and all the motivations behind it? Here are all the reasons of bullying you need to know about.

the psychology of bullying

To understand and combat bullying, you must first know the psychology of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the psychology of bullying and all the things that motivate people to bully. Moreover, you will learn the goals and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be better equipped to defend yourself against it.

This post is all about the psychology of bullying so that you become a powerful weapon against any bully who tries to attack you.

The Psychology of Bullying

Straight up. Bullies reap many psychological rewards from bullying their victims. Moreover, it’s those rewards that motivate bullies to bully.

If you’ve fallen victim to bullying, you must know what the motivators for bullying are. Once you know these things, you’ll no longer continue to rack your brain, asking yourself, “Why me?”.

Moreover, any confusion and bewilderment will disappear and you’ll be compelled to stand up for yourself.

7 Things that motivate people to bully

What motivates bullies to bully you? Here are your answers.

1. The Desire for Power, Domination, and control.

Bullies crave power. However, the only way they can get it is by abusing their victims. In other words, the only way they can feel powerful is by dominating and controlling you.

To bullies, it’s an addiction. Power is like a drug to bullies. It gives them a rush but wears off quickly. Therefore, they’ll always come back for more.

You must realize that your bullies will never stop bullying you until you stand up to them.

2. The Psychology of Bullying:

To Cover up Truths that Make Them Uncomfortable.

Bullies may bully you because you may represent facts they don’t like. You may be an authentic person who sees through their bullshit.

Or, you may be the type who tells it like it is. This scares your bullies because there’s a chance you could call them out on their bullshit.

Therefore, they try to intimidate you into staying quiet.

Bullies aren’t concerned with facts. Especially when those facts threaten them.

For instance, let’s say that your bullies have spread all kinds of lies about you. Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes!

They’re fully aware that you aren’t who they say you are. However, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narrative. Therefore, they’ll go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that your bullies benefit from ruining of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

It takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Why? Because bullies will tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first.

Then they’ll need to lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you.

Lies have a way of building. They build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that?

Therefore, the best thing you can do is stay calm and play your hand correctly. Do this and your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it.

Then you can sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making.

3. The Psychology of Bullying:

A Bully needs a victim.

Bullies need victims. Why? Because, to appear almighty and powerful, bullies must have someone to subjugate.

If bullies don’t have someone to dominate, they won’t know what to do with themselves. Therefore, don’t be that person.

See the bullying for what it is. It’s only your bullies’ attempts to seem powerful. Then, stand up to them. You must defend yourself, even if you must put up your fists and fight!

Once you begin standing up for yourself, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift.

In other words, you’ll automatically tip the scales of power in your favor. And you will cease to be a victim. Remember that the best way to dis-empower your bullies is to re-empower yourself.

Once you stop being a victim, your bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, they’ll leave you alone and go search for another victim.

4. Sadism and Schadenfreude.

None of us want to admit that there are such people out in the world. However, there are people who get sick pleasure from another’s suffering.

They get even more pleasure if the sufferer is someone they despise. Therefore, the cold hard truth is that most bullies bully because they enjoy it.

They get their kicks from it. In fact, they relish it! Think about it, if they didn’t enjoy it, they would never bully.

And let’s face it. Nobody does anything of their own free will that they don’t enjoy. Ask yourself this question:

Unless someone held a gun to your head, would you do something- anything at all, that you did not enjoy? You wouldn’t because it goes against human nature.

Therefore, no one does anything unless there is a payoff of some kind in store for them. Most bullies bully because they love to inflict pain on another person.

Realize that to sadistic people, bullying others is like pulling the wings off a ladybug then watching it squirm. Moreover, these types of bullies will come back to bully you again to keep getting that pleasure.

These types of bullies don’t just get their pleasure from bullying you. They also get it from watching you react to the pain.

For instance, psychological bullies will taunt and verbally abuse their targets just to get a reaction from them. The reaction could be crying or anger.

And the more the target looks like they are suffering, the more the bullies harm them. Sadistic bullies are like sharks that smell blood in the water.

5. The Psychology of Bullying:

Fear.

Bullies fear losing power over you. Whether it’s physical attacks or smearing you, every bit of it is proof that they feel threatened.

Moreover, your bullies feel that they’re losing the battle for power or about to lose. Therefore, they double down on attacking you to reinforce their power over you.

They work twice as hard to keep you under their thumb. This often comes in the form of retaliation because you stood up to them.

In other words, you defended yourself. And the only way to discourage you from doing that again is to retaliate with greater force.

Why? Because, you just might start a huge trend and inspire others to stand up to them too. Then, the bullies would lose all respect, status, and authority (power).

6. Resentment and Revenge.

Again. When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, you only make them look like punks. This goes double if you do it in front of an audience.

Therefore, this is another reason bullies will retaliate. They do it to punish you. Moreover, this punishment is designed to subdue you and keep you under their power.

To save their “tough” reputations, your bullies must take revenge. Revenge is, is punishment for you and justice for your bullies.

Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Understand that bullies are entitled little twits.

They need gratification and satisfaction. And when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.

However, don’t cave in. Realize that any time you stand against evil, it always gets worse before it gets better. Therefore, don’t give up. And don’t give in.

Be just as determined to defend yourself as your bullies are to subdue you. In other words, when they double down, so do you.

7. The Psychology of Bullying:

Deception.

Bullies have an image to keep up. And they want to look tough. In other words, the bullies are trying like the devil to cover up the fact that you’re winning the power war against them.

Think about it. If you were truly losing, they would act indifferent toward you. Your bullies wouldn’t need to become aggressive. It wouldn’t be necessary to go on the attack because you would be no threat to them nor the image they portray in public.

Therefore, they wouldn’t give you the time of day. Bullies, particularly those with narcissism, always discard those they deem to be losers.

On the other hand, threats must be contained. Those bullies see as threats are a lot of hard work. They require many attacks for the bullies to restore their power, be that power image, social status, or even physical status.

Therefore, if a bully is incessantly attacking you, it isn’t because there is anything wrong with you. And it isn’t because you’re weak.

It’s because you pose a threat to them somehow. Moreover, that threat may or may not be so obvious. It may be subtle.

For example, the bully may pick up on something that isn’t so visible. Maybe, it’s an inner strength you have that they can’t quite put their finger on.

Nevertheless, you must continue to defend yourself. The last thing you want to do is back down from these assholes.

Continue to stand strong. Refuse to tolerate their abusive behavior. Keep fighting no matter how hard things get.

This post is all about the psychology of bullying to relieve any confusion or bewilderment you may have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

2. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

3. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

4. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

incivility vs bullying at work

Incivility vs Bullying

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Incivility vs bullying. ‘Want to know the difference between the two? Here are the many ways they differ.

incivility vs bullyingMany people mistake incivility for bullying.

In the post, you will learn the difference of incivility vs bullying. Also, you’ll learn how to tell which is which.

Once you learn all this important information, you will be better able to see the difference when they happen. Moreover, you will know how to respond more appropriately.

This post is all about incivility vs bullying. Also, it teaches you the patterns and behaviors to look for in each so that you can more accurately call it out.

Incivility vs Bullying

In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rude and obnoxious. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Everyone deals with incivility but not everyone gets bullied.

Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and negative, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.

Therefore, when is hurtful behavior classified as bullying? How do we tell the difference between bullying and incivility?  Also, what is the difference between a jerk and a bully?

Before we go any further, let’s define bullying.

The Definition of Bullying

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening

(https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

Incivility vs Bullying:

The Misuse of the term “Bullying”

In today’s climate, people use the word, “bullying” too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.

In fact, many stick the label to anyone who says anything they don’t agree with. They often confuse bullying with anything someone says that they don’t like.

Therefore, we have a duty to give the proper definition of bullying. Moreover, we must learn to differentiate bullying from other forms of conflict.

All too often, people confuse bullying with:

  • Disagreements and truthful debates
  • Misunderstandings
  • Stubbornness
  • Incivility and jerky behavior

Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does anything they don’t like.

Sure. There are those who are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.

Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.

So, what are the differences of incivility vs bullying?

1. Bullying Requires a target Victim. Incivility Doesn’t.

Bullying requires a target! In other words, bullies single out one person to abuse.

Anyone, at any age, can fall victim to bullying. Also, there is evidence that suggests that child and teen targets are more likely to grow up to be bullied, adults. A few don’t, but most do.

Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t need a target. The uncivil person just has a rotten attitude and the behavior is random. In other words, the person is just a jerk and their meanness is aimed at everyone.

All bullies, regardless of age, deep down at their core, are cowards! A jerk just doesn’t care. Period.

Again, bullying requires a target victim. Take the victim out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist. Incivility, on the other hand, has no particular target person. An uncivil person is mean to anyone.

In other words, bullies target you specifically. People who are uncivil treat everyone like dirt, not just you.

2. Incivility vs Bullying:

Bullying is a pattern. Incivility Isn’t.

As mentioned in the last section, bullying is a pattern. It repeats itself over and over. Incivility, on the other hand, is sporadic.

In other words, bullies repeat the behavior against you. There’s a reason why bullies repeat their behavior. It’s to tear down your confidence and make you doubt your worth.

The repeated attacks serve to brainwash you and convince you that you have no value. Think about it. Tyrannical governments also brainwash their target people with repeated attacks.

Therefore, there’s a reason for the repetition. Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth. Repeat a behavior often enough and it becomes normalized. Bullying operates the same exact way.

On the other hand, Incivility isn’t repeated, especially against the same person. Again, jerks  direct their vicious attitudes toward all kinds of people.

3. Bullying Lasts a Long Period of Time.

  Not only do bullies repeat their attacks against the same individual or group. They also do it over a long period of time (usually from 3 weeks to several years). Therefore, it is relentless.

Bullying is long-term because it takes time to take the desired effect on the victim. In other words, targets of bullying don’t break down overnight. The breakdown is almost always a cumulative result of bullying.

Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t last long at all. In fact, it only requires a one-time occurrence.

For example, you’re driving and you accidentally pull in front of someone.

They lay on the horn and scream, “Watch where the hell you’re going you moron!” That’s not bullying. It’s incivility.

4. Incivility vs Bullying:

Bullying is a Campaign with a goal. Incivility Has No Particular Goal.

Bullies often persuade others, even total strangers, to join in on tormenting you. They go around defaming you to anyone who’ll listen.

They do this to isolate you by lessening your chances of making new friends and destroying your existing relationships.

The goal of bullying is to isolate, demoralize, and destroy the target victim. Therefore, bullies start by employing smears to destroy the target’s good name and standing in a community.

Moreover, it can tear down their relationships, family, career, finances and businesses. Consequently, the cumulative result is that bullying ruins the target’s self-esteem and their life.

5. Bullying is personal.

As mentioned earlier, bullies require a target. Also, bullying requires an agenda and vendetta. Bullies will actively pursue you and make it their mission in life to destroy you.

Uncivil people, on the other hand, have no agenda nor vendetta. Therefore, they don’t care who you are or where you come from. They just have personalities that suck. These people are just jerks.

Jerks treat everyone in general, like dirt. Moreover, they only insult you because they don’t want you to bother them with anything.  They’ll never put in the time or effort to pursue anyone.

Jerks are equal opportunity dirt bags.

A jerk just doesn’t care about anyone. Period. This kind of person is just afraid you might want something from him. On the other hand, a bully wants something from YOU.

Examples of Incivility vs Bullying:

Jerky Behavior.

If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. That’s not bullying.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Bullying would be if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street. In other words, he’d have to repeat the behavior and continue to harass you.

Only then would this be a case of bullying. Why? Because the knucklehead would be using his size and height to intimidate you. Also, he’d be repeating the behavior every day.

Voicing an Opinion.

Kathy and Kelly live across the street from each other. Kelly asks Kathy what she thinks of her new next-door neighbor. Kathy answers, saying, “I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Kathy is not a bully. Is she highly opinionated? Yes. Is she an asshole? Probably. But she’s not necessarily a bully.

However, if Kathy continues this behavior for a length of time, then yes. She would be a bully. If she smears the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood to turn everyone against them, then you could call it bullying.

Incivility vs Bullying:

Arguments and debates.

If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying. This goes even if the argument is heated.

However, incivility becomes bullying when one of the arguers begins repeatedly calling the other names and shaming them because they don’t share their beliefs. Moreover, if the person continues to harass the other long after the debate is finished, then, yes, it’s bullying.

To protect yourself from being falsely labeled a bully, you must know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Only then will you be able to distinguish between each and correct anyone who tries to stick you with that label.

And you will do it confidently.

THis post is all about the differences of incivility vs bullying so that you can better recognize the differences between the two and call out bullying when you see it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

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‘Want to know about all the ways bullies respond when you begin speaking out about bullying? Here are all the truths you need to know about.

speaking up about bullying

Many targets of bullying have had their voices stolen from them. They’re intimidated into keeping silent while others abuse and take advantage of them.

However, you can’t bite your tongue forever. Therefore, in this post you will learn what to expect once you begin speaking up about bullying.

Once you learn all these possible responses your bullies will make, you will be better prepared to confidently address it.

This post is all about speaking up about bullying so that you’ll be prepared for your bullies’ reactions and to deal with it bravely and confidently.

Speaking up about bullying

Make your voice heard when the bullying first begins.

Why? Because it will eventually come spewing out. After a while, you will snap and the stress will be as lava pouring out of an erupting volcano.

For instance, you’re calm, and people see your calmness as a weakness. Bullies began to notice how laid back you are. Therefore, they presume that if they keep violating your boundaries, there will be no consequences.

The bullying always starts subtly at first- so subtly that you don’t even notice you’re being abused.

Over several months, the bullying slowly escalates until you finally snap and show your ugly side. However, when you respond to the bullies and their audience in kind, people only use your perfectly justified human reaction to demonize you. Therefore, they make it look as if you’re mentally unstable.

But, why do they do this?

It’s because you didn’t address the bullying when it first began. In other words, you didn’t stand up for yourself in the early stages.

As a result, your bullies and everyone else have grown comfortable with abusing you. Moreover, once people become comfortable with any routine, it’s almost impossible to stop them no matter how you defend yourself.

By then, the bullying has become iron clad and taken a life of it’s own. Therefore, it’s too late to do anything.

Again, this is why you must speak out when the bullying first begins. I can’t stress this enough.

Bullies will push you and push you. They will keep digging at you until you snap on them. Then once you bite back, everyone is suddenly offended, and deems you the bad guy!

Therefore, I want you to understand that this is all a part of the bully’s playbook. The more you know, the better you can predict their behavior, and the more you’ll be able to beat these monsters at their own game.

Speaking up about bullying:

Why victims stay silent

It’s because they can’t name what’s happening to them. Sure, they can feel it and see it. However, they can’t put an actual name on it because they don’t know the names of the tactics and how to describe what’s happening.

Being able to put a name on the abusive tactics takes a lot of research and study on abuse. Why? Because bullying is abuse and abuse is bullying.

Both bullying and abuse involve a power imbalance and repeated behavior. Therefore, they’re one and the same.

Why you Should learn to name each bullying tactic

The reason why we should know the names of the tactics is this. When there’s no label to put on it, it’s much harder to explain to others. Moreover, when you can’t name something, you tend to ramble.

And because you ramble about it, people are less likely to believe you when you speak out.

There’s nothing more frustrating than to know something is happening and not know how to name it. It’s as if you have an invisible gag over your mouth. Moreover, it feels like some higher force is trying to silence you and protect your bullies and abusers.

It’s the most frustrating and downright infuriating thing in the world!

Speaking up about bullying:

The Term, “Gaslighting.”

For example, let’s use the term “gaslighting.”

Even today, many people have never heard of gaslighting. Therefore, they don’t know the proper name of the emotional manipulations they may be facing.

In other words, they don’t know that it’s called, gaslighting. All they know is that what others are doing to them feels horrible. Moreover, it leaves them feeling that, somehow, they’re always in the wrong.

Therefore, they don’t know how to fix it because they don’t know what’s broken.

Yet, in the innermost parts of their soul, they know differently. Inside, they know they’re not always wrong. However, because they can’t put a name to it, these people can’t describe what was happening to them.

Therefore, it’s much harder for them to speak out without rambling and looking like they have a mental disorder.

Learning all you can about bullying is crucial.

With that said, it’s important that you read, study, and research everything you can about bullying. Moreover, find out and study the key terms for each bullying tactic.

In fact, learn all you can the names as well as the descriptions of each tactic. Why? Because, once you do, you will be able to effectively speak out about the bullying and abuse you suffer. Also, you will be able to more effectively counter the abuse.

 Realize that if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will expect you not to open your mouth about the abuse. Moreover, even bystanders and authority will want you to stay silent. Why? Because, in most cases, they will automatically side with the bullies.

However, it still doesn’t mean you must be quiet about it. Remember that bullying thrives on silence and standing up for yourself is paramount.

Understand that speaking up shows strength and bravery. And know that you’re well within your rights to do so.

However, when you break your silence, you must be prepared for the following responses bullies and others will give.

Speaking Up about Bullying:

8 Responses to Expect from Your Bullies and Possibly, Everyone Else.

1. “You’re being too sensitive.”

See this response for what it is – a classic gaslighting statement.

Understand that when people respond this way, they’re only shifting the blame to you. Moreover, they’re trying to shame you into keeping quiet about it.

Those who respond this way may be friends or followers of the bullies. Or, maybe they have a personal interest in keeping you quiet, such as the reputation of the school or company.

It could be that these people see your bullies as “good for the school’s or company’s reputation.” Also, the bullies may be family members or close friends of these gaslighters.

However, don’t be ashamed to speak out. You must keep the pressure on even if the bullying gets worse. This is how you set boundaries.

Understand that things usually get worse before they get better but they will get better.

2. “Just Ignore Them.”

This is another classic but worn out response. However, ignoring them never works.

Realize that bullies will only become angry at being ignored and escalate the bullying. Also, they may mistake your ignoring them for fear.

And if a bully gets in your face, how do you ignore that? It’s impossible. You might think that the best way to handle it is to put your hand up and walk around the bully.

 This isn’t necessarily a bad response. However, how do you know the bully won’t come after you and attack you from behind once you’ve walked past them?

When people tell you to ignore the bully, you must understand what they’re really trying to say. And what they really mean is one or more of three things:

They either don’t want to hear about it, don’t want to deal with it, or don’t have any answers themselves.

Therefore, keep speaking out. It’s how you set boundaries and setting boundaries is crucial in bullying situations.

3. Speaking Up about Bullying:

“Toughen up.”

Again. The people who could help you don’t want to get involved. So they put it all on you. And really, they’re not wrong. Protecting yourself against bullying IS your responsibility because chances are, no one will help you.

However, by telling you to toughen up, they’re shifting the blame onto you. Also, they don’t stop to think that, when they tell anyone to toughen up, they’d better be prepared to break up a fight.

Why? Because that’s your green light to tell the bully to shove it up his you-know-where or haul off and knock the idiot’s block off.

Then when they try to reprimand you for defending yourself, you can then use it as leverage. You can say, “Well? You told me to toughen up, so I did!

Therefore, you should do that!

Or, you can respond by saying, “No. It’s not about toughing up. It’s about asserting my right to be treated with decency and I don’t have to take that mess.” And when you say it, say it with conviction.

4. “Get over it.”

People do this to invalidate your experiences with bullying and your thoughts and feelings about it. Therefore, you should respond by saying, “No. You need to get over your denial that bullying happens here.”

Or, if it’s one of your bullies who tells you this, you can respond by saying something to the tune of, “No, you need to get over your assholery and your need for control! I’m not taking this crap anymore!”

5. Speaking Up About Bullying:

“Don’t be a crybaby.”

Bullies and their flying monkeys give this response to shame you into silence. Don’t let them do that. Tell the bully that they’re the crybaby because they’re afraid of being exposed.

Or, you can tell them that if they keep it up, you’re likely to make a crybaby out of them.

Whatever you do, don’t let it slide. Don’t react, but do respond.

6. “Stop whining.”

Again, this is another attempt to shame you into shutting your mouth. Therefore, come up with a response to counter this.

7. “Don’t be a tattletale.”

This is, yet, another attempt to shame you. Therefore, respond accordingly.

8. “Maybe you should just stay out of their way.”

Understand this. You don’t have to tip-toe around anyone. Neither must you bite your tongue to appease bullies.  And …you shouldn’t! Therefore, again, respond accordingly. Never take the blame for someone else’s bad behavior! Ever!

Speaking Up About Bullying:

In conclusion:

All of the above, so-called nuggets of advice are only meant to shame and silence you. Bullying is no different from any other form of abuse. It thrives on secrecy.

Therefore, if you don’t speak out about it, the bullying and abuse will only continue and escalate.

I realize that getting these kinds of responses makes you feel even worse. Moreover, there’s a temptation to clam up and burrow back into your hole. But don’t!

You must refuse to keep quiet about it!

So, keep speaking out about it. When people give you any of the above responses, that’s when you should only double down. Therefore, dig your heels in and speak louder! Why? Because only when a problem is addressed does it have the potential to be solved.

Keep speaking about it and setting boundaries!

It may get worse before it gets better. However, things will improve in the long run, it you continue to speak against the bullying.

And no matter the outcome, you’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing you took a stand.

This post was all about speaking up about bullying, the gaslighting you should expect, and how to stand up to it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

4. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies