Tag: toxic environment

bullying culture at work

Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

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‘Want to know whether your school or workplace has a bullying culture? Here are all the things you should watch for.

bullying culture

Schools, workplaces, and even communities with a bullying culture can make for environments that are toxic and foster a sense of danger. In these kinds of environments, people tend to operate under the “laws of the jungle.”

The mentality is that “might makes right” and that you can only attain power through the use of brute force. Moreover, these toxic environments can negatively impact not only your mental health but your physical health as well.

In this post, you will learn how to read the environment and recognize whether you’re in a toxic environment with a culture of bullying.

Once you learn all the bad signs, you will be able to decide what measures you must take to keep yourself safe and if you even want to remain in this type of environment.

This post is all about bullying culture and how to recognize it so that you can take steps to better protect yourself.

Bullying Culture

Schools, workplaces, and communities that have this type of culture are places where people accept bullying. In other words, they consider it a normal part of life.

Moreover, the torment of a particular person can become status quo or habit­ with classmates because it has already gone unchecked. If you’re this “particular person,” know that you are in danger and should take steps to leave the environment.

You must go someplace new, where you can start fresh and be safe. I’ll explain further as we go.

In toxic places, the bullying of a certain individual is like a cancer that grows and spreads. In other words, like cancer, it always starts out small.

How It Progresses

The Early Stages:

For example, a bully scans the environment, seeking whom he can torment. When they spots a potential victim, they test the waters by way of small, snarky comments, backhanded or compliments.

They will take tiny nibbles at you, which are so subtle, they’ll be unnoticeable to others. However, they’ll make you feel uncomfortable.

Therefore, realize that bullies do this to see how you react. If you do nothing, the bullies will only see this as a green light to continue bullying you. This is when they will select you as their target.

Bullies then put the word out that you’re an easy target. Word soon spreads throughout the entire school, company, or community that you’re ripe for bullying. Therefore, a few others will join in.

Bullying Culture:

However, heed this warning!

If others continue bullying you over a certain amount of time, without repercussions, the abuse will become the status quo.

Even in as little time as short as a few weeks, it will likely become customary for these people to bully you.  And once it becomes the status quo, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself without encountering a ton of resistance and reprisals.

Therefore, the trick is to stand up for yourself immediately. You must do it before people grow accustomed to tormenting you because once they do, it’s likely too late.

For example, people have bullied you for years. You finally get fed up, put your foot down, and stand up to your bullies. The abuse has gotten out of control and now, you refuse to bow down any longer.

One of your bullies takes it as a challenge and physically attacks you, only for you to beat the living hell out of them.

However, instead of accepting that you beat the crap out of them and going away, the bullies are outraged! They can’t accept that they got punked by someone they thought was inferior to them.

Therefore, they plot to re-enforce their power by retaliating. Not only do they want to re-enforce their dominance, they also have an insatiable desire to punish you severely.

How dare you! How dare you challenge their authority over you! This is the prevailing thought.

Bullying Culture

Middle Stages:

As time goes by, the torment you endure becomes more of a regular, everyday occurrence. Therefore, more and more people will assume that it’s okay to bully you.

You’ll notice that the taunts and verbal bullying grow more severe until they morph into physical attacks. Once this happens, others will become more and more brutal with their violence.

For example, they make begin with tripping you or running into you “accidentally on purpose.” The next thing you know, they are shoving you against the wall or to the floor.

After this goes on for a week or two, people begin punching and kicking you. Then, once they get bored with doing this, they graduate to brutally beating and choking you.

Thus, the attacks become harder to combat.

At the same time, the bullies and everyone else employ smear campaigns and set you up to get into trouble with authority.

Sadly, this set the stage for TDS, target derangement syndrome or you could call it VDS (victim derangement syndrome. Why, because, by this stage, everyone fosters a sick hatred for you.

Therefore, you have difficulty getting help and protecting yourself.

Again, heed this warning! Any time bullying is allowed to continue, it becomes a habit- a ritual. In other words, people get used to seeing it.

Therefore, when you muster up the spunk to say or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a status quo.

And once you dare to go against any status quo, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

This is why the best time to defend yourself is during the early stages!

Bullying Culture

Late Stages:

The bullying has now become a ritual. In other words, people habitually bully you and have internal motivations to do so.

Moreover, they feel that bullying you brings a positive effect (on them). Put another way, they may think that abusing you is for the good of the school, workplace or community.

Therefore, the violence has become the status quo in the environment. Others refuse to help you because bullies have discredited you.

Moreover, the long-term abuse you have suffer has desensitize everyone else. Some openly enjoy seeing people persecute you. Also, because of the smear campaigns, they hold the widely-spread belief that you’re trouble. Yet, they don’t know how or why?

The prevailing thought is, “Well, no one likes you anyway, so there has to be some justification to it.”.

Therefore, they have set the power dynamic firmly put in place and they do desperate things to maintain the status quo.

Bullying Culture

Late-Late Stages:

In this stage, it’s almost impossible to defend yourself. Why? Because you’ve waited too long. Therefore, your bullies are comfortable with abusing you and bystanders have grown comfortable with seeing it.

You are a victim! And people refuse to see you as anything but.

When you become a victim, others either consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay one. They expect you to put your head down and take the abuse.

In other words, if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

This is because any semblance of change frightens bullies, as it does most people. What frightens bullies the most is a change in the power dynamic which has long been set.

They want you to stay a victim because, “it’s just the way things are done here.”.  Also, bullies benefit from victimizing you. Therefore, and they don’t want to lose those benefits.

The advantages can be social status, gratification, satisfaction, or entertainment.

Furthermore, people come to believe that they have a right to abuse you. Moreover, they believe that they have absolute authority over you. Therefore, they feel entitled to inflict misery on you.

In the mind of a bully, you don’t have the right to undermine, nor question their power and authority. Therefore, you should just shut your mouth and take it.

Sadly, it is in this stage that you either live in misery, get murdered, leave the environment, or takes your own life.

In Conclusion:

I hope that you choose to leave the environment and go someplace where you can start fresh, heal, and begin rebuilding your life.

Therefore, this bears repeating. You absolutely MUST address it early on, as soon as you begin to see a pattern forming. Do not make the same mistake many do and let it get so bad that you either fear for, or want to end your own life.

Here’s another thing to consider. If the bullying has gone on too long and you’ve tried standing up for your rights to no avail. It’s probably time to find a way to leave the environment. Granted, this may not be feasible. However, it might be the only way for you to finally be safe.

This is an absolute must!

This post was all about bullying culture, how you recognize it and what you must do to ensure your safety. Also, the purpose of this post is to instill in you the importance of taking action during the early stages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

2. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

Reasons to Leave a Toxic Environment

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A Positive Environment

When we’re in the right environment, one that is accepting, loving, and nurturing, we not only survive, but we also thrive. We can grow and flourish.

Therefore, in a positive environment, under the right conditions, we feel free to be ourselves. We can express our own ideas and opinions without fear. Also, we can feel safe and secure. We can be confident and build positive relationships with others. This gives us the freedom to be creative and show our talents.

The people around us encourage and support us. They are cooperative and give us the freedom to be and do. Most importantly, they nudge and push us to be our best. This is the kind of environment that nurtures our souls.

Whereas, in the wrong environment, one that is toxic, oppressive, restrictive, and harmful, we may only survive. We may only squeeze by. Instead of grow, we only stagnate, or worse, regress. Instead of flourish, we only wither.

A Toxic Environment

In a toxic environment, under terrible conditions, we aren’t free. We’re only prisoners, slaves, and victims.

Furthermore, humans need more than just food and water to survive, which means they also need positivity from their environments. They need positive people around them.  Also, human beings need diverse experiences instead of sameness.

Sadly, a toxic, bullying environment only promotes sameness. It doesn’t tolerate any form of diversity because it loathes anything different. Environmental stimuli have a huge impact on our psyches and social interactions. It can make us bitter or better. Our environments can cause progression or regression.

Therefore, it is so important that, if you find yourself in an environment that sucks the oxygen out of you, you must remove yourself from it. Though it may not always be easy to do, it’s a must if you want to salvage your self-esteem and mental health. In doing so, you will save yourself a lot of stress and heartache. Also, you will save yourself months of recovery.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Environment That Conditions You Most

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What is the environment that conditions and shapes you the most when you’re in school or working? I’ll give you a hint: It isn’t the home!

Our environments determine our mental health.

They have ways of molding and shaping us, especially during our formative years. For example, a child who grows up in an abusive environment is, more than likely, going to either grow up to be an abusive adult. Or worse, they will grow up to be weakened and powerless. Remember that a person’s formative years (childhood) is the most impressionable and it determines their future!

Yes, there are exceptions to this rule. There are a few kids who develop a strong sense of self, either through dogged determination or an outside mentor. Those are the kids who make it out and create successful lives from themselves. However, most do not, and it’s sad.

You have three types of environments:
  1. Nourishing Environment (Very Healthy)
  2. Neutral Environment (Somewhat Healthy)
  3. Toxic Environment (Unhealthy)

Understand that the environment you spend most of your day in, will the one that will likely condition you. And if you spend most of your day-to-day life in a bullying environment, your mental health will suffer!

For example, a certain school kid lives in a loving and healthy home. But his classmates at school bully him mercilessly and without fail.

Now, let’s do the math:

A child or teen who is growing must have around 10 hours of sleep per day. So, subtract 10 hours for 24 hours and you’re left with a total of 14 waking hours. The average young student then spends about 8 hours per day in school. Subtract 8 hours from 14 waking hours and you have only six waking hours away from school.

Then we must figure in school bus time, or commuting time, which, for the average schoolkid, is 30 minutes to 1 hour, one way. Therefore, that’s 1-2 hours roundtrip (Keep in mind that most kids who are bullied at school are also bullied on the school bus).

Subtract that from 6 waking hours and the schoolkid in this scenario has only 4-5 waking hours at home in her loving and nourishing environment.

24 Hours (One Day)

-10 hours (Sleep)

-8 hours (School)

-1 or 2 hours (School bus)

= only 4 to 5 hours awake at home

So, that bullied child, although living in a loving and nourishing home environment, spends twice as many waking hours in a toxic school environment. Therefore, the bullying he suffers at school is likely to nullify the love and acceptance he gets at home. And he will be conditioned either to hate himself, or not to think much of himself. Because he spends more time with his bullying peers than he spends with his loving and accepting family, he’s still more likely to have self-esteem issues and lack confidence.

Now, do you see how this works?

Even sadder, the self-esteem and confidence of kids who are bullied at school and abused or neglected at home will take an even bigger hit to their mental health! Why? Because they never get a reprieve from bullying, as abuse at home is a form of bullying in and of itself.

In conclusion, how a student is treated at school has a huge impact on their mental health. It doesn’t matter how loving and nurturing their home life is. Granted, having a positive home life certainly helps, the bullying a child or teen suffers at school will likely negate any love and acceptance she receives at home.

So, how do we reverse the damage school bullies have caused a child?

We simple create opportunities for the child to make friends outside of their school. This will create more positive social experiences for them. It will help to create a more even balance between the bullying and negativity they suffer and the friendships and positivity they enjoy. Even better, it might even tip the scales and create more positive experiences and social interactions than negative!

Therefore, the resulting rise in positive experiences and interactions outside the school environment will serve to buffer person’s self-esteem and mental health from the blows of negativity they get at school.

You can help the youngster create these positive connections and experiences by sending them to summer camp. Also, you can do it by enrolling them in a martial arts class or attending neighborhood family get-togethers where there are other kids present. Attending church and church functions is another great idea.

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There are many, many opportunities available for the seizing! So, go for it! Give your bullied child these wonderful experiences! They will turn into awesome memories that will last a lifetime!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Ways Living in Survival Mode Robs You of Personal Power

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Living in survival mode can make for a hellish life. Sadly, many targets of bullying go through day-to-day life surviving instead of thriving. Not only can it have an impact on your successes with your family, relationships, and opportunities, it can affect your mental and physical health as well.

Personal power isn’t only essential to personal freedom, but also the last vestige of power we have. Without it, we’re completely powerless. So, what are the ways that being in survival mode can rob you of your personal power?

1. It exhausts you both physically and mentally.

And when you’re exhausted, you’re only running on fumes. You need extra sleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. You go into work or school at 8am dreading the day. Your butt drags around like an old, tired dog. You have zero energy, and you constantly feel sluggish. Living off raw adrenaline every day is never good and can cause health problems, such as autoimmune disorders, hypertension, and heart issues.

2. Instead of living, you only exist.

Instead of living a purposeful life, you only go through the motions. You’re being forced by circumstances beyond your control (i.e., bullies and their sycophants) to just get by. You have no chance of reaching your full potential and happiness quotient. And if you feel you can’t reach those levels, you don’t really live.

3. You either don’t have time to think about personal goals or you give up on them altogether.

When you busy living in survival mode, you’ll more than likely give up on your goals. Once you resign yourself, then the goal simply becomes just to survive and get through the day. If you do think about your goals, those goals are only passing thoughts. Or you wish for your goals to materialize.

But here’s the thing about wishing instead of goal setting. Wishing denotes a spirit of lack instead of the spirit of abundance. A spirit of lack only invites more lack to come into your life. Thoughts and feelings become our circumstances. What we think about, if even subconsciously, comes about.

Sadly, getting out of survival mode is a lot easier said than done. So, how do you do it?

Realize that when you’re constantly in survival mode, it usually means that you either live in a toxic environment, work in one, or go to school in one. And where there’s a toxic environment, there are toxic people.

Again, how do you get out of survival mode so you can finally relax and begin to enjoy life?

1. If you can, get out of the environment.

Getting away from the toxic place is a sure-fire way to reduce your stress levels and restore your mental health as well as your personal power. However, some people can’t leave because they have circumstances that prevent them from doing so. So, if you can’t leave, what else can you do?

2. You drawn strength from your faith.

Remember that prayer works. It works wonders.

3. Go for a walk or take a break.

This works wonders as well. Going for a walk or taking a break gives you time away from toxic people and the environment you’re stuck in. Even five minutes of time away can reduce your stress levels. In just doing these things alone, you can exercise your personal power, or what little of it you think you have left. And it feels exhilarating!

Know that you always have a choice, you may not have many of them, but you have at least one choice. Find out what your options are and use them. Only then will you feel a degree of personal freedom and, therefore get out of survival mode, if only temporarily, so that you can finally breathe again.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

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Self-doubt is the killer of dreams. It comes when a person is consistently showered with toxicity and toxicity comes from toxic people- bullies and abusers. When all a person gets is insults and abuse for a long period of time, they become exhausted and any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if targets aren’t careful, they’ll start to believe their abusers. They start seeing themselves through the eyes of their bullies. They’ll give up and others will see in them, a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly. The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Bullying and abuse takes the joy out of your life and you begin to daydream about escaping your current situation. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse. You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer that way.

Finally, you stop growing as a person because you live inside your head instead of observing life that’s going on around you and learning the lessons life is trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying and abuse you suffer only gets worse because everyone around you knows that you’re living inside your head and they ridicule you for it.

And people who do not know what you are going through or don’t understand you may mistake you for being lazy, slow, or stupid. But it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself and the bullying only gets worse. It is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Not only do I understand how you feel inside, I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, people can’t grow without positivity. Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight and people need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just negativity nor positivity.

Too much negativity or, in this case, toxicity, and the person’s emotional and psychological growth will be stunted. Then, their happiness, confidence, and dreams will die, and they’ll give up. Too much positivity, and they lose touch with the real world and real people, then become arrogant, full of themselves, demanding, and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance of both before a person can truly grow.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies and abusers try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all, although they may claim they know you more than you know yourself. The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like that and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with people who love you and who uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope and you’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are and more than you may think you are. Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most- your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

And how you do this is through self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a new place where you can grow and flourish, and where you can make friends and be no only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who allow you to shine and the sun to shine on you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!