How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

July 5, 2024June 19, 202432 Comments

Are you a softy who’s tired of being taken advantage of and wants to know how to stop being too nice?

Knowing how to stop being too nice is essential to good self-esteem and mental health. There’s nothing wrong with being kind. It’s a great virtue to have.

However, being too nice sets you up to be used and abused because we live in such an evil world. As someone who has made that mistake and found out the hard way, I’m giving you the most effective changes that you must know and make.

You will learn the exact behavior alterations you must make to stop being too nice so that you can take back your power and win respect.

After you learn what these changes are, you will reclaim your self-respect and the users, abusers, and bullies will avoid you and find someone else to use and devalue.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can win the respect you deserve and people will begin to take you more seriously.

How to Stop Being Too Nice

Before we delve into the changes you must make, you must first know what not to do. In other words, in order to know the right things to do, you must first know what you’re doing wrong so that you can fix it.

So, what are the signs that you’re being too nice and what are the behaviors that you need to avoid?

Here’s a rough description. You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.

Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.

Therefore, make no mistake about it.

There will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. In fact, a vast majority of them will.

Understand that the reason most people end up being too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. Furthermore, they feel they have no right to say no to anything and that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves.

Some people are too nice because they’re terrified of conflict.

They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Again, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!

The trick is to be kind but never be “nice.”

Kindness and niceness differ because kindness is healthy. A kind person gives to others without doing it at their own expense.

Niceness, on the other hand, is when you give at your own expense. In niceness, there is great suffering on the part of the giver.

Moreover, other people often use and abuse the giver. Instead of appreciating the giving person for their generosity, others only expect more from them.

Kind is healthy. Nice, on the other hand, is a one-way ticket to Doormat-ville!

In order to know how to stop being too nice, you must first recognize when you’re overdoing the niceties:

So, what is the first sign you’re too nice?

You put up with crappy treatment from people who don’t value you. Now how do you change this?

1. Never Tolerate Shabby Treatment.

Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.

Understand this. You can be kind without putting up with other people’s BS. You can still say no and set boundaries.

Moreover, it’s perfectly okay to disagree with people and stand up to bad behavior. Standing up for yourself and walking away from toxic environments and people isn’t wrong. It’s necessary!

Know that you are well within your rights to protect your time and your space. That’s what kind people do. They realize that if they don’t take care of their own needs, they’ll have no energy left to take care of others.

However, people who are too nice allow others to walk all over them. They suppress feelings of anger and indignation because others are constantly using and abusing them.

And why not, bullies, users and abusers are experts at reading people. They see the weakness and approval-seeking intentions behind the niceties.

Consequently, others outside this social dynamic will take notice, lose respect for you, and think you’re pathetic. Therefore, when someone treats you badly, meet them with the same attitude they brought to you.

Kind People Never Give at Their Own Expense!

In other words, respond in kind. Speak to the person in the only language they understand.

Learn how to stop being too nice and people will respect you. They’ll respect your time, your space, your privacy, and your rights to be treated with dignity.

The trick is to extend kindness to others and reserve your jerky side for only those who use, abuse, and disrespect you. Also, refuse to get sucked into any drama.

Continue to be kind. Extend to the janitor the same respect you give to the CEO. Treat the poor and homeless with dignity.

Befriend the kid who has no friends at school. Be kind to the combat veteran with severe PTSD and who everyone thinks is crazy.

Give your seat to the elderly woman using a walker or the eight-month pregnant woman. Be kind to those who are powerless and cannot do anything for you. For that’s the real test of character. This is what kind people do.

Don’t be too nice, but don’t be an unfeeling jerk either. And, for the love of Pete, never be a bully! Know that there’s a happy middle and stay in it.

So, what is the next sign you’re too nice?

You’re in the habit of over apologizing. So, how do you change this?

2. How to Stop Being too nice: stop apologizing so much.

Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.

Any time you apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with, others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you when you can’t give them what they want.

Moreover, they’ll blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame.

You must drop these people, pronto! Because they don’t care about you. They only care about what you can do to make their lives easier.

Apologies should only be given when they’re warranted and to the right people – those who truly care for you and who will understand.

So, what is another sign that you’re too nice?

Being a yes-person. You say yes to everything people ask, request, or demand. In other words, you say yes when you really want to say no.

3. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request.

Let this sink in right now! There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you’d rather not do something you don’t want to do. Period. Full stop!

No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off. That’s understandable. However, don’t against your better judgment and say yes when you’d rather say no..

Here’s an example of when you should say no:

You’re dog tired because you’ve worked all day and can’t wait to fall into bed. Once your head hits the pillow and you begin dozing off, you hear a knock at the door.

Someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!

They need help and you passively agree to help them with or solve their problem. What’s really bad is that this person has done this many times before.

What you should do is tell this person to take a walk. These types of people should never darken your door at such a ridiculous hour unless it’s a life or death emergency!

Also, never rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. Don’t be an enabler.

Understand this! If you don’t learn to say no, you’ll end up a slave to the whims of others and you’ll never have any peace. Therefore, face your fear and say no, even if you’re afraid to.

It may feel scary or even weird at first. But, better to step out of your comfort zone now than to spend the rest of your life being everyone’s yes-boy.

Instead, make them all put their grownup britches on and take care of their own problems!

Here’s yet, another sign that you need to learn how to stop being too nice: you feel guilty for putting yourself first.

How do you change this behavior?

4. Knowing How to stop being too nice is Knowing that It’s okay to put yourself first.

In other words, stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs. You must take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.

Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.

Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.

Stand up for yourself when arrogant bullies attack you and don’t back down. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, just like the next person. Command the same well-treatment that everyone else has a right to.

What’s another sign you’re too nice? Taking on the moods of those around you.

5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let other’s moods around you affect yours.

For instance, instead of letting some Negative Nancy get you down, you make sure it doesn’t affect your good mood. Never allow other peoples’ funky attitudes rub off on you.

Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines above.

This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can reclaim your dignity and self-respect and forge stronger relationships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

When Bullies Suddenly Act Like Buddies- Here’s What’s Really Going On

March 18, 202243 Comments

You know what I’m talking about. People who treated you like garbage in the past then suddenly, just up and decide that you’re the best thing since sliced bread? Yup! Those!

They’ll gush over you and pour on the compliments, and man! Do they lay it on thick! These people tell you how wonderful you are and that they got you all wrong and misjudged you. They’ll show you excessive attention and laugh at your jokes with their counterfeit laughs. Yet, your internal alarm is going off in the pit of your gut because something feels “off” about these little encounters.

These bullies act so sappy, stand a little too close, and gush over your small wins and accomplishments. They seem to latch on to you like a tick to a dog.

I’ve had bullies do the same to me in the past, and when they did, my first thought was, “Ewww,” “Yuck,” or any other utterance of total disgust. It was downright sickening, and as hard as it was not to look them in the eye and say, “Okay. What do you want,” I only humored them for a while.

But sooner or later, they got careless and stupid. The bullies ended up showing their cards without realizing it until it was too late. I’d say something that rubbed them the wrong way or have a belief they didn’t share. Then, all hell broke loose.

Isn’t it funny when bullies let their emotions tell the truth about them?

The point is that the nice act doesn’t mask evil intentions. Ever. Bullies will try it, but they end up giving themselves away eventually. But there’s more. Before they give themselves away, you can often tell that something isn’t right. You can hear the fakery in their voices, and you know they’re trying a little too hard to sound convincing. It’s as if they aren’t only trying to convince you; they’re also trying to convince themselves!

My advice is to get away from these people. Fast! Because they’re up to something. You might not know what that “something” is, but for your safety, ditch these fools and have nothing to do with them. If something feels wrong, listen closely. Your instinct never lies.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Toxic Conformity: The 15 Characteristics of Sheople

February 22, 202281 Comments

Sheople, sheeple, however you chose to spell the word, are, in short, people who are blind followers who are willing to be led to their own slaughter. You often hear the word in toxic government politics, but you also have them in office and school politics too. Not only do politicians have their sheople, but bullies in the workplace and at school have them too.

And most people are, in fact, toxic conformists. Rare is the person who thinks for themselves, especially during the last few years, and, I’ll bet you’ve wondered why most people have become a bunch of submissive sheople. I know I certainly have.

None of us are born followers, we become that way over time through our upbringing, through the messages we receive from others, and through watching and reading all sorts of media.

However, it’s up to us to dig deep and sort out the crap from the facts. Moreover, it’s also up to us whether to follow society’s standards or to follow our own path in life.

At the end of the day, we choose whether to live free or remain shackled to the whims of evil politicians, crooked managers and supervisors, authoritarian school officials, and to bullies and peer-pressure.

So, how do people who are born free and independent become sheople? And how do people who were once confident and self-assured become insecure and fearful? Most are bullied into it.

So, what are the characteristics of sheople? Find out below:

1. Sheople don’t trust themselves to make their own decisions – they’re insecure and lack the confidence needed to make decisions for themselves. So they take the easy way out and allow others to make decisions for them. These types of people lack direction and are either easily bullied, think they know it all, or both. In doing this, they allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated. In essence, they are slaves to the whims of others.

2. They are lazy – Sheople don’t want to have to work for anything but want everything done for them. They’ll do anything to keep from having to work for anything. So, they rely on other people or the system to provide for them instead of providing for themselves. But what they don’t realize is that they open themselves up to being ordered around and told what to do. They accept being told how they should live their lives. Even worse, they open themselves up to be abused and taken advantage of. Understand that even free stuff has a price, and that price is often your independence and autonomy. No one will give you anything free and if you can’t repay them with cash or material goods, you will repay them with services or with your personal freedom.

3.Sheople need someone to hold their hand – They’re little five-year-olds in adult bodies. Again, they don’t trust themselves to make good decisions because they fear they’ll fail. Therefore, they feel they must have someone else guide them through the maze of life. In short, what they don’t understand is that by giving up their responsibility for their own lives, they also give away their power to another person and end up allowing that person to lead them…right off a cliff!

4. They are gullible – They will believe anything people in power feed them. They base their judgements only on how high a position the person telling them what to do is holding and they erroneously think that the people in power care about them and want to do what’s best for them when, in most cases, the people in power are acting in their own best interests and not those of the sheople.

They can’t think for themselves, so they adopt other’s beliefs just to fit in and be accepted. They’ll go with any narrative you give them. They allow themselves to be lied to and used for someone else’s purposes.

5. Sheople are dependent. They either can’t, think they can’t, or don’t know how to do anything for themselves, so they reply on an authority to provide all their wants and needs for them. And, in order to keep getting those wants and needs meet, sheople will bow down and submit to the will of the person supplying them even if they must unnecessarily sacrifice themselves to do it.

6. Sheople are hopeless. Many sheople are incompetent and ineffective people. They don’t believe in themselves and, deep down inside, feel powerless and that they can’t do anything right. Many sheople feel that they’re failures and sadly, many of them are. So, they look to a so-called leader to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is that by looking to this person, they only give up their power and make themselves subjects to that person. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to make myself obligated to anyone other than God, my family, and my closest friends.

7. Sheople are slaves. In exchanging their freedom for security, they make themselves servants, subjects, Because to have someone else do everything and provide everything for you means to be obligated to them. Totally obligated! And because they’re completely useless and can’t take care of themselves, they must have someone else to keep them up. And anything the other person tells them to do, they will do because they know that if they don’t obey the person, the benefits they’ve been enjoying will stop. But who’s to say that they won’t stop anyway? What if the person decides to cut the sheople off once they’ve served their purpose? Then what?

8. Sheople are fearful. They are believers of fearmongers. They’re also afraid that they might have to work for something. Thirdly, they’re afraid that if they don’t conform, the benefits they enjoy will be cut off. They are easily intimidated by those in power so they do everything they’re told to stay in the good graces of the person or people at the top. Everything the they do is out of fear!

(Continued in Part 2…)

A Little Food for Thought

December 17, 20216 Comments

When someone tries so hard to prove that they’re not something (a coward, a racist, poor, lacks intelligence, etc.), it usually means they ARE that “something” and they’re only desperate to hide it! Because if they know themselves and know in their heart that they’re not, there’s no need to prove it to begin with. The truth is just there.

I’d be suspicious of anyone who panders, virtue signals, and bends over backwards in order to “prove” something.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Surefire Signs Someone’s Having Their Strings Pulled

October 19, 20213 Comments

In most cases of bullying, many targets suffer at the request of a ringleader. They may have friends and allies at first but slowly, one by one, these supporters disappear until there aren’t any left. Do you know why? It’s because the bullies have gotten to these allies and either threatened them for having something to do with the target or offered generous incentives to turn against the target.

Anytime there’s bullying, people outside the bully/target relationship will be influenced and persuaded by the bullies. Many people will instantly conform to the bullies’ way and I discussed why in the post entitled, “10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies,” just a couple of days ago. But how do we know when someone has been influenced by bullies? How do we know when our friends have been compromised? Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being told what to say, what not to say, and what to and not to do.

Here’s how:

1. They will be wishy-washy and flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they must flip-flop. They say one thing, then later, say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or what they believe will keep them out of trouble.

2. They say anything they think people want to hear. You can easily pick these people out if you listen and observe them around different types of people. Understand that folks in this category are puppets!

3. They go with the prevailing belief or narrative. If the prevailing belief or narrative (started by the bullies) is that the target is evil, crazy, a criminal, a whore, take your pick, that’s what the puppets around them will believe. And they won’t dare ask questions. They won’t care if proof to the contrary is available. They’ll only go along with whatever the word of the day is.

And understand that narratives are very flexible. They change like the weather. If you’re a target of bullying, one day you may be deemed crazy or stupid, the next day, you might be a cunning and shady con artist, and a week from now they’ll deem you an ax-murderer. You get the point.

4. They’re social chameleons. They speak and act one way around this group of people, then the exact opposite around another group of people.

Understand that these are people who can’t think for themselves. They flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’re sheep who are easily lead and persuaded.

Such people have no real personality, no backbone, and no beliefs and convictions of their own. When it comes down to it, they’re really quite pathetic and those who are true, real, and authentic (like the target), have no respect for them.

If you’re a target of bullying and you have friends who seem to turn on and off, hot and cold, because of things they hear about you and they don’t even bother to get the facts, you might want to shit-can these wimps and find better friends. Ditch and switch, baby!

Here’s What Happens When You Care Too Much About the Opinions of Others

October 13, 20214 Comments

A fellow blogger once wrote, “If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.”

How right she was!

When you care too much about what other people think, you become a slave to not only opinions but to others as well. The person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

Any time you care too much about the thoughts and opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really should and when you truly want to say it.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it and let them take you for granted.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover and an approval-seeker. You’ll be a doormat, and no one will have any respect for you. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat sh** all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will come to be expected after a while, and once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, people won’t respect you for it but be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t phase you, but they can see it in your demeanor as well.

So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you because they don’t deserve to even matter to you.

The more you know, the more bully-proof you become!

Pandering: A Mistake Many Targets Make

March 20, 20214 Comments

I’ve seen so many bullied targets- even people who aren’t victims pander- or, in laymen terms, suck up. No doubt about it, bullies can be intimidating, even downright threatening. Anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? Hmm. Let’s find out.

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

First let’s ask these two questions.

1. Would pandering really change things? No. Why? Because when we pander, we only give away more of our personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet. And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. You may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?” Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is for pansies. I can tell you that if you start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries, it’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

Other Ways Bullies Get Power- Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts, and Brown-Nosers

March 19, 20214 Comments

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails are the norm for these leaches.

In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with their parents’ other town and city connections, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

Bullies also undermine other employees’ accomplishments and successes, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?

Suck up, kiss-butt, kiss-ass

The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

When Bullies Suddenly Act Like Buddies

March 4, 20219 Comments