Tag: survivor

survivor

This is The Ultimate Power Take-Back!

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You can take any abuse you suffer and use it for the benefit of others. That’s a success, and it’s the best poke in the eye/slap in the face to your abusers.

I say this because I get plenty of pushback from a few of my old pals from way back when. Think about this; if you speak your truth and your former abusers lash back, it’s because they feel intimidated.

If they didn’t feel threatened, if your voice weren’t powerful enough to intimidate them, if you weren’t speaking the truth, they wouldn’t be pushing back so hard.

The reason why you’ve probably gotten a few nasty or threatening messages is that your former abusers know you’re telling the truth, and they’re scared to death of being exposed.

Here’s another point I want to make: Your bullies are more than likely angry they failed to accomplish their objective, and that objective was to destroy your life. They expected you to drown- to crash and burn, and you didn’t! That’s a huge disappointment to them and a blow to their fragile egos! And now, they’ve come back to try and finish the job.

But the good thing is that you should welcome their pushback because it only shows that they’re desperate. It should only inspire you to double down and spread awareness of bullying and reach out to targets with your message.

Their abuse should make you even more determined to continue warning others that, yes, such people exist. In my situation, it only compels me to call out the tactics and mindsets of bullies and expose them to show the targets of today what to look for. In short, bullies and trolls only light a brighter and hotter fire under me. And they should you too.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying Can Either Make You or Break You!

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make or break

All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it, and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative, and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry, and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

narcissist bad attitude

For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

Letter to My Bullies- Your Anger and Personal Attacks Only Expose Your Guilt

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Continued from Part 3…

And now, thanks to “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’sTrue Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying,” more and more people know the truth. They know what really happened- more people than you ever thought would find out back when we were in school.

Even though I wasn’t out for revenge when I wrote the book, and therefore, had the common decency to conceal your real names and omit certain events that would’ve called you out for the devils you are, I consciously chose not to identify your sorry butts. So, go ahead, show some chutzpah. Get offended, get angry, talk smack, I don’t care.

‘You see? The thing you don’t realize is that by getting your noses out of joint, you unwittingly called yourselves out! By opening your mouths, you exposed yourselves, and as I already knew you would! So, who’s the “retard” now?

I concealed your real names, which is more than what you deserved, yet you get your emotions so stirred up you end up telling off on yourselves! So, who are the stupid ones?

Here’s the thing. If someone had written a book about me and exposed me and all my dirt, but changed the name? I would’ve been smart enough to zip my lips and not to let on that the book was about me!

I would’ve put on a poker face because I wouldn’t want anyone to know that I was one of the idiots who acted so immature back in the day- that I was one of the brutes that mistreated so horribly a person, who back then, was powerless to defend herself! And here another newsflash. Today, bullies don’t get the glory they got back in the ‘1980s.

People look down on bullies nowadays!

And let me address the psychopaths who’ve sent me threatening and nasty messages off and on for the last three years. Heads up: I’ve both screenshotted and saved them all “just in case.” And I’ve already exposed one woman. Don’t be the next person I plaster all over the internet. Because I will, in essence, parade you naked before the eyes of the entire world.

And if anything does happen to me, anything at all, that book will be seen as a possible motive. Many, many people will come around, asking questions. And who do you think they’ll come to? Who do you think those people will want answers from? Are you willing to take that risk?

The entire class will be under a microscope, and everyone will know what the possibilities are. But that’s all it takes. Isn’t it?

One accusation. One offhand comment. One motive. The slightest suspicion. That’s it.

So, if you see me out anywhere, your best bet is to keep on walking. You stay away from me, I’ll stay away from you, and everybody’s happy.

Letter to My Bullies- I’m No Longer Afraid of You

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Continued from Part 2…

Also, the fact that no one cared about the truth nor even asked is only further proof that you all bullied and mobbed out of pure spite, ignorance, and stupidity. And the same three afflictions is why a few teachers, who followed your lead, also bullied me to the point of considering a lawsuit. A few even escalated the vitriol because they saw me as a threat.

Those few so-called teachers were afraid that I would file citing discrimination based on a perceived disability. Why? Because they found out about the daily journals, I kept each school day, documenting everything! And I’ll never forget their reactions (and those of some of you) each time they saw me writing.

It’s hilarious when I look back now because some of you seemed pretty desperate and afraid!

And the few spineless, undeserving losers I was such a fool to call friends? (Scoff) They didn’t have the stones to have my back, which means it’s safe to say that I didn’t have any friends at OHS. So, should it matter to any of you if I speak up or stay silent?

I can be honest about it now because none of you are anyone I need to impress, and I surely don’t owe any of you anything- not even respect because you did nothing to earn it. I’ll say again. You get no respect from me.

As for the few rotten apples who called themselves teachers, I realize they only fell for your lies and smear campaigns. These teachers, who were supposed to be adults, but only regressed into children by joining you in your evil and spiteful attacks, weren’t smart at all, only educated idiots. They were also too lazy to look for the facts.

Far be it from me to put their names out there because I won’t go that low. But I already suspect you know which teachers I’m referring to. So, I’ll leave it there.

With you, the excuse was always, “I’m afraid of her!” or “She’s crazy!” But the reality was that I was much more afraid of you than you ever were of me. But deep down, most of you were already aware of it.

Oh yeah. I know and you do too. I knew it back then; only I was too afraid to voice it because I knew what most of you would do if I opened my mouth. Oh, yes. You got that one for free. I was afraid of you all back then.

But the difference between then and now is that I’m not anymore. Now that I’m a grown woman, I’m not afraid of any of you.

I don’t have to see any of you. You can’t touch me now. So I can say pretty much anything I want. And I say it loud and proud. Even better, I make speaking out about people like you my livelihood, my bread and butter, and my niche!

Therefore, in bullying me, you were only paving my path for me. In trying to instill fear, you only encouraged me. In trying to keep me down, you only uplifted me! And in turning others against me back then, you ultimately made me truer friends now than I ever could have imagined back then.

Now, you must ask yourselves what good all that meanness did in the long run, and where did it get you? It certainly didn’t help you reach the top! It didn’t get you fame or fortune because none of you ever went anywhere.

Continued in Part 4…

Letter to My Bullies- You Only Made A Winner Out of Me

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Continued from Part 1…

I’ll give you this much. For a while, you had me down and even managed to keep me there during school. I forgot who I was. Or maybe without meaning to, I allowed you to take the knowledge of who I was from me. You even succeeded in making me out to be the troubled one.

And while you bullied, harassed, name-called, slut-shamed, shoved, tripped, jumped, beat, choked, and kicked me- even threatened my life with a blade on two different occasions; I was told to ignore it, to toughen up, and not to be a snitch or a crybaby.

Even worse, people also dared to tell me to be thankful that the abuse wasn’t worse or just to take it in silence.

But as you can see, it didn’t last. You couldn’t keep me in your little box and your vacuum. And once I got away from you, I began to flourish.

In the end, you only made a fighter out of me. What you did is make a winner out of me. You ended up making me more determined to love myself.  The girl who used to finish last now finishes first. Why? Because I put myself first.

When you all attacked me, others judged me unfairly and brutalized me- even those who were bystanders and those I thought were friends. And that was worse because the betrayal was more devastating than the bullying and mobbing itself.

motivational inspirational

Oh, yes. I’ll admit. People, even a few school staff, only scoffed when I went to them for help and tried to explain to them what I was going through. When I needed a listening ear and a shoulder to lean and cry on, they only ignored me. When I needed someone to care, understand, and make sense of what was happening, they abandoned me. Therefore, for a while, you won.

I even went against my better judgment and asked many of you why. Not even you could give me a straight answer, which should’ve been my first clue that none of you knew and, more than likely, still don’t know why you acted so ignorant and stupid.

Though I was only a kid and didn’t realize it back then, it’s only proof that you had no excuse nor justification for the simple way you behaved. And the most astonishing part was you didn’t need any evidence of any wrongdoing on my part to rally the school to your side.

Continued in Part 3…

Letter to My Bullies- You Were Lessons, Not Blessings.

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Much to your chagrin, I’m no longer the naive girl of yesterday, but the wise woman of today. And the beauty of getting older is the wisdom you store up and the realization that you’re perfect just the way you are and always have been. Also, you realize that you never needed certain people in the first place and that certain people don’t belong in your life. You, OHS class of 90, except for two- two people, are “certain people.”

Another great thing about getting older is that you become completely secure and comfortable in your own skin. You can speak your mind no matter who sees and hears it because you could give less than a damn what others think.

Who are you, anyway? Who are any of you? I’m the only one who can decide who I am. I’m the only one who has that kind of power.

So many people tell me things, and it is people you’d never expect. ‘You know? Those who tell you stories of people you could care less about and regardless of whether you want to hear them? Yeah, those types. Believe it or not, some of them are people you think are your friends.

Oh, yeah! They stop me in places like the supermarket and the gas station, or when I’m passing through. They tell me that many of you keep up with my social media posts and regularly read my blog. Yep. I know all about it.

So, I don’t doubt that you’ll read this blog post too, so I’m writing this to help you indulge yourselves. Because you only expose yourselves and your obsession.

To be real, I could care less about what or how any of you are doing. Because you were only people God was teaching me to look out for. You were lessons, not blessings. And the things I take away from having the displeasure of even knowing you are these:

1.That if I can survive your obsessive bullying and mobbing for six long years, then I can survive anything. Oh, yes! You most certainly showed me my own strength, resilience, and determination.

2. You showed me the type of people I don’t want in my life and who aren’t good enough to be in it. Moreover, you showed me the type of person I never wanted to become.

3. You gave me a much better appreciation for the real friends I have today.

4. You gave me a thick skin and a fighting spirit.

5. You gave me clarity- clarity of what I want and what I will and will not tolerate in my life.

6. You gave me the confidence to know that hard times are only temporary and they will eventually pass me by.

7. You gave me the drive and determination to have what I want out of life and the motivation to work hard and keep going after it until I get it- the commitment to reach success and live my dreams.

8. You gave me the desire not only to learn and improve my knowledge of bullying and the psychology of predatory behavior but also to use what you tried to do to protect other innocents from people like you.

9. You also gave me the ability to spot a liar and faker a mile away in the dark! It’s funny how dealing with the likes of you can give one the ability to point out other liars and fakes without ever meeting them.

I survived because my determination to remain standing superseded your desperation to tear me down. I survived because the fire inside me burned hotter and brighter than the fire you ignited around my feet.

My efforts to reach happiness and success outmatched your efforts to keep me miserable and in failure. And my strength to keep going was much bigger than the force you expended to stop me. I prevailed against odds that would’ve proved overwhelming for the likes of you.

I graduated because I kept pushing myself and went on living through enormous threats circumstances- pressures under which you wusses would’ve dropped out.  And the thing is, most people would’ve hated you. But I don’t. ‘You know why?

Because hate is a waste of energy, I’d rather spend my energy focusing on my goals. I’m too busy working on myself and pursuing my own agenda to hate on anyone. I make it about me. That’s right, all about me, my family, and my goals.

Continued in Part 2…

“The Odd Girl Out (Is The It-Girl Now)”

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(verse)

Remember when you used to laugh at her

Because she didn’t have any friends

Remember how everyone trashed her

Back in school, she wasn’t cool like the rest of them

‘Tried to break her down with glee in your eye

It used to be fun to make her cry

Now you’re chokin’ on the names you called

Because you know, now they don’t phase her at all

(Chorus)

Because the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She’s the movie star you watch on the silver screen

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

Don’t you feel so stupid for being so mean

(Verse 2)

She walked around with a target on her back

And eyes in the back of her head

A broken heart and shattered soul

Downtrodden, beatdown and left in the cold

It used to feel good to keep her down

She used to be everybody’s clown

Jealous Girls taking behind her back

You slandered her name all over town

‘Used to be nobody wanted her around

(Chorus 2)

But the odd girl out is the it-girl now

She left this pitiful town for big and better things

The odd girl out is the it-girl now

‘Feel your jealousy burn, yeah man it stings

(Bridge)

You never thought she’d ever get so far

Oh, but how could you have known

She’d show you up and reach her star

Who’s laughing now?

(Repeat Chorus 1 and 2)

dreamstime_xs_147635621

Yeah, yeah, watch her go she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, see her shine she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, it’s a poke in your eye she’s the it-girl now!

Yeah, yeah, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!

It’s a poke in your eye, and you don’t know why she’s the it-girl now!