Looking at The Bully’s Perspective

Bullies perceive their target as their enemy even when the target has done nothing to them and even as they’re ritually abusing and torturing the poor soul. And once the target speaks out about the abuse, that enmity only increases exponentially.

The bullies get a fix on the target and he/she is all they can focus on because they feel threatened.

Bullies and abusers only see from their own perspective and their perspective has the target as an opponent to be punished- a threat who must be contained and even eliminated. Bullies aren’t concerned with the fact that their anger and hatred are irrational. They don’t think that they’re destroying a fellow human being much like themselves- a human being with thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Bullies are oblivious to the fact that the impetus of their violence comes from the primal part of their brains.

Know Your Bully

Understand that if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies see you as the enemy, right or wrong. They view you as bad and evil and they want revenge. They have no inhibitions of destroying you because they think they’re the good guys and they’re doing the right thing by destroying you: evil enemies must be annihilated.

In the Mind of a Bully, The Target Owes Them Respect

And when the target doesn’t show the bullies the respect they feel they’re entitled to, or in the way the bullies think it should be shown, they become enraged and seek to destroy the person.

The power-dynamic between bully and target is always zero-sum. The bully feels the target deserves nothing but hostility and abuse from them but, in contrast, the target owes them respect…and he owes it to them as they’re abusing him.

From the bully’s perspective, the target must atone for their flaws, their shortcomings, and their evil by lying down and “letting” the bullies torment her.

But when and where does it stop?

It doesn’t. As we know, bullying only gets worse until somebody dies or leaves.

If you’re a target of a bully, understand this. It doesn’t matter what the bully’s perspective is. It doesn’t matter what the bully thinks. Neither the bully nor anyone else has a right to violate your boundaries, physical nor psychological.

I want you to know that you have a right to learn, work, or live in a safe environment. You have a right to be in a nourishing environment that allows you to flourish. And you owe respect to no one who hasn’t earned your respect. Bullies and abusers deserve no respect from you. Anyone who deliberately sets out to hurt you does not deserve anything from you. Understand that you must value yourself and put yourself first.

If someone is abusing you, you have every right to take care of yourself. You have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to either walk away from the person or, if you can’t walk away- if the bully won’t let you walk away, then you have a right to defend yourself. Realize that you are valuable, and you matter just as much as the next person.

And everyone has flaws, not only you. If anyone bullies you, then they have no business coming anywhere near you. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What School Bullies Really Want to Say to Targets Who Stand Up to Them (Part 2)

clique bullying

(Continued from Part 1…)

So, how do we make our target submit?

Here’s how:

We make the little rebel’s life a living hell and use him as an example to the rest of the student body. But we can’t make it too visible. We must be cunning and covert! Our attacks must be deniable.

We’ll do this to teach this punk a lesson show him who’s boss while letting the other schoolmates know that this will happen to them if they dare get out of their places. You call it tit-for-tat, we call it high school justice.

Maybe you think that we don’t know we’re bullies. Well…you poor, clueless thing, you! Newsflash! We know we’re bullies. We know we’re bitches and assholes. We know we’re hell on wheels. And ya know what else? We’re damn PROUD of it!

Why? Because it’s cool to be cruel! Sorry. That’s reality and you can either deal with it or continue to be a hero and get treated worse!

But the higher up on the social hierarchy we are, the more brutal we are, the more brazen we are, the more desperate we are, and the harder we’ll fight to keep the popularity, the attention, the favor, the having our butts kissed, and the social status we so enjoy.

You need to realize that the positions we hold and the friends and followers we have give us special treatment, rewards, and liberties that nobody else can get. And the power we have is too delicious to give up. Outside of our group, our high social status, and this school, we have nothing!

So, if this little geek thinks he’s going to man up and punk us out in front of the entire school, then we’re going to give him both barrels!

In this power struggle, we have an arsenal of power, reputation, connections, and favor. And we’ll use them all to bury this freak

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Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers

Here are some tricks we’ve mastered:

1. We hold the target down. It takes a long time to isolate a target. But we have the patience of Job. And we’ll get our kicks out of watching him suffer! He thinks he can win friends and respect? He thinks he’s cool? He thinks he’s better than us? Not in this lifetime! We decide who talks to who, who makes friends and when they do.

And we can kill any opportunity to make friends, get a date and even turn the teachers, coaches, and other staff against him if we so desire.

We can shut him up by ridiculing him every time he speaks or answers questions in class- even if he gets the answers correct. And if he gets the right answers and the teacher praises him for it, it’ll only further piss us off, and we’ll turn up the heat on his butt!

We’ll shame him by calling him a nerd or a bookworm. We’ll accuse him of being an arrogant know-it-all and being full of himself! By the time we’re through with him, he’ll be too afraid to open his smart mouth!

We can exclude him from school clubs, from ballgames, school dances, proms, and other school functions.

We’ll control his emotions. He won’t get any enjoyment at school unless we say so. We can make sure he does nowhere but down, then leave him to rot in his own loneliness and misery. We’ll make sure he’s stuck on the bottom of the pecking order and never moves up.

We’ll dim his shine, strip him of any confidence, change his smug attitude, and make him loathe himself! We’ll make him trash!

bullied target isolated excluded

Why Bullies Love to Isolate Their Victims

2. We isolate the target. He crossed us- that makes him a leper as far as anyone else is concerned. Does he really think anyone will stand by him? Sure, other kids in the student body may hate us because they can’t be us, but they fear us! They may talk smack about how they’d stand up to us, but talk’s cheap.

Oh, yeah! The other folks talk the talk. But we know that when the time comes to walk the walk, they’ll only tuck their tails between their legs and run. They’ll leave the little wuss to fend for himself. They’ll know better than to piss us off because they know that we have the power to make their lives just as hard as we made his (the target’s).

Nobody wants to be next on our hit list, and we don’t blame them! It isn’t their problem, and they don’t want to end up down in the basement with him (the target).

So, what’s he going to do about it? If he does manage to scrounge up a few friends, they’ll be the few no-counts who are just as desperate as he is, and they’ll hang with him only because they have no other options themselves, which gives us another juicy idea – Hmmm! Perhaps if we pretend to like and accept those other losers, they’ll throw his sorry butt under the bus too! Then what friends will he have?

Just as there are people who fight to be on top, there are also those who struggle just as hard to stay off the bottom.

Oh, the other losers may feel sorry for the target, but they need us to leave them alone and not to make them bigger laughing stocks than they already are. What few friends he has? They aren’t stupid. Anyone would be a fool to have a dog in this fight!

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A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

At this school, we are royalty! We’re the top dogs. If anyone else wants to be safe, they need our permission. The target’s friends don’t want us to make things any harder than what we already do. And they know that if at any time some blockhead is dumb enough to piss us off, we take no prisoners!

So, even his friends will turn a blind eye. They won’t be so stupid as to have his back. And if he shoots his mouth off to them or anyone else about any of us, many of them will report back to us for these reasons:

a. To get on our good side
b. In hopes that we’ll accept them
c. To stay off our hate-radar

And if we grill the target’s friends with questions about him, they’ll tell us anything they think we want to hear and they more than likely know all his deepest, darkest secrets!

Maybe these friends will know we’re only using them to get the deets from them, and maybe they won’t, but either way, it won’t matter. The only thing that will matter to them is keeping us satisfied, and keeping their butts off our hit list.

Do you see where we’re going with this? The fix is in. If the target continues to grow a pair and push back against us, the other students will stay wayyyy away from him to keep from arousing our wrath. And no matter how strong he thinks he is, he won’t be able to handle that for very long.

(More in Part 3…)

What School Bullies Really Want to Say to Targets Who Stand Up to Them

Stop bullying

We warned you! We warned you not to rock the boat. We told you not to make waves. We made it clear that your place was beneath us and that you should take our abuse without question and without refusing.

But what did you do? You just had to push it! ‘Had to get uppity! ‘Had to be a hero and challenge our authority! ‘You want to make trouble? ‘You want to diss us? ‘Grow some spine and step up to us?

Now, because of you, there’s a risk that everyone in the student body will doubt and question our power!

What would you do if someone on a lower level than you just up and got some guts, and challenged you by fighting back? ‘Caused you embarrassment and made you look like a punk in front of everybody?

Yeah, yeah! Teachers may advise us to just “let it go” or “overlook it!” But this is personal, and there’s no coming back from it!

Do you really think you won any respect by clapping back at us? Uh-uh! Nope! What you did was start a war!

Don’t talk to us about right or wrong! Don’t speak to us about fairness! Because right and wrong, just don’t come into it! And fairness is a fairytale for babies!

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We’re going to teach you that there’s a social order in this place! And there’s a certain way things are done around here! You’ve forgotten who you are, and you need to be taught that some people matter, and some don’t! Some people can, and some can’t!

Don’t say a word because you’d feel the same way we do!

“This loser doesn’t know his place! He’s forgotten who he is! ‘Gotten too big for his britches and too smart for his own good! He don’t know when to leave well enough alone!”

“He’s gotten too cocky, too sure of himself, too bold and too arrogant! In short, he’s become a threat to our positions at the top of the social totem pole! And threats must be contained!”

bully narcissist narcissistic narcissism

During the Medieval period, anyone who disrespected any member of a royal family would be dragged off to the guillotine. And the remaining peasants would know that they would be next if they even mentioned the troublemaker’s name.

The “Divine Right of Kings” rule still stands today, in this school.

Kids in our positions are allowed to beat our chests and throw our weight around freely and with impunity. It’s okay for us to abuse anyone we deem unworthy of humane treatment. If you were any one of us, you’d think,

bullying

“But (target’s name)! Who the hell does that freak think he is! Because he opened his smart mouth and dissed us, now all the losers may rise up and demand their rights to equal treatment, as if allowing them to get through a single day without getting their brains beat in isn’t enough! Shoot! They should be down on their knees, thanking us for not making things worse for them!”

“Losers like him (the target) report you to the principal and get you in trouble, even with your parents! They join anti-bullying groups and get involved in anti-bullying programs at school! Shyeah! Like that’s gonna help them any! And don’t EVEN get me started on those groups! They’re always looking for publicity!”

“They even write journals, publish books, and post on their blogs, calling you and your friends out on things you’d rather people inside or outside the school not find out!”

So, with the bullying awareness movement (Ugh! What a joke!) that’s sweeping the globe, surveillance and since virtually everyone has a smartphone with a camera, how can bullies at the top, like us, punish our target without further exposure and the risk of getting kicked out of school and ruining our prospects for college? How can we reinforce our dominance over this creep, and make him cave in and bow down to us?

(I’ll tell you how bullies do it in Part 2)

Dirty Truths That Cliques Don’t Want You to Know

People will establish a clique for the sole purpose of excluding others– and for no apparent reason. Cliques have only one goal, to make their members feel superior to others. Their criteria for “good enough” changes like the weather, and they have no special interests, causes, or abilities.

A clique will exclude someone for reasons as trivial as not wearing name-brand shoes. Tomorrow, the same person may wear name-brand shoes, but the members may exclude them because their hair is too straight or too curly.

You get the point. Cliques exclude people for no logical reason, which only brings me to conclude that their members do it strictly to get psychological benefits- to be mean and to feel like they’re better than someone.

I’m not talking about clubs. Clubs are different in that they promote an interest in a specific hobby or subject- The Math Club, The Music Club, etc. So, naturally, if you didn’t have an interest in Music, you wouldn’t be allowed to join the Music Club, which makes perfect sense.

However, cliques have no real purpose other than to stoke the overstuffed (or bruised) egos of their members. Nothing more. Cliques have no substance behind them. They’re a farce, all about appearances- a mirage.

I want you to realize that anyone who has to establish or join a clique to feel good about themselves obviously doesn’t have much else going for them.

Bullies belong to cliques, always. And they will look for any excuse to attack those on the outside. They then use differences to justify themselves. They must make someone feel bad to make themselves feel good.

confident blonde teen standing in front of the clique

Sadly, they don’t realize that they only forfeit their chances of meeting people who could be interesting and be great additions to their existence.

If you’ve been rejected by a clique, don’t feel bad. Instead, ask yourself these questions.

Are those frauds even worth knowing?
Are they even on my level?
Would they benefit my life in any way?
Am I really missing anything?

Understand that, besides the ability to feel better than or superior to others, cliques have no real benefits. They are the same boring people, having the same boring conversations, and living the same lackluster lives.

And if being a part of the clique is the only way its members can have any excitement in their lives, then wow! They are some miserable souls, and you should have pity on them.

Cliques only restrict their members from talking to anyone on the outside and take away the possibility of meeting someone who would make a positive difference in their lives and could actually teach them something.

So, seriously! Who’s missing out here? You or them?

Bullying and Competition

Bullies hate competition, especially when it’s their target or any person they deem inferior who bring the competition. Oooo! Talk about a blow to the bully’s ego. Ouch!

Understand that any successes or accomplishment achieved by the target is seen by bullies as a threat to their superiority because the bullies’ sense of self-worth is drawn from a sense of winning over and one-upmanship.

Therefore, if the target makes a huge accomplishment or wins any kind of award or prize, bullies will see it as competition with them. As a result, the bullies will escalate the bullying to punish the target for the success.

Bullies will get angry and say things like:

“You think you’re (smarter, better) than us…”

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, badass, hot stuff, god’s gift to the world, etc.)”

I’ve come to realize that any time a bully makes any statement that begins with, “You think you’re…,” it means jealousy, anger, or resentment of the target for a success or desirable characteristic or quality the target has. No more, no less. Always!

Understand that those three little words can say so much.

When a Target Ditches a Bully

I can tell you what happened when I deleted one of my former classmates. Before I go any further with my story, I’ll tell you this.

Nobody likes being rejected and dismissed – especially by someone they think is inferior to them. That’s a blow to the ego like one other!

When a bully gets dismissed by the victim, he thought for so long was too weak to stand up to him, oh my God! He. LOSES it! Why? Because in an instant, the victim finally stood his ground, he snatched his power back and left the bully powerless over him for once! Now the bully must go through the headache of finding a new target! Gasp!

This is precisely what happened with my old bully classmate when I unfriended her for a few offhand and snide comments she made on a few of my posts. She became furious! She couldn’t stand it! And I’ve got to tell you. I’m laughing as I’m typing this and thinking back about two years ago.

This half-crazed woman blew up my inbox. And with such vitriolic rage!

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Oh, my goodness! How dare I! The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah of me! O-M-G! I’m such a fake! I’m such a pissy person who deleted her because I got called out! Oooooo! Poor baby! I’m such a weak little bitch who can’t take constructive criticism!

Those were her words before I laughed and pushed that little godsend of a block button. I would’ve pushed the button sooner, but to tell you the truth, I was getting a real kick out of her reaction, and I wanted to give her time to shoot herself in the foot. Sure enough, she did.

I took screenshots of her messages, one in which she repeatedly asked, “Why did you delete me?”, then plastered them all over the internet. The icing on the cake was that the other classmates saw the screenshots too and they were shocked.

Knowing she’d been punked before the eyes of some of her old high school buddies, this she-bully went even more berserk. And it was so fun to watch!

I kid you not. There wasn’t enough popcorn in the world!

You see, this woman thought that I was weak in high school and never bet on the possibility that I might have smartened up a little in the three decades since. So, I went ahead and let her assume what she wanted and trapped her with it.

I want you to know that standing up to and ditching a bully isn’t as hard as you think. It’s quite easy if you don’t let fear or any intense emotion get in your way. Remember that bullies get their power from getting you emotional. And when you finally come to a place where you’re no longer intimidated or angered by them, the better you’ll be able to use your head, find some leverage, and use it as a weapon.

You must understand that when bullies fly into a rage, they no longer have the ability to think clearly. You then have the opportunity to use it to your advantage and make them look like a complete doorknob.