6 Ways to Remain Standing in Your Truth When You’re a Target of Bullying

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to know that you do not have to accept the bullies’ lies as the truth because their truth (opinion) isn’t your truth. Understand that you are the only one in charge of your mind, body, and your life. You have the freedom to accept or reject the gawdawful messages your bullies may give you. You are the gatekeeper to your mind and spirit, and you can either take in or kick out the insults and attacks with which they bombard you.

So, how do you successfully kick out the junk bullies try to drum into your head?

1. By refusing to accept their garbage as truth. And you do this by seeing the attacks for what they are – lies. By judging you, bullies proverbially claim to have the ability to read your mind and to be privy to your inner world. In essence, they’re only playing God because they claim to know the unknowable.

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2. By knowing your worth. Always know that you’re much better than what your peers may say you are. Realize that their lies and opinions are worthless, so don’t add any value to them. Remember that they can only insult you if you don’t value their opinions.

3. By making positive affirmations with “I AM” statements every day. Sometimes you must look at your reflection in the mirror each morning and make affirmations to yourself. “I AM a good person,” “I AM smart,” “I AM worthy of love and friendship”… If you’re a target of severe bullying, doing this may feel strange at first but you’ll be surprised at how much better about yourself you’ll feel.

4. By countering the bullies’ attacks. It’s as simple as saying, “No I’m not,” when a bully tells you that you’re worthless, ugly, lazy, etc. Always counter any name-calling, insults, and negativity.

5. By saying “no” and asserting yourself. If any of your bullies make any demands of you. You have every right to say no and walk away. Even if they’re putting on the nice act and asking you to do something, you still have that right. Understand that when bullies suddenly turn nice and sweet, you can bet they’re only trying to manipulate you. Also, when they attack you, tell them in no uncertain terms that what they’re doing is unacceptable and that you won’t tolerate it. And there are many ways you can tell them. Anytime you’re assertive, you not only place value on yourself but give the message that there will be consequences if they violate your physical or psychological boundaries.

6. By re-enforcing your truth if bullies deny their abuse of you or try to blame you for it. It’s as simple as saying, “Yes you did.” If bullies deny they attacked you when you know darn well that he/she did, in fact, attack you. It’s also as simple as saying, “Don’t give me that crap,” if bullies try to blame you for their abuse, rationalize their behavior or justify themselves.

Remember! No one can tell you your truth but you. Bullies may take your good name, your opportunities, your physical health, and yes, even your life.

But they can never take your mind from you if you don’t let them. Bullies may try to tell you what to say and do, but they can never tell you what to think.

Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have! And they hold enormous power!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Other Bullied Classmates Are Still Afraid to Tell Their Stories Today

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Even today, thirty years later, there are other targets from way back who are afraid of telling their stories. Some are scared that it may somehow get back to the people who bullied them. And that the bullies from high school will hunt them down and harm them or their families if they speak out. Hey, Oakley’s a small southern town and they have to live there. Luckily for me, I got out of there.

Their worries aren’t exactly needless either. Many of them live in the same small town the bullies do, and the bullies have powerful connections. Many of the classmates who bullied me are either working in law enforcement (Isn’t it funny how most people who were bullies in school seek out careers that give them a little power and authority?), or ended up with spouses in law enforcement.

People in small towns never forget who they hated in high school and seem to carry grudges for a lifetime. Many of them would jump at the chance if they could bully the person again for old time’s sake. Trust me. I know these people, and they wouldn’t think twice about it!

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I’ve heard countless horror stories from others. They were stories about how these former bullies from high school would have certain people they didn’t like pulled over and plant drugs in their vehicle to press bogus charges of illegal possession and ruin their lives. It happens more than we realize. So far, when passing through, I’ve been very fortunate.

I’ve also heard another story from a very reliable source about how one of the women who bullied me in school, handled marital issues with her husband.

Because she was angry and wanted to get back at her spouse, she sent a picture of herself and another man in their home to her husband’s phone while he (the husband) was at work at the police department, all to prove a point to him that she could leave and have any other man she wanted.

In doing that, she baited her police officer husband into losing his temper, leaving his shift and coming home to fire several shots into the home they shared, placing both herself and their children in grave danger. Yep! Talk about stupid!

 

Luckily, neither she nor the kids were hurt. However, if she would do a damn fool thing like baiting her spouse to do something foolish and make herself out to be the innocent wife who’s so abused and mistreated, then she’d bait someone else with whom she wanted to get revenge on. And most of her friends, who were also bullies, are the same manipulative way, which is why I make it a point to keep them at a long distance from my loved ones and me.

I’ve committed a grave sin by writing and publishing a book about being bullied in high school, and yes, they know about it. Although I never used their real names in the book, I received quite a few nasty and threatening messages from them after the book became available, and a few other classmates bought it.

One woman even informed me that she had contacted several classmates, and they all wanted to meet me somewhere where we could “have a meeting” and “have a well-needed discussion” over what I’d written and published.

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That meeting didn’t happen. And it never will because I wouldn’t trust any of them as far as I could throw them. You never know what they may be plotting or what might happen. Had I stupidly agreed to meet with them, there’s no telling what I would’ve walked into. So, I bade them thanks, but no thanks.

No reunions for me. I hope my classmates have fun, but they’ll have to do it without me.

There are times I still get nasty messages from a classmate or two, not often, but it does happen. It doesn’t phase me any because number one; they don’t know where I live. Number two; I could care less.

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If I must do any business in the town, I do it without worrying about the possibility of being seen by the wrong people. I know that they would be a fool to approach me today.

The bullies know that if they try anything foolish, and if anything happens to me, anything at all, they will only prove every word I wrote in “From Victim to Victor.” Also, people from everywhere will come around asking questions and guess who they’ll go to for answers.

They will only make themselves suspects.

In essence, “From Victim to Victor” is my protection. The book can serve as a shield from any retribution my old bullies may want for my daring to speak out about the notoriously vile and ignorant way they acted years ago. These people know not to bust themselves.

My other classmates, who were also victims, do not have that protection going for them, and I can only hope and pray that they are left alone to live their lives with their families in peace.

Delving Deeper Into the Bully’s Psyche: The ‘I’ in Bullying

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Anytime you are the object of a bully’s hostility, it really isn’t about you. It’s about them. Here are things bullies tell their targets and the real meaning behind it.

“You’re fat! You’re ugly! You’re weird, stupid,” etc.

What is the meaning behind it? It depends on the circumstances. If the target is overweight, the bully is only pointing it out to make themselves feel better. What the bully is really saying is,

“I have flaws that I’m afraid are worse and more noticeable than yours. So, I’m going to point out your flaws to distract everyone’s attention from my own.”

“You Snitched on me! Now You’re Going to Pay!”

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Here’s what the bully is actually saying.

“You exposed me and got me into trouble! You made me look like the bully that I really am! You outted my true personality and humiliated me! So, I’m going to get back at you for it!”

“You think you’re so smart, cute, cool, pretty,” etc.

Here’s the meaning behind it.

“Your good qualities overshadow mine! I’m living in your shadow! Your talents and natural gifts are better than mine, and you’re getting more attention than I am! You make me feel inferior to you! So I’m going to put you in your place by crushing your self-worth! I’m going to convince you that you’re not that important and make you too afraid to show your good qualities! Then I can shine!”

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“You make me want to…”

Anytime a bully mistreats you and says that you make them do it, they’re only telling you,

“ I’m afraid of being unmasked and being held responsible for my horrid behavior, so I’ve got to blame you so I can be let off the hook and leave you holding the bag! If I can make you look like the bully, I can keep on screwing with you anytime I want in the future because no one will believe you if you snitch on me again!”

“Nobody Likes You!”

What the bully is really saying:

“Nobody likes me either. They only pretend to. So I’m going to make you think Nobody wants you to crush your confidence! Then hopefully, you’ll withdraw from people and self-sabotage your own relationships!”

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“I don’t like you!” or “I hate you!”

Here’s what the bully is really saying:

“You make me feel inferior! You intimidate me! You outshine me in some way! You have what I want and can never have! So, I’m going to hoodwink you into believing you did something to cause me to dislike or hate you and, hopefully, ruin your self-esteem!”

Bullies have big egos. It always goes back to them. Bullies are all about “Me,” “Myself,” and “I.”

Understand that anytime a bully says these things to you without being provoked? The most likely reason is jealousy, and that they see you as a threat to their popularity.

Always remember that if this happens and leaves you bewildered, wondering what you did to deserve it!

Bewilderment is always your first clue!