Cliques and Bullying: 3 Dirty Secrets Cliques Try to Hide

February 6, 2025February 6, 20256 Comments

‘Want to know all about cliques and bullying? Here are dirty secrets cliques don’t want you to know and why you’re better off not belonging to them.

People will establish a clique for the sole purpose of excluding others and for no apparent reason. Moreover, cliques have only one goal, to make their members feel superior to others.

Their criteria for “good enough” changes like the weather, and they have no special interests, causes, or abilities.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about cliques and bullying. Also, you will learn the secrets they don’t want you to know so that you can buffer your self-esteem from their attacks.

Once you learn all about these types of bullies, you will confidently look at them with hilarity instead of allowing them to make you feel like crap.

This post is all about cliques and bullying so that you can remain confident when they come for you.

Cliques and Bullying

A clique will exclude someone for reasons as trivial as not wearing name-brand shoes. Tomorrow, the same person may wear name-brand shoes. However, the members may exclude them because their hair is too straight or too curly.

You get the point. Cliques are just groups of bullies. Moreover, they exclude people for no logical reason. With that said, we can conclude that their members do it strictly to bolster their egos. Understand that these bullies achieve a psychological payoff. And that is to feel like they’re superior.

The Difference between cliques and clubs.

Now, when we talk about cliques, we don’t mean clubs. Clubs are different in that they promote an interest in a specific hobby or subject.

For example, a Math Club or a Music Club. Naturally, if you didn’t have an interest in Music, you wouldn’t be allowed to join the Music Club, which makes perfect sense. The same goes with Math clubs, motorcycle clubs, etc.

However, cliques have no real purpose other than to stoke the overstuffed (or bruised) egos of their members. Nothing more. Cliques have no substance behind them.

They’re a farce, all about appearances- a mirage.

Therefore, you must realize that anyone who has to establish or join a clique to feel good about themselves obviously doesn’t have much else going for them.

Only bullies belong to cliques, always. Moreover, they will look for any excuse to attack those on the outside. They then use differences to justify themselves.

People who join cliques must make someone feel bad to make themselves feel good.

Cliques and bullying:

Here’s how to look at it when a clique bullies you.

Sadly, cliques don’t realize that, by limiting their associations to only those in the group, they cheat themselves. In other words, they only forfeit their chances of meeting interesting people who would otherwise be great assets to their lives.

Therefore, if you’ve been rejected by a clique, don’t feel bad. Instead, ask yourself these questions.

Are those frauds even worth knowing?
Are they even up to my level?
Would they benefit my life in any way?
Am I really missing anything?

Understand that cliques have no real benefits. They are the same boring people, having the same boring conversations, and living the same lackluster lives.

And if being a part of the clique is the only way its members can have any excitement in their lives, then you should pity them.

Realize that cliques restrict their members from talking to anyone outside of the group. As a result, they miss out on possibility of meeting someone who would make a positive difference in their lives. Also, they forgo meeting anyone who could actually teach them something.

So, seriously! Who’s missing out here? You or them?

Cliques and Bullying:

1. High School Cliques and bullies

They May Have Their Little Kingdoms In High School. but What Becomes of Them Once They’re Out of School?

Most bullies may peak in high school. However, most only become irrelevant in the real world.

High school is child’s play. It’s the kiddie pool of life. Therefore, graduation means the end of the line for most “popular” bullies and cliques.

I say this because most of my former school bullies had their fame in school. However, they’ve have done very little with their lives since.

It’s the same for most bullies and cliquey people. Most achieve very little as adults, while many of those they have bullied evolve into remarkable and highly successful adults.

There are bullies who become successful in life also but it usually doesn’t last. They end up losing it all in the end.

I know this for a fact because one of my older school bullies got a Nursing degree. She then worked as the Director of Nursing in a nursing home.

She seemed to be moving up in the world and got handed the most favorable positions. This is only because she was well-known in the town. In fact, most of my bullies from school either became nurses, law enforcement, teachers, or went to work in corrections.

Sadly, while working her prestigious DON position, this old bully got hooked on prescription pills. Eventually someone caught her stealing out of the medicine cart. Therefore, the owners of the nursing facility fired her from her job. But that wasn’t all.

Next, the state of Tennessee revoked her nursing license. Then her husband divorced her. Finally, she ended up penniless and working in a local cafe for minimum wage.

I can only imagine how humbled and humiliated she felt.

Cliques and bullying:

Most bullies end up meeting their karma.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t secretly wish for anything bad to happen to anyone. Moreover, I don’t boast of the misfortunes of others- not even those who tormented me in school.

However, if you get your jollies out of making others feel lousy, Karma does repay eventually. Believe it or not, most of the coddled and babied daddy’s girls and puffed up mama’s boys get a colossal letdown once they’re out on their own.

I’ve come to find out that this has happened to many of my former bullies. They bully innocent others during school and, for a while, they get away with it.

However, years later, they get the comeuppance they never expected as adults.

Here are a few reasons why most of my ex-bullies aren’t very successful:

To be truly successful, a person must leave their comfort zones and face their worst fears. They must brave the possibility of failure. Sadly, most bullies will never leave what’s familiar to them.

They’d rather stay in the same old, one-horse town they grew up in. Why? Because, there, these bullies have favor. As a result, they continue to get opportunities, promotions, and rewards handed to them by their “town connections.”

These are only small, hallow victories. However, bullies would rather stay and hold on to those tiny victories rather than go where no one knows them. Why? Because when you go somewhere you aren’t already established, you automatically become an unknown.

You don’t get the favor you got back home. Therefore, you must start from square one. You must re-establish yourself, which takes a lot of time and hard work.

Bullies know this and it scares them to death. They’ll never go anywhere where they’ll have to start over. Remember that bullies think they’re entitled.

They’re so used to getting instant gratification that they’d rather stay home and continue piggy-backing on their town connections. Therefore, they’ll choose to keep winning those shallow victories rather then to go out in the world and chance failure.

Cliques and Bullying:

What becomes of those they bullied in school?

People who were bullied in school, on the other hand, often leave the town they were bullied in. In fact, most of these victims can’t wait to leave. Therefore, they do, once they’re out of school.

Victims of bullying often have an nagging desire to go where no one knows them. They’re itching to go somewhere they can start anew and begin carving their own path in life.

Therefore, they aren’t afraid to leave the unfamiliar because the familiar only brought them tons of abuse, heartache, and adversity. Therefore, they’ll risk failure just to get the hell away from the town they were bullied in.

These people are willing to work hard because they’re determined to make good lives for themselves. Moreover, people who survived bullying are willing to sacrifice the time to get to where they want to be.

Think about it. They never got any of the favors and special treatment their bullies received. They had to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and bust their asses if they wanted to achieve anything. So, the sacrifice isn’t so frightening to them.

In short, where the bullies see the dread of hard work and having to wait, the bullied see opportunity. Therefore, this is why many survivors of bullying end up wildly successful. More so than the creeps that bullied them.

2. Cliques and Bullying:

Another Downside

Again, most of my bullies never left. Why? Because they knew they wouldn’t get the special treatment and free passes in any other jurisdiction. Therefore, they stay where their friends were.

Then, they can continue to get by on nepotism and the “Good Ole Boy System.” Sadly, this occurs in most all towns.

However, here’s the thing about small towns and rural areas. It doesn’t take long, nor does it take much effort to maximize potential in these areas. And this goes for even for well-connected bullies and cliques.

A person can only go so far in a rural area. Therefore, let them have their small town safety net because they’re only playing in the kiddie pool! They would drown in the big pond.

High school is the highlight of most people’s lives, so bullies had better enjoy it while they can. Why? Because the real world doesn’t care who you were in high school.

Adult life has no concern with how popular you were. The real world could care less if you were Homecoming Queen, the varsity football star, or on the cheer leading squad. Moreover, the workplace doesn’t care if you were in a fraternity, sorority or if you were class president!

All the real world wants to know is whether or not you can contribute something to it. And most bullies are as incompetent as they come and add nothing but negativity to life.

Therefore, if nothing else, know this. The differences that your classmates ridicule are the same characteristics and skills others will value and admire later.

3. There Are Benefits to Not Belonging to a Clique

People put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure you that by you’re so much better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group. Why? Because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, restrictions come with it.

Moreover, one of those restrictions is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle. Moreover, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider,” that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members.

Therefore, it just isn’t worth it. Why would anyone want to have someone else prevent them from meeting new people?

Cliques and bullying:

By not belonging to a clique, you can think freely.

When you become a member of a clique, the other members will expect your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions to match theirs. If you don’t hold the same values, they’ll either kick you out or worse, bully you.

Any unwritten rule that forbids you to associate with anyone outside of a group is utter hogwash! There is no reason you should not be able to associate with people you choose.

No two people are the same, and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs, and attitudes. Therefore, do what makes YOU happy.

Stop trying to please or impress your “friends.” Because if you have to suppress yourself to keep these people, then they aren’t your friends.

Never allow a clique or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people. Why? Because these may be people who someday prove to be wonderful friends and associates!

Moreover, never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

Most Cliques are Fakers and Posers

During high school, I can’t count the classmates who were posers and fakers. My guess was that these posers accounted for at least half of the class.

It shouldn’t be surprising that in high school, everything is based on appearances. Therefore, those who fake it the best and most convincingly are the ones who are bullies and usually, most popular.

However, most high school kids don’t pay attention to detail. Thankfully, I was one of the few who did.

In the lunch line, I would notice that most of the guys in the clique would wear their flashy, designer clothes. Yet, most of them would pull out a cheap, fifteen-dollar wallet to pay for their lunches.

Cliques and bullying:

Cheap Wallets and Knock-off Handbags

Also, the girls in the clique would wear their high-fashion clothes. However, cheap, knock-off “Gucci” handbags would be hanging from their shoulders and arms. If you paid close attention and had an eye for detail, you could tell by the stitching patterns and thread counts that these purses were fake.

All through the school, you would see the fake gold, Rolex watches. They also wore faux fur and suede, cheap costume jewelry, and fake leather and snakeskin. It was laughable at best!

Just to be clear, I have no qualms with anyone who has these items. Heck, they may like them. However, when you’re a bully and you buy these knock-offs to look like you’re rolling in money, you only look ridiculous. And you get no respect. Sorry.

In contrast, most victims of bullying don’t feel like they need to have all that fake crap, yet they’re the ones bullies target.

Targets, You’re Better Than That, and They Know It

You may still be wondering what the point to this story is. The point is that, if you’re a target, your bullies will most likely bully you over your virtues, not your faults. Moreover, to keep everyone’s attention of their insecurities and fakery, they will project them onto you.

In short, people who are authentic and real are comfortable with being themselves. Therefore, they’re most likely to suffer bullying. It’s just the way of the messed-up world we live in.

So, I want you to know that when people bully you, it is not because you’re doing something wrong. It just may be because you’re doing something right.

In other words, it’s not that there’s something wrong with you, it’s because there’s something right with you.

Most posers bully others because they’re angry that they must work so hard at being fake. And they’re jealous of anyone who doesn’t. Therefore, your self-esteem should soar when you realize this fundamental truth.

Posers hate and bully authentic people because they are complete opposites of them. And bullying cliques are the biggest posers of all!

This post was all about cliques and bullying so that you can feel much better about not being a member of a clique.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

5. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

December 11, 2024December 11, 20241 Comment

‘Want to know how bullies gain power so that you can use it to your advantage and better protect yourself?

If you’ve ever been a victim of bullying, you’ve probably wondered how bullies magically do bad stuff, convince authority to side with them, and get away with it. Moreover, you’ve wondered how they seem to advance quickly and bypass any rules.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how bullies gain power so that you can call it out and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these details, you will be able to better understand this dynamic, prepare yourself, and use it to your advantage.

This post will give you the answers to how bullies gain power so that you can know what to expect with bullies and defend yourself against them.

How bullies gain power

First, lets talk about the reasons bullies crave power.

Why Bullies Crave Power

Simple. Because it feels good.

“Power is not what you have. It’s what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Bullies crave power like a kid craves candy, even if that power is only an illusion. And, let’s face it, power tastes delicious.

Power feels good because it gets people prestige, street cred, notoriety, and popularity. Moreover, power has a way of cushioning the ego. As we already know, most bullies lives are meaningless outside the bullying environment (school, work, community, etc.).

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions?

1. They’re notorious suck-ups.

Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side. Understand that bullies are very convincing liars and they use charm and allure to disarm authority.

Also, most people in authority love it when people suck up to them and bullies instinctively know this. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR are more likely to overlook it.

This makes it easier for them to thumb rides on others’ coattails.

Moreover, in school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. Moreover, many impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs.

Add that to their parents having connections with town and city big-shots, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

2. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Taking credit for other people’s work and ideas.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain.

However, they somehow convinced supervisors and managers that they were the brightest of the bunch. Also, the bullies were the ones who always seem to get all the promotions and bonuses.

It turned out that these creeps were taking credit for the works and ideas of others. And when I discovered this, it hit me. This is why incompetent bullies are so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Additionally, bullies undermine the accomplishments and successes of other employees. Moreover, they talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers they view as threats.

Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and worse, rewarded for it?
The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

3. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. Moreover, they’ve done it for long enough that they have learned what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they’re master manipulators who are skilled in the arts of deception.

Also, bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their atrocious behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who use charm to deceive those in authority. This brings us to number four.

4. How Bullies Gain Power:

Bullies are charming to the right people.

In other words, as mentioned in number 1, they kiss ass. But here’s another thing to consider. Bullies can weaponize this charm against their victims.

How?

Again, most bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they have ways of winning people over and making them their allies.

Therefore, with their good name, the bully has everyone (except the victim) fooled. For example, let’s look at the seemingly sweet, innocent girl who bullies another girl who threatens her position in a school.

Others want to be like her. She seems like a winner. Everyone loves her and envies her seemingly charmed life.

The bullied girl reports her. However, others just can’t believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm a fly.

Here’s another example:

Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

He seemingly comes from good family. He’s the star of the football team, has good college prospects, and his future looks bright. However, he bullies a smaller boy and beats him badly enough to send him to the hospital. All because the boy is smaller!

The bullied boys’ parents press charges. But sadly, no one believes that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

5. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Having many friends who cherish them.

Therefore, even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will act as if they didn’t see anything. In other words, they will cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

6. There is strength in numbers.

Understand that most bullies attack in groups, or more appropriately, mobs. Being in a mob gives people tremendous power and bullies know it. Therefore, people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that packs a mighty punch.

This can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless. And this stands, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

In other words, if enough people are against you, you don’t have a chance in hell.

However, know this. Individually, most bullies don’t have a life. In other words, they need the mob to prop them up. So, the power they get from being a part of a mob adds “meaning” to their lives that they could never get by any other means. Power is what gives bullies a cause and a purpose in life.

Moreover, in a group, they can bully a target, lose themselves in the bullying, and get a degree of anonymity.

Therefore, bullies are much safer in the group. The group shields each bully from taking any responsibility for their appalling behavior. Groups provide protection from exposure and personal consequences.

How Bullies Gain Power: Each Individual member does so from the group

So, how do you fight back against a mob?

One way is to call out one or two of their members by their names and tell them to “get a grip,” “knock it off,” or “calm down.”

It’s true. I recently read this in a book about survival and it makes perfect sense. Anytime you call out a few members of a mob by their names, it brings them back to themselves by personalizing them.

What you’re doing is basically, separating them from the mob when you loudly call out their name. How I wish I’d known this earlier in life.

7. How Bullies Gain Power:

They use projection.

Bullies project all their faults and shortcomings onto their victims. In other words, they switch the roles and paint the victim as the instigator and themselves the innocent victim who was only defending themselves.

However, when that doesn’t work and they do face accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victim-hood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies, who also use feminine charm to deceive.

8. They use gaslighting.

In other words, they add their own spin to make you feel like the villain. Your bullies may lay guilt trips on you trying to convince you that you had it coming.

Also, they may try to tell you that the abuse is just your imagination. They may even tell others who will listen that you’re mentally unhinged to discredit you.

However, you must realize that bullies are masters at this. Don’t allow them to gaslight you! Don’t fall for their BS!

9. They use intimidation and fear tactics.

Bullies may threaten you with social consequences to keep you quiet. Also, they may even threaten physical violence. Moreover, they may threaten your friends or family members if you don’t comply with their wishes.

Therefore, it’s wise to pick and choose your battles. In other words, if you know the bully to be a blowhard, then don’t fall for this. However, if the bully is known to harm others’ especially go after friends and family of their victims, defend yourself with caution.

The sooner you learn all about these human predators, the more you’ll know what to look for and how to protect yourself and other innocent victims. Then, you can find ways to use your bullies’ antics as your own power.

This post was about how bullies gain power and how to recognize each power play.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples