Tag: School Bullying

School Bullying

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Why Bullies are Such Good Liars: 9 Ways They Deceive

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‘Want to know why bullies are such good liars? Here are all the reasons they make their lies look like the truth and what you can do.

why bullies are such good liars

As any victim of bullying knows, bullies are expert liars. If you’re a target of bullying, have you ever wondered why? Moreover, have you ever wondered how they do it?

In this post, you will learn why bullies are such good liars. Also, you will learn exactly how they successfully deceive others so that you can call it out.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will know the exact ways bullies lie so successfully. Even better, you will be able to recognize it when they do it so that you can peg them on their BS and weaponize it to protect yourself.

This post is all about why bullies are such good liars so that you can have your bullies’ number and use it to bust them.

Why Bullies are Such Good Liars

The reason why bullies are pros at lying is because they rarely tell boldface lies. Instead, they embellish on the truth. They may also take away from the truth.

‘You see? Boldface lies are too easy to find out. Therefore, all bullies need is a tiny grain of truth. Then, they can make their lies more believable.

So, what do bullies do to make their lies so convincing?

1. They use Exaggerate the truth.

They’re the kinds of deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand, perhaps more than anyone else, that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed.  It would only discredit them.

However, if they tell a half-truth, which is a lie that contains even a tiny grain of truth, people will more than likely believe it.

When a bully exaggerates facts, they blow them up and make it bigger than what it is. For example, a bully will provoke you and keep provoking you until you get fed up.

In a low but angry growl, you tell the bully to buzz off. The bully will then tell everyone else about the altercation, making sure to stretch the truth.

The bully will then exaggerate what happened by telling others that you screamed and cursed them out. Also, they’ll make sure to leave out the part where they kept provoking you until you got tired of their crap and told them to buzz off.

2. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They Distort facts.

The bully may even distort the truth. They may do this by saying that you told them to f*** off when they know that you told them to buzz off.

Distortions are also perfect for bullies because, like exaggerations, there’s always a degree of truth to them.

Here’s another example. Your bully supervisor tells you to do a task. You haven’t yet completed the first task and you must finish it in the next thirty minutes to meet the deadline.

You tell the bully boss that you’ll get started on it as soon as you’re finished with the current task. The bully boss goes to management and distorts everything.

He exaggerates your response by telling management that you refused to do the task. Therefore, he tells them that you’re being insubordinate

Moreover, he conveniently leaves out that you told him that you would fulfill his request as soon as you got done with the task at hand. As a result, management reprimands you and gives you a write-up for insubordination, not knowing the whole story.

This is how exaggerations and distortions work.

Therefore, it’s important that you know how to name lies like this. Why? Because, when you can put a name on them, you sound so much better to your listener. You can better communicate what the bullies are doing without rambling.

3. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They take things out of context.

Bullies are experts at taking things out of context. They can twist it and spin it to fit their narrative.

For example, an author writes a tell-all book about the abuse she suffered. One of her former abusers buys it and reads it.

The abuser comes to the part where two more of the author’s abusers die in a tragic accident. The other two happen to be the reader’s friends.

In the book, the author also admits that, when the two abusers died, she didn’t give a damn. And the author sees the deaths as two less monsters she’d have to deal with.

However, she does mention that her feelings about the deaths have changed in the years since the accident.

The reader is outraged at what she reads. So, she takes it out of context. Therefore, she tells the rest of her friends about the book, leaving out the part in the book where the author wrote that she no longer felt glad the two abusers were dead.

Instead, she tells everyone that the author still feels happy the two people are dead. In fact, she makes it sound as if the author celebrates it now.

And she tells them not to read the book because it will only upset them.

However, here’s the real reason she tells others not to read it. It’s because she’s afraid that if they read the book, they’ll figure out her lie.

Therefore, bullies love taking things out of context because, nine times out of ten, it works like a charm!

4. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They Use Confabulations.

Many times, your bullies will blow up on you for absolutely no reason. Later, when others question them about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper.

So, your bullies conveniently drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks. But, know the reason behind this. They do it in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane. And the way they feel sane is to insert these made-up stories. I’ve seen this happen many times.

In fact, many of my bullies justified themselves to others by using the same method. Here’s another thing about confabulations.

People can mistake them for real memories. Therefore, when bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves.

So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions? When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

This is another reason bullies are talented liars.

5. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

Confirmation Bias.

People will believe what they want to believe. And no amount of solid evidence will convince them if they refuse to believe it.

Sadly, the only way confirmation bias has anything to do with truth is when it matches the belief. Therefore, if the truth doesn’t match the person’s beliefs, chances are they’ll only deny it.

Moreover, they’ll and elsewhere for evidence that contradicts it.

Your bullies will do the same when it comes to you. To justify and explain away their cruelty, they’ll find proof that supports their opinions of you.

For instance, bullies abuse you and they get caught. Later they have to stand tall before a member of authority to answer for their abuse.

Searching for information that fits

So, the bullies tell the person in authority that there’s a good reason why they beat you up. They make up some cockamamie excuse for their brutality.

In other words, they find ways to blame you. They may say that you instigated the fight by starting a rumor that could cost them their reputations. And they just had to teach you a lesson.

This is what confirmation bias is- it’s the tendency to recall, interpret, and favor information in a way that confirms a pre-existing belief.

Think about it. The media does this all the time. A witness may pull out their phone and film something terrible that is happening right before their eyes. They then send it to a news station to be broadcasted.

When the news media gets a hold of the film, they will edit out anything that doesn’t fit their beliefs. And they’ll only show the bits and pieces of the film that best fits the story they wish to put out.

If they get an audio recording, they will also edit it and create soundbites, only broadcasting fragments of the recording that best fits the story they want to tell the public.

It’s all the same.

6. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They use Charm

We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a facade of charm and charisma. But what makes that facade?

What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s fake charm?

Understand that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing you their prettiest colors.

They do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s fake charm means to do, draw others to them.

Also, this is how bullies dupe everyone into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched. Only you know what’s behind the facades. Victims are always aware of the real people behind the masks bullies don.

7. They build carefully crafted images.

Impeccable Attire.

Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes. Why? Because they understand that most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances.

So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the trendiest hairstyles, the best makeup, etc.

They show these things off to give the appearance that they’re rolling in money. Also, they want to give the impression that their life is perfect to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it to one-up others!

And here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

Many bullies go broke just to keep up appearances.

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in. And they’ll do it just to keep up a fake persona.

However, they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of them have a hard time paying their bills. They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts.

And it’s all because they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

As a result, many workplace bullies who commit crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery. Why? Because they live way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they can’t get out of.

And they eventually get caught!

8. They put on a good show.

Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures.

They’re good at reading everyone else and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves aware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of the rooms they’re in. Moreover, they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

9. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They’re master wordsmiths.

They use clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. Moreover, they use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come.

They also tell others what they want to hear. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making you look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know.

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

In Closing

Bullies are fake. Period. Full stop! And, they have been for so long that they’ve become experts at fooling people. In fact, it’s how they gain power.

And it’s how they’re able to pass themselves off as fake friends to unsuspecting victims.

It’s also why they get away with much of their bullying.

Therefore, learn all the tools they use and you’ll be onto them. I promise you!

This post is all about why bullies are such good liars so that you can know how they do it and see behind the fake masks they wear.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers 

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Male vs Female Bullying

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‘Want to know the differences in male vs female bullying? Here are all the contrasts you need to know about.

male vs female bullying

Males and females bully differently. Moreover, there are differences between bullied males and females.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the differences of male vs female bullying so that you’ll better understand ways that members of each sex bully. You will also learn the difference between male and female victims.

Once you learn all about these distinctions, you will know how to protect yourself from both male and female bullies.

This post is all about the distinctions of male vs female bullying so that you’ll recognize these differences and know how to defend yourself in every bullying situation.

Male vs Female Bullying

female bullies

Female bullies can be the most vicious. Why? Because they seem to be better at going undetected than male bullies.

Granted, there are always exceptions to this rule. However, for the most part, this is true. Male bullies lean more toward outward physical bullying. Females, on the other hand, lean more toward psychological and social or relational bullying.

In other words, females are mostly passive-aggressive with their bullying. However, there is a moral decline in today’s young girls and women. Therefore, physical assaults perpetrated by females are increasing at an alarming rate.

Females bully by Dividing and Conquering. They try to ruin their victims’ relationships.

Girls and women also use smear campaigns. They spread gossip and rumors. Moreover, they go on witch hunts.

But, make  no mistake! These tactics are all designed to turn everyone against their victims. Their goal is to isolate their victim.

Female bullies also use projection. Put another way, they project all their shortcomings onto the their victims.

Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. Therefore, projection is one of the best ways to keep their own imperfections hidden.

These bullies will also use distraction. How do they do this? By distracting others’ attention away from their own behavior and pointing out the negative qualities in their targets.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Psychological v/s Physical Bullying

Girls and some boys, use psychological warfare. Psychological bullying includes exclusion, dirty looks, taunts, insults, rumors and lies. Moreover, destroying friendships and relationships also counts as psychological bullying.

Also, it can include thievery, invasion of the victim’s privacy and destruction of their property.

If this does not work, females may resort to violence but not as often as male bullies. If girl bullies want to cause bodily harm to their target, they’ll send someone else to do their violence for them.

Female bullies may send a male friend to beat up their victim. Or, they may send a bigger and tougher female friend. The minions will then catch the target alone and physically assault them.

Now, you may wonder how they get these minions to comply. Here’s how.

Bullies get their flying monkey’s to comply by offering incentives. For instance, girls may offer illicit sex to a male friend to get them to do what they want.

On the other hand, they may offer a tougher female friend inclusion into their particular clique. With that, they give them the chance to climb up the social ladder.

They may also offer money.

By instinct, females are nurturers. Nature has hardwired girls and women toward maintaining relationships whether they be familial, friendships, or romantic.

Many young girls plan to eventually get married and have families of their own.

Therefore, female bullies will sabotage their victim’s relationships. Most girls and women, from the time they are small, dream of one day finding a mate and having children.

Why? Because they have an instinct to nurture. They are more likely to be the caretakers of the family and home.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Covert vs Overt Bullying

Therefore, female bullies are notorious for calling their targets names that attack the feminine virtues.  They call their female victims names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, ‘floosy’ and skank.

Moreover, anytime a young lady is called one of these names, there is an even deeper meaning behind it. Here’s the hidden meaning.

If you are a female victim of these vicious bitches, they call you these names to imply that you aren’t marriageable. In other words, you aren’t worthy of a mate or children. And you are not considered to be a woman.

A female bully wants to brainwash you. This is the reason her attacks are so vicious and repetitive. She wants to convince you that you are worthless.

And she will stop at nothing to make you believe it!

Additionally, she knows that if she can make you believe the lies, there is a strong chance that you will live up to them. We are what we believe.

Therefore, she will try to drum it into your head. And if she does, she will succeed in breaking your spirit. Then, you’ll likely prove her right.

Females aren’t always the weaker sex.

Again, get this straight. Female bullies want you to live up to the names they call you. In other words, if they call you a whore, they want you to be one.

So don’t live up to it! Show her up! However, she will not give up so easily.

Girls tend to hang on to their hatred to the point of obsession. The bullying becomes a ritual. And when you stand up to a bullying woman, don’t expect things to get better.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Male bullies

Nature has hardwired most males to be hunters and gatherers. Therefore, guys tend to be more physical. And why not?

During prehistoric times, males had to hunt and bring food home to feed their families. Often, they had to fight off wild animals and human males of other groups in order to survive.

Although there are exceptions, males are more likely to use physical aggression. Therefore, most young men are expected to be strong and tough – to display manhood.

If a victim of bullying is another male, the boy bully will likely use his fists. Moreover, he’ll try to feminize the other boy by repetitively emasculating him.

Emasculation of Male Targets

Male bullies often bully other males. They call their victims names like, “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch” and other names which attack the male pride. Their goal is to cause them to feel less like men. Therefore, they’ll try to strip the victim of his manhood.

And if the male target speaks out against the treatment, the male bully will trivialize it by referring to the target as a “whiner” and tell him to “man up.”

Other males may see the victim as going against “man-code” if he dares to report the bullying.

And male bullies who are physically violent usually beat up on males and females. However, there are a few cowards who’ll never stand up against another guy. They only beat up on girls.

I knew a few of those types of boys in school.

Male vs Female Bullying:

The Difference between Bullied Boys and Bullied Girls

I’m female and have discussed bullying mainly from a female perspective. However, I would like to help you distinguish between the plights of bullied girls and bullied boys.

What usually happens to female victims?

After her peers have bullied her for so long, she feels alone in the world. Also, when she reports the bullying, others usually rebuff her.

It’s bad enough when school staff ignore her pleas, but when members of her own family refuse to listen to her, it’s twice as painful. Once this happens, she begins to feel that no one cares about her.

What Bullied Girls Experience

Bullies shame female victims for their looks, femininity, and virtues. They call them names that attack them as women.

People will use their weight and their appearance as a weapon to cause harm. Even sadder is the reality that if their self-esteem is low enough, some live up to the names bullies call them.

Consequently, some bullied girls turn to sexual and dating partners to get the love and approval they’re missing out on. This usually doesn’t end well.

Male vs Female Bullying:

What Bullied Boys Experience

Bullied boys have it much worse. Many don’t have partners to fall back on because girls expect them to be tough. When a boy is bullied, he isn’t seen as macho. Instead, others see him as a wimp.

Also, people consider it “un-macho” for a boy to report being bullied. Others may tell him to “suck it up.” Why? Because it goes against the male code of conduct.

This can also erode male self-esteem.

Male Targets Have the Highest Rates of Suicide

Once bullies have stripped a young man of his manhood, it becomes next to impossible for him to get a date and find love. Although the suicide rate among females has skyrocketed, It remains to be much higher in males.

Therefore, no matter what, we must encourage bullied males to speak out and report bullying. We must also encourage them to seek therapy.

Males must also have older males in their lives to remind them of their worth as men. These older men must also re-enforce those positive messages.

We must also encourage females to speak out and get help, as well. Moreover, they must also have older female role models who lift them up.

These role models must instill in them that they are beautiful even if others try to bully them and tear them down. In short, they must teach them to know their worth!

And finally, they must see themselves as targets, not victims.

This post was all about male vs female bullying so that you know the differences in the ways they bully. 

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

2. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

3. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

bullying journal articles

Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

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‘Want to know the importance of a bullying journal and why you should keep one? Here are all the reasons you should keep a journal of the attacks if you suffer bullying.

bullying journal

If you’re a victim of bullying, it can have long-term, devastating effects on your life. Sadly, school officials, corporate managers, parents and even law enforcement still can’t fully comprehend the daily torment victims endure.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why it’s crucial that you keep a daily bullying journal and document everything.

Once you learn all about the reasons for keeping one, you will be more proactive in ensuring your safety.

This post is all about the importance of keeping a bullying journal so that you can do your own investigation and build your own case against your bullies.

Bullying Journal

Journals are one of the best ways for you to get evidence of bullying.

Moreover, you especially need one if the bullying becomes physical and you need medical attention. Therefore, here are all the reasons this documentation is important to have.

1. Bullying is Hard to Prove.

Bullies are experts at acting charming and polite in front of other people. However, they do this to hide their bad behavior. This is why people often don’t believe you when you report the bullying.

In fact, they may blame you. They may ask what you did to make the bully attack you.

Why? Because the bully will only rationalize and explain away their bad behavior. Moreover, they’ll make it sound like you asked for it.

‘You see? Bullies are very convincing liars. They’re experts at turning others against you. Thus, you should always keep written documentation of their abuse.

Here’s another reason bullying is so difficult to prove.

Bullies often disguise their behavior as harmless jokes and teasing. Therefore, people in authority probably won’t take it very seriously when you report it.

They’ll just think that you’re too sensitive and need to lighten up.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Bullies are experts at making you look like the bad guy.

This goes back to number one. However, it bears repeating. Bullies can charm the panties off a nun. Here are ways they charm people in authority and make their lies sound so believable.

Many bullies use good looks and impeccable dressing to impress others. In this, they use the halo effect, to their advantage. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

Also, bullies will use your emotions against you. Let’s face it, being bullied can turn you into an emotional mess. Therefore, if you react to bullying with intense anger or crying, bullies will put on a calm and collected demeanor.

As a result, you’ll come off looking unhinged. And people in authority will take the bullies’ word over yourself. Why? Because of the calm, cool front they put up.

Moreover, while looking calm, they’ll point out your emotional reaction and twist it to convince everyone that you’re unstable.

Bullies will also play the victim and burst into tears to gain sympathy from other people.

Seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Most Schools and Workplaces Protect Bullies.

If your bullies are high performers, they’re able to impress teachers, principals, and supervisors. Therefore, it’s likely that reporting them won’t help

In fact, it might make things worse.

Understand that schools and workplaces look out for their own interests. Therefore, if your bullies impress them or make them look good, you’re screwed.

It’s not uncommon for schools or workplaces to cover up incidences of bullying. The reasons they do this is to protect their precious reputations.

Moreover, they may like the bullies, a lot! So, they’ll hide bullying to protect them as well. There are countless stories of schools retaliating against bullied kids for opening their mouths.

For example, the school might contact Child Protective Services and send them to their homes to break up their families.

Remember that school officials, mainly school board members, are elected officials.

3. IT Gives You Evidence to present in court or tribunals.

The school or company may tell you that they’ll investigate the bullying. However, they either won’t do it at all or they’ll do a sloppy investigation.

Also, here’s another thing you need to think about. Any investigations they conduct will be geared toward keeping their own asses out of hot water, not to protect you.

Therefore, you must be your own detective and build your own case. Keeping a bullying journal is one of the ways you can do this.

In fact, journals are the best way you can gather evidence of bullying.

4. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It Establishes a pattern of the bullying events.

To establish a pattern, you must write in your journal every day. Even if you have days when the bullies leave you alone, which will probably be rare, write those days down too.

This will prove how often these people bully you and will provide prove of that if the bullying is severe and ritualistic.

5. Documenting the bulling gives you a voice.

In other words, it gives you equal say when no one else listens to you. By documenting the abuse, you can tell your side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.

Journals cannot trivialize your experiences. Moreover, they can’t invalidate your suffering in any way. Journals are also confidential. Therefore, they’re the safest.

If you’ve tried telling a staff member how people bully you, only for them to silence or blame you, you owe it to yourself to document the harassment in your daily journal.

In short, if you can’t talk about it, write about it! It will probably be the only outlet you have.

6. Your story will be more credible.

Writing your bullying journal is a clear, legible, and organized manner helps you to keep your story straight. Therefore, you’ll look more credible to anyone who’s in a position to help you.

When you’re emotional from all the bullying you suffer, you’re more likely to forget important parts of what happened.

Also, emotions may cause you to ramble when you explain what’s been happening. And, the last thing you want to do is start rambling when you’re trying to report bullying.

The reason for this is that high emotions block your ability to think straight. But if you have your journal, you’ll be more likely to stay calm and tell the entire story.

7. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It’s Admissible in Court.

Keeping a journal gives you a legal record of the bullying. Therefore, In case the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you’ll have your journal to present to law enforcement.

Moreover, if you have to go to court, you can use the journal as evidence of bullying.

8. It’s good therapy for you.

Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic. It allows you to express the emotions you can’t show any other way.

What to do and what NOT to Do When You Journal

 When you document bullying in your journal, you must think about the quality of the information. Here’s what not to do when documenting in your bullying journal.

1. Don’t be Vague.

Write down everything in detail. Record the what, who, when, where, why, and how. Also, avoid using subjective language. And never write down your conclusions of the bullying that’s been happening.

Examples of vague statements include,

  • She made me feel humiliated.
  • He embarrassed me in front of everyone.
  • He physically assaulted me.
  • They isolated me from everyone.

Focus on what happened and the bullying behaviors you encountered, not what you feel! For example, what do the bullies do? What did they say to you? Write down your bullies’ exact words, complete with quotation marks.

For instance, if a bully got in your face and slapped you, include that in your journal. Those are the bullying behaviors you need to describe. If they yelled at you, cursed you out, and threatened you, write that down too. Be sure to write down exactly what they said to you.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Do Stick to the facts.

In other words, avoid any primal responses. Keep the inflammatory language to a bare minimum. Now’s not the time for emotional writing. Just share what they did to you in the tiniest details possible.

3. Use the 5W Rule (what, who, when, where, why, and sometimes How). 

Again, write down what happened in full detail. Also, record the names of those present when the attack took place. Write down the names of bullies, bystanders, teachers, EVERYONE!

Record the time, date and place the altercation occurred. Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out!

Even if the attacks are minor, you must still record it in your journal. For example, if the confrontation is verbal, write it down.

Why? Because verbal aggression often precedes a physical one.

In Closing:

I can’t stress this enough! Keeping a journal can be the difference between people listening to you or blowing you off.

Therefore, keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Also, write everything down while it’s fresh in your mind. The last thing you want to do is procrastinate and end up forgetting a few important details.

Write your daily journal in secret. This should go without saying. You wouldn’t want anyone to see it.

Bullies are known to destroy property and rummage through your belongings. Therefore, keep your journal in a safe place. If you worry about the wrong people finding it and snooping through it, keep your journal at home.

But write in it as soon as you get home, while your memory of the days events are still fresh. The sooner you record, the better.

Keeping a bullying journal is crucial when people bully you. Don’t depend on anyone else to do an investigation for you. Do your own. Gather your own evidence.

Build your own case. It could save your life.

This post is all about why you should keep a daily bullying journal so that you can gather your own evidence and build a rock solid case against your bullies and the people in power who allow them to abuse you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal 

2. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying 

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

when bullying gets out of control at school

When Bullying Gets Out of Control: 5 Signs You’re in Danger

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‘What happens when bullying gets out of control? Here are all the signs that you’re in danger.

when bullying gets out of control

When bullying reaches new levels, it can feel as if the abuse has taken on a life of it’s own. This is when things become dangerous really fast.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what to look for when bullying gets out of control.

Once you learn all about these signs and symptoms, you will be compelled to make the appropriate decisions to get out of the situation.

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control so that you can take the necessary steps to ensure your safety.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control

When bullies select a victim to abuse, their bullying tends to escalate quickly. Moreover, it can last for years. In fact, others may join in. After so long, people grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, bullying becomes a natural occurrence.

When this happens, bullying can become unstoppable no matter what you do to defend yourself. Moreover, things can become dangerous, even life-threatening if you aren’t aware of the signs.

Here are all the signs that the bullying you suffer has reached dangerous levels.

1. Your Bullies Become Brazen

You’ll notice that your bullies getting cocky. They’ll do their bullying out in the open, for everyone to see.

In fact, they’ll no longer try to hide it. Why? Because they fear no consequences.

Those in positions of power won’t stop the bullying. They have no intentions of protecting you. Therefore, there’s little chance they’ll hold the bullies responsible for their behavior.

Make no mistake! When your bullies bully you in plain sight, in front of peers and authority, it’s a bad sign.

It means that you’re in grave danger. Why? Because, when the abuse reaches this level, there’s no limit to the brutality your bullies will inflict.

When bullying gets out of control, there’s no incentive to stop. Then Bullies quickly become full of themselves.

It’s the same with criminals. When there’s no accountability for wrongdoing, it only emboldens them to do more of it.

And their arrogance only sends these unspoken messages:

  • “We can do whatever we want and there’s nothing you can do.”
  • “Who’s going to stop us?”
  • “Who’s going to help you. You’re ours now.”

Most bullies would stop if they thought someone would hold them accountable. Or, they’d at least try to hide their behavior.

No one wants to have to answer for anything. Moreover, they don’t want the shame and humiliation that comes with it.

Therefore, they either wouldn’t do the bad deeds at all, or they would do their dirt behind closed doors.

Lack of accountability only emboldens bad people.

On the other hand, once a bully has gotten away with it a few times, they catch on that there are no consequences. They get the message that what they’re doing is okay.

Therefore, they have no shame in continuing the behavior.

And once there’s complete impunity, it’s no holds barred. In other words, your bullies are unrestrained in what they could do to you.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re shit out of luck.

it sets a precedent.

It sets a bad standard for people who wouldn’t normally mistreat another person. In that, it encourages them to jump on the bandwagon and bully you too.

Why? Because bystanders notice the bullies getting away with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll think it’s okay to bully you. In fact, they’ll think that it’s the in-thing to do. So, they’ll be more than happy to join in on the torment.

It’s the science of group behavior.

2. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

Others become Outraged when you stand up for yourself.

When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, bullies will often retaliate. Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Even bystanders will be pissed at you.

In fact, they either won’t help you or they join in.

Why do bullies become angry when you defend yourself? Because you put them in a weaker position and threaten their power.

Understand that bullies are entitled little twits. They need gratification and satisfaction, and when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.

Moreover, it will offend others as well.

Why? Because, once bullying you has become the norm, it’s gone on for a long time. People have grown comfortable with seeing bullies abuse you.

And once people get comfortable with something, they resist anyone that tries to change it.

3. People Believe anything bad about you, no matter how ridiculous the lie may sound.

If you suffer bullying, you’ve probably had bullies tell the most outrageous and ridiculous lies about you. Moreover, the lies may be laughable at best.

And shockingly, everyone in the place will probably believe it! It will seem as if everyone around you is smoking crack.

Why? Because you’ll wonder how they can believe such tripe!

People will believe the big, outlandish lies before they accept the little white lies. For example, others might hear something huge and horrible about a certain person from someone they trust.

Maybe it comes from someone who has a little bit of power. They may feel shock and disbelief at first. However, they’ll eventually believe it.

But, why do they believe it? It’s because the penalty for severe wrongdoing is so big that people don’t want to think that anyone would tell such a big fat lie about someone if there isn’t some truth to it.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

IF someone is audacious enough to tell such a bold lie, we’re more likely to believe it.

We cling to the belief that if a person is audacious enough to make such an accusation about another person, then somewhere, there must be evidence to back it up.

Otherwise, they wouldn’t dare make such bold accusations and risk someone proving them wrong!

So, we hold on to the idea that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Moreover, we allow caution and speculation to supersede any logic. And if we expect trouble to come from a specific place, that’s where we’re going to look.

And when we look for a specific thing, we usually find it.

Also, if a lie goes against the target’s character, we’re more likely to believe it. Why? Because any story of hypocrisy has a certain amount of shock value and entertainment to it. That is, as long as the story is about someone else and not us.

We’re more prone to believe a big fat lie because it frightens the crap out of us. Therefore, when people hear a lie so big and outrageous about you, it makes them wonder if they ever really knew you at all.

And the idea that someone they know could do such a horrible thing scares people to death.

4. You will be emotional and people will weaponize it.

Understand that anytime you suffer bullying, you’re at your absolute worst! Anyone would be a total emotional wreck under that kind of pressure.

Anytime a person is bullied by everyone, it doesn’t matter how strong they are. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how brave, how beautiful, nor how awesome their personalities are.

The bullying will eventually exhaust them and take them down.

In other words, if enough people bully you for long enough, you’ll only be able to withstand it for so long. Why? Because you’re only human. And no human being can hold up under that kind of stress for long.

Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, if they’re determined to break you, they’ll increase the abuse until they get the outcome they want.

You will be overwhelmed with so many emotions. In fact, you’ll have paranoia. And, with good reason!

Therefore, they’ll twist it and make you look unstable.

And, why not? They’ve seen you morph from a cheerful person to a stressed out, hot mess of a train wreck who’s barely able to function.

5. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

No One Will Help you.

If you’re a kid that other kids bully in school, you know that schools are supposed to protect children. Moreover, some schools do help targets of bullying.

I’ve read quite a few stories with this happy ending. And to those schools, I extend my love and respect.

However, I’ve also read and heard stories in which the school either failed or refused to help the victim. They only sided with the bullies.

I also found this out years ago from experience. Sadly, this ending is much more common than the first.

Therefore, if you are an object of bullying at your school, do take the proper channels to address the problem. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or district.

However, if the school does nothing about it, sweeps it under the rug, or worse, blames you, don’t let it surprise you. And don’t let it shock you if you face retaliation not only from the bullies but from school staff as well.

In most cases, schools side with bullies.

Understand that in these cases where the school doesn’t act on your behalf, it is because the school district has their own interests in mind.

Many schools only care about their sports programs. They care about how many points an athlete can score for their team and getting their teams into the playoffs.

Also, they care about how many kids they can send to colleges.

Another thing to consider is that school bullies likely have connections with several local politicians and other high-ranking officials. Also, many bullies excel academically.

Or, they may be are star athletes. Therefore, they make the school look good.

And if a student makes a school look good, why would they hold them accountable for bullying some throw-away kid?

Seasoned bullies also tend to be exceptionally socially intelligent. In other words, they know how to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of teachers and school staff.

Moreover, they’re also wordsmiths who talk a good game. They’re experts at feigning victimhood when you report them. They’re also good at explaining everything away, and rationalizing their bad behavior.

What they’re best at is making you look like the bully. Therefore, you must thing of these things when the school fails to respond to your pleas for help.

This is why you must do your own investigations and gather your own evidence. You must document each bullying incident to the letter and record it if the laws in your area allow.

But don’t give up. Remember. You are worth fighting for!

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control and how to recognize it so that you can can the appropriate steps needed to ensure your safety.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

4. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

the impacts of bullying at work

The Impacts of Bullying: 10 Negative Outcomes on Victims

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‘Want to know the impacts of bullying on your life? Here are all the negative outcomes you’ll face if you aren’t careful.

the impacts of bullying

It’s true that bullying undermines your confidence. However, the impacts go much deeper.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the impacts of bullying that you probably haven’t thought about and other reasons it’s important that you protect yourself against bullies.

Once you learn all the deeper issues it causes, you will be more compelled to guard your mental health against bullies.

This post is all about the impacts of bullying and all the deeper issues it causes so that you can beware and be aware.

The Impacts of Bullying

Although bullying can crush your self-esteem and instill fear into you. The consequence go much deeper. It can actually rewire your brain, therefore brainwashing you in nefarious ways.

Here are all the other negative things bullying does to your mental health.

1. Bullying Conditions You to accept Bigger and More Severe Abuses.

Bullies start with subtle attacks. In fact, the assaults are so subtle that if you don’t watch out, you won’t even notice it. This is called gradualism and incrementalism.

In other words, bullies begin by taking teeny-weeny bites out of your self-esteem. It happens drop by drop. They take it up ever so slowly, step by itsy-bitsy step.

Again, they escalate their bullying so slowly and so tiny that it isn’t noticeable. However, you may feel that something is off when you interact with these people.

You may notice that something doesn’t feel too good but you can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s that subtle!

But here’s your first clue.

The Impacts of Bullying:

Your body will know if you pay attention to it.

When you meet your bullies for the first time, you will pick up some pretty creepy vibes from them. Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach.

You’ll sense something about these creeps that feels “off.” And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

You’ll sense your bullies watching your every move. They’ll scope you out, studying you like a specimen.

You may look up from whatever you’re doing or turn around and happen to see them of the corner of your eye. These people will be eyeing you from a distance.

Then you,ll see them look at each other and smirk. And you’ll notice that eerie twinkle in their eyes. You might even see a micro-flash or two of contempt.

Don’t ignore this!

Understand that these bullies are sizing you up. In other words, they’re probing you to see how you respond.

If you respond the way they want you too, your bullies will start committing slightly bigger violations. Understand that bullies do this deliberately. They do it to soften you up by making the abuse virtually unrecognizable.

They will continue to take the abuse up little by little until it’s no longer unrecognizable.

By the time it’s recognizable, the abuse may be so severe that everyone around you sees it too. When you begin defending yourself, your bullies and everyone else will likely gaslight you.

Moreover, the bullying will be so out of control that the bullies can no longer help themselves. In fact, they won’t even try to hide it anymore.

At this point, why would they hide it?

Why put in the work to hide something you’ve gotten away with for so long? When there’s no incentive to stop, they can bully you out in the open. Right?

By the time the abuse becomes obvious, it’s usually too late. Why? Because everyone has grown accustomed to bullying you. In fact, they’ve gotten completely comfortable with it.

And once people have grown accustomed to harming you, it’s almost impossible to get them to leave you alone. And this goes no matter what you do to protect yourself.

Therefore, when you finally get fed up and begin asserting your boundaries, they’ll only ignore you and keep right on abusing you. Through their actions, they’ll implicitly communicate that they don’t give a damn about your feelings or your pain.

Your bullies and everyone else will only see you as their victim. And they’ll damn well make sure you to stay that way.

2. The Impacts of Bullying:

People grow comfortable bullying and abusing you.

 And why not? They’ve been getting a huge, psychological payoff from it. And hell will freeze over before they give up those benefits.

At this stage, your bullies will only respond with anger and resentment when you finally stand up to them. They will be like, “How DARE you! How dare you take away our fun!”

Therefore, bullies get offended when someone they deem inferior finally grows a spine. And they’ll do everything they can to break it! All to keep getting their sick, sadistic jollies!

Again, the conditioning starts small. You must know how to recognize bullying when it first begins. Why? Because, the longer it goes on, the bigger the abuses get.

Moreover, the harder it is for you to defend yourself and put a stop to it.

Again, to recognize bullying in the early stages, you must listen to your body. Why? Because your body will feel it. You’ll sense it in the vibes bullies put out. So, pay attention!

3. It Diminishes Your Ability to Trust Yourself.

Why? Because bullies constantly attack your judgement, decisions, and feelings. Moreover, bystanders may also negate and condemn them.

Therefore, when people bully you, they teach you that, you have no right to be angry or sad because you deserve the abuse. And bullies are experts at blaming you for the bullying you suffer.

The impacts of bullying run much deeper than you realize.

4. The Impacts of bullying:

It forces you to take blame for the abuse.

You may be conditioned by bullies and bystanders. Moreover, people in authority, friends, and family may also condition you.

They may demand that you suck it up and negate your own painful feelings. In that, they’ll train you to deny that they’re abusing you.

Your bullies and their minions will train you to believe that other people’s vile behavior is your fault. Also, they’ll try to make you believe that something is wrong with you.

They’ll make statements, such as, “If you weren’t such a troublemaker, people wouldn’t mess with you all the time!” Your bullies will also snooker you into thinking that everything that goes wrong is because of you.

In short, your bullies will claim that their abuse is somehow justified.

5. You withdraw from people.

As a result, you may withdraw. Why? Because you’ll fear attracting bullies and bullying behavior from the people around you.

Bullies will make you believe:

  • That you take things wrong.
  • You’re too sensitive.
  • That you had it coming.
  • That there’s something wrong with the way you are.
  • There’s something wrong with the way you express yourself.
  • There’s something wrong with the way you come across to people.

6. The Impacts of Bullying:

You stop believing in yourself.

In short, you stop believing in yourself. Even worse, you lose trust in yourself.  You begin doubting your abilities, and capabilities. And once this happens, you become a perfect victim for more bullies.

Bullying doesn’t only attack your physical body, but also your psyche and emotional well-being. It breaks your spirit and your very soul. Therefore, the impacts of it can be devastating!

Being a target of bullying is a hell that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly comprehend. When you’re bullied, you’re in the fight of your life.

Moreover, you fight for your life!

Fighting for your life can mean fighting for your personal power and dignity. It can mean fighting to keep your confidence and self-esteem. Also, it can mean making sure the abuse doesn’t affect your performance at school or work.

You’re fighting to make sure that it doesn’t negatively impact your ability to make smart decisions and life-choices. And you’re fighting to maintain your health and your sanity. Ultimately, you’re fighting to keep the abuse from effecting your entire future.

Why? Because you know that if you allow them to break you, you give them power over your life. You may not end up dead, but you won’t really live. You’ll only exist.

7. Bullying Negatively Affects Your School or Work Performance.

Bullying puts you in survival mode. This can have a devastating effect on grades and performance.

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, bullies forcibly put you on constant alert for an attack. It’s as if you have a target on your back and you must grow eyes in the back of your head.

You become hyper-vigilant. This only breeds anxiety and leads to exhaustion. Not only is your body tire,  but also your mind.

When you need to focus on survival, safety takes priority over school lessons and work performance. How can one concentrate when they’re constantly bombarded with threats, taunts, name-calling, and physical violence?

How can a person work or learn effectively when they’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode? It’s almost impossible!

When you’re in survival mode over a long period of time, the overabundance of cortisol will cause your memory to atrophy. Moreover, it will effect your emotional regulation and ability to maintain positive relationships.

Therefore, should it be any wonder that the majority of victims of bullying have such poor school grades and work performance?

8. The impacts of Bullying:

It causes learned helplessness.

After people have berated you for so long, you begin to believe it yourself. And because it shows up in your every day performance, you simply stop trying altogether.

In conclusion, bullying can impact ALL areas of your life.

9. It Stunts Your Social Development.

Although social intelligence won’t necessarily keep you from becoming a target of bullying, it will most certainly lessen your chances of it.

Social intelligence always has and always will supersede book-smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees, awards, and credentials alone.

It’s the reason high school dropouts have become millionaires. It is also why many college graduates have ended up flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Social intelligence is THE most important quality you can have. It’s the highest paid skill and most important asset in the entire universe.

Luckily, Social Intelligence can be taught!

In the past, people thought that social intelligence was the one skill that could never be taught. They believed that you were either born with it, or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, it was something that you had to accept.

Thankfully, we now know differently.

Sadly, if you’re a target of bullying, the abuse you suffer can batter your self-esteem into oblivion. As a result, you withdraw from the rest of the world.

When you’ve been bullied for so long, you come to believe that you’re inferior to everyone else. You’re afraid to talk, afraid to mix and mingle, afraid of any social situations.

10. The impacts of bullying:

You creative a fantasy world to live in.

In other words, you retreat into yourself and live inside your own head. You create a fantasy world, where you feel safe, wanted, and loved.

In other words, you create a world of imaginary people who accept you.

As a result, you shut out the “real world” and live in this fantasy world- this safe haven you’ve created. However, this is not good because, when this happens, you stop watching people and the world around you.

Also, you stop learning the social graces and nuances that you need to know in order to nurture relationships. And, before you know it, you become socially awkward.

You become too quiet, shy, and reserved. Moreover, you look through people instead of at them.

Instead of smiling and saying hello, you pass others by without saying a word to them.

Also, you become sullen and spaced out instead of upbeat and engaging. You feel numb instead of the emotions you should feel at different times.

In Closing:

This is why it’s important that you make a conscious effort to save your self-esteem. How you do it is to keep your heart open.

Therefore, meet new people and make friends outside the bullying environment. Create positive interactions and experiences away from your bullies or anyone else who knows you from the toxic place.

Do what you must do to keep your self-esteem intact and continue to grow your social intelligence.

No matter what happens, stay strong. Hold on as much of your confidence as possible. And most of all, know that none of the bullying you suffer has anything to do with you.

 Let me assure you. There are people out there who care. Keep the faith, keep believing in yourself, and stand strong!

This post is all about the impacts of bullying so that you know what to watch for and begin taking care of your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

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‘Want to know how to deal with bullies? There’s a right way and a wrong way to handle them. Here are the 7 do’s and don’ts you need to be aware of.

how to deal with bullies

Bullies have all kinds of tactics in their bag of tricks. They have tactics you probably haven’t thought about yet. Moreover, there’s a wrong and right way to deal with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with bullies. You will learn the wrong and right ways to handle them so that you know what measures to avoid and which to use.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to make yourself less a target and handle bullies wisely.

This post is all about how to deal with bullies so that you can take care of yourself in any bullying situation.

How to Deal with Bullies

In order to better know the right ways to handle bullying, you must first know what ways to avoid. Here are the wrong ways of dealing with bullying that you need to know.

The Don’ts:

1. Don’t Ask them, “Why”.

Why? Because they will never tell you why they treat you so inhumanely. Understand that keeping you guessing is half the power bullies have over you.

Bullies are notorious for withholding information. In fact, withholding information is a silent bullying tactic all it’s own. Therefore, they’ll never tell you why they bully you.

In some cases, the bullies, themselves, don’t really know why. However, if they did, they probably wouldn’t tell you the truth.

So, why won’t they tell you the reasons they mistreat you?

Simple. It’s to keep you confused and bewildered. Keeping you befuddled is a power all its own. Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly.

And if you can’t think clearly, the less likely you are to figure out what to do to escape the bullies and their abuse. Or worse- how to defend yourself, conquer your bullies, and win your power back.

Keeping you confused is a huge chunk of the power bullies have over you.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! And to be truthful as to why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy.

To be honest and tell you what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve the brutal treatment your bullies continuously dish out to you.

They are the messed up ones. They are the ones with the problem. Moreover, they are the ones who will have to answer for what they’re doing one day, either in this life or the next.

Therefore, instead of focusing your attention on trying to find out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” or “What can I do to remove myself from the situation?”

Think about what options you have and weigh each of them carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

2. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t give them any apology. Ever!

For anything!

Why? Because bullies will only see your apologies as weakness. And you can never appease a bully. Realize that when you apologize to a bully, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t explain anything to them.

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into explaining yourself to them. This is a trap because, no matter how you much explaining you do, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

It doesn’t matter how logical your explanation may be, bullies will only pretend that they don’t understand. They’ll only keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them.

Know that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to throw you off balance. Moreover, bullies want to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trick! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to bamboozle you and keep you interacting with them.

Why? Because the longer your bullies can keep you engaging with them, the more chances they have to twist the things you say. Then, they can use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you later.

Therefore, don’t explain a damn thing to them. You must realize that you don’t own them any explanations. You don’t owe them squat!

How to Deal with Bullies:

Do’s

1. Do stand up to them.

You must stand up to bullies. Never ignore them and never handle them with diplomacy or politeness.

Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness, diplomacy, or pleasantries. They only respond to strength and power. Therefore, you must communicate to them in the only language they understand.

In other words, you must respond with strength and power! And sometimes that means being brutal!

For instance, physical bullies only understand the language of fists. So, you must be prepared to put up your fists and fight if necessary!

2. Gather your own evidence of bullying.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it’s crucial that you get evidence of it. Keep a daily journal and document the bullying, using the 5W Method.

Also, save any electronic evidence of cyberbullying. Why? Because if they bully you at school or work, they’ll probably find you online and bully you there as well.

Therefore, save any mean and threatening texts, emails, social media posts, and private messages on three or more flash drives.

Furthermore, depending on the laws in your state, you may be able to wear a body cam or record the bullying on a digital audio recorder.

And save any medical records and doctor’s reports if you ever need medical attention because of a physical bully.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Report the bullying to authorities.

Report the bullying to the principal, human resources, or the police. If the bullying is happening at work, fill out a grievance form. They also have bullying forms at school that you can fill out.

If all else fails, report the bullying to the police and get a restraining order. They may not do anything. However, the idea is to establish a paper trail.

And be sure to get copies of the paperwork. If there are reports on file and copies of them in your possession, you will establish evidence of a pattern of bullying.

This is a must in case you have to take it to court later.

Here’s another thing I want to mention. When you report bullying, schools and workplaces may try to assure you that they’ll do an internal investigation.

However, most of them don’t. And if they do conduct an investigation, it’s usually a sloppy one. This is why you must quietly do your own investigation.

This may require a lot of work on your part. Moreover, you may have to go through many channels. You will need patience because it will take some time.

But when you’re being bullied, you can’t afford to be lazy. Be proactive. Gather your own evidence. Be your own detective. I guarantee you that it will be worth it in the long run!

In Closing:

There are right and wrong ways to handle bullies. However, if you do everything right, you can overcome bullying. And you can emerge a winner!

This post was all about how to deal with bullies so that you can know what to do and what not to do when you encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Saying Sorry Too Much: 4 Reasons You Do and How to Stop It

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

Bullies Eat Their Own: 3 Reasons Bullies Bully within Their Group

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Would you believe that bullies usually eat their own? ‘Want to know why? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bullies eat their own

This happens at school and in the workplace. When there’s are no targets available to degrade and dehumanize, bullies will begin turning on one of their own in the peer group.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies eat their own so that you can use it to your advantage.

Once you learn all about this strange phenomenon, you will be more knowledgeable about the mentality of bullies. Also, you will find a way to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about why bullies eat their own so that you can have more knowledge about the mindsets of bullies.

Bullies Eat Their Own

Understand that even the inner circle of the clique has a pecking order. Every clique has a leader, second in command, third and so forth (depending on how many members in the group), all the way down to the bottom rat.

Therefore, if you aren’t available, the members of the clique will turn on that bottom rat and they will be the target of the day.

And if it so happens that the bottom rat’s not available either, then the poor sucker on the second rung up is the one who will catch hell. And so on.

Crap always rolls downhill and lands on whoever is unfortunate enough to be in the basement. Moreover, what was really scandalous is that sometimes, the typical victim didn’t have to be unavailable.

If you pay attention, you can stand back and watched a lot of back-biting between the members of the bully cliques. You’ll notice that a few may go out with the other friends’ boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs.

You’ll then notice how they smile in their faces at school or work the following Monday. However, stay out of it. Let them backstab each other all they want.

It’s their business and you know that any sane person would no part of such strange, twisted, and dysfunctional friendships.

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Sometimes, not being a part of “the clique” is a blessing!

You should consider yourself damn lucky not to be in with the cool crowd!

Why? Because, with them it’s back to back ego trips. While most targets, followers, and wannabes consider it a curse, you should consider it a blessing.

You can deal with not being in the in-crowd, that’s fine and dandy. The only thing you should have an issue with is when none of those creeps will leave you alone.

When they won’t go on about their business, and get a life, you should realize that it’s because of their own issues.

Bullying is all about power!

Remember that bullies must always have a victim. In other words, they must have someone to abuse.

Bullies need a person to look down on, to dump on, and to tell what to do and ride roughshod over. Therefore, if their usual targets aren’t available on any given day, the bullies at the top will turn on the lowest members of their own group and continue demeaning them until their regular targets return.

This is yet another reason why you should never accept being in one of the in-cliques. Must you be in one to feel validated? No.

You’re just as awesome without them. You’re also freer! Because if you’re not in a clique, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s unwritten rules or standards. Therefore, you’re free to be yourself and do your own thing. And there is nothing better!

Why Bullies Eat Their Own

Bullies can’t live without a power rush. Therefore, again, they want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate.

And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even.

Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light?

Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once you see the real people behind the masks, your confidence will get a big boost. You’ll realize that you aren’t and never were the one with the issues.

In this, you will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, you will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

The Sudden Power Shift

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in your favor. In other words, you will no longer be a victim. Remember that the best way to dis-empower bullies is to empower yourself.

Because, once you stop being a victim, bullies no longer have power over you. Therefore, they must go search for another victim.

When these bullies spot several potential victims, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react.

However, what will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when their potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way.

Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Here are 3 reasons bullies bully within their in-group.

1. Power Struggle.

Bullies will fight like hell to be on top. And if that means bullying members of their own group to do it, don’t think they won’t.

It’s human nature. Everybody wants to be on top. And if they can’t, they’ll do everything they can to stay off the bottom.

Therefore, the top two or three bullies may do things to each other to get on top. Or they may take turns bullying the bottom rats to compete with one another on who’s the toughest.

2. Their primary victim isn’t available.

When their usual victim is no longer available, bullies must search far and wide to find a replacement. In other words, when a victim finally leaves the toxic environment, it puts bullies right back to square one.

Therefore, again, they must find someone else to be their victim. And if they can’t find one, they’ll turn on one of the members of their in-group.

Understand that once a victim leaves, the bullies’ power goes with them. Without power, bullies don’t know what to do with themselves.

Here’s another thing to note. Bullies often become very angry when their target victim transfers or moves away. Why? You may wonder.

Again, it’s because they lose power over you. Understand that, bullies have a sick, twisted obsession with their victims. Therefore, if bullies have grown comfortable with jerking you around and you up and leave, the game is over. They lose power over you.

You’re out of their reach and they can’t handle it.

It’s why abusive partners won’t let their victims leave. Once the abused partner is gone, so is the power the abuser had over them. It’s the same with bullies.

And it’s the reason the thought of you leaving terrifies them.

3. Bullies Eat Their Own:

The victim pool is sparse or has shrunken.

I’ve said it many times before. Bullies don’t only want victims. They need them! Therefore, if the victim pool is non-existent, they will create victims for themselves. And this usually requires that they select someone in their friend group.

Once the selected victim leaves, it basically turns the entire environment on it’s ear. People will begin turning on each other and there will be a lot of in-fighting.

So, see this for what it is. Bullying is an obsession. It’s all about having power over someone else.

This post is all about the reasons bullies eat their own to give you another reason to feel good if you’re a victim of bullying and finally decide to get the hell out of dodge.

1. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. How to Deal with Physical Bullies

preserving your personhood when bullied at school

Preserving Your Personhood when Bullied

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‘Want to know all about preserving your personhood when bullied? Here are all the ways you can keep your humanity intact when people bully you.

preserving your personhood when bullied

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily cause a person to self-doubt. It causes one not to believe in themselves and in their own abilities.

Moreover, it can also enable that person to trust their own innate intuition if they let it. It blinds you to people who are true. And it completely zaps your sense of who’s for real and who’s fake. Therefore, it causes the loss of ability to avoid dangerous people.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the importance of preserving your personhood when being bullied.

Once you know all about this important information, you will be better able to guard your mental health against bullying so that you can come through it as strong as possible.

This post is all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can come through it with as little damage as possible.

Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied

Bullying is a form of brainwashing. It is repeated, repetitious, and occurs over a long period of time. Moreover, it reprograms your mind and convinces you that you’re nothing.

 It eventually blinds you to your own worth as a person and to your own beauty. Also, it blinds you to your own intelligence.

It zaps you of your trust in your own abilities and decisions. You fear that anything you say and do will be wrong. Therefore, you keep your talents and gifts hidden from the world because you fear ridicule.

Self-doubt keeps you paralyzed. You hide your true, awesome self. However, by trying to hide your authenticity from others, you unwittingly push yourself down and make foolish decisions.

Therefore, you must avoid this at all costs.

Here’s how you keep your personhood when people bullying you.

1. Stop Caring what people think of you.

Here are questions you need to ponder. Does it really matter what these creeps think of you? Have any of them reached your level? Do their opinions matter? Who are they that you should care what they think? Do their opinions have any bearing on your life?

They probably don’t. So, stop caring about their opinion of you. Opinions are a dime a dozen and they don’t matter. Moreover, your bullies don’t know you on a personal level.

The weight you give to anyone’s opinion should always depend on who holds it and and the relationship you have with them. In other words, the value you give their opinion depends on who they are and how close you are to them.

Therefore, realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. Anything they say to or about you means squat.

In order for someone to offend you must first value their opinions. And that means, you must first value them. Stop giving your bullies value they haven’t earned!

Realize that your bullies’ hatred only came from a place of ignorance and stupidity. Or, it could stem from bitterness, jealousy or insecurity.

Therefore, take it with a grain of salt. Only value the opinions of God and your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. And ultimately, you stop giving them power.

2. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Be Yourself.

Continue to be yourself. No matter how others may treat you, always take steps to keep your authenticity.

If you have any talents or gifts, display them with pride. Do things that you enjoy and spend extra time with those who love you and lift you up.

You will be surprised at how great you will feel about yourself. Therefore, bullying will have less of an impact on your self-esteem.

Never lose yourself because of a bully.

3. Have the courage to be disliked.

In other words, do your thing even when others don’t like it. Again, be yourself and stand up for your beliefs and convictions.

Have your own preferences and make your own choices. Do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

When people bully and ridicule you, this is the time to double down in being proud of who you are.

4. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Love yourself even when others hate you.

No matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love. Why? Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

You must command respect and love from others. Sometimes, this means having the courage to make difficult decisions. The decision to get rid of toxic people, even those you care about isn’t easy.

Still, you must love yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go and walk away. And when you do this, you must come to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

You must love yourself before anyone else can love you. Therefore, give yourself compassion and self-care when others mistreat you.

5. Re-Frame Every Insult Your Bullies Throw At You.

For instance, you’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk.

Therefore, see it for the gift that it is. It may gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to. Moreover, they’re sense that you care about them. And when you take an interest in someone and in how they feel, who doesn’t love that!

Here’s another example. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark. Therefore, it ended up being her trademark.

This is how you re-frame people’s insults. You turn them around and mold them into compliments.

6. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Stand up to Bullies.

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and that’s completely natural. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk.

However, it’s often worth the risk in the end. If your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard. Realize that no one has the right to abuse you.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. Therefore, don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

Continue to stand up for yourself, because you, as much as anyone else, deserve to live in peace.

7. Guard your self-esteem.

This means refusing to allow your bullies to turn you against yourself. No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are.

Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns to turn others against you. Why? Because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid.

However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be. No matter how many people believe the lies and rumors, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.

Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you.

Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized.

Therefore, it’s difficult not to blame yourself.

But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you.

 Hold on to your sense of self and guard your self-esteem with your life!

8. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Set Your Boundaries.

Setting boundaries is your responsibility. No one else will do it for you. Therefore, you must set boundaries any time someone steps over them.

I understand that it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things to do. Especially after people have bullied you for so long.

They may have brainwashed you into thinking that you’re to blame for their brutish behavior. Your bullies may have even conditioned you to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over you. Or, you may even fear for your physical safety.

However, at some point, you will have to make a choice. You either stand up and defend yourself or you keep taking it and spend your entire life with people jerking you around.

Setting boundaries means saying no when a bully demands that you do something you don’t want to do. It also means calling out someone who tries to abuse you.

Always set your boundaries. It may or may not change the person’ s behavior. But you’ll feel good just knowing that you didn’t just take it lying down.

9. Enforce Your Boundaries.

Boundaries mean nothing unless you enforce them.

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

Sometimes, you must fight back if people insist on harming you. Don’t be afraid to do so. Your self-esteem will thank you later.

Also, you’ll preserve your personhood and your individuality, in the process.

THis post was all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can not only survive bullying but overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Be Happy, Be Yourself

psychological abuse tactics examples

Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

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‘Want to know the psychological abuse tactics most preferred by seasoned bullies. Here are all the psychological methods of expert bullying you need to know about.

psychological abuse tactics

Psychological abuse isn’t visible to the eyes. Therefore, it’s more difficult to provide evidence of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the most common psychological abuse tactics bullies use so that you can easily spot it, call it by name and describe it to protect yourself from further bullying.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be better to see it as it happens and defend yourself against it.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can avoid it and keep yourself safe from it.

Psychological Abuse Tactics

Seasoned bullies prefer psychological bullying over physical bullying. Why? Because this type of bullying offers easy deniability.

Unlike the physical kind, psychological bullying is less evident to any bystanders and witnesses. It leaves no visible bruises, cuts, or wounds.

In fact, it can be so subtle that even you, the victim, may not realize it’s happening. Therefore, you’ll never be able to prove that anyone ever bullied you.

Moreover, when you finally get fed up with their crap and report them to the higher-ups, it will be easier for the bullies to deny it. Also, if you stand up to the bullies, they’ll be able to play victim and make you look like the bad guy.

What are the mind games these bullies use?

1. Playing the victim.

Bullies will deliberately instigate an altercation. If you defend yourself, they’ll take your defense and twist it to make you look like the bully.

If the bully is female, she may cry those fake tears to garner sympathy. Consequently, if others aren’t wise to her, they’ll fall for her lies and blame you.

2. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Weaponizing mental health.

Also, they can use your reaction to their abuse to brand you as mentally unstable. With this tactic, bullies can easily destroy your credibility and reputation.

As a result, your relationships will likely suffer. Even worse, your bullies may then retaliate against you by escalating the harassment later.

3. quiet bullying.

Quiet bullying is bullying by dirty looks and using the silent treatment. Moreover, a quiet bully will use exclusion to bully you.

In the workplace, quiet bullying can happen through micro-managing. Also, a quiet workplace bully can assign impossible workloads and deadlines to a targeted employee.

Remember that the most talented bullies are the biggest cowards. Also, they’re the most successful actors and actresses. They have methods of harassment which are well-planned in advance.

4. Subtle Bullying Disguised as concern.

Subtle bullying can also come in the form of glares and the silent treatment. They also use soft smear campaigns.

A soft smear campaign is disguised as concern for your well being. For example, the bully may say something like, “Bless her heart. I’m really concerned about Kathy. I hope she gets the profession help she needs before it’s too late.”

And when you defend yourself against it, the bully can use your reaction as proof that you’re unhinged.

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Subtle bullying disguised as jokes.

Also, subtle bullying can disguise itself as jokes and fun. When you respond to this type of bullying, your bullies will make it look as if you can’t take a joke.

Therefore, understand that these bullies go to great lengths to prevent themselves from being exposed. They’re incredibly crafty. And they commit their attacks ever so slowly and subtly.

Moreover, they will bully undercover and hide behind a veil of superficial charm, fake playfulness, and deceit.

6. Weaponizing their social status.

These type of bullies are often in the popular crowd at school. You’ll also find them in the Good Ole’ Boy clique at work.

These bullies are often able to climb up the social ladder because of their superior social skills.  Also, they have the ability to read people and predict others’ reactions.

To top it off, they have a talent for keeping up appearances.

Therefore, they’re usually well-liked by teachers, school staff, supervisors, managers and CEOs. Also, many of them excel in studies and join clubs or sororities/fraternities at school.

Workplace bullies often make themselves out to be high performers at work. How do they do this? They do it by stealing over people’s ideas and taking credit for their work.

These bullies use their popularity as a shield from accountability. Moreover, their extreme likability adds a lot of weight to their words. This is why they often get away with bullying others.

If you live in a small town, these bullies likely come from families who have powerful local connections. This is all the more reason these people keep up appearances.

Psychological abuse Tactics:

Bullies with social status may use minions to do their dirty work for them.

Understand that these bullies likely have followers. They’re too chicken to get their hands dirty. Therefore, if they want to cause you any physical harm, they will often send one of their sycophants to do it for them.

Moreover, they will often these minions incentives to get the job done. They may offer them money and social status. Or they may offer them special favors.

Afterward, the followers will have served their purpose. Therefore, the bullies will likely discard them like a used piece of toilet paper.

However understand that most of their followers don’t really like them. Most will only kiss and cover their butts to get something from them. They may hope to get a little bit of power and social status.

7. Using their talent with words.

Many of these kinds of harassers are highly skilled wordsmiths. Therefore, they’re convincing liars and have the right answer for everything.

They’re good at rationalizing their behavior and justifying their actions. Moreover, these bullies are good at conjuring up a good story. So, they’re great storytellers. You’d think some of them would’ve chosen a career in writing.

8. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Using their social skills to bully those who aren’t as fortunate.

Bullies on top of the pecking order will use their superb social skills to take advantage of the mentally disabled. For instance, they may taunt kids with Down’s Syndrome.

They may make fun of students with Cerebral Palsy or Traumatic Brain Injury.  And they’ll push around those with physical ailments, such as Diabetes, heart defects and food allergies.

Even sadder, they may quietly bully people who are paraplegic. However, they won’t be obvious when they bully these people. Why? Because others tend to look down on those who bully those in wheelchairs.

People with weight issues, those with low self-esteem, or those with smaller builds are also fair game to these types of bullies.

Again, psychological bullies are such sniveling cowards. Otherwise, they wouldn’t select such vulnerable people to push around in the first place.

9. Gaslighting

Bullies gaslight you to brainwash you into believing that you’re losing your mind. Gaslighting always starts out subtle. However, it gradually gets more obvious over time.

Understand that the reason bullies gaslight you is to maintain their power over you. They know that once you get beyond their control, you’re likely to talk about their abuse and expose them for the monsters they are. And they can’t have that!

The term, “gaslighting,” comes from the movie, “Gaslight.” The movie is about a married couple. The husband dims the gaslights, then denies it in a way to make his wife think she’s going cuckoo.

This is why gaslighting is one of the most evil types of abuse.

Psychological Abuse tactics:

Understand that these types of bullies are the most cowardly of all.

Why? Because most of the abuse they dish out is strictly psychological. Moreover, they use these kinds of tactics because they’re afraid that someone just might stand up to them.

These bullies just might run up on somebody who will put them in their place. Even worse, they might do it publicly! 

In conclusion:

Sadly, you may have to go to school or work with these types of people. Therefore, there is no way to avoid them or to go no-contact.

 The best you can do is to see through these self-entitled, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied wimps. Also, you must learn their weaknesses so that you can find a way to expose them for the creeps they are.

This requires getting into the minds of these bullies. To properly defend yourself, you must think as they do, even though it’s not a pleasant place to be. And I’ll tell you! The souls of such people can be downright ugly!

However, sometimes it takes getting just as low, just as sneaky and just as nasty as your attacker if you ever want to expose them for what they are. Then, they’re more likely to back the hell off.

The more you know, the more you’’ll prepare and the better you’ll protect yourself from such people.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can recognize them and protect yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

Bullying the Mentally Ill: 9 Reasons Why People Do It

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It’s a shame that no one wants to talk about bullies bullying the mentally ill.  It’s not even something the media talks about. ‘Want to know about the bullying the mentally ill face? Here are the details and how we can stand up for them.

Also, if you have a mental illness and people are bullying you because of it, you can use this information to stand up for yourself.

bullying the mentally ill

Whether you have a mental illness or not, bullies and human predators can weaponize it. In other words, they can use it to label you.

Remember that bullies search for any defect to use against you. Therefore, if you have a mental illness, you’re especially vulnerable.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies love bullying the mentally ill so that you can be a better advocate for yourself. Moreover, you can better protect someone else if you see them getting bullied.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to defend against bullying based on mental health.

This post is all about bullying the mentally ill so that you can stand against this insidious type of bullying.

Bullying the Mentally Ill

When bullies can con an entire community into deeming you unhinged, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that, even if the person isn’t mentally ill, it can eventually cause them to doubt their own sanity. But understand this right now!

It’s not so much that they think you’re nuts. It’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

The mental health label is the easiest for bullies to stick to you. Why? Because, although they can never prove you are, in fact, a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The mental health label is the easiest to use.

This is why this label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Mentally unstable” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove a mental imbalance. Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

Bullying the Mentally Ill:

7 Reasons Why bullies Use the Mental Health Label

Sadly, those with mental illness are the easiest to bully. Here’s why.

1. They have the least power.

 Because mental illness comes with a lot of stigma, people who have it are virtually powerless in the social arena. Bullies always target the powerless. Why? Because, without power, you’re at the mercy of everyone around you.

2. they’re least likely to be able to properly defend themselves.

When someone has a mental illness, chances are that they won’t be able to properly stand up to bullies. Put another way, they’ll likely become overly emotional when bullies attack them.

Therefore, other people won’t pay attention to the bullies’ attacks that cause the person to freak out. They’ll focus more on the victim’s emotional reaction.

Bullies instinctively know this. So, they take full advantage of it.

3. The mentally ill have the least representation.

The mentally ill are one of the largest minorities in this country. However, they get the least representation. And, without representation, you have no one to speak nor stand in your behalf.

Therefore, this leaves you much more vulnerable than other oppressed groups. Why? Because mental illness is the least visible.

You can see skin color right off. You can’t see mental illness as easily.

4. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Society gives the mentally ill the least credibility.

There’s a lot of stigma that surrounds mental illness and bullies know it. Therefore, they’re experts at using mental health stigma to their advantage.

In other words, if a person is known to have any kind of mental illness, then who’s going to believe them when they report that they’re being bullied?

5. People don’t take them seriously.

When people label you “mentally imbalanced,” chances are that no one will ever take you seriously again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad.

Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Why? Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously.

6. they’re the easiest targets in the world.

It’s no secret that the mentally ill are easy prey for bullies. In fact, you don’t have to have a mental illness. All it takes is for people to think you have one and they can target you for these kinds of bullying.

Therefore, the label of mental instability is the easiest and most effective label to stick to a person. Moreover, if you do have a mental illness, it just makes it easier for them to label you.

Sadly, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power. Again, it’s the hardest to disprove – especially when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Why? Because there’s a good chance that any target of bullying will be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer.

The bullies can use your perfectly normal reactions as confirmation of mental illness. And no one else will know the difference. It’s that easy!

7. Bullying the Mentally Ill: 

People can easily weaponize mental illness.

In other words, they can use the target’s mental illness against them. They can use it to discredit them. Also, bullies can use the person’s mental illness to distract others’ attention from their own bad behavior.

Why? Because, if someone is mentally ill, the mental illness will be all people can focus on.

“Oh, my God! She’s going bonkers again!”

Others focus on your reaction rather than what your bullies did to cause it.

8. Those with mental illness are easiest to silence.

Bullies can use mental illness to keep you quiet. If you know that people think you’re cray-cray, you’re going to be too afraid to open your mouth.

Why? Because you know that people probably won’t believe you. They will only say that, because of your “mental instability,” you’re probably just having paranoia.

Moreover, you’ll be too afraid to fight back because if you do, you know that the bullies will only convincingly reverse roles and play victim. Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor innocent people.

If you begin shouting and cursing people out because they pushed you too far, others will only take it as you having a meltdown. All because you’re just “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, the bullies use your reactions to protect themselves from accountability. They can also keep their own reputations spotless as they continue to bully you.

The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when attacked. And people can easily mistake this natural response for mental illness.

9. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Mental Illness is the easiest distraction.

Again, if the victim is known to have a mental illness, then who’s going to pay attention to the bullies when they bully this person. They’ll be too busy focusing on the victim’s reaction rather than the bullies’ behavior that caused it.

It’ll happen when people walk in on you as you’re telling your bullies where to stick it. Moreover, these people will only catch the tail end of the confrontation. Then they’ll draw the wrong conclusions.

Understand that this is what your bullies are counting on. They provoke you just to set you up to look like you’ve completely “lost it.” Therefore, any witnesses who happen to walk by will get that impression.

Bullies do this all the time to discredit you and cover their behinds. If the bully can make you look loony, they get to continue pushing your buttons freely and with impunity.

Moreover, when you defend yourself, passers-by will only sigh and think, “Uh-oh! There they go again! They’re having another mental episode!

So, What Should you do in this Situation?

The trick is to stay calm. Emotions are your enemy and bullies will only weaponize it.

Stand up to them but do it in a calm manner! Look them in the eye, and you tell them,
“You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong! I’m not going to debate this any further with you!”

Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there slack-jawed. If the bully follows you and asks, “What’s your problem?” don’t explain it to them. They’re not five years old.

Therefore, you don’t owe them any further explanation. Say as little as possible. Just tell them, “You know what my problem is!”

The bully may continue to follow you and ask, “What did I do to you?”
Then you say, “You know what you did! Now get lost!”

Be firm but don’t yell. Yelling makes you look like a basket case.

The bully may not change their ways or their attitude. However, you’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing that you put your foot down and looked less “unstable” to any bystanders!

Therefore, the best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while. But eventually, the label will get old and wear itself out.

Then, it will lose it’s effect.

This post was all about bullies who love bullying the mentally ill so that you know how to respond without looking unstable.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Bullying the Disabled: 5 Reasons Bullies Target the Disabled

3. Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

4. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

bullying evidence for court

Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying

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‘Want to know how to gather bullying evidence. Here are all the ways you can get evidence of bullying so that you can have proof in case you must take it to court, tribunal, or to the school board.

bullying evidence

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not help you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to gather your own bullying evidence and why it’s important that you do.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information. You will be your own detective and know how to prove bullying when it happens to you.

This post is all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can prove bullying beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Bullying Evidence

The Importance of Gathering Your Own Evidence

School and workplaces may tell you they’ll investigate incidences of bullying. However, they may not. If they do, you can bet that they’ll have their own interests in mind and not yours.

They might even find ways of planting evidence against you to protect the bullies and themselves.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you learn how to gather your own evidence of bullying. Remember, proving that you’re a victim of bullying is your responsibility.

1. Document the Bullying.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Document in the tiniest details possible. Why? Because not only does it help you to keep your story straight, but it’s also admissible in court and in tribunals.

The best way to document bullying is to use the 5W Method. What is the 5W method and how do you use it in your bullying journal?

the 5W Method

When you use the 5W method, you write down What happened, Where it happened, When it happened (the exact date and time of incident), Who was involved and the names of any bystanders, and, if possible, Why it happened.

1. Bullying Evidence:

What Happened?

Write down what happened. Moreover, when you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who was Involved? Who was around to see it?

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When did the Bullying Incident happen?

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where Did it happen?

 You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Bullying Evidence:

Why Did it happen?

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your Documentation.

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You want to make your writing as easy to read as possible. In fact, you might even want to create a typed version of your journal.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words hurt me.”
  • “He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

2. Bullying Evidence:

Save any mean or threatening Texts, Emails and Online posts, comments, and Messages.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

3. Record the bullying with a body camera or digital recorder.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

And, believe it! Bullies are just itching for a chance to use the legal system against you. Again, don’t do it! It isn’t worth the time, energy, and legal expenses!

4. Bullying Evidence:

If the Bullying is physical, take still photos of any physical marks your bullies may have left on your body.

Very important! You would be surprised at the number of people who don’t think to do this. If a bully physically attacks you,always take pictures of any scrapes, cuts, or bruises.

This goes a long way in proving your case.

5. If you need medical attention, get copies of any doctors’ and hospital records.

If your bullies hurt you badly enough that you need medical treatment, get proof of that. This means making copies of the emergency room visit. If you have to have x-rays, get copies of those x-rays.

If you’ve suffered psychological bullying and need psychiatric help, get copies of those records as well. This may be more difficult. Why? It’s because of the stigma around mental health. However, you’ll need this evidence to prove psychological injuries.

when you do your own investigation, be quiet about it.

Never brag about what you’re doing to people you think are your friends. Realize that when you’re a victim of bullying, you can’t trust anyone. Not even your friends.

Bullies have ways of turning even your closest friends against you. And when they do, these pals will talk! So, keep it to yourself until it comes out in court.

Don’t document while you’re at school or work. Keep your bullying journal safe at home!

Don’t journal while you’re at school or work. Moreover, never keep your documentation in your desk at work or your locker at school.

Why? Because bullies are notorious for snooping through your things.  Workplace bullies will look through your desk. School bullies will go through your locker or gym bag.

Moreover, female bullies might snoop in your purse. Therefore, they’re likely to find your bullying journal.

Again, keep it at home and away from prying eyes!

In Conclusion:

When people are bullying and abusing you, it’s not the time to be lazy. And you should never depend on anyone else to do your investigation for you.

Why? Because this is how many victims of bullying get screwed. Again, many schools and workplaces may tell you that they’ll do an investigation. However, they usually don’t.

If, by chance, they do, they’ll be sloppy at it. Remember that these people aren’t your friends. They’re not on your side. They’ll only try to cover their own butts.

Most bullies are covert with their abuse. When you report bullying to school staff or to HR, you become a liability. This is why it’s important that you quietly build your own case.

It will take time and patience. Moreover, it will take a lot of work. But it will be worth it in the end. I promise you!

This post was all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can be your own detective, take control, and provide proof of bullying just in case you need it later.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

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‘Want to know exactly how to document bullying? Here are all the things you need to record in your bullying journal if you even have trouble with bullies.

how to document bullying

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you at school or at work, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how to document bullying and all the things you need to write down so that you can have admissible evidence handy to present in court or at the company tribunal.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will better be able to prove bullying and cover yourself should you ever need to take legal action or appear before a tribunal at work. Moreover, documentation is also the best thing to present before the school board if you’re bullied in school.

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you know exactly what to include in your bullying journal and write about it in a neat and organized manner.

How to Document Bullying

It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your classmates or coworkers are bullying you. Why do I say this?

Because, chances are that no one is coming to rescue you. Even if you report bullying to school staff or HR, it’s likely they won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Because, although they may be in a position to help you, is doesn’t mean they will. If nothing else, remember this. Most people only have their own interests in mind. Therefore, you must be the one to gather your evidence.

Again, the responsibility is on you. No one else! Where targets and victims of bullying mess up is when they rely on others to investigate bullying. This is a grave mistake!

Why Document Bullying?

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not want to help you. There are several reasons why people who are in a position to help bullying victims often don’t.

Moreover, if you’re a teenager being bullied by a teacher at your high school, you especially need to document it! In other words, keep a log of the bullying.

There are six reasons why you should document bullying.

1. Bullies are master seducers.

In other words, they’re charming and alluring to others. Bullies are experts at sucking up to authority. Therefore, it’s likely that those in power will let the bullies off the hook.

Also, if your bullies are star performers and get high marks, they’ll use that as leverage. For instance, if school bullies excel academically, the school will likely protect them and blame you. Why? Because the bullies make the school look good.

Therefore, it takes more than simply reporting incidences of bullying to members of authority. Why? Because, in most cases, they will only rebuff and blame you.

These are only a few reasons why you must keep a journal if bullies begin targeting you.

Many bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. We call this the halo effect. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

A bullying journal helps you to keep a log of the abuse.

Bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making you look like the bad guy.

Therefore, journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves.  When you keep a bullying journal, you establish a pattern of bullying that is believable. Moreover, you also provide evidence to present in court if you decide to go the legal route.

Keeping a journal may be risky. However, I still urge you to keep one if you have bullies on your tail.

I’d also advise you to keep your journal safe at home. Never take it to work or school with you. Why? Because bullies are known for plundering through your belongings.

Therefore, you risk them finding it and snooping through it. So, keep it home and write about any of the day’s bullying events as soon as you get home, while your memory of it is still fresh. The sooner you write about it, the better.

2. How to Document Bullying:

Bullies are convincing liars and actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with you. Therefore, they strip you of support and isolate you until you have no one to turn to for help.

For instance, let’s say that your bully won’t leave you alone. They keep pushing your buttons until they finally get a highly emotional reaction from you. Your bully will then weaponize your reaction while putting on a calm and collected demeanor in front of authority members.

This is why people in authority almost always side with the bully. Because they see your emotional response while the bully displays false coolness.

How do bullies weaponize your reaction? Simple. They point out your perfectly normal emotional reaction and take it out of context. They then twist everything to suit their narrative.

As a result, they successfully convince everyone that you’re the instigator. Moreover, they make you look unstable, overly dramatic, or too sensitive.

3. They Play the Victim

Another thing bullies do is cry those crocodile tears and play like they’re the victim. Therefore, those in authority will likely shift the blame onto you and protect the bullies.

Understand that seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. In other words, they’re good at explaining and rationalizing any bad behavior.

They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, you get the blame, the bullies get off Scot free, and you get punished for their behavior.

4. How to Document Bullying:

Documenting gives you a voice.

In other words, it allows you to have your say when no one else is listening. By documenting the abuse, you can tell you side without others interrupting you or ignoring you.

Moreover, it makes it harder for your bullies or anyone else to trivialize your experiences.

5. It Gives you a legal record of the bullying

For instance, if the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you can use your documentation as proof in court. Why? Because it will show that there was a long pattern of bullying before you got hurt.

Moreover, if you sue for psychological damages, the journal will also prove the bullying that cause you the psychological injuries. Again, documentation is admissible in court.

6. Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic.

 It allows you to express the emotions you otherwise couldn’t. Journals cannot trivialize your experiences, nor can they invalidate you in any way.

Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what you tell them.

How do you Document Bullying?

Believe it or not, there is a right way and a wrong way to document bullying. Therefore, we’ll talk about the right way first. The best way to document is to use the 5W Method.

How to Document Bullying:

the 5W Method

1. What

Record in your journal what happened. When you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where

 You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Why

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your journal

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You don’t want writing that isn’t easy to read.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words made me feel hurt and embarrassed.”
  • “He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

Therefore, if you suffering bullying, keep a bullying journal. You’ll thank yourself later!

This post is all about how to document bullying so that you can have the best evidence if you ever need to prove a case of bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

2. Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

3. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

bystanders to bullying in school

Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

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‘Want to know what bystanders to bullying do when they see you getting bullied? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bystanders to bullying

Bystanders can be the difference of whether the bullying lessens or worsens. Sadly, most bystanders either refuse to help you if you suffer bullying, or they join in.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bystanders to bullying and why they side with bullies.

Once you learn all about this information, you will not only be able to call out bystanders who band with bullies, you will be better equipped with the knowledge to defend yourself.

This post is all about bystanders to bullying and why most choose to either watch from the sidelines or join in the torment.

Bystanders to bullying

There are many reasons witness to bullying may join the bullies in tormenting you. Here are the most common reasons they do this.

1. Group-think

Excessive group-think is the accepted norm nowadays. Moreover, it’s like that everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!

A moderate amount of it is only human nature. Why? Because it’s how we conform to rules and laws. Also, it provides stability for a community.

However, excessive group-think is unhealthy, even dangerous! It’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.

An example of group-think is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.

Therefore, when there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, people who would not typically bully, will.  And they’ll do it simply because everyone is doing it. So, they think they should get in on it too.

It’s definitely like that in schools and workplaces and has been for decades. Do you wonder why people you thought were friends suddenly and without warning turn on you?

It’s because they are followers. They want to follow the crowd. Therefore, they’ll join in on bullying you to jump on the bandwagon.

These bystanders use you to get in with the cool kids. They want to feel like one of the big guys.

I can remember in high school, most of the other kids and a few teachers shared this toxic group behavior. Again, this happens everywhere.

2. Bystanders to Bullying:

Social Contagion

Why Not? Everybody Else is Bullying Her!

Peer pressure is the best motivator. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only drones to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.

They were slaves to the prospect of getting in good with “one of the cool kids” or  “the ‘Good Ole Boy” network.

‘You see? Bullies are nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talk out both sides of their mouths, holding you to a double standard.

In other words, they pretend to be something they aren’t and never cab be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression are all punishable offenses to bullies. Why?

Because they make everything about appearances. Moreover, bystanders defend people based on whose butt they want to kiss. Remember that most bystanders want move up the social ladder.

Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies because, sadly, bullies have the power to give them higher social status. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.

Bullies, themselves, are also suck-ups. Many pathetically suck up to authority members they secretly can’t stand because they think it’ll score brownie points.  And often, it does.

Also, secondary bullies take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular. Again, secondary bullies are usually bystanders who watch your bullies bully you and join in.

And hose who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you.

3. To Get in with the Big Shots

For example, back when I was in school, I knew many bystanders who become secondary bullies, hoping it would win him higher status. He was the son of one of the teachers at school.

Very few of the top bullies liked this wuss. In fact, hardly anyone liked him, yet he would lick the right boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them.

It didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him. It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.

On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.

Whoever puts on the most convincing front is usually rewarded with high social status. Moreover, not only the other classmates but many teachers and school staff reward them.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Ways Bystanders suck up to Bullies

Many use fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing. And it’s not because they like and respect these higher-ups. No.

The reason bystanders kiss their asses is to get something from them.

They also use false flattery and toxic conformity. And most of the time, it works. It makes the bullies puffed up and overconfident. Also, it yields immense social benefits for all the wannabes.

Therefore, they maintain the status quo of ritualistic bullying of those they deem socially unfit.

Most bullies have narcissism. Also, they struggle with low self-esteem. Therefore, they’re like tires with slow leaks. Their followers must continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat.

4. To Boot-Lick for Approval

Thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top surround themselves with weak wannabes. They need boot-lickers and yes-people to feed their hungry egos and tell them what they want to hear.

Sadly, most bystanders are more than happy to do it if it has a chance of rewarding them with high popularity and favors.

The high-status bullies expect everyone to think like them, dress like them and be like them. Moreover, they expect all the underlings to agree with them.

And they follow obediently, in lock-step. On the other hand, they target those who do their own thing and like being themselves.

5. Bystanders to Bullying:

Because Everyone Else is Doing it.

We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves.

We put our best foot forward to impress others. Moreover, we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it.

Most people give the illusion that they’re a hot item. Why? Because they instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to. Moreover, they’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; people tend to do what they think everyone else is doing. In other words, they strive to follow the pack or join the bandwagon. They want to get in on the next big thing.

Whether it’s a new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others, most people want to be a part of it.

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena.

Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. This crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool.

In fact, it might be the opposite but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everyone else thinks they are. They want to be seen with them. Therefore, so do you.

Again, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

Consequently, if everyone else is bullying you, total strangers who have never met you will try it too. Even your so-called friends will also try to bully you.

Bystanders to Bullying:

Group Behavior

Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd! Therefore, if bullying you is the happening thing, other people will want to join in.

However, know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you. And it doesn’t mean that you somehow deserve the mistreatment.

What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.

In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual with them. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare. And the better you prepare, the better you can defend yourself.

Therefore, continue to stand strong even if you must stand alone. Defend yourself against these wackos, no matter what.

They may not change their behavior. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you saw these creeps for who they are and stood up to them.

This post is all about why bystanders to bullying join your bullies and how you should see them for the kind of people they are.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

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‘Want to know all about confident body language and all the ways you can look confident even if you don’t necessarily feel confident? Here are all the tips and tricks you need to know about.

confident body language

Confidence looks great on anybody! Even you! Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about confident body language and ways to look like you just won a million bucks!

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will not only look but feel better! Moreover, your magnetism will skyrocket!

This post is all about confident body language and ways to look confident so that you not only give your self-esteem a boost but your charisma too. And the best part is that you’ll less likely look like bully-bait!

Confident Body Language

The look of confidence can be the difference between being badass or being bullied. But before we talk about body language that make you look confident, let’s talk about the body language you should avoid.

5 Body Language Mistakes You Should Avoid

Bullies are always on the hunt for targets. Therefore, they look for signs in a potential target that screams “victim.” But, how do they do this?

Bullies will study your body language first and foremost. They also notice your emotional reactions to certain things.

In other words, they watch how you handle conflict and adversity. Here are all the negative body language moves and ways to correct them.

1. Lack of Eye-contact (Looking down or away)

Lack of eye-contact signals either dishonesty, or a lack of confidence. This is exactly what bullies look for.

Many victims of bullying get nervous in social situations. This is understandable.

When people have bullied you for long enough, you no longer feel safe in social interactions. Therefore, you’ll often avoid them altogether.

A little nervousness is normal. However, when you’re nervous to the point of avoiding eye-contact with others, bullies may notice.

As a result, they’ll peg you as a victim. Also, even people who aren’t necessarily bullies may mistake you for being deceptive.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to relax and look others in the eye when socializing. Realize that not everything is about you.

Make the interaction about the other person or people in the conversation. Smile. Act confident.

Yes, acting confident may seem fake. However, personal experience has taught me that if you act confident, you will soon feel confident.

And confidence is the best way to get through any social situation. Also, it lessens your chances of attracting bullies.

2. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

submissive body language

This includes poor posture, such as slouching and hunching down. Also, people-pleasing is another form of submission.

Behaviors such as shying away from saying what you want to say and not seeking to achieve your needs are forms of people-pleasing.

You must stop this behavior right now. Begin standing and sitting up straight. Stop trying to please other people. Instead, start achieving your own needs for a change.

Remember that you deserve, just as much as the next person, to have your needs and wants met. Therefore, start working toward your own goals. And to hell with the rest of them if they don’t like it.

3. self-protective behaviors (closed body-language)

Crossing of the arms in front of you and crossing your legs are both self-protective behaviors. So are hunkering down into the shoulders and hiding the neck.

Bullies will instantly notice this behavior from a mile away and think, “fresh meat!” when they see it.

Instead, open up and allow yourself to take up some space. Lengthen your neck and hold your head high. Relax. Always relax!

4. What isn’t Confident Body Language:

Having a Sheepish Look On Your Face

That includes downcast eyes, holding your head down, and looking bashful. Again, hold your head high.

Look people in the eye and smile. I guarantee you they will appreciate it when you do and think more highly of you.

5. trying to stay motionless to avoid drawing attention

This almost always gets you opposite results. Staying motionless won’t keep you from drawing attention. It just might get you the wrong attention- from bullies.

Therefore, you must move freely and I’m going to say it again… relax!

You must watch your body language if you don’t want bullies to spot you as a potential target. In fact, it’s the most important thing you can do.

If you catch yourself looking down, correct this by looking people in the eye or looking ahead. If it’s slouching you find yourself doing, sit up straight.

And keep doing this until it becomes second nature, no matter how long it takes. Why? Because body language speaks louder than words ever will.

Moreover, not only should you mind your own body language, you should also watch the bullies’ nonverbal cues as well.

11 Confident Body Language Cues

Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer.

Even worse, people will see it in your everyday body language. You won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying. Why? Because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse.

In other words, the victim’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason most victims have very few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, others can spot insecurity a mile away. And it makes it difficult to attract healthy people into your life.

You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, human nature dictates that healthy people stay away from those who have low self-esteem.

If you aren’t confident, you’ll attract predators. And these people will only pretend to be your friends to exert control over your life and get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles and closed body language make you appear unapproachable.

Confident Body Language:

It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not your fault. It is just something that happens after you’ve endured abuse for so long. However, here’s the good news!

Confident body language is something that you can learn. Moreover, it’s something you can teach yourself and practice.

And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life. Also, you’ll begin to repel bullies and other human predators.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to Look Confident and instantly win friends.

1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them. Also, it shows that you’re open to friendships.

Moreover, it conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! On the other hand, a fake smile is easy to spot and a major turn-off.

It only repels people and invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than they help.

2. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you are genuinely interested in them. It also shows respect.

People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye.

Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

3. Confident Body Language:

Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching, only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose.

Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand. Feet should be shoulder-width apart, with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist.

This also signals confidence. Again, confidence keeps bullies away. When a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power!

And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

4. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward the person you’re speaking to.

Also, look them in the eye when. When you do all this combined, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

5. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space.

Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

6. Confident Body Language:

Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement.

Therefore, it’s a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

7. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

8. Relax.

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense.

Not only does it weird people out, it sends the message that you might be trying to hide something!

Therefore, always relax around others. Having relaxed body language conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself.

Moreover, it shows that you’re confident about them too. It signals trust. Therefore, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

9. Confident Body Language:

Hold your head up.

Holding your head down or looking down conveys low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Therefore, always hold your head high. Doing this says confidence and others notice.

Look like you feel good about yourself and your attitude will soon align with it.

10. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you want to go elsewhere. In other words, it says that you don’t want to be with the person.

Now, some people don’t think about the feet. However, those who are the most aware of body language cues will.

Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them – that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

11. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as insincere.

As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cues are in line with your verbal ones.

Confident body language is a must if you want to excel socially. You will be more charismatic. Therefore, healthy people will gravitate toward you.

This post was all about confident body language so that you can not only keep bullies away but attract healthy people and friendships.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

outsmarting bullies at work

Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways that Expose Them

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‘Want to know all about outsmarting bullies so you can expose them in less obvious ways? Here are all the details you need to know about.

outsmarting bullies

You can outsmart a bully. However, sometimes, you must think outside the box and get creative to do it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways of outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them without looking like you’re exposing them.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to draw your bullies out in the open and protect yourself from them.

Outsmarting Bullies

Sometimes, you must outfox them by drawing them out in the open. For instance, many bullies will pretend to be your friend just so they can get close enough to subtly attack you.

Let’s explain further.

1. To Draw Fake People Out into the Open, Make yourself Appear Weak and Powerless.

You may think you know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to you. However, most people aren’t who they make you think they are.

Therefore, in life, there will be fakers and imposter. There will be people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends.

These people will latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they’ll get close enough to you to figure out everything about you.

They’ll find all your soft spots. In fact, they’ll ferret out your  intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams.

Once they have all these thing about you, they’ll will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Moreover, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Drawing  an enemy out requires unshakeable confidence.

What do I mean by this? Here it is.

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks.

This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person in your life.

‘You see? When people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. Therefore, to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all.

In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much safer to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated. Moreover, it feels bad when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. However, trust me on this.

Outsmarting Bullies:

You never find out who people really are until you’re at your lowest point.

Only when you’re at your lowest do you find out who’s really in your corner.

So, again, if you can make everyone think that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves. Moreover, some will be people you’d never expect.

And you don’t realize who your enemies are until the shit hits the fan.

Any time you appear at your weakest, not only will your enemies reveal themselves, they’ll be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly!

Why will these people will be so open with their dirt? It’s because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

However, realize that this is the only way you can get rid of all the dead weight. You do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully.

Therefore, if you do this right, you can ensure your peace of mind in the future. In that, you can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals.

More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

Therefore, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, make yourself appear weak and down and out. Then watch what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Moreover, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are.

You’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of history.

2. Fake a surrender to bullies to trick them into leaving you alone.

Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes! Or, at least, make it look like you’re surrendering to them!

In life, there are times when you should pick and choose our battles. In other words, you must decide when to fight back and when to leave well enough alone.

This is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful. Why? Because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll throw them off balance.

Moreover, you’ll enrage them because they were looking for a fight and they were so sure they’d get one. But they didn’t get it.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Don’t fight a battle you can’t win.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you make it look like you surrender, you give yourself time to recuperate and subtly torture and irritate your bullies.

You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. You can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies aren’t so strong.

Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

Therefore, you don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency. You do it to fool them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies continually try to show dominance and superiority. Therefore, if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them for the time being satisfies them. Moreover, it makes them feel powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction.

And they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

3. Bait and trigger your bullies.

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. In other words, play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited.

Get your bullies to react to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness allows you to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Lure your bullies to your territory or to neutral ground.

When you get your bullies to come for you, always get them on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get them on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive. Why? Because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary. Do this especially if they’re so pissed off at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.”

Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

Moreover, the angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you. Also, the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose. And you’ll lead them right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution.

If you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won. To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

Weaponize Your Bullies’ Triggers

The trick is to use your bullies’ tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

I know this isn’t a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Outsmarting Bullies:

So, how do you weaponize your bullies’ triggers?

1. Get them in public.

In other words, get them in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them.

Bait them into a reaction. Then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others they have bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bullies).

Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed has a way of getting under their skin.

Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when all their victims unite and form a group!

This really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch you when you’re alone.

However, when a group of target victims ban together, the bullies feel threatened. Why? Because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

This post is all about outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them for the creeps they are and, at the same time, protect yourself from them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders