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bullying and trauma symptoms

Bullying and Trauma

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Bullying and trauma go hand in hand. ‘Want to know how bullying causes trauma? Here is a list of trauma symptoms that bullying causes that you must know about.

bullying and trauma

You don’t have to be a combat soldier or veteran to have PTSD. Victims and survivors of rape and incest can develop it. Targets and survivors of severe bullying and abuse can also have it.

In this post, you will learn all about bullying and trauma. You will also learn about the symptoms of trauma that are caused by bullying.

Once you learn about these informative topics, you will be better equipped to recognize trauma and seek the help you need.

This post is all about bullying and trauma, so that you can recognize it in yourself and a bullied loved one and know when to get help.

Bullying and Trauma

Although many people survive and, better yet, overcome whatever or whoever tried to harm them, it still leaves scars on their psyches. Therefore, your ability to regulate emotions is deeply affected, as is your ability to find stability, happiness, joy, love, and intimacy.

I know this from firsthand experience.

If you’re anything like I was back in the 1990s, during my twenties, all it takes is for someone to stare or look at you the wrong way. Then, you’ll ask them very belligerently what their major malfunction is.

Moreover, if someone gets in your face, approaches you in a threatening manner, or does anything to provoke you, you’ll do one of two things:

You’ll get away from the person, or you’ll do what I did: put up your fists and dare them to try something.

So, what are the bullying and trauma symptoms?

1. Hyper-Vigilance

When you’re hyper-vigilant, you constantly stay on guard for whatever it is that threatened you in the past. Therefore, if you were a victim of bullying, you should consistently watch out for bullies. Also, you’re determined that no one will ever bully you again.

Constantly having to watch your back can get exhausting. Therefore, find a therapist. If you can’t find one, talk to a trusted friend or family member. If that isn’t possible, write it down in a journal or diary.

The point is to get it out and begin healing, because you can’t live this way for the rest of your life.

2. You’re constantly ready to fight.

This goes along with hyper-vigilance.

For example, you’re 23 years old and five years out of high school. You’re standing in the checkout line at the supermarket.

While having your groceries rung up by the clerk, the woman behind you is cursing and shouting at you to “hurry up.” Moreover, she’s a woman you’ve been at odds with for a while now.

When you hand the cashier your cash to pay for the groceries, the woman points her finger right in your face. Consequently, your automatic response is to grab her by the back of her head and slam her face against the checkout counter.

Understand that this is a knee-jerk reaction. However, knee-jerk responses get people into trouble.

Therefore, the best thing to do is to tell them off in as few words as possible. Then, walk away. In other words, never stay silent; instead, get your point across using concise language, then move on. There’s no need to get physical.

This is a better alternative when someone is running their mouth. However, if they put a finger in your face, no law says you can’t grab their finger and shove it away.

And if the person tries to hit you, then it’s time to throw up those dukes and defend yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with self-defense. It’s how we set boundaries. It’s how we teach people to respect our personal space and keep their hands to themselves.

3. Bullying and trauma:

you have Trust issues.

Targets want to trust, relax, and feel comfortable in social situations. Only they don’t know who to trust. Therefore, it’s much safer not to trust anyone- safer to put up walls and keep the rest of the world out.

Survivors have built invisible fortresses around themselves for protection. The problem with this is that these protective fortresses can become prisons and sometimes tombs!

This is what trauma does.

Here’s why this happens:

  • You’ve been an outcast for so long that you don’t trust invitations to events. Even worse, you don’t trust people enough to talk to them.
  • People have mistreated you for so long that you’ve lost faith in humanity.
  • Bullies and their followers have, in the past, baited you into trusting them somehow, only to pull some cruel joke on you. Therefore, you no longer risk being fooled again.

Understand that you need a human connection. And trust issues are a factor that reinforces isolation. It’s a terrible existence and can sometimes create a temptation for suicide.

Therefore, you must force yourself to get out of the house. Visit a family member or go to a museum if you must.

Moreover, if a loved one is struggling, speak to them lovingly. Do some investigating and find out why.

4. Bullying and Trauma:

You Fear Conflict.

Conflict is a part of life and something we all face at some point. However, many victims and survivors of bullying are afraid of conflict.

Why? Because bullies have forced so much of it on them in the past that they can no longer bear the thought of another confrontation.

Moreover, they haven’t dealt with the hurts. And they don’t know their worth. Many targets and survivors of bullying have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Therefore, they remain stuck in a state of survival mode.

As a result, they cave in and give others what they want to keep from pissing them off. The unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”

However, this can become a problem. If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak, and they’ll walk all over you. Therefore, you must set boundaries.

Realize that the time will come when you must say no. There are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across, that no means no, and enough is enough.

Understand that this requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks.

You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. You must risk being lashed out at and retaliated against. Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships, and none of it feels good.

Never run from conflict. Because if you do, you’ll end up running from it for the rest of your life!

5. Bullying and Trauma:

You have stunted social development.

Although social intelligence won’t necessarily keep you from becoming a target of bullying, it will most certainly lessen your chances of it.

Social intelligence has always and will always supersede book smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees, awards, and credentials alone. High school dropouts have become millionaires, while many college graduates have ended up working at McDonald’s.

This occurs primarily due to the level of social intelligence.

Social intelligence is THE most important quality you can have. It’s the highest-paid skill and most important asset in the entire universe.

For many years, people thought that it was a skill that no one could teach. The prevailing school of thought was that one was either born with it or not.

And if you weren’t, it was something that you had to accept and deal with. Thankfully, we now know differently.

This is why it’s so crucial that you make a conscious effort to save your self-esteem. You achieve this by keeping your heart open, meeting new people, and forming new friendships.

 In other words, create positive interactions and experiences that are separate from the bullying environment.  Social opportunities multiply exponentially once you’re away from your bullies or anyone else who knows you from the bullying environment.

This is how you maintain your self-esteem and continue to develop your social intelligence.

6. Bullying and Trauma:

You’re painfully shy.

Many targets of bullying, after people bully them so severely for so long, become painfully shy.

When others scrutinize everything you say down to the tiniest detail, it’s easy for you to withdraw. As a result, you shut out the rest of humanity and hide in plain sight.

Moreover, you do this because you think it’s the safest thing to do. However, it’s a terrible way to live. Shyness is like a prison without walls.

Why? Because it stops you from being your true, authentic self, and you end up missing out on so much. Shyness keeps you from having fun and enjoying life.

Therefore, be brave and continue to put yourself out there. Again, establish good connections outside the place where people bully you. I guarantee that this is a great start.

7. You have Social Anxiety.

After being bullied for so long, victims can develop social anxiety. In other words, they withdraw from people because they fear future attacks.

This happens when your spirit has been beaten down and broken. You’ve been abused to the point of losing faith in humanity. Also, nefarious people have programmed you to believe that you aren’t worthy of love and friendship.

Therefore, you’re under the presumption that it’s much safer not to engage in any social interaction.

Bullying and trauma:

Covert Signs of social anxiety

Social anxiety can also be more covert, showing itself in less obvious ways:

  • Excessive laughing and giggling
  • Over-apologizing
  • Appearing normal on the outside but nervous and shaky on the inside
  • Excessive humor and being overly funny or having no sense of humor at all
  • Excessive sarcasm/having a smart-alecky attitude
  • Being overly friendly/too nice
  • Shutting down/freezing up- unable to talk or move
  • Meanness/rudeness
  • Fidgeting/can’t sit still
  • Lack of or too much eye contact
  • Poor posture/looking down all the time
  • Having a hard time keeping up with a conversation
  • Talking too loudly, too fast, too soft, too slow, or not at all
  • Indifference
  • Excessive use of foul language
  • Promiscuity/raciness
  • Wearing attire that is provocative or super-revealing
  • A style that is “perceived” as separatist or out of the ordinary (goth, punk-rock, etc.)

Fortunately, survivors of bullying can overcome the trauma by learning to love themselves again and studying tips on how to raise their confidence levels. Although bullying can be traumatic, you can learn many life lessons from it that can help you grow.

This post was all about bullying and trauma so that you can take steps to lessen the aftereffects.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Adult Survivors of School Bullying: 19 Things They Do Differently 

2. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember 

Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

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Do you want the ability to distinguish like vs respect? Or the opposite, dislike vs disrespect? Here we will discuss the difference between the two.

like vs respect

Many people have the impression that like and respect are the same, when, in fact, they’re quite different.Here, I will differentiate like vs respect and give details as to how they differ.

You will learn to distinguish between the two by noticing the diverse characteristics of each.

After learning to separate both terms, you will be able to know the difference when you see it on the street. Also, your social life will benefit greatly.

This post is all about the details and characteristics of like vs respect that you must know to better work with people.

like vs respect

What’s the difference between them?

Before we go further, let’s put it this way:

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Difference 1.

Like:

Like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. Therefore, when you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life.

Whereas, to not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective and it’s just a normal part of human existence.

Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed.

Respect:

Respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality. When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

In contrast, to disrespect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality.

Hence, like vs disrespect.

like vs respect:

What are the Specific Signs of Dislike?

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

3. Dislike isn’t always personal. It only means that you just don’t mesh well.

Again, this is just a normal part of life. Everybody has people who don’t like them…everybody! Why? Because everyone is different and we all run in different circles.

It’s just a part of life.

Most get confused between like vs disrespect.

Too many people mistake dislike for disrespect, even hate. There are people even I dislike, but I don’t hate them. I just let them be and go on doing my thing.

it’s dislike. that’s all it is.

This is why you should never worry about who likes or doesn’t like you. It’s a waste of your time. Why? Because, when you do, you give away your power by allowing others’ opinions to control you.

So, do you want to be a slave to mere opinions?

The key to your happiness is not to concern yourself with what others think of you. This is not only happiness, it’s freedom, the best kind there is! Therefore, see your worth, and let those people go live their lives while you go live yours. As long as they aren’t bothering you, be okay with their dislike.

Do not go out of your way to make people like you. Don’t put on any fronts, and don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

In short, DON’T CHANGE!

Instead, be yourself and do your thing. Do the things that make you happy. Keep this up and you will naturally attract the friends who were meant to be in your life.

like vs respect:

What are the Detailed Signs of Disrespect?

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

3. Disrespect is always personal.

Disrespect is a whole different animal from dislike. If you have disrespect for a specific individual. You don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

Therefore, you don’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.

Put simpler, you think the person somehow deserves to be violated. Therefore, you deem it okay to abuse them as much as you want and with impunity.

Disrespect almost always boils over into verbal and emotional abuse, and even physical violence.

beware of disrespect.

If you are ever around anyone who disrespects you, it pays to watch them closely (without looking like you’re watching them, of course). Also, watch your back around them.

do one of two things. Either call them out or distance yourself. Understand that people who disrespect you are usually out to harm you in some way.

However, at the same time, you should never care about their opinions of you either. Never allow them to define you. It’s your place to define yourself, not theirs.

Instead, ask yourself these questions:

“Have any of these morons even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?”

“Who are these people that I should care?”

Understand that the weight you give to any opinion should depend on who they are and the relationship you have with them. Know that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant nor do their words mean anything.

like vs respect: Also, consider this:

In order to be offended by another person’s opinions, or words, you must first value them, which means, you must first value the owner of those opinions, and words.

In other words, the value you give their opinions depends on who they are and how close you are to them.

And hold that belief along with the understanding that their hatred only comes from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more.

Take it with a grain of salt and only value the opinions of those who know you- God and those of your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them your power.

like vs disrespect: how to respond to lack of the former

If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either stand up to them, walk away from them or send them packing. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!

Therefore, do what you need to do to protect yourself from being harmed by them. And if the person who disrespects you happens to be in your circle, be prepared to cut ties with them.

It takes courage to walk away from a toxic family member or friend but sometimes, self-care requires you to do so.

Besides, there’s a positive side to your bullies’ disrespect if you look for it.

You could see them as motivation to work on yourself. In other words, you can use it as fuel to pursue your goals and dreams. Your bullies’ disrespect can be a vehicle to success if you want it to.

Conclusion:

If you had to choose, wouldn’t you much rather be respected than to be liked? And, wouldn’t you prefer to be disliked rather than disrespected? With dislike, there’s still a degree of safety. With disrespect, there is no safety because to be disrespected means that people either presently or eventually will violate your boundaries.

Think of it this way. In the Marine Corps, privates may not like a certain drill sergeant because he’s a complete jerk. But they respect him and with respect comes protection and safety.

This post was all about the detailed differences of like vs respect to help you to recognize each when it happens and respond accordingly.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know