Many times, I would pit a few of my classmates against each other. If I knew of a few who disliked or hated each other, I’d very quietly and secretly pit them against each other. An offhand comment here, another there, and I’d have them fighting among themselves. Yeah, I know, it was a shady thing to do. However, if I could keep them fighting among themselves, then I could distract their attention and hostility away from me and, thus, keep the spotlight away!
And when people chronically bully you as they did me, you’ll do anything, and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, a reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, “ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.
If you can find a few bullies who hate each other as much as they hate you, then perfect! Or, you can find classmates or coworkers who are mad at each other, stoke the fires a little, and take advantage of it! Stir the pot between them because if you can keep them busy fighting each other, they’ll leave you alone. And let me tell you! It worked wonders!
Understand that your goal is not to cause trouble. Your goal is to take the “hadar” (hate radar) off you and to protect yourself.
The only thing I’d advise is that you should use this sparingly. Save this little technique until you’ve exhausted all other options.
So, if you must, keep them too busy to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone; your only goal is to keep yourself safe!
Bullies are known for being highly emotional when they don’t get their way. They scream, they curse, they act out and they don’t care who’s around to see it because they use fear and intimidation to keep people from speaking out against them. Or, if they’re sneaky, they may hold it in until they get to a place that’s private and with people they trust, then fly into a rage.
Yikes!
Just as hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, it can also be said that hell hath no fury like a bully disappointed.
Here are 3 safety measures you must carry out when your bully begins to rage at you. Things can get dangerous quickly when a bully becomes enraged.
1. Turn and walk away right then! You must get away from the raging bull(y) fast. Think, out of sight, out of mind.
2. Watch Your Back. The bully is postal. Even scarier, he’s outraged at you! So, you must cover your six until you’re either out of the environment or things have cooled off. Just don’t look like you’re watching your back.
3. Whatever you do, don’t mirror the bully. You’ll only look just as nuts as the bully. Also, the last thing you want to do is scream and curse back because things will likely become fisty, or worse, the bully might pull out a knife or gun.
4. No sarcasm or witticisms. This will prompt the bully to throw fists or pull a weapon faster than yelling and cursing back because, in your sarcasm and funny remarks, you’re making the bully look like a basket case and he knows it. Save the witticisms for when the bully is attacking in a calmer state.
Remember that bullies, especially narcissist bullies, have a sadistic nature and have absolutely no moral compass. Many bullies of the narcissistic variety become murderers. So, get away from the person, stay away, and make sure they aren’t stalking you.
There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.
Respect and like are different in that like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life. On the other hand, respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality.
When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.
A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.
To not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.
But to not respect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. In other words, if you have no respect for a specific individual, you don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else. And when you don’t respect someone, you will think it’s perfectly okay to violate that person because they somehow deserve to be violated.
Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed. When you disrespect someone, you won’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.
In your mind, the person either doesn’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as you and everyone else. You may wish the person harm or ill will. You may not want to breathe the same air as the person.
Signs of Dislike
1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.
2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.
Signs of Disrespect
1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.
2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.
If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.
The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.
On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.
If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.
However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either walk away from them or send them packing, one of the two. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!
Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.
Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.
There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.
When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.
You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.
Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.
For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.
Trust me, I don’t like politics. In fact, I hate it and I don’t know a single person who doesn’t get a bad taste in his mouth just by hearing the word itself. But unfortunately, we can’t deny that it’s everywhere.
Bullying and politics go hand in hand- it’s all about who’s in, who’s out, who gets the goldmine and who gets the shaft. Politics is also about who can lie the best- who can talk a good game and make others believe it. It’s about influence, persuasion, false charm, and charisma- and bullies who are good at what they do ooze all four!
As we know, most bullies, especially the narcissistic and psychopathic types, are notorious con artists, and they are experts at lying, smear campaigns, and spin. So, let’s not kid ourselves by saying that politics has nothing to do with bullying. Politics has everything to do with bullying.
We have school politics and office politics as well as local, state, and national politics. Only school and office politics are child’s play, local politics is the middleweights, and state, and national politics are the Big Leagues! Big politicians always get their start in school and office politics then move their way up.
We now have identity politics, which is like a festering disease, in my opinion. And it’s this type of politics that is dangerous for the female of the human species, regardless of her race, ethnicity, orientation, or age.
As I mentioned in my blog post entitled, “How the Left Killed the Goals and Dreams of Female Athletes,” biological women and girls are getting the shaft in sports all in the name of transgender equality. If they want real transgender equality, they should create a third division- the transgender division in sports. There should be a men’s division, a women’s’ division, and a transgender division. It would certainly solve the issue of inclusiveness. Right?
Yet, biological men who identify as women are being placed on women’s teams, and, because they still have the muscle mass and body composition of a men, they are destroying the chances for biological females. How is that fair? Moreover, how is it not a form of bullying?
No all transgender people are bad, so in no way am I implying that they are. There are great people in every group just as there are bad. And they too should be treated with dignity like everyone else.
But the issue remains that, once again, women and girls are getting the short end, yet you don’t hear a peep from the pink vagina hats and other feminist groups. I wonder why.
And it’s not just in sports, but also in the area of public bathrooms, public showers, and the penal system! Now this is dangerous!
The Left wants to grant transgender females (biological men) the freedom to use the women’s and girl’s bathrooms. And they don’t necessarily have to be transgender. All they must do is identify as a woman! Hell, anyone can do that- including serial rapists, perverts, and killers!
All it takes is for a rapist to claim he is a woman, and he gets to enter the women’s room. He can then lie in wait for the next unsuspecting female to come in, and, preferably for the rapist, come into the bathroom alone! Then, he can attack! And, because of his muscle mass and body strength, most females would be at his mercy.
The Radical Left is basically asking for our mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, aunts, and grandmothers to be more easily victimized by wolves in sheep’s clothing who have evil intentions, all for the sake of transgender equality and identity politics.
And don’t think they haven’t thought of that because, although the Radical Left is crazy, they aren’t stupid- not by any stretch of the imagination. Believe me, they know exactly what the risks are, they just don’t care. Their “cause” is more important than the lives of innocent women and girls. Excuse me if I “offend” anyone here, but I see the right and wrong of it. I also see reality and am not afraid to tell it like it is.
The penal system. In states like California, not only transgender women (biological men) but any men who identify as women, are being transferred to women’s prisons. This is a recipe for disaster and independent news pieces are already coming out with reports of biological women being raped, impregnated, physically assaulted, even killed by biological men in these prisons!
The hypocrisy is glaring, and it has been for a while now.
The Radical Left claims to be for women’s rights, yet they endanger the lives and well-beings of biological females by these ridiculous ideologies in the name of “transgender equality.”
They claim to be for women’s rights, yet they back countries like Iran, where it is customary to beat females in the street for such tiny mistakes as walking too loud, speaking out of turn, or walking beside her husband instead of behind him.
The Radical Left also claims that there are what? Fifty-something different genders of people in the world? But! For there to be fifty different genders, wouldn’t there have to be fifty different sets of chromosomes instead of only two (XX and XY)?
After all, we must “follow the science.” Right?
And how can they claim to be for women’s rights when they back groups like the Taliban- who are notorious for chopping off the feet of women and girls who defy their standards, past or present, and ransacking villages and family dwellings to take girls as young as 7 and 8 as child brides?
They can’t!
I’m all for for women’s rights, don’t get me wrong. But if we’re for women’s rights then we’re for it 100 percent, across the board, and there’s no straddling the fence.
Now, do you see the hypocrisy?
As a woman, these ridiculous ideologies infuriate me to no end. Anytime I get ready to go shopping or run any errands, I always go to the bathroom before I leave the house because I no longer wish to use the public bathrooms. It’s not as safe as it once was. But you can bet that if an emergency arises and I have to use them, I’ll always be alert and aware of my surroundings, and I urge every other woman and girl to do the same.
And if any creep comes in and tries to harm me, you can bet that I’m going to fight. I’m going to punch, kick, pull, claw, stab- do everything I must do to get him off me. And I’ll fight until I either kill him or he kills me first! That’s a solemn promise. And I’d also fight to protect another female being attacked, especially if she’s a child!
And I would expect no less from any other biological female who finds herself in the same situation.
Most biological females (and I say most because I realize there are exceptions to every rule) do not have the physical power and strength of a biological male (transgender or not). And little girls most certainly don’t have it. Hence, the imbalance of power that constitutes any form of bullying.
But sadly, it seems no one wants to have this discussion.
News links for incidences in Women’s and Girls’ Bathrooms and Showers:
Often, when we are simply being selective of those we keep company with, others will accuse us of being judgmental or passing judgment and it can be difficult to defend against this if you don’t know how to tell the difference. So, what is the difference between passing judgment and being selective?
Here are your answers:
1. Passing judgement. You pass judgment on someone by excluding and bullying them for any reasons that are petty and without any evidence that suggests that the person isn’t safe to be around. For example, you judge them based on race, sex, weight, height, or orientation. You may also judge them based on the kinds of clothes they wear, how they look, or based on the nasty rumors you have heard from others about them, instead of judging them based on their character or the behavior and actions you’ve personally seen from them. In other words, you convict the person before having the time to get to know them, even though your gut is telling you the person is harmless.
2. Being selective. When you are being selective, on the other hand, you know without a shadow of a doubt that the person is abusive, toxic, and no good to be around. You have evidence that the person is unhealthy to be around because you have witnessed firsthand their crappy behavior, the terrible way they treat others, and the nasty attitude they have. No sane person wants to be around toxic people and with good reason. Also, your gut will tell you a lot about a person and you’ll feel the icky vibes they exude. So, you should never ignore it!
Being judgmental isn’t healthy nor smart because we rush to judgment on people we don’t really know. As a result, we may miss out on people who could be great friends, allies, and who could bring a lot of good to the world.
Being selective is healthy and the smart thing to do because, in being selective of the people we associate with, we base our judgment on what we know and witness in content of character and behavior. Therefore, we ensure our safety from those who may wish to harm us.
There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.
Respect and like are different in that like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life. On the other hand, respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality.
When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.
A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.
To not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.
But to not respect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. In other words, if you have no respect for a specific individual, you don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else. And when you don’t respect someone, you will think it’s perfectly okay to violate that person because they somehow deserve to be violated.
Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed. When you disrespect someone, you won’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.
In your mind, the person either doesn’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as you and everyone else. You may wish the person harm or ill will. You may not want to breathe the same air as the person.
Signs of Dislike
1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.
2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.
Signs of Disrespect
1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.
2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.
If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.
The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.
On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.
If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.
However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either walk away from them or send them packing, one of the two. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!
If you’ve read this blog for long enough, I’m sure you can already guess the answer to that question. “Why not?” you may ask?
There are several reasons:
1.I’d be a fool if I ever trusted them again. And I’d be a damn fool to put myself into a situation where I’d either get sucked into any petty drama or worse- hurt! And if they expect any trust from me, it’s too late. They should’ve have earned it by acting better.
2. Most of my classmates haven’t changed a bit since high school. Many are still the same drama-filled buffoons they were in high school. Only they’ve gotten older and less attractive over the years. They’ve gone from being obnoxious and self-absorbed punks to being angry and bitter mid-lifers who are resentful and crotchety because their lives didn’t turn out like they had thought. And they wouldn’t think twice about causing harm if it meant they could relive the glory days of high school.
3. Also, at high school reunions, people tend to regress into kids again. This little gathering would only be an opportunity for most of the classmates to compare themselves and their lives with one another.
4. Most of them will probably be drinking excessively, which, at our age, equals unattractive, obnoxious, and stupid. And it also means a higher intolerance of liquor than the good old days and being hungover and puking the next day. No, thank you! ‘Not my scene!
5. The reunion would, more than likely, be nothing more than a circus of posturing, showboating, and one-upmanship, where, figuratively, all the women would only talk about who’s gotten fat, who’s got the most wrinkles, and who’s had facelifts, tummy tucks, and boob-jobs. The men would probably only brag about who’s made the most money, who has the most sex, and who can still achieve an erection. And I have no time to listen to a bunch of drunken, and middle-aged adults compare bank accounts, waist measurements, or penis sizes.
6. I forgive my classmates, yes. But it doesn’t mean I desire to play footsie with any of them. Again, many of them will probably be getting sloppy drunk and puking their guts out around a huge bonfire, and they will probably talk about the same boring crap over and over again. And I’ve got better things to do.
So, with that said, anytime you don’t feel safe going to a particular function, trust your instincts and don’t go!
If anyone tries to talk you into going to a gathering of any kind and you know specific people are going to be there- particularly people who’ve brought you drama and those you wouldn’t trust to shovel manure, there’s nothing wrong with rejecting the invite.
Self-care is of the utmost importance. And if going to any function means that you must be around people who’ve given you no reason to trust them, then you have not only a right, but an obligation to yourself not to go!
And if they get offended or angry with you for declining, all the more reason you shouldn’t go! Remember that your safety and peace of mind comes first!
It’s not that targets don’t want to trust people because they do. They want so badly to be able to trust someone not to harm them or to turn on them.
Targets want so much to trust, to be able to relax and to be comfortable in social situations. Only they don’t know who to trust. Therefore, it’s much safer not to trust anyone- safer to put up walls and keep the rest of the world out.
Targets have, over time, built up invisible fortresses around themselves for protection. The problem with this is that these protective fortresses can become prisons and sometimes tombs!
Here’s why this happens:
1. Targets of bullying have been outcasts for so long they don’t trust invitations to events. Even worst, they don’t trust people enough to even talk to them.
2. They get blamed for everything that goes wrong in the environment they’re stuck in.
3. They’ve been treated so badly that they’ve lost faith in humanity.
4. Bullies and their followers have, in the past, baited the target into trusting them somehow, all for the purpose of pulling a joke or prank on him. And the target can no longer risk being fooled again.
Understand that people need human connection. And trust issues are a factor that re-enforces isolation and is no way for anyone to live. It’s a terrible existence and can sometimes create an opportunity for the target to commit suicide.
If you notice that your loved one is isolating themselves or is developing trust issues. It’s imperative that you lovingly talk to them, do a little investigating, and find out why.
