Tag: rumors

examples of social bullying

Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

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Would you like to know several social bullying examples and the reasons bullies try to turn everyone against you? As someone who’s been affected in the past, I’m giving you all the details about social bullying.

social bullying examples

Social bullying leaves it’s victims stripped of not only friends and supporters, but sometimes family members as well. If this is happening to you, then you’re doing all you can to research this type of bullying. Therefore, I’m giving you all the details and social bullying examples so that you’ll be able to name what is happening to you and protect yourself.

You will learn all the ins and outs of social bullying and what you can do to lessen it’s effects.

Once you learn all the aspects of social bullying, you will be able to call it out by name and defend yourself properly against it from now on.

This post is all about social bullying examples and will give you the tiny details about this insidious type of bullying.

social bullying examples

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Social bullies wreck your good standing in a school, workplace, or community by way smear campaigns of lies, rumors, and gossip.

Before we get into the details and examples, let’s first discuss why bullies attack your reputation and relationships. In other words, what do these bullies have to gain from sabotaging your social connections?

What are the psychological payoffs they get from doing this? Here’s are your answers.

Simply put, bullies attack your relationships and reputation to strip you of power. Once they kill your reputation and break apart your relationships, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.

In other words, social bullies turn people against you to isolate you. Understand that isolation weakens your position in the social world and leaves you wide open for attack.

Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. And they can do it without risk of others coming to your defense and holding the bullies accountable.

When everyone turns against you, they’ll no longer support and protect you. Therefore, you’re at the mercy of virtually anyone who decides to bully you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

First, Bullies Destroy your reputation.

How? By rumors, lies, and defamation.

In the beginning, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

Additionally, bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because you can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. You could deny the rumors. Moreover, you could even produce evidence that proves your innocence of the accusations.

2. You could ignore the lies and blow your accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at you with suspicion.

Social bullying examples: The mechanics of social bullying

1. If you defend yourself and produce evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

2. If you ignore the lies and wave your accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of you. Why? Because they’ll think that you have something to hide and are only playing it cool.

Moreover, social bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get you enraged and rattled. So much so that while defending yourself, you end up making a truckload of mistakes out of nervousness.

This works even better if you haven’t yet established a reputation. Because the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor. However, even if you do have a good reputation initially, the bullies will most likely destroy it because people tend to think the worst of others.

What happens once bullies have destroyed your good name?

Your damaged reputation meets people before you do.

Consequently, this brings loss of opportunities to meet new people. In other words, you lose the ability to move on with new friends.

When bullies and their followers have unjustly slandered or libeled you, even total strangers will no doubt hear of you. Therefore, there’s a strong chance that, by the time you meet them, they will already have their minds made up about you.

Sadly, this is one feature of bullying that crosses very few people’s minds.

Social bullying examples: invisible enemies

What’s even scarier is that you are left completely defenseless against the attacks of strangers. In other words, when you haven’t the slightest idea who your enemies are, how do you know who to watch out for?

Moreover, how do you know who to avoid? It’s impossible to protect yourself from invisible enemies.

This is often the case once bullies have unjustly used smear campaigns against you. It is a situation which is even more dangers because you are walking blind!

You cannot see the enemy. Someone could walk right up to you on the street, in broad daylight, and you wouldn’t know.  Moreover, they could have a weapon hidden on them and you would never know of their intent to hurt or kill you until it was too late.

It will feel as if you’re fighting ghosts.

For example, we lost the Vietnam War because we didn’t know who the enemy was. We didn’t know exactly who was or wasn’t on our side!

Reputation is the decider of merit.

Your reputation will always decide the credit you get even from actions that are innocent. In other words, two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way.

And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler, It’s not what you do. It’s who others perceive you to be when you do it.

It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

Here’s the rub. A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings us to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything! A bad reputation, regardless of whether you deserve it, sets you up to fail.

 However, there’s hope!

Social bullying examples

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how:

1. Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind. However, if you stay in the community where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward.

You may wonder why this is.

It’s because, sadly, the social bullying has gone on for so long that your reputation in the community has become ironclad. Consequently, there isn’t much you can do to change things once something has gained that kind of strength.

In other words, you’ll always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures and better opportunities?

Again, the best you can do to better your life is to move away and get a fresh start in a new town. It will be the only way you will find happiness and stability.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and one you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. You and these people will already have common ground.

The cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

3. when your friends turn against you because of your bullies’ Lies, have nothing more to do with them.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, then believes the lies of social bullies does not deserve your friendship. Also, they were probably never your friend to begin with.

Therefore, walk away from them and reject them if they come back around. This is how you value yourself. It’s how you protect yourself and treat yourself well.

A true friend would never believe any lies and rumors about you. Moreover, they would have enough respect for you to ask you before making such snap judgements.

This post was all about social bullying examples, the mechanics of social bullying, and what you can do to lessen or alleviate the negative affects of it on your life.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

devil horns

The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

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Do you want to know what the horns effect is and the why’s and how’s of it’s impact on victims of bullying? The H.E. is a type of bias that targets and their friends and family members need to know about.

the horns effect

Bullying not only destroys you confidence, it also destroys your reputation. Why? Because bullies smear and defame you to prevent you from having friends and getting support. Therefore, this can induce what psychologists call, the horns effect.

In this post, you will learn what the horns effect is and how it relates to bullying and effects victims.

Once you learn all about this phenomenon, you will be better able to not only explain it, but combat it and prevent it from happening to you again in the future.

This post is all about the horns effect, how bullies and bullying can bring it on you, and what you can do to minimize it.

The Horns Effect

What is it?

The Horns Effect (or Reverse Halo Effect) – is the opposite of the Halo Effect. It’s a form of bias that causes people’s perception of a person to be negative based on a single (perceived) negative trait.

No one’s perfect, and everyone has negative traits. However, the Horns Effect is an example of how one negative trait over-shadows the positive characteristics of a person.

Moreover, it’s how negative ratings of one quality can easily cross over to judgments of other attributes.

For example, here’s a beautiful and attractive woman. She works hard, has a good heart, and has talent in singing and playing the guitar.

Although the woman is kindhearted, is a knockout, and has superior skill in music, people may view her as foolish for whatever reason. Therefore, they may also view her as unattractive and untalented.

All it takes is one unfavorable rating of one characteristic to influence lower scores of other qualities.

All it takes is one characteristic people don’t like

What happens is that people jump to conclusions about a person too quickly, based only on one imperfection. As a result, they end up wrongly judging the individual.

Other examples of The Horns Effect are when people judge a group based on the behavior of a few bad apples. In other words, they may think that a person with a higher body weight is lazy and has no willpower.

Moreover, some may think that blondes are ditzy, blacks are thugs, whites are racist, and poor people are bums. The H.E. is the root of many stereotypes.

The problem is that we see something we don’t like about a person or a particular member of a group. We then go on judging them from our own unfavorable view.

This only determines our attitude and behavior toward them. Consequently, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when they push back. The demonized persons backlash only reinforces those negative attitudes that their bad traits are connected to all other characteristics.

The same thing happens when you’re bullied for so long. You finally get fed up and react out of emotion, which only reinforces the attitudes of others. People see you as overreacting, overly sensitive, or as having a mental imbalance.

The Horns Effect labels targets unjustly

If you’re not careful, your perfectly normal reaction will be to become defensive (as every action produces a reaction). Although this is a normal response and you’re definitely not wrong for it, understand that bullies are good at taking something normal, spinning it to fit their narrative, and making it seem bad or abnormal to others.

Here’s another example: When things go wrong, people tend to cut anyone else some slack. They,ll assume that things were only out of their control.

On the other hand, if the incident happened to be within their control, others pass it off as, “everyone makes mistakes.”

However, it will be different if it’s you. People will only view your every action with distrust.

The popular belief will be that you caused the mishap deliberately or had an agenda. Sadly, people do this subconsciously.

In other words, if anyone else is late for class or work, people will only think, “Oh, traffic must have been bad.” “Maybe so-and-so had a stressful morning.”

On the other hand, if you’re the one who’s late for class, people would only accuse you of not having your crap together or having no respect for authority.

This is known as confirmation bias.

The horns effect produces confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias happens when people actively search for and “find” evidence that proves that their negative opinions of you are right. All the while, they will discount any proof that doesn’t support their views of you.

In short, if you are a victim of bullying, chances are that people will negatively judge everything you do.

Understand that, once bullies have tarnished your reputation, others will have a psychological need to “be right” about you. Moreover, this is what leads bystanders and others around you to assume that any negative gossip about you is true.

Sadly, this occurs despite a complete lack of evidence.

Whereas, if the gossip is about anyone else, people won’t believe any accusation of wrongdoing. They’ll only ignore it, even if there’s a mountain of evidence to back it up.

The Horns Effect leads to bias and prejudice

The Horns Effect leads teachers and supervisors to disqualify people who are well-deserving of and qualified for awards. For instance, if you’re qualify for an award, people will become so biased against you that they’ll select someone who doesn’t.

Moreover, they’ll punish you for a particular behavior while overlooking the same behavior in anyone else. People’s personal dislike, disrespect and hatred of you will influence this.

And if they happen to see any improvement or positive change in you, they won’t believe it. Or, they’ll assume it won’t last.

Others will only see it as, “Oh, she’s just on her best behavior to impress others and get them off her tail. She’ll be back to her bitch-self soon enough. Just give her time.”

At the same time, they may not see poor and unacceptable behavior in someone other than the you. With anyone else, people will say, “Oh, so-and-so would never have done that! That sounds like something (your name) would do!”

In other words, others will make excuses for someone else.

“I’m sure Becky didn’t mean to do XYZ.”

Or “Maybe Rhonda is just going through some things and that’s why she snapped and hit Chrissy with a baseball bat.”

The Horns Effect is the root of discrimination and prejudice just like the Halo Effect is the root of favoritism and partiality.

Under the horns effect, peers and superiors are less patient with you.

For example, teachers are less patient with you if you ask questions in class and you may eventually stop asking for help. Therefore, you won’t learn as much, won’t work as hard, and won’t make very high grades.

Consequently, this will only activate the teacher’s confirmation bias and reinforce her sullied opinion of you. She’ll only assume that you’re a lazy student.

If you’re under the thumb of the Horns Effect, others begin to see you as a terrible person. And they will block any opportunities for friendships, relationships, and success as word travels quickly.

Anytime you suffer bullying and it seems you can’t do anything right by anyone, you can bet that you’re under the spell of The Horns Effect.

An Unfair Disadvantage 

It doesn’t matter whether you deserve the hatred others have toward you. The Horns Effect mars everyone’s interactions with you.

As a result, it leaves you feeling like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. Because though you may try, you can’t seem to get anywhere with people.

And because you’re unhappy, miserable, depressed and angry (and who wouldn’t be under those circumstances?), everyone will only feel justified in their hatred.

Therefore, once the Horn Effect takes hold and people form an image of you, it’s almost impossible to change. No matter what or how many good deeds you do, or how kind you are to others, people will see your goodness as a ploy to kiss-up and score brownie points.

the Horns Effect is A powerful tool for bullies

Understand that The Horns Effect is what bullies count on. And once the bullies complete their agenda of destroying your reputation, The Horns Affect automatically comes into play.

It’s tough to get others to change their first impressions of you. Though you can do it, it takes a truckload of patience and consistency.

Moreover, it takes a certain amount of pointing out your good qualities, hard work and successes to people. Ironically, this can backfire if you aren’t careful, because people may only think you’re trying to build yourself up.

Therefore, realize that any effort to effect change may do no good or make the situation worse. Because people naturally base their decisions and behavior on deeply hidden feelings. In other words, their actions toward you are subconscious.

Judgements Based on Emotions

Most people are either too lazy or too full-of-themselves to do any critical thinking. Therefore, they will rationalize any hateful behavior. Also, they will search for clues which confirm that their attitude, feelings and subsequent actions and behavior are justified.

Teachers will often grade student’s papers based on their biases. In other words, they rank a student’s essay based on how they perceive that student. If a teacher sees a student to be a lazy low performer, they’ll grade their assignments through that lens.

Understand that people don’t judge you for what’s actually there. They judge you from what they expect to be there.

Put another way, if they expect trouble to come from a particular place, then that’s where they’re going to look. Therefore, this brings me back to the subject. If people don’t like one thing about you, chances are they won’t like anything else about you, good or bad.

The Horns Effect: Who you are cancels out merit

Most ideas don’t stand on their own merits. People judge ideas based on who they come from. It’s a dark part of human nature.

The Horns and Halo Effects have a way of clouding people’s judgment of a person. People will make irrational beliefs because, again, they believe that the existence of one bad trait means that there are other unpleasant qualities.

Any time you are under the shadow of The Horns Effect, anything you say, accomplish, create or do is automatically dismissed without consideration of whether it’s genuine.

No matter who said it or did it, it’s either genuine or it isn’t, based on its own merit. It is what it is, no matter who it came from. A good idea is a good idea, even if it comes from the town whore. Whereas, a bad idea is a bad idea, even if it came from a pastor’s wife.

Unfortunately, you have little control over other’s perceptions and opinions of you. And, as mentioned earlier, people tend not to make judgements based on merit.

However, there are a few things you can do. One of which is to take care of yourself.

Do the things you love most and that fulfill your soul. Also, lean on and draw closer to the people who love you.

This is  how you keep the spell of The Horns Effect from trashing your self-esteem.

This post is all about the horns effect so that unjustly disgraced victims of bullying can better understand what’s happening to them. Moreover, they can take steps to repair and salvage their confidence and psychological well-being.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

Bullies Who Tattle on Their Targets

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Bullies, especially school bullies, are notorious tattletales. And they often tattle on their targets for even the tiniest of infractions. If it so happens, they cannot find anything to tell on their targets about, they will make something up. Furthermore, they will make sure it’s something believable.

These bullies watch their targets closely, waiting with bated breath for the target to do or say something- anything that even smacks of being outside the category of right. They then run and tattle to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

How noble these bullies must feel, sitting on their moral high ground, working as little gestapos. Moreover, they feel entitled to ensure that everyone is good little peasants, following the rules down to the letter! Or, at least, that’s what they want those in authority to think.

The reality is that everyone, other than the target, is free to do as they wish. They only do these things to their targets. Why? To keep them from being able to defend themselves or report bullying.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying, all your bullies must do is smear your name to any member of staff and you’re marred for good. They then clear the path to bully you in the future without fear of being reported. After all, who’s going to take the word of a troublemaker and rule-breaker?

Also, if enough people tattle on you, those in positions of power are more likely to believe them. Why? Because, “if you aren’t guilty of whatever they accuse you of, then why are so many people pointing the finger at you?” Right?

It’s Like a Game of Chess, Bullies are Setting Everything Up Against You

Besides, in tattling on you or telling lies about you, these bullies are setting up a system where you will be discredited. In that, they’ll render you powerless to stop the bullying or escape it. Tattling is also a way to silence you.  Think about it. If you know that no one will believe you anyway, you’re more likely to find it easier and less painful just to keep your mouth shut.

Remember that bullies are master chess players. Therefore, this is how they set the stage beforehand to make you powerless. Because, once you’re completely powerless, they’ll bully you openly and in plain sight.

Besides, who’s going to stop them? After all, you’re a troublemaker, a rebel-rouser, a riffraff! And people aren’t bullying you, they’re only reacting to something you must have done to them. Right?

Bullies and everyone else-good. Target-bad! You’re bad, so you deserve it.

And the tattlers? They’re only “good kids” who want to learn in a clean environment. They serve as the extra pairs of eyes that the staff need because the staff can’t be everywhere at once. They’re the little helpers.

So, let’s give them a cookie for their efforts to make our jobs a little easier!

Tattling is a technique to eventually block the target from any help they’ll need and otherwise receive.

Afterwards, when the damage is done, the bullies will boast about how they succeeded in taking away your power and ruining your life.

Moreover, bullies use tattling as a veneer to hide their own bad behavior, and project it onto you. If they can slither their way into the good graces of those in power while demonizing you, their plot will work perfectly, and the bullies be virtually untouchable.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being prepared for this type of thing. And the more you prepare, the better you’ll be able to counter this slick tactic, and the better you’ll protect yourself.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying for Increased Social Status

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Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status. And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the social status of the bully is increased, while that of the target is reduced.

For many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former. On the other hand, if the bully does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake.

In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

A Zero Sum Game

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

But most bullies don’t have a lot of money. And these are the types who achieve social status through exploitation of other mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

Bullying is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement, such as joining a positive movement or donating to a charity. However, one tiny mistake can instantly tarnish one’s reputation and all the good they’ve done.

The world is, sadly, quick to blame a person for any negative qualities or actions while slow to forgive or to give credit for good deeds. And bullies instinctively know this and take full advantage of it.

The only way they can excel up the social hierarchy is by demeaning others. And they do it by taking the tiniest mistake you make, adding to it, and blowing it up to decrease your social ranking.

The Only Way for Most Bullies to Have Power

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

In doing this, bullies garner support from others who are just like them and who share the same values. After all, bullying is most effective in group situations, where people unite to serve a certain objective. Bullies never work alone. They always have people backing them.

Group bullying not only gives talentless bullies a sense of belonging, but it also tightens the bonds among members of the group. Furthermore, this collective bullying gives them not only anonymity, but also makes them more successful in bringing the target down than if the bullies worked alone.

Another advantage to group bullying is the mob mentality it produces. It’s a dark part of human nature that people conform and imitate the behaviors of other members of the group. Therefore, in groups, bullies have much more impact and can make a much bigger impact.

Bullies Never Work Alone, They’re Too Cowardly

However, understand that people who rely on their ability to bully others out of existence to achieve social gain can never achieve it any other way.

These types of people are the talentless, the lazy, and the incompetent. They have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence. You must see these bullies exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How Redundancy Backfires on Bullies

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Have you noticed how bullies tend to repeat the same personal attacks over and over again? It’s true that a lie repeated a thousand times become truth. However, it can also have the opposite effect- it can become boring.

Sometimes, the attacks go on for so long, they become boring to the point that they actually lose their effect on the target…and everyone else. Why?

Because, instead of tapering off a bit once the attacks do have their desired effect, the bullies only increase them, trying to make absolute sure the labels stick. They want to ensure that others don’t forget how disgusting and revolting the target is.

bored

But! What the bullies end up doing is repeating the same tired, worn-out lines and narratives that they end up losing support. In other words, it all backfires right in their faces.

Let Them Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!

This is good because the target now has leverage and can use it to their advantage.

If you are a target of bullying and your bullies are pulled this broken-record tactic, all you must do is to sit back and let your bullies do what they will do. You never know. They just might end up shooting themselves in the foot!

Then you get to smile as you watch them make complete fools of themselves. Also, you get to listen as people laugh at your bullies behind their backs. And, it you think they won’t dare laugh at the bullies, wrong. They may not do it to their faces, but trust me, they’ll go wild with the jokes and laughs behind the bullies’ backs. I guarantee it!

So, align yourself with those your bullies have bullied in the past. Enjoy listening to the ridicule as you laugh with your newfound friends and allies. Because that will be the fun part!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Label You “Mentally Ill”

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When people label you “mentally ill,” “crazy,” “unhinged,” take your pick, based on the lies of bullies; no one has to take you seriously ever again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad. Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously. What a crying shame!

Therefore, when bullies can con an entire community into deeming you crazy, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that it can make the labelled person doubt their own sanity. In other words, it’s not so much that they think you’re crazy, it’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

Further, the crazy card is the easiest for bullies to play. Although they can never prove you’re a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The label, “crazy” is worse than the label, “criminal.”

This is why the crazy label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Crazy” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove crazy.

Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while, but eventually, the label does get old and wear itself out. And when that happens, it will lose it’s effect.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Truth: They Don’t Know Why They Hate You, They Just Do

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It’s true. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies more than likely don’t consciously know why they hate you. So, what do they do? They make up reasons.

And the reasons they make up arise from confabulations and hasty generalizations. The reasons also come from long-standing rumors that turn into myths.  These myths may have been around for years- even decades. When a myth or generalization has been the narrative long enough, it goes unquestioned and takes on a life of its own. It’s “just the way it is.” As a result, people become “biased” against the target.

When bullies and others are biased against a person, they accept any myth as truth, and this bias keeps bullies wound up and ready to hurt the target. Bias blinds people and claims to know the truth about a person or group of people without concrete evidence or firsthand knowledge.

People support biases with stereotypes, which are only lies and opinions repeated so often and for so long until society accepts them as the truth.

But know this. If you’re a target of bullies, although others may tag you with labels that don’t apply to you, you don’t have to accept them nor let them define who you are. Only you can define yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. Understand that nobody knows the inner you but you.

Know that you have the power to accept or reject labels. Use that power. Reject your bullies’ definitions of you. Bullies may have a degree of control over your surroundings and, yes, even your physical well-being. They may also control how others view you.

But they can never control what you think of yourself. Bullies can’t control your mind and thoughts without your permission. That power belongs to you and you alone.

The Truth is Uncomfortable and Inconvenient to Bullies and Their Followers

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They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

8 Things Bullies Will Tell Others When the Target Puts Their Foot Down

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Any time a target gets tired of the abuse and calls a bully’s bluff. The bully will more than likely justify their behavior to others. Here is a list of the most famous statements you’re likely to hear, from most popular to least.

1. “She’s crazy.” or “She’s unstable.”

2. “He’s just mad because I called him out!”

3. “She’s so fake.”

4. “She’s too sensitive.” “She’s overreacting.”

5. “He’s a crybaby.”

6. “She doesn’t want to admit when she’s wrong.”

7. “I was just trying to help you.”

8. “She’s just jealous of me because of…”

Always listen to your gut feeling- it will always tell you the truth. If something doesn’t feel good, your gut will tell you. Remember that the sensations of the body never lie. You should expect bullies to act this way when you finally assert yourself; it only goes to show what kinds of people they are- and who you should avoid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies, Rumors, Gossip, and Smears

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Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about the target’s character and private life, which has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace. The purpose of gossip is to control the target’s status by demoting the target on the social hierarchy.

Another purpose of gossip is to justify any punishment of the target by promoting a collective view that the victim doesn’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.

 And once a target is viewed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!

Gossip has another benefit. It tightens group connections, gives higher status to the people who are privy to the negative information, and sets expectations and norms in the group as to how they should treat the target.

Through gossip, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of the target. With the use of it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that the target “deserves it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

People tell others to keep it secret, but they also ask them to inform the group of any new information and updates that concern their target.

Realize that it serves to provide bullies reaffirmations that their perceptions of the target are correct, that the target deserves abuse.

Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt by beginning their sentences with things like,

“I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”

“Poor thing…”

“Bless her heart…”

 They will acknowledge that the target is a human being, but only because this gives them the green light to go on talking and helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.

gossip rumors lies talk

It’s true that reputation doesn’t equal character. But it can effect life. Understand that the rumors may, in fact, be false and there may be zero credible evidence to back them up. But if pure speculation best fits the bullies’ goals, that’s what they will go along with.

In the late stages of gossip, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators. Gossip brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, or human being.

Anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief. Remember the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, telling him about how he got his bad name and wishing he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal but he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.

And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Reputation Is Not Your Character

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Bullying can be a big weight and a burden with negative influence – Bullying role and impact symbolized by a heavy prisoner’s weight attached to a person, 3d illustration.

“Your reputation is what others think of you; your character is what you truly are. Reputations can be manipulated; character can only be developed and maintained.”

~ Bohdi Sanders ~

All too often, when a person is bullied, his/her reputation takes a big hit due to the many ugly rumors and lies which are spread by their tormentors. Remember that bullying is a campaign.

Just as a politician would go from house to house and business to business, kissing babies and shaking hands with people on the street while giving a spiel of why they’re the best person for the office they’re running for, bullies do the same. They go from person to person spinning their yarn about why no one should associate with the target.

Bullies/Peer Abusers engage everyone, even friends and family of the victim, pulling false accusations out of thin air and making them sound so convincing that others find the lies difficult not to believe.

Tormentors may also use a “tiny grain of truth,” which may be a simple mistake the victim might have made in the past (possibly an error which anybody could have made at any time), then add their spin to it, making it worse and more significant than what it is to make the story even more believable.

Moreover, harassers may use subtle provocations, taunts, and assaults to bait the victim into a reaction, then turn around and use his/her perfectly normal human response as further proof that he/she is a less than desirable person (crazy, stupid, evil, etc.).

Businessman not listening to nonsense.

You must realize that bullies are sociopaths. They have a wealth of superficial charm at their disposal and are masters in the arts of persuasion and influence. People of this nature are very skilled wordsmiths, which is why they are seemingly able to pull a complete fabrication out of their butts and make it smell sweet and sound plausible.

Because of this oozing charm that most seasoned bullies possess, they can encourage bystanders and sometimes authority (teachers, principals, monitors, etc.) to join in the torment.

After being attacked for so long, it’s too easy for victims to become worn down and go the “eye for an eye” route and return the attacks (physically or verbally). Although defending oneself is a perfectly reasonable response to assaults, victims are forced to be cautious in their counter-attacks and very carefully choose their battles because a well-experienced bully can easily use any reactions to validate any rumors lies about them.

Before long, even those who aren’t normally bullies will either shun or brutalize the selected target. Thus, the reputation of the innocent victim is tarnished and will take years to repair.

With all the above combined, bullies can be a weapon of mass destruction to their victims, ripping them to shreds and destroying any credibility they once had. Right or wrong, once credibility is lost, victims are powerless and have almost zero chance of redeeming themselves, and opportunities can be lost even before they present themselves.

If you are a target of bullying, I want to assure you that your reputation DOES NOT equal your character. You are an intelligent, goodhearted person, and you are worthy of being loved regardless of how others may perceive you.

As difficult as it may be to do so, you must never let your reputation define you. Never let bullies dim your shine! Hold on, with everything you have in you, to your remarkable qualities, even if you have to remind yourself that you are a great person every day! Hold on to your faith and your dignity! Hold on to TRUTH!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Translating the Tactics Bullies Use

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Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You

The possible underlying messages are:

“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”

“I’m jealous of your relationships!”

“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”

Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept

“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”

“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”

“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”

When Bullies Beat You up

The possible messages are:

“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”

“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”

When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior

The possible messages are:

“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you doubt your sanity. I’m going to make you feel like everything I do to you is your fault! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”

“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!

dreamstime_xs_158125381

“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”

So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Smear Campaigns In-Depth

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It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because people will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, the rumor or whatever lie they spread will stick. They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy!

Let’s break it down.

The bullies start by suggesting that the target would be better off if he/she got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for his (the target’s) own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there.

In the beginning, the target may have friends and be very well-liked. And these friends may try to support the victim and speak on his behalf, but that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to the friends by telling them that sometime in the past, the target criticized them (the friends) or stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy- even things that never happened.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they get until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

The target might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors get around, the target’s friends will no longer believe him to be right. They’ll only think the victim is a thorn in the side with a big mouth. By the time bullying is underway, your reputation is no longer clean.

Now, everyone thinks the target never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around him also feel that the reason he was so well-liked is that he conned his way into their hearts.

They’ll say that the target put on a front, and he only weaseled his way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse the victim of being a kiss-arse.

The target’s past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades will be made irrelevant. And every mistake and failure will be maximized, along with many more he didn’t make. At the same time, they’ll rewrite the victim’s history.

When you’re a target, even if others see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll only react by claiming that you’re only a smooth-talker who’s darn good at using fake charm to manipulate others.

And the friends that your bullies turn against you? Your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start and that they were only kind to you because they were afraid of you, felt sorry for you, or because you smooth-talked and conned them.

Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations, and if they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them into it.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

I want you to understand that their minds are already made up and there’s no changing it.

In cases like these, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment altogether and never look back, and to never have anything to do with any of these people again. You owe it to yourself to kick them all to the curb.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Rumors and Lies Breed False Memories

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As rumors and lies circulate, details are included and added to the stories, and these details have a way of being inserted into people’s memories. There have been cases of burglaries where the homeowners “thought they saw” an unarmed burglar with a gun when, in fact, there was no gun.

Understand that in these cases, people don’t lie on purpose. They really and truly believe they saw a gun in the criminal’s hand or his pocket. They actually “remember” seeing it.

And the reason they remember it so plainly is that they’ve heard and talked about it so much their brains filled in the blanks with the details based on what they heard. Another reason for false memories is that when bullies ask questions such as,

“Did you see her do this?”

“Did you hear him say that?”

they only suggest that she did do this, or he did say that- the Power of Suggestion at work.

It’s so easy to influence people’s memories by presenting something in a particular way. Also, the memory will adjust itself according to a person’s stereotypes and expectations. People see what they expect to see.

Too often, people’s memories depend on social expectations- what they expect the target to do and not what he is actually doing.

Understand that memories are mistakable and can be falsified. Sure. And whether accurate or make-believe, once it becomes a memory, there’s no way to tell the difference.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to realize that this does happen and that you must make preparations accordingly to protect yourself better.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Number One Indicator A Bully is Guilty of Something

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How do you know a bully is guilty of something?

Easy! They’re busy accusing someone else of it.

Bullies are notorious for projecting. Anything they accuse you of doing, you can bet dollars to doughnuts they’re doing it. Put another way, bullies do the same things they accuse innocent targets of doing. Understand that this is how they tell off on themselves.

There’s so much truth to the saying that, any time you point a finger, there are always three pointed back at you.

Humans can never know the inner workings of anyone else but themselves. They see from their own perspectives and speak from their own thoughts and attitudes. It is why most cheating spouses will often accuse the other spouse of doing the cheating. Every wife or husband who’s ever been cheated on knows that this is a red flag that’s all too common.

Realize that any time you have some schmuck accusing you of something terrible that you know in your heart you’re not guilty of, the chances are high that your accuser(s) is/are the one(s) guilty of it. Projection is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

blame accuse pointing finger

Remember the quotes of Joseph Goebbels, a well-known propaganda minister:

“Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.”

And…

“A lie told once remains a lie. A lie told a thousand times becomes the truth.”

So, understand that when bullies project, they’ll repeat the same lie over and over again until people (even you if you aren’t careful) begin believing it.

The more you know!