Tag: relationships

6 Signs Your Date Only Wants One Thing: Bullied Girls, Dating and Relationships

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When a girl is bullied in high school, college, or the workplace, she may turn to dating, romantic relationships, and sex to compensate for the friendships she isn’t getting anywhere else and to feel accepted, wanted, and loved. Anytime a girl is bullied, she risks having her dating opportunities taken due to having their once-good reputations destroyed by the malicious gossip and smear campaigns orchestrated by their bullies.

They will meet and date partners outside of the bullying environment, which is completely okay provided the girl isn’t a minor and the partner a legal adult. What’s never okay is when the girl is so broken by bullying that she clings to having a romantic relationship as a band-aid to her feelings of loneliness and isolation and to compensate for the connection and friendship they miss out on at school or work.

And because they’ve been convinced by their bullies that they have little or no options for dating suitors, bullied girls will often drop their standards and date anyone who shows their teeth to them without observing their behavior and the way they carry themselves first because all they’re looking for is a warm body to validate them. Nothing more. It’s also the reason they rush into having sex with the person. This isn’t good!

Understand that there’s a reason why it’s always best to make your partner wait a while before having sex with him. That reason is not only to show that you have respect for yourself and your body, but also to weed out the creeps who are only looking for one thing. Because, if a guy is only interested in sex, he will NOT want to wait for it. Keep him waiting for any length of time and he’ll only break it off and move on to an easier girl.

Trust me, this is what you should want because, it he’s only wants your body, he isn’t interested in a long-term relationship and doesn’t value you like you deserve to be valued. Therefore, he doesn’t deserve to be with you in the first place.

So, how do you know if he wants a relationship or if he’s only out to get in your pants?

Here are the signs:

1. He always hounds you for sex. If ever you’re on a date and your partner gets impatient and starts belittling or harping on you to give him sex, you might want to re-evaluate the relationship and reconsider if this is the person you should be with. If your partner doesn’t respect your decision to wait and admire you as a female for not being so dang easy, then they aren’t the person you should be with.

Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers

2. Everything he talks about pertains to sex. This is a huge giveaway. If it seems that all your date can talk about is sex or anything pertaining to it, either show him the door, or head for it. Whatever you do, get rid of this creep because it’s a sign that sex is all he’s after.

2. He brags or hints about having sex with X number of girls before you. Yuck! Who wants to hear that? He’s only telling you up front that he’s a player and is actively anticipating the day he gets to score with you. Do you really want to become just another notch in his belt? No way! Give yourself the respect you deserve- get away from this dude…fast!

4. He puts down the girl he’s had sex with in the past. This idiot will make statements such as, “She was a lousy lay,” or any other remarks that put her down. Ewww! For your own peace of mind, drop this loser because, if he’ll put down a girl he’s slept with, you can be sure that he’ll say the same about you once you’ve let him have his way with you. Also, he can’t have much respect for you if he makes such statements around you- women who respect themselves do not want to hear such rubbish!

5. He undresses you with his eyes. You know that look. Or maybe you’re both talking and having fun and his eyes drop from your eyes to your breasts and seem to rest there. Again, that’s your cue to exit quickly!

6. You find out he’s addicted to porn. The last thing you need is to date a sex addict. It’s time to head for Splitsville!

Know that you are so much more than just your body and know that you deserve a partner who cherishes you for more than just your body or what you can offer him. You deserve someone who will respect your decision to wait and who will also admire and love you for it.

Real men don’t want a woman who is easy. They want a high-value woman- a woman who has morals and who respects herself enough to wait it out. They want a woman who is true to herself and who has standards. They want a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and what she’s worth.

And you’re worth so much more than just a one-night romp between the sheets. You’re worth a lifetime commitment from the right guy at the right time. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Addressing Women Who Date Lowlifes

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Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!

I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.

Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!

These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.

Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.

Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.

But why?

It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.

Also, they think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.

denial willful blindess self-deceit, willful ignorance

It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that they have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.

I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.

If you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door.

The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.

Targets and Survivors of Bullying and Self-Defeating Behavior

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Targets and many survivors of bullying have self-esteems that have been repeatedly injured, and when one’s self-esteem is injured, sometimes they will have trouble making friends and attracting suitors for dates and romance.

This can be because of two things, the person either becomes angry because they feel they were judged unfairly, or they resign themselves as social failures and withdraw.

The anger helps to protect the target’s self-esteem. Moreover, the target’s anger is heightened due to having been programmed by bad life experiences to sometimes mistake comments for insults.

If it’s constructive criticism, the target may wonder if the person doing the criticizing is trying to help them or only trying to show them that they’re smarter or implying that he (the target) is stupid.

Many targets are bullied for so long that their social development has been stunted. Therefore, many targets and survivors may be successful in everything except relationships with others. This is because they’ve been made to believe that they’re unlovable and thus, don’t trust anyone else when they show them affection and profess love.

These people only see other people’s attempts at love and friendship as manipulation because it’s what they’ve come to expect.

Many targets and survivors of bullying are often looked at as standoffish, stuck-up, or snobbish because they feel safer keeping other people at arm’s length. Because of this arm’s-length approach to social situations, people see the target or survivor of bullying as being wrapped up in themselves when, in fact, they’re insecure because of mistreatment they endure.

The unspoken message from the person is “don’t get too close” and it comes from their fear of being rejected, hurt, and worse- bullied again. So, they put on a cool front to hide their nervousness.

On top of being bullied by peers, many targets and survivors have or have had a parent overcriticize and belittle them, which only doubles the insecurity. So, they find it much safer to overprotect themselves and build a wall to keep potential enemies out. They go out of their way to avoid exposing themselves to rejection, and thus, appear to others as cold and detached.

Like anyone else, targets and survivors desire love, and they have a bigger desire for it than most. However, their intense fear of being bullied blocks them from getting that love because to get love requires a degree of vulnerability.

Being able to enjoy friendship, love, and affection means letting down your guard and taking risks. Sadly, many targets and survivors are too afraid to lower their defenses.

If this post describes you, I want you to know that I completely understand because I’ve been right where you are now. However, I can’t stress enough the importance and necessity of putting yourself out there and taking the risk.

To see positive change, you must shed this protective armor if you want to attain the friendship and love you so desire. Because the self-protective measures that you have taken are exactly what is repelling others and keeping you isolated. Being aloof and distant may indeed feel safe, but it’s also self-defeating because it keeps love out.

So, step out in faith and I promise you that you will see change you never thought possible. You’ll have good friends who will love you for simply being you. Hey! It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

😊