Tag: powerless

The Mindset Behind Physical Violence

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These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

Physical Bullies Are the Weakest of All

But that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up. They never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm. True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. When people have a choice and they choose to do something you want is so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. These people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“He never listens to me.”

“She never pays attention to me.”

“That loser is not giving me the respect he/she owes me.”

When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

Physical Bullies are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way. Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively. Maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met. And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

As Much as We May Hate Politics, We Must Acknowledge that Bullying and Politics Go Hand in Hand

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Politics is a dirty word to a lot of people. Why? Because politics is dirty in and of itself. And though many of us may hate politics, we must acknowledge that it exists and that it’s everywhere!

I completely understand why the word itself leaves such a bad taste in your mouth. It does mine as well, because I’ve been a victim of it many times in my lifetime. Let’s been real, we’ve all been victims of it at some time or another.

However, we must realize that bullying and politics go hand in hand- always! There’s office politics in the workplace and school and student politics at school as well as local, state, national, and world politics. Again, politics is everywhere. And the longer we deny it, avoid it, or pretend it doesn’t exist, the longer we will continue to get steamrolled.

Hence the term, dirty politics.

Dirty politics is used to manipulate and restructure social hierarchies, and therefore, dis-empower targeted people and groups. Understand that dirty politics, in general, is about gaining power, nothing more.

But isn’t bullying also about dis-empowering targets and centralizing power only to a few in the in-group or the highest echelons of a social hierarchy in a school, workplace, community, and on up? Of course, it is.

Bullying and politics, or, more appropriately, dirty politics, are as ugly and nasty as they are close relatives.

Now do you see the connection between bullying and politics, particularly, dirty politics? I thought that you would. Understand that bullying is dirty politics!

I’ll leave you to think on this and if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to share them in the comments below and I’ll answer them as quickly and accurately as I can.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Need You More Than You Need Them

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It’s because bullies need scapegoats. The use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia! During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were often used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or at least looked clean.

Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach, unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.

Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.

The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins, which you, yourself, are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.

Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?

The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.

They’re very much afraid that if they don’t keep up this pathetic charade, they’ll lose their power and with it, the foothold on their targets. What better way to maintain that power than to scapegoat the target?

“Blame so-and-so for my shortcomings by pointing out his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my imperfections by distracting others’ attention to his!”

“Blame so-and-so for my despicable behavior by claiming he did something to deserve it!”

“Blame Joe Blow for my pathetic incompetence and stupidity by saying that he caused me to screw up!”

“Blame so-and-so for any tiny thing that goes wrong, and I get to hitch a ride on his back to move up!”

A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person

“Because I’m number one, and Hell will freeze over before I give that up! And blaming so-and-so is so easy it shouldn’t work!”

I want you to realize that bullies, bystanders, and friends will scapegoat a target of bullying for one reason and one reason only: He has the least power to fight back!

Targets are often either naïve or exceptionally intelligent and pose the biggest threat to the bullies’ positions. If the victim is naïve, bullies will exploit his naivete to the fullest because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And people often mistake it as a sign of guilt.

Intelligent targets, bullies will undermine and wear down with constant smear campaigns, exclusion, and personal attacks. Also, smart victims will often overdo being calm, and relaxed, which can also be mistaken for guilt, because people will assume that his keeping it together is only an act and that he’s hiding something.

blame point fingers

Here’s another reason bullies need targets. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings- feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt. And when they make the victim responsible for their bad feelings, the target becomes the offender who must be punished and eliminated.

To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that their targets show them respect at all times- even while they’re abusing them. They also have the attitude that the victim should do whatever they tell them to do and make them feel powerful.

In short, bullies need the target to use as a dumping ground for all their mental and emotional issues.

Here’s a third reason, bullies and bystanders need a bottom rat to ensure that they themselves don’t end up on the bottom. If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom and will go out of their way to keep you there. Any pecking order needs whipping boys (or girls) – easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it to be of the utmost importance that you stay on the bottom and you make them look good and like the innocent party. When they brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming – that they were wronged or betrayed by your stupidity, incompetence, or evil.

If people are using you as a scapegoat, the best you can do is to get out of the environment. Just pick up and leave. Only then will you be able to preserve your dignity, your sanity, and your life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Targets of Bullying and Depression

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Depression is the lowest point a target can be driven to. Targets of bullying who are depressed have been bullied and beaten down so much, for so long that they’ve progressed downward.

First, these targets were weakened and made to feel inadequate. As the bullying continued, and, more than likely escalated, they next began to feel helpless and hopeless. As time progressed as did the bullying, these targets were driven even lower until they felt resigned. And once they felt resigned, they then sank into depression.

Why is Depression so bad?

It’ because it comes from a feeling of powerlessness. When you feel as if you have power over nothing- when you feel as if your life has been set to autopilot, it’s the epitome of hell on earth.

A depressed target doesn’t fight back because he/she has been worn down. Therefore, they resign themselves after so long. The target has been knocked down by his bullies (and life in general) too many times and they’ve finally given up. The target feels that no matter what he does and how hard he tries to remedy his circumstances, life only comes at him that much harder through his bullies.

Once a target of bullying reaches the point of severe depression, he loses the will to fight. For example, a bully will insult him, and the target will only become more depressed instead of angry. The reason for this is that the target has been brainwashed over time, by repeated and relentless attacks, to believe that he somehow deserves it, can do nothing about it, and is at the mercy of his bullies.

Bullies love picking on the depressed because they’re least likely to push back. Depressed targets see the bullying they suffer as proof of how undesirable and undeserving of happiness they are.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Understand that people who are depressed have already been diminished, so, the bullies don’t have to work so hard to bring them down. That work has already been accomplished. Therefore, all the bullies have to do is keep the target diminished. After all, it’s much easier (and a lot less time consuming) to keep someone down than it is to bring them down. It’s always easier to maintain something than to change it.

Depressed targets have often been run over by so may people that their interactions with others leave them with the belief that they’re inferior to everybody. They have such a sense of inferiority and undesirability and they often misinterpret gestures from others.

They mistake a genuine smile for pity, neutrality for aloofness, and a frown for rejection or contempt.

Targets who are depressed consciously or subconsciously berate themselves because the bullying and abuse they’ve suffered for so long and, in many cases, still suffer, has reshaped their thinking, feelings, self-evaluations, and self-belief.

I tell you these things because I was there once, and it was the lowest point of my life. And this post is for those who DO NOT understand what bullying can do and who DON’T understand depression and the sheer hell of it. Many people have been there, they understand. But sadly, there are also many who’ve never battled it and don’t understand it.

The effects of bullying and the depression it brings is heartbreaking because the target has been broken and may either remain that way, or spend years, even decades, mending and healing. But know that the target can heal.

Understand that this may require a lot of therapy, but they can reprogram themselves to regain their confidence and feel good again. They can take their lives back.

It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be hard, even exhausting at times, but will be worth it later. If you are battling depression brought about by bullying, or anything else, such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, accident, injury, or any traumatic event, know that there are people who care and can help you. You are not alone and it’s okay to not be okay.

I’m sending warm and loving thoughts and prayers your way!

It’s Too Easy to Become a Bully When You’re a Target of Bullying

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bullied singled out surrounded

It’s too easy! Because after others bully you for so long, you search for ways to take the edge off the pain, you search for a band-aid, any band-aid, as long as it takes away some of the pain, even temporarily!

Many targets become bullies themselves because they’re just plain tired of feeling powerless. They desire to have control over something- or someone! We all want to be in control of something because to have power over nothing is the very definition of hell!

And nothing renders you as powerless as being bullied by everyone. Once you become completely helpless, you’ll start looking for instant gratification and do anything to achieve some sense of power.

You’ll search for someone even weaker and dumber than you to bully and degrade because, in their cruel treatment of you, your bullies have taught you that bullying another person is what it takes and is, perhaps, the only way to achieve that feel-good sense of control and to climb the social ladder. Finding a victim of your own gives you the sense that you’re not on the bottom of the pecking order anymore. No one wants to be on the bottom.

And you think, “Why not? It’s working for them (the bullies), so it should work for you too.”

The problem with this is that bullies are weak, cowardly, and pathetic, and if you bully someone else, it shows that you’re no better than they are!

PTSD

In fact, it proves that you’re worse because you know firsthand how it feels and should know better. You must realize that no one else would feel any different than you do if it were happening to them. In fact, they may not be as resilient as you are and end up taking their own lives. Their blood would be on your hands!

I’m ashamed and sorry to have to tell you, but I did the same thing during school. Because I felt utterly powerless, I began to bully people I thought were weaker than me. I own that, and I have remorse for it now.

Take it from someone who’s tried it. If you become a bully and attack others, you may get a rush of power, but it will last only a short time. It wears off quickly. Then, you’ll be back to square one and looking for the next rush, and you’ll only seek your victim out again and again because you’ll always feel you must have more! It’s no different than being a drug addict!

And if bullying doesn’t come naturally to you, it will only eat away at your conscience!

I implore you! Instead of bullying people who look like prey, align with them. Become their friend and their protector. I guarantee you! You’ll feel much better about yourself. More importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in their lives, and there’s no better feeling than that!

Knowing that you’ve helped someone and make life better for them is more rewarding than you realize! Knowing that you were possibly the difference that kept that person from ending their own life is a feeling so wonderful, words can’t describe it! I promise you!