Tag: power dynamic

power dynamic

false sense of power meaning

False Sense of Power: Real Power versus the Fake Power of Bullying

4 Comments

‘Want to know about the false sense of power bullies have? Moreover, do you want to know about the two kinds of power and the difference between real power and fake power? Here are all the details you need to know about.

false sense of power

Most bullies have a false sense of power. In other words, they’re arrogant and think they have more power then they actually do. As Saul D Alinsky quoted in his book, “Rules for Radicals,”

“Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.”

In other words, bullies aren’t as powerful as they make you think they are. Much of your bullies’ power is mostly an illusion. Therefore, much of their power is fake.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the false sense of power. Moreover, you will learn the difference between real power and fake power. And thirdly, you’ll learn the difference between personal power and power over.

Once you learn all about these different types of power, you will feel more encouraged to stand up to your bullies and take your power back. Moreover, you’ll be compelled to expand your own power so that bullies will never bother you again.

This post is all about the false sense of power that bullies have so that it will prompt you to stand up to your bullies and take back your own power.

False Sense of Power

Real Power vs Fake Power

There is fake power and there is real power. It’s not the power bullies have. It’s the power they can make you think they have. Therefore, the power you think your bullies have is the power you give them.

Everyone knows that, deep down, at their very core, bullies are nothing but incompetent, sniveling cowards. Yet, they’re good at using force to get people to agree with them and submit to their whims.

Moreover, by using force, sometimes violence, bullies fool you into thinking you don’t have an ounce of power. However, when you allow people to hoodwink you into thinking that you are powerless, you give up your power.

Realize that the use of force is the only way bullies can have power. They draw their power by instilling terror in you. They cause you to fear their punishment. Therefore, the greater the power these bullies condition you to think they have, the more dangerous their abuse will be.

Additionally, bullies use the fear of retaliation to silence you and prevent you from telling others of their abuse. I’ll say it again, bullies are notorious for using fear and brute force to control you. However, that’s not real power.

Now, I can hear you. You are probably asking, “Well, what is real power?”

Real power is power that comes naturally and requires little effort. Here are the sources.

False Sense of Power:

Sources of Real Power (Personal Power)

1. Talents

Your natural talents and gifts are a source of real power. Why? Because you come by them naturally. Moreover, your talents give you confidence to display them.

Now, you may have talents you don’t know anything about. Therefore, if you don’t know you have them, you’re least likely to display them because you don’t know they’re there.

However, once you discover them, there’s where the power lies. And once you know you have certain talents, you’re more likely to use them to make the world a better place.

And when you can make people happy and relaxed with your talents, that’s when you have real power.

2. Emotional Intelligence (how you react to adversity)

How you react to adversity can also determine whether or not you have real power. Being able to stay calm in tough situations is a power all it’s own.

3. The right education

Knowledge is power. Period. Without knowledge, you have no power and will fall for anything. Moreover, with the right education, you’re likely to have better opportunities for great jobs. Not to mention, improved finances.

Knowledge and education are sources of real power because they are things that no one can take from you. Therefore, learn all you can!

4. False Sense of Power:

Knowing what others need and want

When you can pick up on others’ wants and needs, you have the ultimate social power. This is real power because you have the knowledge to help someone who’s in trouble. Moreover, you can also give those who are lonely a friend.

In that, you make the work a better place. Therefore, knowing others’ needs and wants is a source of real power.

5. Street smarts

Street smarts helps you to navigate difficult situations in everyday life. Moreover, when you’re street smart, you have emotional intelligence. Also, you’re able to keenly pick up on social cues and read people well.

This is real power. Why? Because people who are street smart are more likely to survive in dangerous situations.

6. Physical attractiveness

Let’s face it. Beauty is power. If you’re physically attractive, that’s a power all it’s own. Studies show that the physically attractive are more likely to get hired for good jobs and have great dating, mating, and child-bearing capabilities.

No, looks aren’t everything. In fact, you can be beautiful on the outside but ugly as hell on the inside. Moreover, many bullies are physically attractive. However, their characters suck!

Although, yes, physical attractiveness is real power, it can be used as an excuse to bully. Therefore, if you are physically attractive, make sure your personality matches your looks.

7. False Sense of Power:

Natural Charm

True charm can come natural or it can be learned and become natural. However you acquired it, if it isn’t superficial, you have a strong source of real power. Why? Because, with natural charm, you can put others at ease without trying.

Moreover, you can make them feel great about themselves. Now that’s what I call real power!

One quick note!

Bullies may also have any or all these sources of real power. However, they may use them for evil- to deceive and harm others. These bullies are the most dangerous.

False Sense of Power:

Sources of Fake Power (Power over)

1. Deception (keeping up an image)

Bullies are notorious for keeping up an impressive facade. However, understand that displaying a false persona takes work… consistent work! Therefore, this is fake power. Why?

Because you must constantly monitor yourself to keep this image of perfection. Moreover, your mask risks falling off because you’re likely to make mistakes. Then, your real personality will seep through.

Therefore, the power is fake.

2. Ultimatums

Ultimatums are sources of fake power. Why? Because they require you to use fear and force to get the other person to submit.

Moreover, there’s still no guarantee that the person will do what you want them to do. What if they’re the type who doesn’t respond to ultimatums or threats?

This is why ultimatums are sources of fake power.

3. Gaslighting

Gaslighting induces fear and self-doubt in it’s targets. Therefore, it is a form of force and coercion. Also, it’s requires consistency and hard work to keep the target under control.

Also, with the information on gaslighting that’s widely available today, the target has a chance of seeing through the mind games sooner or later. Therefore, it usually won’t last.

This is why gaslighting is a source of fake power.

4. False Sense of Power:

Bluffing

Most people know a bluff when they hear one. And some people will call a bully’s bluff. Therefore, bluffing is a source of fake power. Moreover, it is one of the weakest form of it.

5. Blocking of vital resources (food, water, money, jobs, housing, access to information, silencing of communication, money, etc.)

This is a form of fake power because this kind of power comes from coercion. Anytime a bully must use the threat of withholding bare necessities from someone to wield power over them, it’s not true power. Why? Because they’re making the person do what they want… against their will.

In other words, the person may submit but they’ll only do so for survival. Real power happens when people want to do what you want them to do. Not when you force them to.

6. Control of your thinking, words, actions, movement, etc.

This is called tyranny. Tyranny is never a source of real power. Power that comes from it is fake because, again, a tyrant forces people to obey against their will.

7. False Sense of Power:

Subjugation

Subjugation requires the use of brute force. Moreover, it demands that a bully must reinforce that power through threats and severe abuse.

Therefore, it is a source of fake power, not real power. Remember, real power comes when people are happy to do the thing you ask. In other words, the person has to be willing to fulfill a request.

With real power, there’s no need to subjugate the person by using the threat of harm.

8. Entrapment

Entrapment is fake power because the bully has the person in a place or situation they can’t escape from. For instance, let’s use the battered wife.

In many cases, the abused woman is afraid to leave or she can’t walk out on her abuser. Why? Because the abuser controls the finances. Therefore, the woman doesn’t have the funds to leave and start a life of her own.

Moreover, the abuser may threaten her life or the lives of her family. Therefore, she stays out of fear instead of her own will.

9. False Sense of Power:

Physical size and strength

This is a tricky one. Physical size and strength can be either true or fake power, depending on how a person uses it.

In other words, if a bully uses their physical size and strength to abuse, it’s not real power. Why, because no one willingly accepts abuse. They only do it under threat and coercion.

However, if a hero uses the same to rescue a baby from a burning building, then it’s real power.

10. Superficial charm

Fake can only produce fake. In other words, superficial charm is fake charm. Therefore, when you use it, you’re not getting others to comply because they want to. No.

You’re getting their cooperation through deception. Although the person may think they want to fulfill a bully’s request, if they knew the truth behind the mask, they wouldn’t want to.

Therefore, superficial charm is fake power because it, itself, is fake.

11. Position on a hierarchy (company boss, socialite, most popular kid in school, etc.)

This is another kind of power that can be either real or fake, depending on how the person uses it. If the authority member uses it for the good of everyone, then, it is real.

However, if the person uses it to do harm, then it is fake because, without that power, they wouldn’t even be a blip on most people’s radar!

Most people despise a person in authority who beats their chest and throws their weight around. Therefore, real power is when you can win hearts and minds. Being a bully doesn’t win a damn thing from people!

They may do what you want, but they’ll only do it begrudgingly. Also, a bully never knows when they just might lose that coveted position.

False Sense of Power:

the fruits of Fake power versus real power

Real power requires very little work. Whereas instilling fear and wielding force requires a lot of effort on the parts of the bullies.

Also, real power fosters trust. It makes people feel safe. While fake power violates trust and the safety and security of others. People feel threatened by fake power.

Real power is earned and acquired based on merit . Fake power is stolen and acquired by deception.

Real power comes from your innate gifts- things that can never be taken from you. Fake power comes from outer gifts, such as a high position in a company- things that can be taken from you anytime.

In short, the use of real power attracts people. The use of fake power only repels them.

Although others may seem to admire bullies, even worship them. However, they do so either because they’ve been deceived, to get something from them, or out of fear.

Fake power is superficial. And the flying monkeys and followers of a bully can evaporate so easily. I’ve seen the downfall of many a bully and the people who follow them immediately disappeared.

Therefore, you must see the bigger picture and ask yourself what sources bullies draw their power from and how they use it. You must ask yourself how much effort your bullies must expend to have the power they possess and what their motives and intentions are.

Train yourself to see behind their curtain. Most importantly, you must find ways to empower yourself without taking personal power from others.

This post is all about the false sense of power and the differences between real and fake power so that you can use this information to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

3. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

4. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

5. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

how bullies gain power at work

How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

1 Comment

‘Want to know how bullies gain power so that you can use it to your advantage and better protect yourself?

how bullies gain power

If you’ve ever been a victim of bullying, you’ve probably wondered how bullies magically do bad stuff, convince authority to side with them, and get away with it. Moreover, you’ve wondered how they seem to advance quickly and bypass any rules.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly how bullies gain power so that you can call it out and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these details, you will be able to better understand this dynamic, prepare yourself, and use it to your advantage.

This post will give you the answers to how bullies gain power so that you can know what to expect with bullies and defend yourself against them.

How bullies gain power

First, lets talk about the reasons bullies crave power.

Why Bullies Crave Power

Simple. Because it feels good.

“Power is not what you have. It’s what the enemy thinks you have.”  ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Bullies crave power like a kid craves candy, even if that power is only an illusion. And, let’s face it, power tastes delicious.

Power feels good because it gets people prestige, street cred, notoriety, and popularity. Moreover, power has a way of cushioning the ego. As we already know, most bullies lives are meaningless outside the bullying environment (school, work, community, etc.).

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions?

1. They’re notorious suck-ups.

Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side. Understand that bullies are very convincing liars and they use charm and allure to disarm authority.

Also, most people in authority love it when people suck up to them and bullies instinctively know this. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR are more likely to overlook it.

This makes it easier for them to thumb rides on others’ coattails.

Moreover, in school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. Moreover, many impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs.

Add that to their parents having connections with town and city big-shots, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

2. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Taking credit for other people’s work and ideas.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain.

However, they somehow convinced supervisors and managers that they were the brightest of the bunch. Also, the bullies were the ones who always seem to get all the promotions and bonuses.

It turned out that these creeps were taking credit for the works and ideas of others. And when I discovered this, it hit me. This is why incompetent bullies are so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Additionally, bullies undermine the accomplishments and successes of other employees. Moreover, they talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers they view as threats.

Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and worse, rewarded for it?
The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

3. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. Moreover, they’ve done it for long enough that they have learned what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they’re master manipulators who are skilled in the arts of deception.

Also, bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their atrocious behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who use charm to deceive those in authority. This brings us to number four.

4. How Bullies Gain Power:

Bullies are charming to the right people.

In other words, as mentioned in number 1, they kiss ass. But here’s another thing to consider. Bullies can weaponize this charm against their victims.

How?

Again, most bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they have ways of winning people over and making them their allies.

Therefore, with their good name, the bully has everyone (except the victim) fooled. For example, let’s look at the seemingly sweet, innocent girl who bullies another girl who threatens her position in a school.

Others want to be like her. She seems like a winner. Everyone loves her and envies her seemingly charmed life.

The bullied girl reports her. However, others just can’t believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm a fly.

Here’s another example:

Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

He seemingly comes from good family. He’s the star of the football team, has good college prospects, and his future looks bright. However, he bullies a smaller boy and beats him badly enough to send him to the hospital. All because the boy is smaller!

The bullied boys’ parents press charges. But sadly, no one believes that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

5. How Bullies Gain POwer:

Having many friends who cherish them.

Therefore, even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will act as if they didn’t see anything. In other words, they will cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

6. There is strength in numbers.

Understand that most bullies attack in groups, or more appropriately, mobs. Being in a mob gives people tremendous power and bullies know it. Therefore, people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that packs a mighty punch.

This can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless. And this stands, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

In other words, if enough people are against you, you don’t have a chance in hell.

However, know this. Individually, most bullies don’t have a life. In other words, they need the mob to prop them up. So, the power they get from being a part of a mob adds “meaning” to their lives that they could never get by any other means. Power is what gives bullies a cause and a purpose in life.

Moreover,  in a group, they can bully a target, lose themselves in the bullying, and get a degree of anonymity.

Therefore, bullies are much safer in the group. The group shields each bully from taking any responsibility for their appalling behavior. Groups provide protection from exposure and personal consequences.

How Bullies Gain Power: Each Individual member does so from the group

So, how do you fight back against a mob?

One way is to call out one or two of their members by their names and tell them to “get a grip,” “knock it off,” or “calm down.”

It’s true. I recently read this in a book about survival and it makes perfect sense. Anytime you call out a few members of a mob by their names, it brings them back to themselves by personalizing them.

What you’re doing is basically, separating them from the mob when you loudly call out their name. How I wish I’d known this earlier in life.

7. How Bullies Gain Power:

They use projection.

Bullies project all their faults and shortcomings onto their victims. In other words, they switch the roles and paint the victim as the instigator and themselves the innocent victim who was only defending themselves.

However, when that doesn’t work and they do face accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victim-hood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies, who also use feminine charm to deceive.

8. They use gaslighting.

In other words, they add their own spin to make you feel like the villain. Your bullies may lay guilt trips on you trying to convince you that you had it coming.

Also, they may try to tell you that the abuse is just your imagination. They may even tell others who will listen that you’re mentally unhinged to discredit you.

However, you must realize that bullies are masters at this. Don’t allow them to gaslight you! Don’t fall for their BS!

9. They use intimidation and fear tactics.

Bullies may threaten you with social consequences to keep you quiet. Also, they may even threaten physical violence. Moreover, they may threaten your friends or family members if you don’t comply with their wishes.

Therefore, it’s wise to pick and choose your battles. In other words, if you know the bully to be a blowhard, then don’t fall for this. However, if the bully is known to harm others’ especially go after friends and family of their victims, defend yourself with caution.

The sooner you learn all about these human predators, the more you’ll know what to look for and how to protect yourself and other innocent victims. Then, you can find ways to use your bullies’ antics as your own power.

This post was about how bullies gain power and how to recognize each power play.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

7 Comments

Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!