Tag: physical aggression

The Mindset Behind Physical Violence

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These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

Physical Bullies Are the Weakest of All

But that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up. They never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm. True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. When people have a choice and they choose to do something you want is so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. These people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“He never listens to me.”

“She never pays attention to me.”

“That loser is not giving me the respect he/she owes me.”

When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

Physical Bullies are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way. Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively. Maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met. And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Narcissistic Bullies Who Are Physically Violent

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It comes down to the bully’s views of him/herself and others. The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts. So, they go to the only problem-solving technique they’re most comfortable and familiar with- physical violence.

Physical violence is the only way they feel they can punish their targets and, therefore, restore their self-esteem.

These bullies tend to crave instant and immediate gratification and physical violence gives them that- an immediate rush of power and dominion, a thrill, a sense of control and that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. And when a target sticks up for themselves against these bullies- even if they do it verbally, or they just happen to say something, anything back to the bullies, right or wrong, it shatters the bullies’ grandiose images of themselves as tough guys who are always in the right. It makes them feel weak and stupid. Then they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving, feel superior to anyone else, and think they have innate entitlements that supersede even the most basic human rights of their targets. In other words, these bullies believe they’re entitled to harm their targets and that their targets are just supposed to “shut up and take it.” ‘Just take the abuse without protest or even question.

And when the target opposes and protests the abuse, the bullies will take it as a challenge and an insult and use forceful and violent measures to take the target down.

These people derive feelings of pleasure when beating up their targets and feel no shame unless they’re found out by the wrong people. In most cases, they are open with their violence and do not fear retaliation nor accountability because they know that most others are too scared to address the behavior and confront them.

As mentioned earlier, narcissistic physical bullies have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others because they feel their entitlements are supreme to your basic rights and they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety.

These bullies have a low threshold for frustration and will make their targets pay dearly for frustrating them. And where most people would feel guilt and shame over hurting someone, narcissistic physical bullies only feel powerful and victorious.

Sadly, there’s not much you can do to help these types of people. Narcissistic people are resistant to any help or change. And narcissists who are physically violent usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

Unless you’re a black belt, there’s also not much you can do to protect yourself from these people because the more you fight back, the more they’ll come back until they wear you down, maim you, or worse, kill you. If you are a target of a narcissistic physical bully, the only way you can ensure your safety is not only to go no contact, but either relocate, transfer schools, or find another job.