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your first line of defense against bullying in school

Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

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‘Want to know your first line of defense against bullying? The answer is so simple it may shock you.

your first line of defense against bullying

Many victims of bullying have no earthly idea what the first line of defense is because, sadly, they’ve never been taught. Or, maybe no one has taught them in a way that they would understand.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what your first line of defense against bullying is. Moreover, you will be amazed at the answer and wonder why you didn’t know it sooner.

Once you learn this simple answer, you will be able to buffer your self-esteem against the onslaught of bullies. The beauty of this is that their attacks will seem to bounce off you as if you were wearing body armor.

This post is all about your first line of defense against bullying so that you can protect your self-esteem and face your bullies confidently.

Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

Can you guess what it is? I’ll give you a hint. You can see it in both the introductory image and the featured images in this post.

For those of you who saw it, I’m proud of you. On the other hand, for those of you who are still trying to figure out what it is in the photos, I’m proud of you too. Want to know why?

Because it means you’re willing to learn and I love that! So, here goes.

Your first line of defense is…

CONFIDENCE!

Here are several reasons:

1. Confidence means self-acceptance.

When you are confident, you have complete self-acceptance. In other words, you accept yourself for all that you are- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly parts of yourself.

You’re not perfect and you’re okay with that because you know that there’s no such thing as a perfect person. Therefore, you allow yourself to make mistakes.

Moreover, you don’t mind people seeing you without your make-up from time to time. Instead, you’re comfortable completely barefaced when you’re working in the yard and your neighbors see it.

When they wave at you, you smile and wave back at them without worry.

2. Your first line of defense against bullying:

When You’re confident, you don’t care what people think.

You realize that some people don’t have lives and that they will talk smack about you. Moreover, you let them talk because you know who you are, what you want and what you like, even if they don’t.

Also, you know that everyone has their own opinion and that the weight of any opinion depends on your relationship with the person who holds it. Put another way, you don’t place as much value on the opinions of strangers, bullies, and abusers as you would of those who love you.

Therefore, you’re least likely to get offended and let it define you.

3. Having confidence means that you don’t worry about who does or does not like you.

This is a close cousin of not caring what people think. And because you don’t care what people think, you’re not out there, turning somersaults trying to score approval from anyone.

Moreover, you realize that there will always be those who don’t like you and never will. And do you know what the best part of this is? It’s that you’re perfectly okay with it.

Again, you know who you are and what good you bring even if they do not.

You have a small circle of friends and you’re satisfied with it. Moreover, you realize that it’s much better to have two or three true friends than a thousand fake ones.

Therefore, you’re happy with the buddies you have.

4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying:

When You’re Confident in who you are, you’re least likely to doubt yourself.

In other words, you trust your own instincts and can easily spot shady people when you see them. And that includes bullies.

You heed your gut any time it warns you that dangerous people are nearby or when a decision isn’t the best one.

In fact, you trust your feelings, your decisions, and your abilities.

5. When you have confidence, you’re least likely to give in to fear.

This isn’t to say that you don’t get scared sometimes because everyone does. However, you step back, analyze the fear and decide whether that fear is necessary.

For instance, let’s say that a bully at work or school tries to intimidate you. Moreover, you know that this person is a blowhard.

Therefore, instead of backing down, you stand up to the bully and tell them to piss off. Why? Because you know that bullies thrive on fear and use it to get others to give them what they want.

6. Your First Line of Defense against Bullying:

When you’re confident in yourself, you aren’t afraid to set boundaries.

In other words, when some creep tries to get in your face, talk down to you, or physically attack you, you’ll defend yourself.

You’ll either tell them to go to hell, or you’ll punch them in the nose because you refuse to be a victim. Why?

Because you’re absolutely clear with what you will and will not put up with. You know without a doubt that you deserve better. Moreover, you love yourself enough to set boundaries and to enforce those boundaries when some idiot sticks so much as a toe over them.

You give respect to others. However, you expect the same in return and won’t settle for anything less. You’re kind to others without being too nice.

In other words, you give to others. However, you won’t let them take you for granted.

7. Bullies are least likely to want to tangle with you Unless they feel threatened by you.

Now, why is that?

Because most bullies prefer to target low-hanging fruit. In other words, they’re such cowards that they prefer easy targets.

Easy targets for bullies are those with low self-esteem and those who are insecure with themselves. Bullies also like to target those they can easily intimidate and those who don’t stand up to them.

But not you! Nope!

Most bullies can sense your confidence and it only intimidates them. They know that confident people are least likely to take any shit off them.

Therefore, they’re least likely to target you. They’ll just move on to an easier target.

Now, there will be bullies who will feel threatened by you. These people will likely be those in the workplace. Therefore, they may see you as a challenge and push your boundaries.

However, you won’t be afraid to stand your ground.

8. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying:

With Confidence, you’re not afraid to have your own opinions, beliefs and convictions.

Therefore, you hold on to those values because you understand that it’s a part of who you are.

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay. Well, all these points sound good if you’re in the earliest stages of bullying and bullies are testing you to see what you’ll do. But, what if you’ve been bullied for a long time and your self-esteem is already shot to hell? Is it too late?”

To answer your questions, it depends.

Every situation is different. For instance, if you’re in the late stage of bullying, it most likely won’t work. Why? Because, by this stage, people have grown accustomed to mistreating you.

In other words, bullying you has become a habit and habits are hard to break. Therefore, you might decide that it’s better to move on to a place where you can get a fresh start.

However, if you don’t have that option, here’s what you can do:

you Take Away Your Bullies’ Power by Re-Framing the things you’re insecure about and that they exploit.

  1. For instance, you’re a kind and easy-going person and bullies see those good qualities as a sign of weakness.

You can use those traits to uplift and give support to other targets of bullies. In doing this, you will make great friends and allies.

Remember that bullies always attack in groups. Why? Because they’re weak and afraid when they’re alone.

Therefore, when you establish a group of your own, bullies will back down because you now have friends to back you up.

2. Your First Line of Defense against Bullying:

Here’s another example. You’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear.

You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk. This too gains you close friends because the other person will feel that you’re listen to them and that you care.

Moreover, they will feel that you’re interested in them and who doesn’t love that!

3. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of.

Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark and it ended up being her trademark.

These are only a few examples. Find a way to re-frame what people see as weaknesses and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you take back your power.

In Conclusion:

Confidence isn’t only your first line of defense against bullies, it’s also freedom! Therefore, how you build it is to keep company only with those who love you and want the best for you.

Also, instead of wondering if people will like you, start wondering if you’re going to like them.

This post is all about your first line of defense against bullying and all that comes with it so that you can begin building your own.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. The Perfect Victim: 9 Traits Bullies Look for in Potential Targets

3. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

4. Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

3 Reasons Targets Fear Setting Boundaries

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All too often, targets of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them. They suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. They don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. So, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it. It takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something a few bullying targets have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a target and, to them, a target has no rights and deserves no human dignity. Bullies don’t see targets as human beings deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

2. They feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people bully you for so long and brainwash you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many targets have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them. Many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why many targets cave in to the bullies’ demands. They feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. They fear the bullies will retaliate.

If you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. You know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. And they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

But what they don’t realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. You take your power back.

However!

Before you’re able to do that, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

It takes uber-confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors – those you tried in the past that failed, which are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life probably conditioned you to respond.

1. You must stop over-apologizing.

2. You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.

3. You must stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.

4. You must stop wondering what you did wrong.

5. You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.

6. You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to do any of the above mentioned.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. You must also learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels. Trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions.

It also takes dogged determination:

1. Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.

2. Even if they blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.

3. Even if they tell you that you’re crazy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t take it.

4. Even if they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t take it.

5. Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.

6. And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that! Get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages! Or, put up those dukes and throw down if you need to!

And it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

“Stop it!”

“Cut it out!”

“Knock it off!”

“Get away from me!”

“Get out!”

positive bullied victim says NO

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone. There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. You have more power than you know.

With knowledge comes empowerment!