Tag: music

8 Ways to Heal from Bullying

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Bullying is very traumatic and impacts self-esteem; it often takes many years to heal. People who’ve never endured bullying cannot comprehend how it can change your life. The good thing about leaving a toxic environment is that once you’re gone, you can begin healing and rebuilding your life. However, in many cases, it’s easier said than done.

Here are eight things you can do that can help you heal quicker:

1. Seek Therapy.

Though I realize that there’s a certain amount of stigma that goes with it, getting therapy is the best and most important thing you can do for yourself. Therefore, you must do what you must do to take care of yourself. Moreover, don’t concern yourself with the opinions of others about your care. Right now, you must do what’s best for you.

2. Rest.

When you’re fresh out of a bullying environment, you’re more than likely to be exhausted. Get plenty of sleep. Take some quiet time for yourself. Go on a walk in the park on a beautiful day, or take a pajama day. Get all the rest you can get for a few days.

3. Music.

Music is therapy in itself. Once you’ve got plenty of rest, put in some easy listening for relaxation, maybe some slow jams like TLC or Keith Sweat? Or pop in some dance grooves and rock and roll to make you feel upbeat and like dancing.

There’s nothing that lifts the mood like shaking your booty around the house to some Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul hits or rocking out to some Van Halen, Judas Priest, or Def Leppard. Whatever your taste in music, you’ll feel much better when you do. So get out those CD’s or stream some music on your computer.

4. Lean on the people who love you.

When you’re recovering from bullying and a toxic environment, one of the most important things you need is a network of love and support to balance the positive with the negative. Therefore, keep company with the people who uplift you, love you, and make you feel good. It’ll help you salvage the confidence you’ve lost.

5. Do things you enjoy most.

Indulge in your hobbies and favorite activities. Hobbies allow us to be creative. Therefore, if you create, you feel accomplished! So, rake in those little successes! You’ll feel so much better!

6. Exercise.

Exercise is a major stress-buster. And you can get rid of all that negative energy like anger and depression by sweating it out either in the gym or, if you don’t feel like going anywhere, a workout DVD.

7. Take a trip.

After being in a toxic environment for so long, sometimes, we need to get away for a while. Visit a family member in another state. Embark on a camping trip in the mountains or hit the beach and relax in the sun as you listen to the sounds of seagulls and crashing waves. I guarantee that you’ll return home feeling much, much better!

8. Treat yourself to a day or night out with the guys or gals.

You and your pals could go to a concert or out to lunch or dinner. Maybe go window shopping or to a bar and listen to a live band. In other words, don’t isolate yourself. Get out and have fun. Because sometimes it pays to go out and paint the town red!

Just go easy on the drinks, as alcohol is a depressant!

Healing can take a while to do and may also take much work. But in the end, it’ll be worth it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Heide’s Story of Survival

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Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.

This is my story—of oppression, of getting through, of moving on—my survival story.
Looking back on the events of my life, I realize that the hurt I’ve dealt with was due to extreme neglect as a child. Our parents’ loved their children to the best of their ability; however, my mother suffered from major depression, to the point where she was slowly giving up on life. And, in my father’s case, his own father had left him when he was young.
A Survivor of Neglect
No one had taught my mother and father how to be good parents. As a child, I had very little to no supervision. My mother was very carefree with us. One memory I retain was when I was four years old. I was swimming in a lake, and a neighbor frantically called my mom to let her know I was out there.
My mother’s response was to ask her to just send me home. To this day, my family and I laugh about it, but looking back, it was extremely neglectful on my mother’s part.
As I started school, kids were very mean. I was teased, spat on; I was not picked for teams in gym, and I often sat alone at lunch. Teachers would not say anything to stop it. I felt scared to go to school and terrified to ride the bus. I truly hated elementary and middle school. I hardly had any friends, and the ones I thought were my friends were often two-faced.
In seventh grade, I was at a friend’s house, in her basement, and a girl with rings on physically beat me up, holding me down and punching me repeatedly in the face. There was a boy watching and swinging a knife around, laughing. Then I had to walk two miles home in the dark, alone, after being beat up. When I got home, my mother was lying in bed, asleep, with no idea I hadn’t been home.
Inner Strength In Spite of Her Bullied Past

Looking back, I was severely neglected, and it wasn’t a nurturing, caring living environment. When my mother was not working, she was sleeping. Now and then she did things to take care of us, but most of the time, we ran the streets and fended for ourselves.
Sadly, she passed away from breast cancer when I was thirteen.
Over the years of neglect, I developed many insecurities.
I now realize the trauma I dealt with made it difficult to socialize with other children as well. My sisters and I came from a poor upbringing, and I truly believe that is one of the reasons as to why I was made fun of and rejected growing up.
Many years later, I was diagnosed with ADD/OCD and anxiety. I had these brain-based challenges my entire life but did not realize it at the time.
The Effects of Trauma
OCD/ADD causes individuals to be impulsive, to have less patience around others, and to overthink everything. These tendencies can cause people to react to you in a way you may not deserve, but it’s unfortunately a result of struggling with mental health issues.
These issues were key as to why I heavily grieved over losing my mother, why I chose relationships that kept me feeling “vulnerable,” and why I always felt so alone.
I even allowed my ex-husband to control everything in our marriage. I wanted to feel safe, but this led to various forms of abuse. In 2015, I became a single mother, and even though I was scared of failing and struggled financially, I had to learn how to do everything on my own. Though difficult, I became a strong woman and a mother, and I was finally happy.
positive bullied victim says NO
These foundations of my identity, as well as my faith, helped me feel secure and that true hope could be fulfilled. To this day, I still struggle with self-esteem issues, anxiety, and some seasonal depression; however, I choose to see other people’s needs instead of focusing on my own negative emotions.
The Courage to Leave an Abusive Marriage
My goal is to use my past hurts to bring them hope. I have a motto for myself: “I’m the glass half full kinda girl.”
Year ago, when I shared my story, others would often say, “I don’t remember you being bullied, when/who bullied you?” Questions like these caused me to question the validity of the pain I felt and made me think I had no right to use the word “abuse/bullied” to describe my pain.
However, as I dealt with all of the denial, anger, blame, sadness, and grief over the years, I realized I indeed had the right to feel everything I did, and no person could take that away from me.
That emotional strength and security has made me want to make a positive out of EVERY negative. Recently, I reached out to the girl that beat me up in the seventh grade and I reminded her of the events that happened. She did not even remember and explained how much hurt she was going through at the time.
She apologized, I told her I forgave her, and now we are friends and talk from time to time. So you see, I chose to use my pain to inspire others and show them that there IS hope, no matter what you go through in life.
Resilience
Sometime it is as simple as saying hello to random people on the street, calling others by their names, making sure to wear a smile often, and going out of my way to be a friend to ANYONE who needs one. This is especially important to me, since I lost my brother in 2018 to suicide.
I know I suffered a lot of loss and hardships in life, but I know that others have suffered quite a lot more. We all experience different things, and what’s important is not how others think we’ve lived, but instead how we ourselves experience life.
I TRULY believe if I can share—or sing, a passion of mine—my story and save a life or even inspire one person, then it makes it worth going through all of this pain and coming out the other side.
A Passion for Music
Heide has a lovely singing voice! You can check out her single, “Bulletproof,” here!

Using Music to Cope with Bullying

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During the years I was bullied in school, I’d come Home in the afternoon, and take refuge in my bedroom. I would then turn on my stereo or play one of my cassette tapes (they were the thing back then) and get lost in the music.

I was a Prince fan and hairband girl. I’d put in one of my Prince,  Dokken, Motley Crue, Ratt, Judas Priest, or Skid Row tapes and rock out in the privacy of my bedroom. I would turn the music up full blast and have it blaring so loud the entire house shook.

Other days, I’d come home and boogie down to some Janet Jackson, Al B. Sure, Salt N Pepa, or Paula Abdul. I was into New Jack Swing hip-hop as well. And sometimes I listened to softer rock on the stereo, “Money for Nothing,” by Dire Straits, “Tell Me Lies” by Fleetwood Mac, or Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love.”

For me, listening to music always helped me recover from a bad day and made me feel great. There was nothing like bebopping all over the floor in my bedroom to the beat of a great song. It seemed to make all my troubles and worries disappear. It was what made me feel alive!

Today, I still listen to those songs either through my music downloads, on YouTube, or I play one of my numerous Prince CDs.

The music of today just doesn’t have it- doesn’t have the heart and soul it used to. The music of today is all about “me me me- all eyes on me” and is doused with blatant, in-your-face sexual profanity, or it’s pity-party music, as I like to call it. Yuck! Who wants to hear that?

The music of my day was music that you could let your kids listen to without fear. Here are a few more reasons I prefer old rock over this new crap.

1.Rock music from my era was about having a good time. It made you want to jump up and shout! New rock is too emo- it’s about “my partner left, and now I want to die,” or “Mommy and Daddy didn’t love me enough, and now I’m one messed up individual.” No thanks.

2. Old rock didn’t have the blunt vulgarity that today’s rock has. What profanity we had in my day was more innuendo that went over the heads of most small children. Sadly, some of the lyrics in today’s songs are downright cringeworthy.

3. I like old stuff. Old songs take me back to a time when life was much simpler.

4. Surprisingly, I’ve noticed that many of today’s young people listen to music from my generation, which is refreshing! Because you know the music’s good if your kids like it too. My oldest son loves AC/DC and Ozzy Osborne, and just the other day, I had the pleasure of seeing a car full of teens riding around with Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” blaring from their car stereo. Now that put a smile on my face!

‘You see? Back when I was young, if we were caught listening to music from our parents’ generation, we’d be ridiculed so hard by our friends and peers we’d never want to show our faces in public again. So, knowing that kids still dig music from our day is truly amazing!

Music is great medicine and has always picked me up. I can say without a doubt that I’ll be a devout music lover until the day I close my eyes!

Are there any music lovers out there among my community of blogger friends and readers? Feel free to comment.

Listening to The Great George Benson as I Blog

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One of the great things about blogging is the ability to listen to good music while you do it! Thank the Lord for writing and music! 😀 <3

To be able to do two things you love at the same time is a blessing!

“Gimme the Night” (1980)

“Let Me Love You One More Time” (1983)

“20/20” (1984)

“Shiver” (1986)

“Turn Your Love Around” (1981)

5 Things You Can Do to Lift Your Spirits

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We all have days when we feel down in the dumps. Fortunately, there are things you can do to remedy your situation and chase those doldrums away!

1. Listen to good music – There’s nothing that cures your ills like boogying down to some good dance music or rocking out to the sounds of your favorite rock bands. There something about music that makes us come alive and want to get up and move! So, put on some good tunes and shake your butt!

 2. Go for a walk – Going on a good nature walk on a beautiful Spring day lifts the spirits and feels so good. Walking is also one of the best exercises there is, so, there are physical health benefits to it as well.

 3. Indulge in your hobbies – working on and completing your hobbies brings out your creative side and gives you the feeling of success and accomplishment. It gives you pride in yourself and in your abilities. And who doesn’t love that?

 4. Surround yourself with your favorite people – Being around the people you love, who love you, and who lift you up feeds your soul like nothing else. When you get together with your loved ones, you know you belong, and you get that much needed sense of belonging and togetherness.

 5. Fix yourself up – As the old saying goes, when you look good, you feel good. When you take pride in your appearance, it shows. Looking your best has a way of building your confidence and your self-esteem. And it also has a way of spreading to others.

The good thing as that you have options. Do any one of these things and watch your mood skyrocket in just minutes. You’ll be glad you did. I promise!

Songs and Nostalgia

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Songs tend to arouse memories of certain times in my life- when I was in school, graduation, when I had my children, etc. They take me back to a time that was much simpler, and freer.

“Say Say Say” Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney. 1983

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b52bFiltuA

“Vogue” Madonna (1990) This song takes me back to just before high school graduation, having just married and being six months pregnant with my first child.

“Hit by love” by CeeCee Peniston and “Too Funky” by George Michael take me back to when my second child was born. When I was in labor, I needed a focal point to keep my mind off the contractions which seemed to engulf me. In the hospital, the TV in my room and I asked the nurse to turn the channel to VH1 where I could use the music as a distraction. The videos to these two songs played.

I kept my eyes focused on the TV as I did my breathing, which went something like,

“Hee-hee-hee-hee-hooooo. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hooooo!” It definitely helped. LOL

Do you have songs that take you back in time? Perhaps to special life events that happened in your life? Feel free to comment below?

Guest Post: The Bullying Battle- “The Things You Do” by Leon Stevens

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I’m very honored that Leon Stevens gave me permission to repost his blog about bullying. He is a very talented blogger, songwriter, and musician!

Keep up the awesome work, Leon!

By Leon Stevens Dec. 9, 2020:

I have been reposting (and reworking) some of my earlier blogs-just to get everyone caught up with what I am about. Here is one with a message that has been repeated many times over, but unfortunately bears repeating.

People can be mean. Real mean. From kids to adolescents to adults, it still amazes me when I witness bullying behaviour. I wrote The Things You Do after observing grown men acting like typical schoolyard bullies.

You know the ones. the ones in the movies and T.V. shows that when you think about it, is pretty real in today’s schools (still). Some kids learn it from home, others from their peers, and popular culture, and most-thankfully-grow out of it.

Credit goes to all the teachers who, on top of all the subjects they teach, also have to teach empathy and humanitarianism-from kindergarten and up.

As a musician, I wrote. Not being much for performing, I decided to record it (also not my forte). It was missing something though. Rudimentary graphics! I pulled out my gel pen and drew what I envisioned-like a storyboard. I’m cheap, so I downloaded a free video editor and a week later, Voila!

So, I hope that you enjoy the message.

Thanks for stickin’ around.

-Leon

How Music Helped Me Cope with Bullying

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music

During the years I was bullied in school, I’d come home in the afternoon, and take refuge in my bedroom. I would then turn on my stereo or play one of my cassette tapes and get lost in the music.

I was a huge Prince fan and hairband girl. I’d put in one of my Dokken, Motley Crue, Ratt, or Skid Row tapes and rock out in the privacy of my bedroom. I would turn the music up full blast and have it blaring so loud the entire house shook.

Other days, I’d come home and boogie down to some Janet Jackson, Al B. Sure, Salt N Pepa, or Paula Abdul. I was into New Jack Swing hip-hop as well. And sometimes I listened to softer rock on the stereo, “Money for Nothing,” by Dire Straits, or Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love.”

For me, listening to music always helped me recover from a bad day and made me feel great. There was nothing like dancing and bopping all over my bedroom to the beat of a great song. It seemed to make all my troubles and worries disappear. It was what made me feel alive!

Today, I still listen to those songs either through my music downloads, on YouTube, or I play one of my numerous Prince CDs.

The music of today just doesn’t have it- it doesn’t have the heart and soul that it used to. The music of today is all about “me me me- all eyes on me” and is doused with blatant, in-your-face sexual profanity, or it’s pity-party music, as I like to call it. Yuck! Who wants to hear that?

The music of my day was music that you could let your kids listen to without fear. Here are a few more reasons I prefer old rock over this new crap.

  1. Rock music from my era was about having a good time. It made you want to jump up and shout! New rock is too emo- it’s about “my partner left, and now I want to die,” or “Mommy and Daddy didn’t love me enough, and now I’m one messed up individual.” No thanks.

 

  1. Old rock didn’t have the blunt vulgarity that today’s rock has. What profanity we had in my day was mostly innuendo that went over the heads of most small children. Sadly, some of the lyrics in today’s songs are downright cringe worthy.

 

  1. By the standards and opinions of most teens and twenty-somethings, I’m a fossil (though I don’t feel like one). I like old stuff. Old songs take me back to a time when life was much simpler.

 

  1. Surprisingly, I’ve noticed that many of today’s young people listen to music from my generation, which is refreshing! Because you know the music’s good if your kids like it too. My oldest son loves AC/DC and Ozzy Osborne, and just the other day, I had the pleasure of seeing a car full of teens riding around with Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” blaring from their car stereo. Now that put a smile on my face!

‘You see? Back when I was young, if we were caught listening to music from our parent’s generation, we’d be ridiculed so hard by our friends and peers that we’d never want to show our faces in public again. So, knowing that kids still dig music from our day is truly amazing!

Music is great medicine and has always picked me up. I can say without a doubt that I’ll be a devout music lover until the day I close my eyes!

Are there any music lovers out there among my community of blogger friends and readers? Feel free to comment.