How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

July 15, 2025July 17, 20255 Comments

‘Want to know how to love yourself when everyone hates you. It won’t be easy, but here are some things you can do to keep loving who you are when it seems others don’t.

Continuing to love yourself is the most important thing you can do when you’re stuck in a place where everyone else hates you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to love yourself when everyone hates you so that you can maintain your confidence and self-esteem.

Once you learn all about these crucial tips, your self-esteem won’t take such a big hit, and you’ll come away from it with minimal damage to your psyche.

This post teaches you how to love yourself when everyone hates you, so that you can preserve the most precious things you have- your confidence and self-esteem.

How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You

Life can get tough when you work or go to school in an environment where everyone else hates you. Here are twelve tips you can use to maintain self-love and protect your mental health.

1. Practice self-compassion.

In other words, treat yourself with the same kindness you would give to your best friend. When you practice self-compassion, you eliminate negative self-talk and encourage your inner voice to speak to you in a kind and gentle manner.

Also, you practice positive thinking. Look for the bright side when bad things happen or when people treat you unkindly. Maybe they’re jealous of an achievement you made.

Another part of self-compassion is re-framing every negative thing your bullies say to you. For instance, if a bully tells you that you’re no good, you reframe it. How? You do it by telling yourself that the bully is only projecting their own self-hatred onto you.

2. Practice self-care

If you don’t put yourself first, you’ll only end up finishing last. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential! When you love yourself enough to take care of yourself, you boost your self-esteem and feel better about yourself.

So, how do you practice self-care? There are several ways to do so.

Practicing self-care means setting boundaries and saying no when necessary. It means prioritizing your own needs before those of others. Additionally, practicing self-care means treating yourself occasionally and engaging in activities you enjoy.

When you’re around those who hate you and want to harm you, you must make yourself top priority. And to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.

3. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Be Yourself

If you continue to be yourself even when others try to change you, you keep your power. On the other hand, when you put on fronts to win approval from others, you only give it away. And you place it in the hands of people who couldn’t care less about you.

So, be yourself and think independently. Stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them. Start doing what you enjoy. Avoid the people who drain your energy and make you feel bad.

This is how you reclaim control of your life and start living life on your terms.

4. Walk away from toxic people

And be willing to walk away from those you care about if they don’t treat you with the same goodness in return. If they’re toxic family members whom you love, the hardest thing you can do is walk away. I understand that.

Loving yourself means making some tough decisions. Sometimes, you have to walk away from people you love and care about. And you must do it knowing full well that there is always a chance that they may never see your worth.

This means letting go of the outcome. In other words, you must come to the point where you no longer care even the slightest about the results.

However, if it’s a family member, there’s a strong chance that your choosing to walk away may shock the person. Moreover, they may suddenly realize your value and regret having taken you for granted. And they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

But! If it doesn’t, don’t feel guilty. Realize that you didn’t turn your back because you did not love them. You did it only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

5. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Stop caring what other people think

When you care too much about what others think, you make yourself a slave to them. You jump through hoops to prove your worth. You say yes all the time because you won’t have the guts to say no.

Additionally, you may do things you don’t want to do and agree with things that contradict your beliefs. And you sacrifice your time, energy, and resources for people who only take you for granted.

You fall for their lies accept their crappy behavior to avoid conflict. Consequently, others notice, and they only see you as a doormat. Then, they lose respect for you.

So, buck up and stop giving undue value to other people’s opinions. Stop wondering if they like you and start asking yourself if you like them!

Instead of making everything about what others think, start making it about what you think! That’s how you take your power back!

6. Keep a journal or diary

Keeping a daily journal is one of the healthiest things you can do! Moreover, it’s even more critical when you deal with bullies and other people who hate you.

Keeping a journal allows you to document any instances of bullying and aggression. Moreover, it’s the best outlet you have when you have no one to turn to.

7. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Treat Yourself every now and again

There are many ways to treat yourself. For instance, you can go on a trip to the beach. If you’d rather stay home, you can treat yourself to a long soak in the bathtub with bubbles or a bath bomb.

You can even curl up in front of the fireplace and read a good book. However you like to treat yourself, do it. You’ll feel so much better when you do.

8. Take care of your health and hygiene

Taking care of your physical and mental health is of the utmost importance when you’re being bullied by people who hate you. In other words, exercise and eat healthy.

Eating a healthy diet provides the fuel you need to cope with life’s challenges. And when you pair that with exercise, you keep up your stamina.

And here’s another important point about exercise. It releases endorphins, these feel-good hormones that instantly lift your spirits.

Also, you must keep yourself clean. Bath often. Why? Because it helps you relax. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel after a good bath or shower.

9. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Dress your BEST.

Taking pride in your appearance is crucial when you’re being bullied. If you look good, you feel good. Therefore, practice good grooming and dressing habits. The better you dress, the better you feel.

And here’s another point I want to make. The way you dress and the style you choose give you a little bit of control over your life. It’s true!

So, continue to dress well. Do not let yourself go! You will be amazed at what this does for your self-esteem.

10. Make Positive Affirmations

To make positive affirmations, create loving ‘I-Am’ statements to yourself every day. For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am a great person,” “I am smart,” “I am beautiful,” and so on.

This is how you protect your confidence and self-esteem when people mistreat you. And you would be amazed at how much better it makes you feel about yourself!

11. Do the things that make you happy and fill your soul

Indulge in your hobbies. Do the things you enjoy the most. When you’re too busy doing the things you love, you won’t have time to think about your bullies and how they treat you.

In other words, you won’t dwell on their abuse and feel sorry for yourself. Self-pity is the killer of confidence. Therefore, do the things you love most, and you’ll keep your confidence from spiraling downward.

12. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

See through their hatred of you.

Realize that their hatred hurts them more than it does you. Hate will fool you. Why? Because when a person hates someone, the person they hate either doesn’t know about it or they don’t care.

Therefore, realize that your bullies’ hatred of you is fruitless. It isn’t getting them anywhere. The only thing it does is rot out their very souls.

While they’re burning with their hatred of you, you’re going about your business and living your life. Even worse for them, you’re living your life in peace. You’re doing the things you enjoy and taking care of yourself.

Therefore, your bullies are wasting their time and energy hating on you. Moreover, they only cause themselves misery.

So, let them hate.

In Conclusion:

One of the hardest things to do is to love yourself when everyone hates you. However, you must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others to validate you. Let love come from within!

That means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go. It also means doing everything you can to take care of yourself and maintain your happiness and fulfillment.

This post was all about how to love yourself when everyone hates you so that you can be more resilient and resistant to the attacks of bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

2. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

3. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

4. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

5. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

July 8, 2025July 4, 20255 Comments

The subject of workplace mobbing is common but we barely hear or read about mobbing in schools. Sadly, it happens a lot more than we know. If you want to know the warning signs that bullying at school has progressed to mobbing, read further.

Bullying can become chronic when the bullying has gone on over time. Also, it tends to escalate until it reaches to dangerous levels and epic proportions.

In this post, you will learn about mobbing in schools and all the warning signs that the bullying you suffer at school has gotten out of control.

Once you learn about all these symptoms, you will know that you’re, in fact, being mobbed. Also, you will better be able to make the right decisions and take the right steps to ensure your safety.

This post is all about mobbing in schools so that you can understand what’s happening to you and take the appropriate measures to protect yourself from further harm.

mobbing in schools

Before we get into the warning signs, let’s further explain this type of bullying so that you can get a better understanding of what you or someone you know is dealing with.

Chronic Bullying (bullying that has lasted for over a year) has a strong chance of progressing to mobbing. Several people have described mobbing as bullying on steroids.

Bullying becomes mobbing once bullies have skyrocketed the torment and begun pursuing their targets obsessively and non-stop. Moreover, you bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed by authority.

As a result, your bullies have now become so brazen that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

Now, it seems that everyone is bullying you for everything. Furthermore, the apathy they hold has grown such that the only feelings they have for you are fury and blind hatred.

In other words, the entire student body, even several teachers lose all humanity toward you.

The prevailing attitude is that anything they do to you, no matter how cruel or how dangerous is a good thing. Why? Because, in their minds, you have no value as a human being, and you life is worth nothing.

mobbing in schools: the entire student body, even several teachers lose all humanity toward you.

People who bully to these extremes usually have tons of followers and minions backing them. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work. It is when the bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies and the vast majority of the school are seemingly drunk on hate. Moreover, the bullying and torment of you seem to be all they can focus on.

Instead of the bullies (and virtually everyone else) controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them. The alumni are seemingly enslaved by hatred and blinded by senseless rage.

They have become so addicted to power and control that the torture they inflict is constant. Put another way, they can’t get enough of the high this power gives them.

Therefore, realize that, in a case of school mobbing, the bullying has progressed beyond disrespect and ridicule. Moreover, your classmates don’t see you as an equal nor do they see you as a little bit different.

They see you as so worthless that you don’t deserve to breathe the same air as them. In fact, many of them may feel you don’t even deserve to breathe at all!

This is why school mobbing is so dangerous because you run the chance of either breaking and dying by suicide or being murdered by someone at school.

In short, the intense hatred and blind rage of your school mates and a few staff reach levels of derangement!

It seems that everyone at school has become deranged.

Derangement happens when the hatred and outrage toward you reaches a fever pitch. Also, for everyone else, the unwritten rule becomes to believe the lies about you or to act like it. Why? Because their safety depends on it!

To keep from becoming targets themselves, everyone outside the bully/victim relationship must believe the lies without question or without even blinking!

Moreover, they must believe it as long as it’s negative. And the more negative and condemning the rumors, the better and more suiting and convenient.

People will also believe the lies, no matter how ridiculous they may sound. Therefore, anytime you hear lies that sound absolutely and utterly absurd to any rational and sane person, that’s when you know that derangement has taken hold!

In short, if you’re a target of other peoples derangement, you are, in a sense, burned in effigy!

9 Warning signs of mobbing in schools

1. Others seem to jump at the chance to diminish anything positive about you.

If you do a good deed that is either visible or gets positive recognition, others in the school will only disregard it and make statements such as:

“She’s only trying to score brownie points, kiss ass, (etc.).”
“Haha! He’s just doing that because he thinks it’s going to get him on everyone’s good side!”

When the target reaches a success, others will only rain on it, saying things like:

“Oh, God! Anyone could’ve accomplished that!”
“He’s trying to show out! He thinks he’s so special!”
“She only did that to make herself look good.”

2. People in the school are open with their brutality against the target.

Bullies, their followers, and any other bystander who wants to join in the mistreatment won’t even try to hide it anymore. Why?

Because they know that those in authority won’t do anything about it. Therefore, staff have insulated them from any accountability.

Any abuse toward you is widely accepted, encouraged, and even celebrated!

Moreover, they know that if anyone even dares to speak out for you or help you, that person will suffer mobbing right along with you.

Therefore, know that when others openly abuse you, it’s gotten to a very dangerous level! You might even wonder what they’re likely to do to you next if they can brutalize you so openly.

3. Warning signs of mobbing in schools. People in the toxic environment are blinded by their own hatred of you.

In other words, schoolmates don’t know why they hate you so intensely. They just do.

If anyone on the outside were to ask them what you did or said to them to make them hate you so much, they either wouldn’t be able to answer them at all. Also, they would throw just any ridiculous answer out there, without having the goods to back it up.

Moreover, they’ll hope to the heavens that the person asking is lazy and won’t press the issue further, or worse- (gasp!) challenge them to provide evidence that you’re such a despicable and deplorable person.

They’ll use ad hominem responses such as:

“Because she’s just a bitch and I hate her”
“Because I just hate the bitch!”
“Because he just rubs me the wrong way!”
“Because he’s a jerk and a know-it-all!”

And be prepared for your haters to viciously attack the person asking the questions. Why? Because the person asking the questions poses the threat of making them look like the demonic monsters they are!

4. These people will be intensely angry each time anything positive comes your way.

For example, if you win an award, they may not say it to you, but you’ll see it in their faces and body language. They also may talk through their teeth to one another as their eyes blaze at you.

5. They’ll try to destroy your good mood because they’ll hate the possibility that you might be happy and feel good.

If they see you so much as laugh or crack a smile, here are a few responses you’re likely to hear from them:

“What the hell are you laughing about!”
“What the @&%# are you smiling about!”
“What have you got to be so happy about, bitch!”
“Shut up, asshole! You laugh like a hyena!”
“I don’t see anything funny!”
“I wish she’d wipe that goofy smile off her face!”

6. warning signs of mobbing in schools: Your classmates will shout you down and tell you to shut up, every time you even look like you’re about to open your mouth.

Understand that, in their minds, you don’t deserve to be heard, nor have the right to speak.

7. They’ll all rise against you when you defend yourself.

When you have “the audacity” to stand up to them, they’ll punish you for it. In other words, once you assert your right not to be abused, they will all gang up on you.

They’ll try to gaslight you into believing you asked for the abuse. Moreover, your schoolmates will smear you to others.

If that doesn’t silence you, the next step is a brutal physical attack. Always! If they can’t bring you down emotionally, they will do it physically and no one will jump in to help you. I’ve seen this happen and have had it happen to me.

8. They will watch you like a hawk.

Understand that they and everyone else in the bullying environment will be watching you very closely- looking for a reason to attack you. In other words, they’ll wait for you to screw up even the tiniest bit!

They will then beat you down with your mistake and never let you hear the end of it.

Realize that these people are only looking for the slightest infraction to maximize and use against you. They will twist, spin, or add to the most trivial thing you do that’s not quite right to make it bigger and more severe.

For example, if you do something as minuscule as knocking over a glass of milk, others will make it into a Federal case and they’ll swear you did it deliberately.

9. warning signs of mobbing in schools: You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

In other words, if they see you talking to a potential date, they’ll swear up and down you’re trying to get laid. But if you happen to be saving yourself for your wedding night, they’ll only call you a prude.

If you take one sip of wine, they’ll call you a sloppy, fall-down drunk. But if you don’t drink, they’ll call you a party-pooper or a stick in the mud. They’ll make statements like, “Well, he just doesn’t know how to have a good time!”

In conclusion

You must realize that when it gets this bad and seems to permeate the whole of the environment, the hatred and contempt for you reaches such a crescendo that it’s has turned into mass mental illness in those around you.

Therefore, at this point, it more than likely won’t get better. It will only get worse until either one of them murders you or forces you to do it yourself.

At this juncture, the best thing you can do for yourself is to run! These people are dangerous and you must get as far away from them and stay away! Keep these schoolmates out of your life because these are people you’ll never be safe around!

It may or may not be feasible. But find a way to transfer to another school or convince your parents to move to another area. Maybe ask them to allow you to go live with an aunt or uncle in another school district.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind. Moreover, you will get to start fresh in a new place, where you can finally relax and be yourself.

This post was all about mobbing in schools and signs of it so that you will finally know what to do if you even face that situation.

Related posts you’ll enjoy

1. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

2. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

Bullying or Mobbing?

July 1, 2025July 8, 202535 Comments

‘Want to know if it’s bullying or mobbing? Here are all the signs you need to know.

Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time and has escalated such that it has now reached a dangerous level. In short, bullying has reached epic proportions.

This is when bullying can become mobbing.

In this post, you will learn how to tell whether you suffer bullying or mobbing so that you can recognize the difference.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to see the difference and take the appropriate steps to ensure your safety.

This post is all about how to tell if what you’re enduring is bullying or mobbing. This is so you can decide whether you should keep fighting or cut your losses and leave the environment to be safe again.

Bullying or Mobbing

When there’s chronic bullying, bullies have grown so comfortable with bullying you that they skyrocket the torment. Also, they will pursue you obsessively and non-stop.

Where there’s chronic bullying, there’s no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s simply no incentive to stop.

What is chronic bullying?

Chronic bullying is bullying that has gone on for a long period of time. This type of bullying has usually been happening for several years.

Chronic bullying happens once the bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed. In other words, no one has spoken up about it. Moreover, no one has ever held your bullies accountable for the way they’ve treated you.

Therefore, the bullies have gotten away with it. And, because they’ve gotten away with it, they’ve grown more bold in their attacks.

In other words, your bullies have become brazen. In fact, they’ve become so cocky, and encouraged that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

This is because others have have probably supported your bullies’ behavior. Therefore, they only encourage them to bully you more.

Bullying or Mobbing:

Chronic Bullying Becomes Mobbing.

After bullies have bullied you for many years, their apathy toward you has grown until they have lost all empathy. In that, they’ve come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward you.

They now have the attitude that anything they do to you, no matter how cruel, is okay. Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing.

Understand that when bullying becomes mobbing, they don’t look at you as a human being. They only see you as so worthless and inferior that, you don’t deserve oxygen, much less any respect.

This is why this type of bullying is dangerous. Because, if you’re a victim of it, you have a high probability of either dying by suicide or murder. Yes, bullies do murder their victims.

When it’s bullying, you may have one person or a small group bullying you. When it’s mobbing, almost everyone bullies you.

Bullies who bully to these extremes usually have droves of followers and minions backing them up. As time comes on, they enlist more members of their following to do their dirty work.

The bullying gets this out of control, it becomes so ingrained and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies are seemingly drunk on their own power and hatred that the bullying and torment of you seem to be all the bullies can focus on. Everyone else bullies you too.

They’re like a swarm of angry bees that won’t stop chasing you and stinging you.

Bullying or Mobbing:

The Swarm Effect.

When bullies target you, others may also target you too. For instance, if one person bullies you, then soon, you’ll have two bullying you. Then, four, then six! And the number of bullies continues to increase.

And, before you know it, everyone is targeting you.

The reason others jump in on the fun of bullying you is because they want to feel like they’re a part of a group.

Again, when everyone begins bullying you, that’s when you know that the bullying has progressed to mobbing.

Other signs of mobbing.

Other signs of mobbing include high emotions like, intense anger and blind hatred. In other words, the mob can no longer control themselves.

Instead of the mob controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions control them! The bullies are controlled by hatred and blinded by senseless rage.

They have become so addicted to power and control that the bullying becomes constant. It has to for the bullies to get their fix and maintain the high that power gives them.

Understand that, by the time bullying becomes mobbing, others no longer see you as a human being. Instead, they see you as so worthless and inferior that you don’t deserve the time of day, much less any respect.

As far as they’re concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them! In fact, you don’t deserve to breathe, period!

This is why chronic bullying can be especially dangerous to the target because the victim runs the chance of either breaking and dying of suicide or being murdered by their bullies.

Bullying or Mobbing:

Why mobbing can be the most dangerous.

When bullying progresses to mobbing, things can get dangerous very quickly. Also, mobbing is difficult to control.

This is because, in a case of mobbing, the mob’s emotions are so out of control that any logic goes out the window. Moreover, it blocks their ability to reason.

Their logical brain shuts down and their primal brain takes over. They’re like a pack of wild dogs who surround their prey.

Therefore, the mob’s first instinct is to tear you apart!

The power of vicious people in large groups.

Strength always comes in numbers. Moreover, when you have a large number of people who are out to get you, you don’t have a chance.

One person can’t stand up against a mob of five or more people. And most schools have anywhere from a hundred to five thousand students. Companies can have 10 employees or they can employ over ten thousand workers.

Again, if you’re mobbed in a school of five hundred students or a company with a thousand workers, you don’t have a prayer!

Why? Because a large mob has a collective power that’s impossible to stand against.

Bullying or Mobbing:

So, what can you do?

This is why it’s so important to get out anytime bullying becomes mobbing. Get out of that environment. You can transfer to another school or go to work for another company. Also, you can move to another area.

Again, once bullying becomes mobbing, it becomes so out of control that it takes on a life of it’s own. There’s no stopping it at this stage.

Therefore, the only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Just disappear. Go somewhere quiet.

Never stay in an environment that hates you. People in a mob aren’t worth fighting. Moreover, it isn’t worth the cost to your mental health! The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

This post was all how to tell if what you endure is bullying or mobbing so that you can take the appropriate measures to protect your safety.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

2. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

3. When Bullying Gets Out of Control: 5 Signs You’re in Danger

when bullying gets out of control at school

When Bullying Gets Out of Control: 5 Signs You’re in Danger

June 5, 2025June 18, 20255 Comments

‘What happens when bullying gets out of control? Here are all the signs that you’re in danger.

When bullying reaches new levels, it can feel as if the abuse has taken on a life of it’s own. This is when things become dangerous really fast.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what to look for when bullying gets out of control.

Once you learn all about these signs and symptoms, you will be compelled to make the appropriate decisions to get out of the situation.

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control so that you can take the necessary steps to ensure your safety.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control

When bullies select a victim to abuse, their bullying tends to escalate quickly. Moreover, it can last for years. In fact, others may join in. After so long, people grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, bullying becomes a natural occurrence.

When this happens, bullying can become unstoppable no matter what you do to defend yourself. Moreover, things can become dangerous, even life-threatening if you aren’t aware of the signs.

Here are all the signs that the bullying you suffer has reached dangerous levels.

1. Your Bullies Become Brazen

You’ll notice that your bullies getting cocky. They’ll do their bullying out in the open, for everyone to see.

In fact, they’ll no longer try to hide it. Why? Because they fear no consequences.

Those in positions of power won’t stop the bullying. They have no intentions of protecting you. Therefore, there’s little chance they’ll hold the bullies responsible for their behavior.

Make no mistake! When your bullies bully you in plain sight, in front of peers and authority, it’s a bad sign.

It means that you’re in grave danger. Why? Because, when the abuse reaches this level, there’s no limit to the brutality your bullies will inflict.

When bullying gets out of control, there’s no incentive to stop. Then Bullies quickly become full of themselves.

It’s the same with criminals. When there’s no accountability for wrongdoing, it only emboldens them to do more of it.

And their arrogance only sends these unspoken messages:

“We can do whatever we want and there’s nothing you can do.”
“Who’s going to stop us?”
“Who’s going to help you. You’re ours now.”

Most bullies would stop if they thought someone would hold them accountable. Or, they’d at least try to hide their behavior.

No one wants to have to answer for anything. Moreover, they don’t want the shame and humiliation that comes with it.

Therefore, they either wouldn’t do the bad deeds at all, or they would do their dirt behind closed doors.

Lack of accountability only emboldens bad people.

On the other hand, once a bully has gotten away with it a few times, they catch on that there are no consequences. They get the message that what they’re doing is okay.

Therefore, they have no shame in continuing the behavior.

And once there’s complete impunity, it’s no holds barred. In other words, your bullies are unrestrained in what they could do to you.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, you’re shit out of luck.

it sets a precedent.

It sets a bad standard for people who wouldn’t normally mistreat another person. In that, it encourages them to jump on the bandwagon and bully you too.

Why? Because bystanders notice the bullies getting away with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll think it’s okay to bully you. In fact, they’ll think that it’s the in-thing to do. So, they’ll be more than happy to join in on the torment.

It’s the science of group behavior.

2. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

Others become Outraged when you stand up for yourself.

When you defend yourself against a bully’s attacks or demands, bullies will often retaliate. Anytime you stand up to bullies, they will often try to get back at you for it. Even bystanders will be pissed at you.

In fact, they either won’t help you or they join in.

Why do bullies become angry when you defend yourself? Because you put them in a weaker position and threaten their power.

Understand that bullies are entitled little twits. They need gratification and satisfaction, and when you refuse to give it to them, they will resent you and desire to punish you for it.

Moreover, it will offend others as well.

Why? Because, once bullying you has become the norm, it’s gone on for a long time. People have grown comfortable with seeing bullies abuse you.

And once people get comfortable with something, they resist anyone that tries to change it.

3. People Believe anything bad about you, no matter how ridiculous the lie may sound.

If you suffer bullying, you’ve probably had bullies tell the most outrageous and ridiculous lies about you. Moreover, the lies may be laughable at best.

And shockingly, everyone in the place will probably believe it! It will seem as if everyone around you is smoking crack.

Why? Because you’ll wonder how they can believe such tripe!

People will believe the big, outlandish lies before they accept the little white lies. For example, others might hear something huge and horrible about a certain person from someone they trust.

Maybe it comes from someone who has a little bit of power. They may feel shock and disbelief at first. However, they’ll eventually believe it.

But, why do they believe it? It’s because the penalty for severe wrongdoing is so big that people don’t want to think that anyone would tell such a big fat lie about someone if there isn’t some truth to it.

When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

IF someone is audacious enough to tell such a bold lie, we’re more likely to believe it.

We cling to the belief that if a person is audacious enough to make such an accusation about another person, then somewhere, there must be evidence to back it up.

Otherwise, they wouldn’t dare make such bold accusations and risk someone proving them wrong!

So, we hold on to the idea that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Moreover, we allow caution and speculation to supersede any logic. And if we expect trouble to come from a specific place, that’s where we’re going to look.

And when we look for a specific thing, we usually find it.

Also, if a lie goes against the target’s character, we’re more likely to believe it. Why? Because any story of hypocrisy has a certain amount of shock value and entertainment to it. That is, as long as the story is about someone else and not us.

We’re more prone to believe a big fat lie because it frightens the crap out of us. Therefore, when people hear a lie so big and outrageous about you, it makes them wonder if they ever really knew you at all.

And the idea that someone they know could do such a horrible thing scares people to death.

4. You will be emotional and people will weaponize it.

Understand that anytime you suffer bullying, you’re at your absolute worst! Anyone would be a total emotional wreck under that kind of pressure.

Anytime a person is bullied by everyone, it doesn’t matter how strong they are. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how brave, how beautiful, nor how awesome their personalities are.

The bullying will eventually exhaust them and take them down.

In other words, if enough people bully you for long enough, you’ll only be able to withstand it for so long. Why? Because you’re only human. And no human being can hold up under that kind of stress for long.

Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, if they’re determined to break you, they’ll increase the abuse until they get the outcome they want.

You will be overwhelmed with so many emotions. In fact, you’ll have paranoia. And, with good reason!

Therefore, they’ll twist it and make you look unstable.

And, why not? They’ve seen you morph from a cheerful person to a stressed out, hot mess of a train wreck who’s barely able to function.

5. When Bullying Gets Out of Control:

No One Will Help you.

If you’re a kid that other kids bully in school, you know that schools are supposed to protect children. Moreover, some schools do help targets of bullying.

I’ve read quite a few stories with this happy ending. And to those schools, I extend my love and respect.

However, I’ve also read and heard stories in which the school either failed or refused to help the victim. They only sided with the bullies.

I also found this out years ago from experience. Sadly, this ending is much more common than the first.

Therefore, if you are an object of bullying at your school, do take the proper channels to address the problem. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or district.

However, if the school does nothing about it, sweeps it under the rug, or worse, blames you, don’t let it surprise you. And don’t let it shock you if you face retaliation not only from the bullies but from school staff as well.

In most cases, schools side with bullies.

Understand that in these cases where the school doesn’t act on your behalf, it is because the school district has their own interests in mind.

Many schools only care about their sports programs. They care about how many points an athlete can score for their team and getting their teams into the playoffs.

Also, they care about how many kids they can send to colleges.

Another thing to consider is that school bullies likely have connections with several local politicians and other high-ranking officials. Also, many bullies excel academically.

Or, they may be are star athletes. Therefore, they make the school look good.

And if a student makes a school look good, why would they hold them accountable for bullying some throw-away kid?

Seasoned bullies also tend to be exceptionally socially intelligent. In other words, they know how to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of teachers and school staff.

Moreover, they’re also wordsmiths who talk a good game. They’re experts at feigning victimhood when you report them. They’re also good at explaining everything away, and rationalizing their bad behavior.

What they’re best at is making you look like the bully. Therefore, you must thing of these things when the school fails to respond to your pleas for help.

This is why you must do your own investigations and gather your own evidence. You must document each bullying incident to the letter and record it if the laws in your area allow.

But don’t give up. Remember. You are worth fighting for!

This post is all about what happens when bullying gets out of control and how to recognize it so that you can can the appropriate steps needed to ensure your safety.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

4. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

November 8, 2024May 26, 20256 Comments

When you’re dealing with workplace bullying, it’s imperative that you know what not to share at work. Here are the things about your life that are better kept private.

Too many people make the carnal mistake of sharing too much information at work. This is risky for anyone. However, if you’re dealing with workplace bullying, it’s not only risky, it’s the kiss of death because workplace bullies have ways of twisting information that’s innocent.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what not to share at work so that you can minimize bullying and mobbing and protect yourself.

Once you learn about all these informational faux pas, you will better protect yourself against workplace bullying and defamation. Moreover, you will make it much harder for at-work brutes to find ammunition to use against you.

This post is all about what not to share at work. In detail, it gives you all the information no-nos that not only targets of workplace bullying, but all employees should know about.

What Not to Share at Work

Before we get into the information that’s off limits at work, let’s get into the reasons some things are better left unmentioned.

The examples below are risky for anyone to share at work. However, if you are a target of bullying, you should share as little about your life as humanly possible.

And this means, to anyone. Even your best friend.

Why? Because, when people are bullying you at work, you can’t afford to trust anyone. It doesn’t matter how close you and your only friend at work are.

It’s still isn’t a smart move because you never know when your bullies at work will succeed in turning your friend against you. Moreover, when they do those friends will likely become willing participants in bullying you.

If you share private details about your life, it’s not a question of if but when this so-called friend spreads your business far and wide once the bullies win them over.

Therefore, never divulge any info that’s private or personal. In other words, don’t disclose anything you wouldn’t want other people to know.

Understand that any personal details can be used as fodder for bullies and their minions to defame you with.

What are examples of what not to share at work?

Here is a list of things that are better kept private.

1. Your sex life, or lack of.

Not only is it just not smart, it’s also very distasteful. Down through the years, I’ve often overheard many coworkers openly talk about their sex-life and it was embarrassing to say the least.

Anytime you publicly talk about your sex life, you make yourself look as if you have no class. Moreover, bullies and other office parasites will take it and run with it.

Bullies will likely either accuse you of being promiscuous or say that you’re not getting any at all. Also, most people who brag about having something are usually those who don’t and have a hard time getting it.

Therefore, most people will only assume the opposite.

Nevertheless, your sex life is none of anyone else’s business and you should keep it to yourself. Therefore, keep that information in your bedroom and away from work.

2. A person in your family who has a drug addiction.

The same goes for this type of information. Family business should be kept in the family and not brought to work. Also, workplace bullies will use it as fodder and tell everyone who’ll listen that you come from a family of druggies.

It’s just what bullies do.

Although it’s true that they may lie and say those kinds of things anyway just to make you look bad. However, at least you know that you didn’t initiate the information and it won’t be as hard on your self-esteem if you know they’re only lying.

3. What are examples of what not to say at work? Any medical conditions or diseases.

Here’s another biggie. You’re ailments should be private. If you disclose any medical issues you have, unscrupulous people will use it against you.

Moreover, supervisors with no integrity will use the information as an excuse to fire you or lay you off, especially if you’re a target of workplace bullying.

4. Any mental illnesses.

This is a definite no-no! Any disclosure of mental illnesses will immediately end your credibility not only as an employee, but as a person.

There is too much stigma around mental illness and when you tell others that you have one, no one will ever look at you the same again.

Moreover, workplace bullies accuse their victims of being mentally imbalanced all the time. Even when there’s no evidence or mention of that possibility! Don’t give them a chance to weaponize it against you. Keep it to yourself.

5. Any legal troubles- even as minor as traffic tickets.

Again, bullies will only weaponize this information against you. Even worse, they’ll embellish on it to make it bigger. It’s not worth the price you’ll pay later. Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know.

6. What not to share at work: Family issues- divorce, child custody, births, deaths, etc.

If it’s negative family issues, workplace bullies will only use it as confirmation that you’re somehow defective. On the other hand, if it’s positive, they’ll only say that you’re making it up to sound better than what you are. Also, they’ll accuse you of bragging.

It’s just better not to share anything, good or bad, that happens outside of work if you face bullying in the workplace.

7. Your past (if you’re old enough to have one).

This goes without saying. No one needs to know about your past, period. Negative things about your past could be used against you. For example, no one at work needs to know that you spent time in jail for fighting at a kegger when you were in high school.

Also, positive aspects of it could incite jealousy and resentment. Therefore, just the same, you shouldn’t tell anyone about vacationing in Europe or Bali three year ago. Especially if people bully you at work!

8. Past abuse you may have suffered.

This is also private. If you share this at work, no one will feel sorry for you. Moreover, they won’t admire you if it made you stronger or overcame the abuse. Instead, most of your coworkers won’t care.

Moreover, if you’re a victim of workplace bullying, your bullies will only say that you deserved it. Also, they may use it as confirmation that you’re weak or they’ll weaponize it against you.

It’s better to keep it under your hat.

9. What not to share at work: Your personal info (SS number, credit card number, birthdate, home aDdress, etc).

This is a no-brainer. There are so many sick people out there and if you disclose these kinds of info, you’re asking for identity theft. Also, you’re asking for a mentally deranged bully to show up at your home and either physically attack or kill you.

It’s not worth the risk! Keep it to yourself.

10. Email and passwords to social media accounts.

This goes without saying. Do you really want to risk someone hacking into your social media account and posting porn all over your page?

Thankfully, most people won’t share that kind of information and you won’t either, if you’re smart.

11. What not to share at work: Names of your family members.

If you think that some bullies won’t search for and go after their victims’ family members, you’re dead wrong. Although this doesn’t happen often, it does happen ocassionally. So, don’t chance it.

No one, especially a workplace bully, needs to know who your family members are.

12. Never brag about your daughter’s beauty pageant or your son’s perfect grades.

Again, even in non-workplace bullying situations, people will tend to view you as a braggert or a liar. Workplace bullies are certainly no exceptions. Also, you could unwillingly incite jealousy from workmates and this may bring about workplace bullying.

This goes double in you’re already in a workplace bullying situation.

13. Your views about the recent scandal at work.

This also goes without saying. It’s best to keep any opinions of any workplace scandals at work to yourself, lest you suffer retaliation.

14. Your hobbies and interests.

Let’s face it, most people won’t care about your hobbies and interests because they’re mostly interested in their own. It’s just an unpleasant part of human nature.

Moreover, workplace bullies will find a way to attack or ridicule you with this information.

Therefore, it’s better to only bring up company and project-related topics at work. Also, it’ll also be wise to appeal to the self-interests of the company and it’s bosses and coworkers.

I guarantee you that people at your job will think more of you if you do this. ‘Just a suggestion.

15. The TV show or movie you watched last night, especially if it’s a slasher show or filled with hot-buttered sex.

Again, no one cares what you watched in the theater or on TV. Moreover, if you watched a slasher film, workplace bullies will use it to say that you have the mind of a serial killer.

Also, if you watched a sex-laden film, such as 50 Shades of Grey, they say that you’re a sex-crazed pervert. Not that you should care what anyone thinks. However, it’s just wise not to help bring any more scrutiny on yourself than you already have if you’re being bullied at work.

16. Never talk about politics! Ever! That’s a no-no subject!

With cancel culture on the rise today, this is the worst thing you can do. And you can believe that workplace bullies would love nothing more than to use politics to destroy you.

It’s not worth the risk. Never talk about politics at work!

Workplace bullies are already looking for dirty laundry. So, why air out yours? When you’re a target of bullying, the less they know about you and your life, the better.

Also, the less likely it is that the bullying will progress to mobbing.

this post was all about what not to share at work so that you can protect yourself from becoming another casualty of workplace bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

5. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

Social Contagion Effect: Bullying and Social Contagion

August 6, 2024August 16, 20246 Comments

If, you’ve experienced bullying did you notice that when people first began to bully you, the hatred seemed to spread throughout the environment like a cancer? Unfortunately bullying has a high social contagion effect.

This post is all about the social contagion effect of bullying. We will also discuss the mechanics of it and how it effects the target and everyone else in the bullying environment.

After you learn about the details of this phenomenon, you will better be able to prepare yourself. Also, you will make better and more sound judgements as to how to handle it.

bullying and social contagion effect

First, let’s discuss social contagion effect. According to Google, social contagion effect is an ubiquitous process by which information, such as attitudes, emotions, or behaviors, are rapidly spread throughout a group from one member to others without rational thought and reason.

In other words, a certain emotion or mood can spread quickly through a large crowd, leading them to extreme mindsets. This explains the “pack mentality” where people in large groups act in ways they may later regret.

It is the same with bullying. A few bullies select one target out of the whole class, workplace, or community.

Before you know it, the entire student body, workplace, or neighborhood is acting in evil and brutal ways toward the selected target- doing sadistic things that, under normal circumstances, they would never do.

Intense hate spreads throughout the group like cancer. Bystanders, witnesses, even teachers, school officials, supervisors, and managers will partake in the abuse of the singled-out and defenseless target.

But Why do People Do this?

They do this for several reasons:

1. To keep from being the next target
2. To fit into the group
3. To feel better about themselves and superior to someone (anyone).
4. They believe any lies/rumors about the target
5. To tighten bonds among themselves- using the target as the common enemy to unite against

Social Contagion Effect Works to the Bullies’ Advantage.

Using social contagion effect, charisma, and influence, bullies are able to unite people who think like they do and win over bystanders and members of authority. It’s the reason why entire schools, workplaces, and communities will repetitiously mob a single targeted person. Understand that hate builds on hate.

Moreover, each member of the hating group gets huge psychological benefits from the collective hatred.

The hate helps to mask the insecurities of each member of the hating group. And all haters have insecurities, but not all insecure people are haters.

Bullies know that, outside of a group, they are insignificant, ineffective, and powerless. If you have noticed, and I’m almost certain you have, haters always- always hate in packs. Therefore, they incentivize bystanders and total strangers to join in. Others not only partake in their hatred of the target, but also agree with and condone it.

In their shared hatred of a target, each member gets validation and gains a sense of self-worth. The group also helps them to forget all about their insecurities and shortcomings. Moreover, each person gets the chance to feel superior to the target.

Other benefits bullies get from their groups is a feeling of immense power, anonymity, and decreased accountability.

Hate has a better and much quickly Social Contagion Effect than Love. It is also a Better Group Adhesive.

Realize that hate is like an adhesive that binds each member of the bully group together. When a group of bullies verbally attack their target, it enhances each member’s self-image and the overall status of the group.

However, this is when things tend to become dangerous! It can only get worse, not better for the victim.

Once verbal attacks lose their thrill, the hating group will take it up a notch and begin taunting the target by flipping him off, throwing rocks, destroying their property, and other such activities.

And once that no longer produces the rush of power that they seek, they will then begin shoving, tripping, pushing, etc. Shoving, pushing and tripping will then escalate to punching, kicking, and beating- then worse, worse, and worse still.

Again, understand that hate spreads like a cancer. It’s the root of so many problems today. It’s true that hate hurts the haters more than the hated and that it eats the haters up inside.

However, it can cause a lot of collateral damage and make life dangerous for the victim if the victim fails to learn to recognize it.

An Example of The Social Contagion Effect:

The enthusiasm of the supporters who back the bullies is that of the audience for their favorite ball teams, or an entire nation when its soldiers return home from war. It spreads throughout the group with extreme fervor and exalts their “heroes” while degrading the adversary or enemy.

Also, each member must continue thinking and acting like the rest of the hating group, or risk being excluded from the group. Even worse, the group may target them too and they know it.

Us Versus Them

Another example of the social contagion effect is that the group only grows.

In other words, your bullies and their loyal sycophants vastly outnumber you and their numbers seemingly increase day by day. And, the larger their numbers, the more emboldened they become to show hostility because they believe it’s safer to do so.

This is why people in groups are far more open with abuse because they get a certain degree of cover and anonymity from the group.

Worse even, not only do their numbers grow, the hatred and hostility of each member also grows. Moreover, the more they band together and bond with each other. Therefore, the more hostility they will heap on top of you.

And the hatred and hostility only serve to strengthen their desire to not only isolate you, but to eliminate you altogether.

Therefore, the group’s increasing numbers and their comradery and support for one another, combined with their blatant hostility for you are both powerful and dangerous. It’s the same kind of scenario you also see in political fights and persecution.

Whether in sports against the opposing team, in the military against the enemy on the battlefield, or a group of bullies and bystanders against a target, the mentality and feelings of hostility are all the same- it’s the dynamic of “us versus them.”

When bullies turn an entire school, workplace, or organization against one target, the entire group shares a great degree of esprit de corps. Members of the group solidify themselves to one another and distance themselves from you. In this, they overplay the sameness in their clique and differences from the you.

What Happens When You Confront this Type of thing Head-On?

Sadly, these kinds of dynamics are difficult for you to stand up to and defend against. Therefore, let this serve as a warning.

You will feel angry and you will become tired of all the BS. And you may decide once and for all, to stand up to all of them and speak out, which, you have ever right to do so.

However, when you do muster up the courage to say and/or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a large group and perceived norm.

And once you dare to push back against any status quo and any large group, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

Remember. In their minds, you are the enemy! Nothing more, nothing less. And the enemy doesn’t deserve the right to live in peace. The enemy deserves nothing but total destruction. Again, this is how they think.

As much as it may suck, when you become a target of bullying, people- bullies, bystanders, and yes, sometimes even those in authority, such as teachers and school officials, upper management in the workplace, or police in a community, consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay a target.

From their perspective, you are to “know your place.” In other words, they expect you to put your head down and take the abuse. Moreover, they want you to just accept your position in life and not to expect things to get better.

And if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

So, What Can You Do about social contagion effect?

I hate to say it. But sometimes, the best recourse is just to find a way to escape the environment. Understand that you’re not running away nor are you being cowardly.

You are being wise. You’re doing what you must do to take care of yourself. Moreover, you are seeing reality for what it is.

And the reality is that some power dynamics are too great for one person to stand against. Therefore, rather than stay and continue to push against a brick wall that just won’t budge, you must get out of that hostile environment and allowing yourself to move on to a safer one.

Therefore, again, there’s nothing wrong with this and it doesn’t mean that you’re a coward.

Know When It’s Time to Move On.

“Oh, but they’ll think I’m a coward! So, I have to stay and fight.”

SCREW them! What do you care what they think after you’ve left? Let them think what they will. What are you going to do? Stay and continue wasting your time fighting something you can’t change or win? Life’s too short for that.

Part of taking care of yourself and being brave is to know when to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures.

In other words, if you’re an object of this kind of hatred, the best you can do is to make yourself a priority.

How you do this is to take steps to protect yourself. There are times when that means leaving situations that are too toxic to stay in and too powerful to fight. The trick is to pick your battles and decide when you should fight and when you should walk away from toxic people.

Moreover, focus on the people you love and who love you. Stay away from abusive people and keep yourself around people who uplift you. Move to and stay in a warm and loving environment if possible. You owe it to yourself.

This post was all about the social Contagion effect to better prepare you for situations of group bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

May 7, 2024May 6, 20243 Comments

Would you like to know how to respond to darvo that bullies use to discredit you when you report their bullying or speak out against it? Here are the most powerful ways you must know.

The DARVO method that bullies use is tricky. Many victims of bullying are at a loss as to how to respond to it. As one who has had this method used on me, I am giving you the most powerful ways to respond.

You will learn about how to respond to DARVO properly and the the best responses that will shut this method down for good.

After learning these points, you will be extra prepared the next time a bully uses this evil technique against you.

This post is all about how to respond to DARVO tactics that bullies use. This is important information every victim of bullying, even narcissistic bullying, should know.

How to respond to darvo:

1. learn what darvo is and how bullies use it.

The first step in learning how to properly defend yourself against any bullying tactics is to learn exactly what each of those tactics is.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Realize that this is a classic reaction bullies make any time the victim calls out their bad behavior.

If you are a victim of such tactics, it is imperative that you educate yourself on them.

Additionally, you need not only memorize the definition and textbook description of it. You must also know what DARVO looks like as it is happening.

For instance, a narcissistic bully may attack you and you may call them out on their rotten behavior. The bully reacts by telling you, “it’s no big deal.” Or, he may say something to the tune of, “you’re making something out of nothing.”

Understand that these are classic DARVO comebacks because they invalidate reality and make you out to have over-reacted. Don’t fall for it. You know what they did and that it was wrong. Therefore, continue to stand strong and stick to your guns.

the bully will project.

Moreover, the bully will become extremely aggressive and attacks your character and credibility. They may even attack your motives and intentions.

The bully may also dissolve into a puddle of tears or begin yelling in anger while attacking you. Bullies are expert at turning on emotions to achieve a desired result, which is to make it look like you instigated their abuse. In other words, they make it look as if they were only reacting to what you did to them.

Also, the bully may use insults, threats, and gaslighting to discredit your description of their abuse. Moreover, they will swear up and down that they’re being unfairly accused and that you are making false accusations against them to cover your bad behavior.

Put simpler, they will accuse you of doing to them the very same things they, in fact, did to you. This is classic projection and you should call it out as such.

As another attempt to deflect, bullies will also try to justify their evil behavior by shifting blame to you.

Understand that bullies do all this to reverse the roles and in hopes that others will see them in a more positive light. Bullies hope that others will see their abuse of you as a reaction to something you must have done to them first. All the while, they are continuing to inflict more abuse onto you.

2. whatever you do, stay calm.

This is an absolute must because your bully is hoping and praying that you will lose your cool. But don’t!

Why? Because bullies will use your emotions as confirmation that you are either cuckoo or a bad person. And, believe you me, they’re masters at this!

Also, they will misconstrue your emotions (crying, etc.) as a sign of guilt. Instead, remain calm and the bully is more likely to be the one flipping out because they can’t shake you.

I have found that by remaining calm and cool, you will drive them completely insane with anger. Therefore, you force your bullies to expose themselves.

Remember the quote in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

“Let the enemy destroy themselves.”

Again, your calm demeanor will arouse not only the bully’s anger, but also their fear. Your bully will be flabbergasted as to why you’re so calm. This will throw them off balance.

Moreover, they’ll flip out and begin yelling, shouting, and cursing. Don’t let this behavior intimidate you because his is what you want them to do to expose and embarrass themselves.

Remember that bullies have big egos and an image to protect. Also, they have an intense need for control. And they will do everything they possibly can to preserve their egos and maintain not only control, but also the image they have long ago crafted for themselves.

Although staying calm can be difficult when bullies abuse you, it can also be most effective in getting your bullies riled and bringing their true natures out in the open. The calmer you are, the crazier your bullies will get until they unwittingly expose themselves through their own behavior.

3. How to Respond to DARVO: Call the behavior out by name.

This is why you must first know what DARVO is, as well as the names of all the behavior that goes with it. This way, you can call it out by name and won’t sound as though you’re rambling.

Rambling makes you sound crazy and less believable. But naming the behavior and stating your case in a clear and concise manner makes you look more credible and makes the bully look unhinged. This is what you want.

For example, if the bully is projecting and accusing you of the very behavior they directed at you, Call it by name. Tell the bully in front of an audience that they’re clearly projecting to try and make themselves look like the good guy and that you are onto them.

If they are trying to justify their behavior, again, call it out. Say to the bully, “Don’t try to justify your behavior because there is no justification for it. Be an adult (or if it’s a child, you can say, ‘be a big girl/boy’) and take responsibility for your actions.”

4. Document, document, document!

This cannot be stressed enough! You absolutely must document everything in detail. Keeping a bullying journal is of the utmost importance, not only if you have a bullying partner at home but also if people bully and harass you at work or school.

Keeping documentation helps you to keep a record of bullying in a more clear, concise, and organized manner. Moreover, it is admissible in court and during tribunal at work or school board meetings.

When you document, always use the 5W Method (What? Who? When? Where? and Why? Also, if possible, How?) This allows your story to make more sense. Also, it effectively calls out any perpetrators and produces possible witnesses.

In other words, write down what happened, who was involved, who was around to see what happened (the names of any bystanders and witnesses). Also, write down when it happened (the exact date and time of occurrence).

Additionally, include where it happened (did it happen in the school locker room? The workplace parking lot?) and if you know, why it happened (was it because you reported your bullies’ abuse of you?) Be as detailed as humanly possible when you document!

How to Respond to Darvo: do your own investigation!

This is how you gather your own evidence. How to respond to DARVO doesn’t include waiting for anyone else to do anything you can just as easily do for yourself.

Never rely on the school or your workplace to conduct their own investigation. This is where many victims get screwed because when entities do their own investigations (if they do them at all) it will only be to their advantage and your detriment.

The reality is that schools, workplaces, or any entities for that matter, usually side with bullies. Why? Because not only are bullies expert at covering their behinds, but also, they are usually stars in the who’s who at school or higher-up in the workplace or organization.

Therefore, always do your own investigation. Documenting is the most effective way to gather your own evidence.

Also, depending on the laws in your state or jurisdiction, you could secretly record the bullying you suffer. Again, make sure the laws in your state allow recordings.

In other words, If you live in a two-party consent state, you must also have the permission of anyone you record. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you only need your own permission. Therefore, you are FREE to record!

Again, make sure you know the laws in your state before you do this. The last thing you want is for your bullies to have grounds to sue you for invasion of privacy. And you just know they would salivate over that opportunity. So, don’t give it to them.

5. practice self-care

In other words, be kind and compassionate to yourself. Make daily affirmations to yourself. Make I AM statements, “I AM a good person,” “I AM not wrong for standing up for myself,” “I AM lovable,” “I AM deserving of friends, family, and people who love me,” ” I AM worthy of God’s love because He loves me anyway, regardless of what I’ve done in the past,” etc.

And when you make these affirmations, believe them with all your heart.

Practicing self-care also means spending time with the people who love you and who want what’s best for you. Keep company only with those who lift you up and avoid people who bring you down. This is how you nurture your self-esteem and mental health.

Indulge in a good soak in the bathtub with bath bombs or treat yourself to a day at the spa.

Self-care is essential when dealing with this form of abuse.

this post was all about how to respond to darvo so that you can better protect yourself against this insidious form of abuse.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses