Tag: jealous

jealous

10 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship

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Many targets of bullying are bullied and excluded so severely and for so long that they become desperate for any crumb of friendship. Notice I say, any crumb of friendship. In fact, they’ll latch on to anything that even looks like friendship. But looks can be deceiving.

Targets of bullying can very easily get in with the wrong people- people who only tolerate them, people who treat them like dog crap on the bottom of their shoe and leave them feeling even worse about themselves. Fake friends often send mixed signals which will leave the target confused and this is why they often stay in toxic friendships. And targets will, sadly, hang onto these lowlifes for dear life because they feel they have no other options.

So, how do you know when you’re in a toxic friendship? Here are your answers:

1. They turn hot and cold. These types of people will be sweet as pie one day and mean as a snake the next and this becomes a pattern. Don’t let it confuse you. Realize that the person isn’t really a friend and you must drop this person and find better friends.

You must understand that you deserve better than this person. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate the value you bring to a friendship doesn’t deserve a seat at your table. It’s time to walk without looking back.

Before I go any further, I want to let you know that I understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re targeted for bullying. I understand the feeling of being friendless and it sucks…royally!

However, with friends like those, you don’t need enemies, so, technically, you’re already lonely anyway. You can do just as bad by yourself. Ditch these creeps! You might be alone for a little while but sooner or later, better friends will come along. Give yourself a chance.

2. They manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. A true friend would respect your decisions, even if it is the decision not to join them in doing something that could be harmful to you or another person. In fact, a true friend would never put you in harms way or allow you to do anything illegal or harm another person. So, this is your cue to ditch and switch, baby!

3. They never have your back when your bullies come for you. This is a big one and it’s a deal breaker. If you have a so-called friend who either disappears or throws you under the bus whenever you’re in trouble or in danger, that’s a surefire sign that this coward isn’t your friend.

Get rid of this wimp, fast! Do you really want to be friends with some spineless wuss-bag who disappears and can’t be found when the fit hits the shan? I would hope not!

4. They give you shabby treatment. And when they do, they don’t seem to care how they hurt you. Again, you deserve better. This should be a no-brainer. Show them the door…fast!

5. They’re constantly getting offended or mad at you and you don’t know what you did wrong. If you are constantly having to apologize to for things you don’t know you did wrong, or aren’t guilty of just to keep the peace. Then it’s time to give this person their walking papers.

Again, I understand that nobody wants to be alone. We’re human beings. Therefore, we’re all wired for human connection, togetherness, and belonging.

However, you can be just as lonely around a group of friends who don’t value you. So, if you’re going to be lonely anyway, at least have a darn good reason for it.

6. The friend seems possessive of you and wants to keep you all to herself. This happens mostly with female friendships. She will get angry if she sees you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl.

If you have a friend like this, chances are that she will smother you with wanting to hang around…all the time. This isn’t good either. The last thing you want is a clingy friend because you have a life and she needs to get one.

You have two choices. You can either tell her (and tell her with gently and with kindness) that you have other priorities too. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to pick a new friend who is attached to you like static cling.

Or…maybe it’s less obvious.

7. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

8. They ridicule you for having a goal or dream. You dream of one day becoming an actor and your friend(s) make fun of you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn. Naturally, they make you feel lousy when they do this. You deserve friends who encourage you to go after your goals, not those who’ll tear you down.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not. Don’t be afraid to walk away.

9. They’re resentful of your successes. It sucks, yes! But a lot of so-called friends get jealous when you’re successful at something. Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment. Again, when this happens, that’s when you know it’s time to make tracks.

10. They only come around when they need something. These people are everywhere. They come around only when they know you can give them something and disappear when you’re the one in trouble. You deserve better friends than that. Get some standards and find friends who don’t use you.

Again, If you’re having any of these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Many Times Bullying Comes from Jealousy

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bullying

Many bullies bully because they’re jealous of their targets. But they would never in a million years admit it. Because to admit something like this would be to admit failure and inferiority. And the last thing a bully will do is look inferior, especially to their target!

Here are the signs that the person is jealous:

1. They tear you down. Anyone who’s secretly jealous of you will insult you and criticize you behind your back. But they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

Here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned:

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t call them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

workplace bullies back stabbers gossips

back-stabbing colleagues threatening employee with scissors and knife

2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

They will provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!

Understand that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

gossip

bullying verbal

4. Blind hatred. Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. But if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much? Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like you? They may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you. They may copy your image by dressing like you, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs. And they may imitate you.

6. They will make up competition. Again. Understand that when bullies do this, they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at. And they won’t stop until they do beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do, just clap and be happy for them. Let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

And the winner is...

Hand writes “And the winner is…” on blackboard

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help! But they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Any Time Someone Tells You You’ll Never Be Anybody, They’re Really Afraid You Will.

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There’s a reason why some people seem to go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams. Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

I thought so.

If you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults, horrible names, and telling you that you will never amount to anything, reach your goals, achieve your dreams, etc., it’s because they aren’t happy with their own lives.

They’re only putting you down to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. And although that’s true, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Even worse? You’ll prove them all wrong and force them to peddle back and eat every word that came out of their mouths.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up, but even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

blame point fingers

Why? Because when the perceived underdog shows everyone up, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the overdogs by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

Anytime you become a winner despite the people who tried to keep you down, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do and of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you held a mirror up to them and showed them their nude reflections- reflections which included the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

It’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

That’s precisely what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

At their core, bullies are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

‘You see? Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. They put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. They must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

Toxic Friendship

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Have you ever had so-called friends who seemed to turn hot and cold toward you? Who manipulated you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Fake friends who never had your back and always threw you under the bus whenever you were in trouble or in danger? Who treated you shabbily and didn’t seem to care how they hurt you? Whom you had to apologize to for things you weren’t guilty of just to keep the peace?

Have you ever had that particular friend who seemed possessive of you and wanted to keep you all to herself? Who would get angry when she saw you talking to another friend of yours, or worse, treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl?

Or…maybe it’s less obvious. Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell him what your plans for the future are. You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Although that may be true- it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try. Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

Maybe you have a dream of one day becoming an actor and your friends ridicule you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn.

Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments, or trivialize your accomplishment.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. You also must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not, or if they’re secretly resentful of your success.

If you’re having these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends. My loving advice is to find new friends. You owe it to yourself. Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. You deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve friends who value you and don’t want to lose you.

But first, you must value yourself. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. I guarantee it!

Most Bullying Comes from Jealousy

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bullying

Many bullies bully because they’re jealous of their targets. But they would never in a million years admit it. Because to admit something like this would be to admit failure and inferiority. And the last thing a bully will risk is to look inferior, especially to their target!

Here are the signs that the person is jealous:

1. They tear you down. Anyone who’s secretly jealous of you will insult you and criticize you behind your back. But they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

Here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned:

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t fall them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

workplace bullies back stabbers gossips

back-stabbing colleagues threatening employee with scissors and knife

2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!

I want you to understand those jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

gossip

2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!

I want you to understand those jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

bullying verbal

They will provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again!

4. Blind hatred. Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. But if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much? Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like you? They may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you. They may copy your image by dressing like you, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs. And they may imitate you.

6. They will make up competition. Again. Understand that when bullies do this, they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at. And they won’t stop until they do beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do beat you at something, just clap and be happy for them. Let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

And the winner is...

Hand writes “And the winner is…” on blackboard

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help! But they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

Making Others Feel Bad is The Only Way Bullies Can Feel Good About Themselves

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clique bullies

Bullies get their self-esteem from making others feel bad. They have an insatiable need to feel like they’re better than someone and for power. And if they see someone who’s truly happy, confident, or successful, they will hate that person with a passion and go out of their own way to break them down and make them pay for it.

Bullies will verbally abuse the lucky person, set them up for failure or to get into trouble with authority, try to sabotage the person’s goals and success, humiliate them and try their hardest to destroy them.

You see? Bullies can’t handle the success and happiness of others because they’re not happy and successful themselves. Also, the other person’s good fortune only reminds the bullies of the people they wish to be but clearly aren’t and highlights the bullies’ laziness, mediocrity, insecurities, and failures!

bully liar

Remember that bullies want to be the center of attention- all the time! They want to monopolize the admiration of others! They want to be top dogs and the best of the best. If they find out that you’re doing much better at life than they are, they’ll come for you locked and loaded, with both barrels!

And they’ll break off a piece of your self-esteem every chance they get.

Understand that the issue lies with the bullies, not you! You’re okay! They’re not! But they’ll try to convince you that it’s about you and whatever they try to say is wrong with you.

There’s nothing wrong with you! Everything the bullies tell you is a lie!

bullies get out bye goodbye

So, kick these confidence leeches out of your life if you can! Because they aren’t even worth knowing! And don’t fall into the emotion and psychological traps that bullies will lay for you! You’re so much better than they say you are! Believe it!

Anytime Someone Tells You That You Won’t Amount to Anything, What They’re Really Saying is That They’re Afraid That You Will.

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man laughing at you

There’s a reason why some people seem to go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams. Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

I thought so.

If you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults, horrible names and telling you that you will never amount to anything, reach your goals, achieve your dreams, etc., it’s because they aren’t happy with their own lives.

They’re only putting you down to keep from feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. And although that’s true, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Even worse? You’ll prove them all wrong and force them to peddle back and eat every word that came out of their mouths.

I don't want to hear it

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up, but even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

Why? Because when the perceived underdog shows everyone up, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the overdogs by highlighting the inferiority that they so desperately tried to hide.

Anytime you become a winner despite the people who tried to keep you down, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do and of everything, they never could and will never be.

It is as if you held a mirror up to them and showed them their nude reflections- reflections which included the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples and bumps of fat.

It’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

Man scolding himself in a mirror

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

That’s precisely what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

At their core, bullies are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

‘You see? Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. They put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. They must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade in order to take the negative focus off them.

Jealous Girls

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

A More In-Depth Explanation of Frenemies (Part 2)

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dreamstime_s_32438290

In Part 1, we discussed frenemies and the gradual but growing hot/cold, waxing and waning in their behavior, which snowballs into a terrible lashing of venom that leaves a target both shocked and hurt.

Again, if you’ve ever found yourself on the receiving end of a frenemy’s poison, rest assured that none of it was your fault and you were not the person with the issue. Understand that in using this hot/cold, nice/nasty cycle, the frenemy only used what is termed, “The Push/Pull Method” on you.

This push and pull technique is exactly how it sounds: the frenemy pulls the target in, pushes him/her away, then pulls them in again. This back and forth cycle is specifically designed to hook you into the friendship and throw you off your game! Realize that the person was more than likely never your friend!

dreamstime_xs_145903143

You may ask yourself these questions:

“If this person was never my friend and never liked me to begin with, why then did they exert such much effort to get close to me?”

“Why did this person latch on to me in the first place?”

Jealousy was most likely the culprit. Your frenemy (or frenemies) was intensely jealous of something you possessed and wanted a way to punish you for having something- anything they only wished they had. They wanted to bring you down a few notches…to put you in your place…to cut you down to size! Rather than a direct, frontal assault, they preferred to out-flank you by carefully cozying up to you, tricking you into dropping your defenses and winning your complete trust to get close to you!

Another reason could be that the frenemy somehow gets an ego-boost from being “friends” with you and the thought of being seen with you!

Understand that this closeness is a way to hook you into the friendship, then gather intimate, personal details about your life and personality, to suss out any weaknesses or less-than-desirable qualities you have. Fake-friends are like police detectives who attempt to build a case against you. Once they gather the intel they need, they then exploit this information, using it as a weapon to harm you, ruining your reputation and sabotaging your personal relationships and associations.

dreamstime_xs_82903860

When you finally get fed up, put your foot down and end the friendship, the frenemy then paints you as the mean, mentally-unbalanced, or selfish person and trumpets any dirt collected on you to anyone who will listen to them. I want you to understand that this is how frenemies operate. People such as these are very sneaky, meticulous, and worst of all, patient!

It is much better to have full-blown enemies than frenemies because, with an enemy, you always know where you stand and can more easily avoid contact. Frenemies, however, (especially those who are charming and persuasive) have ways of reeling you in and keeping you dependent on their approval and acceptance. And if you are a victim of bullying, the relationship is much harder to get out of because you’re afraid of going back to being friendless. But wouldn’t you rather be to yourself than to keep company with people who only wish to bring you down? I know I would!

dreamstime_xs_100556469

Remember that a smiling face does not a friend make. Not everyone who pats you on the back has your best interests at heart. There are red flags you can look for and speed in the progression of the friendship is a major red flag! Anytime someone is so quick to call you a friend, be alert! Alternating hot and cold (flip-flopping) and micro-flashes of contempt and hostility in their body language are also warnings you should be aware of!

In these scenarios, the best you can do is to step back and maintain plenty of distance between you and the person in question. Only then is it possible to observe them and figure out their true motivations and intentions!