threatening group

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

‘Want to know the examples of non verbal bullying? Here are the most common examples you need to know about.

examples of non verbal bullying

Bullies know what they’re doing. They know that if they can intimidate you through nonverbal communication, they can do it quietly, without drawing attention to their behavior. Moreover, they know that their victims are more likely to stay silent because if they report it, others are likely to blow them of as sufferers of paranoia.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the examples of non verbal bullying,  how to recognize it, and what you can do to counter it.

Once you learn about all these gestures, you will then be able to use your own nonverbals to let your bullies know that you’re not one who’ll be threatened by them. As a result, they will likely leave you alone and go find an easier target.

This post is all about the examples of non verbal bullying, how to recognize them, and what you can do to counter them.

Examples of non verbal bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

Moreover, this type of bullying can occur either at school, in the workplace, or anywhere. Here are a few such subtleties.

So, How do Bullies Use Nonverbal communication to bully you?

1. They lean against your desk, office doorway, car, etc.

Understand that when people lean against an object, they are, in a sense, laying claim to that object. Therefore, when bullies learn against your desk, car, or any object that belongs to you, they are non verbally claiming it as theirs.

Also, they do it to intimidate you and dare you to say or do something about it. So, how do you deal with this?

You handle it simply by telling the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

And you must address this the very first time this occurs.

2. The bully will sit in your chair.

Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair. Also, it’s important that you speak out right then, the first time it happens. Otherwise, the bully will think they can do it again.

Therefore, never let someone get away with this even the first time.

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

The bully may also pick your purse or notebook off your desk, touch your property, etc.

I can’t stress this enough! You must realize that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Therefore, don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

The bully may also walk up to your table in the cafeteria or a restaurant, pluck a morsel of food from your plate and pop it in their mouth without even asking.

Realize that when a bully does this, they are challenging you. Their message is,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Moreover, female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into people’s homes without knocking.

During school or business trips, bullies may go through your luggage and steal money, articles of clothing, anything from you while you’re out of the room. Moreover, if you have multiple bullies, it’ll be difficult for you to confront the thief.

Although you may have a pretty good idea who stole your belongings, you’ll never be able to prove who took them!

Here’s another nugget of truth to think about. When bullies claim ownership of your space and property, it means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

They will violate your personal space.

Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is doing one or more of four things. He is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenge you, or he is trying to provoke a fight.

Therefore, do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

5. They give you threatening glares.

It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight. That stare makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck!

You know the one. It’s that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up when they do it?

Moreover, they look at you so intensely that you feel like you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm. They’re so still that they don’t move a muscle nor even blink!

Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a hot needle. Those eyes look as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

Granted, not all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes. Their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold!

Therefore, if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you. And don’t take your eyes off them until they stop looking at you.

Moreover, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

How You Respond to Non Verbal Bullying

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can intimidate you into leaving. Moreover, your bullies want to make you think you’re about to get hurt.

In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying at a party or get-together and suddenly see your bully locking eyes with you, know that this person is giving you the message that they intend to make your day a really bad one.

You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to them. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that they don’t scare you. You also tell the bully that you have no intentions of running.

Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Also, you can mirror the bully and reciprocate the body language. In doing this, you let the bully know that you’re willing to stand your ground.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

In conclusion:

Let’s summarize.

Bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you.

Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

3. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Dealing with Control Freaks

Bullies are control freaks. Period. Full stop! And control freaks will instill fear in you, but only if you allow them to. How I wish I knew this years ago when I was in school- that most of my classmates were control freaks.

Moreover, there were times, I hate to admit, that I felt I had to comply or tell them what they wanted to hear to keep them from physically attacking me.

Getting older allows one to understand that giving value to a person’s opinions because, “you’ll make them mad” or “they’ll kick your butt,” “leave you,” or “won’t be your friend anymore,” is, straight up manipulation.

When you care about the opinions of these creeps, you only do so out of fear. You only value their opinions because you don’t want to endure the pain and misery that these people can cause you.

Bullies Will Use What Works to Manipulate You

Therefore, you acquiesce. Sadly, after you surrender a few times, they see that their brutal techniques are working. And once they catch onto what works, they’ll use that to get you to give them want they want.

But know this! Anytime bullies make a habit of using fear-tactics on you, deep down, they’re way more afraid of you than you are of them.

I know this sounds silly. But it’s true. Bullies (or control freaks) control you out of a deep-seated fear. Only they would never in this lifetime admit it. They’re afraid of something happening if they ever relinquish control. They’re scared of an end result they may not be able to handle.

Again, control freaks control others out of fear. And once you know this, these people will no longer have the effect on you that they do. And it will be much easier to blow them off.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Space Invaders: 2 Ways Bullies Invade Your Personal Space

Bullies are notorious for violating others’ personal space. They make it a point to get too close. I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge targets.

If you are a target of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you, sometimes so close their bodies are touching yours. Bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant!

Different zone distances are practiced based on the relationship we have with the people in the room around us. They are as follows:

Intimate Zone – (6-18 inches) This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, unwelcome bullies will move into your intimate zone when they’re feeling hostile toward you and are about to attack.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus

Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close, and our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Some bullies may also invade the target’s intimate area only to toy with them and get them to react, then step back and laugh at the reaction. Do not ignore it! Call the bully out and let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.

Personal Zone – (18-48 inches) We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!

Social Zone – (4-12 feet) These distances, we stand from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from their victims, so you might not want to react if you don’t want to look paranoid or unstable. But still, keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move closer!

Public Zone – (Over 12 feet) We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand at these distances from their victims and not look conspicuous or threatening.

too close personal space bullied victim

(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)

1.Sitting in your chair, leaning on your car, etc. – Any chair we sit in or any object we lean on or touch, we nonverbally lay claim to. Just as a dog will mark his territory by peeing on the spot he claims as his, people mark theirs by sitting, leaning, or touching the place or object they claim as theirs.

Other ways bullies invade their victim’s territory are leaning in the doorway of their office, dorm room, or house. Bullies may also prop their feet on the target’s desk or table or even walk into the victim’s home without knocking or being invited inside!

bullies dog peeing on tree marking territory

Male poodle dog pee on tree trunk to mark his territory

However, here are some less-obvious ways of space violations:

2. Invasion of your privacy – Bullies will very carefully observe you. They will eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details so they can take the private info and spread it as juicy gossip and make you look bad. They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets so they can spread it around and damage your reputation. They will even follow you to see where you go and who you associate with.

If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your territory to intimidate, challenge, or dominate you.

You must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory. Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!

The more you know, the better you can protect yourself against these personal space invaders.

Deep Inside the Bully’s Psyche (The “I” in Bullying)

Anytime you are the object of a bully’s hostility, it really isn’t about you. It’s about them. Here are things bullies tell their targets and the real meaning behind it.

“You’re fat! You’re ugly! You’re weird, stupid,” etc.

What is the meaning behind it? It depends on the circumstances. If the target is overweight, the bully is only pointing it out to make themselves feel better. What the bully is really saying is,

“I have flaws that I’m afraid are worse and more noticeable than yours. So, I’m going to point out your flaws to distract everyone’s attention from my own.”

“You Snitched on me! Now You’re Going to Pay!”

Here’s what the bully is actually saying.

“You exposed me and got me into trouble! You made me look like the bully that I really am! You outted my true personality and humiliated me! So, I’m going to get back at you for it!”

“You think you’re so smart, cute, cool, pretty,” etc.

Here’s the meaning behind it.

“Your good qualities overshadow mine! I’m living in your shadow! Your talents and natural gifts are better than mine, and you’re getting more attention than I am! You make me feel inferior to you! So I’m going to put you in your place by crushing your self-worth! I’m going to convince you that you’re not that important and make you too afraid to show your good qualities! Then I can shine!”

“You make me want to…”

Anytime a bully mistreats you and says that you make them do it, they’re only telling you,

“ I’m afraid of being unmasked and being held responsible for my horrid behavior, so I’ve got to blame you so I can be let off the hook and leave you holding the bag! If I can make you look like the bully, I can keep on screwing with you anytime I want in the future because no one will believe you if you snitch on me again!”

“Nobody Likes You!”

What the bully is really saying:

“Nobody likes me either. They only pretend to. So I’m going to make you think Nobody wants you to crush your confidence! Then hopefully, you’ll withdraw from people and self-sabotage your own relationships!”

“I don’t like you!” or “I hate you!”

Here’s what the bully is really saying:

“You make me feel inferior! You intimidate me! You outshine me in some way! You have what I want and can never have! So, I’m going to hoodwink you into believing you did something to cause me to dislike or hate you and, hopefully, ruin your self-esteem!”

workplace bullying bully draws back to hit physical

Bullies have big egos. It always goes back to them. Bullies are all about “Me,” “Myself,” and “I.”

Understand that anytime a bully says these things to you without being provoked? The most likely reason is jealousy, and that they see you as a threat to their popularity.

Always remember that if this happens and leaves you bewildered, wondering what you did to deserve it!

Bewilderment is always your first clue!