Are you a softy who’s tired of being taken advantage of and wants to know how to stop being too nice?
Knowing how to stop being too nice is essential to good self-esteem and mental health. There’s nothing wrong with being kind. It’s a great virtue to have.
However, being too nice sets you up to be used and abused because we live in such an evil world. As someone who has made that mistake and found out the hard way, I’m giving you the most effective changes that you must know and make.
You will learn the exact behavior alterations you must make to stop being too nice so that you can take back your power and win respect.
After you learn what these changes are, you will reclaim your self-respect and the users, abusers, and bullies will avoid you and find someone else to use and devalue.
This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can win the respect you deserve and people will begin to take you more seriously.
How to Stop Being Too Nice
Before we delve into the changes you must make, you must first know what not to do. In other words, in order to know the right things to do, you must first know what you’re doing wrong so that you can fix it.
So, what are the signs that you’re being too nice and what are the behaviors that you need to avoid?
Here’s a rough description. You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.
Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.
Therefore, make no mistake about it.
There will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. In fact, a vast majority of them will.
Understand that the reason most people end up being too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. Furthermore, they feel they have no right to say no to anything and that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves.
Some people are too nice because they’re terrified of conflict.
They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Again, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!
The trick is to be kind but never be “nice.”
Kindness and niceness differ because kindness is healthy. A kind person gives to others without doing it at their own expense.
Niceness, on the other hand, is when you give at your own expense. In niceness, there is great suffering on the part of the giver.
Moreover, other people often use and abuse the giver. Instead of appreciating the giving person for their generosity, others only expect more from them.
Kind is healthy. Nice, on the other hand, is a one-way ticket to Doormat-ville!
In order to know how to stop being too nice, you must first recognize when you’re overdoing the niceties:
So, what is the first sign you’re too nice?
You put up with crappy treatment from people who don’t value you. Now how do you change this?
1. Never Tolerate Shabby Treatment.
Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.
Understand this. You can be kind without putting up with other people’s BS. You can still say no and set boundaries.
Moreover, it’s perfectly okay to disagree with people and stand up to bad behavior. Standing up for yourself and walking away from toxic environments and people isn’t wrong. It’s necessary!
Know that you are well within your rights to protect your time and your space. That’s what kind people do. They realize that if they don’t take care of their own needs, they’ll have no energy left to take care of others.
However, people who are too nice allow others to walk all over them. They suppress feelings of anger and indignation because others are constantly using and abusing them.
And why not, bullies, users and abusers are experts at reading people. They see the weakness and approval-seeking intentions behind the niceties.
Consequently, others outside this social dynamic will take notice, lose respect for you, and think you’re pathetic. Therefore, when someone treats you badly, meet them with the same attitude they brought to you.
Kind People Never Give at Their Own Expense!
In other words, respond in kind. Speak to the person in the only language they understand.
Learn how to stop being too nice and people will respect you. They’ll respect your time, your space, your privacy, and your rights to be treated with dignity.
The trick is to extend kindness to others and reserve your jerky side for only those who use, abuse, and disrespect you. Also, refuse to get sucked into any drama.
Continue to be kind. Extend to the janitor the same respect you give to the CEO. Treat people with low income and those who suffer homelessless with dignity.
Befriend the kid who has no friends at school. Be kind to the combat veteran with severe PTSD and who everyone thinks is mentally imbalanced.
Give your seat to the woman over 65 and using a walker or the eight-month pregnant woman. Be kind to those who are powerless and cannot do anything for you. For that’s the real test of character. This is what kind people do.
Don’t be too nice, but don’t be an unfeeling jerk either. And, for the love of Pete, never be a bully! Know that there’s a happy middle and stay in it.
So, what is the next sign you’re too nice?
You’re in the habit of over apologizing. So, how do you change this?
2. How to Stop Being too nice: stop apologizing so much.
Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.
Any time you apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with, others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you when you can’t give them what they want.
Moreover, they’ll blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame.
You must drop these people, pronto! Because they don’t care about you. They only care about what you can do to make their lives easier.
Apologies should only be given when they’re warranted and to the right people – those who truly care for you and who will understand.
So, what is another sign that you’re too nice?
Being a yes-person. You say yes to everything people ask, request, or demand. In other words, you say yes when you really want to say no.
3. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request.
Let this sink in right now! There’s nothing wrong with saying no when you’d rather not do something you don’t want to do. Period. Full stop!
No one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off. That’s understandable. However, don’t against your better judgment and say yes when you’d rather say no..
Here’s an example of when you should say no:
You’re dog tired because you’ve worked all day and can’t wait to fall into bed. Once your head hits the pillow and you begin dozing off, you hear a knock at the door.
Someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!
They need help and you passively agree to help them with or solve their problem. What’s really bad is that this person has done this many times before.
What you should do is tell this person to take a walk. These types of people should never darken your door at such a ridiculous hour unless it’s a life or death emergency!
Also, never rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. Don’t be an enabler.
Understand this! If you don’t learn to say no, you’ll end up a slave to the whims of others and you’ll never have any peace. Therefore, face your fear and say no, even if you’re afraid to.
It may feel scary or even weird at first. But, better to step out of your comfort zone now than to spend the rest of your life being everyone’s yes-boy.
Instead, make them all put their grownup britches on and take care of their own problems!
Here’s yet, another sign that you need to learn how to stop being too nice: you feel guilty for putting yourself first.
How do you change this behavior?
4. Knowing How to stop being too nice is Knowing that It’s okay to put yourself first.
In other words, stop feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs. You must take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.
Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.
Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.
Stand up for yourself when arrogant bullies attack you and don’t back down. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, just like the next person. Command the same well-treatment that everyone else has a right to.
What’s another sign you’re too nice? Taking on the moods of those around you.
5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let other’s moods around you affect yours.
For instance, instead of letting some Negative Nancy get you down, you make sure it doesn’t affect your good mood. Never allow other peoples’ funky attitudes rub off on you.
Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines above.
This post is all about how to stop being too nice so that you can reclaim your dignity and self-respect and forge stronger relationships.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence
2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?