I Never Wish I’d Been More Popular, I Wish I’d Loved and Respected Myself

I wish I had put myself first.

I wish I’d said “NO” a lot more than I did.

I wish I had been true to my own heart.

And I wish I had known my worth and realized my full potential.

In a nutshell, I wish I had been better at being me. But we all wish we’d done these things when we get older, don’t we? That we’d done something a little different- a bit better?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown a very thick skin and learned to handle any confrontation with composure and aplomb. As we get older, we shed that shell we curled up and hid in when we were younger. We grow to love and accept ourselves as we are and become comfortable in our own skins and let me tell you! It’s immense freedom that you can’t describe!

I’ve learned that the reason people bully is not because of something the victim has said or done and that it is not the fault of the victim.

The reason bullies bully is because they have issues, whether it be a bad case of narcissism, low self-esteem, problems at home, jealousy of something the victims have that they don’t, or they have something to prove. I’ve learned that bullies, at their very core, are great big cowards and attention-seekers. That knowledge alone is freeing!

Just knowing why unsavory people do harm only serves as a huge buffer to any psycho/emotional blows.

Today, I no longer get bullied by anyone, but if anyone tries, I am easily able to swiftly put the person in their place, or laugh and blow the idiot off. Instead of getting hurt or angry, I get amused by them and am usually able to have fun with it.

Unfortunately, that takes time, learning, and most of all experience. I feel a sense of regret when I think of all the years I spent feeling insecure and sorry for myself. What a total waste of my time and energy!

You mustn’t take anything your bullies say as the truth. You must know that their actions or words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! Hey! I know it’s hard not to, and I know it hurts. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when it seems that everyone, from every direction, is bombarding you with negativity.

However, I want you to love yourself and see the bullies for who they truly are- pathetic souls who are so desperately trying to look tough, smart, or cool. I want you to understand that bullies are trying their hardest to get attention. You must know your value. You also need to realize that some people are just wrong for you and do not belong in your life!

Most of all, rest assured that you will eventually find people who are right for you. And when you do, they will love you for being your loveable, beautiful, intelligent, and awesome self! There will come a day when you will be loved, appreciated, and celebrated for all that you are!

It happened to me, and if you don’t give up, it will happen to you too! You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Ever Be Put in a Position Where You Need Someone Else More Than They Need You


Ever! Why? Because it’s a trap and you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them. You will put yourself at the other’s mercy. Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner, you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends, or you seek attention because you feel deprived of it, you make yourself a slave to others. As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available, who’s always around, and (gasp!) who’s always chasing after approval and human connection. On the other hand, a person who’s rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you. However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left and to give these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation. They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Nine time out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly, because people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working and that they have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, they want you dependent on their say so.

Don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. And, in doing that, she gave up her independence and became totally dependent on him. After that, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

My very narcissistic grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. She allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job, promising her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. And less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Young brunette woman wearing white sweater gagged and tied with duct tape around wrists, facing camera, hostage concept.

He wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage.

My grandfather was the same to his oldest daughter, my aunt. He tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb. And when she married him, with my grandmother’s permission, but behind my grandfather’s back, he showed up at her new house and physically attacked her.

Why am I telling you this story? Because there’s a point to it and the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing- they want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets.

Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Bullies in government, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. You make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself and you do have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it. Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Sometimes Self-Care Means Making Heartbreaking Decisions

Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good, and sadly, some of those people may even be people you love very much.

You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with it. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was an excruciating decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed them very much.

No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks, they had made toward me and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

There’s no pain like mourning someone who’s still alive.

In both cases, we did not speak to one another for a few years. And we were not welcome in each other’s homes. During those two years, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving from time to time. No, “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing.

We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back the tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling, which always seemed to rear its ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one, and we reconciled, apologized, and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I could lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member, and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone, and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

That lesson is this:

Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people closer. Although painful when it happens, walking away may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often go up, and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Be Afraid to Be Alone


I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.

As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring and loving people to come in.


Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.

If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.


Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.

Positive change requires that we take risks!