‘Want to know what relational aggression is and how bullies use it to destroy you? Here are all the details about it, what it can do, and how you can protect yourself.
“Don’t Associate With Her!”
It’s bad enough when bullies mistreat you themselves. However, when they set out to prevent you from becoming friends with others besides them, that’s even worse.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn what relational aggression is, what it consists of, and why bullies use it against you.
Once you learn all about these bullying tactics and the harm they’re meant to cause, you will have a whole new understanding of it and how you can protect yourself against it.
This post is all about relational aggression and all that comes with it so that you can more effectively defend yourself against it.
Relational Aggression
Social and relational bullies are like obsessive exes who won’t allow you to move on from the hurt. You know the type- an ex who claims they don’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.
Therefore, they deliberately try to isolate you to wield power over you. Moreover, they want to make you believe that you need their approval to have friends who love you. In that, they want you to believe that you need their say so to live a happy life.
Here are the reasons bullies use this type of aggression.
1. To isolate you
Again, bullies want to isolate you from others. Why? To induce feelings of loneliness and alienation in you.
Moreover, they want to lessen any chances that you might get support and protection from others. Bullies know that if they succeed at this, they can bully you any time they feel like it.
Put another way, isolating you means that they can more safely continue, even escalate their attacks. If the bullies can turn everyone against you, then, again, you’re least likely to get support, and others will less likely hold them responsible for their behavior.
2. To instill shame in you
Another goal of these type of bullying is to instill shame in you. ‘You see? If bullies can cause you to feel shame, they can then make you believe you somehow deserve for them to bully you.
Therefore, you have less chance of fighting back or reporting them to authority.
3. Why Bullies Use Relational Aggression:
To get back at you for a real or perceived slight
Many times, bullies use relational aggression to get revenge on you. Bullies have fragile egos and are too easily offended.
Therefore, whether you meant the offense or not, your bullies will turn others against you to punish you for offending them.
4. They’re jealous of your good relationships with others.
Bullies always feel the need to compete with you (and everyone else). Therefore, if you have lots of friends and allies, they may be jealous that you have more friends than they do.
Moreover, they may also be jealous of your confidence, charm and charisma. Therefore, they have an intense desire to knock you down a peg or two.
5. For gratification and satisfaction
Lots of times, bullies do it just for the satisfaction of seeing you under stress or alienated from everyone. In fact, they get gratification in seeing you suffer. Period!
To some, this may sound a little far-fetched. However, there are a lot of sadistic people in the world and bullies can be the most sadistic.
6. Bullies Use Relational Aggression To Silence You
Think about this. If bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, the least likely others are to believe you when you report bullying.
Therefore, if no one believes you after you’ve spoken out a few time, the more likely you are to just give up, clam up, and not say another word about it.
And you’ll think, “what’s the point in speaking when no one listens to anything I have to say?” Therefore, you’ll soon feel you have no other choice than to stay quiet.
Bullies instinctively know this and you’d better believe it’s exactly what they’re counting on.
7. To have the freedom to bully you anytime they want
Again, if your bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, then they can succeed in isolating you. And once they isolated you, then they can bullying you at will. Why?
Because no one will help you and might even get enjoyment out of watching your bullies drag you through the mud. Therefore, who are you going to speak out to about what’s happening to you?
Therefore, there will be nothing to stop them.
8. For protection
If your bullies can turn people against you, then they have protection from any accountability. Moreover, if you try to defend yourself and stand up to them, others will more than likely take the bullies’ side and protect them.
9. Bullies Use Relational Aggression For Confirmation that you’re worthless
Your isolation would serve as confirmation that you really are a terrible person and completely worthless. Remember that bullies want to be right about you. Therefore, they can’t handle any proof that they just might be wrong about you.
10. to get favor from others
In turning others against you, bullies have more of a change of garnering favor from them… against you. Therefore, these people will serve as just another tool for them.
11. immunity from consequences
If everyone hates you, chances are that they’ll enjoy seeing you get bullied. Therefore, they won’t hold anyone who bullies you accountable.
12. power and domination over you
Once bullies succeed with their relational aggression and turn others against you, you are powerless. Therefore, your bullies have all the power to dominate you. And what can you do about it?
Therefore, these dozen reasons are the rewards your bullies reap from the use of social and relational aggression.
What are the tools of relational aggression?
1. Gossip
Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about your character and private life. Moreover, it has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace.
The purpose of gossip is to control your social status by demoting you on the social hierarchy. Another purpose of gossip is to justify any punishment you suffer.
And they justify it by promoting a collective view that you don’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.
Consequently, once you’re deemed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!
2. Rumors
Rumors are only stories about you without proof of fact. However, they pack a mighty punch because, if people want to believe it, it will be taken as truth.
Unlike gossip, which is shared between two people, rumors are spread over a town, company, school, or organization.
Rumors can either be made up, or they can start from a tiny grain of truth and grow bigger.
Therefore, rumors are another tool in the relational bully’s toolbox.
3. Another tool in Relational Aggression:
Smear Campaigns
Smear campaigns have a goal. They are deliberate attempts to damage your reputation and public image by spreading lies and malicious tales about you to defame you.
Also, during a smear campaign, bullies recruit many others to keep it going. Thus, the smear campaign is the most potent weapon in the relational bully’s arsenal.
Relational aggression goes through stages. Here’s the process:
1. First, your bullies watch you closely.
Relational bullies start by carefully observing you. They keep track of you to find out who you associate with, who you date, even who your family members are. Moreover, they dig up information about your life.
2. Once your bullies find out who you associate with, they cozy up to them and begin Telling them bad things about you.
When they find out who your friends are, they then drop subtle suggestions to them about you. They may tell your friends little white lies about you.
However, they may also take a more obvious approach and threaten them with harm for having any more to do with you. Bullies will also mistreat your partner and even go after your family.
Remember that bullies thrive on fear, and their goal is to isolate you and make you more vulnerable. Therefore, they do this by cutting you off from any possible sources protection or assistance.
3. During the third stage of relational aggression, They watch and wait as, one by one, friends slowly begin turning against you.
Once the rumor mill begins to do your bullies’ dirty work for them, they will watch and wait while gradually escalating the bullying.
However, they may make sure to keep things moving along by telling your friends that you’re saying terrible things about them behind their backs. Moreover, they may bait you into altercations.
Also, they may slyly instigate an altercation between you and a few of your former friends.
4. Once your bullies have succeeded in alienating you from everyone, they bully you freely and with impunity.
In other words, your bullies can bully you without limitations. Bullies can also keep you silent about the abuse. Moreover, you no longer have anyone to confide in about the abuse.
Therefore, you’ll likely suffer in silence. Why? Because you won’t be able to talk about the bullying without getting rebuffed or ridiculed.
Knowledge is power. Therefore, get wise to your bullies and relational aggression. It’s the first step in protecting yourself.
This post is all about relational aggression so that you can recognize it when it happens and take steps to protect yourself.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships
2. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It
3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.
4. A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You
5. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation