What “Crazymaking” is And Why Bullies Do It

December 11, 2021Leave a comment

crazymaking – a form of psychological attack on someone by offering contradictory alternatives, then criticizing the person for choosing either. (Dictionary.com)

When a bully uses the crazymaking tactic to attack the target, he/she puts the person in a lose-lose situation. It’s a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

For example, a bully may tell a woman she wears too much makeup, looks like a slut, and needs to tone it down a bit. So, the woman goes lighter on the makeup the next day, only to be told by the bully that she’s too barefaced and looks like a nun.

No wonder it’s called “crazymaking” because it can make you crazy if you let it. Understand the bullies do this to jerk you around and maintain their power over you. They have you jumping through hoops to win their approval because they have you feeling that you can’t do anything right.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Understand that crazymaking is covert verbal abuse. To protect yourself from it, you must first learn to recognize it when it happens to you.

A surefire way of identifying crazymaking is by noticing how it makes you feel. Crazymaking can:

Make you feel off-kilter and unsure of how to defend yourself
Make you feel lost and confused
Make you feel blindsided
Make you feel discombobulated or disoriented
Give you mixed signals and messages but make you too afraid to ask for clarification
Make you feel extreme discomfort around the bully
Make you feel jerked around and toyed with
Make you want to walk away from the bully but only leave you frozen
Make you feel bewilderment
Make you feel that something is “off”

PTSD

Make no mistake. This is how your bullies get their kicks. They enjoy this because, again, it gives them a huge rush of power and makes them feel superior to have some sucker bending over backward to win their approval. Understand that this is a game! And your efforts to conform to a bully’s standards are pointless because bullies will only continue changing the rules and moving the goalposts. After all, bullies are notorious megalomaniacs who quickly get drunk on their power.

So, you must know your worth. That means knowing that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standards but yours. You are the only person who knows your likes and dislikes. You are the only person who has the authority to choose what you want, how you want it, what you do, how you do it, and so forth.

Who are they to criticize you? Your life is your life, and you have the right to live it on your terms. Do what makes you happy, and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it.

The only way you’ll be able to battle crazymaking successfully is to have confidence and a strong sense of self. You must know yourself and be secure in yourself. Only then will you have no tolerance for this type of behavior, and therefore, crazymaking bullies have no power over you.

Why Seasoned Bullies Prefer Psychological/Emotional Bullying

July 8, 2021Leave a comment

Why? Because this type of harassment offers easy deniability.

Unlike the physical kind, Psycho/Emotional bullying is less evident to others outside the bully-victim dynamic because it leaves no visible bruises, cuts, or wounds. Therefore, the target has no proof that any bullying ever took place. The bullies can easily deny any incidences if the victim becomes fed up and either assert themselves or reports the harassment to an authority figure.

Afterward, the bullies can brand the target as mentally unstable, destroy his/her credibility, reputation, and relationships, then retaliate against the victim by continuing and escalating the harassment later.

Remember that the most talented bullies are the biggest cowards and the most successful actors and actresses. They have methods of harassment that are well-planned in advance.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Human being with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

They go to great lengths to prevent themselves from being exposed. They’re incredibly crafty, committing their attacks ever so slowly and subtly, undercover and behind a veil of superficial charm, fake playfulness, and deceit.

These types of bullies are often in the Preppy/Popular crowd at school or in the Good Ole’ Boy Clique at work because of their superior social skills, ability to read people and predict others’ reactions. They have a talent for keeping up appearances.

They are usually well-liked by teachers, school staff, supervisors, managers, and CEOs. They excel in studies, join clubs or sororities/fraternities, and make themselves out to be high performers at work by stealing others’ ideas and work.

Because their popularity and extreme likeability serve as a shield from accountability and add a lot of weight to their lies and deceit, they often get away with bullying others.

If you live in a small town, they likely come from families who have powerful connections, which is all the more reason why they must keep up appearances. Many of these kinds of harassers are highly skilled wordsmiths, which is why they are such good liars and seem to have the right answer or justification for anything.

Bullies of this kind also have followers. They’re too chicken to get their hands dirty, so if they want to cause any physical harm to their target, they will often send one of their sycophants to do it for them, being sure to offer money and social status as possible incentives to get the job done and stay quiet.

But understand that most of their followers don’t like them; they only kiss and cover their butts to get something from them- their approval and the power and social status that comes with it.

Bullies on top of the pecking order will also use their social skills to take advantage of the mentally disabled (kids with Down’s Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Traumatic Brain Injury, etc.) and the physically disabled (kids with Diabetes, Lupus, heart defects, and food allergies; kids who are paraplegic, etc.).

They also target kids with weight issues (overweight or underweight), those with low self-esteem, or those younger and smaller.

And most of the abuse they dish out to these kids is strictly psychological or emotional because they’re such cowards! Otherwise, they wouldn’t select such vulnerable kids to push around in the first place.

Since you have to go to school or work with these types and there is no way to avoid these types of people or to go no-contact, I want you to see through these self-entitled, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied wimps so that you can learn their weaknesses and expose them for your own protection.

You must get into the minds of these bullies. You must think as they do even though it’s not a pleasant place to properly defend yourself, and I’ll tell you! The souls of such people can be downright ugly!

Sometimes it takes getting just as low, just as sneaky, and just as nasty as your attacker if you ever want to expose them for what they are before they back off.

The more you know, the more you’re prepared, the better you can protect yourself from such people.

Here Are Some Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets

February 19, 2021Leave a comment

blame accuse pointing finger

Gaslight- to manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their sanity.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects a target and begins their reign of terror over the chosen victim, they will do everything possible to maintain that dominance. Also, understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at the victim’s expense. Abusing their targets gives bullies a rush of power and a sense of authority and control.

If there is a culture of bullying at a school, workplace, or community, bullies are also rewarded with attention, high social status and promotions from others while the target suffers the opposite. And a bully will fight like crazy to keep those benefits should the target speak out and shed light on the behavior.

Once the target sees the behavior for what it is and begins to assert their right to be treated fairly, bullies will become angry and afraid. They will see the target as a threat to their power and increase the harassment to subdue, silence and punish the person.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by emotionally abusing, brainwashing, and psychological abuse to disempower the target and make themselves seem bigger and better than what they are. They use these methods because psycho/emotional bullying leaves no physical evidence and is much easier to deny.

They do this by convincing their target (and everyone else) that he/she is defective or no good, thereby stripping the target’s confidence and self-esteem.

Here are ways bullies gaslight their targets:

1. Persistent lying
Bullies tell vague lies and trying to convince you that you are mentally unstable, less than, deserving of the mistreatment, or that you’re somehow defective. Bullies will make statements to others such as,

toxic brainwashing

“He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”

“She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”

“Who gives a #$% about his feelings! He doesn’t matter!”

“She brought it all on herself!”

Bullies will also tell their targets things like:

“What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”

“I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”

Displeased woman looking at her growing nose and trying to stop it with her finger isolated on white background

“You’re just being (paranoid, overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”

“Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”

“You’re so (arrogant, retarded, crazy, ugly, fat, skinny, etc.) nobody believes a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Bullies deliberately repeat these lies over and over again and for a long time to convince the target that they are right. Understand that this constant repetition has a purpose! To instill insecurity in the victim, wear them down and force him/her to resign themselves and acquiesce.

It serves to brainwash the target and force him/her to believe the bully’s lies. As a result, the target becomes riddled with confusion, social anxiety and shame. Eventually, the person loses the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is the bully’s strategy to render control and keep the target under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Wearing the Target Down and forcing him/her to agree with them.
Bullies continue to put the target down and marginalize them until he/she is so tired or afraid of defending against them that the person shuts down, grows numb to the abuse and surrenders to the bullies.

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

3. Become Highly Aggressive When the Target Calls Out the Abuse
Bullies may try to maintain their power by intensifying and escalating the attacks in addition to blaming and shaming the target. Understand that this is designed to subdue and further subjugate the person by intimidation and to force him/her into silence and submission. It also allows the bully to escape accountability and to have a green light for continued and future attacks.

(More to come in Part 2…)

Bullying and “Crazymaking”

December 8, 2020Leave a comment