Tag: comebacks

how to disarm a bully at school

How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

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‘Want to know how to disarm a bully so that you can keep your personal power and maintain your dignity? As someone who has overcome bullies this way, I’m giving you the most powerful comebacks that every target of bullying must know about.

how to disarm a bully

Verbal and emotional bullying poisons the minds and the lives of so many victims each year. But what if you could instantly come back with a quick, calm jab? One that throws your bullies off balance, while preserving your dignity, self-esteem, and personal power?

You’re going to learn how to disarm a bully with calm and smart, but ego-deflating comebacks that will leave you standing strong and your bullies, stunned.

Once you learn all these empowering comebacks, you will be ready for any insult, zinger, or smart remark any bullies hurl your way.

This post is all about how to disarm a bully so that you can buffer yourself from even subtle verbal attacks and battle bullying with confidence and poise.

How to disarm a bully

Lets face it, bullies are creative and inventive when it comes to hurling insults and subtle jibes. Moreover, they have a flare for delivering the most brutal and humiliating burns.

Worse even, bullies often do it in public to humiliate you in front of everyone and their mother. Therefore, they blindside you, leaving you shocked, speechless, mortified, and desperately trying to think up a good comeback.

Fortunately, here are a few comebacks you can you use to disarm these brutes and throw them into a tailspin.

1. “Someone must have really hurt you in your past.”

This shifts the blame where it belongs. Onto the bully. By implying that they are an angry, bitter person, you softly and subtly jab them with an insulting comeback without being too noticeable.

In that, you keep your power and make the bully appear weak in front of others while keeping your dignity and self-respect. This little zinger keeps you on the winning end while exposing the bully for the miserable individual they really are. YAY, YOU!

2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This comeback allows you to apologize without accepting any blame. Moreover, it implies that the bully is the one with the problem and not you.

Therefore, use this comeback when a toxic person calls you a name or hurls an insult.

3. How to Disarm a Bully:

Come back with, “You must have a pretty miserable life.”

Like comeback number 1, this keeps the negative spotlight on the bully by implying that they have no control over their life. Moreover, it suggests that they are only trying to compensate for it by trying to control how you feel about yourself.

Ouch!

It saves your dignity while making the bully look like a weak little punk. Therefore, you win with this little dig because you preserve your personal power.

4. “You don’t have to behave like this to impress people.”

Yikes! With this comeback, you imply that the bully is trying to show out. And a show-off is an insecure person who isn’t happy just being themselves.

In other words, you call the bully a poser without actually using those words. You put the obnoxious person in their place while keeping your dignity.

You little wiseacre, you! Way to go!

5. “Does it make you feel bigger to act like a jerk or are you trying to impress people?”

With this comeback, you more directly call the bully out on their behavior. Moreover, you plant the seed in the minds of anyone around that they either don’t feel good about themselves unless they’re making others feel badly, or they’re trying to show off.

In that, you deflate the bully’s ego. And, if there’s an audience around, all the better for you and worse for the person trying to put you down.

6. How to Disarm a Bully:

“There are other ways of getting attention besides being a (jerk, asshole, etc.).”

Ouch! You’re directly saying that your instigator is trying to get attention. And attention-seekers are pathetic! All the while, you keep your power and your dignity.

Moreover, others will snicker at the bully when you deliver this little stinger.

7. “I wonder what happened to you that turned you into such a (jerk, heel, etc.).”

With this comeback, you imply that the bully is weak and powerless while empowering yourself.

8. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. But that person wasn’t me.”

Again, you make the bully look weak and powerless while making them look miserable and bitter too. Two insults in one!

Moreover, you make yourself look like the smarter person and maintaining your dignity.

9. How to disarm a bully:

“Someone must have really screwed you over in the past. Otherwise you wouldn’t be this angry, bitter person.”

As with the others, you shift blame back to the bully while keeping your dignity. Moreover, you do it by implying that the bully is bitter because someone made them feel powerless and insignificant in the past.

This is how you put bullies in their place without name-calling. You insult them with a softer touch. Good job!

10. How to disarm a bully:

“You’re not a very happy person, are you?”

This is the way to ensure that any blame stays where it belongs. On the bully! This comeback implies that the bully is a miserable soul that can only achieve happiness by insulting others.

Moreover, you make them look powerless over their own lives while maintaining control over your own reactions.

11. “I’m sorry you’re so unhappy.”

With this comeback, you achieve the same results as with number 10.

12. “I’m so sorry you feel so small.”

Ouch! You imply that the bully feels weak and that the only way they can feel strong is to make you feel bad about yourself. Great job!

13. How to disarm a bully:

“Relax. Take a break. You don’t have to work so hard to make people like you.”

Again, OUCH! With this little stinger, you imply that your bully is simping for approval. Therefore, you call them a simp without using the words while empowering yourself.

Note:

These comebacks also work best when done in public, in front of bystanders and witnesses. Therefore, have fun! Because delivering good comebacks to bullies in front of an audience is pretty doggone fun!

But most importantly, it helps you keep your power while prompting the bully to think twice before messing with you again.

How to disarm a bully with body language:

1. When a bully cuts their eyes at you

Return the gesture. Moreover, if she tries to stare you down, never look away because she will only take that as fear. Then, from then on, you’ll be her new source of power.

Therefore, always glare back without blinking and stand with your feet apart and arms akimbo to take up some space. This is known as a “power pose.”

You may have to stand that way and stare for a while if she sees your response as a challenge. However, if you hold your position long enough, she’ll finally get tired and move on.

Understand that any time a person uses this type of body language toward you without provocation, they are clearly saying that they’re superior to you and attempting to dominate you.

So, always, always reciprocate any dirty looks and dominate or intimidating body language. Assert your power this way, and soon, the bully will get the message that you’re confident, fearless, and not one she should mess with.

How to disarm a bully:

It’s not what you say, it’s what you do.

In short, it’s not what you say. It’s what you do. Nonverbal communication is around ninety percent of communication. Talk is cheap, and if your words don’t match your body language, bullies will pick up on it, and they will eat you alive!

If you’re the timid type, there are plenty of books you can read to learn confident body language and power pose. Once you read, practice, and learn what nonverbal cues convey power, you must practice those poses until they become comfortable to you.

Remember that bullies always target someone they perceive to be lacking in confidence, timid, and insecure because that person is least likely to fight back. To look confident, fearless, and secure, practice open body language.

Again, stand with your feet apart and arms uncrossed (crossed arms are closed body language and make you look insecure and untrustworthy). When a bully confronts you, never look down or away.

Always look the bully in the eye, and she will see that you aren’t afraid and likely move on to someone else.

In other words, mirror any hostile body language you get from bullies to disarm them. Why? Because they won’t expect that response from you and it will shock them into not toying with you again.

This post was about how to disarm a bully so that you can maintain your power and keep your dignity.

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

What Bullies Want You to Believe & What You Should Believe

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Understand that bullies thrive on power and control. If they can’t control you, they’ll control how others view you. Also, they’ll use redundancy and repetition to make you believe their lies too. Here’s what they’re most likely to try and get you to think of yourself and what you should believe:

1.What bullies want you to believe

Apart from us, you can do nothing, you are nothing, and you never will be.

What you should believe

Apart from you, I’m better off. I can do anything I set my mind to do, I’m somebody, and later down the line, I’m going to be great and do great things.

2. What bullies want you to believe

You’ll never find happiness without our permission.

What you should believe

I don’t need your permission to be happy. I’m much happier without losers like you in my life.

3. What bullies want you to believe

Nobody will ever like or love you.

What you should believe

Maybe you never will, but I don’t mind because you don’t matter. There will be others who’ll love me for me. I’ll find my tribe.

4. What bullies want you to believe

You’re nothing without our approval.

What you should believe

I’m nothing with it because you are nothing. I don’t need your “approval” because it will never define me. Your opinion matters not because, for something to matter, you must first value it.

Therefore, always counter the statements, including the unspoken ones. You’ll be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem and your spirit!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Another Bullying Tactic- Barking Orders

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When bullies order the target around, they deny his/her equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, bullies only bark off orders as if the target were their subordinate or subject. Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of the person. Understand that bullies don’t have to be bosses or authority to order you around.

Here are some examples of orders and what you can say to counter them:

“Get (your ass) in here!”

“Screw you!”

“Come back here now!”

“Or what?”

“Clean this (shit) up!”

“YOU clean it up!”

“Don’t walk away from me!”

“I just did!”

“You’re not leaving!”

“Watch me!”

“I wanna talk to you!”

“Get lost!”

“I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

“Drop dead!”

“Pick that up!”

“Up yours!”

“Sit down!”

“YOU sit down!”

“Shut up!”

“YOU shut up!”

“Move!”

“YOU move!”

Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers or your parents or grandparents. And if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks off an order, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy, self-esteem and keep feeling good about yourself.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Determined Bullies: Why They Hate It When You Counter Their Attacks

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It’s because any time you counter a bully, not only do you restore your self-esteem, but you also restore the balance of power. In other words, you take back your personal power, the very thing your bullies are trying to take away from you.

This puts bullies in panic mode because they feel that if they lose power over the target, they’ll then lose power over everyone and everything. To further break this down, the bullies are afraid they will lose face, and with that, they will lose respect, credibility, allies, and support. Then, they will become the bullied.

Bullies have an obsessive fear of going from hunters to the hunted. And why not? You aren’t the only person they’ve bullied. There were many others before you and bullies know all too well that most normal people hate people like them, and love to see them get what’s coming to them.

Everyone loves to see a bully get brought down and once a bully is brought down, no one will ever allow them to get up again, to put it figuratively.

This is why bullies will pull out all the stops to keep their targets under their control. If the bullies cannot control their targets, they control nothing. Most people are still under the presumption that targets are weak and if a bully can no longer dominate the target others will see that and the bully will be at everyone else’s mercy.

Others will look at the failed bully and think, “Wow! If he can’t handle a wimp like him (the target) then he really couldn’t handle me! This is a juicy opportunity! I can punk this creep out so easily!”

The bully then becomes the new man on the bottom. Gasp! Because if you can’t overpower the person who’s deemed the weakest link in the bunch, then you become the new weakest link! Ouch! Talk about a humbling situation!

Therefore, the bully retaliates against the target for daring to stand their ground and assert their basic rights, the target counters again, and the bully only hates the target that much more. And with each provocation from the bully and each counter the target delivers- each wise crack, each sarcastic comeback, each clever witticism the target returns, the more determined the bully is to tip the scales of power back in his favor and save face.

With the target’s counter jab comes pain and humiliation for the bully and the human reflex is always to punish or eliminate the cause of that pain and humiliation. And the punishment can come in psychological or physical form.

When a target stands up to a bully, the bully feels stripped of power because the target just upset that power imbalance and took back her power. Therefore, the bully retaliates to restore the power imbalance and retake the target’s personal power.

In cases like these, targets have two choices, either keep fighting back with counterattacks or give up and feel even worse about themselves later. And most targets who’ve had enough will keep fighting until the bully gives up and leaves them alone.

And I would encourage them to do so because, eventually, bullies will give up after being humiliated so many times, then they’ll slink off with their tails between their legs and find another person to dominate. Remember that bullies must always have a victim. It’s sad and pathetic but it’s true. But all you should concern yourself with at this point is that they leave you alone. Then later, once you heal and recover from the exchange, you can help the new target.

With knowledge comes empowerment!