Tag: bullying

unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

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‘Want to know exactly how to go about beating bullies at their own game? Here are 9 proven and effective tactics every bullied victim must know.

beating bullies at their own game

When bullies target you, it can leave you overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. Why? Because it seems that they knock you down at every turn, then keep you down. However, there are easy ways of beating bullies at their own game. You just need to know how to do it and do it successfully.

As someone who’s experienced it and learned the art of beating bullies at their own game, I’m giving you the nine easy but effective ways to outfox and outmaneuver your bullies.

In this post, you will learn the nine most effective ways to win against your bullies and become virtually invincible to bullies.

Once you learn these so-easy-it-shouldn’t-work strategies, you will rise above your bullies and become your own hero.

This post is all about beating bullies at their own game and the techniques you should use to do it successfully.

Beating bullies at their own game

Let’s get right into it! Here are the nine easy strategies you can use to turn the tables on your bullies.

1. See your bullies’ behavior for what it is, know where it comes from and realize the intentions behind it.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. This is a weakness and you can use it as such if you know how.

Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors and if you’re a target of bullying, you’ve probably had people do the same to you on more than one occasion.

However, the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is, where it comes from, and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening.

Instead, it becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

Beating bullies at their own game means realizing that your bullies are miserable and pitiful souls.

Moreover, it must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol! Bullies must carry around all that baggage and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you.

All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later! All that effort to bring you down! And for what?

Attention? Is the meanness designed to intimidate those they find threatening?  Maybe the bullies want to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone. Or, they may think it makes them look big and tough.  They may think their behavior looks cute.

Nevertheless, the end goal is to feel better about themselves and more superior.

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. However, after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap.

Moreover, there comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did.

As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

2. Beating bullies at their own game: Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.

Watch the bullies continue the same worn-out behaviors, making arses of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. They may even use gaslighting to prompt you to get defensive.

Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. However, it store bores you to death because, again, you just don’t care.

Therefore, you no longer react to it. You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open.

Again, bullies don’t realize that, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, they eventually reduce their effectiveness and become a real yawn. Moreover, your bullies become so pathetic in your eyes that you can’t help but to shake your head in pity.

So, understand that here are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

3. Keep being yourself.

In other words, don’t let their childish behavior change you. Again, this takes re-framing your mindset to see their behavior as an indicator that there is something wrong with them and not you.

Therefore, relax, be yourself, and let the haters hate.

4. Beating bullies at their own game: Keep taking care of yourself.

Put simpler, keep doing the things fulfill you and creating the life you desire. Practicing self-care is of the most importance when people bully you.

Eat right, exercise, take care of your physical and mental health.

The key here is to create your own happiness and well-being.

5. Focus on and take care of the people you love and who love you.

Instead of focusing on the people who could care less about you and want to see you suffer, focus on the people who love you and who lift you up. Usually, these people are your closest family members and friends.

Moreover, realize that those who don’t see your worth shouldn’t live in your head rent free. So, promptly evict them because they aren’t worthy of one ounce of your energy.

Also, work to create happy moments with these people because they love you and want nothing but the very best for you. Attend family gatherings or host them. Take trips with these wonderful souls. Stay connected with your people.

6. Beating bullies at their own game: Pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Work on your goals and focus on the things you wish to accomplish. This is, by far, the best way to handle bullies. Why? Because when you keep your mind on your goals and dreams, you’ll have no time to think about your bullies.

And, if you don’t think about them, they can’t control you. Heck, they can’t even phase you. And that’s a win for you and a loss for them. Remember that bullies try to get your attention. This is the best way to avoid giving it to them.

7. Get out and enjoy nature.

In other words, go for a walk in the woods. Or, you can go to the park and read a good book on a beautiful fall day. Whatever you love to do outdoors, whether it’s lying on the beach or walking your dog on a walking trail, get outside and enjoy nature.

It’s the best way to recharge, relax, and unwind. Also, it drives away depression because it releases endorphins. Moreover, it gives you lots of vitamin D3 from the sun!

8. Learn new things.

In other words, read, write, and look for lessons life can teach you. The point is not to let yourself stagnate. If you’re not learning new things, you stagnate very easily and that only brings depression.

Therefore, always take the opportunity to learn new things. For example, you could take a course or go to the library and check out a good self-help book to read. Whatever way you choose to learn, always strive to acquire new knowledge.

Your mental health will thank you! I guarantee it!

9. Pay them no mind and keep doing you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

Moreover, once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up.

Therefore, realize that it’s about self. The key is to stop focusing outward and start focusing inward. In other words, work on yourself. Why? Because, as stated earlier, when you’re too busy working on yourself, your bullies become irrelevant very quickly. As they should.

Realize that the reason bullies act the way that they do is because they have no lives. Moreover, they have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they try to take control over yours. Bullies truly are the most miserable of humans on earth. And once you realize this proven fact, they will no longer be an issue.

This is how you beat bullies at their own game!

This post was all about beating bullies at their own game so that you can finally take back your peace and therefore, control over your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

discouraged

When Others Tell You You Can’t: 8 Reasons They Discourage You

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When others tell you, “You Can’t,” does it annoy you or does it cause you to believe in yourself a little less each time they say it?

Understand that there are reasons why people say this. ‘Wanna know what those reasons are?

when others tell you you can't

When you have people telling you that you can’t do, be or accomplish something, it can be a real morale-killer. Sadly, victims of bullying and abuse hear this reply a lot! If you’re one of these people like I was, you must know why they do it.

In this post, you will learn the reasons why others tell you, “you can’t.” You’ll also learn the exact motivations and intentions behind it.

Once you learn all these reasons, motivations, and intentions and the place the statement comes from, you will be better able to blow it off and do it anyway.

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t”

“When others tell you, “you can’t,” they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”

– Cherie White –

There are reasons why people discourage you. Sometimes, it’s unintentional. However, more often, it’s purposeful. Here are the reasons why they say this and why you should let it go in one ear and out the other.

1. Jealousy

Many times, people abuse and mistreat you because they are more aware of your potential than you are. In other words, they are jealous of that potential.

Understand that these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your dreams and try their hardest to make you ashamed of them so that you’ll stop pursuing them.

They know that if they can convince you to stop pursuing those dreams and worse, stop believing in yourself, they just might steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.

It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!

2. When others tell you, “you can’t,” It’s because your success would be a threat to their power

This is especially true with bullies and abusers. Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.

Understand that these people just aren’t happy people. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?

Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?

Therefore, if you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults and horrible names, they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.

 Moreover, when people say that you will never amount to anything nor achieve anything, it’s because they want you to believe it. And, if you allow them to convince you that you’re nothing, you will unknowingly began to live up to it.

Therefore, you’ll only play right into their hands. You must never allow yourself to be taken in by these monsters. Hold on to your confidence no matter what! Refuse to believe their hogwash!

3. To tear down your confidence.

Some people are envious of your confidence and do everything possible to destroy it. Therefore, they constantly belittle you and put you down.

However, you must know why they do it. And that’s to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. Again, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.

Confidence alone is enough to threaten bullies.

4. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s Because they’re afraid you’ll show them up.

Moreover, they’re afraid that you’ll prove them all wrong and force them to back-peddle and eat every nasty word that came out of their mouths about you.

Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up. Even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.

Why? Because when the perceived underdog makes a huge accomplishment, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the over-dogs. Moreover, he exposes them by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.

In other words, when you become a winner, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do. You also remind them of everything they never could and will never be.

It is as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them their nude reflections. You reflect back to them the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.

Therefore, it’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.

“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”

This is exactly what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.

5. At their core, they are miserable, bitter, and afraid.

Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. Therefore, they put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. Your bullies and abusers must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.

Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.

As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.

You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.

So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!

6. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s because They want to stay superior to you.

In other words, they don’t want you to be equal and they for damn sure can’t stand the thought of you being superior to them! Noooo!

7. To make you nervous

Why? Because they know that when a person is nervous, they’re likely to make mistakes.

Think about it. When you’re extremely nervous, you drop things and trip over stuff. Why?  Because the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. In other words, it makes you clumsy. The human stress response is a tricky little devil!

You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse. Moreover, you become fearful of screwing up and afraid to fail. You’re also afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely.

Also, you know that your mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.

For example, a bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.

And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when nerves take over.

Additionally, when your mind and body are in panic mode, your brain begins to rewire itself for a hostile environment. It does this after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment.

Therefore,  the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!

8. When Others Tell You, “You Can’t,” It’s only To Psychologically sabotage you

Realize that this is nothing more than a psychological operation that bullies employ to trick your mind into believing that you just might fail. Therefore, do not, no matter what, allow these people to manipulate you this way!

Why? Because they really will cause you to self-sabotage and fail if you do.

This is why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school. Also, it’s why victims of workplace bullying often have work projects that decline.

As a result, teachers and supervisors look at victims of bullying as failures and nuisances.

You may need to leave the toxic environment.

This is why you must get out of the bullying environment and away from those poisonous people if the bullying seems to get worse. Your life and your life chances depend on it.

And once you’re out of that toxic place, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!

Moreover, you’ll be astonished at how your grades in school skyrocket and your performance at work drastically improves!

Why? Because the nervousness will fade quickly. Therefore, you will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.

The relief will be so great! You will have the feeling of coming up for air after having your head held underwater. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start anew!

It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.

Also, because you’ll be a fresh face.  In most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.

Once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. I guarantee it!

When Others Tell You, “You Can’t” – In Summary:

If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, expect bullies and even people who aren’t bullies to discourage you. Moreover, If you happen to be a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.

See it for what it’s designed to do. And that is to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing.

Even bullies know that if you keep trying  long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.

Realize that bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior.

Moreover, understand that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.

Proverbially, any success you enjoy only takes your bullies down a notch or two.  This makes them angry. Therefore, they want to put you back in your place.

Therefore, when you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. No way will they allow you to upstage them.

When this happens, don’t feel bad but feel good about it. Why? Because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant. Look forward to when others tell you, “you can’t.”

Then let it go in one ear and out the other and keep working hard. Moreover, never apologize for any successes you’ve had.

This post is all about how to respond when others tell you, “you Can’t,” so that you can ignore the naysayers, save your self-esteem and keep striving to reach your goals!

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

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Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

people pleasing behavior

Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

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 The disadvantages of being a people-pleaser are many. However, there are still so many people, especially targets of bullying, under the misguided belief that putting others’ needs before your own will gain them positive results.

disadvantages of being a people pleaser

It’s because they don’t know what the disadvantages of being a people pleaser are. Otherwise, they’d make a few changes in how they try to influence others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the disadvantages of being a people pleaser and the adjustments you must make to win respect.

Once you learn all about these consequences, it will motivate you to stop overdoing putting others’ needs before yours and make sure to get a few of your needs met.

Moreover, you will finally get people to stop using you and finally get the respect you so deserve.

This post is all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to encourage you to take care of yourself as well as you take care of others.

Disadvantages of Being A People Pleaser

Before we get into the disadvantages of being a people pleaser, let’s first find out why people, mainly, targets of bullying and abuse,  do it.

As I’ve mention before in other posts, many targets of bullying obey others demands because their bullies have brainwashed them. By retaliating and inflicting harm on the victim whenever he refuses their demands, the bullies send the message that the next time he refuses to submit, they will punish him for it.

 Moreover, there have been times when saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they intensely fear asserting themselves.

Victims of bullying quickly adapt to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, some linger on in the same situation for years on end.

It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

Bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer.

Also, we all know that bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer. Know that this type of attitude comes from a sense of entitlement and superiority.

Toxic bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to stand firm. Therefore, you absolutely must hold your ground no matter what it costs.

Understand that it’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Know that people who are genuinely kind also have a healthy self-esteem. They know who they are and what they want. They’re giving and generous, but not at their own expense. They give from love, because they want to give.

However, a people pleaser has low self-esteem and their giving and generosity comes from fear instead of love. They give because they feel no one will like them if they don’t.

So, what are the disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

Here are 7 consequences.

1. You end up feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

Each and every human being on the face of the earth was born with a mind and a will of their own. In order to be truly free, you need to have your own choices and some degree of control over your life’s trajectory.

Constantly catering to others’ wants and needs while placing yours on the back burner can leave you stressed out, tired, and worst of all, used and abused.

You may eventually adapt to it. However, others on the outside of the dynamic will watch you being used and doing everything for everyone else. As a result, they’ll think it’s okay for them to use you too.

Consequently, you’ll then have even more people making requests or outright demands then you did before. This is only one reason why people pleasing is never good.

2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

In other words, other people are taking up so much of your time with their problems that you have none left to take care of your own.

Understand that you cannot be there for everyone all the time. You must assert time boundaries and make time to do the things you need and want to do as well.

After all, you only have so much time on this earth. Why waste so much of it trying to keep other people happy instead of focusing on your own happiness as well?

You can’t please everyone all the time. So, stop spending your life this way.

 3. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: You have no time for yourself.

Again, this is where setting time boundaries is important. Everyone needs time to themselves to rewind and recharge and you’re no exception. Some people need more of it then others.

Therefore, take time for yourself each day and practice self-care. You deserve it after all you put up with, I promise you!

4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

Yet again, time boundaries, baby! Just as you take care of other people’s problems, you must take care of yours as well.

Understand that your priorities come before theirs. So, be sure that your productivity isn’t taking a hit before you make any commitments to anyone else.

If at any time some creep doesn’t respect your time, you must show them the door, fast! Then lock it behind you. A person who is so self-centered that they get angry because you have no time for them, doesn’t deserve one more second from you.

Therefore, rather than fear their anger, see it for what it is. It’s a big clue as to what kind of person they are and how much they really care about you. So, respond accordingly.

 5. One of the social disadvantages of being a people pleaser is that Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

This cannot be stressed enough! Say yes to people too many times, and others will see you as a doormat. People don’t respect doormats, they wipe their muddy feet on them.

Moreover, people who have no boundaries, morals, or integrity will take full advantage and use you as their go-to anytime they need or want something. But, they’ll disappear like magic whenever it is that you need help.

Also, bullies and abusers see you as an easy target.

People Watch you all the time.

Even worse, they may even treat you like garbage. Understand that people watch you all the time. Decent people watch you to see if you are a good person and a worthy friend or associate.

On the other hand, human predators watch you to see what they can possibly get away with. They study you closely to suss out whether you’d make an easy target.

Therefore, two things will happen once people catch a whiff of neediness from you. And that’s what people-pleasing is. It’s needy behavior because it seeks approval and admiration from others.

1. Decent, good, and healthy people will have nothing to do with you because they see you as pathetic and don’t want to be responsible for “fixing” you.

2. Bullying and predatory people will see you as pathetic too, yes. But they’ll hang around only so they can use, abuse, and control you.

This is why you absolutely must set and, if need be, enforce boundaries and do it firmly!

 6. Disadvantages of being a people pleaser: It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

When people lose respect for you, it can deliver a huge blow to your self-esteem, causing it to sink even lower than it already was.

I hate to say it but it’s true. Low self-esteem is a turn off. It only attracts unsavory people while repelling the good healthy types.

There’s a reason why people who are confident attract most people and make them want to be friends and be around them. It’s because the people a confident person draws to them are people who also feel good about themselves. These are healthy, quality people.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, attracts those with low self-esteem or those who are evil – low quality people. Therefore, you must stop trying to people please and work on raising your self-esteem so that you can begin attracting people who are high quality.

7. It causes you to feel anger and resentment, not only at the people who constantly use you, but toward yourself for allowing them to.

Believe me, once enough people have used and abused you for so long. You’ll begin feeling anger an resentment. Not only will you resent the people you allow to walk over you, but you’ll resent yourself for letting them to it.

In fact, you’ll feel like a complete jackass! And there’s no worse feeling then to feel you were foolish for letting others use you like a dishrag.

However, you do have the power to make it right. And how you make it right and alleviate those toxic feelings is to begin placing your own priorities ahead of theirs.

Be prepared for some to respond harshly once you begin taking care of your needs first.

They may not like it and they may even react harshly to you once you begin putting yourself first. But the good thing is that, through their behavior, these people will show you exactly who they are. And this will be your cue to get rid of them once and for all.

 If nothing else, realize this. Most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Always remember that.

This post was all about the disadvantages of being a people pleaser to give you cues for when it’s time to make the changes you need to make and make yourself a priority.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

5. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

bullying and self confidence at school

Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

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Bullying and self confidence can exist when you’re being bullied. In other words, there are ways you can continue to be confident when you endure bullying.

‘Want to know how to do it? Here are 7 steps to keeping your confidence up when others continue to bully you.

bullying and self confidence

Bullies can crush your self confidence, that much is true. But only if you let them. As someone who has been there, I’m giving you the steps you need to preserve your self-esteem.

In this post you will learn ways to save your confidence when others bully you.

Once you learn about these steps, it will become easier to continue feeling good about yourself when others try to drag you down.

As a result, you will have the courage to stand up to bullies and make your own choices.

This post is all about bullying and self confidence. It also explains the tips that will help you stand strong against bullying and lead a happier and healthier life.

Bullying and Self Confidence

When you’re being bullied by everyone, holding onto your self-esteem can be challenging. And that’s putting it mildly. Moreover, after being bullied, it can sometimes take years to regain the confidence you lost.

However, there are things you can do to buffer your confidence and take the sting out of your bullies’ attacks.

7 Steps to Protect Your Self-Esteem

1. Watch and Listen.

You may not know it, but bullies have those who talk about them too. Believe me when I tell you. Bullies also have enemies, and lots of them. And why not?

Your tormentors have been walking over others for a long time. Therefore, you can bet that they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them. These are enemies who will be more than happy to dish out the tea about them. So, know that it isn’t wrong to get the information.

2. Know that you aren’t the only one these creeps have bullied.

Understand that seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. There have been other victims before you, and there will be more after you. Why do you think these people are so good at making you feel bad about yourself?

Moreover, how do you think they got so good at it? They certainly didn’t get that way by magic,  nor did it happen overnight. No.

Their successful bullying tactics came from many years of trial and error. As a result, they’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, there have been plenty of previous victims for them to practice on.

3. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Collect info on your bullies.

In other words, find out about their personal lives. Realize that your bullies have problems too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to make you miserable.

As I stated earlier, your bullies have enemies, and plenty of them. Find those enemies. Then, cozy up to them and finesse a little information out of them.

Listen closely as they tell you all the dirty details about them. You will be surprised at what you find out!

4. Befriend others whom your bullies have bullied.

You and these people have something in common. Therefore, this should be a cinch!

Align yourself with these other victims. Bullies run in packs, so, why can’t victims?

Understand that there is strength in numbers. If you ban together, it’s a sure bet that your bullies will think twice before accosting you.

Remember that bullies are cowards. They would prefer to catch you when you’re alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

5. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Keep company only with people who love you and make you feel good about yourself.

A good sign of a true friend is someone who uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. This person uplifts and encourages you. Moreover, they have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success.

However, victims of bullying often end up with fake friends who only tolerate them. As a result, these losers only find ways to humiliate them in public, then throw them under the bus when trouble comes for them.

This is because victims often become desperate for friends and companionship. Therefore, they latch onto the wrong people. Sadly, some of these targets would rather have sorry excuses for friends who treat them poorly than to have none at all.

In other words, they are under the false belief that anything is better than being by yourself. Having made that mistake myself, I’ve learned that it’s better to be alone.

Trust me when I tell you, anyone who belittles you even a little bit is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely. And, to an unsavory person, lonely means vulnerable and easy to use.

Therefore, these types only hang around to take advantage of you.

This is why you must remove these creeps from your life, and find better friends who respect you. Moreover, you must continue to keep company with those who genuinely like you and want to be with you.

Know that you deserve people who celebrate you, not those who only tolerate you.

6. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Show off your talents and gifts.

In other words, if you can sing, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! If you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off!

You’ll be surprised at how much it raises your self-esteem.

If you haven’t gotten up the courage to do these things yet, know that I understand because I’ve been there.

The bullying you suffer can increase such that you begin to fear showing anyone what you do well. You’re not only afraid that people will laugh at you, you’re also afraid that bullies will punish you for showing off.

However, understand that you have one shot and the time to take it is now. There are no do-overs. If you give in to fear and forgo doing what you’d really like to do, you’ll end up regretting it later.

Therefore, come out of your shell and take every opportunity to showcase your talents! Who knows where it might take you?

Also, you must take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well to take good care of your body. But don’t forget to take care of your mental health too. This is equally important!

7. Bullying and Self Confidence:

Do the things that fill your soul.

Whether you love to swim, hike or camp, find opportunities to do these things. The more happy moments you create for yourself, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will lesson the pain of bullying attacks. Why? Because you’ll know that you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life that counter anything your bullies try to tell you.

As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you’ll be able to respond to their drivel with an inner horselaugh and a middle finger.

Also, it will help tip the balance of adversity and success more in your favor. Many targets of bullying often have a ton of social failures and only a tiny few successes.

Therefore, if you do all these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

But, if you allow bullies to destroy your confidence, they’ll also destroy your life. It’s a fact!

If your confidence goes, so goes your performance, your social abilities, and everything else!

Think about it. Most bullied children and teens do not do well in school if others do not treat them fairly. In other words, kids in school need respect and for people to give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow.

It’s the same for adults in the workplace. If an employee endures workplace bullying, it won’t be long before their work performance declines.

Moreover, once job performance goes down, others will take notice. Even worse, bullies in the department will only weaponize it. How? By using it as confirmation that the targeted employee isn’t as smart as he appears.

Therefore, when a person is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, they eventually stop believing in themselves. As a result, their performance suffers.

Although we hear of bullied kids who compensate for their social failures by diving into schoolwork, and making exceptional grades, these kids are exceptions to the rule.

So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your self-esteem with your life. Why? Because your life truly does depend on it!

Bullying and Self Confidence:

Here’s are other ways you protect your self-esteem.

Be there for others who are suffering.

Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!

Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.

Find a therapist to talk to.

Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.

And, whatever you do, Don’t be silent about it!

Take these steps to raise your confidence levels and, before long, you’ll notice a huge difference in the way you see yourself. I guarantee it!

This post was all about bullying and self confidence to help you take measures to improve your confidence levels and your life!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

The Risks of Saying No: 11 Reasons You Fear Saying No to People

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If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know exactly why you’re afraid to face the risks of saying no? You know the concept but would you know how to word it if you had to explain it?

the risks of saying no

When you’re a target of bullying, saying no is risky. Bullies use force to get what they want and they don’t take no for an answer. Here are the most common reasons why it’s so difficult to say no when you need to.

You will learn all the risks of saying no to bullies so that you can pick the answers that best suit you and your situation.

After you learn what these reasons are, you will better be able to face your fear of saying it. Even better, you will have the answers you need to conquer that fear.

This post is all about the risks of saying no and what you can do to conquer your fear of saying it when you must.

“No” is such a tiny word but has so much power behind it. It can be intimidating to say to someone and to get for an answer from them. T

Victims of bullying have an especially difficult time saying no to people. And why not? Others have bullied them into saying yes for so long that they’ve conditioned the targets to do it without thinking.

The Risks of Saying No

However, many people who have never been bullied also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?

There are many reasons:

1.Many people, especially victims of bullying, were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful. 

When we were children, adults often forced us to say yes. Abusive adults often conditioned us to go against own rights and welfare, or risk worse punishment. It was “obey, or else.”

Many of us grew up during a time when we automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect. It didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. Neither did it matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us.

Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy the person may have been.

Sadly, these adults conditioned us this way during childhood and molded us into spineless, submissive adults. As a result, we continue to get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.

Moreover,  all our lives, people have duped us into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) means that we’re “good people.”  Moreover, we have received the message that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Saying No to Ourselves by Saying Yes to Others

Consequently, we only learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite. What it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.

However, understand this right now. Saying no means setting boundaries.

If we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly. Therefore, we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.

2. Another Reason You Don’t Take the Risks of Saying No is Because You’re afraid of offending people.

Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that bullies, abusers, and other toxic people have an overinflated sense of entitlement. And they will become infuriated if you have the intestinal fortitude to tell them no.

Moreover, how they react could be downright scary! Look for these people to lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are.

Also, you will feel pangs of guilt because bullies will, more than likely, convince you that you’ve done something wrong.

However, don’t you believe it for a second! See the bullies’ behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.

You must realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling of rejection. It also comes from feeling entitled.

This is why they take being told “no” so personally. But! If nothing else, know this!

Any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.

Therefore, walk away from the idiot and have nothing more to do with them. They do not deserve the time of day from you.

3. You’re afraid of letting other people down.

This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt wants to let down another human being.

However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner to accommodate everyone else isn’t healthy at all.

So, begin putting your needs before theirs no matter the cost. If you take care of your needs first, then you can better take care of others’ needs later.

4. You don’t take the risks of saying no because you’re afraid of being thought of as selfish.

Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to want others to think of you as good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it.

This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.

Therefore, remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”

Nooo! What it does is make you look like a simp to other people.

5. One of the risks of saying no is that you take people out of their comfort zones.

And that is time you’d rather spend with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting.

There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.

Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems. And see it as you’ve taken them out of their comfort zones because they’ve grown used to hearing you say yes.

So, embrace it because these people are showing you exactly who they are and who you should eliminate from your life.

6. You want to help others because it’s rewarding.

This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards.

For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being.

When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!

The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming.

Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and gullible.

These are things we much watch out for.

Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).

7. You forgo the risks of saying no because You have low-self-esteem.

When you have a low self-image, you’re under the false assumption that your time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. You believe that you’re inferior to everyone else.

Therefore, you quickly say yes to others when you want to say no. You even give into those who give ridiculous demands.

Many times, you’ll bend over backwards to prove your value. But worth is something you don’t have to prove to anyone. Worth is something that’s either there or it isn’t.

In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults to prove it.

Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem.

In fact,  the more you say it, the higher your confidence will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else. Also, you’ll find out that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.

8. You want approval and to be liked by others.

Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies.

Also, it’s how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.

Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived.

Why? Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?

Therefore, realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type you want.

9. You feel that the risks of saying no Are too High. Therefore, You give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers.

Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people.

These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will even resort to screaming and yelling at you, calling you names like, ”selfish, greedy, mean, bitch, asshole, and other derogatory names to get you to comply.

Also, they’ll likely hurl insults, severely curse you out, ostracize you, give you the silent treatment, or try to humiliate you in front of others.

However, see these reactions for what they are, manipulation and retaliation. Put simply, they’ve lost control over you and they’re trying like the devil to get that back!

You must be ready for these people to use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They want to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid.

Because it’s worked for them before. Bullies and abusers hope that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you.

But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in! You must continue to stand your ground.

Realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily. Sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.

If Nothing Else, Remember This!

Bullies and abusers aren’t dummies. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you.

They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.

Therefore, never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!

As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior. So, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.

Also, once you learn this little nugget of truth, you will be less likely to feel ashamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.

10. The Risks of Saying No: You’re afraid of conflict.

One of the risks of saying no is conflict. It’s just how it goes sometimes.

Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives.

 This is why they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.

However, you must realize that conflict is a part of life and there will be times when you won’t be able to avoid it.  Also, there are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf.

In other words, conflict is something we all face at some point in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.

Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry when you can’t be available right that second, you’ll try to assuage them.

Finally, you will retract statements, change your mind and acquiesce. Don’t do that!

Never submit on the belief that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier). It won’t be easy. But continue standing your ground. Never allow the other person to cause you to cave in just because you’d rather avoid conflict.

11. Why You Should Face the Risks of Saying No: Because Saying yes to everything and everyone becomes a habit.

Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, the brain continues to develop more neural pathways for saying yes too much until you become wired to do it.

 Consequently, once you become hardwired to overdo the yeses, it becomes an automatic response. As a result, you’ll do it without even thinking about it.

Realize that for some, not saying no when they must is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.

Therefore, the 11 factors we just mentioned are either some or all of the roots of your apprehension. The best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it.

Put another way, if you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it. And once you get over the fear of saying no and begin asserting your rights, you will feel more empowered than you ever felt before. I promise you!

This post was all about the risks of saying no to help you pinpoint why you fear those risks so that you can know what changes you must make to take back your freedom and autonomy.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2 Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

threatening group

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

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‘Want to know the examples of non verbal bullying? Here are the most common examples you need to know about.

examples of non verbal bullying

Bullies know what they’re doing. They know that if they can intimidate you through nonverbal communication, they can do it quietly, without drawing attention to their behavior. Moreover, they know that their victims are more likely to stay silent because if they report it, others are likely to blow them of as sufferers of paranoia.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the examples of non verbal bullying,  how to recognize it, and what you can do to counter it.

Once you learn about all these gestures, you will then be able to use your own nonverbals to let your bullies know that you’re not one who’ll be threatened by them. As a result, they will likely leave you alone and go find an easier target.

This post is all about the examples of non verbal bullying, how to recognize them, and what you can do to counter them.

Examples of non verbal bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

Moreover, this type of bullying can occur either at school, in the workplace, or anywhere. Here are a few such subtleties.

So, How do Bullies Use Nonverbal communication to bully you?

1. They lean against your desk, office doorway, car, etc.

Understand that when people lean against an object, they are, in a sense, laying claim to that object. Therefore, when bullies learn against your desk, car, or any object that belongs to you, they are non verbally claiming it as theirs.

Also, they do it to intimidate you and dare you to say or do something about it. So, how do you deal with this?

You handle it simply by telling the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

And you must address this the very first time this occurs.

2. The bully will sit in your chair.

Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair. Also, it’s important that you speak out right then, the first time it happens. Otherwise, the bully will think they can do it again.

Therefore, never let someone get away with this even the first time.

3. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

The bully may also pick your purse or notebook off your desk, touch your property, etc.

I can’t stress this enough! You must realize that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Therefore, don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

The bully may also walk up to your table in the cafeteria or a restaurant, pluck a morsel of food from your plate and pop it in their mouth without even asking.

Realize that when a bully does this, they are challenging you. Their message is,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Moreover, female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into people’s homes without knocking.

During school or business trips, bullies may go through your luggage and steal money, articles of clothing, anything from you while you’re out of the room. Moreover, if you have multiple bullies, it’ll be difficult for you to confront the thief.

Although you may have a pretty good idea who stole your belongings, you’ll never be able to prove who took them!

Here’s another nugget of truth to think about. When bullies claim ownership of your space and property, it means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying:

They will violate your personal space.

Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is doing one or more of four things. He is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenge you, or he is trying to provoke a fight.

Therefore, do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

5. They give you threatening glares.

It’s the look bullies give you every time you’re in their line of sight. That stare makes the hairs stand on the back of your neck!

You know the one. It’s that creepy, bone-chilling look bullies give that makes you stop whatever you are doing or clam up when they do it?

Moreover, they look at you so intensely that you feel like you’re under a microscope! What’s even scarier is that the person doing the staring is eerily calm. They’re so still that they don’t move a muscle nor even blink!

Those angry, icy-cold eyes relentlessly bore into you like a hot needle. Those eyes look as if they could jump out at you and attack you at any moment! It reminds you of a wolf standing ever so still and eyeing an antelope, anticipating it’s next meal! Weird, no?

Granted, not all staring is necessarily bad because if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare, with their pupils dilating and crinkles forming around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes. Their stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold!

Therefore, if ever you notice anyone looking at you this way, you must return and mirror the glare to intimidate them into taking their eyes off you. And don’t take your eyes off them until they stop looking at you.

Moreover, know that covert/indirect bullies are cowards at heart, and most of the time, all it takes is you returning the stare to make these people go away.

Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

How You Respond to Non Verbal Bullying

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can intimidate you into leaving. Moreover, your bullies want to make you think you’re about to get hurt.

In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying at a party or get-together and suddenly see your bully locking eyes with you, know that this person is giving you the message that they intend to make your day a really bad one.

You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to them. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that they don’t scare you. You also tell the bully that you have no intentions of running.

Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Also, you can mirror the bully and reciprocate the body language. In doing this, you let the bully know that you’re willing to stand your ground.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

In conclusion:

Let’s summarize.

Bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you.

Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

3. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

bullying in school

Bullies in School: 5 Ways They Tell Off on Themselves Without Realizing It

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‘Want to know the most common ways bullies in school tell off on themselves? Here are the statements they use to accidentally out themselves.

bullies in school

Bullies in school become emboldened once their bullying has gone unchecked for so long. However, give them enough rope that they will eventually catch themselves in it by the neck.

In this post, you will learn about the subtle ways these people unknowingly tell on themselves.

Once you learn about all the most common ways bullies in school rat themselves out, you will be better able to read between the lines and call them on it.

Moreover, you will more confidently expose your aggressors in front of everyone, including teachers and school staff.

This post is all about the many subtle ways bullies in school expose themselves and how you can spot it and expose it.

Bullies in School

Bullies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are such good actors, aren’t they? They’re good at flying under the radar and going undetected. Also, they’re experts at making themselves out to be better than they are.

Additionally, they’re also masters at making you look like the fool or the bad guy.

However, the good news is that sooner or later, people such as these usually wind up telling off on themselves somehow, someway.

And they do it without even realizing it until it’s too late and the cat’s already out of the bag. It happens all the time.

In other words bullies, especially those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, grew a little too confident.

They grow so sure of themselves. Therefore, bullies get too loud, too obnoxious, too flippant, and then, in the end, they royally screw up.

And…oops! They unintentionally out themselves!

5 Ways a Bully will tell off on themselves without knowing they’re doing it.

1. Bullies at School Brag on Themselves.

Bullies love to brag on themselves. They especially love to boast about the power they have over you. In fact, the words bully and boastful are all but synonymous.

Moreover, while they loudly shoot off their mouths, they don’t realize that a teacher or faculty member could be nearby and listening to every word.

Most victims and bystanders usually don’t report bullies because they fear retaliation. Therefore, when bullies finally get caught and get into trouble, it’s usually because the information came from the horse’s mouth.

For example, a female teacher inters the girls’ bathroom, where there’s a row of about twelve stalls. A group of bullies are huddled in the stall on the opposite end of the door, loudly boasting about beating you up the day before.

Or, maybe you enter the bathroom and hear them bragging. Also, you have a hidden recording device on you and record it. You take the evidence home later that afternoon and make copies to keep on separate flash drives.

Then, the next morning you take one of the copies to the principal.

2. They Accidentally Display the Evidence.

This has happened. Maybe the bully stole the locket your grandmother gave you for Christmas.

Moreover, she thinks she has you too afraid to report her. This girl also thinks that, if you did tell, no one will believe you.

Therefore, she becomes so bold that she wears it in front of you and everyone else. She wears your necklace in front of you to taunt you.

“Yeah! I got your necklace! I took it! I sure as shit did! What are you going to do about it!”

However, what she doesn’t yet know is that, on the back, is a tiny inscription of your name and the year Grandma gave it to you.

Therefore, you finally get fed up and report the theft to the principal. When Mr. Principal calls your bully into the office, your bully claims it as hers.

Finally, when you tell the principal about the inscription on the back and he asks to look at it, your bully is busted. As a result, she gets a two-week suspension and the principal give you your necklace.

Therefore, understand this. When bullies get so emboldened that they begin bullying you openly is the easiest time to expose them. It’s also the time when they’re most likely to make a mistake and expose themselves.

3. Bullies at School Get Tangled in their own web of lies.

There have been many cases where these people couldn’t remember all the lies they’d told. As a result, they didn’t know what present lie to tell to cover up all the past falsehoods.

Therefore, these bullies couldn’t keep their story straight and ended up in a pickle! I’ve seen it firsthand and I have to admit. It’s hilarious to watch!

Therefore, do your level best to find the holes in their story as your bullies talk. Then, be fearless. Call them out, preferably in front of a member of authority.

Do it as you hear it by repeating what they say and then calling out the discrepancies. I guarantee that this will expose your bullies while saving you from taking blame for their behavior.

4. They get too emotional (angry).

For example, another bully targets your bully and shoves them. They get into it. You bully shouts to the other bully, “Don’t you touch me, I’m not (your name).”

Maybe the other bully uses verbal bullying and your harasser shouts back, “Don’t you talk down to me! I ain’t (your name).

Therefore, here’s the subtext. Any time people make statements such as these, they are admitting that you’re the victim of bullying and not them.

Surprisingly, no one else is likely to pick up on it, not even any teachers present. However, if you read between the lines when you hear these statements, you will see the blatant tell-all.

In fact, it will be so obvious that it’s almost sickening when no one else seems to pick up on it. Also, you will be able to call it out right then and there.

Again, you must understand that the brazenness of bullies is shocking. They are so bold; they will either unwittingly or admittedly tell on themselves because they know (or think) that no one will hold them responsible or stand up for you if you are a target.

Therefore, you must pay attention and recognize when your bullies call themselves out. And when they do, don’t be afraid to jump on it and tell them a thing or two.

It could be as simple as saying, “So, you admit to being the bully?”, “Ha! You just proved yourself a liar!” Or, “Wow! You just told off on yourself, buddy!”

This lets your bullies know that you aren’t as clueless as they think and that you caught it. Moreover, you send the message that you’re not too timid to hit them back with it.

So, be fearless and call them on it, the consequences be damned!

5. Bullies at School Go Too Far.

In other words, they take their violence too far and someone, sadly you, gets hurt bad enough to need medical attention. This mostly goes for physical bullies.

Therefore, in no way am I saying that you should put yourself in harm’s way, thinking that the bullies will expose themselves. If your bully gets physical, you are well within your rights to defend yourself and I recommend that you do.

Go the old school route and put up your dukes. Moreover, when you do, be sure to give that bully such a beating that he will regret the day he ever set his sights on you.

However, the point is that, yes, bullies do expose themselves by going too far with their physical acts.

Understand that bullying always escalates if no one holds the bullies accountable and they aren’t punished for it. Put another way, verbal bullying becomes physical and covert harassment eventually becomes overt.

Therefore, call the bully out. It’s as simple as telling them to leave you alone, or saying, “Stop bothering me.” Calling it out this way will get the attention of others around you.

In Conclusion

Bullies do escape accountability a lot of the time. However, the fun doesn’t last forever. Because, in the long run, bullies get cocky, then they make foolish mistakes.

I’ve known many a bully who got so sure of themselves that they started flubbing up. As a result, they ended up really stepping in it.

It’s how many of the most seasoned bullies end up being suspended, expelled, fired, or losing their entire academic or employment career.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to call them out. You can expose your bullies even more than they already expose themselves. Moreover, you can do it by calling out subtexts and pointing them out to others when the bully subtly admits their wrongdoing.

It just might turn on a few light bulbs in people’s heads.

This post was all about school bullies and how easily they unknowingly tell on themselves. Moreover, it was also about how you can spot their mistakes and point them out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

2. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

3. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying

5. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

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Do you want to know why fake friends stick around even though they can’t stand you? You’ve probably wondered that if they despise you so much, why they don’t just go away and have nothing more to do with you. Here are several motives that keep them coming.

why fake friends stick around

Fake friends secretly either don’t like you. They may even hate you and wish you nothing but harm and bad fortune. Yet, they continue hang around like a bad odor.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why they do this. As someone who’s been there and discovered the answers, I’m giving you all the must-know reasons to relieve you of any confusion you might have.

In this post, you will learn why fake friends stick around. You will get these answers in detail so that you can understand more clearly and take steps to protect yourself.

Once you learn about all their motives and intentions, you will then have the courage to stand up to these imposters and send them packing once and for all. Moreover, you will take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the reasons why fake friends stick around. The purpose of this post is to give you the courage to ditch these imposters and take back your peace.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

Everyone has fake friends. These are the people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. Moreover, this individuals desire to be in our circle and get close to us. But why?

If they hate us so much, why would they continue to hang around? Why do they seem to want to stay right under us all the time? It’s like these people want to literally attach themselves to us and never let go! Yikes!

These are the people who slither their way into our lives only to end up betraying us later.

Here are the reasons why fake friends stick around:

1. To watch you closely.

You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy. Therefore, they do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends.

Therefore, fake friends stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine. Why? So they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

For example, undercover cops infiltrate drug rings so that they bust them and take them down later. Fake friends are no different.

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, you know that the most fundamental rule is to “Know your enemy.”

2. To win your trust.

They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets.

Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes. Also, you’ll and show your less than desirable emotions around them.  And why not? If the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

In other words, this person will watch the target closely, then establish good rapport with them. Then develop a close friendship with them to lower any apprehension the person might have had in the initial stages.

On the other hand, if the person is a fake friend, you unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: To watch you fail.

Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something.

They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

However, if you ever succeed at something, especially if it’s something big, you will see their true colors come shining through.

For example, if you accomplish something huge, like making the NYT Bestseller list or winning the lottery, watch the masks fall off. These posers will suddenly give you the cold shoulder. They may even lash out at you, accusing you of thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Also, they might accuse you of having connections who helped you reach success, or worse! Cheating your way to victory!

It will hurt, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll know exactly who these people are and you’ll know what to do with this trash.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams.

Why? Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends.

That’s what hurts the most and can be devastating.

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Moreover, what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust.

You not only feel violated, you feel like a complete idiot for allowing the person into your life, to begin with. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Feeling that you, in a sense, allowed it to happen.

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around is To feel superior.

Think about it. By continuing to put up with fake friends, you’ve lowered your standards and they know it.

Understand that, in a fake friendship, the entire friend relationship is based on conditions. Also, these types of friendships are one-sided. It’s about what you can do for them.

Therefore, they’re getting all the benefits of the friendship and you’re getting zero! To continue clinging to this type of friendship suggests to the other person that you’re inferior.

Also, it means that you’re so desperate for friends that you’ll willing to eat shit just to keep from being alone.

And you’ve got to admit. It’s pathetic! Therefore, stop doing things that are beneath you and holding on to friendships that aren’t good for you.

Know that you’re better than that. And you deserve much better!

Again, remember that for them to be superior requires you to be inferior.

6. You convenience them somehow.

Many fake friends continue to hang around because of the conveniences you bring to the friendship. For example, you let your friend girl barrow your favorite sweater only for her not to return it.

Another example would be that you help them move their things when they get kicked out of their apartment for failure to pay rent. However, when you have to move because of a bad break-up or divorce, they never show up.

However, once you figure this person out, it’s GAME OVER!

Now’s the time to cut off any benefits this creep may have gotten from you and end the friendship right then and there.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself.

When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away the fakers. These are people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because they would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them.

Why? Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt.  Also, it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you. Even worse, even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit.

Therefore, it’s better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

2. Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, than ever! Most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want and let people see the real, authentic you. If people around you don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind, that’s your clue to ditch and switch!

It’s true that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days.

Therefore, when people resort to ad hominem attacks when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the fakes and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life! In cases like this, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds!

Always remember that!

This post was all about the reasons why fake friends stick around to embolden you to ditch them, raise your standards, and choose people who are real friends.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5 Reasons You Have Haters

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“Want to know 5 reasons you have haters? Here are the most common reasons why haters are always nipping at your heels. (Psst! It’s not you. It’s them.)

5 reasons you have haters

Haters live to spite you and cause you lots of stress. They love to see you fail and despise it when you score a win. Even the greatest have haters. Therefore, what if I told you that having haters can be a good thing and you could use it to your advantage?

Most victims of bullying see haters as a bad thing. In other words, they see them as a hindrance to their progress. However, they don’t have to be. It depends on how you look at it and how you use it.

In this post, you will learn the 5 reasons you have haters and why it can actually be a good thing.

Once you learn all about these nasty people and the real reasons they pray for your fall, you will feel so much better about yourself. Moreover, your loathers will no longer be so threatening to you. In fact, you may even come to enjoy watching their childishness to some degree.

This post is about the 5 reasons you have haters and why they aren’t as intimidating as you might think.

5 Reasons You have Haters

Many of the greatest, most tender-hearted, and level-headed people in the world have a pack of haters behind them. And many of them don’t understand why.

Moreover, down through the years, many of theses people have stopped and asked, “What did I ever do to them?” or “I know I’m not a bad person and I treat everyone how I would want to be treated. So, what is it that they (the haters) think is wrong with me?”

I’ve got to admit it. I asked the same questions many times when I was young and it happened to me. But here’s a little assurance.

First, if you are one of those good people who certain others hate on, it’s normal to ask the same questions and wonder why.

Secondly, let me tell you: You didn’t do anything to them. In fact, you did nothing wrong.

Thirdly, what they think is wrong with you doesn’t matter. Moreover, what they think period doesn’t matter.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. In other words, I want you to know that you’re okay. You’re enough. And you’re awesome just the way you are.

I know what you’re likely to say next and you’re probably thinking it now: “But there’s got to be some reason they hate me so much.”

And you’re right. There are many reasons your haters hate you. But those reasons have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

1. They don’t have a life.

Or they don’t have one that’s meaningful. Also, most haters aren’t what they appear to be. Many are life losers who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

So, they have nothing better to do than to hate on others. Many of these types of haters are broke, jobless, partner-less, and live in their mommy’s basement.

Only they would never in a million years tell you this. In fact, they’d go out of their way to keep that hidden because, if it ever got out, they’d lose face and, therefore, lose much of their power.

Bullying you is their power because they can’t get it any place else.

Therefore, to feel better about themselves, they’ll troll your social media pages, make incendiary comments, and post vile things about you. If they happen to be local to your area and you know them, they’ll talk trash about you behind your back.

Moreover, they smear and slander you, trying to kill your reputation, your opportunities and prospects. These types of haters are bored with life and the only entertainment and rush of endorphins they can get is to cause drama in other people’s lives.

Again, it’s the only source of power they have left.

Therefore, these are the types of people you should feel sorry for because they live truly miserable and pathetic lives. And the only way they can feel powerful is to ruin other people’s lives.

Sadly, we have so many people like that today, and many of them get involved in the cancel culture that’s so prevalent. Again, understand that this is a last-ditch effort for them to achieve power. Unfortunately for the rest of us, it seems to work for them.

2. 5 Reasons You Have Haters:

They’re not happy in their lives.

This can go hand in hand with number 1. However, some people can have everything, a good job, a nice home, good family, and still not be happy. Therefore, what they lack is contentment.

Or, it could be that they aren’t happy with some things in their life. Whatever it may be, their attitude is this. If they can’t be happy, then by George, they’re going to make sure you’re not happy either.

In other words, they want to take away your peace of mind and bring you down to their level of misery. And you aren’t the only one. T

here are probably other people they do this to as well. Again, this person is a miserable individual and you shouldn’t hate them back, you should only pity them.

3. You have something they don’t have.

No one ever said life was fair. Some people can, and some can’t. Some have, and some don’t. It’s a hard part of reality that makes some people angry.

Why? Because they can’t seem to figure out how to obtain the things they want. So, they hate on anyone who has the things they (the haters) have been longing for and who has life a little easier than they do.

Moreover, this is probably the reason they don’t have the things they desire. They’re too busy focusing on what you have rather than focusing and working hard to attain those goals for themselves.

I know many lazy people who sit around wishing for things all the time. They don’t want to work for what they want, yet they get outraged at those who work hard and who end up achieving the things they (the haters) are wishing for.

The haters never stop to think that, if you want something, you must make it a goal. Moreover, you must focus on that goal and work hard, no matter how long it takes to attain it.

However, most haters either don’t want to work for what they want. And if they do work, they either make the wrong choices, or, sometimes, it’s just that life doesn’t work out how they want.

Nevertheless, hating only hurts them and not you. Why? Because you probably don’t know about it and if you do, you have the choice to not care.

4. 5 Reasons You Have Haters:

Jealousy.

This goes back to you having something your haters don’t have.  Moreover, it goes back to those poor souls not being happy in their lives.

Whether it’s an admirable trait you may have, such as the ability to make friends easily, or how you look. They don’t want you to have it.

Your haters could be jealous of what you have, or your ability to be happy. They want to take it all from you because they don’t have it and don’t think they can ever get it.

Therefore, feel good about it. This isn’t to say that you should be buddies with them, but just feel good about yourself, knowing these people exist.

5. Your good qualities are a threat to them.

In other words, you make them look bad. You cause them to compare themselves with you and see you as competition.

And if they ever feel like you’re winning over them, look out!

Therefore, realize that you aren’t at fault here. It was nothing you said or did to ruffle their feathers and there’s nothing wrong with you.

You are enough. In fact, you are awesome! Your haters only say otherwise to mess with your mind and throw you off balance. Don’t let them do that to you!

Moreover, they want to rip your confidence and self-esteem to shreds because if they can’t have the very thing that they want that you were blessed with, they’ll go after something you have that they think is easier to take. And that’s your confidence and self-esteem.

In other words, if your haters can’t rob you of the things you have and they wish they had, then they’ll rob you of your mental health. And they’ll attack your psychological well-being to balance and even the score a little.

This is how they operate. However, haters only win if you allow them to tear you down.

Haters can stress you out, yes. But they can also motivate you. So, be your best self and keep your haters blabbing. Think about it. Your haters are the ones who keep you relevant.

They’re your biggest fans, if you really think about it, because haters are the people who watch you the closest.

This post was all about the 5 reasons you have haters. It’s purpose is to make you feel better about having them because, if you have the power to make someone hate you without cause, then you’ve got some kind of power!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

friends

Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

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‘Want to know how to choose your friends wisely even if people are bullying you? Here are the exact criteria to go by.

choose your friends wisely

Choosing friends can be especially difficult when you’re a target of bullying. Because bullies have maligned you to others and destroyed your once-good reputation, you may not have any friends at all.

As a result, you can become so desperate for friendship that you may choose people who only come around to take advantage of you. Therefore, it’s essential that you learn how to choose your friends wisely.

In this post, you will learn the exact criteria you should base your choices of friends on.

After you learn which characteristics to look for, you will then be able to choose your friends wisely and shun those who are not healthy for you. Moreover, you will have the courage to give fake friends the boot and wait until better people come along.

This post is all about How to Choose your friends wisely and the criteria you should use when making your selection.

Before we go over the criteria, let’s discuss why people pick the wrong people to be friends with.

It’s normal to respond positively to people who smile at you and those who are or, at least, seem kind and like “nice people.” However, you should never take people at face value because appearances can be deceiving.

Anytime you’re a target of intense and chronic bullying, there will be time when you will feel lonely. Moreover, that loneliness can grow so much until you become too determined to have friends. This will leave you vulnerable.

Consequently, human predators will notice your vulnerability and they will take full advantage of it. But that’s not all.

They may even do worse! They may exploit and weaponize it against you!

Therefore, if people ritualistically bully you every day, it’s imperative that you keep your eyes open and watch out for these types. Also, never allow desperation for friendship trick you into lowering your standards. You must remain selective to keep the creeps away.

Choose your friends wisely: What Characteristics should you look for?

Being selective of your friends doesn’t mean choosing the type who only tell you what you want to hear. You can get that anywhere. Moreover, many people will tickle your ears just to manipulate you or soften you up.

It goes much deeper.

Also, it’s not about how much money or prestige they have- the hot car they drive or latest fashions they wear. Neither is it about how good they look or how popular they are.

It’s all in how they make us feel about ourselves, and the space they give us to grow. Even better, it’s how they help us to grow and vice versa.

Understand that you can’t buy things like honesty, loyalty, integrity, class, respect, and love. The person either has them or they don’t. And there are a lot of people with money and wealth who are as slimy as can be.

Here are the criteria:

1. Do they show up?

Consistency is key in a friendship. Do you ever hear from them? And no, I don’t mean pauses between visits. Sometimes life gets in the way and people get so busy that they go for several months without seeing their friends. However, they still maintain some contact even if it’s through social media.

Therefore, if you don’t hear a peep out of the person you call friend for over a year or two, it’s pretty good guess that you’ve drifted apart. In life, friends do come and go and it’s a normal part of life.

But, when you’re the only one initiating contact, that’s a problem. It’s a sign that you’re making all the investments.

2. Choose your friends wisely: Have they been there for you when the chips were down?

This is a biggie! Supportiveness is crucial in a friendship. If your friends are always there when you’re riding high, then suddenly disappear when you’re flat on your back, that’s a huge red flag.

Don’t settle for fair-weather friends. You only want friends who are there when you’re sick, broke, grieving the death of a loved one, or just having a hard time. These types of friends are keepers because, rain or shine, they’re there for you regardless.

3. Do they have your back when your bullies come calling?

This is another biggie! Real friends will back you up when nefarious people come against you. They’ll protect you from the unsavory types. Fake friends will only bail on you and leave you to fend for yourself.

Therefore, it’s crucial that you be selective. Because, when friends who disappear when you’re in danger, they only prove themselves to be sniveling cowards. What you need are strong and brave friends who aren’t afraid to stand up for you when you’re being attacked.

4. Choose your friends wisely: Do they respect you?

Do they treat  you as an equal or do they treat you as if you’re inferior? Do they throw backhanded comments and talk over you when you’re speaking or do they allow you to speak and respect your feelings.

Moreover, do they respect your opinions even if those opinions differ from theirs? And do they respect your time? In other words, do they get angry when you can’t be there right away because you have a sick child or parent?

These are the questions you must ask yourself anytime you’re in doubt about a friendship. Because if they have no respect for you, it’s time to ditch and switch.

This means ditch the friends who don’t respect you and switch to friends who do. And if you don’t have friends who respect you, find some.

5. Do they accept you or do they only tolerate you?

When you’re around friends who only tolerate you, you can tell right off. You feel awkward around them because you notice little micro-flashes of resentment. You’ll also notice that you’re always lagging behind the rest of the group because they won’t stop and wait on you.

Also, they make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to doubt yourself. Moreover, they make you feel left out and discarded.

You’ll also notice it in how they look at you and in how different they treat you compared to how they treat the other members. Even more hurtful is the fact that you’re the only one in the group who never gets an invite to any shindigs they may have.

 These are all clues that these people are not right for you! They’re a complete waste of your time and energy. Therefore, drop this bunch like a bad habit.

6. Choose your friends wisely: Can you trust them?

In other words, have they ever stolen from you or dated your partner behind your back? This should be a no-brainer. Anyone who does these things is dishonest and lacks integrity. Not to mention, they’re about as loyal as a snake! Time to give them the old heave ho!

7. Do they trust you?

In other words, do they judge you by your good actions and refuse to believe it when bullies and others speak negatively of you? This is super important. Anyone who automatically believes lies and smears about you doesn’t deserve your friendship and you should tell this person to get lost!

This bears repeating! When someone you think is your friend takes a bully’s word over yours, this person might as well be an enemy. Drop them like a hot brick!

8. Are they forgiving?

In other words, do they forgive you after a spat. Do they know that you’re still their friend even if you must go a long time without contact? If so, you have a keeper. If not, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship and make some changes.

9. Choose your friends wisely: Are they good listeners?

In other words, are they there for you when you need to talk? Moreover, do they listen attentively when you need a shoulder to cry on? This is just as important.

If your friends won’t do any of these things, it’s time to decide whether you want to remain friends with them.

In closing:

Selectiveness is important. Although media, politicians, and other talking heads trumpet terms such as “inclusive,” “inclusivity,” and such. However, being selective is not being exclusive.

When you’re selective of your friends, it means that you pick people of integrity and keep out the snakes to protect your peace.

Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means the people who want to see you do good for yourself, the people who point you in the right direction, and the people who remain loyal even when the chips are down.

Associate only with the people who love, encourage and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.

They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. They will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let in your life.

This post was all about how to choose your friends wisely so that you can head off trouble before it comes and protect yourself from future betrayal and heartbreak.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

fight

Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

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Do you want to know all about fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction? Here is a detailed description of these responses that you need to know.

fight flight freeze fawn

Bullying can often force victims into the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response to save themselves from danger. So what is this response?

In this post you will about this reaction so that you can recognize it in yourself and know that it is a normal human reaction to danger. Moreover, if you’re a teacher, supervisor, or police, you must know more about it so that you can better recognize it in students, subordinates, and everyday citizens- particularly, victims.

Once you learn all about these responses, you will be better able to see them in yourself and others.

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction so that you can be able to recognize it more and tell who the victim is, even if it’s you.

fight, flight, freeze, fawn

These are the four components of the Human Stress Response.

Examples of the Human Stress Response:

1. Slamming on your brakes when another car pulls in front of you.

2. Jumping back when an attacker jumps at you from behind a bush.

3. Flinching when you hear a car backfire.

Again, there are four components to the HSR. However, back in the days of old, there were only two parts to it.

People called this human stress response the fight or flight response, which is the innate and ingrained physiological reaction to the threat of danger.

Humans have had this natural reaction since the dawn of time. During stressful, alarming, and dangerous situations, the sympathetic nervous system releases adrenaline into the body.  Therefore, you either fight when cornered or flee when you see a chance to run for your life.

This is an inborn survival mechanism that works to keep you alive.

Later, experts added a third component, renaming it fight, flight or freeze. They have since added a fourth one, fawn.

Hence, the four F term of today.

History

During prehistoric times, humans often encountered dangerous beasts like lions and tigers. Therefore, this activated the fight or flight mechanisms within them so that they could either fight the animal, or run from it to survive.

When the term “freeze” was added to fight and flight, experts acknowledge that people also tended to lose the ability to move or act during threatening situations. And when you can’t move, you cannot defend yourself against the threat.

Introducing, fight, flight, freeze, fawn

The fourth component, “fawn,” is when you do everything you can to please someone who is threatening you and keep them from hurting you.

For example, victims of bullying do this to either keep bullies from harming them or to avoid conflict. And so, the four components represent the response to overpower, escape, or decrease the threat to restore peace and safety.

Fight

In fight mode, you prepare to physically fight your bully, who is either physically attacking you or threatening to do so. Moreover, you fight when you believe you can overpower your opponent.

The adrenaline your sympathetic nervous system releases gives you a burst of extra strength to ensure that you successful fight, overpower, and contain the threat.

For example, a man pulls into his driveway at night and a robber approaches him. He successfully fights the robber and overpowers him to keep from being robbed and possibly murdered.

Here’s another thing to note here:

When it comes to bullying, the Fight Response is the most effective of all four components of the Human Stress Response. Why? Because it shows the bullies that you aren’t afraid to fight back. Remember that bullies only respond to strength and power.

Flight

If you don’t think you can win against your bully in a physical altercation, you go into flight mode and run like the blazes. The same adrenaline helps you to run faster and for longer distances than you normally could.

An example of this would be a situation after school when five bullies approach a smaller boy as he’s walking home from school. The small boy knows that there’s no way he could possibly take on five bigger boys by himself. Therefore, he runs to escape them.

Fight, flight, Freeze, Fawn

Freeze

This is when you feel paralyzed and can’t move during the threat of danger. Therefore, this is the worst of the responses. This happens when you don’t think you can fight your bully nor run fast enough to get away.

An example of freeze is when a deer is crossing a busy highway at night and a speeding car barrels toward it. The deer freezes as he sees the bright pair of headlights coming right at him. Therefore, freeze is the most dangerous and least affective of the four components.

Fawn

This reaction happens when all else fails. In other words, your attempts to fight, flee, and freeze have all been unsuccessful. Therefore, you do and say everything the bully wants you to in order to keep them from harming you.

This is a trauma response in that it typically occurs in people who either presently live in or grew up in abusive homes.

Moreover, fawning hides the stress you’re  feeling and prompts you to do what you must to appease your bullies. Your objective is to get them to calm down and leave you in peace. Therefore, it’s a survival tool for many.

It is this fawning that breeds people-pleasing behavior, approval seeking, caring too much about others’ opinions, co-dependency, and allowing bullies to manipulate and control you.

In other words, you appease their wants and needs, rather than taking care of your own first. However, fawning is damaging to your mental health because, in being too agreeable, you lose your sense of identity.

Put simpler, you lose your personhood. Why? Because no one will allow you to be a person- a separate human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires of your own.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What happens when you must live in survival mode for too long?

Sadly, if a situation of bullying and abuse persists over a long period of time, your survival instincts will reset to default. In other words, you’ll likely have anxiety disorder and by default, live with it even long after the trauma is over and things have returned to normal.

Therefore, this anxiety will trigger the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response even under circumstances that aren’t necessarily threatening or dangerous.

For example, students who have “Math Anxiety” are a perfect example of this. These students will study their assignments faithfully. Moreover, they do well and make high marks on homework assignments and even during in-class quizzes.

However, when test day rolls around, their survival responses overwhelm them, shutting down the logical portion of their brains and they fail the test.

This often occurs in abused children and adult survivors of child abuse. Moreover, it happens in long-term victims and survivors of domestic abuse. This is also an issue in victims and survivors long-term bullying.

Events that are normal and healthy stressors will too easily trigger these survival mechanisms. These events could be a college exam, a deadline for a work project, or your sister’s upcoming wedding.

The ease of these triggers is determined by your nature, past experiences, and the type of threat you face. Therefore, long-term bullying tends to cause victims’ human stress response to go into maximum overdrive.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What are the effects of an overactive human stress response?

An Overactive Fight Response

For example, an overactive fight response can trigger someone to get overly angry too quickly. In other words, the person seems to go from zero to one hundred in a split second. Many bullies themselves have this issue, especially physical bullies who use physical violence as the answer to all their problems.

This puts these victims at risk of being suspended from school, fired from their jobs, or going to jail.

An Overactive Flight Response

An example of an overactive flight response could be someone always running from conflict. People notice this and label this person a big chicken. Therefore, it only prolongs the bullying until the victim is in a situation where he can’t run. Then, he end up being injured or worse.

An Overactive Freeze Response

An overactive freeze response causes you to shut down during conflict. This is the worst of the responses because it endangers the victim of physical beating or dying from a physical attack.

An Overactive Fawn Response

The victim agrees to do what he’s told and agree with the bully to avoid conflict and the possibility of getting hurt. However, this only prolongs the bullying. Why? Because it satisfies the reward center of the bullies‘ brains. Therefore, they come back for more rewards later.

What Does the Human Stress Response and it’s four components have to do with bullying?

Bullying automatically puts the victim in survival mode and causes the release of adrenaline. Therefore, it activates the Human Stress Response and either one or more of it’s components.

This adrenaline interrupts the normal, rational area of the brain. As a result, it stunts the development of the logical part of the mind. In other words, because the victim’s mind is already preoccupied with the threat of bullying, they can’t concentrate on anything else.

This is why kids who suffer bullying in school often have grades that plummet. Moreover, the job performance of bullied adults at work are also likely to suffer.

This is how bullying affects the brain and why it’s so terribly unhealthy for victims. Bullying can affect all aspects of your life. It impacts not only your physical and mental health, but also your relationships outside the bullying environment, your finances, your love life, your chance opportunities… everything!

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and their relation to bullying so that you can recognize and better talk about your experiences.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

domestic abuse

Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

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Did you know that bullying is abuse? ‘Want to know how they are one and the same? Here are the characteristics bully and abuse share that targets of bullying must know about.

bullying is abuse

Bullying is terrifying to their victims and leave them with life-long injuries and even cause death. As someone who survived and overcame bullying at school and in the workplace, I’m giving you the characteristics and long-lasting effects that bullying shares with it’s brother, abuse.

You will learn how the two match so that you can more confidently speak against it.

Once you learn these similarities, you will better be able to classify bullying as a form of abuse and see it exactly as it is. Moreover, you will be able to recite the characteristics and effects they both share so that you can contrast the two.

This post is all about the shared features and consequences of bullying and abuse and the reality that most people, especially victims of bullying don’t think about.

Bullying is abuse

This is probably a statement you haven’t heard much and you may even wonder how. Here are nine exact matches you must be aware of.

1. They both instill fear in their victims.

Bullying and abuse are designed to instill fear and anxiety. Moreover, bullies thrive on their victim’s fear to get a desired outcome from their behavior and from their victims.

Victims of both are usually so overwhelmed with fear that bullies can easily force them to comply with their wishes and demands. Victims are afraid that things will only get worse.

Also, they’re frightened of being physically attacked or socially ostracized. Therefore, they feel powerless to stand up to their abusers because they know that chances are good that they’ll suffer brutal retaliation if they dare to even speak up for themselves, much less fight back.

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. However, victims of bullying and abuse are overwhelmed, even paralyzed with it.

This isn’t healthy because excessive fear only stunts growth and development. Moreover, it’s an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in life. An excessive amount of fear can also cause a psychological condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Moreover, the two can use fear of harm to induce classical conditioning in a very negative way. Think, Pavlov dogs and you’ll get a better understanding of this section.

2. Bullying is abuse: Both involve the use of force.

Bullying and abuse involves the use of force to get their victims to comply with their demands or not to say or do anything to make the perpetrators uncomfortable. Put simpler, the fear of harm compels victims to do everything they can to satisfy and even gratify (reward) their violators.

The targets often feel they have no choice. It’s either do what they can to please their offenders, or else.

3. They both include an imbalance of power.

This is a no-brainer. Bullying and abuse automatically strip their targets of personal power and hand over ALL power to the abusers. Understand that the perpetrators of both get a huge rush of power when abusing their victims.

Therefore, bullying and abuse are all about power and making their victims powerless. Thus, an imbalance of power arises if targets are too afraid to take a stand against their oppressors.

Understand that anytime bullies/abusers feel that they are losing power and control over their victims, they will immediately escalate the aggression to try and reinforce power over them.

For example, verbal or emotional bullies/abusers may escalate to physical bullying with beatings or they may destroy the victim’s property to get their point across.

Here’s a scenario. You have a verbal bully/abuser get in your face, yelling and cursing you out for a perceived slight. You get tired of hearing the tirades, so you put your hand up, turn your back on the person, and walk away.

Suddenly, as you’re walking away, your bully pursues you from behind and in a fit of rage, grabs you by the hair, and pulls you back before beating you up.

Therefore, understand that bullying and abuse always escalate! Always!

4. the goal of both is to gain power, control and dominance over another person.

Bullies and abusers love the thought of having absolute power over their targets and there’s nothing they will do to keep that power for themselves.

It’s a dark part of human nature. The one and only thing abusers desire more than money is to have the ability to tell others what they can and cannot do. In other words, they want control over the lives of others.

Bullies and abusers are tyrants and authoritarians at heart and they have an obsessive need to dominate. This is the only way they can feel powerful and in control. Always remember this.

5. Bullying is abuse: They both strip away your confidence, self-esteem, freedom, and autonomy.

Both bullying and abuse work to psychologically condition their targets. In other words, victims may initially being happy, strong, and confident people. However, bullies and abusers can slowly erode those healthy qualities and break down the target over time.

This is what has happened to many super confident women when they married abusive and controlling husbands. The women may have started out with a healthy self-esteem.

However, as time went by, the abuse from their partners slowly chipped away at their confidence and, bit by tiny bit, these women spiraled downward. In the end, the abusers broke these once-vibrant ladies down and the women became powerless shells of their former selves.

Moreover, it took a long time healing before these women could learn to make their own decisions again and feel free to be themselves.

This is what bullying and abuse both do to victims.

6. Bullying and abuse are repetitive and tend to escalate.

Always! Why? Because, sadly, most bullies and abusers get rewarded for their atrocious behavior. Moreover, most people, even those in authority, only side with the abusers/bullies and blame the victim.

It happens all the time. Because the target is usually the one with the least power, it’s much easier for bystanders and authority to blame them rather than hold the offenders responsible and risk becoming the next victim.

Let’s face it, most people, especially bystanders and authority, are cowards and butt-kissers.

Therefore, if bad behavior is what works, if it has always gotten them what they wanted in the past, then why would they stop?

Here’s something else you must know. Because bullies/abusers often get away with their abuse, they become more and more brazen with time.

As a result, they will escalate the aggression. In other words, they may transition from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. Then, occasional slaps and punches may progress to full-fledged beatings and worse and worse it gets.

Therefore, understand that bullies/abusers don’t recognize boundaries nor limits.

7. they both leave lasting emotional trauma.

If a victim suffers bullying/abuse, especially if it’s chronic and long-term, it leaves emotional scars that can be difficult to heal. Targets of abuse often suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, excessive fear and trust issues.

Moreover, they can have problems in relationships and friendships later own and can even become suicidal if they don’t find professional help.

Bullying and abuse both have the same long-term after-affects.

8. Bullying is abuse: Moreover, both come from an authoritarian and tyrannical attitude and a place of perceived superiority and entitlement.

Bullies/abusers tend to have authoritarian and superiority complexes. In other words, they have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. In other words, they think that everyone else, especially their victims is supposed to bend knee and kiss the ring.

Another thing to point out here is that many bullies/abusers have Dark Triad personalities, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.

These people can be abusive partners in the home or sadistic teachers and principals in schools. They can be bossy classmates or puffed-up coworkers trying to climb the ladder at work.

Moreover, they can be tyrannical upper managers in the workplace or politicians and government officials in a town, state, or country.

Sadly, in today’s atmosphere, we seem to have a society where most people will kowtow to these monsters and carry their water for them.

Consequently, this only emboldens these human predators. Therefore, they will become brazen and keep pushing boundaries until they ruin the lives of many people before finally dying or are forcefully held accountable

9. Both involve unwanted aggression.

Bullies and abusers are notorious for inflicting unwanted aggression on their victims. The good news is that you don’t have to continue being a victim. However, this is for another post.

In Conclusion:

Bullying and abuse share the exact same types and features. There is verbal bullying just as there is verbal abuse. It’s the same with other types of bullying and abuse. There are physical and emotional bullying and abuse, as well as psychological, relational, and social.

Moreover, the features and after-affects of both are all the same as well. Therefore, the questions remain? Why don’t more people equate bullying with abuse?

Also, why do we continue to separate the two as different things when, in fact, they’re one and the same?

Feel free to ask these questions and do your research. Moreover, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

this post was all about the features of bullying and abuse as well as the realization that bullying is abuse.

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3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

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How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

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‘Want to know how to spot fake friends and remove any confusion of whether the friendship is real? Here are 5 tried and true ways to trick them into exposing themselves.

how to spot fake friends

Do you have friends who seem to run hot and cold on you? Do they leave you confused as to whether or not their friendship is real?

In this post, you will learn how to spot fake friends by using these easy methods to make them come clean. And the best part is, they won’t even realize they’ve outed themselves until it’s too late.

Once you learn these simple tactics, you will remove any confusion and see these snakes exactly for who they are. Then you will know to ditch these people and move on with your life.

This post is all about how to spot fake friends, get rid of them once and for all, and restore not only your peace, but also your dignity and self-respect.

How to spot fake friends

At some point in our lives, we’ve all put up with fake friends who cunningly tried to hold us back. These are people who very stealthily undermined our confidence and disrupted your peace.

However, fake friends can be hard to spot if you aren’t paying attention. On the outside, they can look like they’re really in your corner when they’re really only in your business. They may seem like they want you to win when, deep down inside, they hope you crash and burn.

For instance, narcissists are masters at duping unsuspecting people into befriending them, having a relationship with them, and even marrying them.

If you’re a victim or target of bullying, then you are all the more susceptible to being taken in by these social chameleons.

Why? Because chances are that bullies have defamed you so severely that friends have turned their backs on you and making new friends has become difficult, if not impossible.

And now, the isolation you feel is so intense that you’ll befriend anyone who smiles at you. In other words, you’re vulnerable.

Know that this is a recipe for disaster!

Here’s How to Spot Fake Friends

Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

1. Be Yourself.

Too many people put on fake personas to sucker you in and get what they want from you. Therefore, whenever you’re confused about a friend’s intentions, you may have to conduct a test to see if the person really is your friend.

This can be difficult to do, especially if you’re a victim of bullying because you’re afraid of rocking the boat and pissing the person off.

However, you must realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, chances are good that most of your friends aren’t really for you. They only act like they are to either get something from you, or they tolerate you because they feel sorry for you.

You must realize that people like these can reek lots of havoc in your life if you aren’t careful! They can turn on you at any moment, stab you in the back, and disappear when your bullies come for you.

Therefore, for your own sake, give these fakers the boot!

Like Attracts Like

To put it plainly, when you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! However, when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake.

Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because truth and reality scare them to death!

Therefore, never be afraid to start being your true, authentic self. It exposes imposters without them even realizing it because they will react very harshly.

It is through their brutal reactions that these people expose themselves.

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: Set Boundaries.

This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people.

However, don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset!

Therefore, you will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

However, understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any.

Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

3. Say no.

Saying no is difficult because it involves risk. However, it’s one of the ways you practice self-care. Moreover, it’s how you expose fake people in your life.

You see? When you tell a real friend no and explain why you won’t or can’t. They will understand and keep the friendship alive.

However, tell a fake friend no and they’re either get angry and lash out, or try to manipulate you into changing your mind.

Again, this is how you get them to show themselves as they truly are. Also, it’s the prerequisite to weeding out the fakers.

And when you make imposters expose themselves through their behavior, you instantly know who to kick out of your life and who to keep around.

Therefore, this is a good thing!

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: Succeed at something.

One way to flush out the fakes is to accomplish something. In other words, win at something.

For example, you win fifty thousand dollars in a contest, or publish a book and make the international best seller list. The money begins rolling in.

You can bet that the majority of your friends will be jealous and resentful. Many may turn on you and accuse you of cheating in the contest.

Maybe a few people you thought were friends suddenly stop talking to you or act cold toward you after you reap huge financial rewards for your best selling novel.

However, don’t feel bad. Although it may hurt, it may even break your heart, see it for what it is. These people are only showing their true colors.

Listen to them and do what you need to do to cut off contact because they were never truly in your corner to begin with.

 Know that real friends are happy for you. They cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy. These people celebrate your wins with you.

5. Speak and Stand in Your Truth.

When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. Moreover, you’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but failed to stop it.

Sadly, even a few you thought were with you will suddenly turn their backs on you.

However, see this as your clue to which friends to keep and which to let go. Again, this is how fake friends expose themselves and their intentions toward you.

6. How to Spot Fake Friends: Ask for help with something.

It’s one thing when friends can’t help you on a particular day you need it. Maybe the friend’s mother or their child suddenly became sick and the friend had to take them to the hospital or doctor’s office.

Also,  your friend who had the day off to help you was suddenly called into work. Naturally, these situations are understandable and you should graciously respect that.

However, if your friend has a long record of either making excuses as to why they can’t be there for you, they stand you up without calling you to let you no, or they just disappear every time you’re in a jam, that’s a red flag.

Again, their actions and reactions tell you everything you need to know. Therefore, pay attention and see this as your cue to make changes in the friendship that you need to make.

7. Just Watch and Listen.

Many times, all it takes is just to watch and listen.

In other words, notice how they carry themselves and how they talk and act. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by observing and listening.

Let’s break it down. If you catch them talking bad about another of their friends, stabbing them in the back, you can be sure they’re talking about you behind yours.

Moreover, if you notice that you only see them when things are going good in your life, then when you’re flat on your back, they seem to disappear, that’s another red flag. You don’t need fair weather friends.

If they’re into drama or always come around when they need something, this is a bad sign as well.

This last one is a biggie! If they’re quick to believe the lies and smears your bullies spread about you, then they’re definitely not friends!

It pays to choose your friends wisely.

This Post Was about how to spot fake friends so that you can get rid of them and take back your peace and dignity.

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