Tag: bullying

unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.

Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

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‘Want to know how your bullies will react when you begin speaking out against bullying? Here are the reactions you need to know about so that you can learn how to re-frame them and see them for what they are. Also, here’s why you should feel good about it when your bullies react out of panic.

speaking out against bullying

Remember that your bullies thrive on your silence. Why? Because, as long as you stay quiet about the abuse they inflict on you, they can continue to avoid accountability. Even worse, they get to continue bullying you freely and with impunity.

Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that you begin speaking out if you want to take your power and your life back.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how your bullies will react when you begin speaking out against bullying. Also, you will learn how much it will positively change your life.

Once you learn what to expect from bullies, you will be prepared to double down and stand your ground no matter what. In that, you will successfully take back your personal power and, with it, control over your life.

This post is all about what happens when you start speaking out against bullying and the positive life-changes that come with it.

Speaking out against bullying

Speaking out against bully starts with reporting your bullies and their bullying when it happens to you. Bullies made coerce you to stay silent. In fact, they may intimidate and induce fear into you. They may threaten physical violence or social consequences.

However, you have a right to safety and dignity. Therefore, reporting your bullies is the first step if you want to overcome bullying.

 Yes, speaking out is scary and yes, it involves taking a huge risk of being retaliated against.

But understand that anytime your bullies retaliate and seek to punish you for reporting them, it speaks volumes. It shows that they’re desperate. Moreover, it shows that they’re guilty!

Why? Because if your bullies weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t need to retaliate and they wouldn’t make such an effort to silence you.

In other words, behind a bully’s retaliation for your refusal to stay silent is the knowledge of their own guilt and fear of exposure and resulting consequences. Sadly, most people still haven’t caught onto this yet.

But what if I report it and people in authority refuse to listen?

Understand this right now. Although members of authority and bystanders may not want to listen to your pleas for help, the truth is that they can never un-hear what you’ve told them.

Moreover, though they all may cover for the bully and deny they saw any bullying take place, they can still never unsee it. As long as it reaches their eyes and ears, you still have a voice.

Speaking out against bullying:

When Bullies Retaliate because you spoke out, it screams panic and desperation.

Think about this. Warplanes always get bombarded with the most flack any time they’re flying over their target. This is when the battle is at it’s absolute worst!

You see, the closer the plane gets to the target, the more the enemy will escalate their defensive attacks.

It’s the same with bullies. Any time you peg them on their BS, you’re over the target. And they will hurl all kinds of vicious attacks on you.

Therefore, accept it, expect it, and most importantly prepare for it.

Moreover, if you ever find yourself in this kind of situation, don’t let them shake you. Always remember the warplane analogy and you’ll better withstand the onslaught. Even better, you’ll be able to call it out when it happens.

You’d be surprised how much easier it is to fight against something once you can name it. A problem that you can put a name on and explain clearly is a problem you can more easily solve.

5 Things Bullies and Abusers Do When You Call out Their Abuse

Here’s how your bullies will react when you put their bullying on blast.

1. Speaking out Against Bullying:

Lash out at you.

This is the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. In other words, they’ll scream and yell at you. They’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names. In fact, they’ll call everything but a child of God.

I won’t kid you. It will be difficult to face but don’t panic and don’t be afraid.

Instead, see it for what it is. By breaking your silence, you forced your bullies to reveal their true colors. Why?

Because when your bullies fly off the handle and viciously attack you, that’s when you know you’ve busted them. In fact, you force them to bust themselves just by their very reactions!

Also, you force them to explain themselves.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly remove their “authority”- their power because neither power nor authority ever explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

In other words, you instantly snatch them out of their position of power and move them into a vulnerable position. You automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a subordinate place.

In short, you strip them of power. Ouch!

2. Deny their abuse.

Bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively, claiming they never bullied or mistreated you. And, you can be sure that they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen to them the same thing.

Again, don’t let it deter you. Calmly tell them, “Don’t try to deny it because you did.” The trick is to not only call out what they did, but also to call out their denial of it.

3. Speaking out Against Bullying:

Gaslight you.

Oftentimes, when you defend yourself against a bully, others may gaslight you by either trivializing the bullying or dismissing it.

They may claim that you must’ve misinterpreted them somehow. Moreover, they may question your memory of the events. They may even accuse you of imagining things.

 You may hear remarks such as, “it’s only in your mind” or “you’re just being overly sensitive”.

Also, they may make statements such as:

  • “Well, we were just kids then.”
  • “But that’s all water under the bridge.”
  • “Just let bygones be bygones.”
  • ”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it” or accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their main goal is to shut you up.

Here are other objectives for their gaslighting:

  • To minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
  • To make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
  • To cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations or any backlash they might receive.

You must realize that this is gaslighting and it speaks volumes about their character. You know bullying when it happens to you, so, don’t be afraid to counter their gaslighting.

4. Speaking out Against Bullying:

Defame you.

The second you notice their bullying and call it out is when bullies and abusers lose control over you. Therefore, if they can no longer control you, they will control how others see you.

And they will tell everyone who will listen what a lowdown piece of garbage you are.

However, as difficult as it may be, don’t let it phase you. Realize that they’re panicking and in a mad rush to do some damage control. Why? Because they’re afraid that word about their true nature just might get around and cause them to lose face.

So, expect them to tell everyone that you’re “mentally imbalanced” and that you’re having some sort of mental episode.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t react so desperately. So, always see this as an admission of guilt.

5. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared. Understand that this is the best outcome because if they’re avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them trying to gaslight you.

Why? Because they know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already very quickly circulating.

However, be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may avoid you long enough to defame you to others. Moreover, they just might secretly plot revenge against you for daring to open your mouth.

Different bullies react different ways and may use any or all four of the above defensive measures.

Speaking out Against Bullying:

In conclusion:

I can’t stress this enough. Bullies and abusers count on your silence. Moreover, they detest, or more appropriately, fear the possibility of you exposing them.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because it puts them at risk of losing respect in the community.

Therefore, the last thing they want is for other people to see them for the monsters they are.

Understand that bullies make everything about appearances. And when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them.

So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both.

Again, don’t be afraid. Instead, see it as they’re unwittingly revealing themselves and let them go at it. Let them launch their personal attacks.

By attacking you, they only tell off on themselves.

This post was all about the possible reactions of bullies when you begin speaking out against bullying. The purpose of this post was to help you see through their reactions so that you’ll be more encouraged to talk.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

2. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

4. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

5. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies

Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

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‘Want to know about bullying and power so that you can preserve your autonomy? Here are the two categories of power you need to be aware of so that you can prevent others from dis-empowering you.

bullying and power

It’s no secret that, for bullying to happen, there has to be a power imbalance because bullies don’t bully unless they know they’re more powerful.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying and power and the kinds of power bullies use to dominate and control you. Also, you’ll learn about the two main categories of power as well as the power bullies use. You will learn what each tactic entails so that you can keep yourself safe.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be better able to protect yourself from bullies who wish to strip you of your power. Moreover, you will be further compelled to defend and protect yourself against them.

This post is all about bullying and power to give you more knowledge of how bullies attempt to take your power away and lord it over. It’s also about the two main categories of power and what comes with it so that you can guard your personal power and protect it.

Bullying and Power

Everyone wants to have power. You, me, everyone. It’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is hell on earth. That’s why I say, everyone wants power, if only a little of it.

When a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. In essence, they are as a leaf being blown around in the wind.

They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them. And it’s a terrible way to live because, without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It would be the worst thing that could ever happen to you!

Therefore, typical people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments and achievements. They get power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

In other words, people who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs, family life, talents, finances, and physical health.  Therefore, it’s why people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day.

It’s also why they display their talents and gifts. Furthermore, it’s the reason they take pride in their families.

For instance, a mother gets her sense of power from her ability to create a good home for her babies. A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh.

Bullying and Power:

Getting this kind of power doesn’t require steamrolling other people

A singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice, through song. An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. And a student gets her sense of power through making exceptional grades, getting diplomas/degrees, and winning titles, such as Honor Roll or Summa Cum Laude.

Moreover, one thing they all have in common is that they do it without stepping on others. Therefore, understand that getting power this way doesn’t require hurting others and there are no winners and losers.

There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

1. Personal power

This is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path and to choose your own wants.

Moreover, it’s having the freedom to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you are already the director of your own life-movie.

Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

Here’s what personal power includes.

a. Bullying and Power:

autonomy

Autonomy is the freedom to make your own decisions and to do what you know is best for you. Also, it’s the power to decide your likes and dislikes and what you will and will not put up with.

B. Freedom

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course, but with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course.

You may have to take detours, and yes, you may have to take the long way to your destination. However, you know where you’re going, and you eventually get to where you want to go.

c. Peace of mind

You’re at peace with yourself and you trust yourself to make the right choices for yourself.

D. Confidence

You’re confident in yourself and in the decisions you make. Moreover, you aren’t afraid to take risks and to make hard decisions to get to where you want to go.

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because bullies are incompetent fools who have no intelligence (social or otherwise).

Bullying and Power:

Bullies cannot achieve personal power

They also have no sense of responsibility, no talent- no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Therefore, the only way bullies can achieve satisfaction, happiness, success, or self-actualization (power) is to inflict harm on others.

The only way they can achieve power in their jobs, families, finances, etc. is by steamrolling people. Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

2. Power over 

This type of power involves lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. Power over violates boundaries. It shows no respect nor regard.

Moreover, it seeks to oppress and block you from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom. In power over there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (you).

Power over is a zero-sum game. Always! Also, power over is against personal power and it only takes it away. Here’s all that it involves.

a. Coercion through threats and intimidation

For instance, physical bullies will force you to do things you don’t want to do by threatening bodily harm. In other words, they warn you that if you don’t do what they want you to do, they will “punch you in the face” or “beat the living hell out of you.”

These types of bullies will also try to frighten you through dirty looks and threatening gestures. Put another way, they’ll give you the death glare or pound their fist into the palm of their opposite hand while glaring at you.

Moreover, they may damage your property and steal your belongings.

Other types of threats and intimidation tactics include threatening to get you into trouble with friends, family, friends, school staff, or workplace management.

B. Bullying and power:

Humiliation

Bullies use humiliation by calling you names and ridiculing you in public. They can also take your personal belongings, such as sanitary napkins, birth control pills, or condoms and flash them around in public, then telling everyone they belong to you.

Bullies do this to shame and embarrass you. Moreover, they do it to make you look foolish in front of others. Humiliation, or the threat of it, is a powerful tool to control and dominate others and bullies know it.

c. Emotional bullying

Emotional bullying happens when bullies put you down to make you feel bad about yourself. This is a form of coercive control because the bully is trying to control your state of mind and the way you feel.

In other words, they manipulate your emotions.

Emotional bullying involves name-calling and giving you degrading nicknames. Moreover, it involves staring at you, giggling and laughing at you.

Even worse, it can involve triggering you by bringing up a past traumatic event that may have happened to you.

This could be an embarrassing mistake you made in the past or a past bullying incident you suffered. It could also be something as terrible as the death of a spouse or parent or a physical attack that nearly took your life.

Bullies will use these tactics when you refuse them. They’ll use emotional bullying as a way to wear you down and get you to cave into their demands.

Therefore, many victims of bullying give up, give in, and do what bullies want, if only to appease them. And, they do it hoping the bullies will leave them alone.

d. Bullying and Power:

Social Isolation

This involves using smear campaigns, rumors, and vicious gossip to tarnish your reputation. Also, it involves the silent treatment and punishing your friends and others who continue associating with you.

Bullies do these things to turn other people against you and thus, socially isolate you. Moreover, bullying your friends is a way to force your pals to eventually decide the cost of talking to you is too high.

E. Financial and Economic Abuse

This includes ruining your chances of employment by blackballing you. Also, bullies can make calls to different companies and tell lies about you. Or, they can use a past mistake you made to lessen the chances of them hiring you.

Bullies may even show up at your workplace and cause a big scene to get you terminated. Moreover, they may steal your money, hack into your back account, or steal your identity.

F. Legal abuse (Law-fare)

Bullies may file frivolous lawsuits or false charges against you to clean you out or get you arrested and thrown in jail. Understand that they do this to make your life a living nightmare and weigh you down in legal bills.

You must realize that these types of bullies don’t care so much about winning or losing the case. The process alone is the punishment. In other words, what they really want is to keep you fighting legal battles to drain your financial resources.

g. Bullying and Power:

Use social status or capital

High-status bullies will use their social status to lord it over you. They may treat you like a maidservant or errand-boy. Moreover, they may act as gatekeeper to church, school, workplace, or community social activities and functions.

h. Cyber-bullying, online harassment, and cyber-stalking

These bullies may flame you. You may ask, “What is flaming?” because there are still many who haven’t heard of it.

Flaming is sending incendiary, defamatory, harassing or threatening emails, IMs, text messages, or private messages on social media.

Moreover, they may also do this on message boards, forums, and chat rooms.

Bullies may also create duplicate social media accounts and claim to be you. They may then post porn, intimate information, or mean insulting things to your friends and followers to get them to delete and block you.

Worst case scenario, they may even hack your SM accounts and take them over to lock you out and post horrible things on your pages.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s so important that you begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free.

You will finally begin living instead of existing. Moreover, just knowing all the tactics bullies use will make all the difference!

This post is all about bullying and power. It’s also about 2 main types of power and components of each so that you can distinguish between the two and protect your personal power from those who wish to take it from you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

4. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

5. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

threatening body language examples

Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

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‘Want to know how to read threatening body language so you can protect yourself before bullies have a chance to hurt you? Here are 21 Nonverbal bullying signals you must know about.

threatening body language

Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words. Words have power, yes. But without the body language that goes with them, they’re only static- empty noise.

Seasoned bullies often don’t use words to intimidate you. They threaten you with their body language because it’s less detectable than words.

Therefore, in this post you will learn to read threatening body language so that you can be aware and protect yourself before anything bad happens.

Once you learn all about this life-saving information, you will be more alert when bullies try to intimidate you. As a result, you’ll be better prepared to stand up to them or remove yourself from the situation.

This post is all about threatening body language, what it means, and how you can respond to it properly to defend yourself from bullies.

Threatening body language

If you’re stuck in an environment that’s peppered with bullies, the ability to read even the most subtle cues is a must. Bullies are masters at hiding their imperfections, their motives, and their intentions.

Therefore, you must pick up on what they try to conceal, and you can only do it by correctly observing their most subtle cues and pantomimes.

Every movement, even the tiniest, from eye movements to gestures, holds a wealth of information. Moreover, every body position and stance also hold info. Everything people do or don’t do conveys a message. We are forever communicating.

Therefore let’s get right into it. Here are all the threatening body language cues you’re likely to get from bullies.

1. Eyes- That Creepy Piercing Glare.

The bully’s eyebrows narrow and their eyes bore into you without blinking. The head does not move. Moreover, the person stares you down as if they want to attack you.

Understand that bullies do this number to either challenge or intimidate you. Therefore, you must return the same stare to the bully and they’ll likely go away.

2. Nose- The Nostril Flare.

You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flare when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies.

When a bully wants to harm you, their nostrils flare to take in the extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. In other words, when a person’s nostrils flare at you, look out!

Why? Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Therefore, keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to defend yourself.

3. Threatening body Language:

Jaw- The Jaw Clinch.

The bully is gritting his teeth at you and hiding it. When this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding. The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight.

Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore it. Stay vigilant.

4. Mouth- Pursing of the Lips, the One-Sided Upper-Lip Raise, Baring of the teeth (snarling).

There are many expressions bullies use with their mouths.

  • Pursed lips. Lip pursing looks like the lips are thinned out and pushing together hard. Moreover, pursed lips are a sign of anger and hostility. However, pay attention to context because they can also signal concentration and decision-making.
  • The One-Sided Upper-lip Raise is a clear sign of contempt or disgust. Coupled with a glare, the message is even clearer. The person loathes you.
  • Baring of the teeth or snarling. Another thing bullies may do with their mouths is bare their teeth or snarl at you. This is a way for them to threaten and intimidate you. Again, return the expression but be prepared.

Therefore, don’t look away. Instead, return the sentiment to show the bully that the feelings are mutual and you aren’t intimidated. Chances are that the bully will likely shift their eyes away from you.

However, if they don’t, keep your guard up and prepare to defend yourself.

5. Threatening Body Language:

Chin- The Jutted Chin.

The bully tilts the head back and juts his chin forward strictly to look down his nose at you. Therefore, when the bully does this, he is either challenging you, trying to intimidate you, or he truly thinks he’s superior.

Again, return the sentiment and the bully will likely back down.

6. Neck- The Exposed Neck.

The bully will expose and lengthen the neck to challenge you. People do this to show that they aren’t afraid of the person in front of them and can hold their own if necessary.

Moreover, bullies do it to make themselves appear taller and to intimidate anyone in their way. Again, reflect the gesture back to the bully and he’ll likely leave you alone.

7. Shoulders- The Shoulder Throw.

Bullies will often throw their shoulders back to convey confidence and power. Therefore, if you want to appear confident, never slouch the shoulders. Always stand up straight, tall, and with your shoulders back.

8. Chest- The Puffed-Out Chest.

The bully’s chest puffs outward toward you. Also, the chest fills with extra air in preparation for a possible fight. In other words, this is not only done to make the bully look bigger and to intimate you, but also a sign of a coming physical attack.

Be aware and be prepared.

9. Threatening body language:

Arms- Arms Akimbo.

The arms of a bully are often akimbo (elbows out, hands on hips, thumbs forward). This makes the bully appear bigger and more powerful.

Also, bullies use this gesture to intimidate you and show power and superiority over you. Therefore, to raise your chances of warding off these creeps, stand with power, and send the message that you won’t be a victim.

10. Crossed Arms.

When coupled with the jutted chin, bullies will also cross their arms anytime they’re facing you. Crossed arms are not only a sign of superiority and power, they also convey closed body language.

Why? Because, when a bully crosses his arms when facing you, it means they are “closed” to anything you have to say.

However, note that victims will also cross their arms when a bully confronts them. However, the difference is that they cross their arms to avoid a possible attack to the torso. In this context, crossed arms signal intimidation.

 Victims may also throw their hands and arms in front of their face and neck. Instead of using the jutted chin, a victim will lower the head, hide the neck, and slouch. This is where paying attention to clustered body language comes in.

To keep bullies away, never slouch, lower the head nor hide the neck. You must always look confident and mirror the bully’s body language back to them or they’ll eat you alive!

11. Threatening Body Language:

Hands- The Clenching Fists.

The bully will often clench their fists when they want to physically attack you. Therefore, always see this as a sign the person wants to harm you and be ready in case they do.

12. Mid-Section- The Crotch Expose.

This is done mostly by boys and men. Although it is a sign of sexual interest in a potential mate, it can also be used to intimidate you and to assert dominance and power.

You’ll know the difference by the context.

If you are male, take a power pose. On the other hand, if you are female and this is used by a male bully for intimidation, stand facing the bully.

When you face your bully, do so with your feet apart and hands on your hips. Then challenge him with a death glare.

You can also give him a dismissive look and walk away.

13. Legs- Legs Apart.

Again, most bullies stand with their feet shoulder-width apart to appear bigger and more powerful. Confident people also stand this way.

Therefore, if you want to appear confident and keep bullies at bay, this is how you should stand.

The Dominant Leg Back-step.

This is when the bully steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes!

Therefore, if you see the bully step back with one leg, either get clear or be prepared to fight!

14. Threatening Body Language:

Feet- The Toe Point.

Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading. The toes always point to where the person wants to go.

If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction. Whereas, if the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you and their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the context and other cues their body will give you. It pays to observe!

Threatening Body Language:

Putting it all together

Dominance and Superiority Body Language

 15. Bullies take up lots of space to appear bigger.

You will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall. They will lengthen their necks and make sure their torsos are exposed to convey confidence and bravery.

16. They will stand extra close to you.

In fact, bullies will stand so close that they will sometimes touch you as they deliberately invade your personal space. Understand that they do this to intimidate you.

Also, they do this to provoke you and dare you to do anything about it.

17. Bullies will use threatening, clustered facial expressions.

They will frown and purse their lips at you while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact. Also, your bullies will bore their eyes into you like a dagger, without moving their heads.

18. Threatening Body Language:

They will freely touch you because they have no regard for your personal space.

For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. They may also grab you by the arm and lead (or drag) you where they want you to go.

A bully may also physically move you to the side or shove past you.

Understand the message behind it. Your bully intends to show you who’s in charge. Moreover, they may also do these things to signal ownership of you.

Yes. You read this correctly. In the bully’s mind, he owns you. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

19. If you’re sitting, your bully or bullies will stand over you to look bigger and more intimidating.

Moreover, bullies who are short in stature will stand on something to appear taller than you. Some may even stand on their tiptoes.

20. Threatening Body Language:

Bullies will also lay claim to your territory or property.

Your desk, chair, and parking space is fair game. Also, your bullies will expect others to obey rules when near their claimed area or object.

They may walk into your room, office, dorm, or home uninvited and without knocking. Moreover, your bullies may plop down in your chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on your vehicle, parking in your parking space, cutting in front of you in line, or propping their feet on the back of your chair when sitting behind you.

Also, your bullies put their hands on your personal belongings with a carefree attitude. Their message is, “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

 They’ll walk up to your table during lunch, pick a French fry off your plate in front of you, and pop it in their mouths. Or, your bullies may pick up your fork and take a bite of your food.

Moreover, bullies will pick up your phone and scroll through the contents. They will also rummage through your purse or pick up your jacket and go through the pockets.

The hidden message is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

Understand that bullies do these things to take away your power. When they do any of these things, tell them in no uncertain terms to keep their hands off your shit! In fact, you may have to knock the hell out of somebody to get your point across!

21. Bullies will invade public territory.

They’ll walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them. Also, bullies will stand in the middle of a road or driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait.

In Conclusion:

It’s important that you respond to these signals and do it with power. Never ignore them. Mirror any threatening facial expressions or gestures.

Moreover, if a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

The point is to show the bully that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. And be willing to fight in you must.

This post is all about threatening body Language and what you can do to respond with strength so that you can let the bullies know you won’t be their victim.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

4. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

5. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

Culture of bullying in school systems

Culture of Bullying in Schools: Why Schools Lose Money

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‘Want to know why a culture of bullying in schools causes them to lose money and what you can do if you or your child suffers bullying? Here are all the facts you need to know about and the steps you can take if you’re a parent of a bullied child.

culture of bullying in schools

“When bullied children stay home to avoid hurtful relationships, schools lose tens of millions of dollars each year, a study says.” (Education Week)

According to The Atlantic (theatlantic.com) in a 2013 article by Eleanor Barkham, “160,000 kids stay home from school each day to avoid being bullied.” (https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp/.theatlantic.com/amp/article/280201/)

It adds up. Imagine those numbers per week, per month, and school year.
Each state receives federal funding for education.

You will learn all about the culture of bullying in schools and why educational institutions lose money. Moreover, you will learn what they’re doing about it and why you should be concerned. Lastly, you will learn what you can do if you or your child is stuck in a school where bullies run amuck.

Once you learn all of this life-saving information, you will be prompted to take steps to get yourself or your child out of a toxic learning environment. Then, you will select a school where you or your kid can learn in peace and flourish.

This post is all about the culture of bullying in schools and why they lose money. It’s also about what these schools are doing about it and why you should be concerned. Lastly, it’s about the importance of transferring your child to a safer school so that they can learn in a safe environment.

Culture of Bullying In Schools

The federal government funds the states, then each state funds each of its schools a specific dollar amount per day, per child in attendance. Therefore, when a student is absent from class on any given day, the school loses money for that particular student that day.

Many schools choose to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug. Moreover, it’s the victims who others label the troublemakers. In other words, they blame the incident victim of bullying for the abuse they suffer. Even worse people punish the target while letting the bullies off the hook.

This only encourages the bullies to bully the victim again later. Then, the abuse becomes a cycle that only repeats itself. This is why many victims skip school to avoid their tormentors and the teachers and staff who continuously blame them for their own suffering.

I don’t blame these kids for staying home. Many times, I skipped class myself when I was in school. All because of bullying.

Who wants to be in an environment where people continuously abuse them? You might as well stay home because you’re so busy watching your back that you don’t learn anything.

If school staff fails to address bullying at the district level, more bullied kids will skip school to avoid being tormented. Therefore, schools will lose more funds.

In my opinion, it serves these schools right! It’s funny how things always run full circle!

Reasons to Leave a Toxic Environment

A Positive Environment

When you’re in the right environment, you thrive instead of survive. In other words, when you can learn in a place that is accepting, loving, and nurturing, you can grow and flourish.

In a positive environment, under the right conditions, you feel free to be yourself. You can express your own ideas and opinions confidently and without fear.

Also, you feel safe and secure. You can be confident and build positive relationships with others. Thus giving you the freedom to create and to show your talents.

The people around you encourage and support you. They cooperate and give you the freedom to be and do. Moreover, they gently nudge and push you to be your best. This is the kind of environment that nurtures your soul.

Whereas, in the wrong environment, you stumble and fall. When you’re stuck somewhere that is toxic, oppressive, restrictive, and harmful, you only survive.

In other words, you don’t work at your full potential. You only squeeze by. Instead of grow, you only stagnate, or worse, regress. In other words, instead of flourish, you only wither.

Culture of bullying In Schools:

A Toxic Environment

In a toxic environment, under terrible conditions, you aren’t free. You’re only a prisoner. You’re a slave – a victim.

Humans need more than just food and water to survive. They also need positivity and encouragement. They need healthy people around them.  Also, human beings need diverse experiences instead of sameness.

Sadly, a toxic, bullying environment only promotes sameness. It doesn’t tolerate any form of diversity because it loathes anything different.

Environmental stimuli have a huge impact on your mental health and social interactions. Moreover, it can make you bitter or better. Your environment can either cause you to progress or regress.

Therefore, if you find yourself in an environment that sucks the oxygen out of you, you must remove yourself from it. Though it may not always be easy to do. Leaving a toxic place will salvage your self-esteem and mental health. In doing so, you will save yourself a lot of stress and heartache. Moreover, you will save yourself months of recovery.

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

Self-doubt kills dreams. It comes when bullies and abusers shower a target person with toxicity. Therefore, when all a person gets are insults and abuse for a long period of time, they become exhausted. Moreover, any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if targets aren’t careful, they’ll start to believe their abusers. In other words, they’ll start seeing themselves through the eyes of their bullies. They’ll give up and others will see in them, a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly.

The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Culture of bullying in Schools:

Bullying takes away your spirit.

In other words, you’re in survival mode. And you lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

Bullying and abuse takes the joy out of your life. Moreover, you begin to daydream about escaping your current situation. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck.

Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse. You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer that way.

Finally, you stop growing as a person because you live inside your head instead of observing life that’s going on around you. As a result you stop and learning the lessons life is trying to teach you.

All the while, the bullying and abuse you suffer only gets worse because everyone around you knows that you’re living inside your head and they ridicule you for it.

And people do not know what you are going through. Therefore, they may mistake you for being lazy, slow, or foolish.

However, it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself and the bullying only gets worse. It is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Culture of Bullying in Schools:

You must have a good balance of positive and negative experiences.

Not only do I understand how you feel inside, I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, people can’t grow without positivity.

Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight and people need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just negativity nor positivity.

Too much negativity or, in this case, toxicity, and the person’s emotional and psychological growth will be stunted. Moreover, their happiness, confidence, and dreams will die. As a result, they’ll give up.

Too much positivity, and they lose touch with the real world and real people. Therefore, they become arrogant, full of themselves, demanding, and tyrannical!

There has to be a healthy balance of both before a person can truly grow.

Culture of bullying in schools:

Never accept anything your bullies tell you.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies and abusers try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all.

Although they may claim they know you more than you know yourself. The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like you do. Moreover, anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Therefore, stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with people who love you and who uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope. Also, realize that you’re worth much more than what your bullies say. Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most.

And those things are your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

And how you do this is through self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment. Go to a new place where you can grow and flourish.

In a new environment, you have the chance to make friends and be not only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own hero and best friend. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who allow you to shine and the sun to shine on you!

This post was all about the culture of bullying in schools so that you can know whether your school has that toxic culture and convince your family to take advantage of school choice.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids! 

2. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Bullying Support: 7 Resources You Can Reach Out to

5. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

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‘Want to know the reasons bullies target quiet people? Here are all the reasons bullies bully the silent the most so that you can feel better about yourself if you’re an introvert people like to bully.

why bullies target quiet people

Bullies usually go after the people who are the quietest. But why?

In this post you will learn all the reasons bullies target the quiet ones the most. Moreover, if you’re an introvert who others like to bully, you will learn why your silence isn’t such a bad thing and can be a gift.

Once you learn all these important points, you will feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you will be compelled to use your silence as a means to expose your bullies.

This post is all about why bullies target quiet people so that you can feel good about your silence rather than see it as a defect.

Why Bullies Target Quiet People

Many times, it’s the quiet person who often gets targeted by bullies. So, why do bullies go after those who have little to say?

The silent types usually mind their own business. They have no need for attention, and they don’t bother anyone.

Quiet people don’t feel the need to be a part of a group to feel important. They work hard and stay out of the way. Therefore, again, why won’t bullies leave them alone?

There are several reasons:

1. Bullies presume quiet people to be weak and timid.

introverts who have low Self-Esteem.

Bullies can sniff out low self-esteem very quickly and from far off. In fact, they seem to have radars for it!

Low self-esteem is difficult to hide because it very subtly seeps out through your body language and your entire demeanor. Moreover, people with low self-esteem carry themselves complete different from those with healthy self-esteem.

They slouch when they sit or stand. Whereas, people with healthy self-esteem will hold their shoulders back and stand up straight.

Also those with low self-esteem tend to have downcast eyes and hold their heads down. On the other hand, confident people look up and ahead while holding their heads high and lengthening the neck.

Naturally, bullies take notice and, therefore, take full advantage!

Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

However, not all introverts have low self-esteem. Bullies often mistake Quiet Confidence for low self-esteem.

Most people are under the misguided belief that quiet people are afraid of conflict. Moreover, they think that the silent types are socially awkward misfits whom others have shot down in the past and are now using avoidance to play it safe.

But in reality, they have better things to do. In other words, these quiet people have no time for gossip and other meaningless chit-chats.

It’s true that many of the silent types do have low self-esteem. However, not all of them do. Therefore, bullies can mistakenly select introverts who often have quiet confidence.

Why? Because they mistake their reserved nature for low self-esteem. As a result, lots of bullies have ended up getting the shock of their lives. The quiet target often snaps and ends up kicking the bullies’ asses up between their shoulders.

Therefore, still waters run deep and bullies need to watch out when messing with the quiet ones. Because quiet people are unpredictable!

2. Bullies mistakenly believe they’re least likely to stand up for themselves.

Unfortunately, bullies think that because someone isn’t loud and obnoxious like they are, they won’t defend themselves when provoked. This is a fallacy. I’ve seen many bullies push silents too far and end up with a face-full of humble pie.

3. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Others mistake quiet people for being standoffish.

Bullies will presume that silents are stuck up and think they’re too good to speak. Moreover, bullies can’t stand it if there’s a possibility that someone is ignoring them.

Remember that bullies love attention and they’ll do anything to get it. Therefore, they target the quiet person to get a reaction out of them. Or, they’ll punish them for “being so stuck up.”

4. People think that the silent are sneaky and have something to hide.

Therefore, bullies will often target them to shake them up. They do this to make them slip up and accidentally reveal “whatever it is they’re hiding” out of nervousness.

Bullies often believe the stereotypes they’ve heard about people of few words:

  • “It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for!”
  • “The quiet ones are the most dangerous!”
  • “Watch out for the quiet ones!”

But wait! It goes much deeper.

5. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Quiet people intimidate bullies.

Only the bullies will never in this lifetime admit it! So, why would someone so silent be so intimidating to bullies?

It’s because bullies have no idea what to expect from them. Moreover, they have to work twice as hard to study and assess them to see if they’re easy targets.

6. Quiet people are unpredictable.

Therefore, this makes the quiet person a threat. Remember that bullies rely on a target’s predictability to bully effectively.

And if you can’t predict what a person’s next move is likely to be, that, in and of itself, can be very frightening. Moreover, if the person is the kind who’s stoic, all the more difficult it will be to “get their number.” In other words, the less you say, the harder others must work to figure you out.

Also, many bullies see the silence as a challenge and will rise to it by provoking the person to get a reaction.

7. Having little to say can keep bullies off balance.

Put simpler, if bullies can’t figure out where you stand on anything, where your hot buttons are, or your desires, likes, and dislikes, they have less fodder and ammo to use against you.

In other words, if they aren’t sure what gets you excited, ticks you off, or makes you nervous, they can’t control you so easily.

Also, because you don’t show your cards, bullies resent you for making them work so hard to pin them.

8. Why bullies Target Quiet People:

Quiet people expose bullies by staying- well, quiet!

Quiet people are very in tune with what goes on around them. They listen very deeply while those around them rattle off at the mouth, exposing everything about themselves.

As everyone knows, bullies are loud, obnoxious, and talk too much. In fact, most of them never shut up. Most targets are quiet, and yes, many are silent because of the fear bullies have instilled in them.

However, there are those targets who are quiet for a different reason. They know that you can’t observe as effectively when you’re too busy yapping.

Think about it. When you’re quiet, you’re watching people closely and listening very carefully to them. Your silence allows you to pick up on things that those with big mouths miss.

You watch, you listen, and you learn so much about your bullies and bystanders too. You watch their body language and you can do it without staring. In fact, you can use your peripheral vision and no one will suspect a thing from you.

You listen to their voices- tonality, pitch, the slightest quiver- and it tells you so much. Therefore, they always say that it’s the quiet ones you should watch out for.

In this case, they’re right! Because, on your silence, you can pick up everything and have people figured out in no time.

9. In their silence, quiet people terrify bullies.

They keep them under their control. Subconsciously, bullies know this, and it drives them nuts! Why? Because bullies can never tell what the silent types are thinking.

Remember that bullies are masters at reading people. However, the quiet person puts their people-reading skills to the test and bullies hate that!

10. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Bullies desire to know what others are thinking.

Again. Quiet people make bullies uncomfortable and their silence makes it difficult to guess their intentions. Therefore, bullies get frustrated when their people-reading skills don’t work like they have before.

11. Quiet people put bullies on the defensive.

Their answers are short and silences are long. Therefore, this automatically puts bullies on the defense. Why? Because the bullies assume the quiet person is getting short with them.

So, if you’re a silent person and a target of bullies, don’t let them shake you. Continue to play your cards close to the vest.

Realize that your lack of predictability is what protects you. You must understand that silence has a power all it’s own. Use it.

Silence really is Golden.

Understand that the quiet person may not be talking but trust me. They’re watching people, especially bullies, like a hawk and they’re listening.

In fact, they’re studying people’s every micro-expression. They’re analyzing every tiny detail in others’ movements and actions. Moreover, the silent person is assessing every little sound those around them make.

Quiet people are also constantly thinking and planning. So if you’re a bully, especially a loudmouth one, don’t underestimate them. Remember, “it’s the quiet ones you must watch out for.”

And if you’re a target, use your silence to figure out not only your bullies, but also the bystanders and those who claim to be your friends too.

Remember. Your silence can be a powerful weapon if you know how to use it.

This post was all about why bullies target quiet people so that, if you’re an introvert, you can feel good about your silence and use it to expose bullies and keep them on the back foot.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

2. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

3. Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

4. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

5. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

hostile body language at work

Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

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‘Want to know how to recognize hostile body language when you see it? Here are all the warning signs that your bullies either want to or are about to physically attack you.

hostile body language

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected. This type of bullying can occur either at school,  in the workplace, or even in the community.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the subtlest of hostile body language so that you can be prepared when a bully gets ready to attack you.

Once you learn all about this life-saving information, you will be better prepared to defend yourself against any physical attack.

This post is all about how to recognize hostile body language so that you can fight back against physical bullying and ensure your safety.

Hostile Body Language

Before we get into the body language cues, let’s first talk about proxemics and zone distances. So, what is proxemics?

Proxemics is knowledge and study of personal space. In other words, it deals with the amount of space between you and other people. This amount of space between people is known as zone distance.

We practice different zone distances based on the relationship we have with the people in the room around us.

There are 4 different types of zone distances.

1. Intimate Zone

(6-18 inches) This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, unwelcome bullies will move into your intimate zone when they’re feeling hostile toward you and are about to attack.

Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close. Therefore, our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

Many bullies may also invade your intimate area only to toy with you and get you to react. Then, they’ll only step back and laugh at your reaction.

But do not ignore it! No matter how they do it, your bullies are still invading your space and you absolutely must set boundaries.

Call the bully out. Moreover, let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.

If they still violate your space after you’ve told them not to, it’s time to fight. So, knock the living hell out of them and beat them so bad that they’ll think twice before doing it again.

2. Hostile body language:

Personal Zone

(18-48 inches) We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!

3. Social Zone

(4-12 feet) These distances, we stand from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from you.

Therefore, you might not want to respond if you don’t want to look unstable. However, do keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move closer!

4. Public Zone 

(Over 12 feet) We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand at these distances from you and not look conspicuous or threatening.

(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)

Hostile Body Language:

Nonverbal Signals that a Bully is About to Attack You

If a bully is about to commit physical violence against you, you’ll know it by paying attention to their body language. Here is what bullies do when they are about to get physical.

1. They’ll get in your face.

Bullies are notorious for violating others’ personal space. They make it a point to get too close. Therefore, they’ll get in your face.

I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge you. Also, bullies may do this to dare you to hit them first.

Therefore, haul off and deck this person with every ounce of strength you have! This may sound old school or even barbaric to some people.

However, understand that there is no “nice” way to handle it when someone gets in your face. Bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to knock the hell out of anyone who gets in your face. Because you can best believe that if a bully gets in your face, their next move will be to put hands on you.

2. Hostile Body Language:

They’ll Stand too close behind you.

Bullies will walk up behind you and stand way too close. Moreover, they’ll stand so close that the front of their bodies are actually touching your back. There’s a name for this type of move. It’s called looming.

Understand that bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant!

Therefore, see this for what it is, a violation of your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

These types of bullies have unlimited audacity. They do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never allow this type of behavior to go on. Why? Because they will only increase the behavior if you let them get away with it.

Again, understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is trying to intimidate you or challenging you, looking to fight. So, do what you have to do to teach this idiot a lesson!

3. they’ll stand over you while you’re sitting down.

If you’re sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over you to look bigger. They do this also to intimidate, challenge, or provoke you.

This is also a violation of your personal space. Moreover, it is a precursor to a physical attack. Therefore, you must beat them to it. Be quick about jumping up and knocking the holy hell out of them.

The only way to handle this type of bullying is to make them never want to try it again!

4. Hostile Body Language:

They may grab you like an object.

 For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. Moreover, they may grab you by the arm and lead you where they want them to go.

A bully may also physically move you to the side or shove past you. Understand that the bully intends to show you who’s in charge. Or they might want to compete with you.

The bully may also do these things to signal ownership of you. Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you. Therefore, the message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

Again, if a bully just reaches out and grabs you, it’s time to haul off and knock somebody’s teeth down their throat! Remember that we teach others how to treat us by what we put up with.

Therefore, teach this bully that there are consequences for anyone who puts their hands on you! Give them the business end of your fist!

5. They’ll size you up.

Bullies also show hostility by sizing you up. They do this by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests.

Male bullies will snarl at their victims, whereas female bullies will glare at their targets with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Bullies often glare at their targets persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch.

Therefore, these are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!

6. Hostile Body Language:

They’ll give you the death glare.

Bullies will give you a murderous glare. Moreover, they’ll maintain that glare. This will be an unblinking and unwavering eye contact as they bore their eyes into you like a dagger. Also, they will do this without moving their heads.

That stare will make the hairs stand on the back of your neck. That creepy, bone-chilling look will make you stop whatever you are doing or clam up if you’re talking.

Moreover, they will look at you so intensely, making you feel as if you’re under a microscope. The person doing the staring will be eerily calm.

This is not to say that all staring is necessarily bad. For instance, if a person likes you and has feelings for you, they may also stare. Moreover, their pupils will dilate and crinkles will form around the eyes every time they look at you.

However, the look bullies give you is much different. Their pupils only constrict, becoming tiny black holes in the irises of their eyes.

Moreover, the stare is a cold, prolonged “I’m going to kill you” look which stops you cold. This is the best way I can describe it.

However, the trick is to not let this glare intimidate you. You must realize that bullies pull this number to either challenge or intimidate you.

Therefore, return the stare and the bully will likely go away.

7. They will flare their nostrils at you.

You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flair when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies.

The nostrils flair to take in extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. When a bully does this, he’s hostile. Therefore, when a person’s nostrils flair at you, look out!

Why? Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to throw up your dukes and defend yourself.

8. Hostile Body Language:

The bully’s toes will point toward you.

This is known as the toe-point. Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading.

The toes always point to where the person wants to go. If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction.

If the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you. Therefore, their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you. It pays to observe and be prepared.

9. They will invade your privacy.

Bullies will very carefully observe you. Also, they’ll eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details. Why?

So they can take the private info and spread it to make you look bad. They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets.

Again, they want to use the info to damage your reputation. Moreover, bullies may even follow you to see where you go and who you associate with.

If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your privacy to intimidate or dominate you.

Therefore, you must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory.

Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!

9. Hostile Body Language:

Bullies will deliberately knock stuff out of your arms or off your desk as they walk by.

This is a clear provocation to fight. Why? Because they’re daring you to do something about it. Therefore, do what you must do to impose consequences. Call them out on their bad behavior even if you must raise your voice and say, “Cut it out!” or “You stop that right now!”

10. They will pinch their chin.

Bullies may look at you while pinching their chin. They pinch their chin to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them.

In other words, it is a way to hold back the urge to physically attack you.

Therefore, understand that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

 11. Bullies will clinch their jaw.

When they look at you and clinch the jaws, the bully is gritting their teeth and hiding it. Therefore, when this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding outward.

The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight. Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore. Stay vigilant.

12. Hostile Body Language:

They’ll look at you and pound their fist into something.

Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at you, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall or the palm of his/her opposite hand.

You must realize that any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for your physical body.

Moreover, girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at you.

Again, be prepared.

13. Bullies will clinch their fists.

Clinching their fists is another sign that they want to physically attack you. Therefore, always be ready just in case they do.

14. They will do what is known as Mock Fighting.

When a bully mock fights, they will look at you while, throwing punches in the air. The bully will also dance around like a boxer as he does this.

You must realize that he is doing these things to show you what he wants to do to you. I can’t stress this enough. Be on the lookout.

15. Hostile Body Language:

Snarling and Baring teeth.

This is a no-brainer. It’s a clear sign of a coming physical attack. Also, bullies do this to intimidate you. Therefore, don’t let it scare you.

Instead, just stand there and glare at them when they do this. And don’t look away. Keep glaring until the bully breaks eye contact.

Never be the one to break eye contact first. Stare the bully down and maintain that stare until the bully gives up.

The point is to show the bully that they don’t scare you. Also, it pays to be prepared and alert.

The bully may also look at you while frowning and pursing their lips. Therefore, mirror the same expression back to them. Again, don’t be the first to look away. Maintain eye contact until they give up.

16. The bully will step back with their dominant foot.

This is when the bully faces you and steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes!

Therefore, knock the hell out of them before they do it to you. Because stepping back on the dominate leg always, ALWAYS, signals coming physical violence. So, deliver an earth-shattering punch to destabilize the bully.

Then keep punching them until they’re on the floor.

17. Hostile Body Language:

They will accidentally (on purpose) run into you or trip you.

You’ll automatically know when this is no accident. Therefore, deck the bully in the nose and there won’t be a next time.

This post was all about hostile body language so that you will know it when you see it and either prepare yourself or address it accordingly.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

2. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

6. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

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‘Want to know all the effects of bullying on the victim? Here are the symptoms you have if people constantly bully you.

effects of bullying on the victim

When you endure bullying, especially after a long time, you go through so many emotions. Moreover, you know you must bury those emotions or people will punish you for them.

In this post, you will learn the effects of bullying on the victim. If you’re a victim, you must know these effects so that you’ll be able to express them better to a therapist or to a confidant.

Once you learn about these negative impacts, you’ll be able to talk to someone about it without rambling.  You’ll also be motivated to take steps to either stand up for yourself or leave the environment.

This post is all about the effects of bullying on the victim so that you can effectively speak out about it. Also, you can begin doing what you must do to take care of yourself.

Effects of Bullying on the Victim

1. fear

It’s the intense fear you feel but don’t dare show. Moreover, it’s the paralyzing social fear that sets in. It only shuts you down and leaves you withdrawn from the rest of the world.

2. Hyper-Vigilance

Once people have bullied you for so long, you become intensely suspicious of every person you meet. Any laughter you hear, you automatically think, is directed at you. This is no way to live.

3. Pinned up Rage

After people bully you for so long, you become angry. In fact, you become enraged. But you don’t dare show it. Instead, you keep it buried deep, because you know that any show of emotion will bring even more bullying.

Therefore, you constantly keep your emotions in check.

4. confusion and bewilderment

Your bullies’ behavior confuses you. You often wonder what you did to make them so hateful and irate.

Moreover, you know that you should take a stand against the bullies. You know that you should speak out about it, only you don’t know how to do it, and you’re terrified that it will only make things worse.

5. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

unanswered questions

A thousand questions play in your mind several times daily.

“Why me?” “What have I done to these people” and “How do I fix this?” are the questions you have in your head every time bullies surround you and harass you.

Moreover, you know what you want to say to the bullies.

“Look! Leave me the &%$# alone!” you scream inside your head but don’t’ dare say it because you know what’s likely to come next.

6. feelings of loneliness and isolation

When you suffer bullying, bullies smear you to keep you isolated and from making any new friends. At the same time, you automatically put up walls of protection to keep others out.

This only reinforces the separation from others.

7. loss of your entire personhood

In other words, you forget how to smile, laugh, and have a good time. In short, you forget how to connect with and interact with others.

Once bullies have browbeaten you for so long, you lose the vibrant, happy, and healthy person you once were.

Moreover, each insult, each rumor, each physical attack, each joke, and each prank cuts a little deeper. It chips away at your self-esteem, bringing you even lower.

You feel trapped, as if your bullies are holding you hostage!

8. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

Constant Living in Survival Mode

Living in survival mode can make for a hellish life. Sadly, many targets of bullying go through day-to-day life surviving instead of thriving.

Consequently, this can have an impact on your successes with your family and relationships. You’re also likely to lose opportunities for advancement and for friendships.

Living in survival mode can also effect your mental and physical health.

Being stuck in survival mode can rob you of your personal power. Why?

Because personal power is essential to personal freedom. It’s the last vestige of power you have. Therefore, without it, you’re completely powerless.

9. Mental and physical exhaustion

And when you’re exhausted, you’re only running on fumes. You need extra sleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings.

Moreover, you go into work or school at 8am dreading the day. Your butt drags around like an old, tired dog. You have zero energy, and constantly feel sluggish.

Living off raw adrenaline every day is never good. It can cause health problems, such as autoimmune disorders, hypertension, and heart issues.

10. Effects of Bullying On the Victim:

Instead of living, you only exist.

Instead of living a purposeful life, you only go through the motions. Circumstances beyond your control force you to only get by.

You have no chance of reaching your full potential and happiness quotient. Therefore, if you feel you can’t reach those levels, you don’t really live.

11. You either don’t have time to think about personal goals or you give up on them altogether.

When you busy living in survival mode, you’ll more than likely give up on your goals. Once you resign yourself, then the goal simply becomes just to survive and get through the day.

If you do think about your goals, those goals are only passing thoughts. Or you wish for your goals to materialize.

But here’s the thing about wishing instead of goal setting. Wishing denotes a spirit of lack instead of the spirit of abundance. A spirit of lack only invites more lack to come into your life.

You must understand that thoughts and feelings become our circumstances. In other words, what you think about, if even subconsciously, comes about.

12. You feel you must lie to people for your safety.

If people target you for bullying, chances are that you don’t like telling falsehoods. In fact, most victims of bullying hate lying! However, they do so out of fear and terror. Therefore, they lie out of self-preservation.

You see, a person who is under the threat of being harmed will do anything to remove that threat. Therefore, if they have to lie to save themselves, they’ll do it.

You must tell lie after lie just to survive! Why? Because you know the truth could get you hurt. So, you lie to make the bullying stop.

Consequently, if you aren’t careful, lying will eventually become a survival method.Moreover, it will turn into a terrible habit that’s hard to break.

13. Effects of Bullying on the Victim:

Learned Helplessness

After people have bullied and abused you for so long, you develop a condition called “Learned Helplessness.” In other words, you give up and forego any options you have to make a better life for yourself.

The only things you may know are bullying and abuse. Therefore, if those are the only things you know, you’re likely to stay stuck in relationships that hurt.

Moreover, you’ll probably stay in harmful environments. Why? Because bullies and abusers have conditioned you to believe that abuse is normal. Also, they make you think that it’s all you deserve and are ever going to get.

This happens to animals as well. Here’s a piece from the book, “The Body Keeps the Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M. D.

“Maier and Seligman had repeatedly administered painful electrical shocks to dogs who were trapped in locked cages. They called this condition, ‘inescapable shock.’”

“After administering several courses of electric shock, the researchers opened the doors of the cages and then shocked the dogs again. A group of control dogs who had never been shocked before immediately ran away, but the dogs who had earlier been subjected to inescapable shock made no attempt to flee, even when the door was wide open- they just lay there, whimpering and defecating. The mere opportunity to escape does not necessarily make traumatized animals, or people, take the road to freedom.

Like Maier and Seligman’s dogs, many traumatized people give up. Rather than risk experimenting with new options, they stay stuck in the fear they know.”

In other words, you allow the abuse because you think that there’s nothing you can do about it. Therefore, you give up and stop fighting.

Effects of Bullying On the Victim

In Conclusion:

This is why you must recognize the horrible effects of bullying when you feel them. Moreover, you should never to allow bullies and abusers to drive you to giving up.

In other words, never let these people brainwash you into believing that you’re helpless. Why? Because it will have devastating consequences for your entire life.

No matter how others treat you and how bad things get, you must hold on to your self-belief. And you must do it everything you have.

Also, you must hold on to hope and keep your eyes on your goals and dreams. Only then will you break the hold any bullies or abusers have on you.

You may not physically be able to escape the bullying and abuse. However, you still have control over your mind. You still have a say over what goes into your mind and what you choose to kick out of it.

Know that you have more power than you know. Use it! Realize that you’re worth it and you deserve to live in peace.

This post was all about the effects of bullying on the victim so that you can recognize the symptoms and call them by name if you have fallen victim.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Lack of Boundaries: 15 Signs You Need to Get Some

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Coercive Control: The Top 5 Signs and How to Escape It

5. The 4 Stages of Bullying

curiosity vs nosiness reddit

Curiosity vs Nosiness: 3 Must-Know Differences to Learn

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‘Want to know how to distinguish curiosity vs nosiness? Here are all the differences you need to know about.

curiosity vs nosiness

People often confuse curiosity for nosiness and vise versa. However, the two are very different.

In this post, you will learn all the differences of curiosity vs nosiness to enable you protect yourself from nosy people.

Once you learn these important life-secrets, you’ll better be able to avoid nosy people and bullies like the plague. Moreover, you’ll feel much freer to let your curiosity guide you to learning new things.

This post is all about curiosity vs nosiness to give you the knowledge to know the difference and to help you guard your own personal life against nosy people.

Curiosity vs nosiness

A fellow blogger and wonderful friend, Kym Gordon Moore, posted about the subject on her own blog. You can find her lovely and insightful post here.

So, what are the differences between the two?

1. Curiosity doesn’t violate anyone’s boundaries.

On the other hand, nosiness does.

In the words of Kym Gordon Moore, “Being nosy is prying into other people’s business, meddling, being intrusive, and snooping, oftentimes gossiping about what they find out,”
“…curiosity is more of a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and not about poking your nose in other people’s business for annoying reasons.”

Her statements were spot on, and I couldn’t agree more!

2. Curious people and those who are nosy do things differently.

In other words, a curious person doesn’t invade others’ privacy. A curious person is more interested in educational information. Therefore, they want to know more about how things work. They could care less about the personal lives of other people.

On the other hand, a nosy person will pry into your personal and private business. Moreover, they do it to get dirt on you to spread around.

A curious person will study educational materials. They won’t stick their nose into your business. However, a nosy person will snoop through your mail and your computer. If they can get access to all your social media passwords, don’t think they won’t do it.

Understand that bullies are such people. Why? Because they’re always and forever on the hunt for damaging information they can use against you.

3. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Nosiness is invasive. Curiosity isn’t.

Nosy people will ask you questions about your personal business. Nothing is off limits to them because they love to make your private business theirs.

Moreover, if you refuse to answer, these people will claim that you have something to hide.
However, understand that this is how your bullies trick you. They use that line to coerce you into giving up the details.

What’s even worse is that you may feel compelled to tell your business just to keep from looking as if you are hiding something. Therefore, you cave in and go against your better judgement.

Again, you only answer the bullies’ questions, just to prove that you don’t have anything to hide and consequently, get yourself into trouble.

So, if you ever find yourself in this predicament, know that your refusal to answer isn’t about having anything to hide. It’s about some things just not being anyone else’s business. Therefore, realize that you have just as much right to privacy as the next person.

Bullies will also accuse you of being nosy when you’re only trying to learn something new.

For example, this happened to me when I was a teenager. During History class, we were studying about World War II. I asked the teacher how it was that the German people fell for Hitler’s lies and all the news propaganda they were being fed.

For some reason, this angered many of my bullies, who were in class with me and they accused me of being nosy. Unfortunately, I fell for the lie and let it have a negative impact on my learning.

Therefore, it’s so important to learn the difference between curiosity and nosiness. Knowing this difference will make you able to counter bullies and busybodies with confidence.

Also, you’ll be able to confidently defend yourself any time some snake accuses you of being nosy when you’re only trying to become more educated on a certain topic.

4. Curiosity vs Nosiness:

They have two different meanings.

Curiosity is a desire to learn something new that enhances one’s intellect and broadens one’s education. It includes reading, researching, studying, observing, and listening for information that can make you more intelligent and help you grow.

Moreover, curiosity is non-invasive and non-intrusive. It does not seek to violate personal boundaries nor to cause harm.

Nosiness, on the other hand, is prying in other people’s personal business. It includes meddling, snooping, asking personal questions, and eavesdropping. Nosiness is invasive and intrusive. It seeks to violate another’s personal boundaries and to cause harm to them.

Therefore, learn these differences by heart and you will be better able to counter bullies in any of the above-mentioned scenarios.

5. Curiosity seeks to help. Nosiness seeks to harm.

You may have a nosy classmate who’s never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life. Maybe you deal with the workplace gossip who never shuts up and always seems to know your business before you do. You might even have a spying neighbor across the street who forever peers through her window to see who’s coming and going at your house.

Whatever the scenario, these kinds of people can be a real hemorrhoid if you’re the type who only wants to be left alone and live in peace.

However, here’s the silver lining to having nosy neighbors. If you have a burglar breaking into your house, the nosy neighbor will be the first to see it and call the cops. Therefore, in those cases, thank God for nosy neighbors because they do serve a great purpose!

However most nosy people have no inhibitions when it comes to prying. They’ll ask you how much you get paid at your job. They also try to find out the cost of your rent or mortgage? And when they do, it’ll likely shock the daylights out of you.

However, you don’t have to answer these types of questions. You can politely tell them that they’re was getting too personal. Or, you can say that you don’t share such private information with anyone, not even your family members.

And when you do, they won’t like it. However, that shouldn’t concern you. You have a right to maintain your privacy.

Curiosity vs Nosiness:

Why do bullies pry into your private business?

These types of people have a lot of nerve. The questions they ask will make you cringe! They often leave you scratching your head because you just can’t believe anyone would be so brazen.

However, there’s a reason why bullies ask you these types of questions. They do it strictly for power.

In other words, their gossip, butting-in, and having a constant nose stuck in your life is a form of attempted control. Bullies will often ask you these kinds of questions to embarrass or humiliate you.

Therefore, anybody who openly asks you such questions has no respect for you and you should deal with them accordingly. Also, because they can’t seem to control their own lives, they wish to control yours. And they do it for nothing more than to cause an annoyance or embarrassment.

People who are nosy will watch you closely and eavesdrop on your conversations. They always have an ear cocked. Around them, the walls have ears.

On the other hand, those who are curious will read a lot, they’re study, and they’ll ask questions that do not violate anyone’s privacy.

How should you respond to nosy people who ask questions they shouldn’t ask?

 First off, don’t let it upset you if a bully or anyone else has the audacity to ask you anything about your private business. Instead, just  laugh and make fun of them. And while you’re laughing and making fun of them, enjoy it!

Understand that bullies have more nerve than a bad tooth. Therefore, expect them to pry into your business. Moreover, expect them to openly ask you personal, even embarrassing questions.

You might as well prepare for it now because people like these are everywhere!
Nosiness tends to be generational and run in families.

Many nosy folks were raise by parents who were the same way. Some even had mothers and grandmothers who would tell them to watch others and report back to them.

Therefore, blow them off and wave them away like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your face.

Don’t get angry with them. Just shake your head and pity them. Because it’s these types who really need to get a life and often don’t have one. Or, if you’re a smart-ass like I am, take the opportunity to have a little fun with the person. Just catch it, throw it back at them and shame them with it.

And why not? They asked for it.

On the other hand, you should admire someone who’s curious. Why? Because they don’t intrude. They only have a desire to learn and grow.

This post was all about curiosity vs nosiness so that you’ll be able to tell the difference between the two and use the information to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

2. Confidence vs Arrogance

3. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

4. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

bullied for being autistic reddit

Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

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‘Want to know why people with ASD are bullied for being autistic? Here are all the answers you need to know, especially if you’re on the spectrum or have a loved one who is.

bullied for being autistic

Sadly, those on the Autism Spectrum suffer THE highest rates of bullying. What most people with someone with ASD in the family don’t understand is why their loved one gets bullied so much and so often.

In this post, you will learn the exact reasons people target those on the spectrum for bullying, persecution, and oppression so that you can easily and confidently call it out when you see it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to stand up for your loved one and call out any bully who dares to exploit them in any way.

This post is all about people who are bullied for being autistic. Moreover, it’s about the reasons bullies love to target those on the spectrum and how you can call this insidious and cowardly form of bullying.

Bullied for Being Autistic

Sadly, most people with autism are doomed to a life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they often live a lifetime of loneliness and isolation. Here’s why bullies love to target the autism community.

1. Those on the Autism spectrum aren’t able to read social cues.

This makes them easy targets for predators, particularly, bullies and abusers. When a person isn’t able to read social cues, it’s as if they’re walking blind.

Therefore, the victim may not know when they’re in danger. In other words, they may not be able to tell or to sense when someone is evil and means to hurt them.

This is because the victim on the Autism spectrum isn’t able to read facial expressions and body language. And when you aren’t able to read non-verbal communication, bullies can easily pick up on it.

As a result, bullies will take full advantage. For example, many people on the spectrum are lonely and long to make friends. In fact, they are desperate to have friends.

Bullies pick up on this desperation. Therefore, they will often pretend to be friends with the victim with autism. Moreover, while these bullies put on this fake act to trick the AS person into trusting them, they only mock and ridicule them in front of other people.

They do this to make a fool out of the person and humiliate them.

After this happens enough times, the person with ASD will isolate themselves. Why? Because they’ll grow afraid of relationships and friendships, thinking that other people just aren’t safe.

People who pretend to be friends with you to get close enough to hurt you can shatter your faith and trust in humanity. Therefore, you isolate yourself. You may even resign yourself to a life of isolation.

Therefore, we must teach those on the spectrum to read nonverbal communication, listen to their intuitions, and recognize evil people when they meet them. Again, these skills can be taught!

Let’s teach those with Autism Spectrum Disorder these skills!

This happens in the workplace too.

Adults with Autism often suffer social exclusion and are ostracized by their coworkers. Also, supervisors and managers may exploit them.

Again, being on the autism spectrum dooms many people to a sad and lonely life of bullying, abuse, and exploitation. As a result, they don’t really live, they only exist.

2. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often Have Difficulty Asserting themselves properly.

In other words, when bullies provoke them,  one of two things usually happen. They either don’t stand up to them at all or they fly into a rage.

Not standing up for yourself can give others the impression that you’re a doormat. Moreover, people see that there are no consequences for their bullying behavior. Therefore, they think it’s okay.

On the other hand, flying into a rage can make the person with autism seem mentally unstable or dangerous. Therefore, this is another reason they’re more susceptible to bullying and abuse.

3. Those on the spectrum are known for having meltdowns.

Bullies may witness them having meltdowns and think it’s funny. As a result, bullies begin to see the victim with autism as a source of free entertainment.

Therefore, they may deliberately try to provoke the victim with autism and get them to react so that they can get their jollies.

Here’s another thing bullies may do. They  may also use the meltdown against their autistic victim. For instance, they may use it as confirmation of mental instability.

Moreover, bullies may also use the meltdown to make it look like the person with ASD started the altercation and make themselves look like the innocent victims.

And lastly, bullies will use the meltdowns as a distraction from their own bad behavior.

In other words, if the other person’s behavior is worse and over the top, then, who are you likely to look at? The bullies’ behavior or that of the person who’s flipping out because the bullies provoked them?

Sadly, people use those with autism as the perfect cover for their own abuse and bad behavior. I’ll do another post on this later.

4. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People on the spectrum often have poor eye-hand coordination.

In other words, those with autism often struggle with clumsiness. This is because they have poor depth perception and judgement of distance. Also, they usually have poor balance.

Therefore, bullies see them as easy targets for physical bullying. Add that to the meltdowns and rages those with autism are known to have and others only think that the bullies are the innocent victims when, in fact, the opposite is true!

This is what makes them easy targets for physical bullying.

5. Those with Autism often have trouble making eye contact.

Anytime someone has difficulty making eye contact, bullies automatically see this as a sign of intimidation and low self-esteem. Therefore, this is a hallmark of an easy target.

Poor eye contact signals fear and bullies thrive on their victims’ fear. Always remember that!

6. Most People with Autism are in the special Education Class at school.

Kids in sped classes get bullied terribly because most others presume them to be “ret4rded.” Those with autism are no exception.

Therefore, other students see anyone who is in the sped classes to be of lower social status. And bullies will bully them because of it.

7. Bullied for Being Autistic:

People with Autism are Different.

The dark side to human nature dictates that anyone who is different should be excluded from the social group. We know that they should be included and that we should accept those who are different.

However, bullies don’t think like we do and sadly, the majority of bystanders don’t either. People tend to gravitate toward and take care of those who are most like them. Therefore, it’s sad to say that those on the autism spectrum may never fit in with the neurotypical majority.

This alone makes them prime targets for bullying. Therefore, we need to be proactive in protecting them from bullies.

In conclusion:

Sadly, those in the autism community are the most vulnerable and least valued in most schools, companies, organizations, and communities. It’s a grim reality that we all need to be aware of.

Furthermore, they are, for the most part, defenseless. The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of society and even members of authority do not see people with autism as human beings.

Should it be any wonder bullies prey the most on sped students, those with autism, and anyone who is disabled? It’s because bullies are great big cowards. All too often, those with autism are unwilling or unable to defend themselves effectively.

Because students with autism are usually low on social intelligence, bullies can exploit them at will.

Bullied for Being Autistic:

Even teachers aren’t above bullying students on the spectrum.

I’ve witnessed, firsthand, a group of cliquey teachers laughing at and mocking sped students. And these people were supposed to be adults!

These cruel educators would look down their noses at these kids and openly ridicule them!Moreover, I also heard the mean-spirited comments.

The teachers remarked about how these kids would never find a job nor contribute anything to society. They also concluded that they would only be a drain on the taxpayers’ money once they got out of school.

I have to tell you. Just listening to those remarks made me sick to my stomach! How I wish I’d had the guts to stand up for those students when it happened!

However, I was only seventeen and a student myself at the time. I knew to keep my mouth shut because these bullies were teachers.

Every school and workplace has those types of teachers and managerial staff. Moreover, they are usually the ones who mistreat lunch ladies and janitors as well. It’s a crying shame!

This is why we need upstanders who aren’t afraid to stand up for these people. However, sadly, upstanders are only few and far between.

Therefore, we also must teach these victims how to stand up for themselves.

This post was all about those who are bullied for being autistic and why bullies do it so that we can call these bullies out when we see it happen.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

3. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

4. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

5. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

how to deal with friendship betrayal reddit

How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal: 6 Tips You Should Know

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‘Want to know how to deal with friendship betrayal? Here are several ways to do so that you need to know about.

how to deal with friendship betrayal

Victims of bullying are most susceptible to betrayal by those who masquerade as friends. Why? Because they’re vulnerable.  Moreover, this vulnerability comes from the intense longing for friendship.

Predators know this. Therefore, many victims of bullying end up attracting abusers and users who only exploit vulnerability for their own ends.

In this post, you will learn how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can confidently cut ties and come away from it with your dignity intact.

Once you learn all about these life-lessons, you will be able to better protect your dignity and self-esteem from being ravaged by predators, bullies, and fake friends.

This post is all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can love yourself enough to walk away from friendships that hurt and raise your self-esteem.

How to Deal with FRIENDSHIP Betrayal

At different times in our lives, we’ve all experienced friend betrayal. Someone we thought was a friend did the unthinkable.

It’s bad enough to get played by an enemy. However, it’s something you expect from a foe.

It hurts much worse when you’re screwed over by a friend because you trusted this person. You may have even loved them. Again, you expect things like this from an enemy, but never a friend.

Therefore, when an enemy strikes against us, it’s much easier to deal with. However, when it’s someone we trusted and thought highly of, the pain is much worse. In fact, it can be devastating.

Once someone you trusted has betrayed you, it can be hard to trust anyone else who comes into our lives. And this goes for even those who may be sincere. When we meet new people thereafter, we proceed with caution and regard others with suspicion. This isn’t good either.

Why? Because, when we allow a past betrayal to cause us not to trust, we only push away those who may be sincere. We, in a sense, give the creep who betrayed us power over our future relationships.

In fact, you believe that anyone who smiles at you has an ulterior motive. Therefore, you keep them at arm’s length. You allow the fear of being hurt cause you to push others away. As a result, your relationships suffer.

Here are healthier ways to deal with friend betrayal.

1. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Never Give The Person Who Betrayed You Power over your Future Relationships

There’s no getting around it. Life is full of risks.  In fact, everything we do comes with risk, whether it’s going for a walk or driving to the supermarket.

However, you wouldn’t stop driving because of the chance of having an automobile accident. And you wouldn’t stop going for a walk because of the chance of getting mugged.

So, why would you refuse to meet and make friends because of the chance of them betraying you? Again, life’s full of risks and you can’t allow fear to stop you from living. You must live life and you must live it to the fullest!

Therefore, continue to meet new people and make new friends. Never allow the creep who betrayed you to have power over your future relationships. In other words, don’t let betrayal cause you to distrust humanity and shut new people out! That’s a recipe for misery!

New people will come into your life and you must give them a chance. Don’t make them pay a debt they don’t owe.

2. When a friend betrays you, look at it as a revelation.

If they blow that chance, it’s on them. Moreover, they only reveal their true colors.

However, continue to give new people a chance. Continue to take the risks.

The point is this. Anytime a so-called friend betrays you, they show you who they are. Therefore, the best you can do is to drop the person and move on to someone who’s deserving of your time. Understand that your time and your company are valuable.

Moreover, you shouldn’t waste it with some chump who doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. So, ditch and switch, baby!

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

IT Isn’t the Bullies Who hurt you the most, it’s those you thought were your friends.

Again, bullies are people you expect to do bad things to you. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions comes as no surprise.

What hurts more than anything is the betrayal– when those you think are friends so quickly believe the lies and rumors your bullies spread. And they seem to do it without question.

The pain of it is akin to being kicked in the stomach. Moreover, your so-called friends never have your back. Some may even the power to stop the bullying and protect you.

But, for some reason, they refused and only threw you under the bus.

What it’s like to have true friends

Friends are the people who believe the best of you. They have your back any time someone attacks you. Moreover, they’ll speak on your behalf when another person badmouths you behind your back but in front of them.

Even better, they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

However, many victims of bullying have friends who don’t really accept them. They only tolerate them. Therefore, instead of sticking up for them, they’ll go along with the bullies. They’ll believe the lies about you, without bothering to ask you first!

Get away from these people. Fast! Because they’ll only sell you out!

How to Deal with Friendship betrayal:

Would you rather be harmed by a bully or someone you think is a friend?

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with. Why? Because, from a bully, you expect nothing more.

However, it’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think highly of. When everyone bullies you, you’ll often keep fake friends around because you think they’re the only options you have. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Because bullies have turned everyone against you and made it difficult for you to make friends, you may feel that you can’t afford to be selective. That you must settle for the friends you have, even if they treat you like you’re last choice.

I say this from experience. The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small.

I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers. We haven’t had enough life-experiences yet.

3. Be concerned with quality of friends, not quantity.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends. However, they don’t realize that real friends are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

Why? Because they’ll have your back. They’re the people who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions.

4. How to deal with friendship Betrayal:

When you meet new people, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Wonder if you’re going to like them.

When you meet a new person for the first time, don’t wonder whether they’ll like you. Start wondering whether you are going to like them. This is how you place value on yourself.

Begin choosing who you let in and who you give the boot. If a friend betrays you somehow, stop having anything to do with them. Then keep it moving.

Betrayal in any form is a deal-breaker and you must handle it by telling the traitor to hit the road.

5. Know what you want in a friend and don’t settle for anything less.

Anything less than what you want is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue you should look for. If the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy of your time!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who believe falsehoods about you, then get angry and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were!

Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

You may ask, “Well, if they never were my friends, why did they stick around?”

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And if that’s the case, why would you settle for someone’s pity?

Here’s another possibility. Maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves.  You were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

Therefore, if you have friends who don’t stand with you. In other words, if they fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life.

How to deal with Friendship Betrayal:

6. Be willing to be alone until better friends find you.

You’re better off without them. You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while.

Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be overly suspicious, only nonchalant.

Why? Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you. They’ll try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

Moreover, they will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things. Also, they’ll find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? To report back to your bullies with.

Here are ways that you can pick up on peoples’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you.

 Just do it without looking like you’re watching. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment. This is how you’ll read the room. Moreover, you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room, if there is one.

2. How to deal with friendship betrayal:

Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context.

Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with their words, background, or the situation, ditch these losers! If they show even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes.

There are always those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. If they do realize it, they’ll give those when they think you aren’t aware of it. You can’t afford to miss these giveaways!

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong. However, there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. Even the best fakers have no control over these little tells. So, if you look for them, you’ll see them.

For example, when you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you’re not imagining things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet.

You can tell a lot by the feet! The person might be talking to you and facing you. However, if their feet are pointing away from you, they aren’t the friend you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person.

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the meeting and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking

if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt. Also, they may be trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for

Things you should look for also include, a furrowed brow, one corner of the upper lip slightly raised or an icy, piercing stare. Also notice if the person is smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes).

If you see any of these signs,  you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away

Also a sign of contempt. Therefore, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly. Don’t reveal information that’s better off private.

Also, don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. How to Deal with Friendship Betrayal:

Watch for eavesdroppers

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Also, don’t talk near corners or open doors.

Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Therefore, be alert when people walk by.

If you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and they aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

In Conclusion:

How you handle friendship betrayal is to get rid of the so-called friend who betrayed you. And do it without explanation.

Now, many fake friends will notice when you stop associating with them. Moreover, they’ll come ask you why you won’t talk to them. Then you can tell them why. But tell them in as few words as possible.

 However, expect the person to gaslight you. Why? Because it’s what most fakes do once you get wise to their BS.

But don’t fall for it. Stuck to your guns and have no more to do with them. Then be willing to be alone for a while until you meet and befriend better people. Have faith. Better friends will come along. I promise!

This post was all about how to deal with friendship betrayal so that you can move on with dignity and self-respect.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

2. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims must Beware Fake Friends

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

target vs victim bullying

Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

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‘Want to know the difference between target vs victim of bullying? Here’s why the words you choose have the power to determine what you are.

target vs victim

Are  you a target or victim? If people have made you an object for bullying, could it be that you’re not a victim but a target? Also, could it be that you’re a target not because you’re weak or inferior, but because you’re a threat?

You may not know it. But, maybe, your voice and your very being are powerful?  So powerful, it scares them to death?

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference of a target vs victim so that you can know which category you fall into and how to empower yourself.

Once you learn this important information, you will be prompted to make a few mental changes and feel more powerful.

This post is all about how to distinguish between target vs victim of bullying so that you can decide which one you’d like to be.

Target vs Victim

Which one are you?

Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset and words have enormous power. In other words, if you’re a victim, you’re right, but if you’re not, you’re also right. A victim mentality can only bring about more abusers, more abuse, and therefore, more victimhood.

Victim mentality only hurts you. It is the downfall of many survivors of bullying. It keeps you defeated and oppressed. Therefore, it keeps you a “victim.”

1. The term “Victim” Breeds Laziness.

Why? Because it keeps you in the mindset that you are powerless to do anything about your situation. Therefore, if you feel powerless, you’re least likely to try.

Powerless means that, no matter how hard you try, your situation will remain the same. So, you’ll see no point in putting in the effort to bring about change. And you’ll become to lazy to even try.

Therefore, you’ll only resign yourself out of hopelessness and learned helplessness. Resignation can only bring laziness.

Why? Because, when you have the victim mentality, you’re afraid of taking back your power because to do so requires personal responsibility.

Taking back your power means that you make your own reality. And you do so by making your own decisions, your own path, and your own successes.

All this requires that you take risks and face the possibility of failure.  And yes! It’s scary!

However, you must create your own happiness and your own power. Whether you know how to do that, the responsibility is still there and always will be.

2. Target vs Victim:

The word “Victim” keeps you dependent.

In other words, when you’re a victim, you’re at the mercy of someone else. Moreover, it means that another person has to come rescue you. Here’s where dependency comes in.

Therefore, you must be your own hero. When you’re bullied, the only person you can depend on is you! Each of us has a responsibility to ourselves to ensure our own safety, happiness, and successes.

3. The term “victim” reeks of inferiority.

When you view yourself as a victim, subconsciously, you feel inferior. It dictates that you think that you’re nothing without the consent of another person and that’s wrong!

Therefore, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that, you’re inferior to no one! You have more power than you know. Therefore, you can change your situation.

Who is anyone to decide who you are or what you can do?

You’re not a victim. Yes, you may feel like a victim. But are you really?

This comes from personal experience.

The memoir about the bullying I endured is entitled, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying). However, was I really a victim? I’ve come to realize that I was a target. However, I was never a victim!

I say this because I had the victim mentality when I was young, and it almost ruined my life. Please don’t let it ruin yours.

Being a target of bullying is one of the hardest things a person can endure. But, one thing your bullies can’t take is your mind unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to turn you against yourself.

Why? Because that’s what they want and you deserve better. Much better!

Therefore, know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always hope.

Target vs Victim:

Which would you rather be?

Many people are under the assumption that being a target and being a victim are one and the same. However, they’re quite different and have different meanings.

Notice the difference in the actual meanings between the terms, “target” and “victim.”

A target is a mark you aim at- as in a shooter aiming his gun at targets at a gun shooting range for practice.

A victim is a person or animal who others kill and sacrifice. When someone is sacrificed, they assume the blame and punishment for the sins and shortcomings of others.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Words have enormous power- more so than most realize. Therefore, stop using the word “victim” to describe yourself. Use the word “target” instead.

Being a target is much more empowering than being a victim.

4. There’s no power in being a victim.

A target can defend themselves, whereas, a victim cannot. A victim is powerless to do anything about their situation. There’s no power nor dignity in being a victim.

However, when a person is a target, they maintain some power and dignity. In that, they lessen the impact of the bullying on their mental health.

Therefore, if you can change the way you view yourself and see your bullies exactly for who and what they are, they will have little control over you. Moreover, you’re less likely to allow their words and behavior to get into your head.

Target vs victim:

A target is a mark. a victim is prey.

In other words, a target is a person chosen by bullies as a perceived enemy to attack. On the other hand, a victim is a person bullies harm, oppress, and destroy.

The word victim says that you don’t stand up for yourself. You only capitulate. But the word target says that, although people attack you on a regular basis, you don’t give into fear. Moreover, you stand up for yourself no matter what it may cost you.

Your Choice of Words Can Have Consequences You Don’t Realize

When you view yourself as a victim, you give your bullies exactly what they want. You hand them power over your life.

You, in a sense, surrender yourself. Consequently, you will most likely to suffer physical and/or psychological damage.

On the other hand, when you see yourself as a target, you won’t acquiesce. You’re least likely to take the bully’s behavior personally. Moreover, when you have a target mentality instead of a victim mentality, you buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

Therefore, you salvage your overall mental health. You maintain your personal power. And ultimately, you take control of your life and refuse to allow anyone to make you, their victim.

For example, I’ve witnessed both in movies and in real life, incidences of bullying where the bully would tell the target, “I’m going to make you, my bitch!” In other words, his victim.

This should give you a better understanding of why you should see yourself as a target rather than a victim. Because you are nobody’s bitch! Nope! You’re no bitch at all! You are a fighter, a warrior, a lion!

5. Target vs victim:

Victims surrender. Targets keep fighting!

Realize that your bullies’ goal is to control you. And if you see yourself as a victim, you weaken yourself. Thus, you play right into your bullies’ hands. But when you see yourself as a target and refuse to become a victim, you refuse to allow them to take control over your life.

Therefore, you keep fighting. You stand up for yourself. You may get knocked down, but you don’t stay down. Therefore, you always get back up again.

You’re a Target, Not a Victim!

It’s not my intention to minimize any suffering you’ve endured at the hands of your bullies. Bullying hurts, no doubt about it! And I feel your pain.

So, know that everything you’ve gone through is real. Your story is valid and worthy to be told and heard.

However, I want you to understand this. If you’re the object of bullying, you are a target, yes. However, you don’t have to be a victim.

Victims are scapegoats and sacrificial lambs. Targets refuse to be.

Think about it, victims accept responsibility for things they have no control over. They take blame for evils they never committed nor took part in. And when they carry these burdens that aren’t theirs to carry, they end up paying debts they don’t owe.

Here’s an example. A bully blames his target for his own anger, insecurity, jealousy, and incompetence. And it comes out in the bully’s behavior when he bullies that person. Then later the bully and others may gaslight the target when he speaks out.

Another example would be that a rapist wants to make their rape target responsible for their own sexual frustration. Then, later, the target is presumed to be at fault for the rapist’s behavior by the defense attorneys in court.

However, instead of accepting the blame, both of these people continue to stand up for themselves. This is target behavior.

Victim behavior would be if they surrendered and accepted blame for their tormentors’ behavior.

target vs victim:

A Target Endures Bullying but Refuses to Become a Victim

Sure, people hurl blame at targets just as they do at victims. However, the difference between a victim and a target is that the victim accepts the blame.

Moreover, he blames himself for what happened to him then spirals downhill into depression, regret, and self-hatred. On the other hand, a target refuses to accept the blame because he knows with every fiber of his being that his attackers are the ones in the wrong.

He sees his attackers for the cowards they are. Therefore, he sees the incessant gaslighting as proof that they’re full of shit. Moreover, he understands that they’re only trying to cover their butts to keep from being exposed.

A target won’t allow his attackers to make them a victim!

‘You see? It’s all in how you see yourself. And how you see yourself is determined by the inner dialogue you have. In other words, the words you use have ways of shaping the way you think.

Moreover, the words you speak to yourself are the difference between living in heaven or hell. In other words, they determine whether you have self-love and acceptance or depression and self-loathing.

Words also decide whether you continue to stand strong despite the attacks and pain bullies inflict, or whether you succumb to them.

Therefore, you must see yourself as a target but never a victim!

This post is all about the difference of target vs victim so that you can distinguish between them and chose to empower yourself no matter how difficult bullies make things for you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

3. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

empowerment definition

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

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‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode.  Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

 Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

  • Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
  • Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
  • Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

  • When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
  • If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
  • If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

benefits of self-respect in relationships

Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

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‘Want to know all the benefits of self-respect? Here are eighteen life-changing things that happen when you begin treating yourself well.

benefits of self-respect

Having self-respect can gain you so many advantages in life. It allows you to create the life you want because you know you deserve it. Moreover, others can sense when you have respect for yourself. Therefore, they’re more likely to treat you better.

In this post, you will learn all about the benefits of self-respect and how it can change your life for the better.

Once you learn all these amazing advantages, it will prompt you to treat yourself better and be more choosy of the people you let in your life.

This post is all about the benefits of self-respect and what you must do to treat yourself better.

So, what are the benefits of self-respect?

Self-respect or self-worth is acknowledgement of your own value. In other words, you know your worth and the good you bring to this world and to the people around you.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to assert your value, your interests, and your right to exist. This means that you also stand up for your right not to be harmed. You know with every fiber of your being that you have dignity and are just as good as the next person.

We show that we have self-respect by what we put up with from others. Therefore, if you put up with shabby treatment from others, you have less or no self-respect. Other people will notice and they’ll begin walking all over you.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to stand up to those who try to mistreat you and set boundaries, than you have lots of it and others will also take notice and they’re likely to treat you well.

You understand that you teach others how to treat you. Therefore, you don’t take any crap from anyone because you believe you deserve better.

And, it is because of this belief that you won’t accept bad treatment from anyone and aren’t afraid to cut a few people out of your life if they keep it up.

This means you have self-respect. Therefore, when you have it, you reap the following benefits.

1. You Have Confidence.

You’re not afraid to live life on your terms and you don’t settle for less than what you want. You have confidence in yourself and in your abilities.

Moreover, you have confidence in God and know that he put you here for a great purpose!

2. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You have Independence.

You do your own thing and aren’t the least bit concerned with how people think about it. Also, you make your own choices and trust those decisions!

You live your life fearlessly and on your own terms! Now that’s what you call freedom!

3. You have Healthy Self-esteem.

You know you’re not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Therefore, you’re completely okay with all your flaws, shortcomings and imperfections.

Moreover, you hold yourself in high regard and refuse to let anyone chip away at your self-esteem. You love yourself. Therefore, you know who you are and what you deserve.

4. You enjoy Better Relationships.

Because you respect yourself, others also respect you. Because you have boundaries, others are least likely to cross them. Therefore, you have better relationships with others.

5. You’re Not afraid to set Goals.

You set goals because you believe in yourself and know that you can accomplish them. Moreover, you realize that the going may get tough and you may have to trudge through a few valleys.

However, you know your own strength. You’re tenacious. In other words, no matter how rough things get, you’ll refuse to give up and that you’ll reach those goals eventually.

6. You set boundaries without fear or guilt.

When some bully tries to cross a boundary, you’re real quick to tell them to back up. You refuse to accept vile treatment from others.

Gaslighting and manipulation will not work on you because you see them as they happen. Therefore, you’re able to shut them down before they have any effect on you.

As a result, bad people will think twice before crossing you and they’ll go find another victim. Even better, others will take notice of it and they won’t try any funny business either.

7. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You live a Healthier Lifestyle.

When you have self-respect, you also have respect for your body. Therefore, you feed it healthy foods rather than junk that will only make you sick and shorten your life.

Moreover, you exercise regularly and keep in shape.

8. You aren’t afraid to take risks.

When you want something, you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone to get it. In other words, you’re willing to face rejection in sales. However, that won’t stop  you.

You’ll only move onto the next potential buyer until you make the sale.

9. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re more likely to have success at work.

Because you respect yourself, your bosses and coworkers are also more likely to respect you. Also, they’ll more likely give you opportunities for promotion and bonuses.

10. You don’t settle for less than what you want.

You know what you want and what you deserve. Therefore, you won’t take anything less.

It may take a while, but you will eventually get the thing you want because you won’t give up on it. You believe you can get it. Therefore, you go for the prize!

11. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You don’t allow Yourself to get sucked into drama.

Respecting yourself means protecting your peace from those who wish to disrupt it. So, when some troublemaker starts any drama with you, you won’t have time for it.

Therefore, you’ll only either quietly dismiss them or you’ll tell them to F all the way off and keep it moving.

12. You’re selective of the people in your life.

You only want positive people in your life. In other words, you only want to be around those who lift you up and bring positive vibes.

Moreover, you aren’t afraid to kick out the Negative Nancys and Debbie Downers who only drag you down.

You understand that life’s too short to deal with drama. Therefore, you aren’t afraid to eradicate it from your life.

13. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You say no without apology.

You have boundaries and you know that saying no is how you maintain those boundaries. Therefore, you say it without guilt or apology. Why?

Because you understand that no is the most powerful word in the English language. It’s how you live your life on your terms.

Moreover, you understand that holding your boundaries is an ongoing and never-ending thing.

14. You know who you are and you’re okay with it.

In other words, you allow yourself to make mistakes and you don’t toil over them. You view mistakes as the best teachers and understand that they’re how you learn powerful lessons.

Moreover, you don’t allow anyone else to define you. In other words, if bullies and abusers try to convince you that you’re a nobody, you understand that they can’t possibly know you better than you do.

Therefore, you dismiss their drivel and keep feeling good about yourself.

15. You believe in yourself.

You know in your heart that you have the ability to make shit happen. Therefore, you work hard to achieve your goals and dreams without letting any roadblock or setback stop you.

And you don’t stop until you attain those goals and dreams.

16. Benefits of Self-Respect:

You’re happy and at peace.

Best of all, you’re happy and at peace with yourself. Though you may have some days when you may feel a little down, in general, you’re a happy person. Why?

Because you know that although things may look bleak today, things will be much better tomorrow. Therefore, you have hope for better things to come. And you strongly believe that life will work itself out.

17. You don’t need anyone’s approval.

You’re perfectly fine with the person you are and don’t need validation from anyone else. You know that your own approval is all you need besides that of those who love you.

Moreover, you understand that not everyone will like you and you’re okay with it because there are people that you can’t necessarily care for either.

In other words, you know that life doesn’t depend on who does or does not like you. You have enemies as everyone does and you’re okay with it. Why?

Because you understand that enemies can be a reflection of your virtues and not your shortcomings.

18. You have the ability to cope.

You realize that things go wrong and that it’s all a part of life. Therefore, you have the ability to cope with it and even accept it when adverse things happen. You respect yourself enough to keep in mind that things do eventually get better.

This post was all about the benefits of self-respect and what you can do to treat yourself well and grab some of those advantages.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

5. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

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‘Want to know all about standing up to bullies and what happens when you do? Here’s how bullies react when you stand up to them and why you should feel good about it.

standing up to bullies

In movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

However, you should feel good about it because, when they act out, your bullies are only revealing themselves.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about standing up to bullies and how they react when you finally do. Moreover, you will learn why you should welcome their reactions and how those reactions expose bullies for who they are.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be able to speak out confidently and handle it properly when your bullies react.

This post is all about standing up to bullies and everything that comes with it.

Standing up to Bullies

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and I understand completely. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk. However, it’s often worth the risk and you end up thanking yourself later.

Just the same, you need to know what to expect once you’ve had enough and decide to take a stand.

If people bully you left and right, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. In other words, they will not be good sports and hand your human rights back to you.

Neither will they bow out of your life gracefully. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over you. Why? Because, without that power, they feel lost.

Realize that bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. And since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way left to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

Here are the tactics bullies use when you stand up for yourself:

Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will do the following:

1. They will gaslight you

Bullies will add their spin to it. In other words, bullies will try to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

They might accuse you of being too sensitive. Moreover, bullies may tell you, “I didn’t say it,” or “I didn’t do that.”

Understand that all this is designed to make you question yourself and feel like the villain. Therefore, learn how to recognize gaslighting when you hear it and protect your mind.

2. Standing up to Bullies:

They will lay guilt trips

In other words, your bullies might bring up a past favor they did for you. They may say, “after all I’ve done for you, this is how you thank me?”

Your bullies may not have done anything for you. Moreover, if they did, they only did it for obligation points they can use later.

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign

Bullies are experts at this. By recruiting followers to spread rumors and lies, your bullies use numbers to discredit you. Why? Because the more people they get to say bad things about you, the more likely stranger are to believe them.

They will also try to turn your friends against you. I say this from first-hand experience. Bullies did the same to me many times.

Moreover, it always came as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my rights to defend myself.

Therefore, expect your bullies to malign you to others. And know that they’re only retaliating by trying to destroy your good name and credibility.

4. They will turn your friends against you

Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering. In other words, they attack your relationships. And they do this to isolate you by turning everyone against you.

There’s another objective to this as well. Once bullies turn all your friends against you, then, they can gather intimidate details about your life and weaponize them.

Think about it. Your friends likely know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would be the ones to know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to bullies.

5. Standing Up to Bullies:

They will project their shortcomings onto you

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

In other words, your bullies accuse you of the same rotten things they themselves are doing.

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours

What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

“Don’t look over here. Look over there!” or “Don’t look at me. Look at them!”

7. They will use Physical Violence.

If none of the previous six tactics work. They will use physical violence. However, they only use this as a last resort because bodily harm is the most detectable form of bullying.

Let’s break it down some more here.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

In other words, if your bullies can no longer have power over you, they will start smear campaigns and try to turn others against you. Understand that they do this to isolate you from everyone.

Bullies use these strategies to cover their backsides. Moreover, they do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself. And thirdly, they do it to close you off from any possible help or protection.

Once the bullies isolate you, they then move in for the kill. Now, they can do whatever they want to you. Moreover, they can do it freely and with impunity.

Why? Because if everyone is against you, the least likely they are to report the bullies or stop them from abusing you.

Remember, your bullies have succeeded in turning people against you. Now, no one can stand you. Therefore, in the minds of others, you deserve the abuse. You’ve got it coming and you’ve had it coming!

Therefore, hell will freeze over before anyone lifts a finger to help you. And this is exactly the outcome your bullies have been counting on.

Figuratively, Your bullies want to hold you hostage.

And they will resort to any means necessary to keep you on emotional lock down. This is how they keep you in your place.

Standing Up to Bullies:

Physical violence is usually a last ditch effort at power and control.

Sometimes, exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting and smear campaigns fail to do the job. Or, they may lose their effectiveness and no longer have the impact your bullies intended for them to have.

Therefore, your bullies will then resort to physical violence. The physical violence will go one of two ways:

  • Bullies will commit the bodily harm themselves.
  • They will send someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better.

So, be strong. Be brave and know that none of it is your fault.

The Power Dynamic Shifts In Your Favor the Moment You Stand Up to Your Bullies

Anytime you stand up to a bully, you instantly change the power dynamic. In other words, you immediately take your personal power back. At the same time, you automatically put the bully in a position of weakness and inferiority.

In simplest terms, you flip the script and take the position of power over the bully. This is why bullies cannot handle it when you stand up to them. Because they feel that they must always be in the position of power.

Standing up to Bullies:

Bullies can’t handle being stood up to by those they deem beneath them.

Bullies get angry enough when anyone stands up to them. However, if that person happens to be someone they deem inferior and who they’ve grown accustomed to abusing, this is when they really lose their marbles!

This is because you’re most likely on the bottom of the pecking order. And when you finally buck up and grow a backbone, you figuratively trade places with the bullies.

Therefore, you automatically put them on the bottom of the pecking order, if only for that moment. This is what the bullies can’t handle and it’s why they explode with rage.

Their unspoken message is:

  • “How dare you!”
  • “Who are you to stand up to me!”
  • “You’re supposed to be under me and here you are talking and acting like you’re OVER me!”
  • “The nerve!”
  • Who do you think you are!”

Bullies rely on force to get what they want from you.

In other words, they depend on fear, overwhelming strength, and coercion. Bullies have been steamrolling people and getting what they want from them for a long time. In fact, they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve become arrogant and self-satisfied.

Therefore, when you’ve finally had enough of their gas and put your foot down, you can bet that it’s going to throw them off. And do you know what else it’s going to do?

It’s going to blast a huge hole in their ego. Moreover, it’ll shock the bejeebers out of them. Then the bullies will become highly PO’ed. In fact, they’ll become so angry that they’ll more than likely go from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds.

If the bully is a person with narcissism (and most bullies are), they will go into narc*ssistic rage. And trust me, you don’t want to be anywhere around when this happens.

Standing up to Bullies:

Stand your ground but be prepared for anything.

It’s best to be prepared. Expect the unexpected.

When you finally grow a spine, expect your bullies to do anything to break it. Therefore, they escalate the bullying when you stop taking their crap.

Bullies have very delicate egos. Moreover, bullying always involves ego. So, any time you tell them to go kick rocks, you undermine their perceived superiority. Even worse, you put them into an inferior position and they know it.

In other words, bullies are very prideful and their pride takes a huge blow anytime you talk back or fight back. And most bullies would rather die than to be made inferior, especially to a little peon like you.

Therefore, be prepared for a battle because your bullies will become vindictive. They’ll seek revenge and they won’t stop coming after you until they get it.

It doesn’t matter if your bullies were the ones who started it because, to them, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.

In other words,  don’t care if they’re the ones who’ve mistreated you all these years. Furthermore, they don’t care that you only want to be left alone.

The only thing they are thinking at this moment is that you challenged them. You are a target and nothing more. In other words, you are beneath them. And you had the gall to undermine their (perceived) authority and superiority.

The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Keep Standing Up for yourself, no matter what!

In other words, if your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

Don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

You can do it! I believe in you!

This post is all about standing up to bullies, what to expect when you stand up to them, and why you should continue to stand firm no matter what.

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

toxic friend

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship (And How to Cut Ties)

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‘Want to know the 10 signs of a toxic friendship so that you can decide when it’s time to end it? Here are the signs you must recognize.

10 signs of a toxic friendship

Because bullies have caused others to turn against them through smear campaigns, most victims are friendless. Moreover, they stay that way for long periods, which is why many victims of bullying take up with unsavory people and end up in toxic friendships.

Having been there myself, I’m giving you the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that I’ve personally witnessed firsthand.

You will learn exactly what they are and what they look like so that you can cut ties before your so-called friends have a chance to do any lasting damage.

Once you learn all ten signs of a toxic relationship, you will be better prepared and ready to end the friendship and save yourself from any future heartbreak.

This post is all about the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that every victim of bullying should know about.

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Many targets of bullying are bullied and excluded so severely for so long that they become desperate for any crumb of friendship. Notice I say, any crumb of friendship.

In fact, they’ll latch on to anything that even looks like friendship. However, looks can be deceiving.

Victims of bullying can very easily get in with the wrong people- people who only tolerate them. Moreover, these people will treat them like dog crap on the bottom of their shoe and leave them feeling even worse about themselves.

Fake friends often send mixed signals which leaves these victims confused. Therefore, they often stay in toxic friendships.

Sadly, these targets will do everything they can to hold onto these unhealthy friendships. Why? Because they feel they have no other options.

So, what are the signs that you’re friends with A toxic person?

1. Your friend turns hot and cold.

These types of people will be sweet as pie one day and mean as a snake the next. This quickly becomes a pattern.

Also, during their cold periods, they won’t tell you what’s wrong when you ask them. They’ll only continue the coldness and may seem like they’re angry at you for something.

However, see this for what it is. It’s a deliberate act to keep you confused and off balance. Moreover, it’s designed to manipulate you and keep you hanging up to them.

Yes, this happens in dating relationships but can also happen in friendships too.

Therefore, don’t let it confuse you. Realize that the person isn’t really a friend and you must drop this person and find better friends. Why? Because true friends never turn hot and cold toward you. They are as real as they come.

If a true friend is angry at you about something, they’ll tell you straight up. On the other hand, a fake friend will only lie to you or give you a vague answer to keep you confused.

You must understand that you deserve better friends. Anyone who plays these kinds of games doesn’t appreciate the value you bring. Therefore, they don’t deserve a seat at your table and it’s time to walk without looking back.

Before we go any further, I understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re targeted for bullying. I understand the feeling of being friendless and it sucks…royally!

However, with friends like those, you don’t need enemies. So, technically, you’re already lonely anyway. You can do just as bad by yourself.

 Therefore, you must ditch these creeps for your own mental health! You might have the courage to be alone for a little while. But sooner or later, better friends will come along. Give yourself a chance.

2. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. 

A true friend would respect your decisions, even if it is the decision not to join them in something. This goes especially when they ask to to do something that could be harmful to you or another person.

In fact, a true friend would never put you in harms way nor would they allow you to do anything illegal or harm another person. Therefore, this is your cue to ditch and switch, baby!

3. They never have your back when your bullies come for you.

This is a big one and it’s a deal breaker. If a so-called friend either disappears or throws you under the bus whenever you’re in trouble, it’s a surefire sign that this coward isn’t your friend.

Get rid of this wimp, fast! Do you really want to be friends with some spineless wuss-bag who disappears and can’t be found when the fit hits the shan?

4. They give you shabby treatment.

And when they do, they don’t seem to care how they hurt you. Again, you deserve better. Therefore, this should be a no-brainer. Show them the door…fast!

5. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend is constantly getting offended or mad at you and you don’t know what you did wrong. 

In other words, you are constantly having to apologize to for things you don’t know you did wrong, or aren’t guilty of. Moreover, you do it just to keep the peace.

Here’s another example. The friend wants to be with you when no one else is around. However, when others’ are around or you’re in public, it seems as if they don’t want anyone to see them with you.

Therefore, it’s time to give this person their walking papers.

Again, I understand that nobody wants to be alone. We’re human beings. Therefore, we’re all wired for human connection, togetherness, and belonging.

However, you can be just as lonely around a group of friends who don’t value you. So, if you’re going to be lonely anyway, at least have a darn good reason for it.

6. The friend seems possessive of you and wants to keep you all to herself.

This happens mostly with female friendships. She will get angry if she sees you talking to another friend of yours. Moreover, she may treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl.

If you have a friend like this, chances are that she will smother you with wanting to hang around…all the time. This isn’t good either. The last thing you want is a clingy friend. You have a life and she needs to get one.

Therefore, you have two choices. You can either tell her (and tell her with gently and with kindness) that you have other priorities too or continue to put up with her childishness.

If you tell her that you have other friends too and that doesn’t work, it’s time to pick a new friend who won’t hang on to you like static cling.

7. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell them what your plans for the future are.

You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Granted this may be true, given that it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries. However, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try.

Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

But be cautious with this one. Your friend may be saying this because he feels he needs to protect you from any future disappointment. However, most say these things because they see your potential and fear that you may actually succeed and leave them behind.

Only you can judge these things.

8. They ridicule you for having a goal or dream.

You dream of one day becoming an actor and your friend(s) make fun of you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn. Therefore, they make you feel lousy when they do this.

You deserve friends who encourage you to go after your goals, not those who’ll tear you down.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. Moreover, you must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away.

9. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They’re resentful of your successes.

It sucks, yes! But a lot of so-called friends get jealous when you’re successful at something. Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, maybe they trivialize your accomplishment. Again, when this happens, that’s when you know it’s time to make tracks.

10. They only come around when they need something.

These people are everywhere. They come around only when they know you can give them something and disappear when you’re the one in trouble. Therefore, you deserve better friends than these.

Get some standards and find friends who don’t use you.

In Conclusion:

If you’re having any of these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends, then find new friends. You owe it to yourself.

How you cut ties is by stopping all contact. You don’t have to explain anything to them. Just stop having anything to do with the bad friend. It’s that simple.

Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. Moreover, you deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve people who value you and don’t want to lose you.

However, you must value yourself first. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. Guaranteed!

This post was all about the 10 signs of a Toxic friendship so that you’ll know when it’s time to bail and kind better friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by