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empowerment definition

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

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‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode.  Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

 Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

  • Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
  • Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
  • Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

  • When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
  • If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
  • If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

toxic friend

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship (And How to Cut Ties)

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‘Want to know the 10 signs of a toxic friendship so that you can decide when it’s time to end it? Here are the signs you must recognize.

10 signs of a toxic friendship

Because bullies have caused others to turn against them through smear campaigns, most victims are friendless. Moreover, they stay that way for long periods, which is why many victims of bullying take up with unsavory people and end up in toxic friendships.

Having been there myself, I’m giving you the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that I’ve personally witnessed firsthand.

You will learn exactly what they are and what they look like so that you can cut ties before your so-called friends have a chance to do any lasting damage.

Once you learn all ten signs of a toxic relationship, you will be better prepared and ready to end the friendship and save yourself from any future heartbreak.

This post is all about the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that every victim of bullying should know about.

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Many targets of bullying are bullied and excluded so severely for so long that they become desperate for any crumb of friendship. Notice I say, any crumb of friendship.

In fact, they’ll latch on to anything that even looks like friendship. However, looks can be deceiving.

Victims of bullying can very easily get in with the wrong people- people who only tolerate them. Moreover, these people will treat them like dog crap on the bottom of their shoe and leave them feeling even worse about themselves.

Fake friends often send mixed signals which leaves these victims confused. Therefore, they often stay in toxic friendships.

Sadly, these targets will do everything they can to hold onto these unhealthy friendships. Why? Because they feel they have no other options.

So, what are the signs that you’re friends with A toxic person?

1. Your friend turns hot and cold.

These types of people will be sweet as pie one day and mean as a snake the next. This quickly becomes a pattern.

Also, during their cold periods, they won’t tell you what’s wrong when you ask them. They’ll only continue the coldness and may seem like they’re angry at you for something.

However, see this for what it is. It’s a deliberate act to keep you confused and off balance. Moreover, it’s designed to manipulate you and keep you hanging up to them.

Yes, this happens in dating relationships but can also happen in friendships too.

Therefore, don’t let it confuse you. Realize that the person isn’t really a friend and you must drop this person and find better friends. Why? Because true friends never turn hot and cold toward you. They are as real as they come.

If a true friend is angry at you about something, they’ll tell you straight up. On the other hand, a fake friend will only lie to you or give you a vague answer to keep you confused.

You must understand that you deserve better friends. Anyone who plays these kinds of games doesn’t appreciate the value you bring. Therefore, they don’t deserve a seat at your table and it’s time to walk without looking back.

Before we go any further, I understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re targeted for bullying. I understand the feeling of being friendless and it sucks…royally!

However, with friends like those, you don’t need enemies. So, technically, you’re already lonely anyway. You can do just as bad by yourself.

 Therefore, you must ditch these creeps for your own mental health! You might have the courage to be alone for a little while. But sooner or later, better friends will come along. Give yourself a chance.

2. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. 

A true friend would respect your decisions, even if it is the decision not to join them in something. This goes especially when they ask to to do something that could be harmful to you or another person.

In fact, a true friend would never put you in harms way nor would they allow you to do anything illegal or harm another person. Therefore, this is your cue to ditch and switch, baby!

3. They never have your back when your bullies come for you.

This is a big one and it’s a deal breaker. If a so-called friend either disappears or throws you under the bus whenever you’re in trouble, it’s a surefire sign that this coward isn’t your friend.

Get rid of this wimp, fast! Do you really want to be friends with some spineless wuss-bag who disappears and can’t be found when the fit hits the shan?

4. They give you shabby treatment.

And when they do, they don’t seem to care how they hurt you. Again, you deserve better. Therefore, this should be a no-brainer. Show them the door…fast!

5. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend is constantly getting offended or mad at you and you don’t know what you did wrong. 

In other words, you are constantly having to apologize to for things you don’t know you did wrong, or aren’t guilty of. Moreover, you do it just to keep the peace.

Here’s another example. The friend wants to be with you when no one else is around. However, when others’ are around or you’re in public, it seems as if they don’t want anyone to see them with you.

Therefore, it’s time to give this person their walking papers.

Again, I understand that nobody wants to be alone. We’re human beings. Therefore, we’re all wired for human connection, togetherness, and belonging.

However, you can be just as lonely around a group of friends who don’t value you. So, if you’re going to be lonely anyway, at least have a darn good reason for it.

6. The friend seems possessive of you and wants to keep you all to herself.

This happens mostly with female friendships. She will get angry if she sees you talking to another friend of yours. Moreover, she may treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl.

If you have a friend like this, chances are that she will smother you with wanting to hang around…all the time. This isn’t good either. The last thing you want is a clingy friend. You have a life and she needs to get one.

Therefore, you have two choices. You can either tell her (and tell her with gently and with kindness) that you have other priorities too or continue to put up with her childishness.

If you tell her that you have other friends too and that doesn’t work, it’s time to pick a new friend who won’t hang on to you like static cling.

7. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell them what your plans for the future are.

You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Granted this may be true, given that it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries. However, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try.

Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

But be cautious with this one. Your friend may be saying this because he feels he needs to protect you from any future disappointment. However, most say these things because they see your potential and fear that you may actually succeed and leave them behind.

Only you can judge these things.

8. They ridicule you for having a goal or dream.

You dream of one day becoming an actor and your friend(s) make fun of you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn. Therefore, they make you feel lousy when they do this.

You deserve friends who encourage you to go after your goals, not those who’ll tear you down.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. Moreover, you must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away.

9. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They’re resentful of your successes.

It sucks, yes! But a lot of so-called friends get jealous when you’re successful at something. Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, maybe they trivialize your accomplishment. Again, when this happens, that’s when you know it’s time to make tracks.

10. They only come around when they need something.

These people are everywhere. They come around only when they know you can give them something and disappear when you’re the one in trouble. Therefore, you deserve better friends than these.

Get some standards and find friends who don’t use you.

In Conclusion:

If you’re having any of these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends, then find new friends. You owe it to yourself.

How you cut ties is by stopping all contact. You don’t have to explain anything to them. Just stop having anything to do with the bad friend. It’s that simple.

Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. Moreover, you deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve people who value you and don’t want to lose you.

However, you must value yourself first. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. Guaranteed!

This post was all about the 10 signs of a Toxic friendship so that you’ll know when it’s time to bail and kind better friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

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‘Want to know the 5 things to never do with a bully? Here are the top five mistakes you should never make with bullies so that you make yourself less vulnerable to them.

5 things to never do with a bully

The last thing you want is to give your bullies any ammunition they can use against you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the five top things to never do with a bully.

Once you learn all about this super-important information, you will be able to make yourself more bully-proof and keep them from trashing your self-esteem any more than they already have. Moreover, they just might end up seeing you as a lost cause and move on to an easier target.

This post is all about the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can preserve your right to be left in peace.

5 Things to never do with a bully

1. Never Apologize to a Bully.

For anything! Ever!

You must understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

2. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never Compliment a bully.

Trust me, bullies, especially the arrogant and puffed up type, get their boots licked enough.

They get false compliments and fake sympathy from their sycophants daily. How do you think they got so sickeningly full of themselves? Compliments should only be handed out to people who deserve them.

I learned this the hard way when I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

I remember seeing a girl in the cafeteria at lunch, and she was wearing a lovely dress. Naturally, I told her that it was a beautiful dress and that I liked it. And I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it.

However, it only fueled her arrogance. She only sneered at me and said,

“I know. So what? Nobody likes you, and you think kissing up changes things?”

You can imagine how heartbroken I was.

Few things uplift a person like a sincere compliment, which comes from the heart. However, a bully will only take your heartfelt compliment and steamroll you with it. They will only wipe their butts with it, then throw it back at you.

They may accept anyone else’s compliment. But if it comes for you, your bullies will only see it as ass-kissing.

Realize that a bully will only see it as confirmation that they are better than you. A bully will also think that you’re only trying to suck up to them to get them off your back.

A compliment to a bully is nothing more than an ego boost. And why not? Again, bullies are used to having most other classmates or coworkers bow down before them.

Moreover, it’s an opportunity for them to rake your dignity over the coals.

Instead, be the one who gives these life-suckers and happiness thieves a healthy dose of the real world. Be indifferent toward them- like you just don’t give a crap about them.

They may get angry because they may think people owe them allegiance, but you won’t give them the wrong impression. And, most importantly, you’ll walk away with your self-respect intact.

3. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never admit anything to a bully.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, bullies won’t give you margin for error. Therefore, it’s best never to admit any error’s in front of them.

4. Never share Secrets in the presence of a bully.

If you’re a target of bullying, understand that they’re just looking for any chance to reveal any embarrassing information about you. You must realize that they hate you and all they want to do is hurt you.

Even if the information is innocent, like watching a slasher film, it’s better to keep it to yourself. Therefore, this is a no-brainer. When people bully you, it’s just best to guard your secrets with your life!

5. Never reveal any of your plans.

This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying. Many people trumpet their goals and dreams.

Moreover, they announce their plans without realizing what ramifications it can bring. And, if you’re a target of bullying, all the more reason why you should keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself. Therefore, work quietly.

Understand that any time you broadcast your objectives, you place yourself at risk of others sabotaging you and trying to derail your plans.

Furthermore, your bullies are just waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own person failures and shortcomings.

Moreover, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior  to reach success and overshadow them.

5 Things to Never Do with a bully:

Your success is a threat to your bullies’ power.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

Why, because it’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! You force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight!

Understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration and when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. They will make a barrage of accusations. Also, they’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back in the shade.

But see through it and stay above it. They only do it because you’ve threatened their power. And when bullies face the threat of losing their power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

In other words, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities.

5 Things to never do with a bully:

Two More Bonus Answers

1. Never try to Prove Yourself to a bully

Yes, I added a sixth answer as a bonus.  You should never try to prove yourself to a bully. Ever!

Bullies don’t deserve for you to expend so much effort to prove anything to them. Why? Because they’re not worthy of your best. Only the people who truly love you, uplift you and are proud of the person you’re becoming deserve that.

Only the people who have your back and are in your cheering section are worthy of the kind of work you put in.

‘You see? Bullies are the type of people who must have a target. In other words, they must have power over someone, anyone, or they end up feeling inadequate and useless (but aren’t they already?).

Bullies have an insatiable hunger for power. If they don’t have it, it drives them nuts.

If you’re a target of bullying, you only try to prove yourself to those who could care less either way. Moreover, you’ll be on an endless and futile quest. You’ll end up wasting precious time, which is time better spent focusing and working on you.

Understand that no one can prove themselves to a bully. It’s impossible because bullies only see the negative in others. They never have anything positive to credit anyone but themselves.

In fact, the better, stronger, smarter, braver, and more awesome you are, the more threatened your bullies feel.  Therefore, the more they’ll attack you to tighten their grip on your life.

The Only person you have anything to prove to is yourself.

Bullies hate strength, they hate smarts, and they hate any positive quality in anyone else but them.  Moreover, they especially despise them in the person possessing them is their victim, if their good points surpass theirs.

To a bully, control isn’t just about forcing you to do what they want. It’s about controlling your mind- your thoughts, attitudes, and preferences. In short, it’s about controlling your life and having the power to ruin it.

It’s about having the power to break you and wear you down. Bullies get off on that power. And when you consistently bend over backward to prove yourself to them, all it does is show them that they still have power over you.

Because, if they didn’t already have it, you wouldn’t be trying so hard. In fact, you wouldn’t try at all because you wouldn’t give a crap what they thought.

Remember! You have nothing to prove to anyone other than yourself.

2. 5 Things to Never do with a bully:

Never Pander to them

I’ve seen so many victims non-victims pander, or, in laymen terms, suck up to bullies. Bullies can intimidate and threaten you. No doubt about it!

Therefore, anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? No. Here’s why.

1. It wouldn’t change things. Therefore, when you pander, you only give away more of your personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet.

And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. In other words, you may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

5 things to never do with a bully:

Pandering Only makes you feel worse later.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?”

Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is counterproductive in the end. However,  start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. It’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

What’s the best way to handle a situation like this?

You handle it by simply staying above it- by not reacting to the bullies’ foolishness. Moreover, you deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.

Put simpler, just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

In the meantime, continue to work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers. Therefore, the less roadblocks you will run into along the way.

And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it. Even better, you can give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

5 Things to never Do with a Bully:

In Conclusion:

Remember that you’re the target. Bullies and everyone else will see any of the above five behaviors as sucking up.

Moreover, when you do any of them, you only reveal possible weaknesses and leave yourself vulnerable. Therefore, it’s best to stay way away from these behaviors.

Realize that any time people target you for bullying, everyone will automatically expect the worst from you. Why? Because, sadly, people despise victims of bullying.

And no, it may not be justified. It may not be fair but neither is life. It is what it is and you must do everything you can to make the best of it. Avoiding these behaviors is how you make the best of it.

This post was a lesson in the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can keep the bullying you suffer to a minimum and spare your dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

Confidence vs Arrogance

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‘Want to know the difference between confidence vs arrogance? Here are the differences you need to know about, especially if you’re a victim of bullying and abuse.

confidence vs arrogance

Many people get the two confused. Why? Because others conditioned them to believe that even the smallest shred of confidence is arrogance and that it’s bad.

Sadly, bullies and abusers condition victims that confidence is negative. Also, you can be misguided in thinking such by people who are well-meaning but don’t know better.

Why? Because they were also taught such things. Others conditioned them to believe that confidence, self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion were arrogance. Then, they passed it onto you.

Moreover, they were taught that they were bad people for having those treasures. Also, the abusers in their lives manipulated them into believing that they never deserved to have those traits.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the difference between confidence and arrogance so that you understand the differences.

Once you learn how the two differ, you will have an understanding of the distinctions. Also, you’ll be better able to resist being brainwashed when bullies attack your confidence and try to convince you that it’s bad.

This post is all about confidence vs arrogance so that you can hold on to your confidence when bullies try to attack you for it.

Confidence vs Arrogance

So, what’s the difference?

1. Confidence is healthy.

It’s never shy nor boastful. It’s that happy and healthy middle between low self-esteem and smugness.

Therefore, when a person is confident, they don’t have to trumpet their own importance and they don’t have to show off. Confidence isn’t loud or obnoxious, it’s quiet.

A confident person doesn’t boast or brag because they don’t have to. They know their value and all the good they bring to this world. They already know their own importance. Confidence is seen and not heard because it’s there.

Confident people believe they’re equal to everyone else. They believe they’re no better than anyone but just as good.

Therefore, they are kind to others and allow them to be themselves and do their own thing. However, a confident person is also assertive. They aren’t afraid to set firm boundaries and lay down the law if another person sticks so much as a toe over their boundaries.

A confident person, doesn’t let his confidence effect the way he treats people.

Why? Because he believes that everyone has a right to respect and dignity.

I want you to know that it’s okay to be confident and to be comfortable in your own skin. Moreover, it’s okay to have respect for yourself and to love yourself.

And thirdly, it’s okay to indulge in self-care and to tell some creep to go to hell if they get abusive with you. So, be confident!

Know that you can have confidence without being a pompous stuffed shirt. Know your worth and that you deserve to be treated well and with love and respect.

2. Confidence vs Arrogance:

Arrogance is unhealthy

In fact, it’s toxic! Arrogance is extreme.

In other words, it’s loud and obnoxious. When a person is arrogant, they’re full of themselves. An arrogant person makes sure that everyone around them knows how important they are because they feel they must announce it to the world.

Arrogance is like a peacock; it shows all it’s pretty colors and expects people to notice and give it recognition. However, it’s boastful because it’s insecure, and craves attention, admiration, and adoration.

An arrogant person believes he’s superior.

They treat people they deem inferior like dirt. Moreover, they’ll go out of their way to bully them and let them know who’s boss.

An arrogant person either doesn’t recognize boundaries, or he resents them. In other words, he believes that he should have carte blanche to violate another person’s boundaries.

Also, he gets highly pissed if the person he bullies has the gall to stand up to him.

Therefore, an arrogant person is a self-entitled, egotistical, self-satisfied turd who uses his attractive qualities to compensate for insecurity, cowardice, and weakness.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Regardless of what others have taught you, there’s a difference.

If other people have taught you the confidence is conceit, understand that they fed you nothing but lies. Confidence, basic self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion are not arrogant. Moreover, they aren’t selfish.

What they are is essential– essential for good mental health and a good life. They’re crucial for happiness and fulfillment

Realize that when someone attacks your confidence by accusing you of being arrogant or self-centered, it’s not about you. It’s really about them and always has been.

Why? Because they only do it to keep you down by making you feel less than them.

They do it because, deep down, they feel small. So, they feel they must push you down into the pits of low self-esteem so they can feel superior. Therefore, these people, who are really bullies, believe they must break your spirit to uplift theirs.

Oh, but wait! Here’s something else to think about here: maybe bullies and abusers drum this garbage into your head because they’re afraid. That’s right!

Could it be that bullies and abusers attack your confidence out of fear?

They’re frightened that if you manage to attain that precious confidence that you were born with, then you just might grow a pair of coconuts! In other words, you’re more likely to develop the spinal column to tell them where they can stick it and drop them like a bad habit!

Realize that this is about power. Moreover, it’s about making sure they keep you in your place, so they don’t risk losing their power over you.

Confidence vs Arrogance Or Confidence vs Egotism

Arrogance and egotism are close cousins. The confusion between confidence and egotism is also quite common. However, there are ways to distinguish between confidence and egotism.

Before I go further, let me start by saying that we all have egos. However, the trick is in how we handle them.

Here are the differences between confidence and egotism.

  • Confidence is quiet. Egotism, like arrogance, is loud and boastful.
  • The former doesn’t have to boast because it already knows its value. The latter, on the other hand, must constantly remind others of its value.
  • Confidence is teachable. Whereas, egotism is not. It kills the capacity to learn because it thinks it already knows everything there is to know.
  • Confidence leads to growth. Egotism can only lead to stagnation and eventual destruction.

Two Opposites

Princess Diana, during her latter years, was the perfect example of confidence. Once she saw her worth, she traveled the world, helping the less fortunate.

On the other hand, Hitler was an example of egotism. His overinflated ego led to the destruction and loss of millions of innocent lives. His overstuffed ego produced intense hatred for all Jews and anyone else he saw as his enemy.

As we know, bullies aren’t confident, they’re egotistical. Again, we all have egos. However, not all of us have egotism. Therefore, egotism is bad because it often stems from negative feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, and fear.

Moreover, it’s the reason bullies often target those based on their weaknesses, the lower role they play and their stations in life.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Promotes Equality while Egotism Promotes Division

Confident people treat the janitor or the security guard with the same respect they would give the company president or the CEO. In contrast, egotistical bullies only will only mistreat the janitor and security guard while sucking up to the president and the CEO.

A confident person gives kindness and respect to those who can do nothing for him. In other words, he treats everyone equally regardless of difference or position. Ego-driven bullies only abuse those who can’t benefit them somehow.

Those who are confident have selfless motives and doesn’t care who you are as long as you’re a decent and moral person.

However, those who are ego-driven bullies are self-serving. With these types of personalities, it’s all about fame and name.

Putting ego aside means respecting those whom society deems beneath you and giving them the same human value. It means making an effort to understand those who are different from you and doing your best to help them as you would those most like you.

Egotism is when ego overrides humanity and places it in grave danger, whereas, confidence helps and saves it.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Confidence Saves Humanity, Egotism Destroys it.

Sadly, I’ve worked with people who were great people to get along with. But once they got that coveted promotion, they became people I no longer recognized.

Bullies often spend money beyond their means to buy expensive clothes and cars, trying to look like they’re better off than everyone else. However, this is a sure hallmark of egotism.

Unfortunately, many bullies get deep in debt and sometimes resort to thievery to get out of it. As a result, they end up in legal trouble, which is an example of the self-destruction that egotism can bring.

Therefore, be aware of these signs in other people. And be confident, but know where the line between confidence and egotism lies.

“Who do you think you are!”

Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why?

Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.

Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy. Therefore, there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness.

Understand that environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.

Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.

Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.

Confidence vs arrogance:

Arrogance and egotism will try to tear down confidence.

I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence. Moreover, this was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild after having been severely bullied.

You could see it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits! Their brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on  anyone else’s face.

Can you imagine what they were thinking? You can just hear it.

“The nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!”

You probably hear the remarks too.

“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”

“He’s an arrogant jerk!”

“She’s so uppity!”

“He loves himself too much!”

“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”

I could go on and on.

Confidence vs Arrogance:

Your confidence will offend some.

Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish.” Also, some will tell you that you need to climb down off your high horse.

Maybe they say that you’ve gotten too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having confidence in yourself is something to be ashamed of.

You can practically hear your bullies shout in the style of Greta Thunberg, ”How dehhhhh you!”

Bullies tend to think that if you have pride in yourself, you’re sanctimonious. However, it’s okay for them to have it.

In their minds, confidence and pride should be reserved only for them and people like them. But woe unto you if you have even an ounce of self-value and to believe in yourself.

Therefore, continue to have confidence! There’s nothing wrong with it! Moreover, do whatever you must do to maintain it! Confidence is something you must guard with your life!

This post is all about the difference between confidence vs arrogance so that you can have the knowledge to rebuff any bullies who try to gaslight you into believing that being confident is wrong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

signs someone is gaslighting you in a relationship

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

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‘Want to know the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms you have while it’s happening?

signs someone is gaslighting you

When people gaslight you, you may not know it but you’ll feel it if you pay attention. Victims of gaslighting often start out as confident and level-headed people.

However, once a gaslighter gets a hold of them, they can go on such a downward spiral. They continue this decline until their confidence and self belief are completely stripped of them and they become shells of their former selves.

In this post, you will learn the 13 signs that someone is gaslighting you. These are the symptoms you feel in your mind, body, and heart.

Once you learn all these physical and psychological effects, you will be better able to recognize it not only in the other person’s behavior, but also in how you feel.

This post is all about the signs someone is gaslighting you so that you can recognize it when it happens and decide on a course of action to get away from your gaslighter.

Signs Someone is Gaslighting You

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting their victims, as are domestic, child, and sexual abusers. In reality, bullies are abusers and abusers are bullies. However, that’s the topic of another post.

As we know, when a target speaks out about the abuse and begins defending themselves, bullies are quick to paint the target as cr*zy. Moreover, they will try to reverse the roles to make the victim look like the bully.

They may even try to convince the victim that what happened didn’t really happen. The bully/abuser might say that it was all in the targeted person’s imagination. Also, bullies may accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or overreacting.

Therefore, if you’re someone who is gaslighted, understand that bullies will gaslight you to shut you up. And they want you to stay silent about the abuse so that they can keep their moral high ground and continue looking good to others.

Moreover, they do it to make you doubt your sanity. Now, you may ask what they have to gain from this.

Realize that these bullies know that if they can make you doubt your own sanity, then it’s a sure bet that others will doubt it too.

It’s tough to recognize what these bullies are doing because, in most cases, others may agree with them. Others outside the bully/victim relationship may believe that you really are mentally unbalanced, or too sensitive.

And when others agree with them, you’ll feel even more compelled to say, “well, maybe I really am overreacting. Therefore, you just clam up and go along with it to keep from being further bullied and gaslighted.

So, what are the signs someone is gaslighting you?

Simple. You know just by how it makes you feel. Here are the symptoms:

1. You constantly second guess yourself.

It’s a brutal cycle. You say something, make a judgement call, maybe a decision, and then you turn right around and begin wondering if you said or did the right thing.

This is bad because second-guessing ourselves can cause us to feel stuck in life, and there are few worse things than feeling stuck.

Moreover, you’re hyper-self-aware, self-conscious, and always on guard to make sure you do and say the right thing all the time. Realize that too much second guessing can cause you to do and say the wrong things out of nervousness. That’s no way to live!

How you solve this problem is to stop worrying about what others think. Also, understand that your first instinct will usually be the correct one.

 2. You wonder if you’re imagining things or being too sensitive and you do it several times a day.

They don’t call it “crazymaking” for nothing because it can drive you cr*zy. In other words, when people are constantly taking pot shots at you, you hesitate to make any comebacks.

Why? because, again, you’re too busy doubting yourself and putting too much value on the opinions of others.

The best way to solve this problem is to trust what you feel and go with it. You may get bullied harder for it, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself later, knowing that you stood up to those creeps?

3. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You over-apologize.

You apologize for trivial stuff that anyone else could do and probably get away with. Moreover, you apologize for other people’s behavior.

You may even apologize for having to go to the bathroom! In short, you apologize for everything!

Therefore, understand that some things do not require an apology. Know what those things are, then flat refuse to give any apologies. There’s no need for apologies when people are treating you like doody!

4. You’re confused all the time.

Should you do this or that, say this or that? You live in constant confusion. Again, stop worrying about what others will think or say. This is your life! Don’t waste another second of it jumping through hoops for people who don’t give two hoots about you.

Stand up to them and tell them to go @$%# themselves! Then sever ties, baby! Walk away from them without even looking back!

5. You’re never happy but feel you should be.

That’s a dead ringer that you’re being gaslighted! Why? Because when people gaslight you even for feeling a certain way, this is what happens.

Therefore, realize that your feelings are right on target. You should be happier. Only you have a gaslighting abuser in your life holding you back from the happiness you so richly deserve. And, what’s worse is that you’re enabling them!

Please understand that in no way am I blaming you. However, you must realize that you have more power than you’re being led to believe you have.

It’s time for you to get angry and tell these people to go kick rocks! Life’s too short to put up with people who mistreat you! You deserve better!

6. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You make excuses for other people’s behavior.

This especially happens when you have fake friends who only use and abuse you. You don’t want others to know what they’re doing to you because you already know.

Moreover, you’re riddled with shame over it. It can be embarrassing when the people you call friends disrespect you because you end up looking pathetic to others.

Hence, you make excuses for them not only to hide the shame of being treated like a pile of manure, but also, to keep your abusers from being angry and making you pay for it later.

However, the only way to stop the abuse is to face the truth and ditch these fakers! Realize that, if you must make excuses for people who only bully and abuse you, they can’t be friends.

It’s time to show them OUT! And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be!

7. You lie to avoid being ridiculed or put down, even about things you should have nothing to worry about.

When you feel you must lie about things that are not a big deal, that’s definitely a red flag! People are going to ridicule you no matter what. So, why lie about anything?

Ask yourself this question. Who are these chumps that you should have to lie?

The best thing to do is to be honest. Then, if they have a problem with it, tell them to shove off. It’s better to be honest then to live in regret, wishing you had spoke your mind when they were the ones being abusive.

Show these morons the door! Fast!

8. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You feel that you’ve changed- that you’re no longer the confident and outgoing person you used to be.

You’ve noticed a change in yourself and it isn’t a good one. You’re not the happy and healthy person you once were and, chances are, you don’t know why.

Therefore, this is the time to begin evaluating all your relationships and know who your abusers are. Once you figure out who’s making you feel so rotten, you must make some tough decisions as to who to keep in your life and who to let go.

9. You feel like you can’t do anything right.

Its not that you can’t do anything right. It’s just that you’re allowing yourself to be forced to live life on someone else’s terms and not your own.

Moreover, your bullies are forcing you to live up to their standards and not yours. Again, life is too short to be anything but happy. Therefore, gather the courage to make the changes you must make to salvage your peace.

This means establishing and setting boundaries. Then, you must be ready to enforce those boundaries if ever the need arises.

You must not allow a single soul to disrupt your peace and your happiness.

10.  You feel hopeless.

I’ve been there. However, you must realize that nothing is hopeless. Especially if people bully and abuse you. It’s not easy to leave a toxic workplace when you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, quietly begin looking for new employment now and line something up.

Then, when a new job comes up, quit!

The same goes if you have a partner who abuses and gaslights you. Start putting money away or reach out to your family to provide a place for you until you get a job.

The idea is to get away from the gaslighters in your life.

11. Signs someone is gaslighting you:

You wonder if you’re good enough.

Trust me! You are good enough! You’ve only been led to believe that you aren’t. Understand that people have succeeded in breaking your confidence. Therefore, you must begin working hard to regain that confidence!

How you start is to find ways to get rid of the gaslighter in your life.

 12. You know something’s wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

Realize that being gaslighted day in and day out causes you to eventually lose yourself. In other words, it causes you to lose sight of who you are and once that happens, bullies and abusers will have you exactly where they want you.

Therefore, understand that some things are not so clear and that there are situations that we won’t get direct and easy answers to. That is why it’s so important to go with how you feel. Listen to your body. Put another way, listen to your gut.

“Trust your feelings, Luke.” – Yoda (Star Wars)

In most cases, the way you feel will be all the answers you need.

And once you go with your feelings, find a way to rid yourself of the life-leeches (if possible). It’s the only way you’ll be able to heal, get yourself back, and live a peaceful, happy, and purposeful life.

13. You Feel Trapped.

This goes especially for abused partners. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be anything but! However, gather the courage to do what you must to take back your personal power and your life.

It may take a while and you will go through a grieving process. However, once you’ve gone through the sadness, you will be amazed at how much freer and more empowered you’ll be.

Moreover, you’ll have peace and happiness like you never thought possible.

This post was all about the signs someone is gaslighting you and the symptoms that go with it to prompt you to make the changes necessary for your self-esteem and mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden

Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me? Here are 5 Reasons to Beware!

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If you’ve a victim of bullying, you’ve probably had situations where you’ve asked yourself, “why is my bully being nice to me all of a sudden?” Moreover, the pleasantries seemed to come out of the blue.

Here are all the possible reasons they do this and why you should be very cautious.

why is my bully being nice to me

Anytime your bullies suddenly act nice to you, it leaves you confused and bewildered. Or worse, it may have filled you with new hope. However, don’t get too comfortable.

In this post, you will learn all the answers to your question, “why is my bully being nice to me?”

Once you learn all these answers, you will be able to see through their niceties and take steps to protect yourself against any dirty tricks.

This post gives you all the answers to the question, “why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can guard yourself accordingly and avoid any traps your bullies may set for you.

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

 If nothing else, know this! You should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being nice to you. Why? Because bullies will always pull this number when they need you to let down your defenses.

Therefore, they pour on the sweetness and try to butter you up.

Again, I can’t stress this enough! If you ever see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, beware! Because it’s probably an act!

So, What are the signs of fake kindness?

Before we get into the reasons bullies play nice with you, lets first discuss the signs that their pleasantries are fake.

1. A sudden change of heart

Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Moreover, trust needs a considerable amount of time to build.

Therefore, just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who is usually brutal toward you just ups and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!

2. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to ME?”

Flattery/Sweet-Talk

Bullies have a higher understanding of human nature than most. In other words, they instinctively know that after they’ve bullied their victim over a certain amount of time, that person is more likely to be hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness.

Put another way, bullies can sense that the victim is vulnerable. And they will take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because your bullies will overdo the pleasantries. They’ll use excessive flattery. And, man! Do they lay it on thick!

Therefore, if they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

3. A fake smile

As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.

4. Micro-flashes

If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces. Moreover, you’ll notice them when your bullies think you aren’t looking or paying attention.

Therefore, don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

5. “Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away

Moreover, they’ll look at you until you turn your back, then they’ll give each other knowing glances. Or, they may look at each other and give a wink, a nod, or both.

These are a dead giveaway! Therefore, give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests.

Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous?

You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

“Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Listen to your gut!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. Therefore, if something doesn’t feel right, that’s usually your first clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.

“Why is my Bully Being Nice to Me?”

Here’s a scenario:

So, it appears that your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re an equal.

They’re smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them.

However, you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet, too sweet! You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

Moreover, you notice a slight fake in the tones of their voices. Instead of making you feel good about yourself, they make you feel gross. But you don’t mention it to them. You only stay polite yet neutral.

In fact, the bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and shindigs. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you.

There it is again! That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach!

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

“Why is my bully being nice to me?”

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

1. They’re nosy.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other.

Moreover, they will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal details about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease. Why? Because they’re hoping that you’ll get comfortable enough to share a few of yours.

Again. Don’t fall for it!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!

“Why is My bully being nice to me?”

Here are your answers:

1. They want something from you.

You can bet they do! Why else would bullies be nice to you all of a sudden when they hated your guts the day before? They may want money or something material. Moreover, they may want you to do something for them.

Whatever it is, don’t give it to them. Know that they aren’t being authentic and you should be on your guard. Why?

Because once you give them what they want, they’ll go right back to being the assholes they were before. Even worse, you’ll end up feeling like an idiot for falling for their bullshit!

2. They’re trying to set you up for trouble.

Your bullies could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.

Therefore, before they set the trap, they must find ways to bring down your defenses and gain your trust.

Again, don’t fall for it. Put some distance between yourself and your bullies because you can bet they’re playing you for a sucker!

3. They’re planning to pump personal information out of you to use against you later.

And when they do, your bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

4. “Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me?”

They mean to keep you confused.

Sometimes, bullies play the hot and cold game to bewilder you and keep you on the back foot. Therefore, after they’ve pull this crap on you a few times, see it for what it is. A mind game!

Then disengage and have nothing more to do with them!

5. They fear getting into trouble.

Often, bullies may act nice to you to keep their butts out of trouble. However, once the threat is over, they’ll go back to being the same creeps they were. Therefore, don’t fall for the act.

Tell them to get away from you and stay away!

In Conclusion:

Let’s do a quick summary.

  • When people who treated you like garbage suddenly decide that you’re the best thing since sliced bread? Look out!
  • When bullies put on the nice act, they’ll gush over you and pour on the compliments. They’ll tell you how wonderful you are and that they got you all wrong and misjudged you.
  • Also, they’ll show you excessive attention and laugh at your jokes with their counterfeit laughs.
  • Your internal alarm will go off in the pit of your gut because something will feel “off” about these little encounters.
  • Your bullies will be so sappy with their niceties.
  • They’ll stand a little too close, and gush over your small wins and accomplishments.
  • They will seem to latch on to you like a tick to a dog.
  • You’re first thought may be, “Ewww,” “Yuck,” or any other utterance of total disgust.
  • Their sweetness will be downright sickening.

My advice is to get away from these people. Fast! Because they’re up to something. You might not know what that “something” is.

However, for your safety, ditch these fools and have nothing to do with them. If something feels wrong, listen closely. Your instinct never lies.

this post answer the question, “Why is my bully being nice to me,” so that you can keep your guard up and see through the nice act.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Narcissism: 7 Secret Powers of Narcopathic Bullies

2. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

4. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

fear

How to Overcome Unnecessary Fear: 5 Easy Ways to Eradicate It

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‘Want to know how to overcome unnecessary fear? Here are several simple tricks that every victim of bullying needs to know.

how to overcome unnecessary fear

Bullies thrive on fear and if you’re a victim of bullying, the fear they instill in you controls you and controls your life. Truth be known, you’re probably wondering how to overcome unnecessary fear and free yourself from it’s grip.

In this post, you will learn how to get rid of the fear, stand up to your bullies, and take back control of your life.

Once you learn all these mind hacks, you will no longer be afraid to stand your ground, set boundaries, and live life on your terms.

This post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can have finally liberate yourself from bullying and have more freedom and autonomy.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

Fear is the strongest of all emotions. It’s an excellent asset in a genuinely hazardous situation where there’s the threat of immediate harm. However, it can be the most dangerous and paralyzing emotion in situations that don’t warrant your being afraid.

Understand that this kind of fear is THE number one tool in the bully’s toolbox. Bullies use it as a means to manipulate you and control every aspects of your life.

Realize that the power of fear is the only power bullies hold, and they don’t use it sparingly. Moreover, bullies instinctively know that real or perceived fear will shut down your rational and cognitive thinking abilities.

As a result, they can manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.

Next, let’s discuss the negative effects this fear has on your life.

How does unnecessary fear impact your life?

1. It strips away your personal power.

It weakens you, making you completely powerless to stop unpleasant circumstances from happening in your life. And most of these situations are those you could otherwise control.

2. by tearing apart your ability to reason.

Fear automatically shuts down the logical part of your brain and the survival part of your mind takes over.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

3. Fear discourages you from taking action in situations that require it.

You’re too afraid to take the risk that it might not produce the desired outcome. However, what if it does? This is what you should ask yourself every time you fear acting on something.

4. It strips away your ability to make your own choices and decisions.

Instead you only make choices that benefit your bullies because you’re afraid they’ll retaliate.

5. By discouraging you from defending and protecting yourself from harm.

Again, you’re frightened of standing up for yourself because of the risk of your bullies physically beating you up or retaliating psychologically.

6. Fear forces you to put your wants and needs on the back burner and shackles you to the self-interests of bullies and abusers.

Instead of taking care of your own priorities, you allow your bullies to force you to work to further their interests. Moreover, you never get a chance to do anything to make yourself happy.

Therefore, you must find ways to overcome this unnecessary fear. Moreover, you must gather the courage to stand up to your bullies and tell them to take a hike. They may retaliate. However, let them. Anything is better than putting up with unsavory people mentally enslaving you.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

A fearful person is easier for bullies to control than a fearless one.

Bullies have long understood the power of deliberately inducing fear in their victims to control and dominate them. Moreover, they know that it reaps them rewards.

These kinds of people maintain their oppressive grip on you by threatening some kind of repercussions on you if you don’t comply with their wishes. They then brag to others that they have the power to decide whether you get to live in peace and be safe from harm.

Also, they may tell you that if you do what they want or say what they want to hear, they will leave you alone. Additionally, they also demand that you do it willingly and without getting mouthy and catching a funky attitude.

However, we all know how this usually goes. Bullies don’t keep promises. They only keep you hanging.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that your bullies greatly benefit from your fear, and they won’t give those benefits up without a fight.

How do Bullies exploit your fear?

There are 5 ways bullies use fear to control you.

1. spreading rumors and gossip

Bullies have a knack for making even the most ridiculous lies sound like the truth. Moreover, they make the most insidious abuse respectable, even admired.

They’ll slander you to keep you silent and ensure that you don’t speak out about the abuse. Also, they do it to isolate you and lessen the chances of anyone supporting you.

If they can turn everyone against you, then who’s going to believe you when you finally speak out about the violence?

Bullies will use your fear to turn others against you and recruit them to become willing participants in the abuse. Therefore, if nothing else, remember this:

Even the kindest of people can become willing co-conspirators because humans behave much differently in groups, then they do on their own.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”

– Voltaire

How to overcome Unnecessary fear:

2. Bullies use Repetition

In other words, bullies will repeat their physical, psychological, or relational aggression. Moreover, they will do this over long periods of time to strengthen and solidify your fear.

They also continuously beat down your self-esteem and confidence to ensure that you don’t protect yourself or rebel against the abuse.

Understand that this is a type of coercive conditioning or brainwashing. Why? Because it’s specifically designed to break your will and get you to submit and accept more abuse.

Bullies may also repeatedly use the old bait and switch. In other words, they may make you empty promises of safety and security. Again, bullies don’t keep promises and will usually inflict pain on you anyway.

3. Gaslighting

If the bullies can make you question your own sanity, they can discredit you in the eyes of bystanders, witnesses and authority members.

Moreover, if they can cause you to doubt your own perception of the abuse, they can, therefore, cause you not to believe your own experiences.

And if your abusers can make you believe you must have done or said something to deserve the cruelty, all the better! Then you’ll surely keep quiet and do as you’re told.

4. To control everyone else

Bullies also use fear to control your peers and any bystanders. Moreover, they send the message that if anyone else dares to help you or associate with you, they too will suffer the bullies’ wrath.

Therefore, bullies use everyone else’s fear to control them too.

How to overcome unnecessary fear

How do you overcome your fear?

1. Gain knowledge of bullies and bullying.

Knowledge is power. Therefore learn everything you can on the subjects.

This means researching the psychology of bullies and bullying. In other words, learn why bullies bully and where their abuse comes from. For example, do they bully for social status or to keep from being bullied themselves?

Moreover, learn where their abuse comes from. Does it come from low self-esteem, sadism, arrogance, or a feeling of superiority?

Also, know what your bullies’ intentions and motivations are. Are they trying to get attention or admiration from others?

Finally, learn which tactics different bullies use and how it effects victims.

Additionally, you must also gain knowledge of human nature and tactics of warfare. You must also know the ways people attain power, psychology, and dark psychology.

Reading about the Dark Triad- Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism wouldn’t be a bad idea.

2. Stop worrying about any outcomes.

Once you detach yourself from the outcome of a situation, you automatically detach yourself from fear.

3. be not concerned with what others think.

In other words, stop worrying about what people think. Once you release yourself from others opinions, you release yourself from fear.

4. become angry.

Anger is one hell of a motivator. This means finally getting fed up and you’ll know when you’re fed up. Moreover, once you get mad because you’re sick of your bullies jerking you around, fear immediately becomes a non-issue.

To put it plainly, anger is the one emotion that drives away fear. Why? Because once you become angry, you no longer care. Damn the consequences! You’re finally ready to do something about this!

Only then will you gather the courage to make a stand and change your life for the better.

5. how to overcome unnecessary fear: Prepare yourself to fight! And fight like hell.

Whether you must do it physically or employ psychological warfare, you must fight for your right to be left alone. In that, you fight for your safety, your self-esteem, your peace, your happiness, and, in extreme cases of bullying, your very existence.

this post is all about how to overcome unnecessary fear so that you can take your life back and start doing you!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

why people bully others

Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

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‘Want to know why people bully and the benefits bullies reap at your expense? Here are the things your bullies feel they have to gain from bullying you so that you can call it out and bust them.

why people bully

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably wonder what it is your bullies have to gain from bullying you. Therefore, here are the exact benefits your bullies get at your expense and what you can do to protect yourself.

In this post, you will learn why people bully and exactly what it is that motivates them.

Once you learn all about the psychological payoffs of bullying, you will be able to more clearly call out their behavior so that you will have a better chance of defending yourself.

This post gives you all the reasons why people bully so that you can know what motivates your bullies and call it out by name.

Why People Bully

Someone came to me with a burning question that I used to ask all the time. I am certain that millions of people worldwide have asked the same question, “Why do People Bully?”

There are many answers, and they all depend on the individual bully. Therefore, before we get into the reasons for bullying and the benefits bullies look for, let’s discuss three different types of bullies.

1. Spoiled, Coddled bullies with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

These kinds of bullies bully because they are arrogant and overconfident. They truly believe that they are superior to you and better you and anyone else.

Therefore, they’ll stop at nothing to let you know who’s boss. You must understand that these creeps are self-entitled, self-serving, and have no empathy.

With these types, the ends always justify the means. They do everything possible to keep the spotlight on themselves and hog all the attention. Moreover, they consider themselves highly privileged.

Also, they’re jealous of anyone who outshines or outdoes them in any way. Why? Because they believe that any happiness, successes, accolades, and victories should be reserved for only them.

Therefore, if you have a talent that brings you recognition, look out! Because these bullies will punish you for it. And they will pull out all the stops to crush your self-esteem and kill your confidence to bring you down.

You’ll often find these people in the popular and preppy crowd at school. Also, they’ll be in the “Good Ole Boy” clique at work. Moreover, these bullies will often be jocks, cheerleaders, and sorority/fraternity nuts at school. They may also work in management or be one of the suck-ups at work.

2. Why People Bully:

Hurting and Victimized Bullies (Bully-Victims)

These bullies bully because they are being bullied themselves. The abuse could be happening either in the home, at school, in the workplace, or all three.

These aggressors feel powerless. Therefore, to reclaim some of the power that has been stripped away from them, they bully those even weaker than they are.

Bully-victims have a strong need to feel like they have control over something in their lives.

Here’s an example:

A child is yelled at by his parents, then he gets mad, goes outside, and kicks the dog. This is why I call this type of bullying, “Kicking the Dog.”

Moreover, no one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, “Shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.”

So, to stay off the bottom, these types will often find someone else to bully, so they don’t feel like they’re the ones stuck in the basement.

Just as people fight to stay on top of the social hierarchy, there are also those who fight just as hard to stay off the bottom. Hence, the reason victims of bullying often become bullies themselves.

3. Why People Bully:

Bullies who Are Followers, Drones, and Wannabes

These bullies are to be pitied because they are quite pathetic when you really think of it. This is because they will suck up to the in-crowd (the narc bullies).

Therefore, they do this by either bullying those lower on the social totem pole. Or, they’ll simply join the popular bullies in tormenting you.

Figuratively, when a person from the in-crowd tells them to jump. These wannabes will ask, “How high?” Moreover,  these people often become followers, minions, groupies, and flying monkeys.

They’ll do the dirty work of the bullies with narcissistic personality disorder. In other words, they’ll serve as their yes-men.

However, understand that these people are only kiss-butts and brown-noses. They’re only bully you hoping for acceptance into the popular crowd.  Also, they do it because they’re afraid of becoming the next target.

Different people bully for different reasons. When we can distinguish the reasons each bully bullies we can better prepare and protect ourselves.

Why people Bully:

What are the benefits Bullies gain at your expense?

Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does anything without some sort of psychological payoff. Therefore, bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power

Simply put, bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Therefore, anytime a bully takes you down, they get a tremendous rush of power. They also become addicted to that rush.

This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more. It’s no different from having a drug addiction. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while. Therefore, the bullies must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbally abusing you lose their thrill, your bullies will grow bored with it. Therefore, your bullies will often escalate the abuse.

They’ll resort to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a junkie builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Why People Bully:

Popularity

Bullies bully because, sadly, many people think it’s cool or cute. Therefore, they see it as a means for increased social status.

‘You see? Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility. Bullying isn’t only a way for bullies to exert power but it gains them the popularity they crave.

 And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bullies’ social status is increased, while yours is reduced.

Moreover,  having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to some people’s sense of self-worth than money and material wealth.

Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if your bullies are dead broke.

On the other hand, if the bully does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

3. To Compensate for a shortcoming

We’ll use a lack of money and material wealth, for example.

Most bullies don’t have a lot of money. And these are the types who achieve social status through exploitation of your mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings.

Bullying is not a healthy way to achieve social status. Therefore, a healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement.

The achievement could be joining a positive movement or donating to a charity. However, one tiny mistake can instantly tarnish one’s reputation and all the good they’ve done.

The world is, sadly, quick to blame a person for any negative qualities or actions while slow to forgive or to give credit for good deeds. Moreover, bullies instinctively know this and take full advantage of it.

However, the only way that broke bullies can excel up the social hierarchy is by demeaning others. And they do it by taking the tiniest mistake you make, adding to it, and blowing it up to decrease your social ranking.

4. Why People Bully:

Superiority

Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength. Moreover, it sends a message to you and others that he’s a badass, and that they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s top dog.

Therefore, your bullies will torture you to keep up that facade.

5. Attention and Sympathy

Many people do it to distract others’ attention away from their own behavior. Therefore, if the bully can make you look the devil reincarnate, people won’t pay so much attention to her evil deeds.

For example, if she picks a fight with you and you stand up to her, she can make you look like the villain. Afterwards, she gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give her.

6. Distraction from their own shortcomings

Bullies are experts at making you look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to your weaknesses, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects.

Why? Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

7. Why People Bully:

Projection of their own flaws onto someone else

Bullies have a flare for accusing you of the same deplorable shit that they do themselves. Therefore, if your bullies can make you look like the troublemaker, then they can go unpunished.

 Moreover, they can continue to attack you freely and with impunity. Again, this also takes the focus off their own misdeeds.

8. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing you suffer

Your bullies love to see you suffer. For them, your misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. In other words, just knowing that they can determine how you feel and how your day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them. The way to do this is to see your bullies for the weak wusses they really are.

Realize that bullies bully because they’re great big cowards. They have no persuasion skills. In fact, they have no redeemable qualities. Therefore,  the only way they cam be effective is to bully their way through life.

Keep this in the back of your mind.

9. To tighten the bonds in their group

By tormenting you, bullies garner support from others who are just like them and who share the same values. After all, bullying is most effective in group situations, where people unite to serve a certain objective.

Therefore, know that bullies never work alone. They always have people backing them.

Group bullying gives talentless bullies a sense of belonging. Also, it tightens the bonds among members of the group.

Furthermore, this collective bullying also makes them more successful in bringing you down than if the bullies worked alone.

Another advantage to group bullying is the mob mentality it produces. It’s a dark part of human nature that people conform and imitate the behaviors of other members of the group. Therefore, in groups, bullies have more power and can make a much bigger impact.

Bullies Never Work Alone, They’re Too Cowardly

10. Why people Bully:

They Can’t Achieve Social Power any other way.

Understand that people who bully others to achieve social gain can never achieve it any other way.

These types of people are the talentless, the lazy, and the incompetent. Moreover, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these bullies exactly as they are – empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

11. They See Bullying As An Aphrodisiac

That’s what bullying is to bullies, an aphrodisiac. In other words, it’s the only way these people can feel good. Again, hurting you is like a drug to them. It’s highly addictive because it gives them a massive rush of power.

You must understand that targeting others for bullying is how they find meaning in their lives. And the only excitement they can add to their meaningless lives is through mistreating you.

In short, bullies bully because they enjoy it.

People crave power, fame, notoriety, and influence- even the best of them. But most can get those through love, through their hobbies, jobs, talent, and creativity.

On the other hand, bullies don’t have these things going for them. Some might have jobs but aren’t satisfied in their positions. So, they abuse people instead.

And once you’re no longer available to them because you either quit or move away, the aphrodisiac isn’t there anymore. So, what will they do?

They’ll search for a new victim to get their next fix.  Moreover, they may even turn on one of their friends if they can’t find a target outside their peer group.

Why People Bully:

It’s Not You, It’s Them!

If you’re a target of bullies. You are not the one with the issues.

Your bullies are the ones who have the problems. They are the ones who are mentally unbalanced. Therefore, they are the ones who belong in mental institutions.

However, they only hide it behind their undermining and degrading of you and others. Realize that they’re only projecting their problems onto you.

Your bullies are using you as a distraction. And they have to work hard at it, which doesn’t make for a good life.

Always remember that, and their insults and stupidity won’t bother you as much. I promise you!

This post was about the reasons why people bully and where their abuse comes from so that you can know what bullies are really about and have more confidence in yourself when they come for you.

1. Why is Self Acceptance Important? 21 Must-Know Reasons

2. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

3. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

4. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

5. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

from a bully's perspective

A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You

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‘Want to know all about the bully’s perspective and what they really want to say to you? Here you’ll get a peak inside the minds of bullies, especially when you stand up to them.

a bully's perspective

Bullies have a Divine Right of Kings attitude toward their victims. They feel that they are entitled to abuse them and that their targets don’t have the right to defend themselves. In other words, bullies expect their victims to just shut up, stand still, and take their abuse with a smile, then ask for seconds.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what a bully’s perspective is and what they expect from you.

One you learn all about these attitudes and expectations, you will be compelled to double down in protecting yourself from bullies. Moreover, you’ll finally know what bullies are thinking.

This post is all about a bully’s perspective and the importance of standing up to your bullies.

A Bully’s Perspective

If you’re a victim of bullying, Here is what your bullies want to say to you.

We warned you! We warned you not to rock the boat. ‘Told you not to make waves. We made it clear that your place was beneath us. Therefore, you should take our abuse without question and without refusing.

And we shouldn’t have to spell that out for you!

Nevertheless, what did you do? You just had to push it! ‘Had to get uppity! You just had to challenge our authority!

So, ‘you want to make trouble? ‘You want to diss us? ‘Grow some spine and step up to us?

Now, because of you, we risk the threat of everyone else challenging our power!

Therefore, what would you do if someone on a lower level than you challenged you? What would you do if some nobody humiliated you and made you look like a punk in front of everybody?

Yeah, yeah! People may advise us to just “let it go” or “overlook it!” However, you’ve made thhis personal and there’s no coming back from it!

Do you really think you won any respect by clapping back at us? Uh-uh! Nope! What you did was start a war!

So, don’t talk to us about right or wrong! Don’t speak to us about fairness! Because right and wrong, just don’t come into it! And fairness is a fairytale for babies!

We’re going to teach you that there’s a social order in this place! And there’s a certain way we do things around here!

You’ve forgotten who you are. We must teach you that some people matter, and some don’t! You also need to learn that some people can, and some can’t!

A Bully’s Perspective:

When you stand up to us, you take away our power over you.

Don’t say a word because you’d feel the same way we do! You’d think,

“This loser doesn’t know his place! He’s forgotten who he is! He has grown too big for his britches and too smart for his own good! He doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone!”

“He’s gotten too cocky, too sure of himself, too bold and too arrogant! In short, he’s threatened our positions at the top of the social totem pole! And threats must be contained!”

During the Medieval period, anyone who disrespected any member of a royal family would be dragged off to the guillotine. And the remaining peasants would know that they would be next if they even mentioned the troublemaker’s name.

The “Divine Right of Kings” rule still stands today, in this school, in this workplace, in this community, in this world.

People in our positions are allowed to beat our chests and throw our weight around freely and with impunity. It’s okay for us to abuse anyone we deem unworthy of humane treatment. If you were any one of us, you’d think,

A Bully’s Perspective:

we’re afraid that if you stand up for yourself, you just might start a trend!

“But (target’s name)! Who the hell does that freak think he is! He opened his smart mouth and dissed us! Now all the losers may rise up and demand their rights to equal treatment!

What? Allowing them to get through a single day without getting their brains beat in isn’t enough? Shoot! They should be down on their knees, thanking us for not making things worse for them!”

“Losers like him (the target) report you to the principal and get you in trouble! Or they get the big boss involved!

They join anti-bullying groups and get involved in anti-bullying programs at school! Or they join workplace safety groups!”

“Shyeah! Like that’s gonna help them any! And don’t EVEN get me started on those groups! They’re always looking for publicity!”

“They even write journals, publish books, and post on their blogs! They call you and your friends out on things you’d rather people inside or outside town not find out!”

“So, with the bullying awareness movement (Ugh! What a joke!) that’s sweeping the globe, it’s harder for us to insulate ourselves from accountability!

And since virtually everyone has a smartphone with a camera, how can we punish our target without further exposure and the risk of punishment and ruination of our prospects?

How can we reinforce our dominance over this creep, and make him cave in and bow down to us? How do we make our target submit?

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Will Fight Ferociously to keep our power.

We make the little rebel’s life a living hell and use him as an example to the rest of our subjects. However, we can’t make it too visible. We must be cunning and covert! Our attacks must be deniable.

We’ll do this to teach this punk a lesson show him who’s boss while letting the other schoolmates know that this will happen to them if they dare get out of their places. You call it tit-for-tat, we call it frontier justice.

Maybe you think that we don’t know we’re bullies. Well…you poor, clueless thing, you! Newsflash! We know we’re bullies and we’re proud of it. ‘Wanna know why?

Because bullies rule!

Why? Because it’s cool to be cruel! Sorry. That’s reality and you can either deal with it or continue to be a hero and get treated worse!

The higher up on the social hierarchy we are, the more brazen and brutal we are. And when you threaten our power, the more desperate we are.

Therefore, the harder we’ll fight to keep the popularity, attention,  favor, the having our butts kissed, and the social status we enjoy.

You need to realize that the positions we hold and the friends and followers we have give us special treatment. We get rewards, and liberties that nobody else can get.

1. we will try to hold you down.

And the power we have is too delicious to give up. Outside of our group, our high social status, and this town, we have nothing!

So, if this little pipsqueak thinks he’s going to man up and punk us out in front everyone, then we’re going to give him both barrels!

In this power struggle, we have an arsenal of power, reputation, connections, and favor. And we’ll use them all to bury him!

It takes a long time to isolate a target. But we have the patience of Job.

And while we wait for the outcome, we’ll get our kicks out of watching him suffer! He thinks he can win friends and respect?

He thinks he’s equal to us? Not in this lifetime! We decide who talks to who, who makes friends and when they do.

And we can kill any opportunity to make friends, get a date, have a promotion, and even turn the teachers, coaches, supervisors… any staff member against him if we so desire.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we Thrive on Silencing you.

We can shut him up by ridiculing him every time he speaks, even if he’s right. And if he gets in kind of praise or recognition from others, it’ll only further piss us off.

Then, we’ll turn up the heat on his butt!

We’ll shame him by calling him a nerd or a bookworm in school. We’ll accuse him of being an arrogant know-it-all at work! Finally, by the time we’re through with him, he’ll be too afraid to open his smart mouth!

We can exclude him from company meetings, school clubs, ballgames, school dances, proms, and other functions.

We’ll control his emotions. He won’t get any enjoyment in life unless we say so. We can make sure he does nowhere but down. Then, we’ll leave him to rot in his own loneliness and misery. We’ll make sure he’s stuck on the bottom of the pecking order and never moves up.

As a result, we’ll dim his shine, strip him of any confidence, change his smug attitude, and make him loathe himself! We’ll make him trash!

He crossed us- that makes him a leper as far as anyone else is concerned. Does he really think anyone will stand by him?

Sure, others may hate us because they can’t be us, but they fear us! They may talk smack about how they’d stand up to us, but talk’s cheap.

A Bully’s Perspective:

2. We isolate you.

Oh, yeah! The other folks talk the talk. But we know that when the time comes to walk the walk, they’ll only tuck their tails between their legs and run.

Moreover, they’ll leave the little wuss to fend for himself. They’ll know better than to piss us off because they know that we have the power to make their lives just as hard as we made his (the target’s).

Nobody wants to be next on our hit list, and we don’t blame them! It isn’t their problem, and they don’t want to end up down in the basement either.

So, what’s he going to do about it? If he does manage to scrounge up a few friends, they’ll be the few no-counts who are just as desperate as he is.

Also, they’ll hang with him only because they have no other options themselves. This gives us another juicy idea! Hmmm… Perhaps if we pretend to like and accept those other losers, they’ll throw his sorry butt under the bus too! Then what friends will he have?

How do you think we got to where we are? It’s because we’re the most knowledgeable of human nature.

Moreover, human nature dictates that, just as there are people who fight to be on top, there are also those who fight just as hard to stay off the bottom.

Oh, the other losers may feel sorry for the target, but they need us to leave them alone. They expect us not to make them bigger laughing stocks than they already are.

Therefore, the few friends he has will know better than to support him. Anyone would be a fool to have a dog in this fight!

A Bully’s Perspective:

we love dominance and power.

Around here, we are royalty! We’re the top dogs. If anyone else wants to be safe, they need our permission.

Therefore, the target’s friends don’t want us to make things any harder on them. And they know that if at any time some blockhead pisses us off, we take no prisoners!

So, even his friends will pretend it isn’t happening. Why? Because they know better than to have his back.

And if he shoots his mouth off to them or anyone else about any of us, many of them will report back to us for these reasons:

  • To get on our good side
  • In hopes that we’ll accept them
  • To stay off our hate-radar

And if we grill the target’s friends with questions about him, they’ll tell us anything they think we want to hear. This is good because they more than likely know all his deepest, darkest secrets!

Maybe these friends will know we’re only using them to get the deets from them. Then again, maybe they won’t, but either way, it won’t matter. The only thing that will matter to them is keeping us satisfied, and keeping their butts off our shit list.

Do you see where we’re going with this? The fix is in. If the target continues to push back against us, others will avoid him to keep from arousing our wrath.

And no matter how strong he thinks he is, he won’t be able to handle that for very long.

A Bully’s Perspective:

we will bombard you with attacks to wear you down.

Here are more ways we assert and reinforce control over targets who step out of line.

3. We spread rumors and lies about you because we know it works.

That’s right! We’ll demonize him. And he won’t even know about it until it’s too late and enough people are itching to take him apart.

We’ll sow discord between him and everyone else. Hell! Even the teachers or supervisors! We’ll make him public enemy number one!

Get this straight. All we have to do to demonize our target is to throw around a few offhand remarks and loaded words.

‘You see? We bullies been best friends since kindergarten, and some of us since we were babies. We are a family and we keep each other’s darkest secrets and fiercely protect each other. In other words, we cover each other’s butts.

Our families know each other, and we have connections to quite a few city officials and local big shots. Everyone knows us and they love us- very much!

We’re in cahoots with the right people and they tell us everything.

Nothing is private. Not in this town. This is our kingdom. And it’s crawling with lackeys, suck-ups, and wannabes. These people straddle the fence and they’re the ones you’d l least expect.

And he messed with one of us, so he messed with all of us!

4. A Bully’s Perspective:

we make you do degrading things with the promise of acceptance.

By this time, we’ll have him so rejected, alone and alienated that he’ll sell his soul to the devil just to get a crumb of acceptance. So, why not give him something to strive toward?

Make him do something to embarrass himself. And trust us, we’re creative!

We’ll think of something so humiliating and degrading! Setting him up to look pathetic is going to be so fun!

Moreover, we’ll film it for the entire free world to see. And he’ll never be able to get away from it.

We’ll also set him up to get in trouble with authority by baiting him into a few fights. We’ll get in his face. One of us might even throw the first punch and force him to hit back.

Then, we’ve got him. We’ll all band together and say he started it, cook up a good story, and he’ll be the one blamed.

And the icing on the cake is that after everyone finishes blaming and punishing this loser, they’ll give us sympathy for being victimized by such a monster.

That’s just life! It’s the mixed up world we live in. Some matter and some don’t. And if a target tries to defend himself, others will only accuse him of being defensive, a whiner, or mentally imbalanced.

But those rules don’t apply to us because we can do no wrong. Remember. We’re royals. And the double-standards we held our target to are beneficial to us.

Don’t be surprised and don’t catch an attitude. You’d do the same thing if you were one of us.

5. A Bully’s Perspective:

We fantasize about you transferring out or, even better, killing yourself.

Seriously, we do. But then again, we really don’t want that because, if he did either one, all the fun would end and it would be game over.

We need our target to stick around so that we can continue getting our jollies and free entertainment.

We prefer to make things worse on our target slowly and gradually, dragging it out for as long as possible. We’ll enjoy watching him withdraw from everyone and lose his appetite. Smiling as he gets sick, and shakes from nervousness, we won’t take our eyes off him.

And we know he will snap sooner or later.

Get this straight! We’re not completely clueless. We learned the laws of human nature early. How do you think we got so darned popular with kids and adults alike?

And how do you think we rose to the top of the social totem pole? We knew the rules of the social game long before most people knew how to use the bathroom by themselves!

We also know that no one can keep that kind of pressure stuffed down inside forever. It’s impossible. Eventually, the target will explode.

It always works better that way. And when he does blow up, we can only hope he does it in front of an audience.

6. A Bully’s perspective:

We would love nothing more than to beat the ever-loving crap out of you but we don’t want to risk getting caught.

We’re already building a case against the target. We can pick out small incidents, take them out of context, and spin them to make it bigger. Also, we can craft a pattern out of them and make it look like evidence that is so damning.

Sure. Like, love and attractiveness are all subjective, but the system and social dynamic are rigged in our favor.

We’re too smart to do something so obvious and we don’t want to get our hands dirty. We’d much rather psychologically pick the creep apart in front of everyone and use his words against him.

His intentions don’t matter. A screw-up is a screw-up and we’ll stick it to him. We’ll do it under the guise of friendly advice, the stealthier way to attack.

7. we will Pit what friends you have against you.

If we can’t turn his friends against him any other way, we’ll attack them too. We’ll accuse his friend of being in on the target’s little rebellion.

Why should we do the dirty work ourselves when we have peer pressure on our side?

His friends will blame him for dragging them into it and causing them to become targets. They won’t care to hear any explanations or justifications.

They’ll just want their lives back and they’ll ostracize and gang up on him to make that happen. Cause and effect is such a beautiful thing! Why not use it to your advantage?

8. A Bully’s Perspective:

We Send henchmen to commit our violence for us.

As much as we’d love to beat the target’s brains out with our bare hands, we’re too smart to get blood on ourselves. In fact, we won’t even be there.

Therefore, if the above tactics don’t work, we’ll just send a few roughnecks to kick his ass for us. And why not? We’re the kings and queens around here.

Seasoned Bullies Don’t Like to get their hands dirty.

Therefore, all we have to do is offer the right incentives and we can get anybody to do anything we want them to do.

Even better, we’ll get the toughest guy with the worst reputation and put a bug in his ear. We’ll make him think that the target is trying to put the moves on his girl. Then we won’t have to offer him anything in return.

It won’t matter what the truth is or whether the target even knows the girl. Because we have all the power, connections and trust, just our names and our word is golden.

The target gets his head kicked in and gets a ride in an ambulance. We fade into the woodwork. And if things get too hairy, we just let the tough guy take the fall!

And if tough-guy tells the cops that we put him up to it, do you think they’ll believe him?

Brilliant, huh?

This post is all about the bully’s perspective to give you a peek into their minds.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples 

2. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

3. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

4. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

how to spot a bully in a crowd

How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

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‘Want to know how to spot a bully and pick them out of a crowd? Here are all the body language cues you must be aware of.

how to spot a bully

If you want to combat bullying, you must know how to spot bullies before they spot you. This means having a spidey-sense when it comes to reading people. You must automatically pay attention to others’ non-verbal communication and their silences.

Therefore, in this post you will learn how to spot a bully among a huge crowd of people. You will also learn more about body language in general.

Once you learn all these non-verbal messages, you will be able to better protect yourself against bullies and bullying.

This post is all about how to spot a bully and what you can do to protect yourself from them.

How to Spot a Bully

Why You Should Learn to Read Body Language

People won’t tell you they have bad intentions. However, if you pay attention, you’ll see it in their body language.

Body language is the unspoken messages we all send everyday. You should learn these things not only to read other people but also to be aware of your own nonverbals.

For instance, noticing the clothes people wear and the arrangement of objects in their homes and work spaces can also give clues as to the kind of people you’re dealing with.

Moreover, it pays to notice patterns in their breathing and tensions they have in certain muscles (mainly the neck and jawline). You should also have the ability to read the subtext in conversations.

The feet are the parts of the body that people pay the least attention to! However, this is a mistake because the feet can tell you so much.

Participating in or listening to conversations is good practice as well. And you should also home in on what is implied rather than what is said.

All of this is non verbal communication. And let’s face it, there is no such thing as an action that doesn’t communicate something.

The ability to read nonverbal communication is increasingly becoming a lost art due to technology and the advancement of social media. And that’s a sad thing because without it, we lose the ability to live in harmony with our fellow man.

How to spot a bully: Bullies always display these types of body language, especially around their targets.

Dominance and Superiority Body Language

1. Bullies take up lots of space to appear bigger.

In other words, you will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall.

2. If you’re a victim of bullying, your bullies will stand extra close to you.

Moreover, they’ll stand so close that they will sometimes touch you. Your bullies deliberately invade your personal space to intimidate you. Moreover, this is the way they show you who’s boss without saying a word.

Therefore, how you respond is to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell off.

If they don’t move or they move closer to challenge the boundary you just set, you may have to throw up your dukes and enforce that boundary.

3. Bullies will also frown and purse their lips at you while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact. Also, they will bore their eyes into you like a dagger, without moving their heads.

Again, this is to intimidate you and let you know that they’re watching you.

And when they glare at you, they do it persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch.

Know that these are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!

Therefore, you respond to this by reflecting the same body language back to them. In other words, return the glare and purse your lips back at them. Let them know that they don’t scare you and that you can take care of yourself if you have to.

4. How to Spot a Bully:

Bullies will freely touch you because they have no regard for your personal space.

For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. They may grab you by the arm and lead you where they want them to go. A bully may also physically move you to the side or shove past you.

Understand that your bullies do these things to show you who’s in charge. Also, they may do it to compete with you.

Moreover, they may also do these things to signal ownership of you. Yes! In your bullies’ minds, they own you.

Their unspoken message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

Therefore, you must jerk away from them and tell them to never ever put their hands on you. And, if they challenge you by touching you again after you’ve told them not to, it’s time to punch their lights out.

And when you do, hit them so hard that they’ll think twice about ever messing with you again. Make the lick count!

5. If you are sitting, bullies will often stand over you to look bigger and more intimidating.

Or, if you’re standing, bullies who are short in stature will often stand on something to appear taller than you. Some may stand on their tiptoes.

Bullies will also lay claim to your territory (your desk, spaces, parking spaces, etc.) and expect others to obey rules when near the claimed area or object.

Again, they do this to intimidate and dominate.

Therefore, tell them to back the hell up!

6. How to Spot a Bully:

Other ways of Invading your space and claiming ownership

Your bullies may walk into your room, office, or home uninvited and without knocking. They may sit in your chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on your vehicle and parking in your parking space. They may cut in front of you in line, or prop their feet on the back of your chair when sitting behind them.

I had a girl do that to me in school, and if I knew what I know now, I would have jumped up and beat the living hell out of her!

Understand that bullies crave control and do these things to take away your power.

Therefore, you have every right to demand that they either know first or don’t bother coming in.  If they lean on your care, desk, etc, tell them to get off the object. You must stand up to these people!

7. Bullies also put their hands on your personal belongings with a carefree attitude.

But know that the message the bully is sending you is this: “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

Therefore, tell them in a firm tone to keep their hands off your shit!

 They may walk up to your table during lunch, pick a French fry off your plate, and pop it in their mouths. They may pick up your fork and take a bite of your food.

Moreover, your bully may also pick up your phone and began scrolling through the contents. They may even rummage through your purse or pick up your jacket and go through the pockets.

The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

Therefore, do something about it!

Get up, face the bully, and say, “Don’t you ever do that again.” If he challenges you, again, punch their lights out.

They crossed the line and you must enforce your boundaries. Why? Because they’ll keep it up if you don’t.

8. How to Spot a Bully:

Another way bullies invade territory.

They walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them.

Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road and driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait.

Therefore, tell them to move or to get out of the way. You could also say, “Excuse you!” This may or may not change their behavior but it will let them know that you aren’t afraid to stand up to them.

9. Bullies also show dominance by how they dress or the car they drive.

Bullies do this to impress admirers and to one-up you and other targets. Therefore, see it for what it is, a pathetic ploy to show off.

How you respond to give them a dismissive look and keep going. They aren’t worth your time.

10. Hostility Body Language

Bullies may look at you while pinching their chin.

The pinching of the jaw is used to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them. It’s their way to hold back the urge to physically attack you.

Therefore, realize that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

Therefore, put your hands on your hips, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and give them the death glare. The point is to let them know that you aren’t the least bit intimidated.

11. How to Spot a Bully:

They pound their fist into the palm of their opposite hand or another object.

Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at you, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall, or the palm of their opposite hand.

Any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for the victim’s physical body.

Moreover, girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at you.

Also, male bullies may snarl at you, whereas female bullies will glare at you with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Repeat the response in number 10. Show the creep you aren’t afraid of them.

12. Bullies also show hostility by sizing you up.

They size you up by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests. The best response is to mirror the bully.

13. Bullies will stand in the center of the room.

They do this to be the “center” of attention. I call this the “look-at-me” body language. Therefore, how you respond to this is just to dismiss the body and keep walking.

How to Spot a Bully

In Conclusion:

Here’s a complete rundown of what we just covered.

If a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Also, if the bully challenges you, enforce the boundary you set. Sometimes this may mean putting up your dukes.

Here’s another thing that we didn’t mention but is important because it will help your self-esteem tremendously.

Dress your best and look your best. This shows that you take pride in how you look and conveys confidence. It also helps you to feel better. When we look better, we also feel better!

This post is all about how to spot a bully so that you can read their body language and be better prepared for anything they may try.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

the perfect victim theory

The Perfect Victim: 9 Traits Bullies Look for in Potential Targets

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‘Want to know why you seem to be the perfect victim for bullies? Here are the characteristics bullies look for in potential targets and how you can turn the tables on these predators.

the perfect victim

If you’re a victim of bullying, you probably ask yourself a thousand times a day, “Why me?” And you’re not the only one who has asked that question.

What you may not know is that your bullies purposefully chose you to bully. Moreover, there are reasons why they selected you as their target.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn one of possible reasons why you seem to be the perfect victim for bullies. Moreover, this post will teach you by listing the exact characteristics bullies look for in potential targets so that you can figure out which trait applies to you.

Once you learn all about these characteristics and why they chose you, you will be able to turn the tables on your bullies and take back your peace, your happiness, your mental health, and your life.

The Perfect Victim

Bullies never randomly choose their victims from a crowd. There are certain criteria they search for and not everyone meets that criteria. This is why it isn’t everyone who gets bullied.

Therefore, when you think of the perfect victim for bullies, what kind of person do you see? A nerdy boy with eyeglasses? A girl with a weight problem?

Granted, these could be factors. However, there are many people who wear eyeglasses and who have issues with their weight that troublemakers never target. Trust me, I’ve known several in those categories who were completely accepted regardless of those things.

Therefore, it’s not about picking those with vulnerabilities that are obvious and people can see from five miles away. Bullies often pursue those who have victim qualities that are nuanced and less obvious.

So, what is it about these victims that attracts human predators?

It’s the weaknesses in their psychological makeup. Now, this is not to say that all targets have mental illnesses. However, there are things about them that instantly attract these human predators.

Here are 9 characteristics that draw bullies like vultures to a carcass. (The traits of potential Victims)

1. Emotional Fragility

When someone is emotionally fragile, they tend to wear their heart on their sleeve. These are those who cry easily. Also, many of them are sullen and have a crappy outlook on life in general.

People who are painfully shy are also bait for bullies. Moreover, those who get angry and flip out easily may also be targeted for bullying, though not often.

The reason bullies choose these types of victims is because they know they can easily get a reaction from them. Remember that bullies love the reaction they get because not only do they get their kicks out of it, but they can also weaponize the victim’s reaction and use it against them.

What do I mean?

Let’s say that harassers pick on a victim who easily loses their temper and the target flips out on them. The bullies can then use the person’s reaction to reverse the roles of victim and offender.

Therefore, it’s the target who gets the blame and thus, labeled the troublemaker and the bullies get off Scot free, even though they are the ones who are the provocateurs.

2. The Perfect Victim:

Sensitivity

Sensitive people also fall into the emotionally fragile category. For example, you can so much as look at them the wrong way and they’ll dissolve into a puddle of tears.

Therefore, bullies will target this person. Why? Because they know the person will break down crying and give them the reaction they’re looking for.

And once the victim starts crying, the bullies not only make fun of the person and call them a crybaby, but they can also use the tears against the target.

How? You may wonder.

They can accuse the target of being “too sensitive,” or a “crybaby” who just needs to lighten up. Therefore, other people will more than likely agree and stop taking the victim seriously. Because, after all, the target just needs to grow up and stop being such a wienie. Right?

3. Weak Personalities

When I say, weak personalities, I’m talking about people who are afraid to be themselves. Also, you have those who constantly seek attention and approval.

Granted, bullies do these things as well, only they’re better at hiding it.

However, when you’re afraid to be yourself and it’s obvious, you will also attract bullies. Realize that this doesn’t make you a bad person. You may come from a home where you aren’t allowed to just be your own person, therefore, you put on a front out of survival.

Therefore, I’m not judging you nor accusing you. What I am saying is that bullies can sniff that out and they will take full advantage if you’re not careful.

Remember that a pack of wolves always target the injured elk in the herd. It’s the same with bullies. They always go after those who are already injured in some way.

Maybe the potential victim has low self-esteem. Or they could suffer from nervousness brought about by a past traumatic event.

Again, bullies are like sharks that smell blood in the water. They’re opportunistic creatures!

4. The Perfect Victim:

Fear and Anxiety

Bullies will select those who are fearful and anxious. These people make good victims because bullies can leverage their fear and anxiety to get what they want. Also, a person who is nervous and fearful is easy to control and dominate.

Remember that bullying is about power and control. And bullies need these types of people to assert superiority over.

5. Loneliness

People who are lonely are especially vulnerable to bullies. Why? Because someone who has either very few or no friends or family is also least likely to have a support network.

In other words, there’s less chance of them having anyone to protect them or speak in their behalf.

Therefore, bullies can easily abuse this person any time they feel like it, with little chance of accountability.

A person who is always by themselves is the perfect opportunity for bullies. Why? Because people who are alone all the time are likely going to be desperate for friends and human connection

This desperation is something bullies can easily exploit for their own evil purposes. Therefore, these people are fertile soil for bullies to sow seeds of abuse and manipulation.

6. The Perfect Victim:

Disappointment

Those who are disappointed in life also make easy targets for bullies. Why? Because bullies can often make empty promises and dangle carrots of any of the things the victim desires to draw them in.

The victim’s desires could be acceptance and friendships, or it could be material things. Whatever the void, the bullies are more than happy to fill it, and for nothing more than to sucker the potential victim into their web.

7. People-Pleasing Behavior

Loneliness, disappointment, and people-pleasing behavior often intersect with each other. Therefore, people-pleasing behavior is a dead-ringer for bullies to exploit.

There are many reasons someone may feel the need to people-please. They may do it for acceptance and approval. Also, the person may do out of a survival mechanism to keep someone from harming them.

Nevertheless, bullies will quickly take notice. Then, they will dangle carrots of friendship and safety to draw the potential victim in, only to exploit them later.

8. The Perfect Victim:

Co-Dependency

All of the above mentioned psychological holes are related and can go hand in hand. Co-dependency is another weakness bullies look for in potential targets.

People may become co-dependent out of loneliness and the craving for approval. Moreover, they may people-please to get the friendship, romance, and approval they desperately seek. Also, these people may have fear and anxiety at the prospect of being alone.

Now, do you see how this works and how many traits on the list intersect with each other?

Therefore, bullies may notice these things and search for ways to suck the person in and exploit these weaknesses.

Therefore, if you have any number of these weaknesses on the list, bullies will be watching and waiting. In fact, they will see you coming a mile away.

Why? Because bullies have a flair for sniffing out anything that plagues the psyche, from loneliness, to low self-esteem, to fear and sensitivity. Bullies have a radar for any kind of insecurity and they will exploit it for their own personal gain or simply to hurt you.

Therefore, take all of this as a warning!

9. Exceptionalism

Exceptionalism is a little different. Yes, you can be an exceptional person and still have some of the above insecurities. However, bullies will also target confident people who are exceptional.

The person may make straight A’s in school or be a music prodigy. They may perform well on the job and get lots of praise and recognition from supervisors and coworkers.

Also, they target those who are goal oriented, highly intelligent, and take responsibility for their lives. Empaths are candidates for hate from bullies as well.

Creative and imaginative people are those bullies love to tear down. Understand that bullies fear their potential and they will try like the devil to kill that good seed before it has time to grow.

But why?

Here’s your answer in one word. Jealousy!

Realize that bullies want to be the top dogs. They do not like to be out-shined. In fact, they despise competition! And anytime you’re exceptionally talented, you steal the spotlight away from the bullies.

Therefore, expect them to victimize you without fail. Because they will just to poke holes in your confidence and self-esteem.

The Perfect Victim

In Conclusion:

If you fall into either one of these categories, let me ensure you that there are ways you can protect not only your body but your mind against the onslaught of bullies.

Therefore, your first line of defense is always, ALWAYS, self-acceptance. And when I say self-acceptance, I mean complete self-acceptance.

You must accept yourself, flaws and all. Moreover, you must be okay with who you are and love every thing that makes you you.

Why? Because when you’re happy with who you are, bullying attacks won’t have near the effect on you that it does if your self-esteem is broken.

In other words, your self-love and self-acceptance will act as your body armor and shield, preventing the psychological attacks of bullies from penetrating.

Therefore, accept yourself. Love yourself and all your imperfections. For we all have them. Even your bullies have flaws.

This post is all about the perfect victim and the characteristics in them that bullies look for and exploit so that you can pinpoint which one you have and take steps to turn the tables.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

2. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

3. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

25 signs of a toxic person psychology

25 Signs of a Toxic Person

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‘Want to know the 25 signs of a toxic person? Here are the tell-tale indicators that you need to be aware of.

25 signs of a toxic person

One of the first steps in protecting yourself from bullying is to know what types of people you should avoid. Also understand that trusting your feelings is just as important.

Why? Because some people are experts at hiding their true intentions and some things just aren’t so obvious.

In this post, you will learn the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can protect yourself by knowing who to stay away from

Once you learn all these red flags, you will be able to better shield yourself from evil people and protect your peace.

This post is all about the 25 signs of a toxic person you need to know about.

25 Signs of a toxic person

It’s a good thing that we all have a sixth sense and are able to sense the vibes and energy others put out. This can also work in our favor. The trick is to listen to that innate instinct and trust it.

 You can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether

1. taking and never giving

If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. gaslighting

This is a person who never takes responsibility for their behavior. Moreover, they find everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves.

What’s really bad is that they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection.

At the same time, they throw stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins.

Therefore, don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They Constantly Criticize

Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains.

Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out.

These people constantly criticize you. They seem to have a problem with every thing you do and how you do it. Moreover, they have a problem with how you look, what you wear, the way you keep your house… everything!

It seems they search for things to nitpick. These are folks you want to show the door to, quickly!

4. Stabbing you in the back

The backstabber is someone who is two-faced. They smile in your face but trash you once you’re not around.

Here’s something else to think about. If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it.

 This person will often pretend to be your friend. The sad thing is that you’re usually the last to know.

Therefore, you should never trust this person. Be careful what you share, not only with these people, but with anyone. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

Understand that this person isn’t worth knowing. So, take out the trash.

5. 25 Signs of a toxic person:

They’re a Shallow Hal.

If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. This person is superficial and is constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks.

Moreover, they may talk trash about the clothes others wear, or the car they drive. So, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. Neediness.

The needy person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then he complains when he doesn’t find them.

Moreover, they do this while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting the people who’ve been there for them.

Understand that they aren’t worth your time and you should act as if they don’t exist!

7. Constantly One-Upping You.

This person one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two.

If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture.

Therefore, they’re all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you to look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They invalidate your feelings.

Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information.

If someone tells you how you feel, they claim to know the unknowable. Moreover, if they tell you how you should feel, they send the message that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do.

No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. They’re jealous of your good fortunes.

This person is never happy for you when you reach success. In other words, they secretly resent you each time you make an accomplishment.

Moreover, you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking.

What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10. They like to stir the pot.

This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. They work as a double-agent.

In other words, they like to go back and forth, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out.

Get rid of this creep! Fast!

11. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The Drama Queen

Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this bad egg is a chronic complainer and always seems to be in a jam. Their misfortune seems to be never-ending.

In other words, they have bad break after bad break.

Now, we all have times when we must vent, and we all have bad luck at times. That’s perfectly normal. But when it’s constant, you have to wonder if the person is, somehow, bringing much of it on themselves.

Moreover, they have a problem for every solution. These types are never happy and impossible to please.  In fact, they will blame others for their misfortunes.

More importantly, drama queens and kings also tend to be suspicious of others. They’re the type who think that everyone is out to get them or everyone has ulterior motives.

And if they think everyone is out to get them, they’ll think you’re out to get them too and they will try to get you before you get them.

Additionally, if they have to do any kind of work, they’ll whine and bellyache about it.

Realize that bad moods have ways of spreading fast. No one wants to be around a nosebleed who whines constantly.

Therefore, stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood.

12. Belittling and ridiculing your goals and dreams

when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it.

For example, if you decide to go back to school, your so-called friend will tell you that you’re not smart enough. They may even tell you that you’ll be doomed to fail.

Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down. Even worse, they may cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

13. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They love to gossip.

This individual is a walking tabloid. You’ll see and hear her talking trash about different people and you’ll notice she does it all the time.

Moreover, she tell you everyone else’s business and might even broadcast her own to get you to divulge yours.

Many gossips will even talk about people they don’t know but have only heard about. They always seem to know everything about everyone– everything, short of their bathroom habits.

14. The person is nosy.

 Virulently nosy! This snoop should be considered a twin sister to the gossip.

Why? Because most gossips tend to consistently have their face in everyone’s else’s business.

You will often find them asking others personal questions. They’ll ask them about their finances, how much they get paid. Heck! Some will even ask about their sex life or whether they have one!

Moreover, you’ll find them with their ear to the door, eavesdropping on conversations. Also, you may witness them eyeing others closely, butting in, and inserting their cheap two-cents where it doesn’t belong.

Therefore, it’s best to avoid these people at all costs!

15. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

Passive-Aggression.

These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. In other words, they’ll hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser.

Moreover, this person is sneaky and should be avoided because if they even think you’ve slighted them somehow, they’ll unless a rash of covert attacks. And you won’t even see it coming until it’s too late.

Also, if they have an agenda and you just happen to be standing in their way, look out! They will make your life a living hell. This person is to be avoided at all costs!

Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

16. They make you feel like second choice.

If you have a so-called friend who only wants to talk to or spend time with you when their first option isn’t available, it’s time to walk away.

Don’t be second fiddle. Don’t be somebody’s option B, C, or D. Tell this creep to go pound sand!

17. They only come around when they want something.

Realize that this person doesn’t really love you for you, but only sees you as a convenience. In other words, they only love the benefits your friendship brings them.

These are the kinds of people who only show up when they’re in a jam and they need money, advice, or help with something.

You’re not a bank, you’re not Dear Abby, and you’re not a go-to person when someone needs help with something. Therefore, understand that you’re much more than that.

Sure. It’s great to want to help your family, friends, and your fellow man. Nothing wrong with that. But if they only take advantage of you, it’s time to cut them off and cut them loose!

18. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They put out bad vibes

When we’re around some people we can sense that something is off about them. In other words, we pick up on the vibes and energies they put out that don’t feel quite right.

Always listen to your gut feeling because vibrations don’t lie. Then keep this person at arm’s length!

19. They’re fake.

These types of people are always trying to be someone they aren’t. However, if they aren’t happy with themselves, they won’t be happy with you either.

It’s best to eighty-six their butt! Pronto!

20. The attention-seeker

This person is also calling and texting because they need emotional support. Granted, there are times when we all need it

Also, they may show off.

However, if you have someone in your life who seems to constantly need it, or they’re constantly trying to show out to impress others, it may be time to cut ties. This kind of person is exhausting to be around and you must do what you must to protect your psychological well-being.

21. 25 Signs of Toxic People:

They thrive on manipulation.

This person manipulates the people around them to get what they want. They stretch the truth, tell little white lies and use circumstances to their advantage.

However, if they manipulate others, they’ll do it to you too. Avoid them at all costs!

22. They lay guilt trips.

These types of people will try making you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do.  Don’t fall for it and don’t capitulate to them. If you don’t want to do something, there’s no law that says you have to.

Avoid this person as well!

23. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

The pathological liar

This is a no-brainer. Avoid anyone who’s dishonest because you can never trust them.

24. The control freak

These types want to be in control all the time. They expect you to do everything their way instead of having your own way of getting things done.

Moreover, they want to have control over your life. And they don’t like to ask. They prefer to give orders.

If you have someone in your life who likes to tell you what to do, it’s best to sever ties and preserve your autonomy.

25. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person:

They’re arrogant.

This individual thinks they’re better than you. They’re condescending, patronizing, and look down their nose at anyone they think is less intelligent, has less money, or doesn’t measure up to their standards.

However, realize that their arrogance is only a cover for insecurities. Also, it’s a front to deceive people into believing that they’re better than what they are.

Walk away from this person!

If you want to protect yourself from all kinds of evil people, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are of no value to you.

 Therefore, take out the trash.

In Conclusion:

You must create your own value, and you do this is by how you allow others to treat you. Therefore, treat yourself well and never settle for people who don’t see your worth.

Realize that it’s not your job to make other people’s lives easier, neither is it your responsibility to make them feel better about themselves.

Therefore, take back your self-respect and your power. Get rid of anyone who shows any of the above signs and save yourself a ton of future heartache.

Again, anyone who seems to suck the life out of you doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Although you can’t control their behavior, you do have a choice of whether to have any more to do with them.

You have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

This post was all about the 25 signs of a toxic person so that you can know who to part with and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

Beating Bullies at Their Own Game: 9 Insanely Easy Strategies

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‘Want to know exactly how to go about beating bullies at their own game? Here are 9 proven and effective tactics every bullied victim must know.

beating bullies at their own game

When bullies target you, it can leave you overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. Why? Because it seems that they knock you down at every turn, then keep you down. However, there are easy ways of beating bullies at their own game. You just need to know how to do it and do it successfully.

As someone who’s experienced it and learned the art of beating bullies at their own game, I’m giving you the nine easy but effective ways to outfox and outmaneuver your bullies.

In this post, you will learn the nine most effective ways to win against your bullies and become virtually invincible to bullies.

Once you learn these so-easy-it-shouldn’t-work strategies, you will rise above your bullies and become your own hero.

This post is all about beating bullies at their own game and the techniques you should use to do it successfully.

Beating bullies at their own game

Let’s get right into it! Here are the nine easy strategies you can use to turn the tables on your bullies.

1. See your bullies’ behavior for what it is, know where it comes from and realize the intentions behind it.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies can crack you up sometimes, can’t they? Or at least they should.

Bullies try to get your attention by making a smart-alicky comment here, a backhanded compliment there. This is a weakness and you can use it as such if you know how.

Many bullies will deliberately stand behind you in the checkout at the supermarket and sometimes a little too close. These are all attention-getting behaviors and if you’re a target of bullying, you’ve probably had people do the same to you on more than one occasion.

However, the funny thing is that when you see the behavior for what it is, where it comes from, and what’s it’s designed to do, you no longer care. And when you no longer care, the behavior ceases to be hurtful nor threatening.

Instead, it becomes boring, then hilarious or it only makes you pity the poor things.

Beating bullies at their own game means realizing that your bullies are miserable and pitiful souls.

Moreover, it must really suck to be a bully. All that expended effort to put on airs and all that hatred and vitriol! Bullies must carry around all that baggage and it only makes them look like the miserable pieces of garbage and not you.

All that negative energy that usually only ends up coming back to bite them later! All that effort to bring you down! And for what?

Attention? Is the meanness designed to intimidate those they find threatening?  Maybe the bullies want to be feared, admired, or adored by everyone. Or, they may think it makes them look big and tough.  They may think their behavior looks cute.

Nevertheless, the end goal is to feel better about themselves and more superior.

Sure. The mean and hateful behaviors of bullies can hurt, no argument there. However, after so long, there comes a point when you no longer give a crap.

Moreover, there comes a time when their behavior loses its potency and no longer has the intended effect it once did.

As a result, the people who bully you only become less menacing, less threatening, and less of an issue until they become downright boring. Then, finally, they become irrelevant.

Any behavior repeated over and over again gets so worn out and overdone until it becomes as stale as a three-day-old pile of shit that has lost its stink.

2. Beating bullies at their own game: Ignore and mock their insults, taunts, and worthless prattle.

Watch the bullies continue the same worn-out behaviors, making arses of themselves. They push a little harder and a little harder to get your attention. They may even use gaslighting to prompt you to get defensive.

Maybe they strategize and change tactics because what they’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. However, it store bores you to death because, again, you just don’t care.

Therefore, you no longer react to it. You only walk away chuckling and leave the bullies standing there with their mouths hung open.

Again, bullies don’t realize that, after so long doing the same old shenanigans, they eventually reduce their effectiveness and become a real yawn. Moreover, your bullies become so pathetic in your eyes that you can’t help but to shake your head in pity.

So, understand that here are two things bullies hate- being mocked and your refusal to submit or react to their childish taunts and threats.

3. Keep being yourself.

In other words, don’t let their childish behavior change you. Again, this takes re-framing your mindset to see their behavior as an indicator that there is something wrong with them and not you.

Therefore, relax, be yourself, and let the haters hate.

4. Beating bullies at their own game: Keep taking care of yourself.

Put simpler, keep doing the things fulfill you and creating the life you desire. Practicing self-care is of the most importance when people bully you.

Eat right, exercise, take care of your physical and mental health.

The key here is to create your own happiness and well-being.

5. Focus on and take care of the people you love and who love you.

Instead of focusing on the people who could care less about you and want to see you suffer, focus on the people who love you and who lift you up. Usually, these people are your closest family members and friends.

Moreover, realize that those who don’t see your worth shouldn’t live in your head rent free. So, promptly evict them because they aren’t worthy of one ounce of your energy.

Also, work to create happy moments with these people because they love you and want nothing but the very best for you. Attend family gatherings or host them. Take trips with these wonderful souls. Stay connected with your people.

6. Beating bullies at their own game: Pursue your dreams and aspirations.

Work on your goals and focus on the things you wish to accomplish. This is, by far, the best way to handle bullies. Why? Because when you keep your mind on your goals and dreams, you’ll have no time to think about your bullies.

And, if you don’t think about them, they can’t control you. Heck, they can’t even phase you. And that’s a win for you and a loss for them. Remember that bullies try to get your attention. This is the best way to avoid giving it to them.

7. Get out and enjoy nature.

In other words, go for a walk in the woods. Or, you can go to the park and read a good book on a beautiful fall day. Whatever you love to do outdoors, whether it’s lying on the beach or walking your dog on a walking trail, get outside and enjoy nature.

It’s the best way to recharge, relax, and unwind. Also, it drives away depression because it releases endorphins. Moreover, it gives you lots of vitamin D3 from the sun!

8. Learn new things.

In other words, read, write, and look for lessons life can teach you. The point is not to let yourself stagnate. If you’re not learning new things, you stagnate very easily and that only brings depression.

Therefore, always take the opportunity to learn new things. For example, you could take a course or go to the library and check out a good self-help book to read. Whatever way you choose to learn, always strive to acquire new knowledge.

Your mental health will thank you! I guarantee it!

9. Pay them no mind and keep doing you.

When you focus on and do you, it frustrates and annoys bullies because you’re focusing on yourself and your goals and not them. Also, you are no longer being subjugated by your bullies, and that really tears them up inside.

Moreover, once things reach this point, they usually give up and go find another target because if something is no longer working, you change tactics. And if nothing seems to work, you run out of fortitude and give up.

Therefore, realize that it’s about self. The key is to stop focusing outward and start focusing inward. In other words, work on yourself. Why? Because, as stated earlier, when you’re too busy working on yourself, your bullies become irrelevant very quickly. As they should.

Realize that the reason bullies act the way that they do is because they have no lives. Moreover, they have no control over their own lives. Therefore, they try to take control over yours. Bullies truly are the most miserable of humans on earth. And once you realize this proven fact, they will no longer be an issue.

This is how you beat bullies at their own game!

This post was all about beating bullies at their own game so that you can finally take back your peace and therefore, control over your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

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Do you want to know why fake friends stick around even though they can’t stand you? You’ve probably wondered that if they despise you so much, why they don’t just go away and have nothing more to do with you. Here are several motives that keep them coming.

why fake friends stick around

Fake friends secretly either don’t like you. They may even hate you and wish you nothing but harm and bad fortune. Yet, they continue hang around like a bad odor.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why they do this. As someone who’s been there and discovered the answers, I’m giving you all the must-know reasons to relieve you of any confusion you might have.

In this post, you will learn why fake friends stick around. You will get these answers in detail so that you can understand more clearly and take steps to protect yourself.

Once you learn about all their motives and intentions, you will then have the courage to stand up to these imposters and send them packing once and for all. Moreover, you will take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the reasons why fake friends stick around. The purpose of this post is to give you the courage to ditch these imposters and take back your peace.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

Everyone has fake friends. These are the people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. Moreover, this individuals desire to be in our circle and get close to us. But why?

If they hate us so much, why would they continue to hang around? Why do they seem to want to stay right under us all the time? It’s like these people want to literally attach themselves to us and never let go! Yikes!

These are the people who slither their way into our lives only to end up betraying us later.

Here are the reasons why fake friends stick around:

1. To watch you closely.

You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy. Therefore, they do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends.

Therefore, fake friends stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine. Why? So they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

For example, undercover cops infiltrate drug rings so that they bust them and take them down later. Fake friends are no different.

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, you know that the most fundamental rule is to “Know your enemy.”

2. To win your trust.

They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets.

Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes. Also, you’ll and show your less than desirable emotions around them.  And why not? If the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

In other words, this person will watch the target closely, then establish good rapport with them. Then develop a close friendship with them to lower any apprehension the person might have had in the initial stages.

On the other hand, if the person is a fake friend, you unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: To watch you fail.

Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something.

They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

However, if you ever succeed at something, especially if it’s something big, you will see their true colors come shining through.

For example, if you accomplish something huge, like making the NYT Bestseller list or winning the lottery, watch the masks fall off. These posers will suddenly give you the cold shoulder. They may even lash out at you, accusing you of thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Also, they might accuse you of having connections who helped you reach success, or worse! Cheating your way to victory!

It will hurt, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll know exactly who these people are and you’ll know what to do with this trash.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams.

Why? Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends.

That’s what hurts the most and can be devastating.

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Moreover, what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust.

You not only feel violated, you feel like a complete idiot for allowing the person into your life, to begin with. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Feeling that you, in a sense, allowed it to happen.

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around is To feel superior.

Think about it. By continuing to put up with fake friends, you’ve lowered your standards and they know it.

Understand that, in a fake friendship, the entire friend relationship is based on conditions. Also, these types of friendships are one-sided. It’s about what you can do for them.

Therefore, they’re getting all the benefits of the friendship and you’re getting zero! To continue clinging to this type of friendship suggests to the other person that you’re inferior.

Also, it means that you’re so desperate for friends that you’ll willing to eat shit just to keep from being alone.

And you’ve got to admit. It’s pathetic! Therefore, stop doing things that are beneath you and holding on to friendships that aren’t good for you.

Know that you’re better than that. And you deserve much better!

Again, remember that for them to be superior requires you to be inferior.

6. You convenience them somehow.

Many fake friends continue to hang around because of the conveniences you bring to the friendship. For example, you let your friend girl barrow your favorite sweater only for her not to return it.

Another example would be that you help them move their things when they get kicked out of their apartment for failure to pay rent. However, when you have to move because of a bad break-up or divorce, they never show up.

However, once you figure this person out, it’s GAME OVER!

Now’s the time to cut off any benefits this creep may have gotten from you and end the friendship right then and there.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself.

When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away the fakers. These are people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because they would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them.

Why? Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt.  Also, it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you. Even worse, even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit.

Therefore, it’s better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

2. Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, than ever! Most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want and let people see the real, authentic you. If people around you don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind, that’s your clue to ditch and switch!

It’s true that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days.

Therefore, when people resort to ad hominem attacks when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the fakes and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life! In cases like this, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds!

Always remember that!

This post was all about the reasons why fake friends stick around to embolden you to ditch them, raise your standards, and choose people who are real friends.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?