Tag: bullies

bullies

outsmarting bullies at work

Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways that Expose Them

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‘Want to know all about outsmarting bullies so you can expose them in less obvious ways? Here are all the details you need to know about.

outsmarting bullies

You can outsmart a bully. However, sometimes, you must think outside the box and get creative to do it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways of outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them without looking like you’re exposing them.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to draw your bullies out in the open and protect yourself from them.

Outsmarting Bullies

Sometimes, you must outfox them by drawing them out in the open. For instance, many bullies will pretend to be your friend just so they can get close enough to subtly attack you.

Let’s explain further.

1. To Draw Fake People Out into the Open, Make yourself Appear Weak and Powerless.

You may think you know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to you. However, most people aren’t who they make you think they are.

Therefore, in life, there will be fakers and imposter. There will be people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends.

These people will latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they’ll get close enough to you to figure out everything about you.

They’ll find all your soft spots. In fact, they’ll ferret out your  intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams.

Once they have all these thing about you, they’ll will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Moreover, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Drawing  an enemy out requires unshakeable confidence.

What do I mean by this? Here it is.

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks.

This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person in your life.

‘You see? When people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. Therefore, to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all.

In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much safer to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated. Moreover, it feels bad when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. However, trust me on this.

Outsmarting Bullies:

You never find out who people really are until you’re at your lowest point.

Only when you’re at your lowest do you find out who’s really in your corner.

So, again, if you can make everyone think that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves. Moreover, some will be people you’d never expect.

And you don’t realize who your enemies are until the shit hits the fan.

Any time you appear at your weakest, not only will your enemies reveal themselves, they’ll be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly!

Why will these people will be so open with their dirt? It’s because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

However, realize that this is the only way you can get rid of all the dead weight. You do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully.

Therefore, if you do this right, you can ensure your peace of mind in the future. In that, you can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals.

More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

Therefore, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, make yourself appear weak and down and out. Then watch what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Moreover, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are.

You’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of history.

2. Fake a surrender to bullies to trick them into leaving you alone.

Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes! Or, at least, make it look like you’re surrendering to them!

In life, there are times when you should pick and choose our battles. In other words, you must decide when to fight back and when to leave well enough alone.

This is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful. Why? Because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll throw them off balance.

Moreover, you’ll enrage them because they were looking for a fight and they were so sure they’d get one. But they didn’t get it.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Don’t fight a battle you can’t win.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you make it look like you surrender, you give yourself time to recuperate and subtly torture and irritate your bullies.

You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. You can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies aren’t so strong.

Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

Therefore, you don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency. You do it to fool them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies continually try to show dominance and superiority. Therefore, if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them for the time being satisfies them. Moreover, it makes them feel powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction.

And they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

3. Bait and trigger your bullies.

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. In other words, play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited.

Get your bullies to react to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness allows you to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

Outsmarting Bullies:

Lure your bullies to your territory or to neutral ground.

When you get your bullies to come for you, always get them on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get them on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive. Why? Because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary. Do this especially if they’re so pissed off at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.”

Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

Moreover, the angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you. Also, the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose. And you’ll lead them right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution.

If you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won. To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

Weaponize Your Bullies’ Triggers

The trick is to use your bullies’ tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

I know this isn’t a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Outsmarting Bullies:

So, how do you weaponize your bullies’ triggers?

1. Get them in public.

In other words, get them in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them.

Bait them into a reaction. Then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others they have bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bullies).

Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed has a way of getting under their skin.

Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when all their victims unite and form a group!

This really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch you when you’re alone.

However, when a group of target victims ban together, the bullies feel threatened. Why? Because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

This post is all about outsmarting bullies so that you can expose them for the creeps they are and, at the same time, protect yourself from them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

Set Your Own Standards: Never Conform to a Bully’s.

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‘Want to know how to set your own standards and how to keep from conforming to a bully’s standards? Here’s all the information you need to know about.

set your own standards

A bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, or what you have; bullies will always move the goalposts. So, what do you do?

In this post, you will learn why it’s always best to set your own standards. Also, you’ll learn to never try to live up to a bully’s standards.

Once you learn all about these facts, you will no longer waste your time and energy tying to reach your bullies’ cookie-cutter versions of perfection. Instead you will be confident in your own way of life.

This post is all about the reasons you should set your own standards so that you will be yourself and be confident about refusing to follow anyone else’s lead.

Set Your Own Standards

Bullies change the rules just to find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

Don’t change the way you dress, your interests, etc.

Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress.

Moreover, it’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

‘Want to know what it’s about?

Its about power and control.

It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself.  Also, it’s about taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Therefore, don’t give them that power.

Set Your Own Standards:

Don’t change your personality.

We all have quirks. Therefore, never change your personality. Continue to be yourself.

Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking.

So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval. And you know what?

You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you.

Therefore, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do. Realize that you’re a separate person from them.

Always remember that.

When Bullies Move the Goalposts

Understand that bullies will always judge you and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation.

You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something wrong. Moreover, just your mere presence alone will invoke their judgements and attacks.

But know this. The negative suggestions and personal attacks they hurl are strictly to control you. That’s right. They insult you to control you.

Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more. Also, those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will not be happy with you. And they won’t accept you, no matter what you do.

Any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

Set Your Own Standards:

Remember! It’s all About Control!

How many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you willing to make before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift and bend yourself into a pretzel?

What’s it going to take before you realize that conforming and adapting to their standards of who you should be will never yield the desired results?

You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Why? Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will only see you as an easy person and lose respect for you. The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you in the future.

In other words, you teach people how to treat you by what you do or don’t put up with. And when you conform to the standards of others, you only discard your own standards.

Be Yourself in Every Way!

Isn’t it time you lived up to your own? Isn’t it time you begin living life on your own terms instead of someone else’s?

Your choices, your likes, your preferences, your pleasures, and your happiness should never depend on the permission of another.

Therefore, you must always be yourself. This means that you must have your own opinions, likes, dislikes, and preferences.

Also, you must do the things you love most, no matter what others think. Be yourself in every way!

Set Your Own Standards:

Whose Life Are You Living? Yours or Theirs?

Uh-oh! Here they go again! It seems that every time you as much as blink, someone else has got their honker in your business.

They’re always telling you how you ought to do things. Always dictating how you should act! These creeps even tell you how you should live your life!

These chumps! They have the chutzpah to think they can make your decisions for you. But, let’s face it, the world is full of nosy people.

If you are a target of bullying, you will have others trying to invade your life. Your personal business, and your boundaries are fair game.

And let me tell you, when it seems that no one will let you lead your own life in peace, life can go from enjoyable to unbearable real quick. This is why you must be assertive in cases like this.

Understand that you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t even try to.

You don’t mind because they don’t matter.

Put simply, the only ones you must live your life for is God, your family, your closest and most trusted friends, and yourself.

Too many people care what the wrong people think of them. The wrong people! In other words, bullies, toxic people and those they don’t like!

Realize that you aren’t living their life, you’re living yours. Therefore, you must make decisions that best fit the situations and circumstances surrounding your life.

Set Your Own Standards:

You must do what’s best for you, not what’s best for them!

You must do what’s best for you, not what’s best for them, or, rather, what others want you to do. Half the time, they don’t even know what they want nor what’s best for them.

So, how can they claim to know what’s best for you if they haven’t a clue what’s best for their own lives?

You must do what makes you healthier, what makes you feel good, and what makes you whole. You must do what fulfills you, not other people. Don’t worry about them.

It’s up to them to make their lives easier and pleasant. It’s not your responsibility. Just the same, it’s up to you to make your life better, it’s not their place to do it.

There will always be others who want to insert their two cents where it isn’t needed.  And they’ll be downright abusive about it. They’ll attempt to order you around or deride you over your life-decisions.

You must open your mouth and tell these creeps where to shove it.

There will be those who will try to run your life and you should be prepared for it. But know that when they do this, they’re stepping out of their place. And you have every right to tell them to go kick rocks.

The old, popular 1990’s idiom, “All up in your koolaid and don’t know the flavor” wasn’t coined for nothing. And the sad thing is that most people don’t bother to lend a hand but they’re real quick to point a finger.

Understand that we each have responsibility over our own lives. Therefore, stop trying to spare the feelings of those who insist on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Tell these people to keep their snouts out of your business. Your life is yours to lead, no one else’s. So, stop worrying about what others think and say of you.

They may not like the way you live or think, but that’s their problem, not yours. Your life and the life-choices you make are no one’s business but yours.

So, tell them to kiss your ass and take your power back!

This post is all about why you should set your own standards instead of conforming to a bully’s so that you can take back your power and your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Psychological Conditioning

2. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

3. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

bullying and gaslighting at work

Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

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‘Want to know about bullying and gaslighting and the different ways bullies may gaslight you? Here are all the important things you need to know.

bullying and gaslighting

Bullying is bad enough. However, when you top it off with gaslighting, it only victimizes you over and over again. You don’t have to put up with it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and gaslighting and seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can use these gaslighting phrases and tactics to protect yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be a warrior against any gaslighting some creep tries with you.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting. It gives you the seven most common ways bullies gaslight you so that you can successfully push back against it and save your self-esteem from being torn to shreds.

Bullying and Gaslighting

Before we get into the different ways bullies gaslight you, let’s first discuss exactly what bullies do when they gaslight you. So, what is the definition of gaslight?

Gaslight- to psychologically manipulate someone into doubting their own perception of reality.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects you as their intended target, they will start out subtly. Then, they will slowly increase the severity of their abuse.

Moreover, they will do everything possible to maintain that power. And how they maintain power is to gaslight you, once you begin defending yourself.

Understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at your expense. Abusing you gives them that psychological reward.

And that reward is the rush of power and a sense of authority and control they get at your expense.

Psychological Rewards of Bullying.

We just mentioned some of the rewards – power, control, dominance, and a sense of authority. However, what are other psychological rewards bullies get from bullying you?

When bullies bully you, others also reward them with attention, high social status and promotions.

 Therefore, again, bullies will fight like the devil to keep those benefits. Moreover, if you speak out and shed light on their behavior, that’s when the gaslighting begins.

Bullying and Gaslighting:

How Gaslighting Starts

When you begin noticing that your bullies are abusing you, you’ll likely report it. Moreover, you’re also likely to begin standing up to them.

And once you start rocking the boat, your bullies will become angry and afraid. Why? Because you become a threat to their power.

Therefore, the bullies only increase the abuse to subdue you. But that’s not all. Your bullies also want to punish you.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by psychological and emotional abuse. This involves, gaslighting. However, it also includes brainwashing to dis-empower you.

Realize that they use these methods because this type of bullying leaves no visible evidence. Therefore, it’s much easier for them to deny it.

7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

1. Persistent lying

Bullies tell vague lies, trying to make you believe that you that you are defective somehow. Also, they may try to convince you that you deserve the mistreatment.

I say, vague lies because, if you notice, they never tell you what your defect is. They also never tell you exactly what you did to deserve the abuse.

Moreover, bullies will spread lies about you to other people. They may tell them,

  • “He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”
  • “She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”
  • “She brought it all on herself!”

However, they’ll never, ever elaborate on any of those statements. And they won’t have to. Why? Because the people who hear these things will fill in the blanks.

They will most likely assume that you must have done something to deserve the abuse. Because, why would this person say such terrible things about you if you didn’t have it coming?

Bullying and Gaslighting:

What Your Bullies Will Say to You

  • “What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”
  • “I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”
  • “You’re just being (overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”
  • “Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!
  • “You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”
  • “You’re so (arrogant, ugly, etc.)!”
  • “Nobody will ever believe a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Understand that bullies deliberately repeat these lies to convince you that they’re right. Moreover, they repeat these lies for weeks, months, even years.

However, the constant repetition has a purpose! And that is to brainwash you and turn you against yourself. If your bullies get get you to see yourself through their eyes, then they can get everyone else to as well.

In other words, if you start to believe the bully’s lies, others will too.

As a result, you become riddled with confusion. Also, you may develop social anxiety and shame. Eventually, you’ll lose the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is all a strategy. And it’s designed to keep you under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Wearing you down and forcing you to agree with them.

Bullies continue to bully you. In fact, they intensify the bullying.  But, understand that they do this for a reason.

And that reason is to wear you down until you’re is so tired of having to fight. Standing up for yourself takes a lot of energy. It puts you in survival mode.

Being in survival mode for a long time only tires you out. It depletes you of energy. This is how your bullies weaken you and take the fight out of you.

If you aren’t careful, you’ll grow so tired you’ll likely give up. And once you give up, your bullies have you right where they want you.

As a result, you’ll shut down, grow numb to the abuse and surrender to the bullies.

3. Becoming Highly Aggressive When you Call Out the Abuse

Bullies may try to maintain power by become extremely aggressive. Understand that this is designed to make you afraid. If they can subdue you with fear, then you’re least likely to keep standing your ground.

Moreover, your bullies can continue to subjugate you and keep you quiet. It also allows them to escape accountability and clear the way for future attacks.

4. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Blaming and Shaming You

Bullies blame you to take the guilt away from themselves. Moreover, when you speak out about their abuse, they will shame you for opening your mouth.

They may call you a crybaby, a wuss, a whiner, or a tattle tale. However, whatever they call you, bullies do it to shame you into silence.

5. Isolating You (Divide and Conquer)

Bullies will try to isolate you through social aggression. They’ll spread rumors and lies about you. Also they may threaten and intimidate your friends and associates for having anything to do with you.

Understand that bullies pull this tactic to get your friends to stop talking to you. If they can impose a high penalty on your friends for associating with you, the more likely they are to turn their backs on you.

If they can do this, then they can cut you off from any support or protection you may otherwise receive.

Then, once you’re isolated, the bullies then move in for the kill and take the abuse to new heights.

But wait! Here’s another thing bullies may do.

If you express a desire to leave the environment (change schools or workplaces), the bullies may try to discourage you from leaving. Moreover, they’ll do it by convincing you that you won’t be treated any better anywhere else.

They may even try to block your transfer to cut off any means of escape.

6. Bullying and Gaslighting:

Trying to convince you that you need their approval to get along.

Bullies make themselves out to be superior. They’ll try to make you believe that you somehow need their approval. If bullies can make you depend on their permission, their power and control only increase.

Bullies do this by convincing you that they are the only ones who can better your situation. In other words, they want you to believe that only with their say so will you be able to make friends and enjoy positive relationships!

In that, they make you believe that you can’t find happiness and fulfillment unless they approve.

And they will tie conditions to that approval. In other words, the bullies will make you think you must submit to their every whim to get any approval.

And they will try to make you do things you don’t want to do, no matter how demeaning. However, understand that bullies don’t honor deals! Ever!

Therefore, they will never leave you alone! And they will never give you their seal of approval. You must realize that all this is only another ploy to assert domination!

7. Making Empty Promises

Bullies will make all kinds of empty promises to get you to submit to their wishes. However, bullies never keep promises.

  • “If you do this, I’ll go away quietly and leave you alone.”
  • “Do that for me and I’ll be your friend.”
  • “If you’d only do XYZ, I’ll make things easier for you.”

Don’t you believe any of it!

You must understand that you can never appease a bully. You might for the time being. However, They will always come back for more later.

Bullies will never go away. They only make empty promises to keep you under their control. Understand that bullies have an insatiable appetite for power.

Bullies are like bottomless pits. No matter what you do to please them, they’ll only continue the torment. Therefore, you must realize that no amount of abuse is ever enough for a bully.

Remember that bullies are addicted to power. Bullying is the only way they can get that power. Therefore, abusing you is like a drug to them and they can never get enough!

Bullying and Gaslighting:

So, How Do You Stop Bullies from Bullying You?

1. Keep standing up to them. Don’t back down!

Once you begin defending yourself against bullies, expect it to get worse before it gets better. Realize that when you start standing up for yourself, you will get a ton of resistance at first.

However, you must stay consistent! Don’t give up! Don’t give in! Consistency is key here!

The more they try to take you down, the more you push back until your bullies decide that you’re too much to handle. Then, once they get the message that messing with you comes at too great a cost, they’ll leave you alone and go find another victim.

This post is all about bullying and gaslighting so that you’ll know what to expect and continue standing up to bullies until they finally leave you alone for good!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms

2. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

hypocritical bullies at work

Hypocritical Bullies: Bullying and Hypocrisy Go Hand in Hand

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‘Want to know all about hypocritical bullies, what behaviors to look for and how to spot them? Here’s everything you need to know.

hypocritical bullies

Bullies really are hypocrites. They’re good at accusing you of the very bad deeds they do themselves. It’s funny, when you really think about it.

Therefore, in this post, you’ll learn all about hypocritical bullies and how to spot them so that you can point them out and avoid them to protect yourself from them.

Once you learn all about these red flags, you’ll know them just by watching them.

This post is all about hypocritical bullies so that you can spot them and beware of them.

Hypocritical bullies

Many Bullies Claim to be Christians

But are they really Christians? Are they, in fact, true Christians?

Sadly, many of your classmates or coworkers may have reputations as church-going people. They may go to church every Sunday. In fact, they may go every time the church doors open.

However, they may not act like Christians once they are away from the sanctuary. But, because of their reputations, they will get credibility they haven’t earned.

For example, at school, you may have group a girls who the teachers and principal dub as “the religious girls.” However, they’ll be just as nasty, if not worse, than the secular kids in the class.

This is not to say that all Christians are like this, because no, not all of them are. However, just as with any other religion, party, or group, there will always be wolves in sheep’s clothing among the flock.

Though over half of the people at work or school sit in a church pew on Sunday,  they’ll still bully you and a few others during the week. Moreover, if they aren’t necessarily bullies, they may join in with the bullies and mistreat you.

A few may not actively participate in the bullying but will stand back and watch the bullying. These people may either get entertainment from it, or pretend it isn’t happening. How Christian is that?

Just Because They Claim to be Christians Doesn’t Make it So.

These so-called Christian people may never bully you by cursing you out or beating you up. They’re too smart to make it that obvious.

However, they’ll sat back and snicker as they watch your bullies totally humiliate you. Also they’ll spiritually bully you.

For instance, they’ll tell you that you should, ”turn the other cheek.”  They’ll suggest that you submit to the bad treatment and if you don’t,  you’re going to hell.

Therefore, if this happens to you, ask them this. “What would you do if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you submit to it if it were happening to you?

Remember that the devil never comes in the form of a red man with horns and a pointy tail. He comes as an angel of light!

It’s bad enough when people who aren’t in the church target you for bullying. But when it’s those who claim to be Christians, it can be downright devastating.

Why? Because, just by virtue of being known as Christians, they will likely compel you to believe that you really are an evil person. Moreover, they’ll make you feel terrible about yourself.

Hypocritical bullies:

Judge Only by Actions, Not Affiliations.

If this ever happens to you, see them for who they really were- sanctimonious hypocrites.

Once you see your bullies exactly as they are, no amount of gaslighting will work on you. Any justification or rationalization of what they did will no longer have an effect on you.

Why? Because they’ll stand naked before you. And I thank the Lord for giving me this knowledge because it has given me so much confidence.

And confidence is freedom.

Again, none of us are perfect because we’re all human and humans sin every day. Christians are no exception to this. Moreover, I’ll be the first to admit that there were times and situations when I didn’t act very Christian.

I’m not afraid to own it. However, what I didn’t do was repeatedly use my faith as a weapon against someone who was already being horribly mistreated.

Anytime Christians use their faith to destroy another, they stoop to a special kind of evil and God will judge them the harshest.

I know for a fact that Jesus would have had my back. Also, He would have admonished them. And not only their persecution of a few others, but for their fake Christianity and sanctimony. Because true Christians will never use their faith and Christian platform to bully and destroy another human being.

Giving it a Name.

Therefore, if anyone claiming to be a person of God bullies you, they are not of God. There are names for people who use their faith to destroy your spirit. You can call them sanctimonious. Or you can look at them as hypocrites.

Knowing how to name these people is your power. It makes it so much easier for you to call it out. So, I urge you to see these people for who they are and name them accordingly.

They are not Christians. They’re only sanctimonious hypocrites.

Hypocritical Bullies:

Bullies Who Virtue Signal

Seasoned bullies are masters at virtue-signaling. In other words, they make themselves look like the angels they aren’t. Most bullies are expert virtue signalers.

 For example, I remember sitting in class, pregnant with my first child. I had also gotten married a few weeks before.

One of my bullies, we will call her Amy, told me I was still a sinner because I’d gotten pregnant before I had gotten married. Moreover, she made sure to blurt it out in front of everyone else.

However, what was funny was that she was one of those girls who slept around with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Not that I ever judged her for it because what she did on the weekends was nobody’s business but hers.

However, I saw this for what it was. She was projecting. This is what saved my self-esteem.

Amy went on. She also told me that my child was a bastard and would be better off dead than to have me for a mother. The last thing she said was that I should never be allowed to get married nor have kids.

With that said, know this. Any time a bully publicly passes judgement on you, they only do it to feel like they’re better than you.

Moreover, they do it to fool themselves, you, and everyone else. They want everyone to think that they’re above you on the totem pole of morals and decency.

The reason Amy called out my “lack of virtue” was to try and prove to everyone else that she had it. However, although no one said a word, I think they all knew who she really was and what her attack was all about.

Sadly, we see the same from many people today.

Hypocritical Bullies:

If you know who you are, there’s no need to prove anything.

If you know yourself and you know that you aren’t the label of the day, be it a “whore”, a racist, a conspiracy theorist, or a nut job; there’s no need to prove it.

Moreover, you won’t feel you have to attack anyone else, pander, or virtue signal. There’s no need to prove something that’s already there.

When you truly know yourself, you won’t feel you have to prove anything to anyone. Trying to is too much work. It’s a waste of your time and energy. You do not have to show others you have something if it’s something you already have.

If you feel you must bend over backwards to prove something to the rest of the world, it’s a sign of insecurity or guilt.  Therefore, if your conscience is clear, don’t ever feel like you have anything to prove. You don’t.

There will be times when people accuse you of being the bully

Sadly, we now live in a culture of fruit-bats who are so quick to cry “bully” anytime you listen to your intuition.

This will happen especially if you don’t feel comfortable around a particular person. Understand that just because you prefer not to be around someone doesn’t necessarily make you a bully.

You may have legitimate and justifiable reasons for it. Let’s face it, we like who we like and we dislike who we dislike.

For instance, if the person creeps you out, it may be your gut warning you that the person is dangerous. And if you don’t feel safe around someone, it’s best to stay away from them.

Moreover, if the person is toxic and constantly dogs your mood, it’s natural to avoid this person. No sensible and healthy human being would want to be around such a person.

However, be prepared for a few clueless others to throw the label of “bully” in your face.

Know that, anytime you sense that something is “off” about a certain person, you have every right to ensure your own safety. You not only have a right, but an obligation to yourself to steer clear of them.

 You have a right to protect yourself from creeps, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, grifters, and other nefarious people.

Hypocritical Bullies:

Hypocrites send these unspoken messages:

  • “Safety and protection for us but not for you.”
  • “It’s bad when you do it but it’s okay when we do it!”

Therefore, don’t let these types of people confuse you. Realize that you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone! See this for what it is. You’re being held to a double standard.

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone when you’re  trying to keep yourself safe. And if others unfairly criticize you for being uncomfortable around someone, then you should avoid them too.

Again, not wanting to be around someone isn’t bullying. You are not seeking to hurt them. You just want to keep yourself safe. It’s only bullying when you ignore someone for the sole purpose of harming them.

Parents Who Encourage Their Children to Bully Other People’s Children

Back in 2016, I saw a video, in which a young man was bullied by not only an adolescent girl but also her mother.

In the video, the young man is badly beaten by two, maybe three other boys, who were with the girl and her mother. They spotted the young man in a local park, stopped, and let the assailants out to attack him.

Also, by listening to the audio, I discovered that this mother was actually encouraging the bullies. She was cheering them on as they were viciously attacking him. Later, it was reported that the mother had been arrested.

Sadly, this was not the first video I’d seen of bullying involving a parent. I have watched many videos in the past twenty years…violent videos! Those in which the parent of the attacker actually egged on the altercation!

Hypocritical Bullies:

Adults who Bully Children

I have seen many news reports of parents arrested for attacking children on school buses, in city parks, and schoolyards for a perceived slight against their child.

Also, children and teens are also being cyber-bullied by not only their classroom bullies but the bullies’ parents as well. Just google the Megan Meier case and you will see how this precious child took her own life because she was being harassed online by not only her teenage bullies but by the mother of one of her bullies.

This type of behavior is horrible enough coming from young people but coming from parents, who should know better, it’s downright disgusting!

It amazes me how immature a good portion of today’s parents are. I have personally seen parents act as if they are still in high school. And it’s embarrassing, to say the least.

What embarrasses me the most is that the parents are of my generation!

These parents are no better than the bullies they are raising! They try to be their child’s BFF instead of being their parent. Most don’t teach good morals and values anymore. They don’t mind bullying other people’s children. However, they’re the first to holler when someone even ignores their little darling.

This is mostly the reason bullying is so prevalent today.

Why Some Parents Condone Bullying

Many parents encourage their child to bully other children because they have a deep-seated belief that being a bully is where it’s at. They think bullying is what it takes to move up the social hierarchy and be successful in life.

Also, they believe that keeping others down is key to being on top.

These parents believe that being popular and the toughest kid on the block is what life is all about. Also, I’ve seen parents who wanted to fight the bullied child’s parents because they spoke out.

Worse even, I’ve seen cases where the bully’s parents wanted to physically fight the young victim for daring to stand up to their bully child!

Again, the parents are mostly people in my age group and younger…thirties, forties, and fifties- old enough to have long ago known right from wrong!

Chance are that the parents were just as bad when they were in school. The bullying behaviors just passed from generation to generation.

Is it any wonder that bullying is so widespread?

One thing I cannot fathom is how an adult can insert themselves into kiddie confrontations. They bash the other child by calling them degrading names like they’re still in middle school. How do they resort to saw despicable acts and continue to keep a straight face?

How can people such as these bare to look in the mirror at themselves every day without turning ten shades of red? I just don’t get it. What is wrong with some of the parents of my generation?

Hypocritical Bullies:

Widespread bullying

Parents of this low caliber do not care about any other children than their own. They have no empathy whatsoever. In my opinion, people of this kind shouldn’t have children.

It’s sad that good, wholesome, strong parents are all but non-existent anymore. Those who actually love their child enough to call them out on bad behavior and enforce rules, are a dying breed.

Good parents are replaced by parents who encourage despicable behavior in their children. What will society and the world be like in another twenty years if we do not address this issue?

See these types of parents for who they are. They’re hypocritical bullies who don’t mind tormenting other people’s children. However, they’re the first to cry “bully” when others call their children out for bad behavior.

This post was all about hypocritical bullies, their behaviors, and how to spot them so that you can protect yourself from them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

4. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself

5. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

Standing Against Bullying: 3 Reasons It’s Worth the Risk

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‘Want to know all about standing against bullying and why it’s so worth the risk you may take? Here are all the facts you need to know about.

standing against bullying

Standing against bullying can be the difference between re-empowering yourself and living a life of independence or spending the rest of your life being subjugated by bullies.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of taking risks, facing conflict, and standing up to bullies so that you can change your life for the better.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will skyrocket  your chances of escaping victimhood and living a happier, more peaceful life, free of drama.

This post is all about standing against bullying to compel you to take a stand and take back your peace and your life.

Standing Against Bullying

Comfort zones don’t empower you, they keep you stuck. Therefore, you must take risks if you expect to grow and move forward. Standing against bullying, especially if it’s happening to you or a loved one, is one of those risks.

However, it’s worth it in the end and you will thank yourself.

Targets and victims must take risks.

Too many targets of bullying grow too paralyzed with fear to make a move and take control of their destinies. Their bullies and abusers have reprogrammed them to believe that, no matter how hard they try, they’ll always be losers and failures.

In other words, bullies train them to believe that, for others to accept them, they must always march in lockstep with the rest of society.  They must tread lightly and never rock the boat . And if they don’t walk carefully, emotional and physical brutality will be what’s in store for them.

I understand because I’ve been there. I remember the fear all too well.

In short, bullies teach their victims to take the path of least resistance and stay in their comfort zones. However, do you really live your best life when you choose this path instead of your own?

To see positive change in your life, you must take risks. Whether you’re working on achieving a short-term goal or chasing a dream you’ve had your whole life, you have to take risks.

It’s the same when you get rid of bullies/abusers and surround yourself with better people. It comes with a risk.

Standing against bullying:

To get something you never had, you must do things you’ve never done.

To get something you never had, you must do things you’ve never done. This can be scary. Any time you create something beautiful into your life, you’ll push through some birth pains first. It’s the only choice you have.

I took a risk when I decided to stand up to abuse. Moreover, I also took risks when I wrote and published my first book, “From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying.”

I knew it would be risky. Therefore, I prepared for it.

In doing both, I faced the possibility of failure. Also, I made many people angry. Moreover, I lost a lot of people I thought were friends.

However, that’s okay. Why? Because I look back now and realize that I really didn’t lose friends at all.

What I did was weed out the people I thought were friends. I got rid of the fakers, posers, and imposters who only pretended to be but were never friends in the first place.

I also knew that the book would be painful to write because it required that I relive the torment. However, I chose to push through the pain.

Understand that if you ever want to achieve something great, you must step out of your comfort zone. You must face the fear head-on.

Life is a gamble. Everything is chance. You can’t win the game if you don’t roll the dice.

When you really stop and think about it, you roll the dice when you do the most basic things in life. For example, you take a chance every time you walk out of your house.

 Moreover, when you get in the car to go to work every day, you also take a gamble. In life, risk is unavoidable. So why not take bigger risks and go after what you want?

Standing against Bullying:

Take the risk now or live with regret later.

Wouldn’t you much rather face the risk now than live with regret later?

Again, if people are bullying you, you must face the risks and stand up for yourself. Remember that your safety is your responsibility. Yours and no one else’s.

Moreover, you must realize that no one is coming to rescue you. Many people like to blame the school and teachers when bullies bully a kid in school. Moreover, they like to blame bosses and managers when an employee is bullied out of their job.

Know that I’m not giving these school officials and company big shots a free pass. Because they absolutely do have a responsibility for the safety of their students and employees.

However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Most people in authority could care less about those who are bullied. It’s a fact we all need to accept.

Therefore, you must be willing to risk it all. Why? Because the last thing you want is to wake up one morning- eighty years old and say, I woulda, shoulda, coulda done this or I woulda, shoulda, coulda done that.

As for me, I don’t want to have to say, “Oh no! If I’d only done this or that.” I don’t want to moan and groan, “I had this great idea five, ten, twenty, or thirty years ago and I didn’t act on it because I was too afraid.”

So, do it while you can. Be willing to accept the risk that goes with it.

It’s do or die time. Risk now or regret later!

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” – Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption

When you stand against bullying you risk conflict. Let’s discuss the reasons you shouldn’t fear conflict.

Standing against Bullying:

Reasons You Should Never Be Afraid of Conflict

Let’s face it. Conflict is a part of life and something we all encounter at many points in our lives. Sadly, many targets and survivors of bullying are deathly afraid of conflict.

Why? Because bullies have forced so much of it on them in the past. People just refused to let them be. Also, many targets and survivors are traumatized by the bullying they presently suffer or from past bullying.

Therefore, they haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have. Also, they don’t know their worth and the good they deserve. Not yet.

Many targets and survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Because of this, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, target’s cave in and give in to bullies to appease them just so they’ll shut the hell up and go away. And people get tired.

Bullies can be loud and demanding when they don’t get what they want. Remember, bullies are self-entitled and self-indulgent people.

Moreover, having to constantly listen to bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests can wear you out.

Therefore, you just want to scream, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!”

Standing Against Bullying:

It’s easy to grow exhausted When you constantly have to fight.

I can understand why targets and survivors end up this way. It’s because a person gets exhausted when they’re constantly have to battle.

When bullies torment you, realize that you’re fighting a power-struggle. Your autonomy, self-determination, personal power, safety, dignity, and your very right to exist hangs in the balance.

 Moreover, bullies are relentless. And they’ll do their best to wear you down. Your bullies hope that you grow weary. Moreover they know that all you want is for people to leave you alone and let you live in peace.

In short, you getting tired and giving up is exactly what your bullies are counting on. But don’t give up. You must continue to set boundaries.

And you must impose consequences on those who violate those boundaries!

What happens if you continue to avoid conflict?

If you go out of your way to avoid conflict, people will soon mistake you for being weak. Then, they’ll walk all over you.

Therefore, again, you must set and enforce boundaries. There are times when you must say no. Moreover, there are even times when you may have to show your ugly side to get your point across.

It’s crucial that you let people know that no means no and enough is enough.

This requires guts. It means you must step out of your comfort zone and take risks. You must risk hurting others’ feelings and making people angry. Also, you must risk people lashing out at and retaliating against you.

Moreover, you must also risk losing relationships. And no, none of it feels good.

You must stand up for yourself and that means facing conflict.

Think of it this way. If you’re a target of bullying, you’re going to face conflict no matter what. Why? Because other people will bring the conflict to you.

Hiding from it does no good because it will eventually find you. When you are a target of bullying, conflict is certain. It’s unavoidable.

Standing against bullying:

Run from conflict and you’ll be running from it for the rest of your life!

So, why not face it head on? Better yet, embrace it and stand up to people. Then, you can feel better about yourself later, knowing that you finally grew a spine and told them where to shove it.

You may face retaliation for it, but you would face it anyway because, right or wrong, bullies will always find some justification for attacking you.

With that said, here are 3 reasons standing up to your bullies is worth the risk.

1. You may earn respect.

If you stand up to your bullies and hurt them bad enough, they’ll never want to mess with you again. Therefore, you’ll finally earn their respect. As a result, they’ll leave you alone and go find someone else to bully.

2. Everyone else will respect you too.

Other people will either see or hear about the hurting you put on your bully. Therefore, they won’t want to screw with you either. Therefore, not only will your bullies leave you alone but everyone else will too.

When you have the self-respect to set boundaries, others will also respect you.

3. Standing against Bullying:

Even if your stand doesn’t change their behavior, you’ll feel better about yourself.

Just knowing that you told your bullies where they could stick it will make you feel proud. Remember the part in Karate Kid, where Mr. Miagi and Daniel are in the boat? Miagi is fishing and Daniel is standing on the stern, practicing his balance and karate moves.

Mr. Miagi says, “Win, lose, no matter. Give good fight, earn respect.”

It’s the same here. The trick is to make your bullies work to bring you down, whether it’s fist-fighting or verbal sparring. Make them work hard enough to wear them slap out!

They won’t want to mess with you. Why? Because they won’t want to have to work that hard ever again.

This post is all about Standing Against bullying, the risks you take when you make your stand, and why it’s worth it in the end so you’ll feel encouraged to stand up for yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes

5. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

incivility vs bullying at work

Incivility vs Bullying

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Incivility vs bullying. ‘Want to know the difference between the two? Here are the many ways they differ.

incivility vs bullyingMany people mistake incivility for bullying.

In the post, you will learn the difference of incivility vs bullying. Also, you’ll learn how to tell which is which.

Once you learn all this important information, you will be better able to see the difference when they happen. Moreover, you will know how to respond more appropriately.

This post is all about incivility vs bullying. Also, it teaches you the patterns and behaviors to look for in each so that you can more accurately call it out.

Incivility vs Bullying

In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rude and obnoxious. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Everyone deals with incivility but not everyone gets bullied.

Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and negative, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.

Therefore, when is hurtful behavior classified as bullying? How do we tell the difference between bullying and incivility?  Also, what is the difference between a jerk and a bully?

Before we go any further, let’s define bullying.

The Definition of Bullying

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening

(https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

Incivility vs Bullying:

The Misuse of the term “Bullying”

In today’s climate, people use the word, “bullying” too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.

In fact, many stick the label to anyone who says anything they don’t agree with. They often confuse bullying with anything someone says that they don’t like.

Therefore, we have a duty to give the proper definition of bullying. Moreover, we must learn to differentiate bullying from other forms of conflict.

All too often, people confuse bullying with:

  • Disagreements and truthful debates
  • Misunderstandings
  • Stubbornness
  • Incivility and jerky behavior

Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does anything they don’t like.

Sure. There are those who are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.

Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.

So, what are the differences of incivility vs bullying?

1. Bullying Requires a target Victim. Incivility Doesn’t.

Bullying requires a target! In other words, bullies single out one person to abuse.

Anyone, at any age, can fall victim to bullying. Also, there is evidence that suggests that child and teen targets are more likely to grow up to be bullied, adults. A few don’t, but most do.

Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t need a target. The uncivil person just has a rotten attitude and the behavior is random. In other words, the person is just a jerk and their meanness is aimed at everyone.

All bullies, regardless of age, deep down at their core, are cowards! A jerk just doesn’t care. Period.

Again, bullying requires a target victim. Take the victim out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist. Incivility, on the other hand, has no particular target person. An uncivil person is mean to anyone.

In other words, bullies target you specifically. People who are uncivil treat everyone like dirt, not just you.

2. Incivility vs Bullying:

Bullying is a pattern. Incivility Isn’t.

As mentioned in the last section, bullying is a pattern. It repeats itself over and over. Incivility, on the other hand, is sporadic.

In other words, bullies repeat the behavior against you. There’s a reason why bullies repeat their behavior. It’s to tear down your confidence and make you doubt your worth.

The repeated attacks serve to brainwash you and convince you that you have no value. Think about it. Tyrannical governments also brainwash their target people with repeated attacks.

Therefore, there’s a reason for the repetition. Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth. Repeat a behavior often enough and it becomes normalized. Bullying operates the same exact way.

On the other hand, Incivility isn’t repeated, especially against the same person. Again, jerks  direct their vicious attitudes toward all kinds of people.

3. Bullying Lasts a Long Period of Time.

  Not only do bullies repeat their attacks against the same individual or group. They also do it over a long period of time (usually from 3 weeks to several years). Therefore, it is relentless.

Bullying is long-term because it takes time to take the desired effect on the victim. In other words, targets of bullying don’t break down overnight. The breakdown is almost always a cumulative result of bullying.

Incivility, on the other hand, doesn’t last long at all. In fact, it only requires a one-time occurrence.

For example, you’re driving and you accidentally pull in front of someone.

They lay on the horn and scream, “Watch where the hell you’re going you moron!” That’s not bullying. It’s incivility.

4. Incivility vs Bullying:

Bullying is a Campaign with a goal. Incivility Has No Particular Goal.

Bullies often persuade others, even total strangers, to join in on tormenting you. They go around defaming you to anyone who’ll listen.

They do this to isolate you by lessening your chances of making new friends and destroying your existing relationships.

The goal of bullying is to isolate, demoralize, and destroy the target victim. Therefore, bullies start by employing smears to destroy the target’s good name and standing in a community.

Moreover, it can tear down their relationships, family, career, finances and businesses. Consequently, the cumulative result is that bullying ruins the target’s self-esteem and their life.

5. Bullying is personal.

As mentioned earlier, bullies require a target. Also, bullying requires an agenda and vendetta. Bullies will actively pursue you and make it their mission in life to destroy you.

Uncivil people, on the other hand, have no agenda nor vendetta. Therefore, they don’t care who you are or where you come from. They just have personalities that suck. These people are just jerks.

Jerks treat everyone in general, like dirt. Moreover, they only insult you because they don’t want you to bother them with anything.  They’ll never put in the time or effort to pursue anyone.

Jerks are equal opportunity dirt bags.

A jerk just doesn’t care about anyone. Period. This kind of person is just afraid you might want something from him. On the other hand, a bully wants something from YOU.

Examples of Incivility vs Bullying:

Jerky Behavior.

If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. That’s not bullying.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Bullying would be if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street. In other words, he’d have to repeat the behavior and continue to harass you.

Only then would this be a case of bullying. Why? Because the knucklehead would be using his size and height to intimidate you. Also, he’d be repeating the behavior every day.

Voicing an Opinion.

Kathy and Kelly live across the street from each other. Kelly asks Kathy what she thinks of her new next-door neighbor. Kathy answers, saying, “I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Kathy is not a bully. Is she highly opinionated? Yes. Is she an asshole? Probably. But she’s not necessarily a bully.

However, if Kathy continues this behavior for a length of time, then yes. She would be a bully. If she smears the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood to turn everyone against them, then you could call it bullying.

Incivility vs Bullying:

Arguments and debates.

If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying. This goes even if the argument is heated.

However, incivility becomes bullying when one of the arguers begins repeatedly calling the other names and shaming them because they don’t share their beliefs. Moreover, if the person continues to harass the other long after the debate is finished, then, yes, it’s bullying.

To protect yourself from being falsely labeled a bully, you must know what constitutes bullying and what doesn’t. Only then will you be able to distinguish between each and correct anyone who tries to stick you with that label.

And you will do it confidently.

THis post is all about the differences of incivility vs bullying so that you can better recognize the differences between the two and call out bullying when you see it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

2. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

3. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

false sense of power meaning

False Sense of Power: Real Power versus the Fake Power of Bullying

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‘Want to know about the false sense of power bullies have? Moreover, do you want to know about the two kinds of power and the difference between real power and fake power? Here are all the details you need to know about.

false sense of power

Most bullies have a false sense of power. In other words, they’re arrogant and think they have more power then they actually do. As Saul D Alinsky quoted in his book, “Rules for Radicals,”

“Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.”

In other words, bullies aren’t as powerful as they make you think they are. Much of your bullies’ power is mostly an illusion. Therefore, much of their power is fake.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the false sense of power. Moreover, you will learn the difference between real power and fake power. And thirdly, you’ll learn the difference between personal power and power over.

Once you learn all about these different types of power, you will feel more encouraged to stand up to your bullies and take your power back. Moreover, you’ll be compelled to expand your own power so that bullies will never bother you again.

This post is all about the false sense of power that bullies have so that it will prompt you to stand up to your bullies and take back your own power.

False Sense of Power

Real Power vs Fake Power

There is fake power and there is real power. It’s not the power bullies have. It’s the power they can make you think they have. Therefore, the power you think your bullies have is the power you give them.

Everyone knows that, deep down, at their very core, bullies are nothing but incompetent, sniveling cowards. Yet, they’re good at using force to get people to agree with them and submit to their whims.

Moreover, by using force, sometimes violence, bullies fool you into thinking you don’t have an ounce of power. However, when you allow people to hoodwink you into thinking that you are powerless, you give up your power.

Realize that the use of force is the only way bullies can have power. They draw their power by instilling terror in you. They cause you to fear their punishment. Therefore, the greater the power these bullies condition you to think they have, the more dangerous their abuse will be.

Additionally, bullies use the fear of retaliation to silence you and prevent you from telling others of their abuse. I’ll say it again, bullies are notorious for using fear and brute force to control you. However, that’s not real power.

Now, I can hear you. You are probably asking, “Well, what is real power?”

Real power is power that comes naturally and requires little effort. Here are the sources.

False Sense of Power:

Sources of Real Power (Personal Power)

1. Talents

Your natural talents and gifts are a source of real power. Why? Because you come by them naturally. Moreover, your talents give you confidence to display them.

Now, you may have talents you don’t know anything about. Therefore, if you don’t know you have them, you’re least likely to display them because you don’t know they’re there.

However, once you discover them, there’s where the power lies. And once you know you have certain talents, you’re more likely to use them to make the world a better place.

And when you can make people happy and relaxed with your talents, that’s when you have real power.

2. Emotional Intelligence (how you react to adversity)

How you react to adversity can also determine whether or not you have real power. Being able to stay calm in tough situations is a power all it’s own.

3. The right education

Knowledge is power. Period. Without knowledge, you have no power and will fall for anything. Moreover, with the right education, you’re likely to have better opportunities for great jobs. Not to mention, improved finances.

Knowledge and education are sources of real power because they are things that no one can take from you. Therefore, learn all you can!

4. False Sense of Power:

Knowing what others need and want

When you can pick up on others’ wants and needs, you have the ultimate social power. This is real power because you have the knowledge to help someone who’s in trouble. Moreover, you can also give those who are lonely a friend.

In that, you make the work a better place. Therefore, knowing others’ needs and wants is a source of real power.

5. Street smarts

Street smarts helps you to navigate difficult situations in everyday life. Moreover, when you’re street smart, you have emotional intelligence. Also, you’re able to keenly pick up on social cues and read people well.

This is real power. Why? Because people who are street smart are more likely to survive in dangerous situations.

6. Physical attractiveness

Let’s face it. Beauty is power. If you’re physically attractive, that’s a power all it’s own. Studies show that the physically attractive are more likely to get hired for good jobs and have great dating, mating, and child-bearing capabilities.

No, looks aren’t everything. In fact, you can be beautiful on the outside but ugly as hell on the inside. Moreover, many bullies are physically attractive. However, their characters suck!

Although, yes, physical attractiveness is real power, it can be used as an excuse to bully. Therefore, if you are physically attractive, make sure your personality matches your looks.

7. False Sense of Power:

Natural Charm

True charm can come natural or it can be learned and become natural. However you acquired it, if it isn’t superficial, you have a strong source of real power. Why? Because, with natural charm, you can put others at ease without trying.

Moreover, you can make them feel great about themselves. Now that’s what I call real power!

One quick note!

Bullies may also have any or all these sources of real power. However, they may use them for evil- to deceive and harm others. These bullies are the most dangerous.

False Sense of Power:

Sources of Fake Power (Power over)

1. Deception (keeping up an image)

Bullies are notorious for keeping up an impressive facade. However, understand that displaying a false persona takes work… consistent work! Therefore, this is fake power. Why?

Because you must constantly monitor yourself to keep this image of perfection. Moreover, your mask risks falling off because you’re likely to make mistakes. Then, your real personality will seep through.

Therefore, the power is fake.

2. Ultimatums

Ultimatums are sources of fake power. Why? Because they require you to use fear and force to get the other person to submit.

Moreover, there’s still no guarantee that the person will do what you want them to do. What if they’re the type who doesn’t respond to ultimatums or threats?

This is why ultimatums are sources of fake power.

3. Gaslighting

Gaslighting induces fear and self-doubt in it’s targets. Therefore, it is a form of force and coercion. Also, it’s requires consistency and hard work to keep the target under control.

Also, with the information on gaslighting that’s widely available today, the target has a chance of seeing through the mind games sooner or later. Therefore, it usually won’t last.

This is why gaslighting is a source of fake power.

4. False Sense of Power:

Bluffing

Most people know a bluff when they hear one. And some people will call a bully’s bluff. Therefore, bluffing is a source of fake power. Moreover, it is one of the weakest form of it.

5. Blocking of vital resources (food, water, money, jobs, housing, access to information, silencing of communication, money, etc.)

This is a form of fake power because this kind of power comes from coercion. Anytime a bully must use the threat of withholding bare necessities from someone to wield power over them, it’s not true power. Why? Because they’re making the person do what they want… against their will.

In other words, the person may submit but they’ll only do so for survival. Real power happens when people want to do what you want them to do. Not when you force them to.

6. Control of your thinking, words, actions, movement, etc.

This is called tyranny. Tyranny is never a source of real power. Power that comes from it is fake because, again, a tyrant forces people to obey against their will.

7. False Sense of Power:

Subjugation

Subjugation requires the use of brute force. Moreover, it demands that a bully must reinforce that power through threats and severe abuse.

Therefore, it is a source of fake power, not real power. Remember, real power comes when people are happy to do the thing you ask. In other words, the person has to be willing to fulfill a request.

With real power, there’s no need to subjugate the person by using the threat of harm.

8. Entrapment

Entrapment is fake power because the bully has the person in a place or situation they can’t escape from. For instance, let’s use the battered wife.

In many cases, the abused woman is afraid to leave or she can’t walk out on her abuser. Why? Because the abuser controls the finances. Therefore, the woman doesn’t have the funds to leave and start a life of her own.

Moreover, the abuser may threaten her life or the lives of her family. Therefore, she stays out of fear instead of her own will.

9. False Sense of Power:

Physical size and strength

This is a tricky one. Physical size and strength can be either true or fake power, depending on how a person uses it.

In other words, if a bully uses their physical size and strength to abuse, it’s not real power. Why, because no one willingly accepts abuse. They only do it under threat and coercion.

However, if a hero uses the same to rescue a baby from a burning building, then it’s real power.

10. Superficial charm

Fake can only produce fake. In other words, superficial charm is fake charm. Therefore, when you use it, you’re not getting others to comply because they want to. No.

You’re getting their cooperation through deception. Although the person may think they want to fulfill a bully’s request, if they knew the truth behind the mask, they wouldn’t want to.

Therefore, superficial charm is fake power because it, itself, is fake.

11. Position on a hierarchy (company boss, socialite, most popular kid in school, etc.)

This is another kind of power that can be either real or fake, depending on how the person uses it. If the authority member uses it for the good of everyone, then, it is real.

However, if the person uses it to do harm, then it is fake because, without that power, they wouldn’t even be a blip on most people’s radar!

Most people despise a person in authority who beats their chest and throws their weight around. Therefore, real power is when you can win hearts and minds. Being a bully doesn’t win a damn thing from people!

They may do what you want, but they’ll only do it begrudgingly. Also, a bully never knows when they just might lose that coveted position.

False Sense of Power:

the fruits of Fake power versus real power

Real power requires very little work. Whereas instilling fear and wielding force requires a lot of effort on the parts of the bullies.

Also, real power fosters trust. It makes people feel safe. While fake power violates trust and the safety and security of others. People feel threatened by fake power.

Real power is earned and acquired based on merit . Fake power is stolen and acquired by deception.

Real power comes from your innate gifts- things that can never be taken from you. Fake power comes from outer gifts, such as a high position in a company- things that can be taken from you anytime.

In short, the use of real power attracts people. The use of fake power only repels them.

Although others may seem to admire bullies, even worship them. However, they do so either because they’ve been deceived, to get something from them, or out of fear.

Fake power is superficial. And the flying monkeys and followers of a bully can evaporate so easily. I’ve seen the downfall of many a bully and the people who follow them immediately disappeared.

Therefore, you must see the bigger picture and ask yourself what sources bullies draw their power from and how they use it. You must ask yourself how much effort your bullies must expend to have the power they possess and what their motives and intentions are.

Train yourself to see behind their curtain. Most importantly, you must find ways to empower yourself without taking personal power from others.

This post is all about the false sense of power and the differences between real and fake power so that you can use this information to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

3. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

4. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

5. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

what do bullies fear most at work

What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

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‘What do bullies fear most,” you may wonder. You may even wonder if they have any fear at all. But, trust me, they are the biggest cowards of all. Here’s everything that frightens them the most so you can use it to your advantage.

what do bullies fear most

Bullies often put on an air of invincibility. They display false bravado and arrogance. However, we all know they’re the biggest cowards in the world!

In this post you will have all the answers to the question, “what do bullies fear most?”. This will prompt you to find ways to use it to your advantage.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information, you will be better able to counter bullying and bully-proof yourself.

Once you read this post, you’ll no longer wonder, “What do bullies fear most?”. These answers will be the arsenal you need to protect yourself against the onslaught of bullying.

What do Bullies Fear Most?

‘Ready? Let’s get right into it!

1. Being Exposed

Bullies get by only on appearances. The fronts they put up are only illusions and mirages. Moreover, without the facades they work so hard to maintain, they have no leg to stand on.

Therefore, the constant threat of exposure weighs heavily on them. Understand that the lives of bullies are filled with cracks that just might expose who they really are.

Think of these cracks as smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again. Bullies are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hots pots.

They have to bust ass to make sure these hot spots don’t ignite.

Also, they must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Bullies know that once their real personality seeps through, people will lose respect for them and they’ll lose power. And if they lose power, their mistreatment of others will come back to bite them in the ass… hard!

2. Looking Weak

Anytime you defend yourself, you become a threat to the bullies’ power. Why? Because you automatically put them in positions of weakness. This goes double if you confront them in public.

In other words, stand up to them in front of an audience, then you really make them look like punks. As a result, some bullies will retaliate to reinforce their dominance over you.

But wait, there’s another point here. When you make your bullies look weak by standing up to them, you just might start a new trend! You may embolden others others to stand up to the bullies too.

Ouch! Just the mere thought of this is painful to bullies!

Courage has a way of spreading and, once it spreads, the bully loses power. Bullies know this. Therefore, they double down by retaliating to re-enforce power.

3. What Do Bullies Fear Most?

Taking Risks

Bullies are highly insecure. Therefore, you’ll never see them take risks. They’re too cowardly.

Realize that bullies put up facades and bullshit their way through life. Again, they get by on appearances. That’s it!

Instead of taking risks and working hard to get ahead, they lie, cheat, steal, connive and scheme to do it.

4. Getting their Asses Kicked

This applies mostly to physical bullies who believe in using their fists to get what they want. Moreover, these types of bullies often believe that kicking ass is what makes a person tough and gets them respect and admiration.

Therefore, they fear running up on someone who’s a little tougher than them and getting their butts handed to them. Especially in front of people!

It’s not so much that they fear the physical pain of a good ass-whipping. It’s the humiliation and the blow to their ego that they fear most.

Moreover, they fear looking like weak little wusses. They also fear that once someone gives them a good beat down, it just may shatter their tough guy reputations and set their own asses up to be bullied.

5. What do Bullies Fear Most?

Being humiliated in public

None of us want humiliation. However, to bullies, being humiliated is the end of the world. Understand that bullies like to be A-1 best… at everything!

Moreover, they crave to be the center of attention and for all humans to worship the ground they walk on. If you humiliate them somehow, it threatens their god-like status and shatters their facade of invincibility.

They know that humiliation just might be the final nail in the coffin to their image of perfection. As a result, it may throw them of their pedestals in the eyes of everyone else.

Gasp!

And don’t think they won’t take revenge on you if you ever cause them to look bad.

6. Losing Their High Social Status

This goes especially for bullies who are popular. Their social capital is their power. Therefore, if they lose that, their power goes with it!

And they know it!

7. Losing Control over you

Bullies fear losing power over you. Why do you think they double down on their attacks when you finally begin standing up to them?

It’s because, anytime you defend yourself, your bullies feel that they’re losing the power battle. Or, they’re about to lose.

Therefore, the only way to discourage you from doing that again is to retaliate with greater force. Why? Again, because if you stand your ground and begin refusing their attempts to walk on you, you just might inspire others to do the same.

As a result, you might cause them to lose  all respect, status, and authority (power).

8. What Do Bullies Fear Most?

Looking foolish

Bullies have big egos. Therefore, they don’t only want to look tough or attractive, they also want to look smart. Again, bullies want to be the best at everything, or, at least, look like they are.

If you make a bully look like an idiot, whether it’s through a good response to their attacks or a dirty trick to embarrass them, they will retaliate with the fury of Satan.

Again, the bully’s facade is that of perfection. And if you shatter their false image, look out!

9. Being Alone

Bullies are like wolves. They usually run in packs.

Strength does come in numbers. Therefore, bullies are notorious for having an entourage behind them when they attack their victims.

A group of bullies always has a ringleader, or main bully. The ringleader keeps the other group members on standby not only to intimidate you but for protection in case you stand up to them.

You must realize that bullies are cowards. Therefore, they will never have the sack to fight alone.

Moreover, social science has proved that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone)they dislike. In other words, a group must have a common enemy they can all share a passionate hatred for.

And if members of the group do not feel they can get solidarity any other way, they will find or create an enemy they can all united against.

Therefore, they may single you out and harass you for purposes of group unity. If it’s the only way they can forge camaraderie among the other bullies in the group, than why not?

Put another way, they use you as a vehicle for interaction, ingratiation, and bonding.

Again, uniting against an enemy ensures group solidarity. Each member takes turns bullying you because they know that the rest of the pack expects them to.

Therefore they commit the harassment to ‘fit in’ and get rewards of group unity at your expense. Today, we call this “pack mentality” or “herd mentality.”

And sadly, most people will do anything, right or wrong, to follow the rest of the herd.

10. What Do Bullies Fear Most?

That you’ll outshine them

Understand that bullies are highly jealous people with fragile egos. Moreover, they feel threatened by anyone who outshines them in any way.

Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos. You must realize that bullies can’t handle any success of someone they deem inferior to them.

They’ll tune out anyone who brags on you for a success or accomplishment well done. They’ll downplay your achievements.

Why? Because, again, your success is a huge threat to their power. Your achievements put cracks in their superiority. They’ll do anything to block out anyone who gives you praise.

However, this is what bullies do. They put up mental walls to block any threatening messages and info. And they do this to keep anything from penetrating their grandiose sense of self-importance.

Moreover, they support those walls by hurling ugly names and insults at you.

Bullies won’t tolerate being overshadowed by a little peon like you. No. Never! So, if you ever score a huge win, expect your bullies to punish you for daring to upstage them.

Workplace bullies are notorious for bullying those who outshine them at work.

How you use your bullies’ fears to your advantage is to do the things they fear most. Speak out. Call them out on their behavior. Stand up to them and do it in public if you must. Find ways to weaponize your bullies’ worst fears!

This post gives you all the answers to the question, “What do Bullies Fear Most?” These answers allow you to have knowledge of the bully’s weaknesses so that you can weaponize them and use them to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

3. Cliques and Bullying: 3 Dirty Secrets Cliques Try to Hide

4. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

how to shut down a bully at school

How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

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‘Want to know how to shut down a bully? Here are all the powerful comebacks you need to know about.

how to shut down a bully

Bullies are forever coming up with ways to humiliate and torment you. This is why you must learn cognitive re-framing and protect your precious self-esteem from being battered.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to shut down a bully with these powerful (and humiliating) comebacks.

Once you learn all these game-changing counter-jabs, you will be able to better defend your confidence, you self-esteem, and your overall mental health from these confidence thieves. Moreover, you’ll make them think twice before they ever come for you again.

This post is all about how to shut down a bully so that you can counter anything they throw at you and protect your most valuable asset… your mental health.

How to Shut Down a Bully

In order to shut down bullying when it happens to you, you must first re-frame everything they throw at you. This is the first step in shutting down bullies.

Bullies will always have something negative to say. Therefore, stop thinking there’s something wrong with you. Maybe there’s something right with you.

Therefore, before we get to the comebacks, let’s first talk about using cognitive re-framing.

So, what is cognitive re-framing?

According to the VeryWellMind blog, it is “a technique use to shift your mindset so you’re able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective.”

There are several ways you can look at different types of bullying attacks. For example, lets talk about gossip, rumors, and trash talk.

6 Ways to look at it when Bullies Trash-Talk You

Here’s how you use cognitive re-framing:

1. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring.

And most people would rather be “bad” than boring.

Moreover, when people discuss you, it usually means that your life is a lot more interesting than theirs is. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be getting so many mentions, good or bad.

Think of it like this. You must be doing something right if people are mentioning you all the time. Therefore, realize that when they talk about you, they make you relevant.

2. How to Shut Down A Bully:

When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.

So, who’s really in control here? You are. Let’s explain a little more.

People only talk about things, events and people that interest them. Moreover, they will only talk about any of the three that they consider relevant.

Therefore, as mentioned earlier, they make you relevant and you interest them. It doesn’t matter whether you illicit good or bad feelings in them. What matters is that you make an impact on them.

That, in itself, is power! Especially if you don’t care enough about them to even mention them at all. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The point is that they may hate you but you could care less about them. Again, that’s such sweet power!

3. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying To or meaning to.

It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled with little effort. Moreover, you’re interesting enough for them to discuss but they’re not interesting enough for you to talk about.

Therefore, just go on about your day and let them talk. Because people like those aren’t worth your time.

4. How to Shut Down a Bully:

They must really admire you and want to be like you.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them. So, why should you give a damn. Again, let them talk.

5. It says more about them than it does about you.

It says if that they don’t have lives of their own. Again, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

You’re the winner here!

6. People who consistently talk bad about you really have an obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk? Why? Because some things don’t need a defense. This goes especially if the bullies are known for being gossips and troublemakers.

Therefore, just sit back, smile, and be quietly amused by the pettiness they display. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the gossip too.

Once you finally wise up and take this approach, you’ll be surprised at the results! Moreover, your only regret will be that you didn’t realize this earlier.

Attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

And now, for the comebacks you’ve been waiting for!

How to Shut Down a Bully:

11 Comebacks you can use to Shut Them Up and Shut them Down.

1. “The truth hurts sometimes.”

This phrase is brilliant because it does two things:

It infuriates bullies who try to gaslight you. Why? Because it acts as a proverbial boomerang and reverses the sting back onto them.

Moreover, it exposes your bully’s inability to handle the truth. This comeback can only work in your favor because your bullies’ anger and indignation will only further give them away.

Why? Because bullies don’t get emotional unless they’re afraid they’re losing control. And once they fear losing control, they begin feeling desperate. Always remember that.

2. “I Don’t See It That Way.”

This is a good comeback because you’re making it clear to the bully that you refuse to buy their bullshit.

Keep in mind that bullies want to make you doubt your own perceptions. In other words, they want you to think, “well, maybe he’s right. Maybe I did have it coming.”

No you did not! Remember that you’re not responsible for anyone’s behavior but yours. Your bullies’ behavior is a direct result of their choices, not yours.

3. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“Whatever.”

This little one-word response is so potent and powerful. It’s short and sweet, and it’s the perfect blow-off to any bully.

Why? Because it sends the message that you refuse to engage with them. Also, through that response alone, you communicate to your bullies that they’re a waste of your time. And really, they are!

Therefore, you end up taking the wind right out of their sails. Why? Because, your bullies are excepting a big reaction from you and when you blow them off with a “whatever,” you stun them.

Any time you calmly use this comeback, you send the message to bullies that they don’t hurt nor intimidate you, they only bore you. Ouch!

It’s very difficult to counter a response of, “Whatever.”

Moreover, another reason this little beauty of a response infuriates bullies so much is that there’s no way to counter it. It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking like fools.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look like they’re not very creative. Additionally, the bully will also look childish and corny.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-worded bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

Do it this way and you look calm, cool, and collected while making your bullies look defeated. Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue or to agree with their drivel.

4. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This really ticks off bullies because, just like the first comeback, it turns the tables on them. You send the unspoken message that you refuse to let their attacks shake you.

Using this sarcastic comeback isn’t an apology. It’s a dig. It shows the bully that you could care less about their feelings.

Also, it communicates to them that nothing they have to say is worth the effort you must put in to argue. Again, this is how you respond to a bully. They get no respect because they don’t give any.

5. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“that’s your opinion, not mine.”

This is a great comeback because it lets the bully know that their opinions don’t change yours. Moreover, it shows you could care less about what they think of you or what they have to say.

Bullies will seethe when you use this gem of a comeback. And you’ll come out feeling strong. I guarantee it!

6. “You have your reality and I have mine.”

Bullies are notorious for trying to undermine your reality and call your perception into question. Anytime you give your bullies this response, you tackle the problem up front.

Moreover, they get the message that you’re not one to be swayed from your perception. In other words, they’ll know instantly that you’re immune to any manipulative mind games they try to play.

And this is what you want so they’ll leave you alone and go find some other sucker to jerk around

7. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“How?” “When?” “Where?” or “Like What?”

What you are doing here is asking for details. Here, you come back at the bully with questions and they will absolutely hate that.

Bullies always avoid details. Why? Because when you ask questions, you change the focus from opinions and emotions to hard facts.

In other words, you force them to come up with hard evidence to back up their claim or argument. Most bullies won’t be able to counter this because they only speak from emotions rather than facts.

Ask a bully questions referring to context and evidence. Then, laugh as you watch them stutter and stammer, trying to come up with an intelligent-sounding answer.

Also, the bully may respond with things like, “Just forget it!” and storm off. However, realize that they do this because they can’t answer your questions.

So, again, laugh at them as they’re stomping away like an angry two-year-old.

8. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“You’ll get over it.”

This is the perfect response in lieu of a direct apology.

This may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, this response allows you to respond without accepting blame.

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Therefore, if you happen to have these two virtues, bullies will only steamroll you with it.

Moreover, this comment will more than likely rile your bullies’ emotions. Why? Because they’ll get the message that you don’t take them seriously.

Moreover, their outbursts of anger and indignation will expose them for who they really are. Therefore, respond without taking responsibility for their bad behavior and do it with power!

9. “Don’t worry. You’ll Live.”

This response is the same as number 8 but with a softer touch. Again, this deflects any gaslighting away from you and back to the bully. The “Don’t worry” part highlights the bully’s anger or upset emotional state while buffering you from the bully’s initial attack.

It’s one of the perfect verbal boomerangs that can force bullies to expose themselves. Why? Because most bullies will explode at this comeback even if it is a softer one.

The reason your bullies will get so upset is because they’ll get the message that you take their frantic whining with a grain of salt.

What bully wouldn’t flip out at a response like this? Remember that bullies want you to get emotional. Or, they want you to hang your head low and walk away. They want you to feel as if you wronged them somehow.

But don’t!

Instead, use these responses and pretty soon, no one will want to bully you. These responses worked for me and they can work for you too.

10. How to Shut Down a Bully:

“Oh, you finally found something funny to say?”

This is good to use when a bully tries to deliver a good burn in front of an audience. Not only does it let them know that they aren’t funny, but it also lets them know they didn’t phase you with that corny jab.

Therefore, the bully will least likely try anything like that again a second time.

11. “This is so Boring. Let me know when you’re done.”

This is a great comeback because it tells the bully that they don’t upset you, hurt you, or anger you. What it says is that they bore the hell out of you. Ouch!

This is a huge let-down to the bully because they last thing they want is to be told that they’re boring.

Therefore, they’ll likely decide that they’d be better off finding an easier target.

This post was all about how to shut down a bully so that you can bully-proof yourself and protect your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

4. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

5. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

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‘Want to know about bullying and power so that you can preserve your autonomy? Here are the two categories of power you need to be aware of so that you can prevent others from dis-empowering you.

bullying and power

It’s no secret that, for bullying to happen, there has to be a power imbalance because bullies don’t bully unless they know they’re more powerful.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying and power and the kinds of power bullies use to dominate and control you. Also, you’ll learn about the two main categories of power as well as the power bullies use. You will learn what each tactic entails so that you can keep yourself safe.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be better able to protect yourself from bullies who wish to strip you of your power. Moreover, you will be further compelled to defend and protect yourself against them.

This post is all about bullying and power to give you more knowledge of how bullies attempt to take your power away and lord it over. It’s also about the two main categories of power and what comes with it so that you can guard your personal power and protect it.

Bullying and Power

Everyone wants to have power. You, me, everyone. It’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is hell on earth. That’s why I say, everyone wants power, if only a little of it.

When a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. In essence, they are as a leaf being blown around in the wind.

They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them. And it’s a terrible way to live because, without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It would be the worst thing that could ever happen to you!

Therefore, typical people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments and achievements. They get power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

In other words, people who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs, family life, talents, finances, and physical health.  Therefore, it’s why people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day.

It’s also why they display their talents and gifts. Furthermore, it’s the reason they take pride in their families.

For instance, a mother gets her sense of power from her ability to create a good home for her babies. A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh.

Bullying and Power:

Getting this kind of power doesn’t require steamrolling other people

A singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice, through song. An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. And a student gets her sense of power through making exceptional grades, getting diplomas/degrees, and winning titles, such as Honor Roll or Summa Cum Laude.

Moreover, one thing they all have in common is that they do it without stepping on others. Therefore, understand that getting power this way doesn’t require hurting others and there are no winners and losers.

There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

1. Personal power

This is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path and to choose your own wants.

Moreover, it’s having the freedom to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you are already the director of your own life-movie.

Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

Here’s what personal power includes.

a. Bullying and Power:

autonomy

Autonomy is the freedom to make your own decisions and to do what you know is best for you. Also, it’s the power to decide your likes and dislikes and what you will and will not put up with.

B. Freedom

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course, but with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course.

You may have to take detours, and yes, you may have to take the long way to your destination. However, you know where you’re going, and you eventually get to where you want to go.

c. Peace of mind

You’re at peace with yourself and you trust yourself to make the right choices for yourself.

D. Confidence

You’re confident in yourself and in the decisions you make. Moreover, you aren’t afraid to take risks and to make hard decisions to get to where you want to go.

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because bullies are incompetent fools who have no intelligence (social or otherwise).

Bullying and Power:

Bullies cannot achieve personal power

They also have no sense of responsibility, no talent- no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Therefore, the only way bullies can achieve satisfaction, happiness, success, or self-actualization (power) is to inflict harm on others.

The only way they can achieve power in their jobs, families, finances, etc. is by steamrolling people. Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

2. Power over 

This type of power involves lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. Power over violates boundaries. It shows no respect nor regard.

Moreover, it seeks to oppress and block you from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom. In power over there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (you).

Power over is a zero-sum game. Always! Also, power over is against personal power and it only takes it away. Here’s all that it involves.

a. Coercion through threats and intimidation

For instance, physical bullies will force you to do things you don’t want to do by threatening bodily harm. In other words, they warn you that if you don’t do what they want you to do, they will “punch you in the face” or “beat the living hell out of you.”

These types of bullies will also try to frighten you through dirty looks and threatening gestures. Put another way, they’ll give you the death glare or pound their fist into the palm of their opposite hand while glaring at you.

Moreover, they may damage your property and steal your belongings.

Other types of threats and intimidation tactics include threatening to get you into trouble with friends, family, friends, school staff, or workplace management.

B. Bullying and power:

Humiliation

Bullies use humiliation by calling you names and ridiculing you in public. They can also take your personal belongings, such as sanitary napkins, birth control pills, or condoms and flash them around in public, then telling everyone they belong to you.

Bullies do this to shame and embarrass you. Moreover, they do it to make you look foolish in front of others. Humiliation, or the threat of it, is a powerful tool to control and dominate others and bullies know it.

c. Emotional bullying

Emotional bullying happens when bullies put you down to make you feel bad about yourself. This is a form of coercive control because the bully is trying to control your state of mind and the way you feel.

In other words, they manipulate your emotions.

Emotional bullying involves name-calling and giving you degrading nicknames. Moreover, it involves staring at you, giggling and laughing at you.

Even worse, it can involve triggering you by bringing up a past traumatic event that may have happened to you.

This could be an embarrassing mistake you made in the past or a past bullying incident you suffered. It could also be something as terrible as the death of a spouse or parent or a physical attack that nearly took your life.

Bullies will use these tactics when you refuse them. They’ll use emotional bullying as a way to wear you down and get you to cave into their demands.

Therefore, many victims of bullying give up, give in, and do what bullies want, if only to appease them. And, they do it hoping the bullies will leave them alone.

d. Bullying and Power:

Social Isolation

This involves using smear campaigns, rumors, and vicious gossip to tarnish your reputation. Also, it involves the silent treatment and punishing your friends and others who continue associating with you.

Bullies do these things to turn other people against you and thus, socially isolate you. Moreover, bullying your friends is a way to force your pals to eventually decide the cost of talking to you is too high.

E. Financial and Economic Abuse

This includes ruining your chances of employment by blackballing you. Also, bullies can make calls to different companies and tell lies about you. Or, they can use a past mistake you made to lessen the chances of them hiring you.

Bullies may even show up at your workplace and cause a big scene to get you terminated. Moreover, they may steal your money, hack into your back account, or steal your identity.

F. Legal abuse (Law-fare)

Bullies may file frivolous lawsuits or false charges against you to clean you out or get you arrested and thrown in jail. Understand that they do this to make your life a living nightmare and weigh you down in legal bills.

You must realize that these types of bullies don’t care so much about winning or losing the case. The process alone is the punishment. In other words, what they really want is to keep you fighting legal battles to drain your financial resources.

g. Bullying and Power:

Use social status or capital

High-status bullies will use their social status to lord it over you. They may treat you like a maidservant or errand-boy. Moreover, they may act as gatekeeper to church, school, workplace, or community social activities and functions.

h. Cyber-bullying, online harassment, and cyber-stalking

These bullies may flame you. You may ask, “What is flaming?” because there are still many who haven’t heard of it.

Flaming is sending incendiary, defamatory, harassing or threatening emails, IMs, text messages, or private messages on social media.

Moreover, they may also do this on message boards, forums, and chat rooms.

Bullies may also create duplicate social media accounts and claim to be you. They may then post porn, intimate information, or mean insulting things to your friends and followers to get them to delete and block you.

Worst case scenario, they may even hack your SM accounts and take them over to lock you out and post horrible things on your pages.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s so important that you begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free.

You will finally begin living instead of existing. Moreover, just knowing all the tactics bullies use will make all the difference!

This post is all about bullying and power. It’s also about 2 main types of power and components of each so that you can distinguish between the two and protect your personal power from those who wish to take it from you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

2. Non Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language Head to Toe

3. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

4. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

5. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

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‘Want to know the reasons bullies target quiet people? Here are all the reasons bullies bully the silent the most so that you can feel better about yourself if you’re an introvert people like to bully.

why bullies target quiet people

Bullies usually go after the people who are the quietest. But why?

In this post you will learn all the reasons bullies target the quiet ones the most. Moreover, if you’re an introvert who others like to bully, you will learn why your silence isn’t such a bad thing and can be a gift.

Once you learn all these important points, you will feel much better about yourself. Moreover, you will be compelled to use your silence as a means to expose your bullies.

This post is all about why bullies target quiet people so that you can feel good about your silence rather than see it as a defect.

Why Bullies Target Quiet People

Many times, it’s the quiet person who often gets targeted by bullies. So, why do bullies go after those who have little to say?

The silent types usually mind their own business. They have no need for attention, and they don’t bother anyone.

Quiet people don’t feel the need to be a part of a group to feel important. They work hard and stay out of the way. Therefore, again, why won’t bullies leave them alone?

There are several reasons:

1. Bullies presume quiet people to be weak and timid.

introverts who have low Self-Esteem.

Bullies can sniff out low self-esteem very quickly and from far off. In fact, they seem to have radars for it!

Low self-esteem is difficult to hide because it very subtly seeps out through your body language and your entire demeanor. Moreover, people with low self-esteem carry themselves complete different from those with healthy self-esteem.

They slouch when they sit or stand. Whereas, people with healthy self-esteem will hold their shoulders back and stand up straight.

Also those with low self-esteem tend to have downcast eyes and hold their heads down. On the other hand, confident people look up and ahead while holding their heads high and lengthening the neck.

Naturally, bullies take notice and, therefore, take full advantage!

Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

However, not all introverts have low self-esteem. Bullies often mistake Quiet Confidence for low self-esteem.

Most people are under the misguided belief that quiet people are afraid of conflict. Moreover, they think that the silent types are socially awkward misfits whom others have shot down in the past and are now using avoidance to play it safe.

But in reality, they have better things to do. In other words, these quiet people have no time for gossip and other meaningless chit-chats.

It’s true that many of the silent types do have low self-esteem. However, not all of them do. Therefore, bullies can mistakenly select introverts who often have quiet confidence.

Why? Because they mistake their reserved nature for low self-esteem. As a result, lots of bullies have ended up getting the shock of their lives. The quiet target often snaps and ends up kicking the bullies’ asses up between their shoulders.

Therefore, still waters run deep and bullies need to watch out when messing with the quiet ones. Because quiet people are unpredictable!

2. Bullies mistakenly believe they’re least likely to stand up for themselves.

Unfortunately, bullies think that because someone isn’t loud and obnoxious like they are, they won’t defend themselves when provoked. This is a fallacy. I’ve seen many bullies push silents too far and end up with a face-full of humble pie.

3. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Others mistake quiet people for being standoffish.

Bullies will presume that silents are stuck up and think they’re too good to speak. Moreover, bullies can’t stand it if there’s a possibility that someone is ignoring them.

Remember that bullies love attention and they’ll do anything to get it. Therefore, they target the quiet person to get a reaction out of them. Or, they’ll punish them for “being so stuck up.”

4. People think that the silent are sneaky and have something to hide.

Therefore, bullies will often target them to shake them up. They do this to make them slip up and accidentally reveal “whatever it is they’re hiding” out of nervousness.

Bullies often believe the stereotypes they’ve heard about people of few words:

  • “It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for!”
  • “The quiet ones are the most dangerous!”
  • “Watch out for the quiet ones!”

But wait! It goes much deeper.

5. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Quiet people intimidate bullies.

Only the bullies will never in this lifetime admit it! So, why would someone so silent be so intimidating to bullies?

It’s because bullies have no idea what to expect from them. Moreover, they have to work twice as hard to study and assess them to see if they’re easy targets.

6. Quiet people are unpredictable.

Therefore, this makes the quiet person a threat. Remember that bullies rely on a target’s predictability to bully effectively.

And if you can’t predict what a person’s next move is likely to be, that, in and of itself, can be very frightening. Moreover, if the person is the kind who’s stoic, all the more difficult it will be to “get their number.” In other words, the less you say, the harder others must work to figure you out.

Also, many bullies see the silence as a challenge and will rise to it by provoking the person to get a reaction.

7. Having little to say can keep bullies off balance.

Put simpler, if bullies can’t figure out where you stand on anything, where your hot buttons are, or your desires, likes, and dislikes, they have less fodder and ammo to use against you.

In other words, if they aren’t sure what gets you excited, ticks you off, or makes you nervous, they can’t control you so easily.

Also, because you don’t show your cards, bullies resent you for making them work so hard to pin them.

8. Why bullies Target Quiet People:

Quiet people expose bullies by staying- well, quiet!

Quiet people are very in tune with what goes on around them. They listen very deeply while those around them rattle off at the mouth, exposing everything about themselves.

As everyone knows, bullies are loud, obnoxious, and talk too much. In fact, most of them never shut up. Most targets are quiet, and yes, many are silent because of the fear bullies have instilled in them.

However, there are those targets who are quiet for a different reason. They know that you can’t observe as effectively when you’re too busy yapping.

Think about it. When you’re quiet, you’re watching people closely and listening very carefully to them. Your silence allows you to pick up on things that those with big mouths miss.

You watch, you listen, and you learn so much about your bullies and bystanders too. You watch their body language and you can do it without staring. In fact, you can use your peripheral vision and no one will suspect a thing from you.

You listen to their voices- tonality, pitch, the slightest quiver- and it tells you so much. Therefore, they always say that it’s the quiet ones you should watch out for.

In this case, they’re right! Because, on your silence, you can pick up everything and have people figured out in no time.

9. In their silence, quiet people terrify bullies.

They keep them under their control. Subconsciously, bullies know this, and it drives them nuts! Why? Because bullies can never tell what the silent types are thinking.

Remember that bullies are masters at reading people. However, the quiet person puts their people-reading skills to the test and bullies hate that!

10. Why Bullies Target Quiet People:

Bullies desire to know what others are thinking.

Again. Quiet people make bullies uncomfortable and their silence makes it difficult to guess their intentions. Therefore, bullies get frustrated when their people-reading skills don’t work like they have before.

11. Quiet people put bullies on the defensive.

Their answers are short and silences are long. Therefore, this automatically puts bullies on the defense. Why? Because the bullies assume the quiet person is getting short with them.

So, if you’re a silent person and a target of bullies, don’t let them shake you. Continue to play your cards close to the vest.

Realize that your lack of predictability is what protects you. You must understand that silence has a power all it’s own. Use it.

Silence really is Golden.

Understand that the quiet person may not be talking but trust me. They’re watching people, especially bullies, like a hawk and they’re listening.

In fact, they’re studying people’s every micro-expression. They’re analyzing every tiny detail in others’ movements and actions. Moreover, the silent person is assessing every little sound those around them make.

Quiet people are also constantly thinking and planning. So if you’re a bully, especially a loudmouth one, don’t underestimate them. Remember, “it’s the quiet ones you must watch out for.”

And if you’re a target, use your silence to figure out not only your bullies, but also the bystanders and those who claim to be your friends too.

Remember. Your silence can be a powerful weapon if you know how to use it.

This post was all about why bullies target quiet people so that, if you’re an introvert, you can feel good about your silence and use it to expose bullies and keep them on the back foot.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

2. How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

3. Family Bullying: 9 Powerful Tips to Buffer Yourself Peacefully

4. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

5. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

your bullies have enemies too

Bullies Have Enemies: 3 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage

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Did you know that your bullies have enemies too? ‘Want to know how to use it to your advantage? Here are ways you can do so.

bullies have enemies

Seasoned bullies have left a long trail of enemies behind them. Don’t believe me? Think about this. Bullies who have perfected their… ahem… craft have had plenty of practice. In fact, they’re had years of it.

There were many, many victims before you and there will be many more after you. That, you can count on. Bullies have hurt many people and destroyed a lot of lives. Therefore, you can bet that they have a treasure trove of enemies!

I say, treasure trove because it’s an advantage for you if you know how to use it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that your bullies have enemies.  Moreover, you’ll learn how to align with your bullies’ enemies, become friends with them, then leverage your new friends against them.

You’ll also learn how to get intelligence on your bullies to use as a weapon to protect yourself.

Once you learn these clever techniques, you will be able to not only garner support from those who’ve been in your shoes, but you’ll learn how to use commonality to make friends in the future. Moreover, you’ll learn how to benefit from strength in numbers and protect yourself against your bullies.

Bullies Have Enemies

Gossip runs rampant in small towns. Therefore, if you find yourself unfortunate enough to be a victim of bullies in a small town, gossip about your (perceived) transgressions has reached from city limits to city limits… at light speed.

However, take it from someone who has been there.

People talk smack about bullies too, only they don’t do it openly. Why? Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets.

Therefore, the talk is always in secret.

Believe me, you probably aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others.

However, because the others feel shame over being bullied, they, more than likely won’t admit to it.  Moreover, because bullies will never tell you if these other victims exist, you never hear about it.

Therefore, you mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on. Here’s how you use your bullies’ enemies against them.

1. Find out who your bullies’ enemies are and Befriend them.

This will be in your best interest if you’re a victim of bullying. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some really juicy tidbits about the lives of my bullies.

Moreover, most of the info I found out was some very embarrassing information!

The beauty of it is that I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

For example, Let’s say that one of your bullies is now a nurse, and you’re good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. They tell you that, “she is as incompetent as they come.”

Also, she has a big family secret. You live in the same town. Therefore, you know what that secret is.

Moreover, you know that, for years, your bully has bounced from one job to another. Her former employers either fired her or she quit when things didn’t go her way. Also, you know that she has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

Know that this information is telling. It instantly reveals the type of person your bully is. Therefore, you can use it as a weapon. Or you can use it to your advantage.

Bullies have Enemies:

Scenario 2.

 One of your friends, who is harassed by the same bully, tells you that the bully dropped out of high school. Your friend also tells you that she has ended up working as a waitress.

Or you may discover that she now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even.

Maybe years later, you find that several of your school bullies are incarcerated or have been. Also, maybe one was convicted of murder and another convicted of armed robbery, running guns, or possession of illegal substances.

Granted, it’s been years since you were in school, however, the benefit to these stories is that it makes you feel so much better about yourself. Why? Because you realize that your bullies weren’t so hot after all.

Moreover, knowing they’re been locked up and are criminals gives you a sense of justice. Moreover, it makes you feel better about yourself because you know you’re nothing like them.

Bullies have enemies:

Therefore I repeat: Befriend your bullies’ enemies.

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from the rest of the outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised at what you find out. It may be that your bullies get laughed at too. People are only careful who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! Realize that people such as these must work hard to maintain the facades they put on.

Moreover, the reason they give targets a difficult time is that targets don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

Therefore, ingratiate yourself into the good graces of the enemies of your bullies and you’ll get an ear-full every time you got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

So, make no mistake. Bullies have enemies…LOTS of them! However, they will never in a million years tell you about it.

They don’t want you to know that others disrespect them behind their backs. Why? Because it would shatter the image of perfection and invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

The Bully’s Facade

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head every day. That you’re just plain garbage.

Why? Because a bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serves to re-enforce any dislike you have for yourself after you’ve been bullied for so long.

Please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes to your great value and worth. In that, you open your eyes to the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on.

When you do this, I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

2. Bullies Have Enemies:

Listen for Any intimate details about them.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. But because the others more than likely won’t admit to being bullied and because bullies will never tell you if there are others, you never hear about it.

Therefore, you mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

3. Let it boost Your Self-esteem.

You don’t have to take the info and spread it or use it against them. All you have to do is just know about it and it will give your self-esteem a huge boost! Why?

Because any embarrassing details you find out about your bullies’ lives is confirmation that you aren’t so unlucky after all. Moreover, it let’s you know that, just maybe, your bullies have been projecting their own misery unto you.

And they’ve been doing it so that they can feel better about themselves.

I can’t stress this enough! If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are. Moreover, align yourself with them.

It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some really juicy tidbits about their lives…most of which is rather embarrassing information!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly after all.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Jones’s. Moreover, they work hard to make everyone think they have beaten the rat race.

 However, they’re failing miserably at it. Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

Take this route and you won’t feel so bad about yourself when your bullies attack your character. You’ll only laugh inside, knowing what you know about them.

This post was all about the fact that bullies have enemies so that you can use it to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

2. “You Ain’t Shit!” – 5 Reasons Why Bullies Tell You This

3. Instigation: 3 Ways Bullies Sow Discord Between You and Others

4. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

5. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

empowerment definition

Empowerment: 7 Things that Come with It

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‘Want to know everything that comes with empowerment? Here is everything you need to do to empower yourself against bullying and abuse.

empowerment

Empowerment from bullying is the best feeling ever and I say this from personal experience. However, it comes with some personal responsibility. Why do I say this? Again, it’s because of experience.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about empowerment and the responsibility that comes with it. This is so that you’ll know what to do to empower yourself against bullying.

Once you learn all this essential information, you will be more inclined to take the appropriate steps needed to empower yourself and overcome bullying and abuse.

This post is all about empowerment so that you know exactly what to do and the steps needed to get there.

Empowerment

Empowerment. What exactly does it mean and how do you get there? First off, empowerment takes a lot of responsibility. In other words, it takes patience and hard work.

Therefore, before you can empower yourself, you’ll need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility. Scary, huh? Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Here’s are 7 things that come with empowerment.

1. Read and Learn all about bullies and bullying.

In other words, do research on bullies and bullying. This means learning all about the mindsets and mentality of bullies.

Learn who they select as victims and why they select these particular people. Also, gain knowledge on the different types of bullies and bullying, the tactics they use, and what to expect from them in any given situation.

Moreover, you must learn what to do if anyone ever targets you for bullying. Learn how to document bullying and do your own investigation. Gain knowledge on the best ways to respond instead of reacting to bullying.

And lastly and most importantly, get abreast on all your bullies’ weaknesses and shortcomings. In other words, find out where their most vulnerable areas are and learn how to exploit them to protect yourself.

Read all you can about bullying. And when you read, you must also think about all the behaviors your bullies have displayed. Then, you can put two and two together.

And once you do, you will finally see the bullies for the pathetic cowards they are. Then, your self-esteem will soar!

2. Empowerment:

Stop Seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target!

Words have power. What you speak, you’re likely to become. Therefore, change your words and you will change your mindset.

Instead of referring to yourself as a bullying victim, begin saying that you’re a bullying target.

This is the first step in changing your mindset and getting out of victim-mode.  Not only must you learn about the mindsets of bullies, you must also learn about your own mindset as well.

Learn about the mindsets of victims and also the mentality of people who refuse to be victims. The key is to change your own way of thinking too.

Stop thinking of yourself as a victim and you’ll have more control over your life. Also, you’ll have the courage to make your own decisions, even if those decisions upset other people.

However, if you don’t get rid of that victim-attitude, you’ll only continue to allow your bullies to take away your power. Thus, you’ll remain dis-empowered.

As a result, you’ll least likely put in the work to reclaim your power.

3. Get to know your worth.

Knowing your worth means knowing your value as a human being. Moreover, it means knowing who you are and the good you deserve. And, more importantly, it means knowing what you do and don’t like and what you will and will not put up with.

Therefore, when you know your worth, you won’t settle for less than what you want. In other words, you won’t put up with abuse nor will you crawl behind anyone who doesn’t value you.

Instead, you’ll be picky who you associate with. You’ll be selective of your friends and romantic partners. Also, you’ll get rid of the creeps who disrespect you. And you’ll do it without so much as a shred of guilt.

Then your self-esteem will rise significantly.

4. Find your purpose.

Having a purpose is so empowering! However, it requires that you find out what that purpose is. Think back to those childhood inclinations and try to remember what your strongest inclination was.

Did you want to be a singer? A writer? This is one way to find it.

5. Empowerment.

Find your passion.

What do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite hobby? How might it help you to make the world a better place?

If you can answer these questions, then chances are, you’ve found your passion. Therefore, practice it. In fact, indulge in it!

Do what makes you happy and what make you feel alive!

6. Work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

If you do this, you’ll be too busy to worry about what people, especially bullies, think of you. You’ll also be too preoccupied with your own stuff to hate on your bullies.

You’ve got things to do! You don’t have time to worry about them! Moreover, you’ll be doing what fulfills you. Therefore, that is power in and of itself!

7. Love Yourself.

To love yourself is to accept yourself. And to accept yourself is to just be yourself! Therefore, when you love yourself, you don’t worry about who doesn’t. You can just relax and be.

That is also empowering!

Loving yourself also means setting boundaries, even with your bullies. Then, you must enforce those boundaries if anyone violates them. This is self-care. Loving yourself includes taking care of yourself.

Empowerment: It Won’t Come Easy!

 Finding your purpose and passion are wonderful ways to empower yourself. It gives you something to do that will take your mind off the bullying you suffer. Therefore, the bullying won’t have the effect on you that it will have if you only sit around and dwell on it.

However, it won’t come without resistance from those around you. Sadly, when we chose to follow our purpose, passion, goals, and dreams, it can induce jealousy and insecurity, especially in your bullies. Moreover, they will find ways to distract you from achieving your desired outcomes.

Also, getting knowledge of your bullies and of bullying can empower you. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do. And once you realize where bullying comes from and why bullies do it, it won’t have near the effort on your self-esteem that it once did.

Again, don’t think any of these steps won’t come with some resistance.

So, what are the things bullies and other people will do to get in your way?

1. They will fill you with doubt.

If there’s one thing you should remember, it’s this. Those who fill you with doubt also doubt themselves. When their own self-doubt holds them back, they will project it onto you and hold you back as well.

2. They won’t be as excited about your dreams as you are.

But don’t take it personally. Only a few people in your life will be as excited about your dreams as you and vise versa.

You will only be as excited about the dreams of those you love most and wish well. And bullies will laugh at your dreams. This is a fact of life.

Therefore, don’t let that kill your excitement and don’t let it stop you. Because, if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let their lack of enthusiasm discourage you.

3. Empowerment:

They may go a step further and discourage you.

Bullies may tell you that your goals or dreams aren’t worth pursuing. Maybe, they’ll tell you that you’ll only fail. This can inject fear in your mind and cause you to hesitate taking the first step to success.

Therefore, again don’t let them stop you! Keep going until you reach the finish line!

 Play Mind Games with Yourself If you have to.

Understand that bullies and others only discourage you based on their own failures and limitations. Their negativity comes from their own worldview. And their worldview is that of failure and disappointment.

In other words, their own limited self-beliefs stem from their own lack of success. Moreover, it comes from their observation of those around them who also failed to achieve their goals and dreams.

As a matter of fact, some discourage you because they’re afraid you’ll succeed. And, if you reach success, you might just force them to take stock of their own lack of accomplishment.

But others, who may indeed care about you, may call themselves trying to spare you from the heartache of failure. These are the people who mean well. However, they’re going about it the wrong way.

For example, let’s say you want to go into the music business and bullies are piling on a mountain of ridicule and disparagement.

Empowerment:

Here are some questions you will need to ask yourself.

  • Do these bullies know more about music than you do?
  • Do they understand you as a person? Have they even taken the time to do so?
  • Have they themselves worked hard and achieved any of their own goals and dreams?

If the answer is no, then you should give no consideration to anything they tell you. You must do what you love. In other words, you must follow your purpose and passion.

Otherwise, the desire to do so won’t have an outlet and will only grow. Also, the bullying you suffer will have more of a chance of getting under our skin.

You will only continue to squelch those desires, only for them to resurface. Or worse, you’ll end up living with regret.

Therefore, you must realize that people who are determined to stay in their comfort zones also want you to stay in yours.

Comfort Zones Only Keep You Stuck

Again realize that empowerment comes with personal responsibility. It comes with a ton of mind work and much re-framing. And when bullies are attacking you left and right, it can be extremely difficult to re-frame those attacks and keep that victim mentality from getting a grip on you.

However, if you want to keep your power and move toward a better life, you must refuse to call yourself a victim. Instead, call yourself a target. Because you are a target. But you don’t have to be a victim.

Also, double down in your efforts to reach your goals and dreams.

Empowerment:

The More Bullies Tighten Their Fists, The More Like Water You Become

In other words, you only run through their fingers and out of their hands. You have more power than you know. Your bullies cannot hold you. Why?

Because you only continue to flow over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only make you defiant or sneaky. As a result, you will find your way around them.

You must refuse to be controlled.

In other words, when your bullies try to silence you and prevent you from speaking against the abuse, you can find another way to communicate. You can choose to write about it instead.

And you do this by keeping a backup journal at home in case bullies steal your primary journal. Also, you can speak out through music and song or through artwork, such as drawings and paintings.

There are so many vehicles through which you can speak out.

Take advantage of the fact that your bullies are flawed humans just like you are. Also realize that they can never read you mind nor control your thoughts.

Other ways to get around your bullies

  • When your bullies trash your reputation at school, make friends outside that toxic school. Befriend kids who don’t attend your school.
  • If bullies have destroyed your chances of getting a date at school, date people from different schools and communities. If you’re eighteen and a senior in high school, date people who are in college.
  • If you’re old enough to have a driver’s license or work after school,  opportunities for an after school job in your community may be nil. However your attempts to get one in the next town will more than likely be successful and you can make many friends there.

Empowerment:

Speaking from my own experience

Here’s the miracle that happened twenty years later when I endured horrible rashes of cyber-bullying. Moreover, some of the attackers online were former schoolmates.

I handled the cyber-bullying with smarts and class. As a result, I ended up making many allies who came to my defense. Moreover, these were people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with them people today.

Yes, sometimes, things may look hopeless. However, they can turn out for the best.

Therefore, if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. So, do what you must do for self-preservation.

Dig those heels in, double down, and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands. Also, don’t give up! There’s always hope!

You must find ways to empower yourself. Also, realize that once you begin working on self-empowerment, the bullying may get worse before it gets better. But don’t stop working at it. Don’t give up or give in. The empowerment process is long but totally worth it in the end!

This post was all about empowerment, what comes with it, and the baby steps you must take to empower yourself from bullying.

1. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

toxic friend

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship (And How to Cut Ties)

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‘Want to know the 10 signs of a toxic friendship so that you can decide when it’s time to end it? Here are the signs you must recognize.

10 signs of a toxic friendship

Because bullies have caused others to turn against them through smear campaigns, most victims are friendless. Moreover, they stay that way for long periods, which is why many victims of bullying take up with unsavory people and end up in toxic friendships.

Having been there myself, I’m giving you the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that I’ve personally witnessed firsthand.

You will learn exactly what they are and what they look like so that you can cut ties before your so-called friends have a chance to do any lasting damage.

Once you learn all ten signs of a toxic relationship, you will be better prepared and ready to end the friendship and save yourself from any future heartbreak.

This post is all about the 10 signs of a toxic friendship that every victim of bullying should know about.

10 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

Many targets of bullying are bullied and excluded so severely for so long that they become desperate for any crumb of friendship. Notice I say, any crumb of friendship.

In fact, they’ll latch on to anything that even looks like friendship. However, looks can be deceiving.

Victims of bullying can very easily get in with the wrong people- people who only tolerate them. Moreover, these people will treat them like dog crap on the bottom of their shoe and leave them feeling even worse about themselves.

Fake friends often send mixed signals which leaves these victims confused. Therefore, they often stay in toxic friendships.

Sadly, these targets will do everything they can to hold onto these unhealthy friendships. Why? Because they feel they have no other options.

So, what are the signs that you’re friends with A toxic person?

1. Your friend turns hot and cold.

These types of people will be sweet as pie one day and mean as a snake the next. This quickly becomes a pattern.

Also, during their cold periods, they won’t tell you what’s wrong when you ask them. They’ll only continue the coldness and may seem like they’re angry at you for something.

However, see this for what it is. It’s a deliberate act to keep you confused and off balance. Moreover, it’s designed to manipulate you and keep you hanging up to them.

Yes, this happens in dating relationships but can also happen in friendships too.

Therefore, don’t let it confuse you. Realize that the person isn’t really a friend and you must drop this person and find better friends. Why? Because true friends never turn hot and cold toward you. They are as real as they come.

If a true friend is angry at you about something, they’ll tell you straight up. On the other hand, a fake friend will only lie to you or give you a vague answer to keep you confused.

You must understand that you deserve better friends. Anyone who plays these kinds of games doesn’t appreciate the value you bring. Therefore, they don’t deserve a seat at your table and it’s time to walk without looking back.

Before we go any further, I understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re targeted for bullying. I understand the feeling of being friendless and it sucks…royally!

However, with friends like those, you don’t need enemies. So, technically, you’re already lonely anyway. You can do just as bad by yourself.

 Therefore, you must ditch these creeps for your own mental health! You might have the courage to be alone for a little while. But sooner or later, better friends will come along. Give yourself a chance.

2. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. 

A true friend would respect your decisions, even if it is the decision not to join them in something. This goes especially when they ask to to do something that could be harmful to you or another person.

In fact, a true friend would never put you in harms way nor would they allow you to do anything illegal or harm another person. Therefore, this is your cue to ditch and switch, baby!

3. They never have your back when your bullies come for you.

This is a big one and it’s a deal breaker. If a so-called friend either disappears or throws you under the bus whenever you’re in trouble, it’s a surefire sign that this coward isn’t your friend.

Get rid of this wimp, fast! Do you really want to be friends with some spineless wuss-bag who disappears and can’t be found when the fit hits the shan?

4. They give you shabby treatment.

And when they do, they don’t seem to care how they hurt you. Again, you deserve better. Therefore, this should be a no-brainer. Show them the door…fast!

5. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend is constantly getting offended or mad at you and you don’t know what you did wrong. 

In other words, you are constantly having to apologize to for things you don’t know you did wrong, or aren’t guilty of. Moreover, you do it just to keep the peace.

Here’s another example. The friend wants to be with you when no one else is around. However, when others’ are around or you’re in public, it seems as if they don’t want anyone to see them with you.

Therefore, it’s time to give this person their walking papers.

Again, I understand that nobody wants to be alone. We’re human beings. Therefore, we’re all wired for human connection, togetherness, and belonging.

However, you can be just as lonely around a group of friends who don’t value you. So, if you’re going to be lonely anyway, at least have a darn good reason for it.

6. The friend seems possessive of you and wants to keep you all to herself.

This happens mostly with female friendships. She will get angry if she sees you talking to another friend of yours. Moreover, she may treat the other friend like a fifth wheel because she feels threatened by your friendship with the other girl.

If you have a friend like this, chances are that she will smother you with wanting to hang around…all the time. This isn’t good either. The last thing you want is a clingy friend. You have a life and she needs to get one.

Therefore, you have two choices. You can either tell her (and tell her with gently and with kindness) that you have other priorities too or continue to put up with her childishness.

If you tell her that you have other friends too and that doesn’t work, it’s time to pick a new friend who won’t hang on to you like static cling.

7. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

Your so-called friend discourages you when you tell them what your plans for the future are.

You tell your frenemy that you’re planning to cut a CD, or write a book and publish it. And he shoots you off your saddle by telling you in the most caring and concerned tone,

“I want to warn you before you get your hopes up because the last thing I want is to see you disappointed. Most singers and writers never get anywhere with their music and books. It’s hard to make it in that industry today.”

Granted this may be true, given that it’s very difficult to make it in both the music and publishing industries. However, your friend should at least encourage you and be proud of you for having the guts to try.

Because, who knows? You may be one of the lucky few who do make it. However, if you don’t even try, you won’t even have a chance of succeeding.

But be cautious with this one. Your friend may be saying this because he feels he needs to protect you from any future disappointment. However, most say these things because they see your potential and fear that you may actually succeed and leave them behind.

Only you can judge these things.

8. They ridicule you for having a goal or dream.

You dream of one day becoming an actor and your friend(s) make fun of you for having that dream and tell you that you’ll only crash and burn. Therefore, they make you feel lousy when they do this.

You deserve friends who encourage you to go after your goals, not those who’ll tear you down.

Any time friends discourage you like that, you have to wonder if they’re only discouraging you because they’re afraid that you just might be successful. Moreover, you must ask yourself whether they believe in you or not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away.

9. 10 signs of a toxic friendship:

They’re resentful of your successes.

It sucks, yes! But a lot of so-called friends get jealous when you’re successful at something. Maybe you’ve made a great achievement or won an award and your friends only give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, maybe they trivialize your accomplishment. Again, when this happens, that’s when you know it’s time to make tracks.

10. They only come around when they need something.

These people are everywhere. They come around only when they know you can give them something and disappear when you’re the one in trouble. Therefore, you deserve better friends than these.

Get some standards and find friends who don’t use you.

In Conclusion:

If you’re having any of these problems with those who are supposed to be your friends, then find new friends. You owe it to yourself.

How you cut ties is by stopping all contact. You don’t have to explain anything to them. Just stop having anything to do with the bad friend. It’s that simple.

Realize that real friends make us feel better about ourselves not worse. Real friends enhance your life, they don’t cause pain or humiliation.

Toxic friends only suck the life out of you and leave you feeling worthless. You deserve friends who are ride or die. Moreover, you deserve friends who are there for you no matter what kind of storms you may be going through. And you deserve people who value you and don’t want to lose you.

However, you must value yourself first. And how you value yourself is to get rid of anyone who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat them. You may be alone for a spell, but your people will find you eventually and it will be worth it in the end. Guaranteed!

This post was all about the 10 signs of a Toxic friendship so that you’ll know when it’s time to bail and kind better friends.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

3. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

4. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

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‘Want to know the 5 things to never do with a bully? Here are the top five mistakes you should never make with bullies so that you make yourself less vulnerable to them.

5 things to never do with a bully

The last thing you want is to give your bullies any ammunition they can use against you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the five top things to never do with a bully.

Once you learn all about this super-important information, you will be able to make yourself more bully-proof and keep them from trashing your self-esteem any more than they already have. Moreover, they just might end up seeing you as a lost cause and move on to an easier target.

This post is all about the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can preserve your right to be left in peace.

5 Things to never do with a bully

1. Never Apologize to a Bully.

For anything! Ever!

You must understand that bullies will only see your unnecessary apologies as weakness. Why? Because you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

2. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never Compliment a bully.

Trust me, bullies, especially the arrogant and puffed up type, get their boots licked enough.

They get false compliments and fake sympathy from their sycophants daily. How do you think they got so sickeningly full of themselves? Compliments should only be handed out to people who deserve them.

I learned this the hard way when I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

I remember seeing a girl in the cafeteria at lunch, and she was wearing a lovely dress. Naturally, I told her that it was a beautiful dress and that I liked it. And I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it.

However, it only fueled her arrogance. She only sneered at me and said,

“I know. So what? Nobody likes you, and you think kissing up changes things?”

You can imagine how heartbroken I was.

Few things uplift a person like a sincere compliment, which comes from the heart. However, a bully will only take your heartfelt compliment and steamroll you with it. They will only wipe their butts with it, then throw it back at you.

They may accept anyone else’s compliment. But if it comes for you, your bullies will only see it as ass-kissing.

Realize that a bully will only see it as confirmation that they are better than you. A bully will also think that you’re only trying to suck up to them to get them off your back.

A compliment to a bully is nothing more than an ego boost. And why not? Again, bullies are used to having most other classmates or coworkers bow down before them.

Moreover, it’s an opportunity for them to rake your dignity over the coals.

Instead, be the one who gives these life-suckers and happiness thieves a healthy dose of the real world. Be indifferent toward them- like you just don’t give a crap about them.

They may get angry because they may think people owe them allegiance, but you won’t give them the wrong impression. And, most importantly, you’ll walk away with your self-respect intact.

3. 5 Things to never do with a bully:

Never admit anything to a bully.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, bullies won’t give you margin for error. Therefore, it’s best never to admit any error’s in front of them.

4. Never share Secrets in the presence of a bully.

If you’re a target of bullying, understand that they’re just looking for any chance to reveal any embarrassing information about you. You must realize that they hate you and all they want to do is hurt you.

Even if the information is innocent, like watching a slasher film, it’s better to keep it to yourself. Therefore, this is a no-brainer. When people bully you, it’s just best to guard your secrets with your life!

5. Never reveal any of your plans.

This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying. Many people trumpet their goals and dreams.

Moreover, they announce their plans without realizing what ramifications it can bring. And, if you’re a target of bullying, all the more reason why you should keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself. Therefore, work quietly.

Understand that any time you broadcast your objectives, you place yourself at risk of others sabotaging you and trying to derail your plans.

Furthermore, your bullies are just waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own person failures and shortcomings.

Moreover, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior  to reach success and overshadow them.

5 Things to Never Do with a bully:

Your success is a threat to your bullies’ power.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win. And when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

Why, because it’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! You force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight!

Understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration and when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. They will make a barrage of accusations. Also, they’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back in the shade.

But see through it and stay above it. They only do it because you’ve threatened their power. And when bullies face the threat of losing their power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

In other words, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities.

5 Things to never do with a bully:

Two More Bonus Answers

1. Never try to Prove Yourself to a bully

Yes, I added a sixth answer as a bonus.  You should never try to prove yourself to a bully. Ever!

Bullies don’t deserve for you to expend so much effort to prove anything to them. Why? Because they’re not worthy of your best. Only the people who truly love you, uplift you and are proud of the person you’re becoming deserve that.

Only the people who have your back and are in your cheering section are worthy of the kind of work you put in.

‘You see? Bullies are the type of people who must have a target. In other words, they must have power over someone, anyone, or they end up feeling inadequate and useless (but aren’t they already?).

Bullies have an insatiable hunger for power. If they don’t have it, it drives them nuts.

If you’re a target of bullying, you only try to prove yourself to those who could care less either way. Moreover, you’ll be on an endless and futile quest. You’ll end up wasting precious time, which is time better spent focusing and working on you.

Understand that no one can prove themselves to a bully. It’s impossible because bullies only see the negative in others. They never have anything positive to credit anyone but themselves.

In fact, the better, stronger, smarter, braver, and more awesome you are, the more threatened your bullies feel.  Therefore, the more they’ll attack you to tighten their grip on your life.

The Only person you have anything to prove to is yourself.

Bullies hate strength, they hate smarts, and they hate any positive quality in anyone else but them.  Moreover, they especially despise them in the person possessing them is their victim, if their good points surpass theirs.

To a bully, control isn’t just about forcing you to do what they want. It’s about controlling your mind- your thoughts, attitudes, and preferences. In short, it’s about controlling your life and having the power to ruin it.

It’s about having the power to break you and wear you down. Bullies get off on that power. And when you consistently bend over backward to prove yourself to them, all it does is show them that they still have power over you.

Because, if they didn’t already have it, you wouldn’t be trying so hard. In fact, you wouldn’t try at all because you wouldn’t give a crap what they thought.

Remember! You have nothing to prove to anyone other than yourself.

2. 5 Things to Never do with a bully:

Never Pander to them

I’ve seen so many victims non-victims pander, or, in laymen terms, suck up to bullies. Bullies can intimidate and threaten you. No doubt about it!

Therefore, anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.

But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? No. Here’s why.

1. It wouldn’t change things. Therefore, when you pander, you only give away more of your personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet.

And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.

2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. In other words, you may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.

5 things to never do with a bully:

Pandering Only makes you feel worse later.

3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?”

Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.

Pandering is counterproductive in the end. However,  start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. It’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!

What’s the best way to handle a situation like this?

You handle it by simply staying above it- by not reacting to the bullies’ foolishness. Moreover, you deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.

Put simpler, just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness!

Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

In the meantime, continue to work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers. Therefore, the less roadblocks you will run into along the way.

And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it. Even better, you can give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

5 Things to never Do with a Bully:

In Conclusion:

Remember that you’re the target. Bullies and everyone else will see any of the above five behaviors as sucking up.

Moreover, when you do any of them, you only reveal possible weaknesses and leave yourself vulnerable. Therefore, it’s best to stay way away from these behaviors.

Realize that any time people target you for bullying, everyone will automatically expect the worst from you. Why? Because, sadly, people despise victims of bullying.

And no, it may not be justified. It may not be fair but neither is life. It is what it is and you must do everything you can to make the best of it. Avoiding these behaviors is how you make the best of it.

This post was a lesson in the 5 things to never do with a bully so that you can keep the bullying you suffer to a minimum and spare your dignity.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

2. Bullying and Banter: 9 Differences You Must Know

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It

5. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps