Responding to Non-Verbal Bullying

September 4, 2022Leave a comment

If someone wants to harm you, they don’t have to come out and tell you. Just the same, if they want you gone, they needn’t tell you to “get the hell out.”

All they must do is glare at you and hope they can either intimidate you into leaving, or make you think you’re about to get hurt. In a case like this, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Worse even, others might feel the animosity between you and personal history may ruin an otherwise good day.

So, you’re a target and you’re at a party or get-together, and suddenly, you see your bully across the room. Your eyes lock and she sends you a threatening glare. She is giving you the message that she intends to make your day a really bad one. You have choices. Either you can turn tail and run, or you can spend the rest of the day avoiding the bully.

Again, how you handle it is your choice.

But wait! Here’s another choice- a better choice! You can smile at the bully, nod your head, then turn your back to her. If you want to be a smart alick, add a wave.

Therefore, you will non-verbally send your own message back to your bully, one that is very clear. You signal that she doesn’t scare you and that you have no intentions of running. Instead, you intend to stay and enjoy yourself with the other people at the shindig. And you will do this whether the bully likes it or not.

Ouch! This is not the response your bully expected!

In that, you’ve responded to the bully without being aggressive or capitulating to their silent demands that you either cower or leave.

Understand that bullies use nonverbal means to not only send you a cruel message, but also to make their bullying less obvious to anyone else but you. Therefore, it’s better not to respond to nonverbal bullying with words. Instead, reflect your own nonverbals back to the bully that signal that you aren’t afraid of her.

Again, nonverbal bullying requires a response that is also nonverbal. And your response should say that you will not cower or run. Instead, you will stick around, ignore the bully, and do your thing.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

July 30, 2022Leave a comment

Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

Words have power, yes. But without the body language that goes with them, they’re only static- empty noise. The best way to ward off bullies is to influence them by transmitting the most appropriate and compelling nonverbal cues.

Around 80% of communication is nonverbal, we’ve often heard, and it’s the truth! Therefore, it’s not only necessary, but wise to pay closer attention to others in terms of body language. In other words, we must pay closer attention to pantomimes, which are their facial expressions, gestures, demeanor, and mannerisms.

Likewise, we should also pay close attention to the way we come off to people through our own nonverbals.

We Often Miss the Subtler Body Language

In other words, we not only need to learn to better read other’s body language but also to better monitor our own physical signals, so we don’t give others the wrong impressions. However, it’s not as easy as it looks. Many forms of body language are so subtle that we can miss them if we’re not careful.

Therefore, we must find ways to learn these micro-signals and what they mean. And once we do, we will gain mastery over our social situations.

If you’re stuck in an environment that’s peppered with bullies, the ability to read even the most subtle cues is a must. Bullies are masters at hiding their imperfections, their motives, and their intentions. Therefore, you must pick up on what they try to conceal, and you can only do it by correctly observing their most subtle cues and pantomimes.

Every movement, even the tiniest, from eye movements to gestures, holds a wealth of information. Moreover, every body position and stance also hold info. Everything people do or don’t do conveys a message. We are forever communicating.

Every Tiny Movement Conveys a Message

Therefore, you must be aware of it. And if you aren’t good at reading these silent subtleties, you must learn how. But here’s good news! The areas of intelligence we weren’t born with are those we can learn.

Even those who have high-functioning autism can study and learn these things to better improve their social lives. I’ve seen a few people on the spectrum do this and it helped them to change their situations and live better lives. As a result, they moved on to better relationships with family and to make good friends. They also went on to get married and have families of their own.

Therefore, we must learn the subtext of not only words, but also nonverbal signals. Subtext can be read in our choices of clothing to wear and in the way we arrange our furniture. Moreover, it can be read in the rise and fall of our voices when we speak. Each of us is a living, breathing open book to those who are expert people-readers.

The Importance of Subtext

Again, it’s imperative that you learn to read what people are thinking and feeling more accurately. This includes learning to pick on up their hidden motivations and intentions. Once you do, you will better be able to distinguish between who’s for real and who’s fake.

More importantly, this new knowledge will protect you from sneaky and nefarious people. It will also open you up to limitless opportunities! Also, in learning to transmit the right nonverbal signals, you will repel bullies, abusers, users, and other unsavory types of people. You will be able to bring down social barriers, build rapport with others, and build connections. Ultimately, it will help you become more fruitful in life and have confidence you never thought you’d have!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

14 Forms of Bullying and Threatening Body Language Targets Need to be Aware of (Part 2)

January 8, 2022Leave a comment

(Continued from Part 1)

In the last post, we stopped at the chest and shoulders. This post covers the rest of the body.

Arms- Akimbo. The arms of a bully are often akimbo (elbows out, hands on hips, thumbs forward). This makes the bully appear bigger and more powerful. It’s also used to intimidate any opponent and show power and superiority. To ward off bullies, stand with power, and send the message that you won’t be a victim.

Crossed Arms. When coupled with the jutted chin, bullies will also cross their arms anytime they’re facing someone. Crossed arms are not only a sign of superiority and power, they are also considered closed body language because when a bully crosses his arms when facing their opponent, they are “closed” to anything the other person has to say.

Note that victims will also cross their arms in intimidation when confronted by a bully. However, the difference is that they cross their arms to avoid a possible attack to the torso or they may throw their hands and arms in front of the face and neck. Also, instead of using the jutted chin, a victim will lower the head, hide the neck, and slouch. This is where paying attention to clustered body language comes in. To keep bullies away, never slouch, lower the head nor hide the neck. Always look confident!

Hands- The Clenching Fists. The bully will often clench their fists when they want to physically attack their opponent. Always see this as a sign the person wants to harm you and be ready in case they do.

Mid-Section- The Crotch Expose. This is done mostly by boys and men. Although it is a sign of sexual interest in a potential mate, it can also be used to intimidate and for dominance and power. Trust me. You’ll know the difference. If you are male, take a power pose. If you are female and this is used by a male bully for intimidation, either stand facing the bully with your feet apart and hands on your hips and challenge him with a glare or give him a dismissive look and walk away.

Legs- Legs Apart. Most bullies stand with their feet shoulder-width apart to appear bigger and more powerful. Confident people also stand this way. Therefore, if you want to appear confident and ward off bullies, this is how you should stand.

There’s also The Dominant Leg Backstep. This is when the bully steps back with their dominant leg. Boxers in the ring do this just before putting up their dukes! If you see the bully step back with one leg, either get clear or be prepared to fight!

Feet- The Toe Point. Again, you must pay attention to the whole body to get an accurate reading. The toes always point to where the person wants to go. If a person likes you and enjoys your company, their toes will always point in your direction. If the person doesn’t like you or is afraid of you, they will want to get away from you and their toes will always point away from you.

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you. It pays to observe!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

14 Forms of Bullying and Threatening Body Language Targets Need to be Aware of

January 7, 2022Leave a comment

Eyes- That Creepy Piercing Glare. The eyebrows narrow and the eyes bore into you without blinking. The head does not move. The person stares you down as if they want to attack you. Bullies do this number to either challenge or intimidate their targets. Return the stare and the bully will likely go away.

Nose- The Nostril Flare. You’ve seen the nostrils of a bull flare when the animal is about to charge a matador. It’s the same with bullies. The nostrils flare to take in extra oxygen needed for a possible physical attack. When a bully does this, he’s hostile. When a person’s nostrils flare at you, look out! Because it is a sign the bully is about to physically attack you. Keep your eyes peeled and be prepared to defend yourself.

Jaw- The Jaw Clinch. The bully is gritting his teeth at the target and hiding it. When this happens, you’ll notice the jaws protruding. The bully either pulls this move to intimidate or in preparation for a fight. Again, this is a sign of a possible physical attack. Don’t ignore it. Stay vigilant.

Mouth – There are many expressions bullies use with their mouths. One of which is, The One-Sided Upper-Lip Raise. Coupled with a glare, people raise one side of their upper lip to convey contempt or disgust. Return the sentiment and the bully will likely move away. Thinned or Pursed Lips are a sign of hostility as are baring of the teeth or snarling. Again, return the expression but be prepared.

Chin- The Jutted Chin. The bully tilts the head back and juts his chin forward all for the purpose of looking down his nose at you. When the bully does this, he is either challenging you, trying to intimidate you, or he truly thinks he’s superior. Again, return the sentiment and the bully will back down.

Neck- The Exposed Neck. The bully will expose and lengthen the neck to challenge you. People do this to show that they aren’t afraid of the person in front of them and can hold their own if necessary. Bullies do it to make themselves appear taller and to intimidate anyone in their way. Again, reflect the gesture back to the bully and he’ll likely leave you alone.

Shoulders- The Shoulder Throw. Bullies will often throw their shoulders back to convey confidence and power. If you want to appear confident, never slouch the shoulders, always stand up straight, tall, and with your shoulders back.

Chest- The Puffed-Out Chest. The bully’s chest puffs outward toward the target. The chest fills with extra air in preparation for a possible fight. Again, this is not only done to make the bully look bigger and to intimate his opponent but also a sign of a coming physical attack. Be aware.

(Continued in part 2…)

Body Language of Bullying: 12 Ways Bullies Communicate Dominance, Superiority, and Hostility

September 16, 2021Leave a comment

Bullies always display these types of body language, especially around their targets.

Dominance and Superiority Body Language – 1. Bullies take up lots of space to appear bigger. You will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall.

2. They will often stand extra close to their targets– so close that they will sometimes touch them as they deliberately invade the target’s personal space. They do this to intimidate them.

3. Bullies will also frown and purse their lips at the target while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact (boring their eyes into their target like a dagger) without moving their heads.

4. They will freely touch their targets because they have no regard for their personal space. For example, a bully may give the target a hard slap on the back or grab the target by the arm and lead them where they want them to go. A bully may also physically move the target to the side or shove past him/her.

Understand that the bully intends to show the target who’s in charge or to compete with him. The bully may also do these things to signal ownership of the target. Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you if you’re a target. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

5. If the target is sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over him to look bigger and more intimidating. Bullies who are short in stature will often stand on something to appear taller than their victims. Some may stand on their tiptoes.

Bullies will also lay claim to a territory (desks, spaces, parking spaces) and expect others to obey rules when near the claimed area or object.

6. Other ways of Invading the target’s space and claiming ownership – bullies may walk into the target’s room, office, or home uninvited and without knocking. They may sit in the victim’s chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on the target’s vehicle, parking in their parking spaces, cutting in front of them in line, or propping their feet on the back of the target’s chair when sitting behind them (I had a group of girls do that to me in school, and it was unnerving).

Understand that bullies crave control and do these things to take away the target’s power.

7. Bullies also put their hands on the target’s personal belongings with a carefree attitude. But know that the message the bully is sending the target is this. “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

Here is a classic often seen. Bullies may walk up to the target’s table during lunch, pick a French fry off their plate in front of them, and pop it in their mouths. They may pick up the target’s fork and take a bite of their food.

Bullies may also pick up the target’s phone and began scrolling through the contents. Bullies will even rummage through the target’s purse or pick up the target’s jacket and go through the pockets. The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

8. Another way bullies invade territory is to walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them. Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road and driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait.

9. Bullies also show dominance by how they dress or the car they drive.

Do Not Ignore This. Always make yourself powerful as well.

If a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Dress your best and look your best. This shows that you take pride in how you look and conveys confidence. It also helps you to feel better. When we look better, we also feel better!

10. Hostility Body Language – Bullies may look at their target while pinching their chin. The pinching of the jaw is used to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them– it is a way to hold back the urge to physically attack the target.

Understand that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

11. Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at their target, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall, or the palm of his/her opposite hand. Any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for the victim’s physical body.

Girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at their target.

12. Bullies also show hostility by sizing up their target. They size you up by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests.

Male bullies will snarl at their victims, whereas female bullies will glare at their targets with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Bullies often glare at their targets persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch. These are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!

Many Targets of Bullying Seem to Have the Gift of Sight

September 3, 2021Leave a comment

No. They’re not clairvoyant and they can’t see into the future per se. But once a person is targeted for long enough, they grow people-wise and can predict the petty moves of bullies and unsavory people. These targets know what is going to be said by which person, word for word, in most cases.

Survivors of bullying, especially, can see the actions and nonverbal cues of people. And they can hear the words of the people around them and just know what’s going to happen or be said next. Veteran targets and survivors of bullying develop an uncanny ability to read people. It’s a gift they have developed within themselves over years or decades of being targeted.

Another thing they can do is see through smoke screens and other forms of fronts people try to hide behind. Targets are also good at seeing the signs of impending danger. They’re very in tune with what goes on around them, often without realizing it themselves. And why not? They have to be to survive.

A target may not come out and say it nor admit it, but they can read other people like a book. They can feel the emotions, mental states, moods, and intentions of others. They sense with amazing accuracy the vibes people put out.

However, they may not always listen to their intuitions, which is why they always seem to get into trouble. Because bullies have abused them, these targets often lose trust in themselves, and in it, trust in their feelings and senses, which is why they ignore those God-given instincts.

Therefore, if you’ve been a target of bullying for a long time and you fall into this category, don’t dismiss your inner predictions of other people as being paranoid. Pay attention to them and heed them because chances are that you’re right. Now is not the time to doubt yourself and what your brain and gut is trying to warn you about.

Use your predictions to your advantage and to cut off any attacks that are most likely coming.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How to Tell Whether They’re Laughing With You or At You

August 13, 2021Leave a comment

bully laughing at you

Many targets are abused for so long that they simply lose trust in people and withdraw from everyone. And in social situations, many targets mistakenly assume that those they’re with are laughing at them when they’re really laughing with them. And this can cause a rift between the target and a person who’s a mean-meaning friend.

So, how can you tell the difference?

Here’s how:

1. Laughing with you: Eye contact. The person is looking at you and interacting with you while laughing.

Laughing at you: Lack of eye contact. The person is looking around at everyone else but you while laughing.

2. Laughing with you: The person doesn’t hold the laughter in. Instead, the laughter happens automatically and spontaneously.

Laughing at you: The laugher usually pauses first. And they don’t laugh out loud but only snicker.

laughing with you

3. Laughing with you: How does the person treat you once the laughter is over? They’re generally good to you and they enjoy being around you.

Laughing at you: The person treats you with contempt and they won’t hang around. They may even make a snide remark to you on their way out to go laugh at you behind your back.

And it depends on context.

4. Laughing with you: The laughter is deep and the person’s natural laugh.

Laughing at you: There’s “mocking laughter”, where the person imitates your laugh. The person isn’t laughing because you’ve done anything wrong or stupid, or because there’s anything wrong with you. They’re laughing at you to bring you down and boost their own social status or to feel better about themselves.

bullies laughing gossip rumors lies talk

5. Laughing with you: The person generally has good feelings toward you and is having fun or being playful.

Laughing at you: The person has a hostile and hurtful attitude toward you. They’re enjoying your pain, humiliation or weakness.

The sooner you recognize the differences, the sooner you’ll avoid the wrong people and the better relationships you’ll have with the people who truly love and care about you. And ultimately, the better you’ll feel!

Another Weapon Bullies Can Use Is Your Predictability

May 2, 2021Leave a comment

Being predictable is dangerous. Because if a bully can predict your reaction or your next move, it’s game over. Remember that bullies are very socially intelligent, and they tend to spot behavior patterns in their victims.

Bullies carefully observe a potential target, looking for any patterns of behavior, habits, and weaknesses. They closely monitor your reactions to everything, what ticks you off, what makes you happy, and what excites you. They scrutinize the way you do things, even the way you arrange objects.

They study your moods, body language, and expressions to feel out your emotional state. And in observing you, bullies leave no stone unturned.

Bullies are like bank robbers who case out a bank before pulling off the heist. The robbers get the bank’s layout, search for any vulnerabilities in the security system, and look for any patterns of patrols and the comings and goings there.

Is it any wonder that being targeted for bullying can feel like being under a microscope? Like you’re being watched? It’s because you are!

Being too predictable is unwise when you’re bullied. Instead, make it a point to be unpredictable. Be as fluid with every as you possibly can. I know it won’t be easy because we’re all creatures of habit. It’s going to take work.

But understand that bullies fear a fluid person and will leave him/her alone if they aren’t sure how they’ll react. So, try new things every day, in everything. It will surely pay off!

The more you know, the better your defense.

Why You Should Learn to Read People

February 6, 2021Leave a comment

Closeup portrait of a skeptical man looking suspicious, some disgust on his face mixed with disapproval isolated on gray background. Negative human emotions, facial expressions, feelings

I have a Spidey-sense when it comes to people. I automatically pay attention to others’ non-verbal communication and also their silences. I notice the clothes they wear and the arrangement of objects in their homes and workspaces.

I also notice patterns in their breathing, tensions they have in certain muscles (mainly the neck and jawline), and read the subtext in conversations. I even pay attention to their feet! In participating in or listening to conversations, I home in on what is implied rather than what is said. There is no such thing as an action that doesn’t communicate something.

Having been bullied in school ended up making me a very accurate people-reader. If there’s anyone who will teach you of the level of evil human beings are capable of, it’s bullies.

Once you have suffered the vicious onslaught of a bully or group of bullies over an extended period of time, your people senses sharpen tremendously, allowing you to better pick up on body language, facial expressions, tonality, and the hidden emotions/intentions of others around you. Even better, you learn to read those split-second flashes or micro-expressions most others miss. Why? Because it’s key to your survival!

This is only natural. An example of this would be a person who has lost their sight. We’ve heard stories of people who have suddenly gone blind. These same people reported that the other four senses automatically sharpened to compensate for the lost ability to see, which is only a natural survival mechanism of the body. It is the same when someone is bullied.

A victim of bullying is in a constant state of being threatened, both physically and psychologically. To survive, the person’s “sixth sense” and the ability to even better read non-verbal communication heightens to near perfection. Again, this is only the brain’s and body’s way of protecting them.

Understand that what compels a person to hon certain powers is always…ALWAYS necessity. If we feel that our survival depends on how well we read the emotions, moods, and intentions of those around us, we will find a way to tap into that power, learn it, and learn it forward, backward, upside down, and sideways!

Understand that people-reading isn’t only about doing it with your eyes and ears. It goes much deeper. It’s also about using your gut, tuning into their moods, and feeling those moods. You must learn to sense the vibrations that others put out!

Close up of examining a test sample of microchip transistor under the microscope in a laboratory.

I can automatically feel others’ moods, sensing every vibe they emit, and honestly, some of what I’ve felt in those around me didn’t feel good and was downright scary! However, I consider myself blessed to have this ability because it keeps me safe. As an adult, I now know how to avoid unsavory people. Even better, I no longer am bullied and haven’t been in years!

Learning the art of people-reading is an absolute must if you find yourself on constant defense against bullies. All it takes is to stand back and quietly observe the people around you, and you don’t have to stare a hole through them to do it. You can always watch people without looking directly at them by using your peripheral vision to do so. So, why not start today?

survivors x-ray eyes

The sooner you begin, the sooner this will become like second-nature to you. The more and the longer you practice, the better you will become. Know that everything people do- the way they walk, talk, stand, sit, eat, arrange things in their environment, the types of people they associate with…EVERYTHING they do gives clues as to their moods, their character, and most importantly, whether or not they are for or against you.

So, keep your eyes, ears, AND spidey-senses peeled!

A Bully’s Nonverbal Language from Head to Toe (Part 2)

January 7, 2021Leave a comment

Female Track Competitors Glaring at Each Other

In the last post, we stopped at the chest and shoulders. This post covers the rest of the body.

dreamstime_xs_11945933

However, if a bully wants to attack you, their toes will also point in your direction. You’ll know the difference by the other cues their body will give you.

It pays to observe!