Ways to Tell When Verbal Bullying Is About to Escalate to Physical Bullying

November 28, 2021Leave a comment

I recently found my old notes from psych class in college. These notes were about the psychology of bullying, abuse, and victimhood. Because they were several years old, I was stunned at how much I’d forgotten. It’s funny how much information the brain kicks out after so long. But I reread these notes, and I enjoyed relearning some things that can be used on this blog to benefit others.

My notes were on the subject of how quickly and easily a bully (or any abuser for that matter) can change from letting their mouths do the talking, to letting their fists and feet speak for them.

Bullies have been verbally abusing you for quite some time. They’ve progressed from subtle digs and zingers to openly screaming at you, cursing you out like a dog, and making threats of violence against you. You’ve begun to feel afraid because you’re not sure when the bullying will become physical and what they’ll do to you when it does.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus

Understand that your bullies are still pushing your boundaries. Little by little, they up the ante to test you and figure out how you’ll react and see what you’ll let them get away with. So, they always start small. And they ever so gradually turn it up in teeny tiny increments.

So, how do you know when the bullying you suffer is about to become physical? Here’s how:

Bullies will start by invading your personal space, getting too close to you. They’ll follow to close behind you as you’re walking down the hallway or street. They’ll stand too close to you in the lunch line or while you’re punching the time clock. They may even step in front of you and block you from going any further.

Bullies may also sit at your desk, pick up your belongings, or lean on your car.

Bullies will begin their physical assaults through“accidental” shoves, pushes, and bumps. They may do things accidentally on purpose– “accidentally” running or bumping into you in the hallway or parking lot, “accidentally” tripping you or knocking you down, or “accidentally” knocking things out of your hands.

And they do this on purpose, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you won’t notice it’s escalating. After all, accidents happen all the time. No harm, no foul. Right?

The problem is that if bullies get away with these types of games, they’ll only escalate it until it gets out of control. And once bullying gets out of control, it’s almost impossible to stop or even slow it down.

Understand that bullying, or any form of abuse, always- always gets worse. Because it’s a dark part of human nature to push, push, and push further to see how far one can go.

Again, tune into your body and intuition because they will tell you whether what the person did to you was deliberate or an accident. If your senses tell you they did it on purpose, call it out and tell them to stop it right when it happens. If that doesn’t work and the bully keeps it up, it might be time to throw down. But, whatever you do, put a stop to it because it’ll only get worse if you don’t.

Dealing with Bullies Who Have Anger Issues

November 27, 2021Leave a comment

Many bullies have anger issues. If you’re a target of these types of bullies, I want to warn you that things can get dangerous very quickly. These overly aggressive bullies will make you pay dearly when you don’t bow down and let them have their way with you. And they usually come back at you with explosive outbursts of rage, vicious cursing, and name-calling.

This kind of person is like a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. Bullies of this caliber will:

1.turn red-faced, curse and scream at you to the top of their lungs,

2. call you the vilest names

3. hurl objects at you from across the room.

4. destroy your personal property

Retro Emoji rage anger boiling woman face pop art retro style

Many of my classmates were these types- people who had only reached a two-year-old’s maturity level and stopped there. It seemed that when I wouldn’t be their puppet, they’d get physical and try to beat me into submission.

Understand that these kinds of bullies can’t ask for what they want respectfully because, if they do, they’ll only be giving you the freedom to say no. They would give you a chance to cut those puppet strings. Then where would that leave them?

It would leave them without a target.

Some of them will threaten you with:

1. “If you don’t do this, I’ll kick your a**.”

2. “If you say that, I’ll beat the sh** out of you.”

And some may not. But! You know the threat is there because these bullies will give you that threatening look or they loom just a little too close to intimidate you. Their body language speaks for them. Their nostrils will flair like a bull getting ready to charge, or they face you with a threatening stance while clenching their fists. They are the classic bullies.

Realize that overly aggressive bullies are so afraid of losing control of you. They react with rage if you don’t comply or take the abuse.

As I type this, I think about one bully, in particular, I’ll call her Kitty.

If there’s one thing I remember about her, it’s her volatile temper. During the eighth grade, I remember standing in the lunch line, and Kitty shoving me from behind and screaming at me to move. She pushed me so hard that she almost knocked me to the floor.

I don’t know what came over me that day, but people had bullied me for a few years, and I finally got fed up. I shouted back, telling her to keep away from me and not to ever put her hands on me again. Suddenly, her eyes flashed, and she grabbed a steak knife from the utensil section. Back then, schools used real silverware, not plastic cutlery. And she lunged at me with it.

To this day, I can still remember the white-knuckled grip she had on the potential weapon. Luckily, the principal and several male teachers grabbed and restrained her before she could attack. And mind you, Kitty was a huge 200+ pound, and close to six feet tall gargantuan. I was only, maybe, 110-120 lbs and five foot three or four. So, she could’ve done considerable damage without the knife. Lord knows what she would’ve done with it.

Then, there was the incident in the principal’s office after she’d tried to attack me in the classroom when she went berserk and grabbed the principal’s nameplate off his desk and charged me with it. Luckily, the principal and another teacher restrained her.

So, I want to warn you that, yes, such people exist and they’re dangerous. It’s best to avoid these types of bullies if possible. However, understand that overly-aggressive bullies are the type who will also hunt you down if you’re not available.

Kitty was that type. You couldn’t avoid her for long.

If a bully tracks you down, I can only tell you this. If the school won’t punish these crazies, the best thing to do is document the bullying and keep a journal of it, using the 5W rule. You should also contact the police and get a restraining order against these kinds of bullies. In doing these things, you establish records of past abuse, and these records can serve as evidence in court in the event the person maims you, or worse. You may also need to transfer schools to ensure your safety.

Do everything you can to take care of yourself and stay safe.

The Physically Violent Bully

May 12, 2021Leave a comment

The weakest person always uses physical violence. But the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. They also used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

Next, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

The target wronged them somehow.
The target should be punished and destroyed.

Realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

Their targets must respect them at all times.
Their targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

Their targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
Their targets should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.

Physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

The bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood. Understand that these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.

Bullies Who Have Anger Issues

December 31, 2020Leave a comment